City of IF

[Angeal PureHeart]

Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss.
If you're my love, please answer this:
Are we lovers, or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot.
So tell me now, and tell me true.
So I can say, "I'm here for you."

Of all the people I've ever met,
You're the one I wont forget.
And if I die before you do,
I'll go the Heaven and wait for you.

If you're not there by Judgement Day,
I'll know you went the other way.
I'll give the Angels back their wings,
and risk the loss of everything.
Just to prove my love is true,
I'll go to Hell to be with you.

[HalfEmptyHero]

While it is a yucky romantic poem :-o I still like it :D

[Thunderbird]

Wow... very nice rhythym and meter and the rhyming was spot on. Furthermore, it makes such a nicely powerful statement - quite the little valentine message!

[D-Lotus]

The last stanza was very cute. Keep it going, would love to see more of your poems! :cool:

[Angeal PureHeart]

Thank you all for your kinda words. This was my first ever powm and unless I get serious inspiration like I did for this one due to my... Other half. I will not write more..... Sorry T^T :sad:

[Angeal PureHeart]

**
I think that I might fly away, in my hot air balloon,
And hide from worldly worries on the dark side of the moon;
There’s but one thing I need before I float into the blue:
I need a sky companion and I want it to be you.

We’ll fly beyond the storm clouds and we’ll watch from up above,
I’ll cover you in rainbows as we feel each others’ love;
You’ll shower in the stars at midnight in our special place,
I’ll dry you with a comet’s tail and kiss your beaming face.

Dreamy drifting panorama, changing every day,
Every night your loving smile will be my milky way,
The moon will wane before us, sailing there in heaven’s height,
For nothing else can challenge our love’s everlasting light.

Venus shining on us, glowing soft at our devotion,
Our daily drifting dalliance in love’s celestial ocean,
I’ll write you lovers’ poetry, and you will be my muse,
Orion and Andromeda will oversee our cruise.

We’ll sleep with clouds as pillows, maybe steal an angel’s wings,
Then fly as magic lovebirds, or slide round Saturn’s rings,
And should we tire of drifting and the stars all floating by,
We’ll hook onto a meteor and soar across the sky.

Will you consent to be my mate on our celestial ship?
I’m ready, heart all packed with love, to last us for the trip,
Take my hand and step aboard, we’re heading for the sun,
We’re flying till we find the place where our two souls are one.
**

One of my newst ones

[D-Lotus]

Big step up from your last poem. You weaved a common thread throughout and exploited all the imagery of constellations to the utmost. I'm impressed. The rhyme was fitting, too, and didn't seem forced at all. Good metaphor. This poem is perfect for lovers! o-)

[Angeal PureHeart]

**
You're my man, my mighty king,
And I'm the jewel in your crown,
You're the sun so hot and bright,
I'm your light-rays shining down,

You're the sky so vast and blue,
And I'm the white clouds in your chest,
I'm a river clean and pure,
Who in your ocean finds his rest,

You're the mountain huge and high,
I'm the valley green and wide,
You're the body firm and strong,
And I'm a rib bone on your side,

You're an eagle flying high,
I'm your feathers light and brown,
You're my man, my king of kings,
And I'm the jewel in your crown.
**

Not my best one... Just kind of came to me a couple nights ago... >.< Hope it is ok...

[misterbiz]

very well done...particularly nice rhyme scheme...even though i'm not the biggest fan of anything romantic (due to my horrendous track record when it comes to relationships)...this was pretty good, nontheless

[Angeal PureHeart]

I thank everyone for their relectant yet kind words! I never thought of myself as a good write but I can see that people enjoy my writing! Here's another one of my poems! I will post a new peom every time I see that someone or someones has posted!

**
I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.
**

That one was kinda short but it speaks big words. So here is another one.

**
Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body, mind, and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.
**

What do you guys think? Constructive Critisism is welcome!

