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Chinaren
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 Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:30 pm Post subject: Avarice. Chapter 1 - Tower - And comments from ch 1 - 4. |
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Last edited by Chinaren on Sat May 31, 2008 4:55 pm; edited 17 times in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, amazing. 
I loved it! What a fantastic world! And everything fit in nicely! 
Well, seeing as he is a cheating scavenger, I think he would either attack them to take their goodies or hide so that they don't take his.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Argonaut
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 10:51 am Post subject: |
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pretty cool Chinaren. You managed to make your world of ruins absolutely nothing like I pictured it  Would you call this super-post-apocalyptic?
I say caution and curiosity should drive our hero. Stay hidden and see if you can find something out about these people. That fat guy must have access to a lot of food. If Smur can find out where he gets it from, that could be some serious help.
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Smudger
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:14 pm Post subject: re |
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I agree with Argo. Smur needs food, killing them now would mean only a limited amount of goods, but capture them and find the source then he can have access to the supplies all the time.
Very good start China 
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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Ditto Argo and Smudger.
lie low and watch, let them lead you to the food.
But if danger comes and it's getting late, just shoot them and run, grabbing what you can from them as you do so.
And great new sg, china. Although I'm probably not going to pay any fables on it, I'll still follow it.
~Solus.
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chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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WHERE'S MY DRAGON?!!?!?!?
Great sg. f5 everybody.
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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good start Chinaren!
I dont think he would attack unless he was sure there were no other about or he became desperate. Wait as long as he dares. Surely they will not be out in night too?
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Polokin
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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Fantastic beginning to your new story Chinaren!
And I agree, Argo, Smudger and solus.
He should hide and see where they're headed, before shooting them both to smithereens! (Also he won't want to attract attention to himself when there's Shades and other.. Things about.)
Last edited by Polokin on Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the comments guys. Glad you all like it. it seemed to fall into place with the 'challenges' made in the A shop. You don't have to go there of course. Standard poll suggestions as per usual are very welcome.
Now, don't forget to add this to your favorites.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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I would add it to my favorites, but I need another chapter to determine its worthiness. After all, they are my favorites!
Well, if the second chapter is just as good, I'll make sure not to forget.
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Polokin
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Knowing China, Lotus, you'll probably be adding it
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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I'm suitably impressed, very nicely wrapped around your challenges. Fables on their way.
I think the mule is the deciding point. It can not only carry any treasures he steals from ..near.. their corpses, but also those he found today, and help him get more when he returns to the tower.
It's a reward too great for our cheating hero. What's two unknown lives to his greater comfort? Especially when he can replace his firestick with a bigger one, so any concern on wasting part of the charge is irrelevant.
Now how can I make this difficult for you?
*begins slow plod to the market place whilst pondering*
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jnmrcs
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| Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 9:54 am Post subject: |
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As always very interesting. Nice China.
My idea is to wait and see but meanwhile you have to try to get out before the night. It could be done in two ways: Killing or just Leaving. And as smee said the mule is a great treasure...
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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Far greater then they could ever imagine...
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 12:23 am Post subject: |
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Voted for attempting to take them out, but I really don't think it'll be a challenge. He has the element of surprise, so that's one person down before they even react. The second person just a few seconds after. The only risk is if there's a third person out there that he hasn't spotted, or if the fire stick isn't as lethal as a gun.
Don't want to be capturing/questioning them. We're not going to be organising an assualt on their base even if we heard about it - we're too cowardly. Plus as much as we learn about them, they'll learn about us. And we certainly don't want that. Plus it's even riskier than just straight killing them.
We've had a good day, got some good loot, and with a little effort can get far more. Night is coming and last thing we want to do is get caught in a sleep-fog leaving us vulnerable to the shades ;-). Kill, collect and get home fast.
Happy Writing.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:20 am Post subject: |
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| Is night coming already? I thought it was morning still... Much time to learn about the new people. They are looking at something and talking about it. Something of great interest to them, possibly something of great interest and importance to Smur as well. I would vote to follow them, at least to start with, maybe take them out at a later point if necessary. He may not want to stray too far from the tribe, where his daughter is, but at the same time may need to know the location of a new source of provisions.
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Still, he couldn't carry any more, and it would be getting dark soon. He would have to come back tomorrow.
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Kill them NOW.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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 Oops... I missed that bit, and the other obvious bit about the light failing! (my eyesight failing more like!) Still, he's got his glowing orb, and Ms. Jolly Hat and her friend are still at the mercy of the same creatures of the dark as he is... yeah, follow 'em!!!! 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome to the story and to IF Crunchy!
It's a close one so far people! I have suddenly been invaded by RL stuff, so currently behind schedule on all my writings, so lots of time to vote still on this one.
