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 Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:16 am Post subject: |
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It doesn't suck Random. Its just not as good as the first one. 
No, just kidding. I like the ending better. The last sentance seems to have an extra The in it though. Is that intentional?
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| Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:29 am Post subject: |
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| Mordok wrote: | It doesn't suck Random. Its just not as good as the first one.
No, just kidding. I like the ending better. The last sentance seems to have an extra The in it though. Is that intentional? |
No but it should have had an extra "n" at the end of it. 
All other extra words were done to purposely demonstrate my great writing ability, and to show off that I still had room left and Smee doesn't. So neener-neener! 
Ethereal- Ah I got it now. I don't know why I didn't think of that before. It actually reads a lot better know that i know what you are trying to get at. Sorry about that, I drink a lot.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 10:03 am Post subject: Read Finite Cosmos and The Carver's Blossom (shameless plug) |
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I like the new and improved version Random. Seems more thought out and a lot less rushed. Has more of a warm fuzzy feel-good at the end. Important aspect for grizzled burnt-out warriors.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:03 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, that's much better Random. A lot less confusing, and a good story.
A more heartwarming ending as well.
As for the vote:
I'm not confident with this first competition, but look forward to the next one.
Happy Voting guys.
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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| Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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This month, you have to tell the tale of Sol, and his long awaited revenge.
You can use as many words as you want as long as you don't use over 1,500.
You can pick your own genre (fantasy, horror, so on and so forth), but you are still expected to edit and spell check your work.
The basic rules are in the first post of this thread is there are any questions.
So, You have 30 days, what are you waiting for?
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Mordok, if I were you, i would be proud of that medal, you earned it... that was a good story in the linear stories.
April Fools!!!! Wait...it's not april yet.....
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:03 am Post subject: |
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Contest 2: the tale of Sol, and his long awaited revenge
The laughter of children at play tinkles in the warm air. Unrestrained whoops and hollers erupt along with whistles, shouts, and assorted sound effects.
“Tag! You’re it”
“I’m gonna tell!”
“Vroom, vvrrrooom. Honk! Honk!”
“Pow, pow, pow. I’m hit, arghh!”
The play yard bustles with activity as the teachers stand in the shade of a tree chatting. No one takes notice of a small hunkered figure doodling in the sand.
Sol knows that time is precious. Most of recess had already passed. Too soon Ms. Plum will blow her shiny silver whistle and everyone will line up to go back to class. She’ll then assign some busy-work until the final bell when school will dismiss for a whole week of break. Before the final bell, notes will pass and whispers will exchange, and everyone will find out… Jenny had laughed at his love poem this morning and circled No. She did not want to be his girlfriend.
“That stuck up bitch thinks she’s too good for me,” Sol whispers, and then glances about guiltily to see if his mother might be standing behind him with a bar of soap, waiting to wash out his potty mouth.
He draws in the dirt some more, seeking inspiration from the timeless sands. The bird of thought nests in his brain, laying a plan in a speckled egg, which finally hatches into inspiration. Sol was going to make Jenny pay for dissing him. After all this time wasted with sand doodles, Sol needed to act quickly if he was to secure his long awaited revenge.
Transforming into the silent ninja, Sol rolls away from his sand doodles and into the protective cover of the nearby teeter-totters. He steals a quick glance at the gaggle of teachers, hissing and honking at some playground squabble. Becoming one with the brick wall of the schoolhouse, he stealthily slips undetected into the cafeteria.
Ahhhh, there on the counter laid his weapon of choice. He creeps up to the abandoned counter, careful not to alert the cafeteria workers who might swarm his position like an angry SWAT team. Staying low, his hand blindly searches the counter top above his head until he feels the cold, smooth metal. Sol quickly snatches the spoon and silently evaporates from the cafeteria.
Now to acquire the appropriate ammunition. He slips into another character as his eyes scan the play yard. Where could the sinister Crime Lord go to locate the required contraband?