[Thunderbird]

Can't offer any criticism. They were delived wonderfully as is! (at least the last few - haven't caught up to all of them yet.)

It's amazing me how much interest in poetry lurks among the city. Had never really suspected this volume of response to these expressions. Nice to see!

[Angeal PureHeart]

Well thanks! I like poems that rhyme and I try to get them to work well enough. The hard thing to know is if other people will like it or not. I don't want to write bad poems and put them up. So if there is anything that you guys think I should change let me know!

**
Love me in the Springtime, when all is green and new,
Love me in the Summer, when the sky is oh so blue,
Love me in the Autumn, when the leaves are turning brown,
Love me in the Winter, when the snow is falling down.

Love me when I'm happy, and even when I'm sad,
Love me when I'm good, or when I'm oh so bad,
Love me when I'm pretty, or if my face is plain,
Love me when I'm feeling good, or when I'm feeling pain.

Love me always darlin', in the rain or shining sun,
Love me always darlin', after all is said and done,
Love me always darlin', until all our life is through,
Love me always darlin', for I'll be lovin' you!
**

[Angeal PureHeart]

I had been struck bu a very sudden sadness...

**
She was drinking at a party
On a raging New Year's Eve
She had to be home early
She knew she had to leave

"Honey do you need a ride"
Her boyfriend sweetly said
She just smiled back at him
And quickly shook her head

"I've got to leave right now
So I'll just take my car...
But don't you worry, sweetheart
Cause I won't drive too far"

Unaware she'd been drinking,
He watched her drive away
She knew that this was wrong
But she did it anyway

"I only had a couple drinks
I know that I'll survive"
She kept saying in her head
As she went for this short drive

The alcohol took over her
She wasn't thinking straight
She assumed that there was no one
Who'd be driving out this late

She ran all of the stop lights
As she sped along the road
Never thinking of the pain
This night would soon behold

But out of nowhere, came a car
She screamed as headlights flashed
She flew out of the windshield
As both of their cars crashed

She woke up laying on the ground
Sirens screaming in the night
She was bleeding quite a bit
But she knew she'd be alright

With dread, she saw the other car
That had rolled down the hill
She knew this was her fault
As she started feeling ill

But when she saw the body
Tears started falling down
As she looked down to find
Her dead boyfriend on the ground
**

[D-Lotus]

I can assure you that you have a gift for rhythm and rhyme.

Quote: I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

This poem skillfully uses repetition to set a rhythm and then blows us away with the final verse, which breaks the pattern and thus surprises us pleasantly.

Then there's this poem:

Quote: She was drinking at a party
On a raging New Year's Eve
She had to be home early
She knew she had to leave

Quite a different tone throughout. Sad ending. But don't just narrate the story, make is come alive-- weave foreboding imagery and foreshadowing thoughts throughout. Like here:

Quote: Never thinking of the pain
This night would soon behold

The ending is a bit surprising-- which is the point-- but maybe for the wrong reasons. I'm still wondering how the boyfriend could have crashed with her if he left after her and was heading in the same direction.

Also, important, title your poems! Makes it easier to keep track and it captures the essence of the poem.

[Angeal PureHeart]

Sorry!!! >.< I don't really know what to name them.... I am open to suggestions ^_^

**
Pledge of Love
I've made a vow, to no one but you
I pledge my love to forever be true
I'll take care of you and treat you right
I'll lay beside you all through the night
I'll feed you and clothe you and keep you warm
I'll hug you and kiss you and give shelter in the storm
I'll help you and guide you and clear a path
I'll protect you and shield you from an angry man's wrath
I'll listen to your problems help you solve them too
I'll make you a rainbow and let the sun shine through
I'll take your side even if you're wrong
Just to prove our love is strong
I'll plant you flowers and make them grow
They'll be a symbol of love that only we'll know
I'll whisper your name when no one is near
So low that only you can hear
You'll feel my love even if we're apart
You'll know that we are one in heart
**

Another kinda short one so here is another...

