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Chinaren
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 Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:55 am Post subject: Give Me! Final Part - Betrayal. |
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***Achtung!!!! Warning! Danger Will Robinson!! This SGame, as many of my regular readers may know by now, contains bad stuff, naughty words, disgraceful content, vulgar ideas and... Oh, I have to go and lay down... ***
Taking a leaf out of Thunderbird's tree, I've decided to do this as a multi-site Storygame.
Thus, I present a Speed SGame* by Chinaren...
This will be writted on TomeCity and IF, and the results merged, mixed, stewed and, well, whatever.
*TM
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Last edited by Chinaren on Tue Feb 23, 2010 4:48 am; edited 34 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:57 am Post subject: |
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Ron Biggers moaned and put his hand to his head. There seemed to be a tiny man inside his skull going mad with a hammer.
“Ow,” he said. “Bugger.”
The head wasn’t the only thing wrong though. He appeared to be sitting up on something hard and uncomfortable. The rest of his body had also noticed he’d gained consciousness, and was talking about taking some kind of legal action for abuse. In the meantime it ached.
“What the hell?” He opened his eyes, wincing at the light that streamed in, apparently agitating the man inside his head, which redoubled the pounding.
Groaning, Ron sat upright and rubbed at his eyes, blinking rapidly as he looked around.
“Where the hell am I?” he muttered.
Apparently he was in some kind of launderette. Large, sickly colored, yellow washing machines lined the wall in front of him. The one directly opposite seemed to be the only one in use. He could vaguely make out a set of pink clothes tumbling about within.
“What the fuck?” He winced as he stood up, making a face of anguish as his back protested by spasming violently.
Leaning on the hard plastic chair he’d been asleep in, he tried to recall how he’d got there. There was nothing. The last thing he remembered was having a beer in the Old Grouse bar with Trevor. After that it was just blank.
“What the hell was in that beer?” he muttered. He slumped back in the chair, and only then noticed he was wearing an unfamiliar suit made of some kind of revolting light blue material. Further investigation revealed he was also wearing a ludicrous pink silken shirt. His shoes were a horribly out of date patent leather design that exposed white nylon socks.
“I’m the king of tack,” he lamented.
The machine in front of him suddenly stopped, rolling to a halt with a dull thud. The sudden lack of noise from it allowed other noises to filter in. The hum of traffic, interspersed with the honk of the occasional car horn. Some kind of megaphone amplified voice shouted something that he couldn’t catch. He frowned. Sundersfield wasn’t that busy, what the hell was going on?
Peering over to his right he tried to catch a glimpse out of the front of the shop, past a fat Asian looking woman sitting several chairs down, busy prodding away at her phone. All he could make out was people walking past.
“What?” Ron realized the woman was speaking.
She pointed at the washing machine in front of him.
“Wan la,” she repeated.
Ron pulled a face. Bloody foreigners, they could at least learn the language if they were going to live here. He shook his head. “It’s not mine.”
“Ni de,” she jabbed a fat finger again. “Wan la, que yi dian.”
“Jesus.” Shaking his head, he stood slowly and creakily up and fumbled with the latch on the device. The instructions seemed to be in Japanese or something, but he figured it out in the end, just as several other woman, busy chatting amongst themselves, entered the shop.
He swung the door open, and a short bald man, wearing a very unattractive, although clean, tracksuit fell out onto the floor.
The women screamed.
>>>>>>
So, what the heck? What does Ron do now?
<<<<<<
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:37 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm intriguing - good to see you back storygaming, Chinaren 
You're trademarking 'Speed'? I'm pretty sure Key already has Storygame covered.
Could you add a quick warning to the top - there is a small amount of swearing involved in there.
Loved the outfit he's wearing - made me smirk. A little man fallen out the washing machine, now that can't be good. I suppose we should check if he's alive. If not, back away slowly, and get the hell out of there. We need to find out where we are... clearly somewhere more city like that before - judging by the woman speaking and the instructions on the machine - in Japan.
Good stuff,
Happy Writing
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:43 am Post subject: |
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Woops, I forgot about the warning needed here.  Duly added.
Actually, I doubt Storygame is registered, there's quite a lot of stuff out there by that name. In any case, mmm, ~rushes off to the trademark office~
Japan... nearly right.
{edit} Oh, and I haven't stopped writing tales! Just not so much on IF anymore. I thought it would be nice to visit the old place though. It's quaint.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 12:37 am Post subject: |
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K, so we have two get out of theres! Cool.
I forgot to mention, random ideas for this story can be given in this thread.
I'll not be putting a poll up for this one, being a Speed story.
I'm aiming for the next part today or tomorrow (China time), though I've been a bit derailed this weekend due to outside influences.
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:57 am Post subject: |
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I'm sure Tome is getting as many links to IF, as we're getting to Tome. 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:15 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | I'm sure Tome is getting as many links to IF, as we're getting to Tome. |
Probably about the same, though the suggestions thread is only on Tome for this one. (I only decided to post this on IF at the last moment).
Of course, you are always welcome to post Trade Windows up on Tome as a dual story too! 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:03 am Post subject: |
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“Holy shit!” Ron leaped backwards as the freshly cleaned man lay tumbled onto the floor, where he lay, water slowly oozing out of his clothes.
Ignoring the screams of the women near the door for the moment, he knelt down and put two fingers on the neck of the stranger. Nothing. Of course, that could just mean he was doing it wrong, all he was going on here was several episodes of a TV show he’d watched recently, which hardly qualified him to work in the medical profession. Still, it was pretty likely being bounced around inside a launderette machine was going to have some fairly serious consequences.
He frowned. The man seemed familiar somehow.
His examination was cut short by a sharp jabbing to the shoulder, which turned out to be an umbrella wielded by one of the women that had recently entered. She poked him again and screamed away at him in some strange language, though from her expression it was easy to deduce that he was being blamed for the murder.
Murder! Ron jerked upright, avoiding another jab from the brolly.
“Hey listen!” he turned to face his accusers. There were three in the group, all middle aged ladies from their appearance. He couldn’t help noticing they were all Asian, and none of them were speaking, actually shouting, English.
“I don’t know this man!” He pointed at the body. “Me no know! You understand? Me not kill!” He made a stabbing gesture with his hand which, in hindsight, was probably not very calming.
The women shrieked again, the sound making Ron wince. Two of them pulled out phones and started dialing.
“Fuck this!” Ron quickly decided on a strategic withdrawal. Even though he was certain he was innocent, the whole thing would look better with some distance between him and it. Pushing the umbrella fiend out of his way he barged his way through the coven of evil and made his way towards the door.