Gus was sitting in the dirt, his back leaning against the fence. Yes, Gus the Fence deals in illegal ammo. Sol saunters over to Gus and takes a seat beside him, watching silently as Gus studiously picks at a scab on his knee. Both boys admire the thick, bumpy scab before Gus flings it at a passing nerd.
“Whaddya want?” drawls Gus.
Casually, the Crime Lord broaches the business of obtaining illegal ammunition, without of course revealing the motives behind his master plan.
“It’ll cost ya a nickel.” Gus sure drives a hard bargain, but the wealthy Boss can pay to achieve his long awaited revenge.
Sol accepts a stick of chewing gum from Gus, and then heads to the jungle gym to execute his evil plan. Jenny and her girly friends sit in the pebbles under the jungle gym, playing some stupid game like ‘house’ and giggling. The bars of the play yard equipment might prove hazardous to his master plan, but Sol feels confident in his sharpshooter abilities. He hides behind the slide, adopting the role of a sniper.
Slipping the spoon from his pocket, he licks the shiny metal head. Blowing a final bubble with the gum, he then places the spitty wad in the spoon. Sol takes careful aim at the back of Jenny’s head, her soft brown ringlets of hair offering an optimal target. He pulls the trigger, actually a flick of his wrist, and lets fly his revenge. The wad of gum lands with a gooey plop in the center of Jenny’s hair.
Sol discards his now hot weapon under the slide, and casually inserts himself into a dodge ball game. The perfect cover.
Jenny’s loud wailing sounded satisfying in his ears as a teacher’s aide led her from the play yard. The silver whistle blew, and the students returned to class. No notes, no whispers, no gossip, and no laughter haunt Sol, because Jenny remained in the cafeteria with the aide smoothing butter in her hair until the final bell.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:14 am Post subject: |
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LOL - great dramatisation of a simple event - good story.
My only comment would be that the revenge doesn't really seem that 'long awaited'. You mention it twice as being long awaited, but only a few minutes prior to the event he was in love with the girl.
His revenge came swiftly.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:25 am Post subject: |
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It's all a matter of perspective. This kid just lived the life of a heartbroken fool, a stealthy ninja, an evil crime lord, and an accomplished sniper all during one play break. To him it was a long awaited revenge. Revenge coming swiftly would have been stomping on her foot as she held his letter in her hand and laughed at his poem. 
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:19 am Post subject: |
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| Smee's Signature wrote: | | Worry never robs tomorrow of it's sorrow. It only saps today of its stength. |
And this is bothering me, so why don't you fix it? 8)
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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LOL, and ROFL
I'd love to pretend that I'd done it deliberately to see how long it'd take for someone to spot it and inform me. :wink:
However I openly admit my mistake and it has been corrected. 
If it's been Phang or Sax who'd spotted it I'd have claimed it was deliberate.:twisted:
As to your rightful defence of your story - a good point well stated, I back down and accept it as long awaited revenge.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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Just happy to catch Smee in a spelling mistake...
:mrgreen:
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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That's what I love about this whole idea. Unexpected treasures.
Well done Ethereal.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 8:10 am Post subject: |
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| Mordok wrote: | That's what I love about this whole idea. Unexpected treasures.
Well done Ethereal. |
Thanks... it was fun to write. A bit challenging since I kept equating Sol and his revenge with the grizzled old warrior Felix. That's why I finally chucked a more dramatic revenge in favor of the story I posted.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 11:22 am Post subject: |
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I hope to see a few more stories pop up. I don't want this little challenge to fall by the wayside.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 11:56 am Post subject: |
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I'm going to put an entry in if inspiration hits me.
May be close to the deadline though, busy at the moment.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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| I got three story lines I am choosing from myself but I will have an entry.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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The rain fell in sheets around sol. The bodies of his parents fresh in his mind as he new he was close to there killer. Silently using the sound of the rain as cover he slipped into the cave. Sol checked for hidden exits in the dark cave, he searched behind every sheet of vines and on top of every ledge. Slowly working his way around the cave until he was satisfied that there was only the small hole that he entered through to leave the cave. This is where he would set his trap.
