City of IF

[The Powers That Be]

As I made my way back to the factory, I worked to collect my scattered thoughts. I knew I wasn’t going to have anything to do with those deranged llama-things, the Hamentashen. But why would I work with the Rugelachs? After all, they did abduct me first, and they didn’t seem a whole lot more sane than their rivals. What possible reason did I have for cooperating with them?

Nine million dollars.

I tried to push the persistent thought out of my head. Had I actually seen any money? No! What if we were to ramp production up, produce the cement, and then nobody was there to receive it? Could Rudy and Trudy be playing some bizarre alien practical joke on me? Maybe I’d turn up on some twisted reality show, “Totally Human Video”, with the whole galaxy having a good guffaw at my expense.

Mmm, Trudy.

Yes, yes, Trudy certainly seemed…nice. But really, what did I know about her? Let’s see, she was married with children and in her true form she was a huge Twinkie monster. Yeah, that relationship was bound to go somewhere. This whole thing was crazy – I should just throw away that PO, get extraordinarily drunk, and forget any of this nonsense had ever happened.

And go out of business.

And there it was. As soon as I remembered the alternative, I knew I wouldn’t give this up. Maybe it was a hoax, maybe the whole thing would come crashing down around me and I’d end up in a straitjacket for the rest of my life, but the alternative was slow, inexorable decline and the loss of something I’d spent my entire adult life building. By God, I wasn’t going to go down that way without a fight!

I was at the factory door now. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and reached out, now filled with a firm resolve, to push open the door.

Left index tentacle.

Huh? I looked down at my left hand, still pressed against the door, and gave out a yelp. Sure enough, there it was. The second finger was gone, replaced by something that looked just like a Hamentashen tentacle. It was about the same size around as the finger, but about 9 inches long, deep-fried golden brown in color and texture, and it wiggled around in a boneless, wormy way. Most disturbingly, it seemed to be only partially under my control: if I thought hard about it, I could make it hold still, but otherwise, it wandered around and poked and stroked my hand and the door like a dog on a walk that sniffs at everything within the radius of its leash.

I stared at my hand and let out a loud moan. How could I possibly explain this?

“Mr. Brill? Is that you?” I looked up and saw Joe, the security guard, walking down the hall toward me. I whipped my hand around behind my back as quickly as I could. I realized this was a mistake just as the heavy door slammed hard into my face, knocking me off my feet.

Joe ran over, asking “Sir, are you all right?” With my normal hand, I waved off his attempts to help me up. It was hard to stand while keeping one arm hidden and I must have looked pretty foolish, because Joe said, “Sir, I think you shouldn’t try to move for a while, I can call an ambulance.”

“No! I’m fine!” I snapped. I could feel the flush of embarrassment in my face. I finally made it up, stuck my left hand in my pocket and half-walked, half-ran down the hall to my office. “Thanks anyway, Joe!” I called back to the guard, standing bewildered, still holding the door open. I stepped inside and slammed the office door behind me.

“What do I do now?” I moaned as I stared at my wriggly new extremity. How did I not notice this when I was looking myself over on the hilltop? I obviously needed to do a full inspection. Had any of my toes changed, or – “Aaaack!” I yelled as a horrible thought struck me.

“What do I do now?” I asked myself again while zipping up my fly a few minutes later, fully satisfied now that nothing really tragic had happened. Ok, I’d decided that for better or for worse, I was throwing in my lot with Rudy and Trudy. So I needed to get the factory up to full production on the BrillCo 9000 cement right away. Easy enough: I fired up my computer and scheduled an urgent staff meeting, starting in 15 minutes.

While I was typing, my eyes fell on my strange deformity again. I couldn’t go on like this very long. There was nobody I could show it to, nobody I could tell…except the Rugelachs. Maybe they had some hi-tech gizmo that would fix my finger. Plus, I needed to tell them about the Hamentashen and their nefarious plot, anyway. But how to contact them? I mulled this one over for a while until I remembered the purchase order. There had to be contact information on there. I felt myself starting to relax. Everything was falling into place now. We’d get the factory going, Rudy and Trudy would know what to do about Clazpho and my finger, and everything was going to work out just fine.