And promptly tripped over the extended foot of the woman who’d spoken to him earlier. He twisted round to glare at her. She was still sitting in her seat, phone in hand, though now she had an evil grin on her face which widened, showing dark brown teeth as she hissed out several words in perfect English:
“Where is it?”
“Where’s what?” Ron gasped, scrabbling to his feet. The whole thing had taken no more than about five seconds, but already the three women were bearing down on him, umbrellas leveled like lances on medieval knights. He didn’t wait for an answer, but fled, smashing the door open and flying out into a busy street.
Several bodies bounced of him as he barged into the crowd of pedestrians. He ignored the angry shouts and pummeled his way through the people.
“Where the hell am I?” he gasped to himself, nearly getting run over by an old man on a three wheeled bike, who was pedaling along the sidewalk despite the mass of population already inhabiting it.
Panting hard, he slowed his pace a little. The shouts had died behind him, and the number of people worked in his favor, masking him from his pursuers, if there were any.
Slowly details began to impinge upon his consciousness. A large blue bus, packed to the gills with people, narrowly missed him, some kind of inbuilt megaphone chastising him as it did so. The buildings rising above were tall and modern, with signs in either Chinese or Japanese, he wasn’t sure which. Indeed, all the people passing by were Asian. And there were a lot of them.
“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore Toto,” Ron said to himself, pulling his horrible suit jacket about his body. Another point made itself apparent. It was cold.
Before he could work on this further, sirens made themselves heard over the noise of the crowd and traffic. He wasn’t sure if they were cop sirens, but the chance wasn’t something he wished to take.
“Time to make myself more scarce,” he said. Tucking his hands in his pockets, he marched into the crowd, head down whilst taking surreptitious glances form left to right, trying to adapt to his strange surroundings. Behind him he thought he heard shouts, but he couldn’t be sure.
Speeding up, he took a left turn, onto a smaller but still crowded street. The shops here were smaller too, but they were still just as alien. He moved on, dodging the people meandering about in front of him and crossed a street, where he was nearly run down by a large black Lexus, which had ignored the crossing sign.
“Jesus, these people are mad,” he muttered, skipping forward to avoid being mowed down by an electric bike driven by an old man. A small child was sitting in a custom seat behind the driver. The kid gave him a strange look as the bike went by.
The sound of sirens filled his ears again, and he quickened his pace, finally finding a small side alley which didn’t seem to be so busy, he ducked down into it.
Working his way past several large metal containers that smelled of something disgusting, he crouched down behind a large wooden crate. The sirens grew louder, and then started to fade, only to be replaced by shouts and the sound of people running.
“Damn it!” Ron swore, crunching down as much as possible behind the box.
“He’s down there!” he heard a man shout, followed by something in another language.
Two seconds later another man’s voice shouted something. It sounded short and to the point, and it didn’t take much imagination to translate it to: ‘Freeze!’
Ron weighed up the options, and risked a quick peek out from his hiding place. What he saw didn’t make him any happier. A group of men in what were undoubtedly police uniforms were making their way down the alley. The lead two had handguns, which darted back and forth as they advanced.
“Give it up!” Behind the police a shorter form in totally different garb stood and shouted out in English. Ron frowned and risked another peek out, which was a mistake.
The lead police officer, a tall wiry man, jumped on him and efficiently kneed him in the stomach.
Ron went down as the rest of the squad piled on, none to gently. He was kicked and punched in the ribs, and his face was forced onto the ground, which was none to clean.
The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was a familiar looking short bald man in a pink track suit beaming down at him.
~
For the second time Ron woke up aching all over and sitting on something uncomfortable.
“For the love of god,” he moaned, and opened his eyes.
He was lying on the floor, the cold hard floor, of a small room which bore every resemblance to a prison of some kind. The lack of windows, the single wooden table in the center with two plain chairs at opposite sides, the plain concrete walls with no decoration, and the sturdy looking metal door with small grill inset all added to the general ambience.
Clutching at his ribs, which seemed to creak, he coughed roughly and sat, painfully, upright, dragging himself backwards so he finally sat with his back to the freezing wall.
Looking down he saw his horrible blue suit was now a horrible, dirty, torn blue suit. The pink shirt was surprisingly clean though.
“Just my luck,” Ron coughed, spat blood and felt at his teeth. Several wobbled. “Fucking pigs,” he moaned.
Only then did he noticed that around one ankle was a thin cord. He followed the snaking lead along its length, to find it terminated in a house brick shaped stone which, for reasons unknown, had been painted silver. The cord had been threaded through a hole that had been drilled through the middle.
His contemplation was interrupted by loud clanging sounds from the door, which duly creaked open. A figure stepped into the cell and looked at him.
>>>>>>
Short and to the point then. Still better something than nothing eh?
So, the obvious Suggestion Phase question is: Who’s the figure? (And what do they want???)
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:14 am Post subject: |
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Chinaren, we meet again.
Well obviously, the figure is a skeleton, wearing an elaborately decorated top hat with a big RED bow!
Just kidding! Well, I think that the figure should be a completly new character. Somebody who is there to help him. After all, there is obviously some kind of conspiracy against him (either that or he is having a really weird, disturbing dream!), and he's not going to find much out stuck in a cell, is he? He'll need to escape.
A more boring idea to my first, but fits in much better with the story. Enjoying it so far! 
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Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Tikanorazon wrote: | | Chinaren, we meet again. |
Ah, indeed my old adversary. Once more our paths cross, so you have evaded my minions. Still, now you come up against the master. Mwahahahhaha! ~chokes on evil laugh and has a coughing fit~ Bah, you win this round, but I'll be back!! ~Shakes fist~
| Tikarazon wrote: |
Well, I think that the figure should be a completly new character. Somebody who is there to help him. After all, there is obviously some kind of conspiracy against him (either that or he is having a really weird, disturbing dream!), and he's not going to find much out stuck in a cell, is he? He'll need to escape. |
Nice one Tika! Have you been peeking at my notes? Any thoughts on the description of this possibly benfactor? Tall man, dark glasses etc?
| Tikanninniaciacorazonon wrote: |
A more boring idea to my first, but fits in much better with the story. Enjoying it so far! |
Thank-you! It's not boring oh no. And thank you for the suggestion!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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 My pleasure! I do my best to please!
As for the description, mabye a tall person (man or woman), who wears a long coat with the collar pulled up around their face, dark glasses and a hat, and doesn't say much. Completely disguised, so that they can go undetected throughout the story, and unveil themselves later. That way they could be good guys, who actually want to help him, or bad guys, who want to use him for their own means. Depends on the direction of the story and also how much mystery you want to impart into it, I guess.
