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Kalanna Rai
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 Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:41 pm Post subject: Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch!!! |
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Round One: Gurr vs. Yoda
One night while watching TV with your family a lurid brodcast screen cuts into your normally schedueled program.
Welcome to Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch! With your hostess, the femme fatale with the mostess, Kalanna Rai!" The screen is suddenly filled with the face of a huge dragon wearing an earset microphone, don't ask how, and a rather peeved expression.
"Thank you, thank you and welcome to Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch the only show where some of your favorite characters from Movies, Cartoons, Video Games, Comicbooks, Manga, and Anime all come together to beat the crap out of each other."
The crowd in the background, made up of nearly every one of your favorite fantasy characters, cheers wildly at the announcment. The hostess lets out a massive bellow and they all quiet down again. Despite your parent/spouse/significant other's attempts to change the channel it remains firmly locked in place.
The dragon looks back into the camera and smiles. "Tonight a pair of unfortunate, er I mean lucky contestants, will come together for the one and only time...and only one of them will leave the ring alive. Normally we'd have you, the people...we are sure they're people right?, vote on the competitors but my former assistant had some technical difficulties on this so we were forced to choose ourselves."
The arena darkens and the crowd hushes. "May I introduce our first contestant. He's a small green Jedi master from a galaxy far, far, away. That's right I'd like to welcome Yoda!" The Star Wars theme plays and the tiny green midget walks into the arena. The dragon leans down her head to interview the contestant.
"Yoda, any last words?"
"Nothing fear I. The Force with me is." The dragon looks back into the camera.
"Well wasn't that, uh, unintelligible. Now for our next contestant. He's small, made of some unknown metal, likes pigs and is contstantly bullied by his Urkan master. That's right give it up for Gurr!" A single tinny speaker plays the Doom song while the tiny robot is shoved into the ring.
The dragon leans down her massive head and looks at Gurr. "Gurr any last words?"
"Cheese!"
"Ah well there you have it, both the fighers are ready to go so without further ado...FIGHT!" The dragon is blocking the camera view so you can't actually see anything happening in the ring...but the commentary is good so you're not missing much.
"And Yoda pulls out his lightsaber, an obvious move if you ask me, and advances on the brainless robot...who appears to be playing with a small rubber pig toy and dancing...oh it's still singing the Doom Song." The crowd roars.
"Oh Gurr has dodge Yoda's lightsaber throw and continues to dance with his pig...now Yoda's moving in with a flurry of lightsaber blows...and every one of them is missing. Gurr seems to have no tactic besides screaming and running and yet it's working masterfully! Amazing, the he's actually doing something!" Again the crow roars.
"My God! He threw the little rubber pig at Yoda and shorted his lightsaber...no Yoda's trying to do something...It's the Jedi mind trick! He's trying to use the Jedi mind trick on Gurr but he's having no luck...either the little robot is a better Jedi than Yoda...or he has no brain, that's the one that gets my vote." A hush comes over the crowd.
"Yoda has collapsed from exertion...Gurr is walking over to him...he's pulling something out of his head...it's pink...not it's not a brain it's a giant fluffy pink pig! He's putting it over Yoda...what's he saying I can't...oh he's telling him to have a good nap!" The crowd boo's.
"The little robot's tearing up now...he's grabbing his piggy...he's trying to escape from the ring...hang on the offical's checking on Yoda now..." The crowd roars!
"I don't believe it! Gurr has won! Gurr has won! He has smothered Yoda with a giant fuzzy piggy toy! Let's go talk to the winner." Leans down again to where the little robot is clutching his pig with a strange green alien standing next to him. "Gurr you've just beaten Yoda in the Deathmatch...what do you have to say?"
The little green alien gets infront of Gurr and starts talking. "Today...is a GREAT victory for Urkan kind..."
"Uh who are you?"
"I'm Zim! I'm going to conqure Earth for the Urkan people..."
"Yeah well I'm trying to talk to Gurr not you so move." Zim goes flying. "Now Gurr, after beating Yoda what are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to Crazy Taco!" The Dragon leans back into the camera view.
"You heard it, Gurr is going to Crazy Taco. Now just use the remote next to you to select who you want to see in the ring, we've fixed those technical difficulties. Tune in tomorrow, not like you have a choice, for the next Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch!"