**
Unlicensed Love
On a summer's day long, long ago
I fell in love and I'll never know
Just what it was that made me feel
So drawn to his, what's the appeal
That set my pulses so to race
When e'er I gazed upon that face
Of one who was scarce but a child
Yet even then could drive me wild
I'll never know the how's and why's
I lost my heart to Hazel Eyes
But when I got that long sought kisster
I knew I'd found my Perfect Mister
My elfin boy from down the lane
And I'll never let her go again

For how could I describe our love?
Romantic love, all hearts and flowers
No way to count the days and hours
Spent in self-indulgent wishes
And thoughts of long awaited kisses
Of sweet embraces, tender sighs
And gazing into love filled eyes
Oh yes, it is that kind of love

Or, is it yet the love of passion
The ecstasy that knows no ration
That shuddering nerve-tingling feeling
The climax with your senses reeling
The wondrous joy when you discover
That sweet surrender to your lover
Oh yes, it's that kind of love too.

Or even yet a love that grows
One that cares and one that knows
That sees beyond the outer skin
Into the person deep within
That loves the spirit and the soul
The inner self that makes the whole
Built on trust and empathy
A love you know was meant to be

The love we share is all these things
A love that has no need of rings
A love you never need to doubt
A love I cannot live without
A love to last us all our days
A love I'll share with you always
**

I know, I know. I used a made up word (Kisster) Get over it! I put in the titles for this one so no crabbing D! What do you guys think?

[PopeAlessandrosXVIII]

No complaints here. I'm just glad you found somthing to be pasionate about here on IF! And you said you're not good at writting! *Evil grin*

[Tikanni Corazon]

I love that last one! It's very sweet and heartfelt. :) Very well done!

[Thunderbird]

Nice attention to both rhyme and meter, and at the same time weaving in some great emotional expression and dynamic descriptions. Great! (They also brought clearly to mind the experiences I have had feeling similar things throughout life - and would for any who read it I think.)

[Angeal PureHeart]

Thank you all so much for your awsome comments. I notice that no one is giving any critisism. I KNOW that my poetry is not that great so let even the mean comments out please? I am currently working on a few new poems so as soon as I get them done I will post! Love you all!

[D-Lotus]

Ok, let's work on rhythm.

Quote: I've made a vow, to no one but you
I pledge my love to forever be true
I'll take care of you and treat you right
I'll lay beside you all through the night

I've made a vow, to no one but you

ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-ba-BUM

(iamb)-(iamb)-(iamb)-(anapest) Bravo!

I pledge my love to forever be true

ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-ba-BUM-ba-BUM

(iamb)-(iamb)-(anapest)-(iamb) You switched the iamb and the anapest around, deviating from your original rhythm.

I'll take care of you and treat you right

ba-ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM

(anapest)-(iamb)-(iamb)-(iamb) Again, the pattern has the right elements, but mixed around

I'll lay beside you all through the night

ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-ba-BUM

(iamb)-(iamb)-(iamb)-(anapest) Bravo! You're back to your initial scheme.

Just work on the middle two lines.

[Angeal PureHeart]

Ok! The newst ones are finished! I took into consideration what you said D and I think I got it with this one!

**
My Eyes

All I ever wanted was to be part of your heart,
And for us to be together, to never be apart.

No one else in the world can even compare,
You're perfect and so is this love that we share.

We have so much more than I ever thought we would,
I love you more than I ever thought I could.

I promise to give you all I have to give,
I'll do anything for you as long as I live.

In your eyes I see our present, our future and past,
By the way you look at me I know we will last.

I hope that one day you'll come to realize,
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.
**

I know that one is short so here be another!

**
Into Space

I lie on the ground,
and stare into space,
the stars start to move,
to the shape of your face.

I see you there now,
looking down at me,
with that cute little smile,
that I love to see.