Till we meet again, Chinaren!
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Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:08 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | he barged his way through the coven of evil |
*giggles* A fun chapter, C'ren.
I'm not a fan of choosing what happens next unless it involves golden chamber pots. I'll leave that to others.
But good reading.
Happy Writing
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:50 am Post subject: |
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No probs Smee, glad you giggled.
| TikaCo wrote: |
As for the description, mabye a tall person (man or woman), who wears a long coat with the collar pulled up around their face, dark glasses and a hat, and doesn't say much. Completely disguised, so that they can go undetected throughout the story, and unveil themselves later. That way they could be good guys, who actually want to help him, or bad guys, who want to use him for their own means.
|
Nice idea there Tikaco!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 8:51 am Post subject: |
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Well, he's been given two items by the benevolent guy, one is a card for someone to go to, once he's got out of there, and another as yet unknown object.
Bit of a coincidence that the army dudes slammed his head into a table asking 'Where is it?'
So I am going for the bleedin' obvious, and that is the benevolent guy gave him the very item that the army dude wants - thus securing his release. Oh well, it's a gamble, isn't it?  As to what the actual item is, well that's for someone else to decide. Unless it is Smee's golden chamber pot.
As an aside, what happens if you receive suggestions that oppose each other, especially if they're being collected from two sites, since you're not doing polls? How will the decision be made?
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:16 am Post subject: |
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Back again, Chinaren,
Okay, my idea is based on him being in Japan, though you haven't actually confirmed where he is.
The japanese are known for their compact technology. So the mystery man/woman could have given him a very small case containing different things that he might need, such as a tool to cut through the cord around his ankle and mabye some miniature smoke bombs, to aid his escape. Thats all I've got at the moment.
Till we meet again. 
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:36 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm. I think the business card directs him to someone who has "it" or knows more about "it". I think the item he was given was, perhaps, a pill that will make him appear temporarily dead, thereby causing the mafia-esque folks to dump him somewhere, and allowing his escape?
whadyathink?
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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I actually found this last chapter very funny ( sorry i guess swearing and beat downs are funny to me... ahem!) I think the item that he was handed is a receiver for an item that has a tracking device on it and the only way to get out is to co operate with the guys that just beat the hell out of him weather he wants or not ( that's if he wants to survive)
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Crunchyfrog wrote: |
As an aside, what happens if you receive suggestions that oppose each other, especially if they're being collected from two sites, since you're not doing polls? How will the decision be made? |
If I get enough suggestions that I like, but can't be 'mixed' in, I'll do a poll on both sites. However, as it's a speed story, there's usually not really enough time to poll so I just stick in as many ideas as I can, or choose one I like the best!
Some ideas may appear further down the line.
So, good ideas here guys, from Tome and IF together we have:
So I am going for the bleedin' obvious, and that is the benevolent guy gave him the very item that the army dude wants - thus securing his release
I think the item that he was handed is a receiver for an item that has a tracking device on it and the only way to get out is to co operate with the guys that just beat the hell out of him weather he wants or not ( that's if he wants to survive)
So the mystery man/woman could have given him a very small case containing different things that he might need, such as a tool to cut through the cord around his ankle and mabye some miniature smoke bombs, to aid his escape.
I think the item he was given was, perhaps, a pill that will make him appear temporarily dead, thereby causing the mafia-esque folks to dump him somewhere, and allowing his escape
A small box, containing a smaller weapon of some sort. Something really futuristic or hi-tech, but he can't use it dues to lack of batteries
A voice recorder.
He thinks up someway to bribe the guard at his door but it turns out he has to come with him as a result. The guard isn't the brightest crayon in the box either.
...I may have to put up a poll for this one after all!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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You forget Ren old pal that you have IF and Tome to deal with and us on IF even though we are few and are not on very often aren't too shabby when it comes to coming up with ideas
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| Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 5:41 am Post subject: |
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With the 'temporarily dead idea', what if they didn't dump him somewhere. They might bury him. Then he's dead for real (though you might break the record for the speediest speed game if that was the case!). 
Though, I suppose if your desperate enough you might risk it anyway.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:59 am Post subject: |
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I think that he should go to the town/city. There is bound to be an internet cafe there, at the very least a payphone. Then he might be able to contact this Mcphoney character.
Also, I don't have the slightest clue as to how much a fifty renminbi note is worth, but mabye, if it is worth enough, he might be able to buy himself some essentials, such as food, drink, possibly some decent clothes, and a hotel room (or something like it) so that he can bathe. But then, like I said, I don't know what it is worth. It could be worth bugger all.
By the way, great chapter, Chinaren! 
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:33 am Post subject: |
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Looks good Ren just make sure to post a warning for the language please
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:08 am Post subject: |
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Todays installment will probably not make it, as I'm a bit unwell. Hopefully tomorrow.
@Kang: There's a great big red warning at the top. 
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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Still not back?
Hope your not too ill C-ren. Get well soon.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks guys. I'm still not 100%, but the next chapter is 67% done, so hopefully will get it up* today.
*Not like that you dirty pervert. Although...
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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not a 100% but the chappy is 67% done does that mean your only 83% all there
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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oooh Very nice Ren you've taken a SG and made it in to a sub RP which takes some talent as for questions i would want to know what the heck happened and why Ron is there and what he supposed to do to reclaim what he has lost
As for what McPhony looks like he could be half american half chinese possibly in his mid 40's body showing some considerable wear but not so much that his skin is falling off of him and has a sense of intellect but acts half dumb at times
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| Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:16 am Post subject: |
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Welcome back C-Ren!
Great chapter. Well, of course Ron will have to ask the obvious, why is he there, how did he get there, what is the 'it' that everyone keeps demanding from him, e.c.t.
And if I was Ron, my priority would be to try and get back home, but if that happened here, there would be no story. Unless he tried to get home and was prevented from doing so, and would probably then find out everything then anyway.
I was thinking about the long term story the other night. Why do these people think that he has something. I thought that mabye he could have amnesia of some kind, and that throughout the story, he starts to remember things. The last memory he has of being in the pub/bar with his friend could have happened years ago (you can tell I'm dying to write my own story on here, right).
As for Mcphoney, I think he should be an aging chinese man, not particularly tall or well built, with thinning hair. Chinese people tend to stay pretty fit, well into old age, so he could still be useful if required to fight. But being an older, not particularly strong looking man would be better cover for himself. I mean, lets face it, Mc-'PHONEY'. It's gotta be fake, right?  But I could be wrong.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:02 am Post subject: |
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Oh, I forgot to say on my last post.