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Okay who do you want to see in the ring? Anybody works as long as I've heard of them, played them, seen them...etc..
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Sat Apr 15, 2006 10:11 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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No I'm not trying to catch China...I just have this backlog of ideas that I want to get out of my closet*is buried by avalance of paper so only one leg is left free to run keyboard*
P.S. Who is Penfold...I'm a little old school on some things and slightly sheltered from others...
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"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Warmaster Daizo
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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You killed Yoda! Miserable wretch; never was there a thing more wicked ever to walk upon this Earth!*
That being said, it's a brilliant idea, I look forward to future chapters. Also, I feel it is my sacred duty to indicate a more accurate verbiage for Yoda:
"Fear of nothing I have. With me the Force is."
My second semester of Latin was devoted to analyzing the notable comparisons between Latin grammar and Yoda grammar. Many they** are.
*hyperbole + sarcasm; please do not take it seriously
**not a typo
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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You're the evil one...I'm just trying to survive in this world...
P.S. Who's killed next?
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Warmaster Daizo
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:07 pm Post subject: |
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I'll let you decide who dies, but how about a match between Legolas ~[Lord of the Rings] and Wolverine ~[X-men]?
Last edited by Warmaster Daizo on Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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Oh now that's a good one...Orlando Bloom vs. Hugh Jackman...I see possiblities...even if there are some short claws and a blond Cher wig involved...
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"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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*giggles* Tournament of Glee 
Let's see...
Alien vs. Paddington Bear for me 
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:48 am Post subject: |
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*snickers behind a massive hand* Oh I like that one too...
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Chinaren
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:19 am Post subject: |
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I knew that question would be asked *sighs* You'll have to google this but search 'Invader Zim' It's a cartoon about a little green alien (Zim) who's been sent by the leaders of his race (Urkans) to conqure Earth...actually they were just trying to jettison him into space and didn't know Earth was here.
Gurr is his robotic sidekick...and is a total moron. All he ever thinks about is watching TV, eating cheese, and playing with plastic toys...generall pigs.
I know, I know he's not universally known but I bet you can find him on the net...he's really stupid though and most adults won't even give the show the time of day. Normall I wouldn't...but then I'm a very twisted individual...
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 9:41 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry Lordy, never heard of them...anywhere on the net I might be able to find them? Or anyone else you have in mind?
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"Music makes you braver."
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 7:16 am Post subject: |
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The PETY(People for Ethical Treatment of Yoda) protest loudly against your sacrilege.
How about Superman versus Elton John?
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Vampireidiot
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| Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 10:36 am Post subject: |
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Noooooo!!! not little yoda! not little green yoda! lol
This sounds like a good idea, i voted for superman vs elton john, I just thought them to battleing it out owuld be funny :biggrin:
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watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........ 
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 12:15 am Post subject: ! |
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It's all Paddington and the Alien this time so here you go...
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Round Two: Paddington Bear vs. Alien
You're eating cookies on the couch again when the TV suddenly turns itself on and a brilliantly colored commercial adverstising Chinnabrand Toilet paper is whisked off the screen to reveal the face of the dragon Yoda lovers everywhere despise so much.
"Welcome back to Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch where, once again, an entertaining bloodbath will take place just for us." The crowd screams in delight...or maybe pain but you don't care. "Tonight, brought to the arena by popular vote, is our next pair of warriors is going to fight to the death." Picks up a little slip of white paper.
"And here's our first contestant now! He's a beloved childhood friend in his bright blue raincoat and red hat...it's Paddington Bear!" The Paddington Bear themesong plays as a little brown bear in a blue raincoat and red rainhat walks into the arena. "Paddington, any last words...no okay then, onto our next contestant."
The arena goes dark again and the dragon clears her throat. "Direct from the outer fringes of the galaxy comes the creature that put Sigornea Weaver through hell and took out the Preditor, yes it's the Alien!" The Alien spooky music plays while the thing is led into the arena by men in alienskin suits. "Any last words?"
The alien screams in the dragon's face, both set's of slime dripping jaws snapping inches from her snout. In a blurr of movement the dragon knocks the alien back five feet. "You're damn lucky I'm not in that ring with you you slimy bastard! They'd need to scraped you off the walls with a rubber spatula. Now let the fight begin."