Unbeknown to Fernando the great, was his death. And like so many before him he walked right to it.
Fernando’ armour was getting heavy with the rain. Seeing a small cave just off the road, he decided that it would be a good place to wait out the rain. With his armour on he couldn’t fit through cave mouth standing so he crawled through it. Slowly and cautiously he took off his heavy plate armour piece by piece, and oiling it with the oil from his ragged sack, also oiling his hauberk which was a near perfect fit for him. Keeping his leather under coat on to protect from the cold he settled down to sleep. Little did he know that it would be his last night on this plain.
Slowly sol moved his cloth padded shoes over the dry stones giving off a near silent whisper. Drawing his dagger slowly from its sheath, he reached forward and slowly brought the dulled bade across Fernando’s oesophagus. Relishing in the killing of his parents murderer and enjoying the feeling of the flesh tearing under his knife.
*system*//Fernando the great assassinated by sol\\
*system*//sol ejected from game by moderator\\
“Sol how many times do I have to tell you? You don’t kill family in the games, you’re supposed to be working together, and training. Now both of you 50 laps round the castle. MOVE IT”
“But I didn’t do anything” complained Fernando
“You should have kept you’re guard up what were you thinking sleeping in a strange cave, not even lighting a fire never mind checking for traps and animals.!” Raged the trainer.
“Told you I would get you back for sending me into the harem with out permission” sneered sol
“I’ll get you for this so!!!!” vowed Fernando
And so it began the start of the feud which would destroy the family.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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| its a bit short but its there. i hope you like it
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:15 am Post subject: |
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Oh boy! Another entry, by a new author!
It doesn't matter that the story is short, as long as it's complete. Very scifi-ish, a virtual reality revenge.
| monkey? wrote: | | The rain fell in sheets around sol. The bodies of his parents verb? maybe loomed fresh in his mind as he new he was close to there killer. Silently, using the sound of the rain as cover, he slipped into the cave. |
There are a couple of errors, and you still have plenty of time to add more content if you want. I like the little twist at the end, where they were in a virtual training. Good job.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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BStheGreat
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Well mine is short, buy here it is:
Sol’s Revenge
The dim streetlights flickered continuously, proving to be just as useless as the white light illuminated from the midnight moon. Lack of light would be used to my advantage on this night; it would hide my face from the one I hunt. Just thinking about the man brought back memories; dark, distant memories that I would use to power my rage.
My eyes were swollen, my stomach felt like it bled from the inside, and my right arm appeared to be broken. I was just a boy then, no older then eight years old, and he was several years older then me. His mouth of white teeth held a single imperfection; one of his two front teeth lay chipped severely.
He stood over my beaten body with a huge smile over his face and said in his deep voice, “Your dirty blood stains this earth.” I could still feel the pain of his foot connecting with my ribs, and I could still feel the blackness come over me as his foot came back for more, this time to the head.Now here I was, bigger then him, stronger then him, and craving revenge. I pounded on his front door, I could not wait any longer. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as his wife came to the door, I saw her face turn cold when I aimed my gun at her. I struck her with the back of my left hand and moved past her into the dining room. There he sat, my one true enemy; he held a baby in his arms and a small boy sat at his side.
I wasted no time, and with a loud bang the bullet got him in the chest. I heard the screams from his wife and his boy, but I thought nothing of them. I walked over to his bloody body, and starred into his eyes and said, “Your dirty blood stains this earth!”
A second bullet passed through his head, and I spat into his dead face. Holding the gun up to the left side of my head, I ended my life.
_________________
Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt?
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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Very good - straight to the point, gruesome, violent, and well written.
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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It's cool that there is more interest this time, but now I have to try harder if I want to keep the belt. 
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Mordok wrote: | | It's cool that there is more interest this time, but now I have to try harder if I want to keep the belt. |
Haha. In your face...
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2005 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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that was cool.
but... surley he could have roughed him up a bit first or torchered his wife to make him suffer more?
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Smee
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| Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 10:24 am Post subject: |
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Sol's Revenge...
