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Phantomfan
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 Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:00 am Post subject: The Orb- New Chapter 5 up!!! Readreadread! |
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So, as some of you will notice, this is my first SG. Any and all comments/criticism is greatly appreciated.
Thanks, and enjoy!
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Prologue
The Sightseer stood from her chair and walked over to her bedside table. Laying on the are worn surface were two objects. One was an old, leather bound book with yellowed pages. The other rested on top of a circular pedestal in the shape of a dragon curled around its endless treasure. The object atop the stand was concealed by an emerald green veil. The Sightseer knew that underneath it was a ball, or more aptly named, an orb. It was filled with bluish gray mist, seemingly swirling of its own free will, and occasional sparkles, almost like stars. Infused in the ball was her soul. She prepared to pull the veil off for what she knew would be the last time. It was part of the curse of becoming a Sightseer- when you gave your soul to the orb, you immediately knew the time when you had to die. She had known for over thirty years the exact time when she was going to die… a time that was fast approaching.
The Sightseer removed the veil from the orb for the last time, peering deep into its cloudy interior. Sitting down, she placed her hands on either side of it, gently picking it up from its stand. She closed her eyes and allowed her consciousness to leave her body and delve into the orb, surrounding itself with the mist of time. The mist grew thicker and the sparkles became more frequent. One in particular was bright and repetitious, and she focused on it. Its flashes came faster and brighter until it grew into a single, consistent, blinding light. This light grew until it filled the orb entirely with a pinprick of color in the center: a window to another time.
The scene inside the window was nothing but color until she focused on it, forcing the image to become clearer. A girl, nearly a woman with waist-length, jet-black hair gently stirring in the wind. A sheath was strapped to her side, the sword it normally carried stuck in the ground, buried half way. The sword radiated a keen menace, a desperation to murder, so powerful even the Sightseer could feel it, ages between them. The girl was bent over, holding something in her hands. The Sightseer couldn’t make out what it was: no matter how much she focused her will on it, the little patch of blurriness that was the object would not clear up.
She was distracted from the object when she noticed a shimmer next to the girl. It was nearly mist, but clearer… A phantom. In the shape of a female warrior, it was standing next to the girl,
spear in hand.
The girl suddenly straightened, holding what had been cradled in her arms straight up to the sky. It was an orb, the Sightseer realized, horrified. Thunder crashed, and lightning struck all around the girl, and the Sightseer could see the phantom shouting at the girl, trying to make her move or stop whatever she was doing. The girl did not seem to hear either; her eyes were transfixed upon the orb, gazing up at it in wonder, love, and almost… what was it? Fear? Before the Sightseer could interpret her expression, a bolt of lightning struck the orb, filling it with fire. But there was something wrong with the fire… it seemed to have an evil, wrongness about it.
The girl’s expression changed to surprise, and then terror as she saw what lay within it. She dropped the orb and it shattered against the stony ground. Black smoke laced with lightning enveloped the shards, growing until it nearly encompassed the entire scene. The phantom, still shouting, managed to get the girl out of her trance. She picked up her sword and fled, the phantom following close behind. The Sightseer frantically tried to remove herself from the vision, but an unseen force seemed to be holding her where she was. The smoke began to shape itself, twisting and turning. Slowly and eye began to form; a red, menacing, ghastly eye that seemed to be staring straight into the Sightseer’s own. It grew and grew until it surrounded her, with a stare sharp enough to scythe through steel. She felt like its gaze ripping through her mind when, with an enormous effort, she managed to wrench herself away from the vision and back into her own body.
Her eyes snapped open, and she collapsed into her chair, heart pounding. She sat there for what seemed like hours, the ball clutched against her chest, trying unsuccessfully to clear her head. All she could think of was the girl holding the ball, and the eye… the eye was an image she knew she would never forget.
When she had finally gotten a hold of herself, the Sightseer placed the orb back on the pedestal and sighed; a sound full of sorrow and pain.
“Spirits help you child,” she murmured. “Though you may not come for hundreds of years, you are going to need the help.”
She opened the leather bound book to the last page, picked up a quill pen and with a still shaking hand, wrote every detail of her last vision. When she was finished, she put down the pen and closed the book. She gently picked up the ball and cradled it to her chest one last time, savoring its weight. Then, raising it above her head, she threw it onto the ground with surprising force, smashing it into hundreds of little shards from which gray-blue mist erupted. Her eyes widened when the ball hit the ground, then closed as she collapsed next to the shards. The mist settled, a silvery dust, on top of her lifeless form. Lines of sorrow, etched so deeply into her silver skin, deepened, then eased.
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:35 pm; edited 27 times in total
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:30 am Post subject: |
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Cool! This rocks!*is seriously enjoying another seer story* I gotta admit, I was thrown off balance at first, ten it totally started coming toogether. You hadm a hook, and man- you totally sharpened it. I know one thing, I'm not gonna be able to walk away from this SG if I try.
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Tipico
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:09 am Post subject: |
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yea its good. my only complaint is | Quote: | | as she collapsed nest to the shards. |
it should be next next to the shards
(i only noticed cos i always do that)
part from that brilliant!
_________________
mystic jungle chapter 2 out now!
would you like a little lemon and lime with that mister??
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:21 am Post subject: |
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YAY!!!!!
more comments to follow
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illusionist
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:14 am Post subject: |
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great job hon!
only critique is that you switch tenses sometimes - from past to present.
maybe watch that?
other than that, it's great. 
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:25 am Post subject: |
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Great Prologue!
Can't wait to see what comes next in Chapter One!
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avenger
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:07 am Post subject: |
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| Fats_Masterson wrote: | Great Prologue!
Can't wait to see what comes next in Chapter One! |
I can't wait either! It is very good! Keep on working!!!
P.S I am probably the most impatient person you will ever meet 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:34 am Post subject: |
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I rather liked this, though it needs a bit of tidying up here and there.
One point:
Just look at your first five paragraphs and how they start:
The Sightseer stood.
The Sightseer removed t.
The scene .
The girl suddenly... s.
The girl’s expression
All with 'the' and four of them with The (person). Try and vary this, and make sure your 'show' not 'tell'. I'm as guilty of doing this as anyone, so I know it's easy to slip. Just something to watch!
I look forward to seeing the first chapter. Just make sure you don't rush it!! 
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:23 am Post subject: The Orb, Chapter 1!!!! |
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Chapter One
Mist. A sword of all colors. A smokey figure. Stars. A glowing orb. Lightning. Fire. Terror. Shouting. Smoke. Fear. An eye, piercing, hating. Running. Running. Fleeing. Falling…..
With a gasp, Aria jerked awake. She sat up in bed, heart pounding. That dream again… She lay back down with a groan.
That could only mean one thing; it was her birthday. She had dreamed that exact same dream the night before her birthday ever since she could remember. Only, exactly what it was, she could never say. She tried to remember it entirely, but the only thing she could still picture was the mist. A bluish-gray mist that surrounded her entirely, entrancing and beautiful, yet menacing at the same time. Everything else had faded away, only to be remembered when she dreamt it again. She knew from past experience that trying to go back to sleep was pointless, so, sighing, she pulled off the covers and rolled out of bed. The moon was streaming through the window at such a perfect angle that nearly everything was visible under a silvery light.
Rubbing her eyes, Aria walked over to the chair where the day’s outfit had been laid out the night before. A shirt and a cotton skirt. The skirt was one of her favorites; nice enough to please her parents, but easy to move around in and not so long as to trip her or prevent her from running or climbing trees. Yawning, she pulled the skirt on, quickly followed by the shirt.