Once again the dragon is blocking your veiw, it's starting to piss you off, but the commentary is still very good. "Alright the alien is going for intimidation...but Paddington's not falling for it, he's turned his back on us and is rummaging under his raincoat. Oh the alien is lunging...and Paddington has pulled a high-grade plasma cannon from under his raincoat that sneaky bastard!"
The dragon fits a pair of sunglasses over her eyes. "We caution those of you at home to put a pillow over your eyes. Remember none of us at Rai Corp. can't be held responsible for any injuries sustained while watching our program." You hear a strange whine followed by a massive detonation. The inside of your house lights up like Chevy Chase's christmas light display.
The powerful beam that emmenats from you window can be seen by astronauts in space and you now have a nice sunburn on you arms. "Oh the poor alien never saw it coming. And Paddington's raincoat has sheilded him from the acid rain that is now falling here in the arena, looks like they'll need the rubber spatula afterall."
"Paddington the veiwers at home want to know where you developed your beautiful stratagy."
"Bought the thing on SmeeBay. Tootles all."
"And there goes a true competitor folks. Tune in next week when one of the multitude shall battle it out for honor, glory, and the right to keep breathing."
As soon as the TV clicks off you grab the reciver to phone your local hospital, these burns are nasty. Before you're rushed to ER you manage to cast your vote for next weeks competitors...
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Okay give me some new ideas, just for variety I'm going to keep one of the old ones in the poll and hold the rest in reserve.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Thu Mar 16, 2006 10:36 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Chinaren
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 12:54 am Post subject: |
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LOL! He should have bought it at SmeeBay. Much more reasonable prices 
Now... who shall we have next?
Smaug vs. Gremlins
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:13 am Post subject: |
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SmeeBay it is then, oh and can you delete the poll here Shady, I remember who's gonna get kept and who's going in the 'wait for later' file.
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"Music makes you braver."
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:17 am Post subject: |
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| Done it
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Vampireidiot
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:24 am Post subject: |
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Rofl!!!
I say Noddy vs Tinkiewinkie ( out of the telly Tubbies) :biggrin:
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watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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This sounds like a good idea for a storygame* but how about...
The Stoat vs The Devil! 
*Which I may just write at some point.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:39 am Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: |
The Stoat vs The Devil!
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I think we already will get this one if Soily ever pulls his finger out and writes chapter two of 'The Furry Goblin'
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:44 am Post subject: |
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Says something for you when so many feel that you can successfully take on the devil. 
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:57 am Post subject: |
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Now there's an interesting question
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 11:49 am Post subject: |
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Polling options! Vote!
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Smaug vs. Gremlins, not make it to the polls? *looks all pouty*
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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Only four at a time, and you have to admit that the Elton John vs. Superman idea has way too much potential. Smaug is on the list for those dryspell moments along with Bond and Legolas vs. Wolverine...Don't worry you'll see that option in the future...
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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One more day to see if the tie is ever broken...if not then it's at author's discretion and all the other ideas go into the recycle for later bucket...
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"Music makes you braver."
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 6:24 am Post subject: |
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| Voted for elton John and Superman. Singing gay man vs. flying gay man-way to cool.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 10:35 pm Post subject: Round Three: Elton John vs. Superman |
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*snickers* Okay folks it's a man in tights vs a man in sequins...
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Round Three: Elton John vs. Superman
You're strapped to the hospital bed by the myraid IV's and skingrafts that you've had to recieve here in the burn ward. Slowly the man in the bed next to you is surfing channels, snickering because he's got control of the remote and you can't even pick your nose through all the bandages.
He has just finally settled on watching 'Ground Force', and apathy is starting to become a fatal condition, you're contimplaiting killing yourself with an overdose of Vitamin C, when the screen flashes in a way you've become all too familier with. "Hey what the..." He's cut off as the massive dragon's face appears on the screen again.
"Hello all you burn victims out there, and I know there's several of you, and welcome back to ULTIMATE FANTASY DEATHMATCH!" The camera pans the crowd and you notice several of your favorite horror movie icons are nudging themselves and getting pumped. Funny you don't remember any of them being options...you wonder who's gonna die tonight.
"Hey man. I think there's something funny going on with the remote. The batteries are dead or something."
"Shut up and watch the show...you might learn something."
