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Chapter Six
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Shillelagh



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 11:52 pm    Post subject: Chapter Six  

Tempora Crepusculi - Chapter Six

“Actually, Sylecia, I’d really like to talk to my friend Tony. Is that possible?’

“I’m…sorry? Who did you say?”

“Well, my friend, Tony. Considering how much he knows about the Crep, he’s got to be a half-fey. I mean, he hasn’t actually told me that, but if humans are as rare as you say, then he must be some sort of fey, right?”

“But my dear, Tony isn’t here. He can’t be here. If he is a half-fey, and I bet that you’re right in your guess, then he’s in fey form right now. Being half-fey isn’t like having traces of fey in your blood, dear. Fey is not a race, it’s an entirely different category altogether. It means that you live two lives; one as a human, and one as a fey. Whoever Tony is, he’s literally not himself right now. Oh, he has the same memories and everything, he’s mentally the same. But he’s physically someone else, and he goes by a different name here in the Grove. It’s for his protection. His magic peers need to be able to refer to him with a name that won’t give major clues about his identity to the mundane- or worse, to the demons. Tony could be anyone.”

“Well…that was straightforward. Sylecia, why couldn’t he explain it that way? Every time I mentioned the subject, it seemed like Tony dodged the question.”

“Well, there are oaths about this sort of thing,” she said with a shrug, “but I’ve never been one for keeping secrets. That, and they only apply to any reality outside of the Grove. I’ve never been particularly worried about breaking them,” she said, laughing. “Now come along, come along,” she said, waving her arms. “The Council will have my bark if they don’t see you before End-day.”

Sylecia guided Isaac through the various hallways and corridors; clearly, the tree was as massive and expansive as a hospital. Numerous identical rooms branched off of each hallway, and Isaac could make out structures like guest lobbies, waiting rooms, and nurse’s stations. “Sylecia, are you the only one attached to this tree?”

“Well, yes,” she replied, blushing. “It was quite an honor to be chosen as the Grove’s hospital, I assure you. Though I don’t work alone, if that’s what you’re asking. My assistants are mostly dryads, though we end up with a few naiads and elves and the like.

“Oh, look there,” she said, pointing into one of the waiting rooms. “That’s your rescue party, the fast response division of the… well, of what you would consider policemen. I’d introduce you, but we probably don’t have the time. Perhaps tomorrow you can pay your respects, hmm?”

Isaac had remembered his rescue party as being four people, two to a horse. Looking into the room, he realized his mistake. There hadn’t been any horses at all. Two of the men had been centaurs. “I thought centaurs were notorious for their immaturity and their raucous parties.” he observed.

“Don’t let them hear you say that,” replied Sylecia, laughing. “You mustn’t believe everything the Greeks said. I can’t begin to tell you how many racial stereotypes the minotaurs have to overcome. That said, I will admit that each of the fey races have certain stereotypes attached to them. But that’s not to say they can’t be overcome. Look at Chiron, after all. I’m not sure that training Heracles is something to be proud of, but at least he taught all of those other heroes, hmm?”

“Is Greek Mythology real, then?” asked Isaac.

“We’re not sure,” she replied with a shrug. “Certainly the creatures are all there, though we’ve never found any definitive proof to suggest that the people really existed. Anyway, here’s the exit. Hang a sharp left- Itori is probably still loitering under your window.”

“Oh, ok, I… wait, what?”

“He’s under your window,” repeated Sylecia, pointing in that general direction. “Do you find that weird? It’s not just that I’m attached to the tree- I am the tree. I have a sort of spatial sense of where everything is, both in and around me. It’s not as though he were doing anything wrong. Anyway, he’s agreed to take you to the Council for me.”

“That’ll be just great,” muttered Isaac, glaring at Itori as he crossed the lawn.

-----------------------------------

“So, umm, that’s the library,” said Itori, walking alongside Isaac. Isaac had yet to say anything; nevertheless, Itori was playing the role of the helpful tour guide. “Most of the important books are bound with wood from the tree so that Sciatis, she’s the library’s hamadryad, can serve as a sort of master indexing system. If you’ve got a question, she’s got an answer,” he said, looking over at Isaac with a smile. Isaac didn’t even return the gaze.

“Alright, we’re here,” said Itori, with a sigh. “Just walk through these doors- I’m sure someone will be waiting for you. Hang on, I’m not done yet,” he said, shoving Isaac in the shoulder. “You’re obviously blaming me for all this. And I’m sorry, for whatever that means to you. The guilt is bad enough, without you being ticked at me. Once you’re a half-fey, if they make you a half-fey… the oath will be null, and I can talk straight to you. I’m Tony, Isaac. Metos was using you and Alex to get back at me. And I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you can trust me… but, I hope that, after tomorrow, you will.”

