City of IF

[Chinaren]

All,
This story is the one bid on in my 'Story of Greed' thread.


I am not very happy with the title at the moment. Suggestions always listened to!

Opportunities for bribery will be presented, and I intend to include characters from The City in this game!

I mean to do this in a humorous* fashion, so I hope everyone can take a joke! If you really don't want to 'join in' please let me know! I don't mean to offend, though it will include adult situations, some of which may be quite strong!

*Is that how you spell that?

[Hyperion]

Thawt ees indeeyd howe yew speel that theer huumeroos!

[Chinaren]

Chapter 1.

Moved to its own thread.

---->

Who shall it be?

Suggest a name!! Payment accepted if someone suggests your name for me not to use it!!

[Chinaren]

Hyperion wrote: Thawt ees indeeyd howe yew speel that theer huumeroos!

Blimey! That was quick, didn't even have time to post the first chapter!

And before anyone says anything: Yes, I appreciate the irony of having the super Goody hero called Evil Homer!

[Shady Stoat]

I'm hating the hero already. Good writing Chinaren!! ;)

Are we going back to the auction forum to bid on the name for chapter 2, or are we staying here to do it?

[Hyperion]

I appreciate the fact that Phang will have your head as soon as SHE sees the story.

[Smee]

Entertaining Chinaren. :D

I think Muaddib might let you off the enslaving and doggie fun if you go back and spell the name right. :)

Quote: Suggest a name!! Payment accepted if someone suggests your name for me not to use it!!

So I suggest Chinaren. Feel free to pay yourself if you don't want to be used :D

Happy Writing. :)

[Phang]

A few technicalities...

chinaren wrote: The Villain.

Phang sat on his dark throne and caressed the obsidian skull carving under his hand. He loved his throne, it had taken 101 innocent children, tortured non-stop for three days and nights and then sacrificed to the demons to get it, but it was worth every young scream. The throne was obsidian black, and carved with images of many different evils. The back towered high above him, topped off by the grinning face of a hideous devil. Grown men had been known to fall down and weep at the very sight of it; some had even lost their sanity, a reaction that pleased Phang mightily. He chuckled to himself at the very thought, his laughter echoing around his dark throne room, causing his loyal followers (every one had been broken to Phangs will, with methods too horrible to record here) to smile and nod happy drooling smiles, pleased that their master was happy.

For the less fortunate souls held in the hall (hung, strapped and nailed on and into a variety of interesting devices) the laughter sounded like pure evil, which it probably was.

At the sound of his master’s chuckling, Mudib came closer to him. Phang reached down and patted Mudib’s head, stroking it in an absent-minded fashion.

Mudib was another of his many triumphs. Some time ago, when his campaign of evil was still young, Mudib had been a powerful king in the land of Drif. His land and armies had fought mightily against Phang’s dark forces, but had slowly been forced back and back.

Finally Mudib came forth on the battlefield and offered his life if Phang would spare his kingdom. Phang had assured him that he would do so, and Mudib had been taken into the Dark Lair. Of course, after that the Dark Lord’s forces had taken great delight in razing every city in Drif to the ground, torturing, killing and enslaving the inhabitants.

When Phang had informed Mudib of the fate of his kingdom, the ex-king had lost all will to live. Still, Phang was no mere villain. He was the Dark Lord, and letting Mudib live would have been too easy. Instead, he had Mudib’s limbs removed (slowly and painfully of course) and replaced them with small wheels powered by a perpetual motion engine. Now the mutilated thing could wheel himself around by a device controlled by the nodding of his head.

Phang had allowed Mudib to keep his other organs, though he was beginning to think that he may have to have him neutered, as the limbless creature had been rather too frisky with his favorite hound lately. It was expecting another litter of pups, and the offspring of the previous litters had been rather strange, even by Phang’s standards.

He dismissed the thought for the moment, coming back to ponder more serious problems. The Last Kingdom was still resisting all efforts at domination. He frowned as he re-read the latest campaign reports from his generals. The combined forces of Elves, Gnomes and Humans at the Pass of Cra-yon were still secure behind the great fort there. The Elvish magicians were neutralizing his own mages, whilst human wizards used their magic to attack. The gnome’s cannons were also causing devastation amongst the ground troops, forcing the bulk of his army to retreat out of range. Now they were requesting his presence on the battlefield. Impertinence! Incompetence! Imbeciles! And any other negative words beginning with ‘I’. He kicked Mudib across the room in a sudden temper causing him to land on his back and yelp in agony. One of his leg wheels flew off and rolled across the floor.

