City of IF

[Crymzon]

China's given me some great ideas in using the other IF dwellers for the purposes of a story. Taking the China dude's lead I am therefore going to launch IF in a Mirror and I'm starting it with him. I will then progressively bring in other characters and see where it all goes from there. Well lets get started shall we.

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CH1 - Morning Call

"Fables. Great big piles of fables and they're all mine. Fables for breakfast lunch and dinner ... fables as fire lighters, fables for stuffing my mattress ..."

China was asleep. He always had nice dreams, but then its very difficult not to when you're the richest in all of If. He wasn't Capitalist he was just very special and maybe a bit mercenary.

This particular dream involved China strolling through an avenue lined with money trees, each and everyone of them stuffed with the fatbacks he loved so dearly. He sat himself beneath one and mused about the glories of life as a warm sun dappled his face and really loud alarms sounded everywhere ...

He shot up. Then following his usual morning ritual removed a large hammer from his bedside drawer and smashed his alarm clock into tiny little pieces. Then placing his hand back into the draw replaced it with an identical one that wasn't trying to make his ears bleed.

Yawning he climbed out of his tiny, mouldering little bed and placed his feet onto the dusty cold stone floor of his hovel. Then he stopped and did it again.

Yes the bed he was sleeping in was just about long enough if you where a vertically challenged leprachaun. He suddenly realised that his back hurt and looking down at the matress saw a very sharp looking offending spring that had been removed from his spine when he woke up. He also had a funny feeling that the mattress was moving of its own accord. There was something very very wrong with this picture.

Praying he was still dreaming he got up and looked around the room. There wasn't much to look at. Four bleak stone walls greeted him. There was a little table next to the bed with a plate of bread and cheese on it. "Cheese," seemed to be an opperative word in this case. Blue cheese is a delecasy, cheese that is so blue it is considering world domination is a serious health hazard.

"What the bloody hell is going on here! This is not funny ... this is the sort of thing people get put into the Arena as zombie fodder for ... this ... Emerald get in here!"

Emerald was going to walk in and tell him this was all a big joke and that he'd woken up on the set for one of his new shows. He didn't remember giving permission to be used in anything but maybe this was just a bit of a mix up.

A bedraggled, dirty face popped its head around the termite eaten door to the room.

"Yes dear?"

"I probably don't need to ask this question but what the hell is going on?"

"Aw honey have you been dreaming about money again? I told you not to eat cheese before bed. You know it always gives you nightmares."

She sat herself on the bed next to him and placed her hand in his, smiling she gave him a kiss.

"Now you get yourself ready or you'll be late for work."

China didn't know whether to have a siezure on not. Was this feeling pure rage or just unbelievable shock? He wasn't sure. He'd always payed other people to have feelings, they took to much time away from counting and making money.

Emerald continued as if she hadn't noticed his quickly reddening face.

"If you're late for the mine again Muaddib will kill you. We can't afford to live here as it is, you don't want to anger him or we'll be back on the streets again. Now get dressed and I'll make you a nice hot cup of tea."

She pottered off completely ignoring China's perplexed look.

Thought's ran through his mind. None of which where at all pleasant.

"I'm assuming that was my wife ... I don't have any money ..." (This was something that he simply couldn't believe.) "I'm working for Muaddib ... I'm working for Muaddib!"

With a howl of grief he ran to a near by window and looked out onto an If that hadn't been there the night before. Instead of looking down from his usual penthouse suite into a groggy awakening city he looked out onto a slum. The steets where muddy, the houses ramshakle, the sky thick with smoke.

As he peered into the nightmare before him he could hear the rhythmic thud of boots on the ground as a patrol of armed guards strutted past. They all wore thick red uniforms. What was more disconcerting was the picture of Muaddib's face mounted on the shoulder of their jackets.

This was bad ... this was more than bad ... this was strange. China didn't like strange, and even if he did it was only when he'd payed for strange. This wasn't a TV show this was real and as the though sprang back into his devasted mind this was really bad.