After dressing, she sat back down on her bed. From the look of the sky, there were still two or three hours until daylight. Hmmm, what to do, what to do…. Aria thought. She could go out to the roof and sit there, watching the sunrise… but no, her parents had said that if she was caught up there again, she would have to do the dishes for a month, along with washing all the clothes.
The house.
Hmmm.
Now why had that thought popped into her head? The house was an old, once lived-in dwelling that was now falling apart. It lay deep in the forest, slightly hidden in a patch of trees. Aria had found it a couple of weeks ago while running away from the building full of chores that was deemed “home”. After exploring the ground level, she had completely forgotten about it in the thrashing she had received when she finally returned home. As far as Aria could tell, no one else had been there since the old owner left. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. There was a sense of familiarity she had when she was there, almost like a long forgotten song.
After deciding to go explore the house a bit more, Aria walked over to the dresser, the only other piece of furniture in the small room, and opened the top drawer. Pulling aside an assortment of skirts and pants, she came to a small wooden box hidden well beneath all the clothes. Aria had bought the box from the last troop of peddlers that had come through the village last spring. The box had caught her eye from among a variety of large, colorful and more interesting objects on the peddler’s wagon. She wasn’t quite sure why she had been drawn to it. There was something so, beautiful about the carving. A wolf, howling at the moon. When looking at it, Aria could almost feel the tensing in the wolf’s shoulders and legs as he let loose his mournful song… When she had pointed it out to the lad who was manning the cart, he had given the box a strange stare, almost as if he was shocked to see it there. Although surprised, he still managed to get Aria to pay an entire month’s allowance for it.
She picked up the box and placed it on top of the dresser. Inside was a half carved lump of wood, along with a dagger. Aria pulled out the dagger and turned it over in her hands. It was about the size of the kitchen knife her mother used to cut up elk. It was heavy, but a comforting weight. Yet another thing she had purchased from the peddlers, but a few seasons earlier. It came along with a sheath that was attached to a belt, which was lying in the box. Putting down the dagger, she picked up the sheath and strapped it on underneath her shirt. Sheathing the dagger, she then tucked her shirt back in, making sure the dagger was well hidden. The dream always made her edgy for the rest of the day, and she strangely felt better with the dagger close to her. Aria had no idea how to use it though, if the time came, but it soothed her nonetheless.
As she replaced the box under all the clothes and closed the drawer, her reflection in the mirror caught her eye. Her mirror was one of few, something she had received as a birthday present quite a few years ago, before her parents had seen her as “uncivilized”. Aria eyed her reflection critically. Her hair, long and jet-black, was in a tight braid that hung down to her waist. Her skin was uncharacteristically pale except where it was burned red. She burned rather than tanned, unlike her sisters who all tanned beautifully and gracefully. Her eyes… her eyes were also unique. Her siblings all had brown or black eyes; Aria’s were green with a small gold circle around each pupil.
“Yet another thing to be teased about,” she muttered, pulling her gaze away from her reflection. No one else liked exploring like she did, no one else, felt as relaxed as she did in the forest, no one else would even venture more than 10 feet into the forest. No, all her sisters were too delicate, and much more comfortable being left to their spinning wheels, or cooking, or washing clothes, or watching babies, or other menial chores like that. Aria’s weaving was atrocious, nothing but knots and tangles, her cooking left much to be desired, she could barely wash the dishes without breaking at least one, and she never could handle babies. Too much squirming and crying for her to handle. The only thing she was any good at was carving. Of course, the use of knives in that way was frowned upon in her family, so all her finished carvings were hidden under the loose floorboard under her bed.
Sighing once more, Aria grabbed her jacket off the chair and put it on; even though it was almost summer, the mornings were still brick enough to want an extra layer. Closing her bedroom door, she tiptoed down the hall past her sisters’ rooms and her parents’ room before quietly walking down the stairs. She took the spare lantern off of the hook next to the door, carefully inserting the tinder and flint into the little slot. The moon was bright enough to see by, but she wasn’t sure if the house had windows. Aria opened the door silently, walking out and closing it just as silently. Walking out behind the house and into the forest, she shivered, pulling her coat closer around her.
As she walked into the forest, she immediately felt warmer. The trees always seemed to have that affect on her, warming and comforting. She continued walking towards the house, the moonlight guiding her way. All of a sudden, a noise, like a huge, low drum beating, sounded behind her. She froze, hoping whatever was there was not after her. More noises, coming closer. They sounded like footsteps, only very low and throbbing through the entire forest. They were definitely not a human’s; they certainly were nothing she had ever heard. They didn’t even seem to be of this world. Aria slowly untucked her shirt, reaching for the dagger.
Ok, so this is the DP. What is the thing making the footsteps? A spirit? Dragon? A warrior with a drum? Some sort of mystical creature?
Thanks, and once again, all criticism is appreciated.
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:01 am Post subject: |
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UNICORN!!!!!!!!
or manticora.
Or some other hoofed mythical beast.
Or we could make it the Army, coming to stop invaders. Perhaps the Elite Forces, who take both men and women. And are looking for recruits. That might be a good way to start things.
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avenger
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:00 am Post subject: |
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| A pegasus leaves the foot prints and it stays and fights and it is really powerful.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:21 am Post subject: |
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The phantom spirit, maybe of the sear
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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Because it seems that a poll would be to confusing with "what is it and what should she do", I'm changing the DP to only what is the creature (if it is one).
Thanks, and more comments are always appreciated!!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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Oh. My. God. This story rocks! I do think you could be more discriptive. I got how her hair and eyes look, and even her skin, but what else? Is she tall, skinny, fat, lean , short? Well endowed? Flat chested? Also, what does the knife look like? The box? Even the half carved block of wood. The story rocks, but it cold seriously be improved with more discriptions. I understand that some people wat to discripb things later on though, I do that too. Still, discribt more. Put us there.
As for the DP, I'm thinking. . . .some mythical thing you make up. Maybe a mix of other mythical things, but make it orginal, enevr seen before in any books! AKA, I have no idea, make somethng up.
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My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
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Adalia
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Phan wrote: | | ...the last troop of peddlers that had came... |
come
---------------
As to the DP: Maybe it's a griffin? Lame, I know. I'll come up with something better later.
EDIT: Or, a purple, winged creature that resembles a human with large, butterfly-like wings and talons on its hands and feet. It came for prey, and Aria seems to make the perfect appetizer.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I understand that some people wat to discripb things later on though, I do that too. Still, discribt more. Put us there. |
Thanks Noni, I'll be sure to do that.
So there are a lot of very different suggestions so far... any more?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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I enjoyed this first chapter Phan! The style was much improved!
The creature? Tough one. My imagination is failing me atm. Er, how about a really small humanoid which makes very big sounds? 
I'll get back to you...
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Tipico
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:51 am Post subject: |
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i agree that its great.
to me (for some reason) the creature should be a wulfen, (not a werwolf but similar the difference is that they don't change from man to wolf but stay as hairy man wolf 24/7 also they are less psychotic.
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mystic jungle chapter 2 out now!
would you like a little lemon and lime with that mister??
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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Arg! Please don't make it a werewolf or vampire! Nothing* will stop me reading faster than a Ww or V story. They are severely overdone.
*Well, bad writing maybe.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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Ok. So werewolves and vampires excluded, the list so far is;
small humanoid that makes loud noises
Griffen
purple, winged creature that resembles a human with large, butterfly-like wings and talons on its hands and feet. It has yet to be named.
Some other made up mythical creature
Phantom Spirit
Pegasus
Unicorn
Manticora
Army looking for recruits
Any wanted taken off the list or put on?
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 11:17 am Post subject: |
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Alright, the poll is up!
Come vote!!!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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*eyes the three way tie viciously*
Alright, so I need someone to break the tie.