Phang was distracted by the sight of Mudib trying to right himself, and the sight of the creature sadly wheeling along after his lost limb was enough to put a smile back on his face.

He stood up in a much more positive frame of mind. Perhaps he had been away from the battlefield too long. It was all well and good torturing innocents tucked away in his castle, but perhaps it was time to go and maim, kill and rampage in the open again. Remind the common masses why they lived in fear of him again. Yes, that was it. A little fresh air and bloodletting would do him good.

He strode forward, his huge black cloak billowing behind him, despite the lack of wind. He just had to see to the latest prisoner first. He strode majestically to the holding cell, where the morning victim was chained up.

“You!” he commanded to the groveling wretch, a human male. Spots and scabs covered his face; obviously a childhood disease had left him horribly disfigured. “What is your name?”

Other than that, a great story :D

[evilhomer28]

Shady Stoat wrote: I'm hating the hero already. Good writing Chinaren!! ;)



so you are hating me now? well how much do i owe you chinaren?

[Chinaren]

Smee wrote: Entertaining Chinaren. :D

Quote: Suggest a name!! Payment accepted if someone suggests your name for me not to use it!!

So I suggest Chinaren. Feel free to pay yourself if you don't want to be used :D


I have fixed name and gender issues! I have paid myself enough fables to not be used, at least this early one!

Put down suggestions for names here. Any bidding that arises from suggestions etc shall go in the Market place thread.

[The Powers That Be]

chinaren wrote: “You!” she commanded to the groveling wretch, a human male. Spots and scabs covered his face; obviously a childhood disease had left him horribly disfigured. “What is your name?”

Who shall it be?

Hmm, who should it be?
Should it be Smee?
Or better yet, Key
(and his Doctor's degree).
Perhaps even me,
The Powers that Be!
I would suggest she
who is from Tennessee
but it must be a he.
So now, as you see
You have choices - three!
Some may pay a fee
To get themselves free
From this brand new story.
Now please pardon me,
As I must go and pee.

[ethereal_fauna]

ROFLMAO I didn't know Powers was such a great poet. Suspected, but now it's confirmed. :biggrin:

[Guest]

1834

[Chinaren]

The Powers That Be wrote:
Hmm, who should it be?
Should it be Smee?
Or better yet, Key
(and his Doctor's degree).
Perhaps even me,
The Powers that Be!
I would suggest she
who is from Tennessee
but it must be a he.
So now, as you see
You have choices - three!
Some may pay a fee
To get themselves free
From this brand new story.
Now please pardon me,
As I must go and pee.

Very good TPTB!!! :D

[Smee]

It could well be,
That you use me,
But can't you see,
Over in that tree,
The Powers that Be,
Shouting "Pick me, Pick Me."


Creepy new avatar you have there. :-o


Happy Writing.

[Chinaren]

Smee wrote: It could well be,
That you use me,
But can't you see,
Over in that tree,
The Powers that Be,
Shouting "Pick me, Pick Me."

Creepy new avatar you have there. :-o


Arg! Enough of the rhyming already!! :wall:

Yes, I usually like to use 'homegrown' pics for my av', despite my total and utter lack of artistic ability. However I just downloaded a whole bucketfull of pics, and this one just screamed out to be used!

[Muaddib]

Quote: When Phang had informed Muaddib of the fate of his kingdom, the ex-king had lost all will to live. Still, Phang was no mere villain. She was the Dark Lady, and letting Muaddib live would have been too easy. Instead, she had Muaddib’s limbs removed (slowly and painfully of course) and replaced them with small wheels powered by a perpetual motion engine. Now the mutilated thing could wheel himself around by a device controlled by the nodding of his head




HAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH- lol. Loving it , loving it...

[Guest]

:D :D

Just realized, forgot to add the bit about the 'tail'. Now, where would that be inserted...mmm... :-o

[Chinaren]

That last post was me of course.

So, no names? I will pick one from the member list, starting with someone who has posted little, as this is a small part.

[The Powers That Be]

chinaren wrote: That last post was me of course.