Giving my beautiful wife a quick peck on the cheek I headed out the door. Monday morning had arrived with the same inevitability it always had; the enjoyment of the weekend’s time off work already fading, the dark grey clouds overhead not helping.
My car, whilst nothing spectacular, was still my pride and joy. A four-door, metallic silver Buick LeSabre, brand new just a year ago. Getting in and turning the radio on I began the twelve-mile journey to the office.
Arriving five-minutes early as usual, I parked in my reserved space and headed up to the seventeenth floor, nodding a welcome to Barry the doorman on the way. I worked as a senior accountant for a highly respected bank, advising the richest of our corporate clients. A nice job with some nice perks.
My secretary was already in place at her desk, a pile of opened mail in the top corner ready for me to pick up as I went by.
“Good morning Sandra”
Looking up from her typing she pushed her glasses further up her nose.
“Morning Mr. Walker, your ten o’clock called, he’s going to be twenty minutes late.
“Thanks. Is this all the mail” I said, gesturing towards the pile.
“Yes sir, the contract from the Millou account has arrived.”
“Excellent” I replied, picking them up and walking into my office.
With a quick flick through I pulled out the contract and threw the rest of the envelopes on to my desk. This contract was for one of the richest clients of the bank. With my help and advice I’d make their balance double in five years and probably make partner in the process.
I settled down to a morning of work and burned my way through everything by 11:30. Feeling hungry I decided on an early lunch. Handing Sandra a small group of dictation tapes for her to type, along with the Millou contract to fax back I walked out of the office and headed to my car. I wanted a pizza and knew of a fantastic Italian restaurant just a five minute drive away.
The tattered rubber of the back wheel caught my eye first and I soon noticed the others. All my tyres were slashed. Who had done this? How stupid were they. A quick glance up confirmed the several CCTV cameras watching the company carpark. Lunch forgotten I marched directly up to a slightly surprised Barry and told him what’d happened.
“Wow, I didn’t see nothing sir, do you want me to check the tapes”
Despite the circumstances I couldn’t help pick up on his double negative. If he ‘didn’t see nothing’ then he ‘did see something’. Was it bad grammar, or something else. I was surprised by my suspicious mind. Barry had worked for the company for years, and he’d stopped attempted thefts in the carpark several times during those years by his quick action. I quickly responded to him.
“Yeah, thanks that would be brilliant”
His eyes darted back and forth as he scanned the recordings on fast forward. I waited anxiously, hoping a good ID could be made on the culprit or culprits.
“Sorry sir, there’s nothing here! Nobody went anywhere near your car all morning.”
“Can I see” I countered.
“Sure” he replied as he turned the monitor around.
He rewound it and began the scan again. Within a few seconds I saw my car arrive, and then a few frames of myself as I walked into the office. Frame after frame of my car followed. I closely watched the tyres, looking for when they went down. Suddenly I saw myself heading out to lunch, the car now in it’s current state.
“As I said sir, nothing all morning.”
Completely bewildered I headed back up to my office, dismissing Sandra’s confusion with a mild gesture of my hand as I closed the door.
Practical considerations first, I called a garage to come and sort out the damage. One would be out by 2pm. I almost called the police and then decided against it. Without any video evidence there was nothing they could, or would, do.
A phone call disrupted my dealings, and Sandra’s voice informed me that Mr Vincent was on the phone. Putting aside the concerns of the day I thanked Sandra and took a deep breath. The Vincent account was even bigger than the Millou and I’d been working on it for the last two years. It was what had gotten me to the position I had.
“Good afternoon Mr Vincent”
“It might be for you, but it’s been very disappointing from my perspective”
“Oh, I’m sorry to here that Mr Vincent, how can I help you” I inquired.
“The IRS phoned me this morning informing me that I have not paid over $200’000 in corporate taxes over the last two years. If I don’t pay within 45 days prosecution proceedings will be started. Care to explain Mr Walker.”
I answered instinctively,
“That’s impossible, I went over those figures myself. Every cent was accounted for. There must be a mistake.”