You say "close your eyes",
"tell me what you see",
I see only two people,
just you and me.

We're walking the shoreline,
with our feet getting wet,
the horizon turns pink,
as the sun starts to set.

We make love through the night,
on that white sandy shore,
then I hold you while thinking,
I could want nothing more.

Oh I wish I could be,
in that one special place,
as I lie on the ground,
and I stare into space...
**

I know.... It's corny but oh well. I try.

[HalfEmptyHero]

I read some of them, I "liked" them, so to speak. They were well written, I am simply not keen on the subject matter so I really have to muscle through them. Not your fault, I was simply born without a soul. Just wanted to let you know that I "like" them, and I hope you don't take that as an insult. If you ever were to write about something other than love, I would be able to write a more useful comment.

[D-Lotus]

Quote: I lie on the ground,
and stare into space,
the stars start to move,
to the shape of your face.

What an imaginative image! I enjoyed that, thanks. :)

[Angeal PureHeart]

Sorry... Have not been in the mood to post a new poem though. I have alot done! Go me!

**
My Love for You

Sometimes at night,
when I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you,
and then ask myself, why?
Why do I love you?
I think and smile,
because I know the list
could run on for miles.
The whisper of your voice,
the warmth of your touch,
the many little things
that make me love you so much.
The way you support me,
and help with my emotions,
the way that you care,
and show such devotion.
The way that your kiss,
fills me with desire,
and how you hold me
with the warmth of a blazing fire.
The way your eyes shine
when you look at me,
lost with you forever
is where I want to be.
The way that I feel
when you're by my side,
a sense of completion
and overflowing pride.
The dreams that I dream,
that all involve you,
the possibilities I see
and the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle
that lies inside my heart,
how that deep in my soul,
you are the most important part.
I could go on for days,
telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know
is my love for you is real.
**

What do you guys think? Btw. I am thinking about writing more.... Depressing poems. How do you guys feel I would do? Let me know!

[Thunderbird]

I groaned when I read the title, moaned thinking it might hurt a little - but you quickly proved me wrong - and I grew impressed as I went along.

Really well done! A better love poem I couldn't have written! (one little niggle would be to split up those stanzas - would make it a bit more inviting to read at least)

[Angeal PureHeart]

Well.... My best girl was really depressed so I wrote this for her to make her laugh...

**
Dark Girl
Dark girl so filled with strife
Dark girl she'll take your life
Dark girl stay for a while
Dark girl she makes me smile
Dark girl she shows no fear
Dark girl is always near
Dark girl wont see her cry
Dark girl just wants to die

But Dark girl lives in the dark
so you dont see her painfull mark

Dark girl may never know
just how much the light can show
**
Really short sorry... :/ Not good with darker things like this... Not in my nature I guess...[/b]

[D-Lotus]

Dont overuse repetition, it gets a bit annoying. You rely on it too much for this last poem. The rest lacks substance.

The last two lines form a strong finish.

Keep it up and keep trying. :)

[Thunderbird]

That repetition works for a song perhaps.

[Angeal PureHeart]

Yeah that's why I stick to things about a tpoic I feel easily... Love and relative happiness XD So without further ado. Something good!

**
Table Set for Two

Candles flicker softly,
on a table set for two.
There's no one on the earth tonight,
except for me and you.

A nice romantic dinner,
and a bottle of chilled wine.
And we are here together,
in a moment stopped in time.

A love so few have ever known,
and this is its birth night.
Alone within our little world,
you and I and candlelight.

So soon we will set free the feelings,
that we want to share.
And I am held here spellbound,
by your laughter in the air.

Thoughts of love like falling leaves,
Swirling in the autumn breeze.
Flow in our minds and in our eyes,
A tender look and longing sighs.

We touch and as the fire starts,
That we have kindled in our hearts.
We kiss and hear the angels sing,
As heavens gift to me you bring.