*down on her knees begging*
Please, please, please, please, please don't have anything happen to the dog in the story. Violence against any humans I can stand, but not animals, especially dogs. 
*composes herself*
Later alligator!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | Oh, I forgot to say on my last post.
*down on her knees begging*
Please, please, please, please, please don't have anything happen to the dog in the story. Violence against any humans I can stand, but not animals, especially dogs.
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Oh. Oh dear. That poor poor dog. Mwa. Mwaha. MWahahahahahahaha!
So far, for old Phoney we have, from Tome and IF:
Mr. Phoney is a fair-featured man. A little too fair-featured, in fact. Borderline androgynous, even. He's wearing a well-kept suit, despite the dust around him, and a top hat is set slightly off-center on his head, a cane in his hand that he continues to switch from one hand to the other, but without seeming to move it.
I'd say McPhoney looks like an old englishman, with a pipe hanging out of his mouth where two teeth are missing... just enough room for the pipe to rest. He has a foxy gleam in his eye and wild tufts of white hair jutting out from under a safari hat. Lets not forget the brown shorts that openly display his knobby knees.
As for Mcphoney, I think he should be an aging chinese man, not particularly tall or well built, with thinning hair. Chinese people tend to stay pretty fit, well into old age, so he could still be useful if required to fight. But being an older, not particularly strong looking man would be better cover for himself. I mean, lets face it, Mc-'PHONEY'. It's gotta be fake, right?
...I think I could probably merge all of these in some twisted fashion!
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| Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:53 am Post subject: |
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You are so evil!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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| Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:13 am Post subject: |
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don't put it past him he would make it work some how
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 5:18 am Post subject: |
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*Okay, stay calm for now, the dog is fine. Composes self.*
Great chapter C-Ren! I think that the package should contain a selection of items, which though they might not seem particularly exciting in themselves, could take the story in a variety of directions. There should be a house key, and a drivers licence or something, so that he knows his address. Going to the place where he lives should bring back some memories. Also a key to a warehouse or storage facility, which could give him and the reader some insight as to who he actually is, or was, and what he does for a living. One gets the feeling, that he is probably not going to be a very nice person.
Well that's all I've got for now. Later C-Ren!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 5:37 am Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | *Okay, stay calm for now, the dog is fine. Composes self.*
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Yes indeed. The keywords here are 'for now'. Mwahahahahahaha!
And thanks for the ideas Tikki!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 5:42 am Post subject: |
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Your welcome!
(But you're still evil!)
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:41 am Post subject: |
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Okay, from IF and Tome I'm going to use these three ideas...
A feminine pleasure toy.
A water gun posing as a real one?
A key to a Warehouse.
Next chapter should be up either today or, more likely, tomorrow. (China time).
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| Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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Yet another great chapter C-Ren!
This is a tough DP. I can only say what I would do in that situation. Though I would be scared, curiousity would prompt me to find out more rather than fleeing. But I wouldn't go straight to the warehouse. I think I would go for a bite to eat, at a local cafe/resurant, to think things through.
If Ron does this, especially at a local place, there is also a chance that he may come across somebody who knew him before he lost his memory. Somebody who could give him more information on who he was, where he lives ect. I think that only a complete fool, would go and check something out without knowing what it was that he was checking out.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:18 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, and leave you behind instead of the dog!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:31 am Post subject: |
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I've just been to the dentist, and am in too much trauma from the pain to write another tonight, so there's another day to get your ideas in!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 5:50 am Post subject: |
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My god, what the hell is it?! The chinese want it, the russians want it!
I think that Ron still needs to know more. Mabye he should tell this Natasha, that he will meet her somewhere later to give his answer, buy him some time. Then he can either use that time to find out more, and then keep his promise to meet up. Or he could use the time to scarper! Really he needs to find someone that's on his side, to give him the info he needs.
Also I have an idea of what could happen later in the SG, which you may well have thought of yourself. You wrote in chapter 7 that the dog was chewing the...dildo *a lady should not have to stoop so low as to say something like that!*...and the plastic that it was made from was really tough, too tough for the dogs teeth to get through. The water pistol is made from that same plastic. What if they are made to be indestructable, because each of them contain parts of something important. Mabye it.
Another great chapter, by the way.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 6:02 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Tikki, and you'll find out later what 'it' is.
Also, I've just had a great idea for this story! Oooh! ~rubs hands together~
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| Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 6:43 am Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | | dildo *a lady should not have to stoop so low as to say something like that!* |
Device? (certain adjectives optional)
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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Any other ideas for this? I'm busy tonight, but hopefully something will fall out of me for this tomorrow. I've refined the background plot a bit recently too, and there are some surprises* in store!
*At least I hope they surprise you.
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| Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Well, it seems the only thing to do, is to go to Charley's Circus to check it out. But Ron should try to keep a low profile, and remain unnoticed. There may well be enemies hanging around. At the moment that's all I've got. Bit crap at the moment, as I'm stating the bleeding obvious, but if I come up with something more, I'll let you know.
Another great edition to the story C-Ren!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Tikki!
Some possible options for now:
Bearing in mind it's evening, should he go to the circus now, make his way to the mysterious complex (as mentioned before), or find somewhere to rest for the night?
Or something else?
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| Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:50 am Post subject: |
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Well, he's slept and bathed already, so I think he should get the hell outta there!
As for the body, leaving it in the room is probably not a good idea, as the receptionist at the hotel will be able to describe what Ron looks like to anyone who may come a-callin'. If Rons room happened to face out into the alley, he could chuck the body out of the window, and then deal with it once he's outside, hide it in a dumpster or something, so that it can't directly be connected to him.
Another great chapter C-Ren!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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Oooh, I like the throw the body out of the window idea!
I'm hoping to work on this later today, but there's a dentist appointment somewhere in my near future too...
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:47 am Post subject: |
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I don't think that Ron should go snooping around while the place is quiet. That's just asking for it surely. He should wait for the next show. And I don't know about new characters (though I will think about it and get back to you if I think of anything), but I think that this could be a good place for the mysterious stranger from the prison to make another appearence, to give Ron a little more information (But not too much, don't want to give everything away! )
Yet again, another great edition to the story!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 3:21 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Tik. There have been a couple of good suggestions on Tome too, so I'm kind of itching to get the next chapter out.
Coming soon...
Chapter 13 - Send in the Clowns!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 3:31 am Post subject: |
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Good, good! Hope I don't have to wait too long!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:56 am Post subject: |
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What did I say? Asking for it! Now look what he's got himself into!