So, no names? I will pick one from the member list, starting with someone who has posted little, as this is a small part.

No names? I threw 3 names out there.

[D-Lotus]

Poor Muaddib, that was pretty gruesome. Anyway, good story!

[Hyperion]

Phang wrote: A few technicalities...

chinaren wrote: The Villain.

Phang sat on his dark throne and caressed the obsidian skull carving under his hand. He loved his throne, it had taken 101 innocent children, tortured non-stop for three days and nights and then sacrificed to the demons to get it, but it was worth every young scream. The throne was obsidian black, and carved with images of many different evils. The back towered high above him, topped off by the grinning face of a hideous devil. Grown men had been known to fall down and weep at the very sight of it; some had even lost their sanity, a reaction that pleased Phang mightily. He chuckled to himself at the very thought, his laughter echoing around his dark throne room, causing his loyal followers (every one had been broken to Phangs will, with methods too horrible to record here) to smile and nod happy drooling smiles, pleased that their master was happy.

For the less fortunate souls held in the hall (hung, strapped and nailed on and into a variety of interesting devices) the laughter sounded like pure evil, which it probably was.

At the sound of his master’s chuckling, Mudib came closer to him. Phang reached down and patted Mudib’s head, stroking it in an absent-minded fashion.

Mudib was another of his many triumphs. Some time ago, when his campaign of evil was still young, Mudib had been a powerful king in the land of Drif. His land and armies had fought mightily against Phang’s dark forces, but had slowly been forced back and back.

Finally Mudib came forth on the battlefield and offered his life if Phang would spare his kingdom. Phang had assured him that he would do so, and Mudib had been taken into the Dark Lair. Of course, after that the Dark Lord’s forces had taken great delight in razing every city in Drif to the ground, torturing, killing and enslaving the inhabitants.

When Phang had informed Mudib of the fate of his kingdom, the ex-king had lost all will to live. Still, Phang was no mere villain. He was the Dark Lord, and letting Mudib live would have been too easy. Instead, he had Mudib’s limbs removed (slowly and painfully of course) and replaced them with small wheels powered by a perpetual motion engine. Now the mutilated thing could wheel himself around by a device controlled by the nodding of his head.

Phang had allowed Mudib to keep his other organs, though he was beginning to think that he may have to have him neutered, as the limbless creature had been rather too frisky with his favorite hound lately. It was expecting another litter of pups, and the offspring of the previous litters had been rather strange, even by Phang’s standards.

He dismissed the thought for the moment, coming back to ponder more serious problems. The Last Kingdom was still resisting all efforts at domination. He frowned as he re-read the latest campaign reports from his generals. The combined forces of Elves, Gnomes and Humans at the Pass of Cra-yon were still secure behind the great fort there. The Elvish magicians were neutralizing his own mages, whilst human wizards used their magic to attack. The gnome’s cannons were also causing devastation amongst the ground troops, forcing the bulk of his army to retreat out of range. Now they were requesting his presence on the battlefield. Impertinence! Incompetence! Imbeciles! And any other negative words beginning with ‘I’. He kicked Mudib across the room in a sudden temper causing him to land on his back and yelp in agony. One of his leg wheels flew off and rolled across the floor.

Phang was distracted by the sight of Mudib trying to right himself, and the sight of the creature sadly wheeling along after his lost limb was enough to put a smile back on his face.

He stood up in a much more positive frame of mind. Perhaps he had been away from the battlefield too long. It was all well and good torturing innocents tucked away in his castle, but perhaps it was time to go and maim, kill and rampage in the open again. Remind the common masses why they lived in fear of him again. Yes, that was it. A little fresh air and bloodletting would do him good.

He strode forward, his huge black cloak billowing behind him, despite the lack of wind. He just had to see to the latest prisoner first. He strode majestically to the holding cell, where the morning victim was chained up.

“You!” he commanded to the groveling wretch, a human male. Spots and scabs covered his face; obviously a childhood disease had left him horribly disfigured. “What is your name?”

Other than that, a great story :D

HEHE!!! I knew it! Shame about the lack of reaction, I was going to buy Chinaren's head with the money from his corpse... fitting. :p Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Egg Egg Egg Quote: Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Egg Egg Egg Quote: Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Quote: Egg Egg Egg Egg Egg Egg

[Guest]

Okay, well I have Smee, Key and the Powers that Be as nomi-names.