Or else I would have to choose... And that would be hard.
Thanks!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 4:00 pm Post subject: |
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Alright, poll is closed.
Here are the results;
What is the creature approaching Aria?
| Quote: | Small Humanoid that makes loud noises 12% [ 1 ]
Phantom spirit 0% [ 0 ]
Pegasus/unicorn 0% [ 0 ]
Manticora 0% [ 0 ]
A Griffen 25% [ 2 ]
purple, winged creature that resembles a human with large, butterfly-like wings and talons on its hands and feet. It has yet to be named. 37% [ 3 ]
A different made up mythical creature. 0% [ 0 ]
The Army, looking for recruits 25% [ 2 ] |
Thanks to all who voted.
Next chapter will hopefully be up soon!!!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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No army?
Why did people vote for the fairy thing?
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 2
The low pounding sounds stopped. Aria crouched, the dagger in her hand. A shadow seemed to cross the bright moon, so fast Aria wasn’t sure if she had simply blinked. She waited, still as a statue, heart pounding so loudly she was sure it could be heard from the village. After what seemed like an eternity of seeing and hearing nothing, she slowly stood back up and continued walking through the dense forest. She suddenly noticed that her hand was aching. Looking down at it, she realized that she was still clutching the dagger, and the vine of thorns carved into the pommel was digging into her palm. Aria loosened her grip slightly, but continued to hold it at the ready. Even though I may not know how to use it, she thought, it may possibly make any attackers hesitate, giving me the chance to run…
As she continued walking, she came upon a small clearing. Remembering that the house was only about ten minutes away from the clearing, she quickened her pace across it. Halfway across, another loud thump made her spin around, dagger in front. There, standing before her, was a huge…creature. In the moment before panic, Aria was able to make out the creature’s black wings, wings like a butterfly, and the large, serrated talons on each hand and foot. It was vaguely human shaped- if humans were as big as houses and had arms that reached their knees. Its eyes were bright maroon, with a slit for a pupil. Its mouth was very similar to a wolf’s muzzle, but when the creature snarled at Aria, rows upon rows of teeth were revealed. Teeth like that could cut down to the bone in one bite.
Aria screamed, turned and ran. She didn’t get very far; the creature behind her gave one flap of its wings and reappeared directly in front of her. Startled, she fell backwards dropping her dagger. The creature opened its mouth and let out a kind of gargling, choking noise that was, Aria realized horrified, a laugh. Reaching a long arm forward, it nearly slashed her throat out, forcing her to back away. Again it struck, as Aria frantically pushed herself backwards still feeling around for her dagger. It’s playing with me, she realized. Like a cat plays with a mouse before the killing blow. Oddly enough, instead of making her even more terrified, this thought made her angry.
The creature leered closer still making the gurgling sound, and struck with what was meant to be the killing blow. She desperately raised her left arm to ward off the blow. A talon slashed her arm in passing, ripping a gash just below her shoulder.
Pain. That was what filled Aria’s mind, mixing with the anger to create a kind of boiling fury. All she could think of was this blistering, searing rage, until it seemed as if it would burn her up from the inside out. Agony, heat… A jolt went through her body, and she dimly realized that she had backed into a tree. Her right hand, still unconsciously scrambling about on the ground trying to push her out of harms way fell upon cool metal; the hilt of her dagger. Anger, fire… Barely aware of what she was doing, she raised the dagger until the point was aimed straight between the creatures glowing eyes. It seemed to stare at her in amusement, perhaps almost pity. Heat, pain, boiling, rage, fire, flame… Instinctively, she somehow… pushed the molten thoughts through her arm and into the dagger. The blade seemed to radiate with it’s own silvery light; a searing, excruciating light that pained the eyes of all who looked at it- including the creature. Its eyes widened and it made as if to step out of the possible line of fire when, with a scream of effort, Aria threw the dagger with such force that it pierced the creature directly between it’s eyes. A blinding light and a bellow from the creature were the last things Aria was aware of before lapsing into a calm, peaceful darkness.
Aria awoke in a daze. Her arm was throbbing dully… Must’ve slept on it funny, she thought. She lay there half awake and half asleep, meaningless thoughts meandering across her mind. She slowly realized that she was not in her bed, and instead lying is a pile of leaves with her back propped against a tree. She was in the forest. Why am I here? She wondered. Then, with a jolt, all her memories of the attack from the creature returned.
Aria sat up, then immediately fell back against the tree. The throbbing in her arm increased to an almost unbearable rate. Grimacing at the pain, she examined the wound. It wasn’t all that deep, just long. The bleeding had slowed, but her arm was still slick with the already drying blood. Clutching her arm, she slowly stood up, leaning against the tree to steady herself. As she stood, she saw a large shape on the ground… The creature! She froze, watching it intently. It continued to lay there, motionless. She hesitantly prodded it with her foot. Once it failed to jump up and bite her in half, she carefully looked it over, committing every detail to memory for later years.
Aside from its immensity, purple skin and gigantic arms and talons, it could almost be mistaken for an angel. In very dim light. Well, it had a human shape and wings large enough to be seen as one. Its arms were about half the size of herself, with serrated talons so dark a purple they were almost black the size of her head. Its wings were the same color, but they seemed to glisten in the moonlight.
A Kyrieky.
There is was again, that voice suggesting names in her head. But from what she had heard of Kyriekies, the hadn’t been seen since before the last sightseer, and that was hundreds of years ago. But how had it died? All Aria remembered was a bright flash of light, almost as bright as small sun. She bent closer to the creature, nearly choking at the foul smell it was emitting. It smelled, burnt. All of a sudden, Aria remembered her dagger. The dagger glowing with light and heat that she had somehow pushed… something into it, infusing it with a kind of power. Peering even closer at the creature… a Kyrieky, she saw the hilt of her dagger was standing straight out of its head, directly between its eyes. There was a line of silver that encircled the and plunged downwards like an arrow, directly in the middle of the creature’s body. Some sort of green smoke rising from the stripe was what was causing the horrible smell.
Trying not to breathe in too deeply, Aria bent over hesitantly to grab her dagger. The blade looked as if it was lodged pretty deeply into the head, but when she touched the hilt, it gave as little resistance as if she was picking it up off the ground. The dagger slid out as cleanly as it had been before it had struck. She straightened up and resheathed her dagger, stifling a moan as she moved her aching arm
She began to stumble away, thinking only of leaving the creature a long ways away. It wasn’t until she was back deep in the forest that she realized she had no idea where she was going. After a moment’s consideration, she decided to continue to the house. After all, there might be bandages there with which she could dress her wound so she could then return home. The village was too far away; she wasn’t sure if she could make it there without fainting.
Aria continued walking, biting back whimpers, until she came to a circle of trees and thorn bushes, looking almost like a fortress. It seemed impenetrable until one looked closely at the thorn bushes surrounding the tallest tree. When Aria had first discovered this ring of trees, she had been curious as to what lay within and had hacked her way through, forming a little tunnel through the brush. The entrance to the tunnel was hidden by a layer of leaves and branches she had placed it front of it; disguising it as part of the natural brush.
She pulled the layer back, revealing a tunnel small enough for an adolescent, but not big enough for an adult. The thorn bushes had grown since her last visit, but it was still usable. She bent down and began crawling through, grimacing as the thorns tore at her clothes, scratching her arms and face. Once through the short passage, she painfully got back to her feet.
