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NeverNeverGirl
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 Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:54 pm Post subject: 6 - A Barry too far (or not far enough) |
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Chapter 6 – A Barry too far (or not far enough)
‘BARTRIX VIKTORIUS GALANTRIE DEVINOUS! Oh my god, oh my god, its you..’ Barry turned three shades of puce* and to his left towards the voice that had entered the clearing.
‘When I heard you were coming here I could NOT believe it! Barry! Here in my town! Well just outside of it really.. but the point is the same...’
The figure that had entered the clearing, cutting off the Shag before it could complete its sentence, sent Barry’s mind reeling with incredulity. It was 6 feet tall, gangly limbed and dressed in, Barry looked down at himself for confirmation, Yes – exactly what Barry was wearing himself. Just with less muscle mass, Barry mused, a LOT less. It also had short blonde hair, blue eyes, a Roman nose and appeared to be a grown male – sort of – in that no-longer-a-child-not-yet-a-man aspect.
‘Barry – it is so good to meet you!’ The youth came forward and pumped Barry’s arm excitedly. Wearing the goofy lop-sided grin of the manic obsessive and using the high pitched falsetto of the near insane, the youth went on in a gushing of words. ‘
My name is Evan! Oh my god I cannot believe I am meeting you! Tell me Barry - I have always wanted to know - what did the High Priestess whisper to you in The Darkest Night? I always did wonder, it seemed to fill you with an inner light – some message from a Divinity I assume...’ Evan prattled on and on and Barry stood next to the Shag listening in bemusement, reflecting on what the High Priestess Sofila had, actually, said** with a grin.
The shag looked up at Barry and made the Universal hand gesture for ‘this guy is freaking nuts, yes?’ and motioned Barry to come closer towards him. Evan ranted on, oblivious to the fact that his Hero was otherwise conversing.
‘Right Lad, the names Bumfluff, Nadger Bumfluff – I have been contracted by the Union of Sidekicks and Miscellaneous Fairytale Characters to take up the role of Sidekick to one Bartrix Devinous, being yourself. Did you know that they had to outsource just to find someone with enough kahones to do the job? I am telling you, I did some research on your last couple of sideys and they don’t quite sell the job do they? Not a single retiree amongst them, but 20 fatalities in two years? I mean gored by a Minotaur while sent to get the paper, being hurled into an active volcano by a large winged octopus, being sentenced to La Petite Mort*** – well to be honest it was that last one that sold me, hehe, I looked it up - that I did, and well I couldn’t find nothing to complain about there - if you know what I mean...’
The lewd face made by Nadger was enough to force Barry back to the situation at hand. His mind took the obvious jumps in logic and did a u-turn past Sofila, BY PASSED Evan and somehow returned to the current situation with the question most would have asked first.
“Hang on a moment didn’t you say that somebody wanted me ‘removed’?’
It was at this point that Evan noticed his audience wasn’t so captive and he jumped at the chance to impress.
‘Oh yes! I had heard about that! The thoughts are that its one of about four major players, though my friend Stan thinks that its this new villain he has heard about.. um whats his name?’ Evan trailed away in thought.
Barry stared blankly at the boy, lost in thought as his two brain cells, being extremely active, hurtled through his skull and reached the same conclusion at the same moment crashing into each other with an almost terminal velocity. Once again displaying astounding (and trade marked) leaps in logic Barry caught up with himself.
‘Wait! Where did you hear that? Being way out here this far from civilisation? I mean you are hardly in the information hub are you?’
Evan smiled proudly at Barry, at last he had his full attention. This was the moment he had been waiting for, the one that had been studied for, trained for and reached at this very moment. All that sweat training, the time reading, the days, weeks, years. Here in this defining moment Bartirx Devinous had turned to Evan for help and it was this he would be telling his grandchildren about one day.
‘Um, actually I subscribe.’ Evan smiled shyly at Barry. Barry looked dumbstruck, his jaw had fallen to his chest and he scoffed out right. Evan begun to tick off his points on his hand while Bartirx failed to comprehend just exactly what he was syaing.
‘To the Bartrix monthly, the Hero daily, the Juggernaut Chronicles, Habeus Corpeus Quarterly is good for the villains. Plus I have all the cards, comics, fanfic and posters. Plus the authorised, unauthorised and never to be released (due to law suits) Bartrix biographies. You could say that I am somewhat of a ... ahem.. Barryologist – it was my thesis you know. ‘The probable out comes of a Barry-Less World’.. it was considered breakthrough.’
Evan rocked back onto his heels in pride arms wrapped around himself in a self satisfied hug. A small smile flashed on his features as Barry stared at him dumbfounded.
‘Gah, I.. what.. huh?’ Barry spoke with the fluid grace of whale stranded in the middle of the desert – ineffectually and not being all that sensible.
Nadger let out a roar of laughter that echoed through the Mountains and smelled strongly of ale, raw meat and some unidentifiable spice. Slapping Barry heartily on the back the Shag fought to breathe he was laughing go hard.
‘Oh Lad the look on your face! Priceless, simply worth every penny in the vaults of Aladdin!’ The Shags eyes were streaming and he wiped them across the back of his sleeve, smearing some strange brown filth across his face with the movement.
‘Didn’t you know that some of them Executive types had decided to set up a cavalcade of heroes’ son? You were voted Hero above the Rest by the masses Barry, and as such you got the works! All that stuff he mentioned plus a place in the Alandrian Hall of Supergreatness!’