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What does China do next?

[LordoftheNight]

Try and find the other memebers of the Guild - see which ones of them have been changed, either for better or worse, and enlist those worse off than before help

[Crymzon]

Just so you know ... this is a mirror image of IF so almost everything is backwards. :D

[Smee]

:lol: Great start Crymmy.

Quote: This particular dream involved China strolling through an avenue lined with money trees, each and everyone of them stuffed with the fatbacks he loved so dearly.

Quote: Blue cheese is a delecasy, cheese that is so blue it is considering world domination is a serious health hazard.

A couple of particularly good lines :D

I think he should go to work like his 'wife' suggested. If he's stuck here then he doesn't want to make things worse by losing whatever income he has.

I'm sure he'll discover plenty about his new surroundings by following a 'normal' day here. Options will be discovered and hopefully he can make a better decision what to do.

Happy Writing :)

[Shady Stoat]

*grins* Nice to see another story in humour - especially one about Chinaren being in trouble ;)

I think he should go to work. He doesn't want to lose the house and the wife and still be stranded here. Put up with it until work is over and by then he'll have a better idea who he can go to for help and what he's facing.

Besides, I want to see the great Muddy and watch how he grinds his minions beneath the heel of his boot :D

[Crymzon]

Ah well its always nice to know I've made a positive start ... lets see what other comments we get shall we?

Man I can't wait to see what China makes of this LOL :D

[Solomon Birch]

No, neither can I... Morbid curiosity I suppose. ;)

Good start Crym. o-)

I think that Chinaren is not one to take the sudden and unexplainable loss of all his money and power, so I think he should go a little nuts, try and wake up (using many hilarious and painful methods to do so) and then when he realises that he can't wake up, start hatching some truly hideous plan to recover his wealth. He is and orange capitalist after all, and you know how temperamental they can be! :P

[Crymzon]

Ah tis soo very true and some great ideas there, I have a poll forming in my tiny mind as we speak.

The discussion continues an all that. :D

[LordoftheNight]

well, not everything is opposite - chinaren still wants money, McDibsky is still a communist

hang on - what will that make me? i really don't want to find out

[Smee]

*Imagines Lord of the Day skipping along with Rainbows flying from the souls of his sandals, and the fluffiest of bunnies following*

:lol:

[LordoftheNight]

Nein, nein, Ich haben est non confundico ja?

[Solomon Birch]

Smee wrote: *Imagines Lord of the Day skipping along with Rainbows flying from the souls of his sandals, and the fluffiest of bunnies following*

:lol:

ROFL!! :lol: :biggrin: That has to be in it Crymmy! That is genius! :P

[LordoftheNight]

i object

maybe i could be an angel - yeah - i could do an angel*

*by angel i do of course mean of death, or gabrial/ michael, or some cool evil fighting angel

[Chinaren]

ARG!!! Where is all my money? My precious fatbacks!! *breaks down in a heap and sobs*

That aside: Excellent chapter Crymo!! :D

Now, mmmm. I would say I would go to work at first, see what the IFing heck is going on. Once I understand the 'rules of the game', so to speak, it should just be a matter of some underhand manipulation and perhaps a little poison, and I will be back in charge of the businesses. ;)

Is Key going to be a scrawny chimney sweep then? :lol:

[LordoftheNight]

wah - don't want to be good

wahwahwahwah

and what about smee/mother goose - uncaring people with a taste for abbs and shortcuts?

[Crymzon]

It will all become apparant ... and lordy I have some crackin ideas for you ... cute and fluffy are two words that definately spring to mind. :D

Nice to see ya China lmao

[LordoftheNight]

WAHHH

I shall have my vengance - i call upon the powers of the dark lords to heed my call, I shall return - and when I do, a new unflattering storygame may appear.