Standing in front of her was the house. It was small, but elaborate. Instead of the usual light brown wood, it was built from a dark, reddish-black wood that, had it been new, would have reflected the moonlight and glowed with a kind of silvery sheen. There were carvings all over it, including around the door. The sands of time had worn away the details, and Aria couldn’t make them out. They seemed to be little people, almost fairies, peeping out of the carved forest that surrounded them. There were other things too. Creatures with wings, talons, horns, and even…. Aria squinted at one right above the doorway. Was that a… human ear? Ignoring it for the time being, she walked up to the door and pushed it. It creaked open on hinges long deprived of oil, revealing a dark, musty interior.
Aria stepped into the threshold carefully, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. Once she could make out enough shapes to find her way without tripping over anything, she slowly walked into the house, leaving the door open behind her. After the incident with the Kyrieky, she didn’t want to be stuck in a place with no escape route if the door was jammed. Brushing aside cobwebs and dust, she came to a room that might, a long time ago, have been a kitchen. There was a small window high up on the wall. Inside was little more than a rotting old table and a stove. Above the stove was a shelf that once might have held fine china; all that was left now were cobwebs and a single wooden spoon. There were, however, stairs that led to the room or rooms above the kitchen. There might be some fabric up there with which to wrap her arm.
Walking over to the stairs, Aria wondered who had once lived here. Certainly no more then one person; the house wasn’t big enough to accommodate any more. But who would choose to live a solitary life like this out in the woods? As she walked past the table, she froze in her tracks. There came a vision almost, like a window to another time. She was sitting at the table, which was now polished and holding a bouquet of flowers. The room was bright with sunlight streaming through the small window. Then suddenly, the vision was gone, and she was back in her own time. Unsettled, she shook her head, attempting to clear her mind of these strange feelings.
She finally made it to the stairs and grasped the dust-covered banister with her good arm. As she stepped onto the first step, what seemed like centuries of dust erupted from the stair, billowing back down upon her, making her cough and choke. When the dust had resettled, she gingerly began climbing the stairs again, putting every foot very slowly through the dust. At last, she reached the top of the stairs. She stood there staring at the door that lay in front of her. She dimly noticed that the carvings in the door were
much more vicious and threatening then the ones outside.
Pushing the door open, she came upon a bedroom. Inside were a bed and a small bedside table. The bed sheets were too grimy to be used as a bandage, she observed. Aria sighed, then once again examined her arm, The bleeding had stopped, and the throbbing had lessened to a dull ache that was bearable. Just have to be careful not to break the scab, she thought, ad collapsed onto the bed. She idly surveyed the room from her perch, taking in the small table, the glass shards in one corner of the room and the small, plain trunk in the opposite corner. Curious, she got off the bed and slowly walked over to it. It wasn’t quite as simple as it had looked at first glance. The lock, for instance. Though rusted and stained, it didn’t seem to have any kind of keyhole. It was just a flat piece of metal. Reaching out a hand, she placed a finger on it. With a small click, the latch popped open. Eyeing the chest warily, she pushed open the heavy lid.
The first thing she noticed was a sheathed sword. Reaching inside carefully, she lifted it out and held it in her hands. The hilt of the sword was carved with an intricate array of flowers; almost identical to her dagger. But, she noticed, peering intently, whoever had decorated it had been sure to include thorns along with the flowers. Placed in the pommel was a small, glittering stone Aria recognized to be a fire opal. It was commonly used n crowns and said to be a sign of strength and power. She slowly pulled out the blade and gasped. This blade! It was exactly the same one as in her dream! A blade the color of Mother of Pearl; all colors at once, yet none at all. It seemed to glow in the light, fiery and wonderful. Dropping the sheath, she hefted the sword, instinctively falling into a defensive stance. She whirled around into stances she had never even done or even seen before, but somehow felt right, sword darting in and out of invisible attackers. It became a swirl of light, visible only to those who held it and those who came to near to the pointy end to allowed to leave unscathed. Laughing giddily, she stopped whirling about and simply stood there, holding the sword. It was like a long-forgotten friend, a happy reminder of times before… Aria frowned. Why did she feel this way? Nostalgic towards times she had never even heard of? Troubled, she hurriedly resheathed the sword and dropped it on the bed.
Then, something caught her eye. There was another object in the trunk … she leaned over and peered inside.
Ok, so, once again the dp is pretty obvious. What is the object inside the trunk? An orb? A dead body? You decide.
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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well since the title of this story is THE ORB.
I would go for an orb.
Or perhaps maybe some sort of bottle, which the Phantom is sealed in.
Either of those would advance the plot admirably.
Good writing.
Love the description of the sword.
P.S. Kyrieky?
brings to mind a certain dead crocodile hunter.
("CRIKEY!!!!!! A Kyrieky!!!")
lol
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Love the description of the sword. |
Thanks, DMW. I actually enjoy writing about weapons- something that is pretty fun to do.
| Quote: |
P.S. Kyrieky?
brings to mind a certain dead crocodile hunter.
("CRIKEY!!!!!! A Kyrieky!!!") |
...No. I was trying to add a kind of... religiousness almost, to it. (word Kyrie)
Thanks though.
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:55 am Post subject: |
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| I thought all the descriptions were rich and vivid. At times the plot seems a little forced, particularly when it comes to getting Aria to the house in the woods. Just a tip, if you feel like you have to explicitly explain why the character does one thing instead of another, then it's probably because the action goes against your audience's logical expectations. So far, the story is very good and I can't wait to see how things develop, but please try to listen to your character more. She'll tell you where the plot needs to go, otherwise the audience may begin to feel like you're the antagonist in this story.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | please try to listen to your character more. She'll tell you where the plot needs to go, otherwise the audience may begin to feel like you're the antagonist in this story. |
Thanks Shyes.
As stated before, this is my first SG, but in truth, it is actually my first written story period.
So I realize that there are many things I can definitaly improve on, this being one of them.
Thanks!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:46 am Post subject: |
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ok
DMW right we should get to orb, if that what this story is about
or maybe a note address to her, telling where the (a) orb is, that is if she wants to get it?
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | and you know me and weapons... *drools over sword* |
 I'm glad you liked the sword, Lil. Hopefully the rest of the story can be like that.
| Quote: | | you need to slow down with the plot a little bit...okay? |
Ok Lil. I will definitely try. Thanks.
Alright, about the DP. So far we have;
An Orb
Bottle holding the Phantom
Talking head of the Last sightseer
A note addressed to Aria, telling her where the orb is
Any more?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:09 am Post subject: |
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| What about the leather bound book the seer was recording visions in during the prologue?
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:00 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for everyone's suggestions.
Poll is now up!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Chinaren
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 6:45 am Post subject: |
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I still like my note note idea, but the book is better.
maybe the note either in the book, or part of the book
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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Alright all, poll is closed! Results are as follows;
What else is in the trunk?
An Orb
0% [ 0 ]
A Bottle holding the Phantom
28% [ 2 ]
Talking head of the last Sightseer
28% [ 2 ]
A note addressed to Aria telling her where the orb is
0% [ 0 ]
The old, leather bound book seen in the prologue
42% [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 7
Who Voted: Adalia, Chinaren, DeadManWalking, Fats_Masterson, NeverNeverGirl, SerriaFox, shy_blu_eyes
Thanks to everyone who voted.
I have a lot of work to do during the next few weeks, so I apologize in advance if the next chapter isn't up as quickly as hoped. But it will be up soon!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:49 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 3
The only other object in the trunk, Aria noted, was a book. This wasn’t anything to worry about- she knew books. She had learned how to read from her grandmother; a temperamental old woman who had been intent on making her grandchildren ready for the world. She cautiously reached down into the dark interior and pulled out the book, the leather binding smooth in her hand. This book, however, was unlike any of the almanacs she had ever looked at; its worn cover decorated with silver feathers. As she looked closer, the feathers seemed to move, swirling in and out of strange and beautiful patterns. Startled, she blinked, and the feathers were back to their original positions, as if nothing had happened. Aria hastily placed the book on the floor and watched it warily, but when no other movements happened, she carefully picked it back up and opened to the first page.