So it was that I – well, I didn’t quite have a song in my heart, but I was feeling pretty good when I retrieved the PO from the safe and entered the conference room, where my full staff was already assembled and asking each other what was happening. In truth, they were pretty worried – our financial situation wasn’t really a secret, and several of them were wondering if the axe was about to fall.

I switched the PO to my right hand, stuffed my left in my pocket, and got right down to business. “Everyone, I’m happy to say that we’ve secured a new order. It’s something I’ve been working on in secret for a while now, and it just may save us. The customer wants nine million dollars worth of BrillCo 9000 in 30 days.”

Silence. I broke into a wide grin as I surveyed the shocked expressions on my managers’ faces. “You heard me right,” I said. “I’ve got the PO right here. And we don’t have much time to lose, so I need you to get the factory ramped up to full capacity immediately.” I handed the PO with a flourish to Bill Fogerty, head of sales (hey, he may have been terrible at running an operation, but a better salesman never lived – plus, ex-felons make cheap employees).

The questions started slowly, then came faster and faster as everyone gathered round and studied the PO.

“You worked on this ‘in secret’? You’re not up to something illegal, are you Frank?”
“Frank, I’ve never heard of this Earth, Incorporated outfit. Google isn’t coming up with anything either. Where are they based?”
“You accepted a 9 million dollar order without getting partial payment up front? This isn’t some kind of money laundering scheme, is it?”
“Their phone number has 26 digits and what looks like a peace sign in the middle. Is this a joke?”
“Do I have this right? The contact is someone named McMahmoudski? Is this some kind of a joke?”
“Look at this shipping address: ‘Cedar Rd., out in front of O’Malley’s parking lot.’ This is a joke, right?”
“Frank, why do you smell like…have you been drinking?” (Damn you, Chuck and your boozy bear-hug).

Twenty minutes later, with my staff still busy screaming at each other (but mostly at me, truth be told), I realized that this might not be quite as simple as I’d envisioned. I banged my right fist on the table a couple times and shouted “People! People! Calm down! Listen to me!” It took a few minutes for everyone to give up complaining and pay attention, but eventually wonderful silence prevailed in the room. “Look, I know this is pretty irregular, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. The customer is real. I’ve met him myself. Anything unusual on the PO, we’ll just contact the customer and get it straightened—“ My smile froze as something sunk in. I turned to the head of finance, Pippy Popopoulos. “I’m sorry, Pippy, what did you say about the phone number?”

I could tell Pippy was pretty mad, because her lower lip and upper eyelids were doing the strange little coordinated dance they always do when she thinks my ideas are going to land her in prison. She grabbed the PO out of Bill’s hand and thrust it under my nose. Sure enough, what was listed as the telephone number was a long string of numbers mixed in with bizarre symbols that aren’t found on any keyboard I’ve ever seen (although I’m pretty sure I saw Prince’s adopted name on there, which started me wondering, not for the first time, about his planet of origin).

Oh God, I thought. I can’t contact Rudy and Trudy. What am I gonna do now? Surprisingly, the first thing I needed to do came to me almost immediately. But I needed to get out of this room first. I forced myself to chuckle and push the PO back to Pippy, whose lip and eyelid had graduated from waltzing and were now doing either the Charleston or the Lindy, I couldn’t remember which was which. “People, people, all right, so there are some issues we need to hammer out. Again, I’m going to ask you just to trust me. Get the factory ramped up, we don’t have any time to lose. Give me a couple days to sort everything out to your satisfaction. Worst-case, we blow some overtime and forget the whole thing, ok? Just please trust me.” I delivered this last line with all the sincerity I could muster. “Now, I have to go take care of something. Thank you all.” I walked out of the conference room and shut the door behind me.