Slowly the camera panns back to where the dragon is slowly roasting a lackey in a blue runners jacket. "See this is what happens to people who bring me diet Mountain Dew...there is no worse abominat...Oh hello again." She quickly drops the smoking corpse and picks up a little slip of paper.
"Now you've waited and you've voted and here are the two poor saps that you wanted to see beat the snot out of each other." The lights dim and an anticipant hush falls over the crowd. You can almost picture some of them crossing their fingers and dropping to their knees, praying that they won't be forced to sacrifice their lives for the entertainment of the masses.
"In this corner, with his bright blue spandex underware and red cape. A beloved DC comic icon...Superman." As his theme song plays a man in blue and red slowly wheels himself out of the shadows. The crowd erupts in laughter. The dragon raises an eyebrow. "So Superman, what's the man of Steel doing in a wheelchair?"
"Stupid horses...Chris Reeve tried to warn me but nooo...I thought I was invincible."
"So did the rest of us but let's meet the other competitor. His music carrer includes such favorites as a covers of 'Stand By Your Man' and 'Candel in the Wind' as well as 'Rocket Man', and 'Crocodile Rock'. Yes it's the one, the only, Sir Elton John!" The song 'The Bitch is Back' plays while a man in star-shaped sunglasses and pink sequins disco dances down the walkway.
"So...'Sir'...Elton John. Any last words?"
"Play that funky music till you die!" The dragon is clearly disgusted and shakes her head in distaste.
"Well it seems they're both ready so without further ado let the DEATHMATCH BEGIN!" You manage to hurl a pitcher of water at the screen as the dragon, once again, blocks your veiw of the battle.
"Hey what gives?! That big #@!*ing lizard is blocking the view!"
"Don't worry," you sigh. "She's one hell of a commentator." And sure enough you don't miss a thing as she gives you a blow by blow.
"Elton John has pulled a piano from under his half cape, wonder how he did that, and is playing a selection from his greatest hits album while Superman has managed to get airborn wheelchair and all...uh oh, Houston we have a problem...that's right Superman has capsized in his chair and is dangling upside down in mid air with only his seatbelt holding him in."
"Oh that music..." someone hands the dragon a pair of military issue rifle range ear muffs. THANK YOU! AS YOU CAN SEE ELTON JOHN HAS THE UPPER HAND AT THE MOMENT! SUPERMAN IS SHOUTING SOMETHING AT HIM BUT WE'ER ALL TOO BUSY PLUGGING OUR EARS TO HEAR WHAT IT IS! REMEMBER RAI CORP. CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES SUSTAINED WHILE WATCHIN OUR PROGRAM! WE DO, HOWEVER, SUGGEST THAT YOU PLUG YOUR EARS WHILE THE AUDIO ASSAULT CONTINUES!"
You and you're roomate don't need to be told twice...you're ears are bleeding by now and you're desperately trying to stuff cottonballs down your ears when the music stops. The dragon ripps off her earmuffs and cheers as loudly as the rest. "Oh nice move Superman! He may be physically disabled but you can't stop those lazers that shoot out of his eyes! Elton John has been reduced to a smoking pile of cinders ladies and gentlemen! That's right he's been snuffed out like a candel in the wind and it's about time!"
The dragon leans down to where Superman has finally managed to land his wheelchair. "Superman! You've pulled off an amazing, well not really, victory over Elton John! What are you going to do now?"
"Find a good chiropractor and get out of this damn thing!" With that he dignifiedly wheeled out of the ring.
"There you have it the man of Steel is off to find a Backsmith and unwind! Now if you'll just tune in next week I'm sure that you'll find a horrible, er I mean, wonderful new battle sure to take place! Remember Rai Corp. can't do this without your support vote now!"
Slowly you manage to twich a finger over to the key pad and place your vote for....
---------------
Okay who gets the vote...gemme more suggestions people I'd hate just to make a poll out of old ideas...
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| *grins* winnie-the-pooh vs. Bob the apedog
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Mascot thwacking  ...I don't think Key would be pleased if Bob get's injured though...
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 1:07 am Post subject: |
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I GOT BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right after the mascot thwacking post.
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Vampireidiot
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| Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:38 am Post subject: |
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hmmm....the phantom - out of the phantom of the opera vs Freddy kruger
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watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:42 am Post subject: |
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Sorry Lordy. I draw the line at religious figures...that's one of two things I don't want to offend anyone on...especially the higher powers themselves...