It was covered in spidery handwriting that had faded slightly with age, but was still readable. Aria read the first page, then the next, then the one after. The only sounds in the room were her breathing, and the slow steady rhythm of the turning pages.
After what felt like centuries, a loose sheet of paper fell from between two pages and floated slowly to the floor. Slightly startled, she tore herself away from reading and gently closed the book. Her hand lingered on the binding, reluctant to part with the feeling of power that was contained inside the writing on the yellowed pages. This book… it was a Sightseer’s journal; a journal of memories. But not just memories of the past. Many of these entries were memories of the future, written exactly as the sightseer saw them. The sightseer who had owned this book must have been pretty powerful, Aria mused. Most sightseers who had existed long before could rarely predict anything that would happen in the next week, and the vision would normally be something small and trivial; such as the breaking of a vase, or the dropping of a plate. Most of these predictions, however, were now big, important parts of history; the assassination of the King and Queen, the betrayal and destruction of the Tion. It even contained a first hand prediction of the fight and killing of Lyron, the leader of the Tion and the most powerful sorceress and warrior ever.
Aria watched the sheet of paper finally complete its fall to the ground- only to explode into a fountain of light a second later. With a small shriek of surprise, Aria dove behind the bed,- reaching for her dagger. After a few minutes of waiting for an attack and receiving none, she peered over the dusty bedspread. Standing in the middle of the floor was… something that can only be described as a mist. A column of swirling, blue mist that glowed with its own light. As she continued watching it warily, it started to collapse upon itself and form into a vaguely human shape. It became more and more compact, though still slightly transparent. It was in the shape of a queen, wearing a golden circlet atop white hair, regal eyes closed... Aria blinked. No, it was a warrior, spear in hand and sword sheathed on her back. Now a prince… it went through a series of changes, shifting almost faster then she could perceive. It stopped changing for a second, halting on the shape of a… Kyrieky!
She screamed and jumped back, smacking into the wall. The Kyrieky… now a wolf, opened its eyes and leaped over the bed heading towards Aria. Seemingly in slow motion, the wolf shifted into a soldier, sword outstretched. It landed gracefully in front of her, blade an inch away from the unprotected skin of her neck, brown eyes flashing with anger.
“Who are you?” The thing demanded, in a voice like a choir shouting in unison. “What have you done with Esther?”
It continued changing form erratically, but the razor-sharp, surprisingly solid blade remained next to Aria’s neck. She opened her mouth, trying to say that she had no idea who Esther was, but fear turned her words into a pathetic squeak.
“Why were you reading her journal? Answer!” The blade was pushed closer to Aria’s neck, pressing into her skin.
Thoughts raced through her head. What was this thing? What did it mean by Esther’s journal? And most importantly… How in the world am I going to get out of this?
It's a bit short, I know. I apoligize for that- this summer has not been as relaxing as it looked like it would be in the beginning... So anyway, here'e the dp! How DOES Aria get out of this? Does she fight, talk with the phantom? You decide! [/i]
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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As always, beautiful descriptions. I especially loved the silver feathers on the book's cover.
As for the DP, tell the truth
"I found it."
If that doesn't get her killed, go back to the Kyrieky attack and explain the whole story...
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A Mysterious Witch, A Bloodthirsty Noble, A Druid with one personality too many, and An Assassin with a price on his head...
and those are the "Good Guys".
Welcome, to the Barony of Wyndshire!
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Syranore
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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Just to throw things off, i say that she breaks into a musical number detailing her journey.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:29 am Post subject: |
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| Syranore wrote: | | Just to throw things off, i say that she breaks into a musical number detailing her journey. |
Um... thanks?
I don't know if that would really work for the rest of the story... but what the heck, why not.
Any other suggestions?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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In some stories the power of the phantom is belief.
If she believes the phantom is non-corporeal, then it can do her no harm, however if she believe it to be a danger then here own mind would cause the damage.
Or this mussing could be non-since, since in your world the phantom is very corporeal.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| SerriaFox wrote: | | Or this mussing could be non-since, since in your world the phantom is very corporeal. |
Sort of... basically, the phantom was kind of inspired, and can go from immaterial to material in a moments notice.
The sword, however, (as with any other weapons) tends to be material almost all of the time, and turning it back immaterial is a lot of work.
Thanks for the suggestion though, it was a cool thought.
Any others?
(come on, I really don't want to make this "The Orb; the musical")
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Adalia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:17 am Post subject: |
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Tell a partial truth. Give a vague overview of how you got there, then you still somewhat protect yourself.
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All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:33 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Adalia!
Alright, so we have
Tell the entire
"sing" the truth
Tell a partial truth
Not a very interesting dp, I know.
Any more thoughts?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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...
Normally i would say NO. BAD SNORE. NO MUSICAL NUMBERS.
But i am in a goofy mood, soo...
YAY MUSICAL NUMBERS!!!!!!!!!!
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:38 am Post subject: |
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Alright all, poll is up!
Come check it out!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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Poll will remain open for 2 more days...
Get your votes in!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:00 am Post subject: |
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Hey Phantom. I just wanted to tell you, like I promised, I am making in through your SG. I was going to post a crit, but I felt that it wasn't really necessary for the prologue seeing as how that's old news compared to the rest of it. Anyways--just wanted to tell you I loved the description of the "crystal ball"--mainly the "just color until she could focus it" and the phantom! Hot. I'll keep reading, don't you worry  .
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Fath!
And poll is closed!
Results;
Attempt to fight her way out
14%
14% [ 1 ]
Tell the Phantom the entire story
0%
0% [ 0 ]
Break out into a musical number detailing her journey
28%
28% [ 2 ]
Tell a partial truth to protect herself
42%
42% [ 3 ]
Authors space (Do NOT vote here please!)
14%
14% [ 1 ]
Thanks to all who voted!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUSICAL NUMBER!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
SO close.
*sob*
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Head Eater
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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ssssSSSSSsssssss. The Head Eater loves musicalsssSSss, neverthelesssSSss, this ssssSSsstory and author have proved their worthynessssSSSsss. Ensure it remainsssSSss so, or I will be back for your head.
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Heads.
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:58 am Post subject: |
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Congratulations Phan. The promotion of your first story game!
As always, I look forward to whatever is coming next.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:56 am Post subject: |
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YAY FOR PHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:52 am Post subject: |
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| CONGRATULATIONS!!
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zahark
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:31 am Post subject: |
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hey phan! I love the story so far and I have to agree with lil on the sword. Love your descriptions. The phantom is very interesting, mabey you could have it become a friend to her after she gets out of trubble.
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:13 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the congratulations, everyone.
I somehow managed to write this next chapter in two different notebooks- one of which I currently do not have with me. So, I will be posting this chapter in two parts, one of which I have right here.
Enjoy!!
Chapter 4, Part One
“Who are you?” The Phantom repeated, nearly bellowing in Aria’s ear.
“M-m-my name is Aria,” she choked out, thoughts flying wildly about. “I-I’m a peddler, and my caravan is outside, waiting-” She broke off as the Phantom shoved its sword even closer to her neck, pressing against the skin.
“Don’t lie,” the Phantom hissed. “Aria is not a peddler’s name, and there are no wagons outside, nor will there ever be.” It brought its ever-changing face closer to Aria’s, piercing black eyes boring into her own. She found herself transfixed by the gaze, unable to look away. The eyes seemed to draw her in until she was falling into their endless depths- only to be halted by a strong set of hands. These… hands pulled her out of the blackness, jolting her back to her own body. The Phantom’s eyes widened in surprise and hesitated before backing away slightly, fixing Aria with a calculating stare. As she felt the sword leave her neck, Aria heaved a sigh of relief but kept her eyes trained on the weapon in its hands.