Inside the room, there was a long moment of silence as my staff considered my words. Then all at once, as if someone rang a bell at a boxing match, they started screaming at each other again. I sighed, walked back to my office, pulled open my lower right desk drawer, and got down to business.

Three glasses of Scotch later, I felt a little better and started thinking about what to do next. I desperately needed to get in touch with the Rugelachs, but how? Go back out to O’Malley’s, where they picked me up before, and wave my arms around like an idiot? Hire one of those airplanes to fly around with a banner saying, “Rugelachs please call?”

Deep in thought, I didn’t notice the scraping sound on my desk the first couple times. After the third occurrence, I looked over just in time to see my pile of business cards burst into flame. Apparently my rogue finger, unbeknownst to me, had been rooting around in my desk drawer until it found something interesting to play with – a matchbook. “Dammit!” I yelled, pulled off my shoe, and stamped out the little paper fire. I grabbed my letter opener (the sharpest thing I had on my desk), pressed it up against my alien appendage, and screamed, “Bad finger! I should just cut you off right now! I do not need this!” In a weird way, the tentacle seemed to understand, because it dropped the matches, started shaking and cringing, and wrapped itself around my wrist, reminding me of nothing so much as a dog being punished for pooping on the carpet.

Suddenly, an idea came to me, fully formed. Now in retrospect, considering how good an idea this seemed at the time, I think it’s likely that I had a lot more of the Scotch than the three glasses I remember. Or maybe it was stress and alcohol in combination that wreaked havoc on my thought processes. But whatever the reason for it, my brilliant plan amounted to this: I was going to set my factory on fire.

Ok, it wasn’t really quite that terrible an idea (close, though). The way I figured it, Rudy and Trudy were pretty desperate to get this order of cement filled. They must be watching the factory somehow from up there in space, or at least listening to local news reports. If they thought something bad was happening, something that would jeopardize their future business, they’d simply have to contact me to find out what was going on. That’s where the fire came in.

I’d done this a few times as a chemistry student in college. Mix the right chemicals, wait for a bit, and voila! big billowing clouds of smoke. Fire alarms go off, exams get postponed, the fire department comes with the local news crews right behind (simply pulling the fire alarm doesn’t attract their attention, but lots of smoke pouring out of a window does). We explain it away as a lab mixup and no actual damage gets done, but I figured it ought to be enough to attract the attention of my alien benefactors.

I looked at my watch. Lunchtime: perfect, I should be alone in the lab. I went down the hall to the stairs (past the conference room, where the undiminished noise told me my staff was still “discussing” the PO) and made my way up to the chem lab, which was thankfully empty. I wasted no time pulling the items I needed off the shelves and mixing them up in a big beaker. I placed the beaker directly under the smoke sensor and cracked open the window for dramatic effect. Then I ran out and back down to my office to wait for the alarm.

I sat there, giggling like a schoolboy at my little stunt, watching the clock. I figured it would take about ten minutes for the reaction to take hold. It was coming up on four when my cell phone rang. I answered it automatically. “BrillCo Rubber, Frank Brill speaking.”

“Hello Frank, it’s Trudy.” I dropped the phone in shock, then scrambled around to pick it up again. “Frank? Are you there?”

“Um, uh, yeah, sorry about that, Trudy, hi!”

“Listen, Frank, I realized this morning that that…husband of mine,” said Trudy, infusing the word ‘husband’ with all the venom she could muster, “was fiddling with our printer and the PO we gave you got completely screwed up – the phone number, in particular. I wanted to give you the right number so you can get in touch with us if you need anything.”

“Oh, great, yeah, that would be good,” I said. I was completely flustered and I looked around frantically at the clock. Six minutes. Maybe there’s still time. I ran back down the hall. “We noticed the phone number problem, my staff got a good chuckle out of it.” As I passed the conference room, I heard something heavy slam into the wall inside, followed by still more screaming.

“So is everything all right, Frank? You sound a little funny,” said Trudy.