Mwhahaha

come on cryms, we can talk this out like civilised, non-fluffy critters can't we?

[Crymzon]

Relax lordy ... you never know you might show up as a great big fluffy vampire hamster yet ... this is MY imagination we're dealing with remember. Anything's possible lmao

[Chinaren]

A big fluffly Lordy. hehe. Nice image! :D

[jnmrcs]

Maybe chinaren will need something to do just to be sure that this isn't a dream but after that he is going to work. After all he can make money, even more than the one he got on his dreams.

[Chinaren]

well, if Muddiab is the boss, we will probably all be working for food vouchers! ;)

[Crymzon]

Wow dude how did you guess :D

Muahahahaha

[Crymzon]

Righteo then time to get this poll up methinks ... get yerselves voting :D

[LordoftheNight]

voted, and winning

[Solomon Birch]

Voted for mental breakdown. Cos' he loves money that much, don't he! :D

[Muaddib]

Quote: Besides, I want to see the great Muddy and watch how he grinds his minions beneath the heel of his boot

Uplifting the masses my dear Stoat.In the legacy of comrade Stalin.

[Ravenwing]

Nice, Cry honey. An interesting idea you have here. I am only sorry I missed the poll. Now I eagerly anticipiate this next chapter. :cool:

[Crymzon]

Next chapter it is then :D

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CH2 - Downward Spiral.

China's shoulders slumped. He realised he wasn't going to figure out what exactly this mess was until he figured exactly where he was. That meant going to work.

Work was a strange notion to China. It wasn't so much something you did but something you talked about and made for other people. He suspected that working in a mine was a particularly massacistic form of toil. Mine was something you used to describe what you owned not somewhere you got sweaty and dirty.

He looked down at the nightgown he was wearing. It was a particularly religious garment. Infact he wasn't sure whether he'd ever seen anything quite this holy in all of his years. He then turned his gaze to the rickety piece of craftwrok mascarading as his wardrobe.

"I'd better do as the wife tells me then."

He shuddered. He never wanted to get married. That sort of thing meant sharing money. Sharing was only to be done between bank accounts and wallets. When he thought more seriously about being married to Emerald he decided that going to work was the least of his problems and made his way to get dressed.

Opening the wardrobe very carefully so it didn't turn to dust in his fingers Chna surveyed his collection of clothes. It was quite obvious that drab was in this year. Appart from all of the garments being various different shades of brown they where a dream for any self respecting static. All of the shirts held the same insignia of Muaddib on the shoulder.

"I don't even like the guy why do I have to go to work wearing him?"

Groaning China got dressed in the most fashionable pair of brown cotton pants and the trendiest brown cotton shirt in there. He then pulled on his "must have" brown cotton socks (emptying the small collony of beetles out first,) and finished with the "wow look at me" brown fabric boots which tried their damn hardest to walk off before he could catch them.

He walked into the hovel's living area to find the promised cup of tea. Emerald smiled handing him a metal mug of thick brown liquid. Shrugging he took a mouthfull and headed for the door. He didn't get very far realising that said mouthfull had solidified in his throat. Gulping heavily he looked back at his spouse with a look of horror on his face.

"Are you trying to kill me? What the IFin' hell was that? It tasted like mud!"

"Yes dear? What did you expect it to taste like? I stewed it just the way you like it ... and I took all of the solid bits out so you didn't have to chew."

China thought about questioning the point then realised that it was far too early to have to put up with any more depression. He managed to force an idiotic, "as if I was expecting anything else," smile, and still struggling with the block of "tea," in his throat left the hovel.

He trudged along narrow, filthy streets lost in his own morbid thoughts. He was still having some trouble with the idea that this was actually reality. He passed houses even more ramshackle than his own. He saw dirty faced children playing in the mud on the ground. He saw everything he pretended didn't exist in his own peaceful fable lined little world. He stopped.

"Hmm ... maybe I should have actually asked Emerald where the mine was."