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Polokin
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| Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:41 am Post subject: |
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| I agree Smee, he should take them out there and then. But to your comment about him have gotten enough loot, he's greedy and would probably do anything to get alot of it.
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DukeReg
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| Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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I was mildly impressed until I saw the restrictions you were working under, China. Now I am highly impressed.
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:56 am Post subject: |
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I voted capture. Who knows how precious the donkey may be?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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I will be starting work on chapter 2 of this at some point soon. The poll will remain up in the meantime. (I will close it when I start writing.)
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:07 pm Post subject: |
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| How Smart is this charactor. The smart thing to do is follow them. Or maybe come to the rescue during the night? I am new, so I not sure if new plot twists are allowed after voting begins. But it would be nice for the rich couple to owe me, I can always steal from them later, right?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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You can't post new plot options once the voting begins no, but you can always see if it won't work later? I'm sure they could become indebted to him somehow.
Still waiting to see my knowledgeable bard china.
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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Wait... Has chapter two been posted?
I'd love to suggest a giant chicken, but I think I already did.
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Darra
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| Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 10:10 am Post subject: |
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I did a little happy dance in my mind when I found this storygame. With many surely enjoyable tales already into their twentieth chapter, it is quite difficult for me to catch up on reading them without suffering burnout. A story in its first chapter? I was delighted.
I'm casting my vote and happily looking forward to more, at a nice pace that I can keep up with.
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BStheGreat
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| Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Darra wrote: | I did a little happy dance in my mind when I found this storygame. With many surely enjoyable tales already into their twentieth chapter, it is quite difficult for me to catch up on reading them without suffering burnout. A story in its first chapter? I was delighted.
I'm casting my vote and happily looking forward to more, at a nice pace that I can keep up with. |
Same here, I was looking for a new storygame to read without having to catch up. Ill have to start reading this one. Unfortunately I will have to read it tomorrow, its 11:45pm and I gotta get up at 6am for school. I am assuming the story has to do with greed?
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 2:18 am Post subject: |
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China would like to point out here that he is still alive, just currently unable to access IF properly. (Blame the Chinese internet - all sites outside China are so slow they're practically non-existant).
In addition, the poll for Avarice is closed, with 'Attempt to take them out' being the winning option.
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BStheGreat
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| Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I am done reading the chapter, and I must say it was not bad. It was a cool idea to have people come up with elements of the story, it seems to have worked out well. Although I missed the pole, I would have chosen attempt to take them out anyways. I will have to read the new chapter once it comes out, hopefully your internet will work soon.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:38 am Post subject: |
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| BStheGreat wrote: | | Darra wrote: | I did a little happy dance in my mind when I found this storygame. With many surely enjoyable tales already into their twentieth chapter, it is quite difficult for me to catch up on reading them without suffering burnout. A story in its first chapter? I was delighted.
I'm casting my vote and happily looking forward to more, at a nice pace that I can keep up with. |
Same here, I was looking for a new storygame to read without having to catch up. Ill have to start reading this one. Unfortunately I will have to read it tomorrow, its 11:45pm and I gotta get up at 6am for school. I am assuming the story has to do with greed? |
I have to add my agreement to these sentiments for exactly the same reasons. I have always shyed away from the well established storygames, because I just dont feel I could do them or the author any justice by posting comments to them, I will always feel I've missed something. Good grief, I even missed something in this one chapter, lol!!
Oh wow, there's a tie?
Here's hoping we see Chinaren returning soon. Really looking forward to the next chapter.
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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You'll probably like my storygames then.
*Sighs*
Oh well. Good luck orange guy.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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Wohoo! Welcome back, China- heartfeltedly.
Well, that was a nice read. Now we begin to understand more about Smur's world, its characteristics, but mostly its dangers. You write good action sequences. The shades that Smur fears remind me of Potter's Dementors. The environment is more original, however, and I liked the violence because it reveals a lot about Smur and the value our decisions carry in the DP's.
I would like to have some more description of the woman, other than her wondrous curves, though.
DP- Well, for one, Smur could just leave, but he would abandon his booty (ha ha, double meaning), and that's something he's not likely to do after all the danger he's been through. Of course, if he feels threatened he will instinctively leave, but for the moment she isn't doing anything dangerous (except issuing threats).
To achieve his purpose, he has to knock her out again before she can scream. Perhaps if he distracts her long enough, he can reach and deliver a blow. Pretend that there is a Shade behind her again. Tel her to turn around slowly, then strike her.
Although perhaps we should question her about her friends before taking action. They might be dangerous, in which case Smur should take precaution.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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Good Chapter
As far as where to go from here?
Well I would restrian her. If he had no rope, maybe rip her clothes off for stripes of cloth to do it with. (definitley not sutable for childern)
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:22 am Post subject: |
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I think the answer lays in the box of tricks that he stole from the man he killed. There are lots of dials and buttons in that little black cube. He has no clue how to work it, but she must know something about it. So in that respect she has the upper hand. It could even be her means of escape.