I ran up the stairs three at a time. “Do I? Huh, no, everything here is just fine, no prob-” At that moment, the fire alarm went off.

I stopped running and let out a long groan of despair, a groan that was rendered completely inaudible by the sound of the fire alarm reverberating in the stairwell. There’s that great Brill luck again, I thought. Well, there was nothing to be done but evacuate and deal with the consequences. I remembered Trudy on the line and started running again, this time to the nearest exit. As soon as I was outside and could hear again, I got back on the phone and yelled, “Hello?! Trudy! Are you still there?”

“Frank! What was that awful sound? It sounded just like one of the Snargle-birds on my home planet – they make calls like that right before they defecate on your head,” answered Trudy. “But I didn’t think you had birds like that here on Earth.”

“No, no, it was just the fire alarm going off.” I could hear different sirens now – the fire department was on its way. Employees were streaming out of the factory, pointing at the window to the chem lab. Sure enough, an impressively huge cloud of blue-black smoke was billowing out, darkening the sky above us.

“Fire alarm!” shouted Trudy. “Frank, is something wrong at your factory?”

“No, Trudy, it’s nothing. Believe me when I say that I know there’s nothing wrong here.”

“Frank, I’m looking down on your factory right now, and it sure looks like smoke is coming out of it. Please tell me what’s going on.”

“Trudy, I’m telling you, it’s fine. The factory’s fine.” I looked up and saw both the Fire Chief and Bill Fogerty bearing down on me. It was hard to decide which looked more angry. “Listen Trudy, there’s something I really need to talk to you about, but I can’t do it right now. Can we meet? Soon?”

“Uh, sure Frank. I could be at your house in, say, a couple hours. What’s going on?”

“Can’t talk now. Stay on the line though, I’m going to give you to somebody else here – please help him get the right information. And Trudy – you need to convince him you’re a legitimate business.”

I switched the phone from my left hand to my right (I had to yank pretty hard to get the tentacle out of my ear, where it had buried itself pretty deep when I wasn’t paying attention). I intercepted Bill, who was marching toward me and waving the infamous PO, and pressed the phone into his hand. “Bill, this is Trudy McMahmoudski, of Earth, Incorporated. She can answer all your questions.” Before Bill could say a word, I turned to the Fire Chief and said, “Hi Chief. So what’s happening?”

For well over an hour, I was stuck answering questions about our chem lab, about certain very similar fire alarms that happened at the University several years earlier, and about appropriate levels of daytime alcohol consumption for presidents of manufacturing facilities. It was all very unpleasant, but finally it was agreed that there were no real grounds to arrest me as long as BrillCo paid for the expense of mobilizing the THFD and agreed to do an internal investigation and identify the perpetrator of the hoax. As soon as the mess was cleared up, I ran to Bill’s office.

“Are we ok now, Bill?”

Bill had a look on his face I’d never seen before, a sort of dreamy expression. “Yeah, Frank, yeah. Everything’s all right. That Ms. McMahmoudski is very…pleasant. Everything seems to be in order. I’ve already made sure the whole team is behind this. We’ll be cranking out cement like nobody’s business. Hey, sorry about all that stuff before in the conference room. We should’ve trusted you, Frank.”

“No problem, Bill. It was a pretty big thing to dump on you all at once, especially when the paperwork wasn’t in order. Thanks for getting everyone moving. Listen, I have some business to attend to at home, so I need to take off early today. Will you let everyone know?”

“Yeah, no problem, Frank. Hey, what are you going to do about that fire alarm prank? If you ask me, I think it was probably Aleno. I don’t think he takes this job seriously.”

“You think Chuck’s responsible? Oh, Bill, I don’t know about that. But I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks again!” I headed back to my office, grabbed my briefcase, and made for my car. It had been about 2 hours since my phone call with Trudy, and I was anxious to get home for our meeting. I was getting tired of keeping my hand hidden, especially since my tentacle seemed to have found the hole in my pocket.