“And…yet…I cannot reach into your mind…” the Phantom seemed surprised, still staring at Aria. She tried to return the stare, but was unable to match the unblinking ferocity and looked away.
After a long, uncomfortable silence in which Aria did her best not to move, the Phantom sighed and looked away.
“I do not know who you really are, or why you are here. However, I do sense a kind of familiarity about you… one that is keeping me from harming you.” It seemed to have settled on the permanent shape of a small dragon, though Aria could see some wavering patches along its body, almost like a tail or horns trying to break free. Tearing her eyes away from its intimidating shape, Aria slowly pulled herself away from the wall, though still remaining a comfortable distance away from the Phantom. She tried to speak, to ask what it meant by ‘familiarity’, only to find her mouth to dry to form words. The Phantom glanced back up at her, as if sensing her hesitation. It smiled- a slightly disturbing sight to see on a dragon, and changed to the much less frightening shape of a man, garbed in villager’s clothing. The only odd thing that remained now was the sword it still held in its hand, and its color… Aria squinted. It was like looking through fog- the color was present, but indistinct and tainted slightly silver.
“Fear not, for I harbor no ill will towards you.” The Phantom spoke again, its voice no longer as loud and discordant as before, though it still reminded Aria of a bunch of different people speaking in perfect unison. “I will cause you no harm. You may speak if you so wish.”
“What… what are you?” squeaked Aria.
“A phantom.” It replied. “A spirit, a collector of forms and bodies.” And with that, the phantom shaped itself into an exact replica of Aria. She jumped back in surprise, then stepped forwards very slowly, the phantom mimicking her movements until it felt like she was looking into a foggy mirror. As if in a trance, she slowly raised her hand in front of her, watching the phantom’s hand pass through it. Like putting my hand in icy water, Aria thought dimly. Time seemed to freeze for an instant, both Aria and the phantom watching as ripples seemed to spread from their touching hands outwards through its body. Aria pulled her hand away, and watched as the phantom reshaped itself into a kind of elderly woman, who then resumed talking.
“One,” it continued, “that has existed since the beginning of time, serving as the protector of the sightseers and companion of the Tion.”
Aria interrupted, confused. “But the Tion are gone… destroyed over 15 years ago…” The fall of the Tion, protectors of the royal family, had led to the fall of the royal family and the rise of Menrik and his Council of the Greater Good…
“Yes.” The Phantom’s eyes flashed with anger as its body formed into a kind of big cat with curved fangs that reached down to its neck and it crouched down, as if in preparation to tackle and kill. “That scum, Menrik, was the one who betrayed Lyron and the others, sending them all to their deaths.” It growled deep in its throat, sending Aria scurrying back to the wall.
“W… what?” exclaimed Aria. That certainly was not the story that she knew. “I thought Menrik was the one who tried to save the Tion…”
It growled even louder and crouched lower to the floor. “No. Menrik destroyed the Tion, and the Sightseers in the process.”
She shook her head in frustration. “I’m sorry, but you are making no sense at all. Could you please tell the truth about Menrik and… and the sightseers and… and you?”
Startled at the anger in Aria’s voice, it looked up at her. After a few moments, it nodded, saying, “Yes, I will tell you the truth. I suppose that Menrik has silenced everyone who really knew the truth… However, I will only do so if you then tell me who you are, and why you are here.” Aria hesitated a bit longer, unsure if telling it about her was a good idea, then curiosity overcame her and she nodded her consent. The Phantom glanced out the window and resumed its random shifting, as if collecting its thoughts. Aria tentatively walked forward and sat on the bed, still watching the Phantom cautiously. After a few minutes of silence, it turned back to face Aria, eyes never wavering from her face though it’s body continued to randomly shift.
end of part one
Now I do realize there is no dp as of yet, but there will be one when part 2 comes. Still, all comments are appreciated- thanks!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 5:59 am Post subject: |
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Bah, I catch up, and you don't have a DP! ~shakes fist~
Sorry I missed the last one.
Anyway. Waiting.
Nice chapter btw.
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Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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good job.
*is waiting impatiently for the next part*
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zahark
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| Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 7:29 am Post subject: |
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I'll be waiting for the next part. and this time I'll vote
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Krystal Latiana
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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*Just sat down and read the whole thing* Haha...The Orb: the Musical... 
Anyway, I'm loving it so far. Keep it up! 
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:28 am Post subject: |
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Sorry for the delay, but part two is finally up! Enjoy!
Chapter 4, Part Two
“Very well.” The Phantom said. “What would you like to know? And before you ask a question, I must tell you that I am obliged to answer any question completely and truthfully, so if you ask anything, be prepared for a long answer.”
“Well, I… I guess the first thing I’d like to know is what you meant by you being the ‘protector of the Sightseers.’” Aria stammered, confidence returning little by little.
The phantom seemed to think for a second before saying “Answer me this first. What do you know about Sightseers?”
“Not much- only what I’ve heard from the stories.” Aria tried to force her frightened brain to think about what she knew. “They use balls of glass to predict the future, and the last one died about two hundred years ago.”
The phantom chuckled, a dark sound that sent shivers down Aria’s spine. “A good start. Looks like I may have to start from the beginning.” It resumed a human shape and sat down cross-legged in the air.
“Since the dawn of time,” it began, “there has always been one person with the ability to See into a different era, whether it be the past or future. This… skill is only seen in one person at a time, and when that one person dies, it will move to a different host. It began as little more then a feeling, a premonition that something would happen. As the years went by and the ability jumped from person to person, it grew in strength. Sightseers began to see actual events clearly and accurately. However, they only received very small glimpses until one decided to try and harness the ability. Adam, if the memory serves correctly, Saw a vision of himself holding a kind of… ball. He then spent the rest of his short life, guided by small visions, working to create these spheres, which he aptly named Orbs.”
“Short life? What do you mean by that?”
The phantom sighed. “To complete the Orb, the Sightseer who possesses it must infuse the ability within themselves into the Orb, which is, in essence, their soul.”
“So… when the Orb is broken-“
“The Sightseer dies.” The Phantom finished shortly. “As both Adam and I found out that day, when he placed it on top of his big pile of books, then tried to take one out from the middle.” It chuckled again. “I have seen the deaths of many Sightseers, but none as random as this. Had the results not been so sad, it would have been almost comical.” Now in the shape of a kind of queen, it steeped its long elegant fingers and looked at Aria from over them. “Now tell me. What is the state of the royal family?”
“Dead.” Aria replied. “They’ve been gone for at least 15 years, and Lord Menrik has ruled his with his Council for the Greater Good since then.”
Its eyes flashed with anger. “And what reason has he given for being on the throne?”
“Well- he was the only one who tried to save the king and queen, wasn’t he? All the other Tion plotted to kill the King and Queen and take over their throne, and he was the only one who stayed loyal to the family. He didn’t manage to save them, but he did kill all the traitorous Tion single handedly, as well as all the evil creatures they summoned--” she stopped as a dagger reappeared in its hand. “At least, that’s what he’s told everyone.” Aria finished hastily. “Um… I take it that’s not what happened?”
The phantom shook its head. “No, not in the least. Menrik was the one who slaughtered the Tion, true, but he was also the one behind Kin and Queen’s assassination.”
“How do you know?” Aria questioned. If what it said was true, then the entire country had been living under nothing but lies.
