 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Idea master
Magus Extraordinaire
Joined: 10 May 2004
Topics: 46
Posts: 1787
Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 2:44 pm Post subject: Chapter 16 - The Fusers |
 |
|
What has happened before...
You, Thadius LaFontania, stumbled upon the city of Fae, the lost city of knowledge. Within the infirimy you found an unusual patient; your own father, long presumed dead. He explained his treachery, his double lives, and then agreed to go with you to the next temple, that of wizards.
It was only two days upon the road when you heard the sounds of a village, and the air itself changed to fog, then thinned into mist...
When you awaken, you find yourself lying back down on a hard, uncomfortable bed. You check to make sure that your remaining mental facilites are intact, and take a quick glance at your surroundings. You hear a cry, and look for the source of the voice. A little girl has wandered in, chasing her pet kitten, and seen you move your head. You smile reasuringly at the youth, and she come cautiously nearer. The kitten is content sitting upon your chest and taking a quick nap. You gently take the kitten off you and hand it to the girl. "There," you say, "try not to lose her."
She smiles at you, and then says, "But sir, I didn't lose her, she merely was following her natural instinct to not trust humans."
This statement leaves you with your mouth hanging open. To hear a youth utter such a sentence at the appearant age of three? Then you hear another female voice, older, deeper, much more experienced. "Cassie! Leave the poor man alone! Goodness knows he's been through enough."
"He appears to have regained control of his motor functions, biological female parent!"
Again, you are stunned, but this time you recover quicker and sit up as the mother steps in. She looks at you with knowing eyes and says, "Aye, she has that effect on most people when they first meet her. You run along now, Cassie."
The girl leaves with her kitten and looks back at you. She opens her mouth, but the mother places her hand over it. "Goodness, don't shock him again! Just you go outside and have fun."
The girl leaves and the mother sighs. "To be blessed with such a smart child...and to have to wait until she learns how to control it!"
Then she turns to you from the doorway and says, "Come, come, you must be famished! Come here and have something to eat!"
The mother concetrates, and out of thin air a feast appears upon her meager table. Indeed, some of it falls off and lands on the floor. There is so much food there that you feel as though you'll never be hungry again, any part of you.
As you stuff yourself, you begin to ask the standard questions; namely, What happened? Where am I? Who are you? and the dear lady anwsers them all paitently.
"To tell you all this and have it make sense, I'll have to tell you a tale. Long ago, when all the races were formed, there was one that didn't quite fit in anywhere. This magnificent race was the Fae. Ah, I see you met them by that look in your eye, the look of wonders seen. Anyway, there were some Fae that weren't quite happy with the way their life was...they grew sick with all the wonders, I guess. They formed other races, which is not that hard to do for them. They formed the half-humans, the mythical monsters, all of the things that make the world what it is. And then, they were about to die. For a Fae only lives as long as it lived within their grand city. They wanted their works to go on longer, and yet it seemed as though they were doomed to end...until they came up with the plan of investing their powers in humans. However, they could only pass on part of the powers they had. So now in this day and age, we have infintly less than they did, but infinitly more than other humans. The one power that we retain is the ablity to fuse two things into one. We call ourselves the Fusers. However, even that power has become diluted, until we can only fuse one particular thing. My daughter has the ablity to fuse great wisdom into her own brain, and I have the ablity to fuse food I picture into reality."
She ends her narrative, and looks at the remmants of her feast. Then she sighs and looks expectantly at you. You begin your tale. "My name is Thadius LaFontania-"
"Shh! I know already! You had fitful dreams that kept you in motion all last night! It's a wonder you didn't wake the village up! You were restrained until you calmed down. That's how you got that."
She points at a bloody patch on your clothes, and you see that a large portion of your skin was ripped away, right above your left lung. Indeed, from a wound that large, you should have died...you look at her again.
"My husband has the ablity to fuse well-being into any person. Thankfully, it works on the mind as well as the body."
You stand up. "There was an old man traveling with me..."
She frowns. "Poor thing. He didn't make it through our sheild. He's probably still wandering about in there, lost in more ways than one."