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 6:38 am Post subject: |
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| How about Gengis Khan vs Tony Blair?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 12:26 am Post subject: |
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Place your bets...
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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There are several Cassius that come to mind Lordy...which one were you thinking of?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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One more day...get yer votes in!
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Jack_D.Mented
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| Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:46 am Post subject: |
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I went for Genghis!
Two reasons... I want to see how pissed Tony gets when tea time is interupted by Mongol horsemen.
And... I want to hear him say, "Damned Mongolians," in a British accent.
Why? Because it amuses me.
Good stuff so far.
Next one should be Master Cheif (from Halo) VS. ALF.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 12:38 am Post subject: |
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Okay it's the British PM vs. the Mogol...sorry all you Blair supporters out there.
P.S. This contains British-bashing as well as mongol bashing, no offense is intended to both the british and mongol populations on this website...it is afterall, a fictional story in which the characters hate everyone equally...otherwise they wouldn't be fighting to the death now would they?
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Round Four: Tony Blair vs. Gengis Khan
You and your new buddie, Stan, are shopping for hearing aids when the cute little CCTV screen flairs dangerously, causing the pair of you to hit the dirt faster than Vietnam vets. The rest of the people in the room stare from you to the tv in disbeliefe as the commerical for pink spandex evil ware 'For all your nefarious needs.' cuts out to the face of the dragon.
"Can you hear me? I hope so because tonight, on ULTIMATE FANTASY DEATHMATCH, have we got a show for you." A little man in white shuffels into view and hands the dragon a new headset. Realizing she dosen't have to shout anymore the dragon bears her fangs at you in what might have been a smile but seemed more like something from a 'Faces of Death' movie.
"If you'll but take a glance you'll notice that our arena is packed tonight and that's your doing, you wonderful veiwers you! You've picked a match between two of the toughest condenders the world has ever seen." At this the dragon snickers although she skillfully tries to cover it by blowing her nose in a massive hanky which she drops on the nearest rows of cheap seats.
Squeaks of protests are voiced momentairly then silenced as she thumps her massive tail on the offending section not once, but twice. "Anyway back to our show." With a grand sweep of one wing she gestures to the darkened eastern corner.
"And now, direct from 13th century Mongolia, coming soon to pillage a village near you, the leader of the Mongol horseman....Gengis Khan!" The song 'You are the Wind benith my Wings' plays as a very irritated Mongol warlord rides his horse into the ring. You hear screams and cries as smoke drifts across the camera and you have a sinking hunch that it's not the mongol hord causing it.
"And if you ever screw up the music again I'll...Oh and erm if you'll look over there in the first five rows you'll notice that there's a strong hometown crowd for Gengis! Looks like he brought the whole horde of 'em with him. Now let's go down for a talk with our first competitor. Gengis...any last words?"
For a moment the barbarian rants in arcaic mongolian before the dragon shakes her head and returns to staring at the camera. "I have no idea what he said but boy is he angery. Without further ado, and because I really want to avoid any unecessary violence on the part of the vict...I mean contestants let's bring out our next offeri...I mean challenger."
"He's a brillaint speaker in Parliment and has managed to stay afloat even with the Iraq issue, the the rock of Whateverhisnameiclies in Hades, dragging him down. That's right I'm talking about the modern day PM of Great Britain Tony, he's no Margaret Thatcher, Blair!" For a moment the speakers twitch and suddenly the Sex Pistoles blare loud over the speakers.
"I WARNED YOU NOW YOUR GONNA GET IT! For a moment there is only flames and terror then the broadcast cuts out to static. A noisy commercial for Soil Whisky takes up the time, making you wonder how anyone could drink something made from loam, when suddenly a small face appears on the screen.
"She's gone bonker's totally nutty! Ms. Rai's not only killed the staff but during the confusion it seems Mr. Blair and Mr. Khan have managed to wipe each other off the face of the earth." A small clip buzzes in and shows Tony Blair, full of mongol arrows, running Gengis through with the Union Jack and shouting "Damned Mongolians!" at the top of his accented lungs.