Well, if they're expected to kill each other, I'd say shoot Nacho, and then leg it, hopefully not running into the clown guard when he does so. If the plan is to kill each other until there is only two left, then the gun shot might not alert the guard, and Ron might be able to sneak out unscathed. But then where does he go next. If he had just killed the boss, he would be expected to run away, so mabye he could check out Nachos place, as it wouldn't be expected. He's bound to find out something.
And I have to say C-Ren, this was out quicker than I expected! Great chapter, even if the lead character seems to have little or no common sense, seeing as he's prepared to go to a near deserted circus, without even waiting for cover of night. Men, I ask you!
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| Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:16 am Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | | Men, I ask you! |
Lol!
So, any other ideas?
From Tome we have: Starts firing at the enemy.
From IF we have try and take out Nacho and leg it!
I should have some time tomorrow, so I'll try and do the next episode then!
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| Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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The boss, I'd say. From there he might be able to get a clue what it is everyone thinks he has.
This is really getting interesting. I suspected he would have some sort of locked away combat training... heh heh.
(Note to Ren: I figured I'd start posting on both sites because these posts can inspire some conversation and thought... maybe.)
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Zephyrrr! And...  
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| Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 8:42 am Post subject: |
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Sorry C-Ren! I would have replied earlier, but I've been off-line nearly all week (that's changed now, as I've got a brand new Dell, sitting on my lap right at this very moment! ).
I think that Ron has been involved with these guys before, and I think if he chose to guard the boss, he stands a chance of being reconised by him. But to see the boss may also bring back any memories he has of what happened before the incident in the laundry room.
But I'm going to say guard the lab. He might be able to get info from there too. Well, I say might. He will obviously.
Also, I think our Ron is going to turn out to be a bit of a bad boy! He just happens to hit that clown dead centre? I don't think so! Me thinks that Ron knows how to handle a gun. He just doesn't know it! Yet!
Great chapter, once again!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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| Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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Very perceptive there Tikki! Oh, that reminds me, the dog's still alive.
Anyway, we have two votes for the boss on Tome, and one for lab on IF so far. I'll leave this open until later, when I plan to have some bee... er, liquid Insparatium and pull together the chapter that's forming in my noggin'.
As always, thank-you for participating in this story.
Sincerely,
C'ren.
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| Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:44 am Post subject: |
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No sneaking around!  Even Ron can't be that stupid! Stay where he is. Eaves-drop if he must, but stay! He's supposed to be guarding the boss. There is nothing to say that the boss will stay in that room the whole time. If he goes elsewhere, he's going to expect Ron to go with him, to guard him. If Ron is not there to guard him, he's going to be pissed, and there will have been no point taking those stupid risks, because he'll be dead anyway.
Although, mabye that wouldn't be such a bad thing, seeing as he's a horrible man who abandons dogs, apparently, and goes off and has a good time with Sofia the super-tart! Poor little guy, he's probably lay shivering in an alleyway somewhere, wondering what he did that was so wrong, that his master left him. *wipes away a tear*
Bad C-Ren!
But great chapter!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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| Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | No sneaking around!
Although, mabye that wouldn't be such a bad thing, seeing as he's a horrible man who abandons dogs, apparently, and goes off and has a good time with Sofia the super-tart! Poor little guy, he's probably lay shivering in an alleyway somewhere, wondering what he did that was so wrong, that his master left him. *wipes away a tear*
|
Actually, I have a big highlighted note at the top of each chapter in the master document reminding me about the dog! I may have to add a little bit later on. Just assume the dog is having a good time running around and playing with the elephant. For now.
And...
Some good, differing, opinions on the next action here! (Two on TomeCity too). I may even have to put up a poll. Or possibly merge them, 'cos I could do that. Merge them. Mmm...
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| Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah... poor dog! (unless he really IS having fun playing with an elephant... I think MY dog would LOVE playing with an elephant!)
My suggestion was put on Tome initially: | Quote: | | He has an interesting opportunity to get really agressive here. The boss is now no longer guarded by any but himself... I say after some serious self-pep-talk, he grows a pair and enters (after checking to make sure there are actually rounds in the chamber!) and holds the gun to the boss's head, demanding some answers as to what's going on, what the boss wants from him, what the lab is for, and a good reason why he shouldn't blow the guy's head off here and now! (Which I think is what he'd probably intend to do in the end anyhow.) Be ready, then, to make a break for it! |
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 11:56 pm Post subject: |
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Well, it's always possible Ron could remember about the dog while on guard duty. You know that horrible feeling you get when you've suddenly realised something's missing and has been for way too long? It's unbearable. It transcends any other consideration - even that of doing your job and guarding the boss.
Maybe he can slip away to try and find the dog. Gee, I sure hope he doesn't get caught taking time off his duties
Fun story Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 7:25 am Post subject: |
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Thankyou C-Ren! *smiles sweetly*
This one's tricky! On one hand, Sofia is giving Ron a chance to explain himself, so she obviously cares about him a little. On the other, just because they had a major sex-fest the night before, does not mean that she feels anything for him. When you jump into bed with someone, that soon after meeting them, it is just sex. No real feelings. In fact, she's using him, for her own pleasure, so she probably cares even less about him, than Ron thinks.
He should probably just stay calm, and try explaining all to her. It can only go one of two ways. He just needs to be on the alert. She might believe him, and help him out. On the other, she may do her job, and try to kill him. If that happens, just have to hope that some insticts from Rons past return to help him out!
Great chapter, once again!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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I f5 Tika on this one:
Spill all! What choice does he have really? He just might engender some support from her by doing so. And if that doesn't go well... Fido, ATTACK! Then run like hell. (grabbing weapons along the way of course.) Again, another brilliant chapter c'ren!
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| Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:06 am Post subject: |
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Spill all is the easy option. It's probably even the most likely option, but I can't quite get comfortable with it. Sophia and Ron have shared a few horizontal dances, that's true, but I don't think that on its own would be enough to deter her from doing her job and either killing him or turning him in.
There's no denying it's him - unless he wants to invent an evil twin, soap opera style. So he'll have to spin it. Appeal to her finer instincts, greed and fear. He can remind her of the five agents who've already died trying to apprehend him. Five people trained by the same people who are training her now. And then he can say he's out to take over this organisation, and she can be cut in if she wants.
If she doesn't fall for it, he's lost nothing, coz she'd shop him anyhow. If she does fall for it, he has an ally in his search for truth and survival.
Let's just hope she's a dog lover
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| Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:52 am Post subject: |
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I like the cut of your jib Stoatly. Of course I'm drunk and easily pleased, but that doesn'tlessen the... thingy.
Anyhoo, next episode has been (kick) started.