Isaac watched as Itori walked away. There were no traces of scorn on his face, but Isaac had nothing to say.

----------------------------------
“Well, I think that it’s safe to say we’ve never had a situation like this,” joked a figure on the end. The Council consisted of seven cloaked figures, seated in a half-circle around a chair where Isaac was sitting. He was allowed to hear their discussion, but he was not able to speak until asked. He had delivered his half of the story; all he could do now was wait.

“And that’s why I say ‘no’,” remarked a voice which Isaac recognized from the hospital. “Repeated visits to the Pandaemonium area? Willful disobedience and a blatant disregard for safety. Such a reckless mortal will create nothing but trouble.”

“It was neither willing nor reckless,” observed another. “He didn’t know. Itori was unable to properly inform him of the dangers of the situation. Allow him the chance, but keep Itori at his side.”

“Absolutely not,” said a third. “I agree we should give him a chance, but he shouldn’t be anywhere near Itori. Give him awhile to adjust before throwing him to Metos and the lycanthrope problem. You all are forgetting how little he knows. Boy, do you understand what you observed tonight, in the Crepusculum?”

“No,” said Isaac, a chill running down his spine as he suddenly remembered the sight of all those dead bodies. “Everyone fell over dead, and then they hunted me, and I…”

“Yes, yes, we heard you the first time,” interrupted the hospital voice, impatiently. “She’s got a point. Let’s give him a simple job, like Crep Patrol Duty, until he learns the ropes.”

“You speak with bias,” spoke the central figure, “but your point is true. Isaac shall be granted a fey blessing, provided he proves worthy. During this initial period, you will serve under one of the hamadryads to serve as an education of the supernatural. You are forbidden from seeing Itori or Jaikneb. If you encounter Metos, or any other demon or lycanthrope, you are to run toward the nearest authority figure. Is that understood?

“Then which office do you wish to serve?”
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 7:40 am    Post subject:  

Haha! First new chapter in your new spotlight forum. Congrats! :D

Some interesting details you've included into this other world. I'm at a loss for an answer, on the DP though. I don't understand what 'office' means. Is this the library versus the police versus the hospital? If it was a choice between those three I'd go for the police.

:)
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Shillelagh



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 8:45 am    Post subject:  

Hee, thanks. Took me long enough, eh? Silly May, with it's 'end of term finals' and all that.

Yes, the four offices that you know of are Library, Hospital, Rescue Patrol and Crep Patrol. I'm also open to anything different, if some has a reasonable suggestion. He couldn't be, say, a fast food worker... but if you have your heart set on a career, I would tell you whether or not it's possible.

It's a bit of a bum DP, but it's really not one that can be skipped over. That, and I couldn't decide what I wanted him to do- I'm making you guys decide for me.
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D-Lotus



Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA

Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 1:42 pm    Post subject:  

At this point in the story I would have liked to see some detail concerning surroundings/people. A new description of Itori, which would include some detail or clue which Isaac had previously missed, would have been informative. Likewise, the scene with the council was a bit dry. This is a moment for Isaac to get his bearings and discover things about the new world which he must forcibly inhabit. The detail of the books being bound with the tree's bark was the kind of thing I'd like to see more of in the upcoming chapters.

The DP is not the best because I don't know too much about the different jobs. That being said, I think Isaac may choose the Rescue Patrol because that is the one he is most familiar with and perhaps he feels he owes them something for saving his life.
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Shillelagh



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 7:53 pm    Post subject:  

You bring up some good points- some of them will be addressed later, though some of them are really too broad to appear in only one chapter. However, I'm going to disagree on one point.

D-Lotus wrote: The DP is not the best because I don't know too much about the different jobs.

I don't see this as being nearly as bad of a thing as you apparently do. No, you don't know much about the jobs. And, yes, normally this is a bad thing- it's a case of the author knowing but not sharing information about the work. But consider this- Isaac doesn't really know anything about the jobs, either. Your choice is just as informed as his- that is to say, not much at all.
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Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 11:13 am    Post subject:  

Ok, I caught up to this newly featured SG. I haven't been gone all that long but to see such a nice new tree in our story grove certainly caught my attention upon my return.

So, you've done well to keep plugging despite some of the strong criticisms you've received. To add to them, my main complaint with this tale is one I often have with fantasy stories. You are assuming we all understand exactly what each of these creatures are. Mind you, I am following that, but what I'm saying is that you're relying on our own stereotypical assumptions about descriptions to fill gaps that I'd rather you took some time to fill yourself. For example, you call a creature a werewolf, or an elf and assume our minds will fill in the rest of the details simply from that label, whereas I would have liked to have read through a description that assumes we have no idea what you mean by 'werewolf' or 'elf'.