The small face returns. "Thus we are begging you, any of you brave enough! To come here and be a guest host on the show, that's right, guest host the show. You must be able, and willing, to take on the ravings of a mad dragon and dodge her...'moments'. I cannot garuntee any benifits, I can't even garuntee that you'll survive your show. But if you're up for it just tap your buzzer." The dragon suddenly appears in the frame.
[b]"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE RODENT! COME HERE!b]
You look at the little black box in your hand. A spot as a guest announcer on Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch...your deathwish come true! You eye your friend over the little black box...it's either him or you.
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Well who do you want to see up there in the announcer's box with me next match? Submit your votes to see who's going to endure a guest moment on UFD!
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 12:46 am Post subject: |
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| Lordy seems like a good candidate. Fearless, bold and brave, cunning, wily and able to fit two ping-pong balls in his mouth at once (well, so the rumours go)
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Jack_D.Mented
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:54 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | "Damned Mongolians!" |
Wooohooo!!! 
Yeah, Lordy sounds good, but I think that Chinaren would be pretty amusing.
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Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | but I think that Chinaren would be pretty amusing. |
I will not dignify that remark with an answer. *sniffs and haughtily stalks off, slips on something and lands upside down in one of Lordy's meat pies*
Good ep Rai! And welcome back Lordy, how was Icyland?
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Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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Very good I thought - but you learn a lot about the people you're with when away from home.
So many of them complained about the food - which was good.
The temperature - which was fine - I prefer the climate in England.
And the accomadation - which apart from the blatent sexism in room allocation, was more than adequate.
And stepping on my meat pies - how could you? Now I'll have to go find someone els... to buy one.
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Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 9:38 pm Post subject: |
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| lordofthenight whined wrote: | I'm sure I could do it, but I know Rai will only make fun of me.
*sniff*
Again. |
Damn Straight.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 9:38 pm Post subject: |
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Voting time.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:25 am Post subject: |
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Well gee Lordy wins...I suppose I should have been expecting that.
------------------------
Round Five: Host vs Co-host?
You press down the button really hard, hoping to be the one transported...but somebody beat you to it. A week later, just as you've figured out that you're hearing aids arn't malfunctioning but that everyone's been playing a sick prank on you, tv suddenly comes to life a 1:00 a.m.
The screen flashes once and you see the familier face of the dragon, although you don't think you've ever seen her quite as happy as she is this time. "Welcome back to Ultimate Fantasy Deathmatch or, UFD as it's now being called!" Cheers erupt around the arena and you see that it's really a packed house tonight. The camera flashes back to the dragon.
"And tonight I have the great...uh well I don't exactly know what it is but whatever it is it must be great...of introducing my co-host...Give it up for the only demon who can fit two 'ping pong' balls in his mouth at once and has a fetish for pink spandex...LORD OF THE NIGHT!!!"
There's a whole lot of cheering that dies down into rapacious giggles as a lava demon, at least that's what you think he is, is lowered to the platform via steel cable. "Lordy what happened to your wings?" The demon grumbles quite a bit but you can't quite make out his answer...but whatever it is the dragon thinks it's emensely funny.
"You're doing this on purpose..." The dragon winks at the camera.
"Actually you've been voted here by your adoring public...same as last time. Don't blame me Rai Corp. cannot be lible for any damage claims filed by those who are, even temporarily, associated with it."
"I don't remember signing any paperwork."
"You could have contacted me at any time to withdraw your candidacy. Face it. You're just a masochist that really likes the pain I'm able to dish out on you."
The demon puffs himself up and steam actually comes out of his ears. "Just wait till I get ahold of my lawyer the esteemed Mr. Chinaren. He'll sue you for everything it's worth. I'm gonna claim defamation of character and mental duress."
"In order to do that Lordy you've got to have a character and a mind. Besides I think the esteemed Mr. Chinaren voted for you...look there he is now." The camera flashes to a box on the far side of the ring. It's plush, oppulant, and completely furnished in cash. A fuzzy orange monster with cash bulging out of his pockets sits comfortably with his feet up.
"Well Mr. C! Anything you'd like to say?" The fuzzy orange monster looks like he's about to say something malicious and cruel when the screen cheeses out...literally. Cheeze whiz starts pouring out of your set and you're forced to run to the neighbors house and turn the show on over there, much to their dismay.
"Now folks we've arranged a special bout between two never before seen fighters tonight."
"I've seen em before."
"You sure?"