No more to live my life alone,
And in your soul I found my home.
At peace within your loving arms,
Captivated by your charms.

And happily I'd die for you,
Here at this table set for two.
**

What do you guys think? I even incorperated a bit of death at the end :D

[Thunderbird]

Very good! You're creating a compilation one could sell to men who have less skill with words yet wish to express themselves, that's for sure!

Quote: and this is its birth night.
Alone within our little world,

This is the only place where I felt a little rework could help the rhyming structure. Alone should have somehow ended the above line I thought...

[Angeal PureHeart]

Ok so the last poem kinda sucked... Sorry about that. I deleted it from my harddrive. So. Here be a couple good ones... Or what I hope are good ones.

**
Reasons
The sparkle in your eye,
The warmth of your skin.
Your breath on my neck,
That quivers within.

The touch of your hand,
The smell of your hair.
The kindness in your smile,
That strength in your stare.

Your kiss on my lips,
Your body near mine.
The stroke of your touch,
That feeling inside.

The sound of your voice,
Compassion in your embrace.
The serenity in your stride,
The power in your face.

The calming of your presence,
The beating of your heart.
The promise of tomorrow,
That we may never part.

The beauty of your kiss,
and that magic in your touch.
It is for all these reasons,
That I love you so much.

My Vow

When you are sad, I will dry your tears
When you are scared, I will comfort your fears
When you need love, my heart I will share
When you are sick, for you I will care

You will feel my love when we are apart
Knowing that nothing will change my heart
When you are worried, I will give you hope
When you are confused, I will help you cope

When you are lost, and can’t see the light
My love will be a beacon, shining ever so bright
This is my vow, one that I pledge till the end
For you above all are my wife and best friend

These words I have written, speak of my love for you
From my lips these words spoken, shall always ring true
You have blessed me, and with your hand in mine
Both of our hearts, will forever intertwine
**

Well? I know... They don't make best sellers but I suppose I try.... Right?

[Thunderbird]

um... not sure how that last one could be called bad by any stretch of the imagination.

The first of these two recent posts sounded like a song to me. It was wonderfully paced.

The second, equally as skilled, actually had an emotional impact. I may have to quote that one over to a special someone someday...

And yeah, I think overall, your compilation of expressions is more than Hallmark worthy!

[D-Lotus]

I was impressed with your rhythmic qualities and simple, delightful rhymes. But now it is getting trite. You need to move on, be more daring, use other techniques. At least, if you want to ascend to another level of expression.

Take your time with a poem. If you do, you may come up with ideas that are more refined and imaginative.

I can't repeat this enough: use metaphor.

The unnamed poem about the hot air balloon was excellent because it had an idea behind it, a metaphor about love=flight. It was more than just the usual sing-song warm fuzziness of love.

Consider exploring other aspects of love. It has bittersweet characteristics; it has a dark side.

[Angeal PureHeart]

Well... I was going to make you guys wait until another person posted BUT not many people post so I guess I can be nice to you all. I tried to stray from the beaten path and due some other genres of poems and to me it just does not come out right. So... Yeah....

**
As Long As You Are Near
The first time we met, I could see,
That you and I, were meant to be.
Your eyes were so gentle, your smile so true,
When you first held my hand, I just knew.

Now the time has gone by, through laughter and tears,
These days I shall cherish, for years upon years.
Those memories we have, shall never fade,
For those are the steps, that we have made.

That was the past, the future is near,
I anxiously wait, for what will appear.
New homes, more laughter, and children so dear,
Everything will be wonderful, as long as you're near.
**

Yeah.... Little short so here is the next one!

**
Motionless
If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here,
So you’d always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I’m meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me.

A bond so strong, a hold so tight,
To know you’re the one; my ‘Mr. Right’.
A blessing sent from up above,
In you I’ve found my one true love.

Our lives entwined to be as one,
Upon this journey we’ve just begun.
Where you and I will find no less,
Than eternal love and happiness.
**

There you go! Hope you guys enjoys todays insta'lment!