“Because I was there.” It took one look at Aria’s stunned face and sighed before talking again. “Esther, the last Sightseer, Saw the entire event just a few short days before it happened. Without even stopping to write down her vision, she rushed to warn them of the traitorous path Menrik would take, then the King’s advisor. The royal family refused to see her despite her pleadings, so she instead snuck in to talk to the Tion. I, as a spirit unknown to the Tion, was not allowed into the room with Esther as she explained her vision to the Tion, and thus waited outside the door. Minutes after she walked inside, Menrik appeared, followed by hordes of dark and bloodthirsty creatures. I defended the entrance as best I could, but some managed to slip past and into the room, immediately killing those closest to the door. Lyron, the leader of the Tion and the most powerful of them all, was one of the first killed before she even had a chance to protect herself. And… without their leader, the rest of the Tion quickly followed.”
Aria stumbled over to the bed and sat down, head spinning from the realization that nearly everything she knew was a lie. “So… the Sightseers didn’t disappear a hundred years ago and Lord Menrik is really just a lying jerk that killed everyone for power. But what happened to Esther?”
The phantom paused. “I do not know. During the battle between Menrik and the Tion, I managed to grab Esther and pull her out of the fight. The only safe place for her was here-” it gestured around the room. “So I got her back here as fast as I could. Through the entire journey here, she wrote in her journal, though she did not permit me to see what she was writing. I think some of Menrik’s creatures followed us back here… Once in this very room, I noticed that she held a sheet of paper on which was inscribed a spell. She apologized to me, and said that this was the last thing she would do before she died. Confused, I let her read out the spell, only to realize that it was binding me to the parchment. I fought it off as hard as I could, but it must have been done by one of the Tion when we were there, and was therefore unable to stop it. The last thing I saw was her picking up her Orb before I sank into the page… to remain there until now.”
“Wow….” Aria could barely think straight, her head filled with information that she had never even imagined was possible. Through her daze, she noticed the sun was starting to come up, and realized that she should have been back at her house long ago. Oh well, too late for that now.
“Indeed. Now tell me, Aria, if that’s even your real name. I have been brought out of there for a reason, and it must be you. So please enlighten me- who are you and how did you come to be here?”
Aria tried to collect her thoughts. “Yes, my real name is Aria, and I live in the village of Siyet with my parents and four sisters.” She continued to explain to the phantom how she got to this house- Esther’s house- including the Kyrieky attack, though not how she killed it. Don’t want it to think I’m a threat… she thought briefly before resuming her story.
“A Kyrieky? Must have been a young one, if it didn’t spit fire at you…” the phantom mused.
“No, there was no- did you hear that?” Aria listened closely.
It shook it’s head. “I did not hear anything.”
Aria strained her ears. There it was again- something like a distant scream, coming from the direction of… “The village!” she gasped. She frantically ran over to the window, searching the horizon for a glimpse of the village’s rooftops. For a moment, she couldn’t see anything, until she finally pointed herself in the direction of the village. There, rising above the trees into the blood red sunset, was a column of smoke.
Alrighty, so here's the dp. What does Aria do? Run back to her village in an attempt to help? Run away from it as fast as she can? And for that matter, what does the phantom do? Does it stick with her or stay in the house?
Thanks for your patience all!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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She runs back to her village without thinking about the fact that she actually can't help that much.
(she may or may not forget the dagger)
The Phantom runs/floats/stalks/flies (WHATEVER) after her, not wanting her only contact in this new world to be lost to her so soon.
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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| I LOVE IT! Excellent. I was enthralled and so excited. Great work
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Krystal Latiana
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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Awesome, Phan. I love this!
Well, I think she should run towards the village to see what's going on, but if the threat to said village is too much for her to handle, the Phantom drags her back into the forest to safety or something like that. (If I'm overstepping my bounds, let me know.)
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zahark
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:57 am Post subject: |
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for the Dp:
mabey the lord person in charge (sorry I'm terrible at remembering names I just heard) had the fire started cause his spys heard roumers of a seer. ( mabey there are certin signs to look for so they would know) so they use the fire as a distraction, and she and the phantom don't know this so they go to help , but some spys or soliders grab her and bring her back to the palace. why: probabbly some thing to do with seeing mabey they think she can see the truth mabey they think she could be useful I don't know.....
anyway I really like it so far.
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
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I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:18 am Post subject: |
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F5 everything above, but here's the wrinkle. The Phantom doesn't choose to go with Aria. When Aria attempts to leave, she and the phantom find that they are bound to each other by a mystical force, the same force that bound the phantom to the previous seers!
Aria wants to go back to the village and see what's going on, but her new bodyguard refuses to let her endanger herself.
What happens after that is anyone's guess.
_________________
A Mysterious Witch, A Bloodthirsty Noble, A Druid with one personality too many, and An Assassin with a price on his head...
and those are the "Good Guys".
Welcome, to the Barony of Wyndshire!
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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OOOOH
I like Shy's idea.
COOL.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 6:53 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm.... interesting suggestions...
So let's see- so far we have;
Run unthinkingly back to village, with the Phantom there b/c it's curious
Run unthinkingly back to village, the Phantom with her for protection
Run back to village, only to be dragged back by Phantom
Want to run back to village, but Phantom does not allow her
I'm going to leave suggestions up for a few more days, so any more?
Thanks for the suggestions and comments everyone!!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:08 am Post subject: |
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I disagree a little with Shy,
I think Aria (as the living part would be the stronger of the two) meaning he has to go with her. However the link in new to Aria and maybe not so new to the phantom giving him greater influence, this time?
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I would rather be flying.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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who says that the Phantom has experienced this bond before?
maybe it is part of the spell that bound the Phantom to the paper!
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When the dead walk, the living run.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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Alrighty all, poll is up!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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you missed my option
She runs to the village unthinkingly and the Phantom gets dragged along.
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When the dead walk, the living run.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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I'm really, really sorry guys- but dmw forced me to put up a different poll- with his option included.
So... please vote again, if you can!!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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Alrighty, poll will remain up for just a few more days- get your votes in!!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Aaaaaannnnddd--- Poll is closed!
What to do- the real poll!!
Run back to the village, the Phantom with her for protection 11% [ 1 ]
Run back to village, only to be dragged back by Phantom 0% [ 0 ]
Run unthinkingly back to the village, phantom with her b/c it's curious 11% [ 1 ]
Run unthinkingly back to the village, the phantom getting dragged along with her (see dmw's post) 44% [ 4 ]
Want to run back to village, but Phantom does not allow her (see Sox's post) 22% [ 2 ]
Author's option (don't pick!) 11% [ 1 ]
Thanks to all who voted!
Because of school starting up again, I'm afraid the next chapter may be a bit delayed... but it will be coming soon!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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GodinJeans
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I missed the poll! Oh well! I'll kick back and smoke while i wait for the next chapter.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:19 am Post subject: |
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Aye, I caught up, and I'm here to say that I luuuuuv the chappy. Let there be bonds!!
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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zahark
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| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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*pokes* come on Phan new chapey please *looks at you with big innocent eyes*
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:28 pm Post subject: |
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I'm really sorry about the delay, guys... school has been it's normal crappy, crazy, stupid self. I am working on the chapter as much as I can, though.
It WILL be up, though.
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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*pokes Phan*
*narrows eyes*
*shows her a picture of a duck gagged and tied to a chair*
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
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msmelton
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| Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:26 am Post subject: |
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| great story
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: |
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I feel like I should give a really good excuse for the lateness of this chapter, but I can only think
of one word- School. Hopefully the next ones won't be nearly as late...
Anyways, Enjoy!
Chapter 5
The column of smoke rose into the air, writhing and twisting like a living creature. It billowed and swirled about in a menacing manner, rising higher and higher into the sky blood red with sunrise.