He might also want to get back out to the remains of that mule. Now that all the flesh has been stripped away by the skits, it will be much easier to get the firestick out from underneath it. The bones would also probably come in useful too...
Whether he'd want to do that under cover of night though, with night time being such a dangerous environment though? I dunno. If it's not worth risking it, maybe it's going to be trying to keep her restrained whilst finding out more about the box of tricks until the morning....
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the replies so far guys. Don't forget to cough up any Fables people, if you have had a Challenge implemented! I need to make up for the shortfall from my leave of absence!
In the meantime, I am accepting Challenges for Chapter 3 in the Marketplace thread!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:05 am Post subject: |
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Maybe the lady knows something about what went on in the buildings around here and might be able to point out a place of likely safety for them? Or at least convince him somehow that her brain is her most valuble of 'assets'.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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Tie broken. And don't forget the conflict with his daughter, it has to reappear somewhere in the next few (1-3) chapters.
I think it is the most interesting part of the story so far.
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DukeReg
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| Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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Oh my, oh my,
I created a tie. 
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Shogun
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| Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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I broke the tie.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:01 am Post subject: |
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Okay then.
Attempt to distract her and knock her out, then restrain and question her.
...won, so I will commence work on the next chapter. If you have any new challenges, get 'em in the Marketplace thread fast!
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:27 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Scrambling back down to his captor his hissed at her. “You win this time my pretty. Just remember how I leave you alive!” With one finally stroke of her long black hair, he crawled off. |
Captive surely? She's his prisoner.
I don't know - I like the sound of Bis'p, purely as he has an amusing name. I'd go see him. Questioning the woman is probably a good idea too, though she may be disinclinded to help him, seeing how he knocked her out.
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| Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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Go and pillage the Bis'p's stuff, and find all the books he can. Can Smur actually read, though?
If he can, maybe he could impress the woman later with his knowledge of old things from the books. Or make a complete buffoon of himself, alternatively, since her tribe is from a place where they also have knowledge of the Old World.
Bit of a lame idea, but that's all I have at the moment.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:41 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting plot. I like the old theme of searching for the last piece of a habitable place. It reminds me of Nausica, and Waterworld (and any flood story).
Anyway, I've had enough of Draggon for now, let's see what the Bishop can get us.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 5:33 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Can Smur actually read, though? |
Yes indeed he can. You will find out more about our 'hero' later in the story!
Any other ideas before I put a poll up?
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Chinaren
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Idea master
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 7:59 am Post subject: |
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There has got to be some way. Perhaps he could hide behind the old tub o' lard while he makes his slow, threatened way to the treasure tent. When he gets there, Smur kills the Bis'p, thus calling the shades down on them all, and runs in at that moment, thus getting the books, getting out of there, and killing a few people in the process.
Works for me. Let's see you write it, Chinny.
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:19 am Post subject: |
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I think the boy was meant to be a mercy killing... he was a captive of the B'sop. Smur obviously has some compassion... and he is a parent of a child himself. If he throws the boy's body out in the darkness, the Shades would get his soul.
He could push the B'sop out of the tent, and guard it himself... the B'sop may have no choice but to go to the treasure tent.
The B'sop will obviously alert the guards that there is an intruder in his tent, that has killed the boy. This would divert the guards, Smur would have a very small space of time in which to slip out of the tent, and get to the treasure tent himself.
Smur catches up with the B'sop (who is not as fast on his feet as Smur) and marches him into the treasure tent.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:16 am Post subject: |
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I have no better idea myself. Toughy.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:18 pm Post subject: Crude, definatley. Effective, maybe. |
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| Break his ankles, this will give Smur his blood thirsty satisfaction. Then get the blob some sort of wheelchair. This way you can go into the tent with the monster saying to the guards that you are assisting him after a nasty fall he had. Keeping knife close to belly at all times.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:20 pm Post subject: |
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I was all ready to start the next chapter when I realized I hadn't put a poll up for this one.
It is now though, so skin the body of voting...
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 5:52 am Post subject: |
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| Same as one of the above people, I've read all of Smur's adventures and this is my first time posting, but I should think I'll be posting more often from now on. I luv this storyline
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 6:16 am Post subject: |
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*is the 6th person to vote and  at 3 way tie*
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:19 am Post subject: |
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Right then. Breaking the ankles it is then, you gruesome lot you.
Poll is closed, I'm starting work on chapter 5... now.
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| What's the escape plan then? |
| Hide the body, steal the clothes and pretend to be a guard. |
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28% |
[ 2 ] |
| Find the loot. Start a fire and escape in the ensuing chaos. |
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71% |
[ 5 ] |
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| Total Votes : 7 |
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