There was no evidence, looking from the driveway, that anyone had been to my house yet. I let myself in, planning to sit, try to relax, and rehearse what I would say to Trudy when she showed up. I closed the door behind me, turned and started toward the living room when my foot hit something. Whatever it was clattered loudly across the tile floor of the entry and banged into the far wall. I froze and looked around, but didn’t see anyone. I peered across at the object, which was now rolling back toward me slowly, and I recognized it immediately. It was an 8 ounce can of BrillCo cement. Bemused, I picked it up and noticed that it was quite empty.

“Frank?” The voice came from down the hall, in the direction of my bedroom. “Frank, is that you?” It was definitely Trudy’s voice, but it had a strange, mellow quality to it.

“Um, yeah, I’m here. Is that you, Trudy?” I called.

She giggled. “Of course it’s me, silly. Come on, I’m in here. You said you needed to talk?” The way she said the word ‘talk’ made me a little nervous, but I found myself getting a bit excited too. The tentacle must have felt something as well, because it was pointing toward her voice, almost pulling me along.

I jammed my hand back in my pocket and headed down the hall. As I passed by the bathroom, I noticed another empty can of rubber cement abandoned on the carpet. What was it Trudy had said about the Rugelach’s use for the stuff? All I remembered was something about “mixing it in their queeq-na,” whatever the heck that was supposed to mean.

I got to the bedroom door and looked inside. Sure enough, there was Trudy, looking even more ravishing than I’d remembered. She was lying on my bed, wearing an astonishing dress that was cut down to here and slit up to there. She must have kicked off her shoes because they were lying across the room by my dresser. Her right hand was draped sensuously across the pillow, and her left was dipped into yet another can of rubber cement, her fingers languidly tracing figure-eight patterns in the gooey liquid.

“There you are, Frank,” she purred. “Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

Hmm, that was a good question. I would have answered her, except for two problems. I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to be telling her. And it was hard to talk at all with my mouth gaping open the way it was. Fortunately, my substantial self-control kicked in and I was able to stall, saying “Uuhhhhh, oooooaaaaahhhhmmmm…”

“Oh Frank!” Trudy interrupted me in mid-moan. She jumped off the bed and flung her arms around me. “I’m so bored on this planet. Let’s just go away, you and me, together, and get out of this place!”

This time I had no trouble thinking of the obvious question, and I was even able to ask it. “Huh?”

She held me tighter, and I could feel her breasts pressed against me, trying to force their way out of her dress. “It seemed so exciting, being a prospector – ‘we’ll explore the galaxy,’ he said, and I was swept up in the romance of it all. Then we got here, and we’ve been here for years, stuck in that ship almost all the time. No adventure, no excitement. I’m tired of it. I want to see the galaxy! I want to fly by Altair and see the Sukero Space Harvest. I want to go to Tau Ceti Betty’s and eat her Sweaty Spaghetti. I want to do it all, Frank! Come with me! Just the two of us. We’ll take the emergency module, it’ll get us to a ship-shop. We’ll fill it with rubber cement – that’ll be all the money we’ll ever need. Let’s do it, Frank!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I would have pinched myself, but Trudy was biting my ear hard enough that I knew I was awake. “But…but what about Rudy? And the kids?”

“Oh, they don’t need me. Rudy’s an idiot, but he really is a good father. They’re going to be just fine, especially with the rubber cement deal. But oh, Frank,” and here she backed away and looked up at me with entreating eyes, “Rudy’s not what I need. I need a real man. A man like you, Frank.”

Trudy stepped back to the bed, lowered herself onto it, and stretched out onto her back. She looked up at me and said, “Take me, Frank. Take me now!”

[Smee]

Woo Abduction is back :P

Great to see - and I'll be back with a comment soon.


Happy Writing :D

[Chinaren]

Ah! and now I can comment!

Er, forgotten what I was going to say. I said it in another thread though.
:D

[Shady Stoat]

The Powers That Be wrote: Maybe I’d turn up on some twisted reality show, “Totally Human Video”, with the whole galaxy having a good guffaw at my expense.