Scratching his lice infested head he looked around for someone slightly less downtrodded than himself from which to get directions.

"Shops. They're always full of people that know too much about other peoples business I'll try and find some of those."

Luckily enough he was only yards from the nearest market square. Well it would have been a square at some point until the elements had their way with it. Now it was shaped more like something from a surrealist's nightmare. Right infront of him was a stall. Splashed in big red letters accross the top of which was:

"VOTE ALEGRIA FOR HEAD OF THE COMMUNIST WORKERS WOMEN'S UNION."

China didn't like this sort of advertising. It didn't make any money and only served to annoy the consumer. Normally he would have just walked straight past but as he knew Alegria this was simply impossible.

Standing behind the stall was not so much the effigy of a very ugly woman but more the figure of a rather good looking man dressed as a woman. The thing that gave this away most easily was the obvious stubble coating "her" face.

China did his absolute best to avoid a smirk spreading across his face as he prepared to ask the pretty lady for directions. She wasn't going to give him any kind of a chance to ask anything. Instead collaring him and speaking in a very high pitched, forced, and obviously fake voice.

"Good morning comrade. I hope you will be voting for me in the coming elections."

China was trying so hard not to laugh he was having serious problems forming his words.

"Erm well ..."

"I will be leading the women into IF's new golden age under the great muadibb."

"Well actually I was just ..."

"We women will have more say than ever before!"

The pitch of Alegria's voice was making pressure build in China's mind. A mind so frought with worry that it was about to pick up it's napsack and leave home. "She" went on.

"We women will no longer be underpaid and under nurtured, depressed by the male or the capitalist we shall take the great Muaddib's lead and we shall rule!"

He couldn't bare it anymore. His mouth spoke before his exhausted brain had any chance to stop it.

"There is nothing great about Muaddib!"

As the words left his mouth he saw the shock on Alegria's five o' clock shadowed muzzle and heard a clicking sound from behind him. Then a heavy hand grabbed his shoulder.

He was roughly spun round to find himself facing six rather unimpressed looking guards. All of which where aiming rifles at his head ...

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What does China do now?

[Shady Stoat]

Great chapter :D

He continues:

"Great is an unworthy word to use on such a magnificent leader as the mighty Muaddib. Comrades, let us all lead a cheer for his esteemed highness - the Muaddib the Chosen!"

After all, he may be down on his luck, but he isn't stupid ;)

[Crymzon]

No China definately isn't stupid, I'm sure he'll get out of this at least mostly alive lol. :D

[LordoftheNight]

How come Areax is still a horse then? Surely he should be - I don't know - something else?

[Crymzon]

Bugger, I got my characters confused and I thought I'd changed it all the way through ... not Areax ... Alegria lol

[LordoftheNight]

ah, that makes more sense - i was wondering where my brother suddenly appeared from

[Chinaren]

Hehe. My first thoughts were along the lines of Stoats..

"There's nothing great about Muaddib! Fantastic! Wonderful! Amazing! Great is too small a word for our grea...er, fantastic leader!"


Another wonderful chapter! :D

[Crymzon]

Glad ya like mate ... thought for some reason I'm getting the strangest feeling that Alegria's going to kill me ... ;)

[Idea master]

I must say I am enjoying this. Mainly because it puts China in such an uncomfortable situation.
And I can't wait to see what you make of me.
...
Wait...
On second thought, I can wait. I can wait a loooooooong time.

[Crymzon]

Oh don't worry mate I have my ideas you won't be left out :D

[Muaddib]

Nice, loving it, loving it...

However, I think you oughta know, Alegria's a guy. Or is it that his gender's changed because of the mirror thing?

Poor Chinaren, he will have to pay for not understanding the Golden Path. Tsk...Tsk...

[Chinaren]

Arg! It's the overlord! Run! Run for your lives! :-o

[jnmrcs]

Nice chapter.

I think he need to do something like shady and china had said.