Sheesh, typing is ahrd.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 7:42 am Post subject: |
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I think that Ron should try to slip away from her for five minutes, and call McPhoney. Tell him that he's coming over with a 'guest' and have a gun ready to shoot her when they enter the shop.
As you said before, McPhoney's place is the only place that he is familiar with. She'll start to get suspicious, if he's just leading her randomly to nowhere in particular. And I don't think there's any doubt that she will kill him, if she doesn't get what she wants. Well that's the feeling I get anyway. Perhaps he could distract her, by telling her that 'it' is in a certain place. Her greed might overcome her, and make her careless, giving McPhoney a chance to sneak up on her and...... BANG!
So basically, take her to McPhoneys and get rid of her, is my idea!
Another great chapter C-Ren!
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| Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:22 am Post subject: |
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I've just figured out the rest of the back story!! And your suggestion helped trigger that spark Ticks (along with T's on Tome).
Fingers itching! I think I may have to start on the next chapter!
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| Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:48 am Post subject: |
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Glad to be of help, C-Ren!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:54 am Post subject: |
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Not much to add on this one. F5 Tikki I think. She wants results and we don't have anything concrete to give her. McPhoney will probably help out, if only to keep Ron's account.
With any luck, she'll be number six on the dead list by the time the chapter's out
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| Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:49 am Post subject: |
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Well, I think you can forget about the angry female agent inside. Seeing as she helped him to get there, she's in it up to her neck herself. So she is in just as much danger as Ron, and it would be in her best interests to work with him. Though I still think he should shoot her! What are those vile circus people going to do to the dog now, just to get at him, because she said to leave the dog behind? And Ron's a total push over!
So, there are three of them, including McPhoney, against well over ten of the enemy! If Sofia has multiple weapons strapped to her body, there is a chance that she could have a granade or something like that. Bomb the shorts in the alleyway. That should at least draw some of the Russians to block off an expected escape. So if they tried to escape out the front entrance, they may only have two or three Russians to fight off. Then they could make a quick getaway.
This is a tough one C-Ren! This is all I can come up with, so I hope it helps!
Tough DP, but great chapter!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Good suggestion there Tikki!
Sorry, been out of the writing loop for a few days, hopefully have the next one up later today.
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| Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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I doubt, very much, whether anyone expected you to spend your time writing over christmas C-Ren! I certainly didn't! So, no worries!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 2:38 am Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | | I doubt, very much, whether anyone expected you to spend your time writing over christmas C-Ren! I certainly didn't! So, no worries! |
China doesn't really have Xmas Tikki, so I've nothing much else to do. That said... I'm not there yet, but I'm on the beer bus heading towards drunk town. Looks like the next Give Me chapter may be delayed due to lack of coordination unless I finish it quickly...
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| Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 7:23 am Post subject: |
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Oh, well, if that's the case, it changes everything!
I take it all back!
Get off the beer bus, and write us a chapter C-Ren, you lazy drunkard!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:23 am Post subject: |
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*does a victory dance*
Right, he's lost his memory, she knows that he has lost his memory, so why act any other way? Tell this guy that he can't remember a single thing about all of this, and also, he will have to tell him what he told Sofia, about 'removing his memory'. If he and Ron work together, mabye he will realise Rons predicament, and he will know to keep his mouth shut in front of Sofia.
Ron needs to get a chance to speak to this guy on his own, without Sofia, though I don't know if she will allow this. And she does have all of her weapons back too, so that might turn out to be very tricky. But at least now he has the chance to find out more about what is happening, and what has happened to him.
Great Chapter C-Ren! Glad you decided to get off the beer bus and write it!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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This DP seemed to be the hardest yet, unless lack of sleep over the christmas period is making it hard to focus!
I think that they should try to remain calm. He mentioned the other American woman that he met. She didn't draw any more attention to herself, than was necerssary, so these two probably won't want to either. Try to stay calm, but keep their weapons at the ready. If Ron is the only one who knows where 'it' is, they are not likely to kill him, in my opinion. Then just try and get away from them as soon as possible.
Also, Sofia was wrong. Brandon said that 'The Eraser' was at the office six months previous, but that doesn't mean that it is there now. So it is possible that it could be somewhere else. Possibly at the circus, though where I don't know.
And is this 'mysterious ally' the same one from the prison, or are we not supposed to know?
Great chapter!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 12:55 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Tikki!
Yes, the mysterious figure is the same one that's popped up a few times already. Who could it be? What is his/her motive?
Seems like taking it easy and remaining calm is the way to go, from yours here and the couple on Tome.
Thus I believe I shall commence drinkin... er, writing in a couple of hours!
WooOoOoOoo!
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| Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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I'm thinking that this guy did not write the message himself. I think that this might be a clue that Ron has left for himself.
The guy is dressed in army clothing, so mabye he is ex military. The message could be co-ordinates, for the location of something (another clue, It, whatever!), and mabye if they search around a bit more, they might discover the significance of this person. Mabye an old army base, or something, a place that he is associated with, and the coordinates are to be used there.
The chapter doesn't come across badly at all, C-Ren! Great to read, as always!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry the next chapter hasn't been forthcoming. The last few days I've been involuntarily distracted.
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| Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:29 am Post subject: |
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Been keeping up with the chapters on this one, but didn't have nearly enough time over Christmas to respond. That's all over now though, and I can put my itty bitty brain to use again.
Okay, if Ron and Sophia just plain follow the directions, all sorts of brown sticky stuff is going to hit the fan. I don't see how they could infiltrate a Chinese army base with just the two of them and what they're standing up in.
How about going back to the circus and leaking some sort of information about the base, to the people running things back there? That way, they can get sent in as part of a larger, organised task force. Then, when the item is under their control again, they can double-cross the rest of the team and work out how best to profit from what they have.
That is, unless the circus and the Chinese Army Base are already linked - but I don't think they'd be after Ron so hard if they already had this mysterious prize of his.
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| Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:12 am Post subject: |
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I was thinking along the same lines as Stoaty.
Too hard, and dangerous, to get into the base themselves, so get someone else to go for them. I just couldn't think who, but, yeah, the circus is good. But rather than go along with the rest of them, I think that Ron and Sofia should follow alone, and use the other group as a distraction, to get themselves into the base. More likely to not get themselves killed that way.
You talk about the writing being harder towards the end of a story, the DPs are too!