Transfixed, Aria watched the smoke climb up and up, then turned away from the window, heart pounding with fear. She glanced around wildly at the room, looking for a weapon- any weapon. The sword! She ran towards the bed, grabbing the leather strap attached to the sword sheath and slung it over her shoulder.
“What are you doing?” The Phantom asked, voice calm and cold, currently in the shape of a large cat.
“I’m going to my village,” Aria replied, grabbing the Sightseer’s journal and tucking it under her arm. “Something’s wrong, and I need to find out what.”
With a snarl, the Phantom leaped and landed on the bed, directly in front of Aria. “Not with Esther’s journal, you don’t.”
“But I need to finish it!” Aria cried. “There are secrets and explanations in her visions- they would explain so much about what is going on at this very moment, and maybe even how to stop it!”
“It isn’t yours.” The Phantom said, a quiet and deadly threat in every word. “It belongs to Esther.”
“Who is dead-”
“She is NOT dead, you foolish girl. If she WERE dead, do you think I would still be here? Her Sight has not moved to another person- else I would be with them, and not with such an ignorant child,” The Phantom spat, the painful discord in its voice growing until it sounded like thousands of people were all speaking at once. “She was the last Sightseer, and as such, I am bound to
protect her journal until she truly is dead and the Sight finds a different host.”
Aria was silent, glaring at the Phantom, green eyes meeting black pools. Forcing herself to return the unblinking stare, she handed the book back to the Phantom, who changed into the shape of a human in order to receive it.
“I wish you luck in finding Esther, I suppose.” she said, voice devoid of emotion.
The Phantom nodded. “And I wish you the same fortune in fighting the danger in your village.”
Without another word, Aria turned around and walked out of the bedroom, sword bouncing along with every step she took. She ran down the stairs, causing a huge avalanche of dust pouring down the stairs. Coughing violently, she stumbled out of the house and back into the yard. She dropped to her knees and crawled back through the small tunnel in the thorns, ignorant of the thorns scratching her arms and face. Once out of the tunnel, she stood up and began running as fast as she could towards her village, distant screams ringing in her ears and the smell of smoke only growing more and more evident.
Images of her family and friends flashed before her eyes as she tore blindly through the trees. What was going on? Who would want to attack her peaceful village? After a few minutes, Aria’s legs and lungs began protesting the speed and length of her strides, forcing her to stop for a moment to catch her breath. According to her wavering vision, she was in the clearing where she had first seen the Kyrieky. Gasping for breath, she leaned against a tree and closed her eyes, the sound of her pounding heart filling her ears and mind.
“Aria?”
Aria’s eyes snapped open and she fell backwards before leaping back to her feet, pulling out the sword and dropping into a defensive position. In front of her was the Phantom, looking just as stunned and confused as Aria felt- black eyes unreadable and book in hand.
“What do you want?” Aria said angrily, resheathing the sword and standing up as straight as she could despite the cramp that was forming in her side.
The Phantom opened its mouth, but seemed at a loss for words. Its form wavered for a second before it regained its composure. “I did not want to come here, but the compulsion was too great… It seems I am bound to you after all, though I do not know how.”
All danger momentarily forgotten, Aria raised an eyebrow. “Bound to me?”
“Yes. I have never experienced such a bond before, with neither the Sightseers nor the Tion. Though- perhaps it is a part of the spell Esther placed on me.”
There was a brief uncertain silence, which Aria broke with a sigh. “Well, if you’re going to join me, that’s fine. But I need to call you something other then Phantom or ghost or specter or whatever.” She said, exasperated. “What’s your name?”
The Phantom’s eyes widened. “Name?” Its ghostly brow furrowed in confusion. “You can call me… Myrrir. Yes, I think I was called that once.”
“Well then Myrrir, let’s go.” Aria began to run again, ducking out of the way of trees and leaping over branches, the Phantom beside her, loping easily along in the form of a lion. As she made her way through the forest in her panicked state, Aria realized that the sound of screams had stopped.
All of a sudden, the forest ended. Aria skidded to a halt, tripped over a loose stone and tumbled to the ground. Out of breath, she lay face down in the dirt for a few seconds, the smell of burnt wood and flesh permeating her sense of smell. Dreading what she would see, she slowly sat up.
The village was completely and utterly destroyed. Houses were toppled over like dominoes, burned down to the foundations, or crushed, as if a large being had sat on top of them. Bodies and the parts of bodies were everywhere, some burnt, some crushed, propped up against buildings, some with axes or other make-shift weapons still in hand. Aria walked through the silent wreckage as if in a dream. She was inside a void. A noiseless, emotionless void where nothing could touch her. Around her lay the bodies and heads of neighbors, friends… an arm was sticking out from underneath a large group of stones that was in the exact spot her house had been. Around the wrist of that arm was a blue bracelet… one that looked suspiciously like-
A cough off to her left caught her attention. She turned towards the toppled house from which it had come It came again, and Aria suddenly felt a surge of emotion in her empty mind, and she ran forwards towards the sound. There, underneath the remnants of her kitchen ceiling, was her mother, upper body burnt beyond recognition.
Aria crouched down, clutching her mother’s hand that was oozing with sores. “Mother?” she asked quietly, urgently.
Her mother cracked open her eyes. They were burning brightly- far too brightly… “Aria.” she croaked, voice harsh and rasping. “They wanted… you…” She clutched at Aria’s arm, bright eyes open but seeing nothing. “Find uncle…city. You are…last hope…” The bright, bright eyes filmed over, and the hand in Aria’s grasp went limp.
Gently, slowly, Aria lowered her mother’s charred hand to her chest. She stood up and began walking, past rubble, bodies, blood- walking, walking. Her mind was empty, her body numb, eyes blind to the destruction around her, ears deaf to dying breaths, sword forgotten and clanging with every step she took. She walked, past the last house, walked, past the ring of trees, walked, past everything she knew, walked…
Had any of the villagers been alive, they would have seen, directly above the young girl’s head, a large, semi-transparent eagle, soaring high above the land, book clutched in its black talons.
And here's your DP- Where should she walk to? What to do? Her entire family and past life is gone...
Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for waiting!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:40 am Post subject: |
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well, assuming she knows where her uncle is exactly, I'd say go to him.
not much else she can do is there?
Nice Chappy, despite the wait.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
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BlackAmaranth
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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Ha...his name is Myrrir  *ahem* sorry, I know this is a serious chapter, I just found that amusing. Anyway. I agree with DMW, there's not much else to do right now besides find her uncle...assuming he's still alive, of course. Then maybe the Phantom can tell her where to go from there, or she could keep reading Esther's journal to figure out what's going on...
_________________
"Well, here I am...in the towers of an insane asylum...wearing a straitjacket...talking to myself..."
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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I apoligize for the rather bad DP this time... isn't really much to suggest, I know.
Still, if there are any random suggestions or ideas, they are all appreciated!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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zahark
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| Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 4:49 am Post subject: |
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yay it lives!
nice chapy
and she really only has two options or so.....
see what the journal says and follow that or go to her uncle.
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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Poll is up!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Scheherazade
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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Missed the time to suggest things... school eats all free time.
I'd say she goes to the house to read and talk to Myrrir, as that's the only safe place she knows. Also probably the only shelter within a day or two's walk. She can at least go there while the shock wears off, maybe sit for a day or so in a daze.
another thought... does she even know her uncle at all? or where in this city he lives? or even where the city is? methinks it's possibly a rather large journey to take with no planning or provisions...
_________________
You are the music while the music lasts
- T.S.Elliot
Here is Scheherazade
by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov
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| What to do? |
| Go find the uncle |
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40% |
[ 2 ] |
| Talk to Myrrir |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
| Read the journal for other possible options |
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40% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 5 |
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