“There’s no mistake Mr Walker, I have the figures here in front of me. The only concern I have is how you messed up, and what you’re going to do about it.”
My face flushed and panic all but consumed me. Forget about partner, I’d be fired.
“I..I.I’ll need to investigate Mr Vincent,” the stammer in my voice infuriating me, knowing there was nothing I could do about it, “I will call you back right away”
“Make sure you do. I’m not taking the fall for this Mr Walker.”
With the very obvious threat delivered he hung up. Wiping the sweat from my palms on my trousers I picked up my phone again. Sandra promptly answered.
“Sandra, patch me through to Jackson please, tell him it’s an emergency.”
“Ok sir, sir are you ok?” Genuine concern filled her voice.
“Not really, but if you could just do as I ask.”
Within a few seconds I heard the voice of the Senior Director on the other end of the phone.
“Jackson speaking, how can I help Daniel?”
“Sir, it’s a major one, are you available for a meeting?” I had to do this face to face, it couldn’t be done over the phone.
“I’ve a tight schedule for the whole afternoon, it had better be important”
“It is sir”
“Very well, get up here now.”
The phone went dead and I headed up to get fired.
45 minutes later I headed out of his office, hearing the pleading sounds of Jackson on the phone as I left,
“I understand Mr Vincent, one of our associates has left us down badly. Trust me when I say it’s been handled, and we’ll get everything sorted for you as soon as we can”
I headed out of the office, intent on going home. It was then I remembered my car. Heading back inside I gave my keys to Barry and asked him to sort out the repairs when the mechanic arrived.
Unusually a cab was just outside the office and I quickly got in it.
“Where to sir”
I gave him my address and we pulled out into the traffic.
Within a few minutes I realised he was going in the wrong direction. Like something from a movie I heard the click of the locks clamping down, even as a screen went up separating me from the driver.
I was trapped.
Completely drained from my day from hell I collapsed on the seat and waited to find out where I was being taken.
The car stopped after about twenty minutes. I had no idea where I was.
The screen rolled down and the driver stared at me.
That face…I recognised it. A lot older, but definitely the same guy.
“Sol…?” I whispered.
“Ah, so you do recognise me. Excellent, makes this so much more satisfying.”
“What are you doing…”
“Out of jail,” he finished the sentence for me. “Thought I’d come say thanks to the person who framed me and put me in there.”
For the second time that day panic almost consumed me. How could he know. I’d been so careful.
Sol continued.
“I see by your eyes you’re not going to dispute that. Bet you’re wondering how I found out. That’s the thing with prisons. Lots of bad men who know all about the activities of other bad men. I found out a lot more than your sordid past.”
“What do you want with me! It was twenty years ago, I was young and stupid” I was just blabbering, but I couldn’t help myself.
Sol’s voice suddenly dripped with anger,
“You set me up, stole twenty years of my life and then stole my wife. As I said before, I’m here to say ‘Thanks’. With you being fired today nobody will be surprised to learn of your suicide.”
I barely saw the gun before I felt it. A hammer between my eyes and then nothing.
Wow, once again I struggled with the word limit, reaching about 1650 first time round. Some serious editting required.
I hope you enjoyed.
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
Last edited by Smee on Tue Apr 05, 2005 9:37 am; edited 3 times in total
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 5:09 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | A 4 door, metallic silver Buick LeSabre, brand new just a year ago. Getting in and turning the radio on I began the 12 mile journey to the office. |
Shouldn't this be written as either 4-door and 12-mile, or preferably four-door and twelve-mile? Generally when numbers are less than 21 or can be written as a single word (thirty as opposed to thirty-one) then the word is spelled out, and if it decribes another non-number word it is hyphenated. At least that's what my professional writing instructors have taught me, but professional writing is different than authoring a novel or short story.
| Smee wrote: | | I parked in my reserved space and headed up to the 17 floor..... |
This should be spelled out as the seventeenth floor.
| Smee wrote: | | Sandra’s voice informed me that Mr Vincent |
There should be a . after Mr.
| Smee wrote: | | “out of jail” he finished the sentence for me. |
Even though he's finishing someone else's sentence, the first letter should still be capitalized, and a comma needs to appear at the end of the fragment. " Out of jail,"
| Smee wrote: | Wow, once again I struggled with the word limit, reaching about 1650 first time round. Some serious editting required.