Another great chapter!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:49 am Post subject: |
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As an afterthought, if they go back to the circus, and if he's still alright, they can get the dog, and at least take him somewhere safe, rather than leaving him with a bunch of psychotic clowns!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:56 am Post subject: |
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Good ideas guys! Apart from that stupid dog of course. I'm still trying to figure out a way to do away with it in the most violent, gruesome way possible.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 5:05 am Post subject: |
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If you want! Break the dog's jaw, by grabbing the lower jaw and the upper jaw and then snap, you've got a dead dog with brain damage... Plus It's not funny! Cause I really did hear dog's outside my window, and people the next day saying something someone with the name, "chinarenn." I was like. Please kill me!!!
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| Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 3:48 am Post subject: |
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Well, I guess that there isn't much chance that he hasn't been seen, if he's looking straight into the midgets face. Anything that he does is going to draw attention to himself, so the best thing to do is to shut the midget up, and hope for the best. Mabye he could make it look like his machine gun accidentally went off!
Although, you could have it that Sofia got there first and the midget is already dead. You never said he came face to face with a live midget!
Great Chapter, once again!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: |
Although, you could have it that Sofia got there first and the midget is already dead. You never said he came face to face with a live midget!
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lol! Nice idea there Tikks!
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| Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 5:47 am Post subject: |
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I F5 Tikki on this one. Have a convenient accident to shut the midget up, if the midget hasn't been shut up by Sophia already.
The only thing I could add is that maybe he could start a wholesale brawl among the circus folk. Then, when things are violent and chaotic, he can take the midget out without it being obvious it was him that did it.
Good story. The DPs are really testing us out
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| Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | maybe he could start a wholesale brawl among the circus folk. |
OMG, so many good ideas! Thanks Stoat!
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| Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:52 am Post subject: |
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Mabye Sofia could make a convinient entrance at this point, and she could kill Nacho, seeing as Nacho has a gun basically pointed at Ron, making it harder for him to do so himself!
The glowing blue thing is obviously important, so they need to know what it is. As they are on limited time, just grab the object and get out of there! They can try and find out what it is later. I would say let the two trapped person out first, but they may oppose him, in taking it, if he does.
Great Chapter!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 3:36 am Post subject: |
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Aha! I've suddenly been delivered with the next chapter! Starting on it now, and thanks for the input all!
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| Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:40 am Post subject: |
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So, Sophia's out of the picture and there doesn't seem to be a mysterious figure around to help him out of this one. Ron's going to have to rely on himself for a change.
Or is he? There's one ally that's been staunch and true, that's stood by him through everything, not judging, not questioning, always faithful and loyal to the last.
I reckon the dog suddenly makes an appearance again, causing a commotion with the elephant. Ron has the excuse he needs to go and deal with the situation and keep out of the boss's way. Cheery probably won't fight it, because it means he gets the credit for snagging the prize, and he doesn't have to share the glory with Ron.
Yeah, so the prize will be with the boss, instead of in his and Sophia's hands like he hoped - but at least it's within arm's reach now, and with some planning he might be able to mount some sort of operation to sneak it out of there again. First things first though - keep out of sight of the boss for now.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:15 am Post subject: |
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The boss could not be in there when they go in. He disappeared from the lab earlier, so he could have done the same now. Then mabye Ron might be able to slip off, while they're waiting for him to come back. He's probably going to have to forget about Sofia, for now, but he could always come back for her later, that is if he wants to!
But, saying that, I really like Stoats idea! As long as the dog is okay!
Great chapter!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:32 am Post subject: |
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lol! I have to say Stoat, that idea has tickled my fancy! And if the dog is stepped on by the elephant at some point... hehe.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:18 am Post subject: |
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*Glares at C-Ren* The dog and the elephant! Are you trying to get rid of me? And where is the 'injured' dog? Not bleeding to death, in agonising pain, I hope?
Okay, DP time! Seeing as 'massage' was mentioned just beforehand, and Sofia is, of course, the super-tart, I think that she will seduce the boss, and possibly use that time to kill him, while Ron is sent to get 'it', if the blue-glowy thing is the 'it', of course, and possibly kill a few others while he's at it (especially the ones that shot that poor innocent dog, and the elephant!). Then they make another quick getaway, to the vets!
Although, Sofia does have a great, bloody gash across her stomach, so would the boss want her? Though. it doesn't seem to matter to Ron!
Great chapter, apart from the horrific violence against the animals!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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I've not done with that bloody dog yet Tiks! Hehe.
Thanks for the idea, seems that using Sophia as a 'distraction' is the choice of er, choice.
Any other ideas get em in fast, I hope to write another one later on, though this depends on how drunk I am, with it being Friday and all.
Woooo!
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| Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:54 am Post subject: |
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Time for some fast bluffing methinks. He hasn't got much of a chance in a direct confrontation with any of the creatures. Even if he gets the better of, say, a pool full of sharks, there'll be goons waiting to make the odds impossible for him as he crawls out of the water.
So, he needs to give the impression that it's fine if they kill him, but please please please DON'T kill Sophia, she's just a stupid innocent kid that you dragged into this whole mess and he couldn't bear for anything to happen to her.
Typical villain? He'll love torturing Ron with the visuals of Sophia going first. That way there are two of them against the bad guys. Sophia actually stands a chance of fighting her way through the tiger enclosure and, even if she doesn't, the ringmaster's minions will possibly be distracted enough that Ron can grab his chance (or one of their guns) while the show is on.
As for what animal they throw Sophia to, I don't think it matters. She's meaner than the lot of em put together But if you want ideas, I'd say bears. They've got the brute strength, the agility, the size and the squeeze to make it into an interesting spectacle 
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| Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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Ooo! Yeah, that sounds interesting! Sofia, torn to pieces by bears! I second that! Good one Stoat!
I don't think that the ringmaster would be so distracted by that, that he would allow Ron to get away though. I'd say mabye they don't lock the cage/enclosure door properly and the bear/s manage to escape. Enraged bears = many dead psychopathic, dog-killing clowns! Then he might stand a chance of getting away.
Great chapter, C-Ren!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | Ooo! Yeah, that sounds interesting! Sofia, torn to pieces by bears! I second that! Good one Stoat!
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I'm shocked and appalled by the violent suggestions!
Hehe. Nice one guys, I think we can do something with this oh yes! Mwaahaha. And of course, if one of those escaped bears happens to chance upon a bleeding dog... well, dog food could be used in a different way.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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Bears I like the sound of. They are, after all, the toughest beasts alive...apparently.
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Chinaren
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:42 am Post subject: |
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What...what happened to the tearing, and the ripping, and the slashing to pieces of Sofia? I was looking foward to that!
And poor bears! And poor dog! Where is he?