I was going to have the chosen person tortured horribly to death, but the people nominated are more 'high profile' than I would like to do that to. Well, at least this early on in the game as I still haven't figured out completely where this is going. <sighs>

So. Two choices split into two further choices...

Pick a name from the ones chosen and torture them to death horribly (unless they bribe me not too of course :D )

OR

Pick a name from the chosen three and do something else with them (not decided what yet, suggestions welcome (though nothing pleasant of course, we are talking about Phang here)).

Comments, or should I put up a poll? Arg. I am very indecisive today.

[Chinaren]

Oh bloody crap!! Why does it keep loggin me out???? I just logged in dammit.

Grrrr. :x

[Shady Stoat]

Anonymous wrote: Okay, well I have Smee, Key and the Powers that Be as nomi-names.

I was going to have the chosen person tortured horribly to death, but the people nominated are more 'high profile' than I would like to do that to. Well, at least this early on in the game as I still haven't figured out completely where this is going. <sighs>



Well, if it helps, I'll nominate ME. I even promise to wear the plastic nose with the fake moustache and glasses, just to confuse the whole gender issue. ;)

[Chinaren]

:D I don't think I can allow self nomination. It just seems too twisted somehow. And that's me talking!

[Muaddib]

I nominated this SG for SGOTM. In return I want Muaddib the nodding wheelie toy to have a leash.

[Shady Stoat]

chinaren wrote: :D I don't think I can allow self nomination. It just seems too twisted somehow. And that's me talking!

Twisted Stoat. Hmm. I'm not sure whether that's a cocktail or a funky new dance.

Sounds good though! :lol:

[Chinaren]

Muaddib wrote: I nominated this SG for SGOTM. In return I want Muaddib the nodding wheelie toy to have a leash.

Funny you should say that actually... :shock:

Okay, my ideas resevoir is building back up again, so I have decided what to do with the 'person'. Hence, please vote below for the person Phang should 'play with'...

(rushes to put POLL up)

[Shady Stoat]

I voted Smee. After that bridge chapter, he deserves everything he gets! :lol:

[Chinaren]

Oh bloody damnation. The third options should be

3. THE POWERS THAT BE.

Smee, would you, could you fix it please? So sorry, don't know what happened there.

[Shady Stoat]

chinaren wrote: Oh bloody damnation. The third options should be

3. THE POWERS THAT BE.

Smee, would you, could you fix it please? So sorry, don't know what happened there.

*grin* I assumed you'd left it out because you didn't allow self-nomination. In that case, you might want to take the vote back down to zero again. :D

[Chinaren]

Shady Stoat wrote:
*grin* I assumed you'd left it out because you didn't allow self-nomination. In that case, you might want to take the vote back down to zero again. :D

Curses, now I just confused. :?

Sod it, I'm going to bed, I've been up far too long today and I am not thinking straight. I will figure this out tomorrow.

[Idea master]

Yes, the great and mighty IM is ready to show up in some fashion or other.
(Lack of entrance music causes IM to look just plain silly.)
Ah...yes...
Hmm.
I pick some random sod from the slums of IF to take the place of the tourtured soul.
Failing that, go ahead and use me.
I'm actually nominating myself for a horrid place...
I can only remember one other time I did that...
*Shudders at the memory of the grass shield...*
Smee knows what I'm talking about...

[DukeReg]

Hahahahaha! :biggrin:

Nice work. I do hope the "lovable" part of "loveable oaf" will come into it somewhere...

[Ingrothechundyer]

This is funny :)

Smee for me

[Idea master]

I am actually drawing out of this so as to save my appearance for later...
I vote for Powers! Nyah nyah.

[Chinaren]

Okay, i know the poll hasn't been up long, but the discussion was and I am ready to post the next episode, so the "winner" of this poll is SMEE! Big round of applause please! :D

Okay, I need to make check something first, then I will post. If you really want to vote for KEY then you better do it quickly...

[Chinaren]

<Moved to its own thread>

- - -

WHO??? Who is the squad leader? Volunteers, bribes and nominations for this post now accepted!

Any other plot ideas or character suggestions here, or in the Marketplace thread, ‘cos I am making this up as I go along… :D

[Ingrothechundyer]

Dean