I hope you enjoyed. |
I enjoyed the story. Very dark and brutal concept of Sol. And yes you are pushing the word limit a wee bit. My greatest pleasure comes from making a Smee-like reply about a Smee post 8) . I was just disappointed that I couldn't find any spelling mistakes and had to stoop to punctuation and sematics :mrgreen:
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 5:34 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Fauna,
I never been formally taught anything about numbers in writing, so I'm going to go by your rule from now on.
runs off to correct errors
edit:
hmmm, I'm not sure I understand your hyphenating rule? Why is it four-door, but seventeenth floor. They are both non-number words, so shoudn't they both be hyphenated? The same with five minutes - hyphenated or not? 
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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| Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="ethereal_fauna"] | Smee wrote: | | A 4 door, metallic silver Buick LeSabre, brand new just a year ago. Getting in and turning the radio on I began the 12 mile journey to the office. |
[size=12]Shouldn't this be written as either 4-door and 12-mile, or preferably four-door and twelve-mile? [color=red]Generally when numbers are less than 21 or can be written as a single word (thirty as opposed to thirty-one) then the word is spelled out, and if it decribes another non-number word it is hyphenated. At least that's what my professional writing instructors have taught me, but professional writing is different than authoring a novel or short story.[/color]
I studied the number rules just last week, and it is anything over ten is supposed to be put as a number.
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Phang
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| Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 12:34 pm Post subject: Don't move! |
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I'm doing one too! Just sorting some things out...
Now I can relax Dept.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:21 am Post subject: |
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I'll star with Smee's and work up the ladder.
| Quote: | | I wanted a pizza and knew of a fantastic Italian a five minute drive away. |
I believe you meant to put restaurant in here or something that points the reader in some other direction. Otherwise it sounds like you are going to meet an Italian who is going to give you a pizza.
| Quote: | | I worked as a senior accountant for a very respected bank |
I believe instead of very you might want to try using "highly" in front of respected. Or change respected to respectable.
Numbers is an easy rule, zero to nine are words, everything else is a muber. There is a possible exception to this rule that states any number that can be written in one word should be written out. e.g. thirty is a word, 31 is a number.
Hope that helps! Great story! Loved the flow of that one.
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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Cheers random,
The pizza italian thing I guess is an English querk. If we want italian food we just go to 'the Italian down the road".
Same as we go "to the Chinese, the Indian, and the Fish & Chip shop".
The word 'restaurant' is there in meaning, but the need to say it is lost. But as I still have 4 words left before I hit 1500, just for you, I'll add 'restaurant'
The respected bank : cheers I'll change it.
And thanks for clearing the number rule as well (thanks to whoever guest was as well).
EDIT:
You've pushed me to 1499 words - if any more missing words are spotted I don't want to know. :wink:
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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BStheGreat
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| Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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Finally Smee has gotten his share of corrections beaten into his skull. Finally the dictionary boy has been taken to school. OH YEAH!! I only wish i could have corrected him myself. Well, this cuban aint going to be wasted. Ahh... thats good.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 8:28 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | hmmm, I'm not sure I understand your hyphenating rule? Why is it four-door, but seventeenth floor. They are both non-number words, so shoudn't they both be hyphenated? The same with five minutes - hyphenated or not? |
Well pick on me.  Let's get technical:
A compound modifier is defined as two or more words that combine to express a single concept, like four and door both describing the car, but only making sense when used together (it's not a door car, or a four car, but a four-door car)
With seventeenth floor, you do not have a compound modifier. Seventeenth is decribing floor, but seventeenth floor is not combined into a single concept to describe another feature.