"If I haven't don't you think I'd have said something?"
"I don't know. I was having trouble understanding what you were saying around the ping pong balls." The demon smokes even more and you can see the magma under his skin. The dragon dumps a bucket of decaf coffee over him and tosses it into the crowd, where it bounces off Hulk Hogan's shiney skull and knocks the Rock cold. "Keep it up and you might find yourself facing off against Shady Stoat in the ring."
The demon pales beyond belife and you could have sworne that you saw a halo crop up around his head for just an instant. "You really should get around to telling the folks at home about the really great fight that's been lined up for tonight...I mean it's pretty spectacular."
"And why do I have the sneaking feeling that you've done something to sabotage it?" A wrench falls out of the demon's back pocket, followed by several phone numbers for escort services and one for an adult video store in a shady district somewhere in one of Chinaren's stories. Smoke starts curling out of the dragon's nostrils. "You do recall what happened to my last crew right?"
"You don't scare me." The screen goes black for a moment, probably because the camera man has passed out and when it's restored a very pale and shaky demon sits lightly next to the dragon.
"Dare you to say that again." The demon faces the camera.
"The horror, the horror." You manage to notice a quickly disappearing bolt of white that might have been the aforementioned Shady Stoat.
"That's right. I don't need to scare you. She can do it for me. Of course if the Stoat ever fails to scare you I'm sure I can dig up some pictures of what I really look like..." It's too much for the demon who vanishes with a pop leaving a steaming puddle behind him. The dragon looks beyond peeved.
"Alright who's gonna clean this up? I'm not! You better get someone to clean this up before it eats throught the floor." She turns back to the camera with a slightly hectic look. "Well that's all the time we have for today...remember to tune in next week for the final bout of our first season! And it's all up to you who wins here on UFD!"
You're lucky. As the police haul you out of your neighbors and off to the pokey you manage to hit the vote button just in time to cast your all important final vote.
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"Music makes you braver."
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:31 am Post subject: |
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What? Sweet little me, scaring the great big lava demon? But I'm all cute and fluffy and...
Oh. I see. Maybe that is what a demon finds scary?
I'll wait to see the poll options. I think you've got enough to be going on with for now, so I won't flood you with new contestants
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Chinaren
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 5:50 am Post subject: |
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| I thought Chinaren would have paid Lordy to take a dive.
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Jack_D.Mented
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| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:48 am Post subject: |
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Who's the next fight gonna be, you think?
I'm still wanting Master Cheif from Halo VS. ALF, from, well, ALF, the TV show.
Or maybe Ted Bundy VS. Mike Tyson... hmmm... deranged serial killer and deranged boxer... I see potential.
But anyways, write on. I'm loving this.
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ninja baloon
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| Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Winnie the Pooh vs GALACTIMUS the eater of planets(from marvel comics)
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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I hate to break it to you Lordy but there's your average dragon...and then there's me...Just cuz you beat up on Dfire dosen't mean I couldn't take you...but I believe we already had this discussion...something involving pints of blood and eternal servitude...
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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Right foks the new polls up...and don't worry. UFD isn't finished for good...it's just going on hiatus while I finish some other stuff...
Thus it shall have seasons...like any other TV show.
So naturally when I begin to post in it again, after this last match, you'll see ads for it all over IF...or in my sig anyway!
Still...vote and enjoy.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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....maybe....
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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Alright...the wrap on season one...
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Round Six: Season Finale
You're sitting in a communal cell with some large man in sweat stained denim coveralls bearing the name badge of Earl making calf eyes at you when a sonic blast from the nearest tv melts the cell bars. Knowing that theme music all to well you vault the desk guard and hand cuff yourself to the radiator just to watch the show.
Slowly the dragon, with a toothy smile that shows you Jaws is still trapped between her fangs, laughs happily into the camera. "Avid followers, and you poor saps I've caught hold of for the first time, this is the moment you've been waiting for...the Season One Finale!"
Behind her the crowd erupts into cheers as they realize it's the last battle hopeing they won't be the final sacrifices. "And, for your special viewing pleasure, we're dropping the barrier between the stands and the ring...that's right...if you're in the theater now you're in the fight!" Cameras flash shots of bars dropping over windows and blast doors rolling into place.
