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Avarice chapter 13 - Black Devils.
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Chinaren



Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8876
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:19 am    Post subject: Avarice chapter 13 - Black Devils.  

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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:07 am    Post subject:  

This destroyer almost looks ready to go. He needs to buy some time.

He needs to sabotage the Destroyer. But how?

He has the little power cubes, and if they are the same kind of stuff as the blue stones, he may be able to use them. Pity the necromancer hadn't taught him any of his skills!

In order to sabotage, he needs to get closer and find out more.
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Mephistopheles



Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 612
Location: Not where I want to be.

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:13 am    Post subject:  

is draggon a he or a she? you refer to her as both several times.

otherwise, nicely done, china! very interesting twist by having Smur meet the past draggon, and ensuring that he would meet her past self by sending her to the same place that he was heading. wait, this could get confusing.

as for what he should do? well, he has come this far, right? and he came to learn what power the black devils have, so, investigate. start on the outskirts, maybe find a loner to attack and subdue. That seems the approach that i would take. Perhaps he will get lucky and find a smaller devil to capture and torture to get info out of?
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algu95



Joined: 04 Mar 2007
Posts: 265
Location: Trudging around in Allwhere

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:12 am    Post subject:  

I agree with Mestiopheles. Get a small devil that is out all alone! Torture! PAIN! Destruction! Information...
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Cyberworm



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:03 am    Post subject:  

A good chappy as always Cren.

And F5 Messy. That's the only logical course of action. Only a fool would enter an unknown territory. Either he would get some written information from one of their houses (witch would take more time) or he could get someone to tell him about the village and everything he wants to know. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. What matters is the info.

And... hehe... he COULD abuse his prisoner if she's a woman... just a bit... :grin:

I'm not evil or sick, I have a perfectly sane explanation. It just seems human for him to have needs, and he MUST have needs indeed. It doesn't have to be perverted or sexually explicit, just add a little more human to him. A little more temptation to him, a stronger desire if you wish.

:tempt:
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D-Lotus



Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:43 pm    Post subject:  

Quote: Starting from the point Smur was standing, a trail had been worn into the grass, so that the black mud below showed the way

Was standing in, was standing at?

Well, it was an entertaining read once more, but I agree with Cyberworm. Smur is starting to lose his edge- he's not as vicious or disgusting anymore. If at least he had some other new developing character traits... China, I would advise working on characterization.

As for the DP, I agree with Crunchy. If the blue cubes can power up the power cube he used in the tower against his tribesmen, then he could use the invisibility thing to enter the Devil Town unnoticed.
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Crowkiller



Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 17

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:06 pm    Post subject:  

Amazing! I think that a more developed sense of his new surroundings and most probably the use of the blue power cubes( maybe he finds a new artifact/weapon/misc item) I also think that he has to do something nasty to bring his uglyness back into perspective. Great work cant wait for more.
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Chinaren



Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8876
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 11:20 pm    Post subject:  

Welcome to IF and Avarice CK! Glad you like the story so far.

The last few chapters Smur has been with Alice, so he's restrained the horribleness a little. Of course, some of the suggestions so far offer a possibility of the 'old' Smur creeping back out. :-D

You're a nasty lot you are. ;)
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OldJoe



Joined: 23 Oct 2005
Posts: 125
Location: On mah steed.

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 11:51 pm    Post subject:  

I don't reckon Smur's going ter take them on by his lonesome. Git back ter the other side oh the portal and some help.
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:23 pm    Post subject:  

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D-Lotus
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Joined: 21 Oct 2004
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Location: Hollywood, USA

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:52 pm    Post subject:  

Quote: He wouldn’t have left his daughter in anyone else’s care at this point.

I agree! I couldn't believe my eyes! :shock:
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Chinaren
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Joined: 05 Sep 2005
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Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:14 pm    Post subject:  

D-Lotus wrote: Quote: He wouldn’t have left his daughter in anyone else’s care at this point.

I agree! I couldn't believe my eyes! :shock:

Well, the poll spoke, so I had to go with the results. It was fairly close though. Perhaps we can bear this in mind when thinking about this DP, and the urge he has to return to Alice.
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Smee
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Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 4:23 am    Post subject:  

Well from Chapter 1... my last comment... to Chapter 13 is quite a catch up. But I did remember enjoying Chapter 1, so it had to be done.

Besides, I have to get re-involved with atleast one of Chinny's madnesses and I'm still enjoying my stroll through the Fantasy Forest. :)

~

Much has happened, and pretty much in true Chinaren style. I've enjoyed it. I'm incredibly unkeen on a direct confrontation with these creatures, even if they are human. Their fireballs may require power from the blue stones, but clearly they have plenty of them, otherwise they wouldn't be so free expending them on local wildlife. A whole village of fire-ball wielding crazies isn't something to get too involved with.

Attempting to power up his invisibility cube is a very good idea. Regardless, investigate very carefully.

~

One nagging little thing that poked me during my 12 chapter marathon. It's the number of shots fired that hit 'squarely in the chest' ... it's very close to being a disturbingly over used cliche Mr. Ren ;) What's wrong with a few good hearty headshots? :D

~

Happy Writing :)
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Chinaren
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 10:21 pm    Post subject:  

Glad you made it Smee! Good to see you in the story once more.

Quote: One nagging little thing that poked me during my 12 chapter marathon. It's the number of shots fired that hit 'squarely in the chest' ... it's very close to being a disturbingly over used cliche Mr. Ren What's wrong with a few good hearty headshots?

Ha. The advantage of reading it all sequentially no doubt. I will keep that phrase in mind (or put it out of mind maybe), should there be any more firefights. Which is quite likely I'm sure.

Good suggestion BTW!

Any more? Poll will go up very soon.
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Chinaren
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:21 pm    Post subject:  

Okay then, poll is up!

Torture the victim of voting.
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Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 12:56 pm    Post subject:  

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Chinaren
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Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 5:00 pm    Post subject:  

Zephyr wrote: I’d vote but… Where’s my option?

Oh rats! I was in a bit of a rush when I put the poll up, must have missed it or something. Sorry Z.

I've added Z's option everyone. If you wish to change your vote, please let me know.

[Edit] Poo. I also missed off Old Joe's option too. Should I reset the vote or is everyone who has currently voted (Crunchyfrog, Cyberworm, Mephistopheles, Smee) okay with their current choice?

Sorry everyone!
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Mephistopheles
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Joined: 24 May 2007
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Location: Not where I want to be.

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 5:17 pm    Post subject:  

my vote is good as it stands.
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CunningFox
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Joined: 27 Oct 2005
Posts: 210

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 6:00 pm    Post subject:  

Much as Im tempted to go for the interigate option, I like Smees idea, so voted for that.
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Chinaren
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Joined: 05 Sep 2005
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Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 5:55 am    Post subject:  

If you would like to vote on this one, get them in quick. I'm going to be pondering the next chapter soon.
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