[D-Lotus]

I'm going to say the same thing as before: the rhythm and rhyme are excellent, but the poems lack creativity. Sometimes I get the feeling I'm reading the same lines over and over again; there's nothing unique about it. That's how I felt about "As long as you are near" (thanks for titling the poems, btw).

"Motionless", on the other hand, delivered more promise. The idea of stopped time had symbolic value which immediately caught my attention. It was unique. Unfortunately, although there was an attempt to deliver on the title, it wasn't strong enough. You returned to your old habit of finding easy rhymes rather than stick to the motif of freezing time.

I encourage you to rewrite "Motionless"-- out of the two, it has the most promise. Explore the symbolic value of a moment stretched out to infinity (which is actually very difficult to express).

[Angeal PureHeart]

This is NOT a rewrite of "Motionless" this is just one of the ones I was talking about that I did not think was good but I thought it might fit with what D-Lotus said.

**
Time Stopping
Time is ticking away
So fast, too fast
Time is running by even as I stand still
Time stops as I think of him
I'm a waiting his arrival
He should be here by now
My heart is hurt, As I cry, blood escapes from my eyes
My heart breaks in two
Then finally he shows
I cry more as I reveal a knife that I hid in my sleeve
He begins to cry
'Stop' is all he could manage
I take the knife and cut myself open
and rip out one half of my heart
Blood spills from my mouth as I say 'I give you half my heart and I die for you. That's how much I love you....'
I begin to colapse but he catches me and as I bled out I whisper, 'Goodbye.'
**

What do you think? If that does not fit I will rewrite "Motionless" as you said D<3

[D-Lotus]

Wow. Well, I encourage you to rewrite "Motionless" regardless. Motionless speaks of stagnant movement, an inability to act, whereas "Time Stopping" is solely about time. There's a difference between motion and time.

But anyways, what you just did was totally unexpected. It was neo-noir and so so graphic. It surprised me and I even enjoyed it.

Quote: amd rip out aone half of my heart

First of all, make sure its clean.

Second of all, I think its a bit maudlin. Would anyone really kill himself because a loved one showed up late for a meeting? It's a bit bizarre. I like the emotion behind it-- a spirit of self-sacrifice in the name of love... but the way this story played out was a bit absurd.

Still, it was great to see you explore your own limits. That's what poetry is all about.

[Angeal PureHeart]

Ok well... Tis been a long while since I last posted something. I like waiting until atlease two people post until I post again but it seems that my poetry is non important to others. So! Here is my LASTEST work! Hope you enjoy. It is quite far from... My norm but it makes me laugh whenever I read it back at myself. And I always wonder how my mind cam up with it. XD

**
My First Time Ever
It was my first time ever
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came..
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever


At milking a cow...
**

What do you guys think?!

[Thunderbird]

The only problem with the poetry is its easy to think, oh, that won't take long to read. I'll leave it til' later. But it tends to be that ANYTHING I leave til later tends to get quickly forgotten. Sorry about that. I'll be trying to catch up on some I haven't taken more of a look at.

Oh, and don't forget to join the Art and Poetry guild so we can work on how to solve that issue and more together!

Now then, that said... about that last one:

OH MY GOD!!!! :lol: That was so frickin' AWESOME!!! That was seriously like one of the funniest poetry pieces I've ever read - clearly worthy of a viral email!!!! Smee posted a great piece about a pissing contest about a month ago and I thought, now I don't think we'll ever see anyone match that skill and hilarity here - most certainly I don't think I'd ever match it myself.

You, my friend, just matched it. This was a professional level piece. Mindblowingly good!

[Angeal PureHeart]

Well thank you ^_^ What issue are you speaking of though? I don't quite understand... And thanks for the compliment. Though I don't think it is really all that awsome. I am sure there are plenty more among us who are far better than I.