You almost explode with rath. Your one last parent, untrustworthy and unfaithful as he may have been, was still your father. Underlying it all is a deep sense of found and lost.
She senses this. "Calm down! He may yet be saved! On the morrow we shall see you to the village elder so he may explain further our nature."
She shows you to your room. By this time, it is very late, and you do feel tired, even yur vampiric self. You sleep deeply, yet fitfully, over the issue of your father and whether you would rescue him, even if you could.
_________________
...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil.
...No plans yet.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
rlz
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| That was an awesome friggin story! I wish ( maybe I can, just don't know it) I could write like you!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hey rlz, I'm glad you're taking part in one of the active story's. I agree with you, this story is great. Maybe you should also check out all the other stories, not now, but eventually.
_________________
 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 4:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
Not bad, Idea master. I like the story, but it seems you have sort of lost the talent to end your chapters on decision point. The only choices we seem to have is to go to see the Fae elder to save your father or just leave him there as prey to whatever monsters may live in the forest. I think some of your sentences are coming out a bit awkward. Try reading your story before posting, just to make sure everything makes sense. Good luck!
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
rlz
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 10:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I noticed that too rave
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 2:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Did you read all the chapters before this one? I am just wondering. Because I find it odd that you would have noticed that the decison points are not ending well in just being part of this site for a week. Did you like sit in front of your computer all weekend, and read all the main stories and their long chapters?
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mordok
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 3:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Haha RW, you just reminded me of the day I found this site. I spent all weekend reading every single post in every single story. I even read the archives.
Rainy weekends are cool for stuff like that. 
I agree though, not much of a decision point for this good story.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 4:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Mordok, you're freaking me out- didn't you have anything better to do at your house???
_________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2005 5:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Mordok wrote: | Haha RW, you just reminded me of the day I found this site. I spent all weekend reading every single post in every single story. I even read the archives.
Rainy weekends are cool for stuff like that.
I agree though, not much of a decision point for this good story. |
Mordok, I would do that. But mother kicked me off the computer because she feared that I was ruining my eyes. But I would have to agree with D, isn't there anything better do at your house than read the stories on this site?
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Random
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2005 8:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
Wow, that was a really long read. 16 chapters!!!! WHOO WEEE!!!
Ok one thing I really enjoyed about all of this is seeing your writing improve over the last few chapters. Things became a little more tidy, and made a lot more sense as I got deeper into the story.
However, the story it still really jumpy. You move from one event to the next with no thought of the time in between, or the possibilities of deeper character development. What you lack in your story is focus.
Plus you have gone from a storygame to a story, leaving us with little or no choices in what happens. The latest choice seems to be "leave your father stranded to probably die, or don't". That isn't much of a choice.
With that being said, I really do like your story. You have got a great imagination and you have a bold approach to words that can work for you.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mordok
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2005 9:14 am Post subject: |
|
|
As an answer to D and RW I say this.
Nope.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
LOL! I should have known because I think I already knew that was going to be the answer.
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
kenshin himura
Citizen
Joined: 10 Mar 2004
Topics: 1
Posts: 333
Location: in your dreams
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 8:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
very interesting You three have the best conversations on the site!
I wish I had some freinds on this site.*looks around pleedingly*
but as it happens I dont and it is shamefull becouse im typing from
school (becouse my internet is not working at my house.)
has anyone herd of the ALC? that is where I go.
_________________
Ish yara al-ahdab hadbat-u
(a hunchback does not see his own hunch. -folk saying)
Last edited by kenshin himura on Fri Jan 14, 2005 8:40 am; edited 2 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
kenshin himura
Citizen
Joined: 10 Mar 2004
Topics: 1
Posts: 333
Location: in your dreams
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 8:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
Oh, by the way, great chapter. it is your kind of work that makes me want to espire to be a writer in this site!
_________________
Ish yara al-ahdab hadbat-u
(a hunchback does not see his own hunch. -folk saying)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 9:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
| kenshin himura wrote: | very interesting You three have the best conversations on the site!