:rofl: I love that line! Just one of many that had me giggling to myself as I read through.

Onto the decision point though. I'm so so tempted to let Frank have his fun with Trudi. Damn this sensible nature!

Reasons for: Umm... he really, really wants to?

Reasons against. You don't sleep with drunk chicks. It always leads to trouble later on. This may not be exactly what's happened to Trudi, but she's definitely been on the rubber-cement, which I've got to think equates to glue-sniffing ;)

Another reason: He seems to care about his employees and his life's work up to this point. If he leaves, can the rubber-cement factory stay in operation? Can they churn out enough product to fill the purchase order, without him running the show? If not, the Hamentashens win and the world would come under the not-so-benign influence of the llama-heads.

Plus, Trudi'll probably throw him over as soon as she has the shipload of rubber-cement to herself. You're not telling me she's had to come to a backwater planet like Earth to find herself 'a real man'. She only wants you for what's in your 8oz cans, mate! Steer well clear! :shock:

[Key]

Definitely he shouldn't run away with her, at least not right now, for lots of reasons:
If he runs away, the factory might not be able to produce the cement, and then the Hamentashens would enslave the Earth.
Trudy is likely to get bored of him pretty quickly once she's sober and he can't get her any more cement.
It's a dangerous galaxy out there from what we've seen so far, and being in a emergency escape pod loaded with the most valuable substance in the galaxy is not likely to make it less so.
He's should stay close to the secret formula for his rubber cement.
So definitely he should stay on Earth.

He could boink her, though.

[Stubby]

Just checking that I didn't misread the chapter - it was your teNtacles that you wanted Rudy to rip off you wasn't it?

Seriously though, you'd be a FOOL to run away with her in the emergency pod - she'll have drunk (snorted? injected? bathed in?) your entire little supply of rubber cement by the time the pod made it to another planet.

What you need is a plan for how to get Rudy and the kids down onto the Earth with the emergency pod, so you can fill the whole damn ship up with the stuff and the two of you make a run for WEALTH!!!! MUAH HA HA HA HA...

[The Powers That Be]

Thanks for the comments so far. I think Key's got it right - there are two decisions facing Frank.

First, how's he going to react to Trudy's run-away-together proposal? Already some good discussion on this one.

Second (and this decision may or may not be related to the first one), what's he going to do right now? Take a stand, people! :P

[D-Lotus]

As to what he's going to do right now, I say, don't. How do we now Trudy won't revert to her original twinky form in the middle of their 'boinking' (we don't even know how they do that in her home world)?

As for what to do later, he should not run away for afore mentioned reasons. However, after he gets rid of the tentacle (if he can), he should try to raise the price for the cement...I mean, 9 million for the most wanted substance in the galaxy? I believe someone is getting taken advantage of. If he asks for a bit more (say a few billion), he could cease hunger in the world :D !

[DukeReg]

What he should do right now is remember that she is a twinky monster, allow the mortal danger he is in come crashing back, take his tentacle out of his pocket, tell her about what happened, and get her to make everything better in a non-sexual manner.

Later it should occur to him that he cares about his factory and workers, and he should refuse in a more permanent fashion.

[LordoftheNight]

Woo, here I am. I won't fill your ears telling you about how good the story is, mainly because I told you on chat, but - Woo.

No, right now he should sleep with her, because she's hot and she wants it. Then I think Stubby had the best plan, fill the entire ship with rubber cement, and leave the children behind. Force her to sign some form of contract first though - seeing how they're so fond of them - which gives him complete control of the cement.

[Key]

lordofthenight wrote: Force her to sign some form of contract first though - seeing how they're so fond of them - which gives him complete control of the cement.
I doubt she'd sign that, since she could be half-owner of it all with her husband if she wanted to. But I have to agree with the sleeping with her part - it's not the smartest or safest thing to do, but given what he's been through, I don't think he's in any shape to resist.