I think that, for now, Ron should go along with Cheery. He got him out of this mess (in a rather brutal fashion, but he's out of it all the same!), and he needs to know who this Sara is anyway. And what did he do to fall out with her and the other agents? Something else that he needs to find out. And Cheery has just told him that they may be able to reverse his memory loss.
I say, go along with it, get his memory back, then he should have a better idea of whether he should give them 'it' or not. And Sofia dies before getting medical attention! (hee!hee!) As for 'it', I have no idea! Surprise me! The blue glowy-thingy sounds like some kind of power source. That's what I thought anyway when it was first mentioned.
And *puts on a dangerously calm voice*find the dog, and get him to a vet!
Great chapter C-Ren! And 'Walk in the Dark' was very good too! Very spooky! Right up my alley!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:31 am Post subject: |
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| Tikora wrote: | What...what happened to the tearing, and the ripping, and the slashing to pieces of Sofia? I was looking foward to that!
And Sofia dies before getting medical attention! (hee!hee!) |
You're a cruel and heartless person Tikki.
| Tikko wrote: |
As for 'it', I have no idea! Surprise me! The blue glowy-thingy sounds like some kind of power source. That's what I thought anyway when it was first mentioned. |
Oh, I know what 'It' is! And power source! Nicely deducted!
| TiCon wrote: |
And *puts on a dangerously calm voice*find the dog, and get him to a vet! |
Oh, I'm sure I'll find something to do with the dog. Oh yes. Mwah. Mwahaa. Mwahahahahahahahah! Etc.
| Tikanni Corazon wrote: |
Great chapter C-Ren! And 'Walk in the Dark' was very good too! Very spooky! Right up my alley! |
Merci! 
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Chinaren
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 10:18 am Post subject: |
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There further into this story we go, the more I have a feeling, that Ron may not be the good guy in all of this. But I do stress, may not.
I think he should feign unconsiousness, see what happens. And when he 'wakes up', he should pretend that his memory is still erased, and the machine has made no difference. I hope his memories continue to slowly filter back into his mind, drawing it out, rather than everything returning to him all at once.
Hey, maybe they could torture Sofia, to try and get some information out of him.
And, still, that poor little dog is slowly bleeding to death, somewhere in that bloody circus! Shame on you, C-Ren!
But great chapter all the same! Lots more info to work with!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Tazon wrote: | | [color=indigo]There further into this story we go, the more I have a feeling, that Ron may not be the good guy in all of this. But I do stress, may not. |
Heh, well if you've read any of my other stories you'd konw it could go either way Tiks.
| Tikki wrote: |
I think he should feign unconsiousness, see what happens. And when he 'wakes up', he should pretend that his memory is still erased, and the machine has made no difference. I hope his memories continue to slowly filter back into his mind, drawing it out, rather than everything returning to him all at once. |
Excellent, I can work with that.
| Crayon wrote: |
Hey, maybe they could torture Sofia, to try and get some information out of him. |
I'm shocked and appalled at the violent attitude shown towards this kind young lady. That said, you can't go wrong with a bit of hot chick torture.
| Cozy wrote: |
And, still, that poor little dog is slowly bleeding to death, somewhere in that bloody circus! Shame on you, C-Ren! |
I've been sick the last few days, so not been writing. Even now I'm not recovered. (Writing this on my laptop in bed).
Normal service will resume asap.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:48 am Post subject: |
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Awww! Poor C-Ren!
But , you know, now you kinda know how that dog feels. Sick, dying, probably in alot of pain.
Ha!Ha! Get well soon!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:38 pm Post subject: |
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Apologies for the lack of updates, my sickness has taken longer to get over than I though. I'll hopefully get back on the horse very soon.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:22 am Post subject: |
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I wouldn't call many, many people getting shot unexciting C-Ren!
Speaking of people getting shot, I'm all for Ron putting a bullet through Smiths head. Get rid of him, and scarper (hopefully with dog in tow)! We're practically rid of Sofia too (hee!hee!).
I think that Ron needs to try and find this mysterious benefactor. He obviously knows all. Maybe given time, Ron might have some memory come back about this guy, and how to find him. Whether he finds him in the next chapter or not, that should be Rons plan when he leaves the circus.
Despite your illness, C-Ren, it was still a great chapter! Don't be so negative!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 8:13 am Post subject: |
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Tell him nothing. The guy has already said the he is going to kill Ron (and the dog! *sob*), so why help him out in any way.
He's not going to get out of this one without someone elses help. It would have to be the mysterious benefactor, I can't think of anyone else. Sofia is hurt, and McPhoney, I don't see why he would have any reason to be there. But Ron and this other guy are obviously in this together, in some way. If he just wanted the machine, surely he wouldn't have helped Ron out. They must have some sort of business deal going, unless there is going to be a Starwars 'Luke-I'm-your-father' moment!
So, my idea - Tell the Ringmaster nothing, and have the mysterious benefactor turn up, and blow the bastards brains out! Preferably before the dog get hurt!
Nice chapter, C-Ren! And quick! Certainly making up for lost time!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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Cruel advice as always Tikki! You're a hard woman. Are you sure you're not a spy?
Anyway, thank you for reading and suggesting. One point of your post was strangely close to the mark actually, but you'll have to wait to find out what!
As for that bloody dog... Mwahahahaa!
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| Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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Ooo! A time machine! Didn't see that one coming!
I've been trying, evening, to think of someone/something that wasn't obvious, as someone from SARA or the circus would have been. Not that those would be bad, but I just didn't want to state the obvious.
I say it is McPhoney, who all this time has been pretending to be one of the good guys, but has only been helping Ron out to get his own hands on It. Why....I'll have to have a think about that, and, perhaps, get back to you tomorrow or something. Though I'm sure your quite capable of figuring out a reason yourself.
Another great chapter C-Ren! Though it is Michael 'J' Fox, in Back to the Future
Now you can add Movie-Trivia-know-it-all, to cruel, hard and heartless! Don't I sound delightful!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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Great final chapter, C-Ren!
I love the way it all came together in the end.
And the dog was okay! Yay!
Knew you wouldn't be that horrible!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Tiks, glad you enjoyed! Thankyou for reading and suggesting too!
| Tikanni Corazon wrote: |
And the dog was okay! Yay!
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Yes, I had planned on a horrible death for it, but never managed to quite fit it in. Ah well, next time.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 9:19 am Post subject: |
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| Chinaren wrote: | | {removed} |
Hmm did the story get removed or am I missing something 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 2:19 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, Ingro! Loooong time no see!
Yes, I removed it from IF, but you can still catch the end of it here.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks China. Yeah it has been quite a while. I'm almost suprised anyone even remembers me
Congratulations on your award
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