That said, the premise is the golden heart of the story. It is an interesting one and even perhaps a bit believable. I've had experiences that helped me to relate immediately to your most brilliant opening paragraph. Yes, sometimes an experience is only able to be recalled once you are re-experiencing something similar. And the concept of a supernatural existence living and interacting right under the noses of those who live in normal time and space is, while not entirely unique, delivered in an entirely new way here.

Keep doing what you're doing and plugging along. I've found my own abilities as an author growing and expanding every year I've been taking part on IF. When I look back at the first chapters I wrote here I can see how far I've come. This is a great group that definately will guide you to become the best you can be. Take heed of what feedback they give for they usually hand it out from the pockets of their own experiences. And none of us have been above receiving some serious criticisms from time to time.

Anyhow, overall, I'm following this tale but I will say that some of what must have been planned to be surprises, such as Tony being the elf, were not so surprising to me. That said, I'm enchanted by the environment so I shall be continuing to read along.

As for the DP, I agree that some of the options could have been better explained to him before he was given the charge to decide on one. Without this, I'm feeling rather apathetic to the outcome and shall base my vote on what other votes have made likely.
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Shillelagh



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 2:48 pm    Post subject:  

That's... actually a very interesting point. I'm so used to working with the stereo-typed fantasy labels that it doesn't occur to me to describe them further. I will try and be more mindful of the details-this part especially should have some good opportunities.

I'm glad the premise is strong; really, that's all I'm after here. The setting idea is about the only concept I'm certain about at any given point in time. Honestly, I didn't anticipate Tony / Itori being much of a surprise. I'd be curious to know which point you guessed the truth... but it was supposed to be fairly obvious. My anticipation involved Tony having a chance to spill the truth in the second chapter. But the DPs shifted away, and he never got a chance to tell Isaac.
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Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 9:15 pm    Post subject:  

I could tell. And I wondered if some of the other IFians here who have been around for some time had actually voted in another direction just to challenge you as a writer. They've done it to me before ;) (Well... its been openly suggested to do so but its never been done to me... so far as I was ever told :lol: )

Chapter 1... as soon as Tony was found missing during every occurence, you could tell you were going to make him the 'supernatural' side protagonist. When the elf showed up it was only too assumable. I might have suggested to have Tony be one of the villains to spice things up, the demon itself perhaps, trying to beckon him to join them as one of them, forcing him to choose to abandon a friendship if he wished to join the 'good' guys.

Still... there's something to be said for your foreshadowing in all this, and the clarity with which you write. Obviously both were strong enough for me to catch on to your subtle hints.
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 10:10 pm    Post subject:  

Actually Tony was a bit of a surprise to me, but that was because earlier on I had formulated a theory that Itori was actually Isaac.
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Smee



Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 11:16 pm    Post subject:  

Despite it being over 1200 words long, this chapter seemed short to me. Especially the scene revealing Tony as Itori.

Isaac had already had Sylecia explain to him that Tony wasn't being deliberately evasive, and we started the chapter wanting to speak to him. Yet on finding out Itori is Tony we just walk away? No look of surprise, nothing to say... I think I'm missing the reason why.

TB's point about understanding what the varies creatures are is a good one too. Whilst I'm fine with werewolves, and elves.. my Greek mythology is very limited, I'm only vaguely aware of what dryads are, and have no idea how they differ from a hamadryad. So I'm just going with the flow for now.

Decision point :

It doesn't sound like we're going to get our 'fey blessing' (and therefore any 'powers') until we've proven ourselves. Without any powers I'd be reluctant to go anywhere near the bad guys. Especially as we already have a reputation with the council as a trouble maker and front lines just sounds like a place to find more trouble.

I say back to the hospital. Sylecia has already proven friendly, knowledgeable, open to questions and frank with answers. Plus, as various different races come in for treatment, it'll afford us good opportunity to learn more of them. It could be, if we pass the test with the council, they'll give us a choice of half fey to become, the more varieties we learn about the better the choice.

Happy Writing :)
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Tikanni Corazon



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Posts: 1286
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 3:12 pm    Post subject:  

I actually think the library would be the best choice. As Isaac has already been informed by Itori, if he needs answers, that is the place to get them.

It might also be an ideal place to introduce a little more info on the different creatures that he has come into contact with, as a couple of people have suggested they might like to know more about them.

Enjoyed the chapter Shille! Look foward to the next one! ;)
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Shillelagh



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 11:58 pm    Post subject:  

Poll's up, such as it is.
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 7:15 am    Post subject:  

New chapter soon? :)
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Shillelagh



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:10 pm    Post subject:  

Mea Culpa. Yes, the next chapter should (had better be) up within a few days. I've been trying to figure out the next bit... I've got an 'ending'esque section in mind, but I need a lot of middle before I should really get there.
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