[D-Lotus]

That's thinking with your second head! :-)

Well, I guess its a conflicting emotion. What wins out, sexual gratification, or common sense (and maybe fear of the unknown)?

[Argonaut]

HAHA, no matter how alluring that suit she's in looks, he's just got to keep thinking "twinky monster, twinky monster, twinky monster" and concentrate on the real problems of the tentacle and the Hamentashen.

Now a "run away with me" proposal from a drunk alien girl? Even in Frank's distressed state that should be a huge, Will Smith style "aww hell no!" :lol:

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Quote: Trudy stepped back to the bed, lowered herself onto it, and stretched out onto her back. She looked up at me and said, “Take me, Frank. Take me now!”

LOL! :lol:

As others have pointed out, why would an alien ragelach want to sleep with a human? Might be a funny read, though.... :D

Anyways, I've been waiting for this story to continue you a while now, since i was reading it when it was in the completed storygames section, which was weird as it was incomplete....

Boink? Is that an alien word? If it is, then Key may be an alien! :x

[The Powers That Be]

Thanks again for the comments so far. I'll put the poll up on Saturday, but I'd love to have some more feedback before then!

[Araex]

Great to see a great story back!

No running away, but sleeping with the alien could get interesting. Especially when he takes out his hand and she reacts to the fintacle.

[Smee]

*grins* Great chapter - and it was no chore re-reading the previous 4 again to remind me. So many funnies littering the place :D

I'm F5ing Argonaut though - Whip out the tentacle (the finger one, you baad people) and concentrate on more pressing concerns. Certainly don't even consider going for the running away proposal either.

I look forward to the next chapter,

Happy Writing :)

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Smee wrote: Whip out the tentacle (the finger one, you baad people)

LOL! :lol: Tentacle....lol....

Sleeping with her would be intresting, but dont accept the running away proposal.

He should get his tentacle fixed b4 he stuffs his one into Trudy. :D

[Shady Stoat]

Seeing as I never really took a stand on the 'boink' issue, I guess now is as good a time as any.

I've thought long and har... thought quite extensively about this - and I think I have to go with Key's analysis.

It's the dumb thing to do, but he's tired and scared and tempted.

Besides, if he doesn't, he'll always have regrets. When he gets to a grand old age (presuming he actually gets past the next few days), we don't want him looking back and wondering what it would have been like with a 200lb Twinkie.

I know I couldn't live with that thought running through my head! :shock:

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Hehehe....hahah! :lol:

you guys crack me up!

BOINK HER!

~holds breath~ :shock:

[The Powers That Be]

All right, thanks everyone for the comments. Poll's up!

[Shady Stoat]

I was tempted by option 4. I mean, c'mon! But, given the way this story began, I have a feeling that such ploys will turn out to be futile in the end. So I went with option 2 instead :D

(loved the poll options, Powers!) :lol:

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Voted and winning...YAY! :D

The poll options cracked me up.... especially........all of them. :lol:

[LordoftheNight]

Well, I did go for that lovely fourth option - mainly because it was cool.

[The Meaning Of Fear]

I was rather tempted by that one, too. But in the end i went for option number 2. :D

[Chinaren]

Ummed and errred between option 2 and the last one. Finally plumped for the last one because...well I just did.

[DukeReg]

I voted 3rd option. I don't see how he can get past her being a twinky monster, even if she is in a woman suit. And surely he would see that she is acting strangely.

[DeadManWalking]

ya know, i think this is going to be a landslide.

there goes my silent observer role.

[Argonaut]

Arg! c'mon Frank think "Twinky monster" that just aint right!

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Awww, you guys have no sense of humor!

[The Powers That Be]

All right, boinking it is! Thanks to all who voted - the poll is now closed. Look for Chapter 6 sometime this century.

Sigh, now I have to read up on this for inspiration.

[The Meaning Of Fear]

LOL! Very... inspirational. :lol:

[The Powers That Be]

Ok, Chapter Six is up, so I'm locking this topic.