I wish I had some freinds on this site.*looks around pleedingly*
but as it happens I dont and it is shamefull becouse im typing from
school (becouse my internet is not working at my house.)
has anyone herd of the ALC? that is where I go. |
Thanks. Actually everyone in this site just posts their opinions to something, and it always turns into a conversation. Besides I too use the computers at my school, since its I have to board there. And to tell you this is how you spell "pleading" Just to point out, you know.
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
kenshin himura
Citizen
Joined: 10 Mar 2004
Topics: 1
Posts: 333
Location: in your dreams
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 11:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
thank you, actually I am still in school right now. it is 1:31
_________________
Ish yara al-ahdab hadbat-u
(a hunchback does not see his own hunch. -folk saying)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 5:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I get to use com. in school too. I finished my layout in the publications class, so I always have some time...man, I'm addicted to this site... Well, if it wasn't for the story's, if it was only open forum and stuff, I wouldn't come, because then this would be one of those "loser" sites. The stories make it from loser to cool!
_________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 6:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
How very true D. I love the stories on this site. They're all so innovative and entertaining to read. Of course you could say the only reason you visit this site is because you have a story in the Main Forum, and you want to see how many posts you get each day or every hour.
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 6:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I think that might be true. The only reason for me coming back is my story, saxon ( he's my hommie) , and Game Over.
_________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mordok
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2005 9:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I am deeply hurt by that D-man. I thought you came here for my jokes.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2005 1:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
M-man, I think D does come here for your jokes. But I think he must have forgotten or something. D, I could be wrong, but it's a valid guess.
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mandi Jehane
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2005 5:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Idea Master... I have just finished reading all your completed chapters... I must say congratulations.... your writing style has grown in leaps and bounds... I must commend you in taking critisim well... and the fact that you have taken on board all ideas and suggestions that have been posted to improve your storyline.... I look forward to reading more....
I have to admit that when i came to this site i was looking for rpg games to play... But your story has convinced me to come back to this site to read more....
Yours in anticipation :twisted:
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2005 7:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I dedicated a joke club to you... but now you don't make that many jokes, and they're not that funny anymore...sorry. This week there is a bunch of new people tha are joining. This is great. Welcome everybody new!
_________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
InsaneCP
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:08 pm Post subject: |
|
|
i am suprised  i thought i was the only one still in school who went here  all i know for sure is that ravenwing rlz and mordok are right the story doesnt have much of a decision point, but the thing about that is it really increases the suspense i mean i cant wait to read the next chapter and ravenwing i just wanted to say its hard to believe your in school because your stories just ain't the kind you normally see coming from a person who is still in school 8)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 4:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thanks for the compliment InsaneCP. I too am amazed that I am only 16 and I write that kind of stuff. But my opinion of my stories written two years ago is like "What the hell were you thinking!" Those were some really bad stories then; they had horrible dialogue, really long narrative, and the plot sucked.
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 8:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm in school too, and I get my inspiration form READING LOTS OF BOOKS! When I look at last weeks work I get the same reaction you do RW. Actually, I look at what I just wrote and I think it sucks. I've increased my writing skills humungously in the last months. I used to be like you when I started writing Bushido Rave, but now I've learned a bunch of new things which help me out a lot.
_________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 2:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yup same here. I am your typical bookworm. Always reading some books, sometimes multiple books at ONE TIME! But I get most of my stylistic ideas from reading different authors and genres. But I know I have several unread books on my shelf, and I don't know when I am going to get through them. One good fact I know is that as long as I am alive I will be reading books. Thats one good thing.
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Idea master
Magus Extraordinaire
Joined: 10 May 2004
Topics: 46
Posts: 1787
Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:14 am Post subject: |
|
|
Sorry all. I've been busy, and with one thing and another, Interfable just sort of fell by the wayside. I've been planning the next few chapters and I really want to say thank you all for sticking with me, even if I haven't been sticking with you. Also, thanks for the compliments and critisim, I know most of what I've been doing wrong now. Nobody's perfect, but we can all try at least. The next few chapters will probably come out like one every two weeks. One week for critisim absorbing, one for planning. Really, I want to thank you all.
_________________
...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil.
...No plans yet.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