The punctuation convention is to hyphenate compound modifiers whenever they appear in phrases in which the relationship among the words might be ambiguous or confusing. In general, this principle works to produce this rule:
Hyphenate a compound modifier when it appears before a noun. (four-door car, five-minute limit)
Do not hyphenate a compound modifier when it appears in the predicate. (car with four doors, limit of five minutes)
As for spelling out numbers vs writing digits, opinions differ as to when a writer should abandon spelled-out numbers and move to an arabic format.
Publications with short deadlines and narrow column widths, such as news print, usually move to arabic when numbers are two digits or more (at number 10; q.v., The AP Stylebook and Libel Manual).
Publications with longer deadlines and wider column widths, such as novels and books, often recommend moving to arabic either when numbers begin to be hyphenated (at number twenty-one) or when they are three digits or more (at number 100; q.v., The Chicago Manual of Style).
Many numbers under 100 are hyphenated in their spelled-out form: 21-29; 31-39; . . . 91-99 are hyphenated in any position in a sentence. Other spelled-out numbers are hyphenated only when they qualify as a compound modifier that stands before a noun.
The reason for hyphenating compound modifiers before nouns is to eliminate ambiguity. The hyphen helps the reader figure out what attaches to what. When the phrase stands in isolation, such help isn't needed.
This is generally considered the most complicated and perverse issue in editorial style? (gosh I sound like my technical writing professor)
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 9:05 am Post subject: |
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Good answer
Thanks for that Fauna. Very helpful
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| Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 9:50 am Post subject: |
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| well ill write one like tonight or tommorow
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| Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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I'm starting one with Sol as the Sun God - not particularly original, but lets see how it turns out.
EDIT: When's the closing date?
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| Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I thought your story was great, Smee.
Too bad no one caught any juicy spelling errors. I long for the day.
hahahahaha...good fun.
I learned some things from your educational hyphen rules, Fauna. Quit it! My head is full and it hurts cramming new things in.
Although I have nothing at the moment, I am not yet ready to relinquish the belt. Expect my offering soon.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:08 am Post subject: Sol's revenge... |
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It didn't mention that Sol had to be human, did it? If it did and I didn't notice, I'm buggered...
In today’s news…
A man has been found in an abandoned warehouse brutally murdered. His nails and teeth were ripped out, and he had been viciously beaten. A group of boys discovered the unknown man hanging from the rafters by a leash. The body was so mutilated the man’s identity is unknown…
Alone, lost, hated…they hate me. That’s why they tore my thumb-nails out…ripped out my fangs…left me in this cage to be laughed at…to be HATED…
Well they can hate. They will fear me soon…
Steve tied the creature to one of the bars of the cage. It obviously couldn’t escape, but he liked to be sure. And it made it look more dangerous if it was muzzled and tied up, as well as caged.
He left through the door and wandered around as he waited for the new crowd of customers to arrive. Behind him, something was happening that would change his life-or rather end it. If he had turned round then, none of it would have happened. But he didn’t. Until…
“You…HATE Sol” Steve spun round. The creature crouched, muzzle snapped in two on the floor, leash in his hands. “Sol…HATE you…” he ran towards the cage, crouching to look at the creature. Did it know what it was saying? How did it learn to talk? Had it been able to talk all this time?
That was when it struck. Slipping the leash through the bars of the cage, it crushed Steve’s neck against the bars, then let go and let Steve’s lifeless body slide to the floor. Reaching through the bars, it slowly dragged the body closer until it found what it wanted…the keys. Unlocking itself, it crawled out and padded along to the other cages, releasing each one as it went. Soon, it had an army behind it.
Many, found, feared…
Mike woke with a start when he heard the noise. Throwing the door open, whip in hand, he encountered the freaks, surrounding him, trapping him in. The green-haired one came forward. Before he could act, it reared up into a massive beast…that was when the revenge began.
News update…
A note has been found pinned to the leash. On one side, ‘Mike, Owner: Sol’ On the other side, ‘Sol Master now. Sol kill.’
Sol…HATE you…
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:58 am Post subject: |
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A very sinister entry, Phang. Good job.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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