Evan beamed brighter than ever, if that was possible.
‘Actually I was elected by the Society of Barry to inform Barry of all the latest updates. We had become aware through the network – we have subscribers write in with Barry sightings and updates from all over the place, nice work with Desdemona by the way – that Bartrix himself was unaware of the legions of fans he had amassed. Above those of a Normal Hero of course...’
Barrys mind was reeling and before he knew it Evan and the Shag had decided that they should return to Evans village. Night was fast approaching, though there was nothing for Barry to fear from beasts of the Night, it was almost 4 in the afternoon and he hadn’t eaten, swilled ale or shagged a maiden in about 12 hours which could lead to almost dire consequences.
‘Hang on Barry!’ Evan interupted Barrys incredulity with a question. ‘What do we do first?’
Barry stared at Evan and the Shag. What was he to do?
Okay we have some options here.. this is a transitional passage so excuse its brevity...
go see Stan about the new villain, go see evans stuff, go to the tavern and eat, go bed a wench... you name it kids....
*everyone even the most vain glorious gods are ashamed of their middle names
** ‘Darling Barry the Priestess Constance and I were hoping you could attend a very private soiree so that we may thank you more personally for what you have done..’ wink wink nudge nudge
*** La Petite Mort – French trans. ‘The Little Death’.... referring to the Big O
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Last edited by NeverNeverGirl on Sun May 11, 2008 1:35 am; edited 3 times in total
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:39 am Post subject: |
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Two brilliant characters there, Nene, oh boy do they make such a great team, the three of them! Nadger Bumfluff the Shag looks like he's going to be the sidekick that keeps trying to take over and Evan - he's just perfect!
I'm spoilt for choice here. Going to look at Evan's stuff that would be fun, but if they were going to get any superhero stuff done the sensible thing would go see Evan's friend Stan about this villain. Although could Barry deal with TWO obsessive Barry fans at once? 
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Bed a wench, I say.  I see a good opportunity for a plot twist there...
Let the wench be one of Desdemona's agents, or even have a venereal disease. 
Maybe even make her a sorcerer that uses magic to conceal her (not good) looks until she beds Barry.
She could be an assassin, a spy that tries to persuade Barry that she should travel with him, you name it!. There is a lot of use for wenches in this story. 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:00 am Post subject: |
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Shag by name, shag by, er...chapter. I think you see where I'm heading here.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:40 am Post subject: |
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The Dark has read this tale. It is too full of humour and mirth for The Dark. Needless to say, The Dark suggests he takes the food, the rest and the women and then ditches these losers.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:53 am Post subject: |
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I think China has the long and short of it. Heroes don't make plans and stuff like that. I mean, finding out about your enemy strikes to me as plain cowardness, and just not cricket.
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:03 am Post subject: |
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oh, Barry must find some wench to release the pent up demons within, before he flips out and goes all murderous insane with built up, er, tension.
after that is taken care of, then, yeah, find some food and drink and have a good ole time. Trouble always finds the hero.
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If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
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without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:45 am Post subject: |
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I find myself strangely agreeing with the Meph and Night. With more emphasis on the food and drink so trouble can find him. Screw plans.
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 Just another statistic now. I'd always hoped you could be more. Haven't seen you in years. Now, only in my tears- Unseen and restless.
People come and go. But hope, they'll never know- that I had for you and have still for those whom we held close.
I'll see you in my thoughts and dreams.
Try not worry for you- unseen. A child I knew you then- Now amongst the dead spirits of men.
Live on little boy.
My hopeless joy.
I'll hang on if you linger.
Rest your spirit with me.
One friend down. Goodbye Christian.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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| *covers eyes and finger lands on a choice* BED A WENCH!
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 1:57 am Post subject: |
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This seems like a one-sided DP. 
You could as well skip the poll and write the next chapter, 'cause it seems like he'll get some anyway.
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Beyond Good and Evil
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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okay cy there is a process lol =- lets let the good ppl read the story to okay? lol
why dont you all (inc the next commenters who havent ye choosen wenching as the dp) tell me about our wench?
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Rune
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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Two words:
Adams Apple
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Just another statistic now. I'd always hoped you could be more. Haven't seen you in years. Now, only in my tears- Unseen and restless.
People come and go. But hope, they'll never know- that I had for you and have still for those whom we held close.
I'll see you in my thoughts and dreams.
Try not worry for you- unseen. A child I knew you then- Now amongst the dead spirits of men.
Live on little boy.
My hopeless joy.
I'll hang on if you linger.
Rest your spirit with me.
One friend down. Goodbye Christian.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 2:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Rune wrote: | Two words:
Adams Apple |
a couple of words came to mind as soon as i read this and i actually said them out loud in a very public place ...  LOL
here they are
'oh Rune, oh, yes yes yes!'
(getting more excited and loud as i went on.. *sigh* looks for new computer acces for whens shes out and about )
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| Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Groupies, perhaps?
And why "wench" in the singular?
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| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:56 am Post subject: |
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NeNe! There has been a week since the last post by Zephy, let's continue with the story!
I wanna see some drinking and fun times, and I'm sure the others feel the same.
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Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:49 pm Post subject: |
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Okay the consensus was Bed a Wench so im nto going to run a poll!
WOOT make that two wenches mayhaps...
YAY - just had the bestest idea ever!
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| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Hmm,Finally caught up with the rest of the story. But it appears I may have been a bit late to vote myself. But I still say he should visit the nerds place. After all. What other fun hi-jinks could possibly occur?
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