The people in the arena panic, each scrabbling fuilily at the walls for a few moments then they settle down shifting their eyes back and forth, sizing up the people on either side of them. "Those of you visiting from the city, IFian's you know who you are, please move up here to the sportscasters box."
You observe a few privilaged..er..things moving into the blast proof box with it's completely clear surface. "Now that you all are safe...LET THE CARNAGE COMMENSE!!" This time, amazingly, the dragon gets out of the way giving you a clear shot of the massive violence.
Orrin from Final Fantasy, Dante from Devil May Cry, and Vash the Stampede from Trigun. All whip out their guns and begin blastin, Vash in self defense as the other two quickly realize he's the weakest link. He surprises both of them by running away so fast it's impossible to belive. With a shrug Orin and Dante turn their newly drawn blades on each other.
Nearby, Cloud from Final Fantasy is dishing major damage to Willy Wonka and his uzi weilding Oompa Loompas when Sephroth, also from Final Fantasy, drops out of the sky. Cloud has an 'oh shit' moment before the pair of them leap upward and vanish among the rafters.
Master Cheif from Halo has whipped out his arsenal but the chick from Silent Hill is dishing major punishment. You catch a glimps of several Hobbits before Gandalf blasts them to ashes and Smog devours him whole just before the dragon from Dragonheart blindsides him and snaps his neck like a twig.
Ted Bundy is stalking a young college co-ed, who just happens to be an extra from the Dawn of the Dead, when he's taken out by a blindside punch from Mike Tyson, who's eyes are gouged out as he wonders between Hilary Clinton and Condy Rice, who are in the process of a nasty cat fight.
The dragon from Dragonheart is limping away when he's finished by a single shot from James Bond...who's promptly eaten by the pissed off host. "Harm the dragons and I'll..." Turns her attention to the gremlins who've finished off Smog..."C'mer you stupid fuzzballs..." She starts shiskabobbing the little murderous things.
Cassius and Dracula are busy creeping in the shadows trying to whack each other and Pooh bear and Galactimus are both sitting on a fallen log, think...think...thinking, while Freddy Kruger is having a hard time catching hold of the Opera Phantom. The Terminator and Robocop are blowing each other away with massive amounts of ammo, and several pop divas and their entourages are being decimated by Legolas and Wolverine...who then turn their attentions to each other...with devistating effects.
When the battle is finally finished, only dust and body parts remain. A blue blurr that might have been Sonic the hedge hog streaks in and drops a small white piece of paper in the host's hand. The dragon looks at the paper then at the last camera several times before saying..."Due to budget cuts...this show will be off air for a while...until I put enough heads on pikes to get the funding back!!!"
She flys off, smoking and fuming, calling over her shoulder. "Until then, this is Kalanna Rai for ULTIMATE FANTASY DEATHMATCH saying...until next time...!"
An hour later the police manage to saw through the handcuffs and they ship you away to a quite mental facility where you sit in your straightjacket rocking back and forth infront of a tv chanting..."UFD...UFD...UFD..."
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Don't worry...it will be back...you'll know when it is...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
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Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
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| Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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Nice one Rai!
Especially liked...
| Quote: | | Ted Bundy is stalking a young college co-ed |
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Jack_D.Mented
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Joined: 22 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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Woooo...
Cool. I like.
UFD! UFD! UFD!
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 10:00 am Post subject: |
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Gee Lordy...I've seen the Ultimate Showdown a few times meself...wonder where I got this idea in the first place?
Although it would cheapen the whole thing to add Mr. Rogers...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Hak
Citizen
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 264
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| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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I have an Idea... Steve Irwen VS either the Teenage Mutant ninja turtles, or the Pilsbery(sp?) Doughboy.... he has to poke them at least once.....
Telletubbies VS Care Bears
Arthur VS Bob the Builder
Barbie VS Medusa
and Nemo VS Ariel....... if you need more..... just ask... 
Lol... lotsa colors!!! XD
_________________
Fear is only overanxiety over the future
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| Final round of season one features... |
| Bond vs ??? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Mike Tyson vs Ted Bundy |
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12% |
[ 1 ] |
| Phantom of the Opera vs. Freddy Kruger |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Dragonheart vs Smaug |
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25% |
[ 2 ] |
| Everyone vs. Everyone |
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62% |
[ 5 ] |
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| Total Votes : 8 |
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