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Virtual Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next   (currently a favorite of )    Storygames Home -> -> Virtual - COMPLETE View previous topic :: View next topic   Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 11:49 pm    Post subject: Virtual Virtual (Character view 1) Chapter 1: Virtual life and reality “This is Lieutenant Commander Jack Art report in guys,” He asked over the radio as he flew the F4U fighter across the simulated map of the pacific-ocean. “Roger that this is Petty Flight Officer Matthew Barrel, reporting in.” Jack heard crackling through his radio. As soon after the new pilot had reported in Jack was bombarded with acknowledgements from his squadron “Copy that guys. Form up on my wing and follow waypoints,” he ordered as he looked about his canopy, searching for his wingmen. There it was in the distance. He could see it as clear as day. “White flight cover us as we drop the eggs. Everyone else is to change flaps to combat and get ready to drop our eggs on these bastards,” Jack ordered as he flipped the switches in his cockpit so the flaps would lower “Copy that, sir,” his wingmen acknowledged. As they got closer to the Japanese airfield he could see several dots approaching his squadron while six fighters had broken off to try and divert them. As Jack scanned the sky while aiming his plane for the enemy takeoff strip where he could see some of the Japanese fighters still on the ground “Now isn’t that just sad,” he heard 1st Class Aviation officer Anne Johnson say to him over the radio. “Tell me about it… Oh this is pathetic. Now they’re scrambling their fighters!” he answered back. Then he saw it. Two friendly Beaufighters were escorting a B-17 coming in from the west “All F4U’s break off and attack fighters immediately there are friendly bombers on approach over!” Art shouted to his squadron, immediately he pulled up and banked to right in order to engage the Japanese fighters. He switched channels so he could communicate with the bombers on approach “This is Delta squadron any friendly bombers in my vicinity please respond!” he asked over the radios as his fighter came closer to the enemy fighters “Roger that Delta squadron this is Flying Betty over,” a B-17 pilot responded “What the hell are you doing here this is our operation!” he informed the bomber pilot “Uh copy that but we’re scouting the area for our fighter squadron. And if you don’t mind we will be bombing the area now,” Jack heard the bomber pilot. He shook his head for a few moments “Fine. Just get ready to eat a machine gun sandwich because there are more fighters taking off because of you,” he answered and finally broke off communications with the bomber. The F4U flew through the enemy squadron suddenly found a target in his crosshairs. He pressed the trigger on his joystick, releasing a short burst of fire that set his enemy’s engine on fire “Nice shot Iron man!” he heard Matthew Barrel call him by his Call-Sign as the enemy fighter started to plunge while the pilot jumped out. Suddenly his cockpit was shaking and several thuds were impacting on his F4U “Oh shit! I got one on my tail!” he shouted in realisation as the Ki-47 fighter came into his sight while he scanned the sky. He started pulling manoeuvres to avoid any more damage to his fighter “Anyone help me I cant shake him!” he reported once more to is squadron as he felt another shockwave of a machine gun bullet smacking his tail. As he gained altitude he could see friendly and enemy fighters crossing the bow of his fighter. Suddenly the engine stalled and the fighter turned around “Fucking world war two fighters cant do shit!” he yelled. As the fighter faced the Ki-47 Jack thought that he would be facing certain death when he saw a stream of bullets hammer into the Japanese fighter and explode in the sky. He saw a friendly F4U flying right through the fiery wreckage in the blue sky “Thanks!” he shouted over the radio to whoever had saved his ass. And now the arduous task of pulling this sucker out of the stall Art thought as he battled the joystick for control of the plane. Come on you mother come on! He yelled out in rage as he slowly gained control of the plane. Finally he yanked on the joystick, the fighter levelled out and the Lieutenant commander was back into the dogfight “Dropping bombs!” the “Flying Betty” reported over the radio “Roger that flying betty. Return to base with your escort now,” Jack ordered the Flying Fortress as an A6M Sea plane came into his crosshairs. He pressed the trigger quickly before it could escape his crosshairs and luckily the bullet smashed into the plane’s body and the pilot banked left to engage but before it could turn to fire Jack was already on his tail. As the plane got in front of the middle dot around a big circle on his screen he held the trigger, releasing a six second burst of fire upon his foe. The bullets impacted on the fighter’s rudder and tore it completely off of the fighter plane causing the plane to shake uncontrollably but the pilot still had aileron control of the plane. The pilot would have no choice but to land back at his base but that was not part of the code however some of these pilot were willing to disobey their code so they could survive. But the plane didn’t lower its altitude so it could land. Instead the fighter stayed in the fight and fired upon his squadron and the sea plane was trying to find a target but a ten second burst of fire made the A20M sea plane go into a spin, plummeting towards the ocean without it’s tail. Suddenly all the enemy fighters were out of sight “Is that it? That wasn’t a squadron was it?” Jack asked as he levelled out. “No doesn’t look like it… Suppose we drop the bomb on these suckers now sir?” Senior Flight Officer Mark Vowels replied over the radio. “Might as well. What are our numbers anyway?” Art asked as he lowered his altitude. “We lost three fighters sir,” Anne Jackson reported as she lined up her fighter behind Jack’s “ Roger that. Stay on the lookout for fighters. White flight if I report or if you see any fighters, break off and cover us,” Jack ordered. Damn… Looks like I’ve got a fuel leak he thought to himself as he stared at his engine. He could see a line of what looked like gas exiting the engine of his F4U. Suddenly the remaining AA guns turned to the fighters and laid down a base of fire on the single column of Allied fighters. Small clouds of flak exploded outside his fighter. “Shit my wing’s hit!” Matthew Barrel shouted over the radio “Still got control of my plane!” he added. As soon as Jack was over the airfield “Bombs away!” And so he dropped the 500-pound bomb and pulled away. “Hey Matthews your flying too low pull up!” the voice of Manuel Seal crackled over the radio but it was too late. Matthews had dropped his bomb but was at a very low altitude. He pulled up but the explosion had launched debris into the air and the debris had torn apart his rudder making the fighter immediately impact into the landing strip. Jack stared from his cockpit as the flaming wreckage of Matthews plane slid across the enemy airfield. Luckily his cockpit was still intact as the wreckage travelled down the airfield and once it stopped the plane didn’t disintegrate. Instead the plane was lying there and a small black dot came out of the flaming wreckage that looked as though he was on fire, while the simulated Japanese ground forces scrambled to the pilots position. “Ah shit, ah shit!” he screamed as he rolled on the grass of the enemy airfield. His legs and his left arm were on fire. Once the fires were extinguished the virtual pain was disabled and Matthew pulled out his Colt 45, making the Japanese soldiers stopped in their tracks to aim their rifles. Matthew quickly shot several rounds, taking down three guards when a rifle round struck his arm. He would be captured now. “Disconnect!” The friendly fighters continued to raid the airfield and once they had finished they began their short trip back to base. “ “That was strange… That was barely a squadron of fighters. Not even that,” Anne Jackson said over the radio. “ Yeah… That doesn’t make sense. Keep an eye out though, I think Echelon Squadron is up to some new tricks,” Jack answered, nervously watching his fuel meter. Then they saw it. The rest of the enemy squadron appeared from the east while the others came from the North, behind them. “Oh shit… Ambush! I want all flights except green to engage. Green flight is to continue to base!” Jack ordered his squadron. “Jack you’ve got a fuel leak! You should go with green flight!” Anne suggested to him. “Negative. I wouldn’t make it back to base. I’ll just fight these guys and eject when my fuels out.” Jack demanded as he aimed his plane at a Ki-46. He followed the plane and once it came into view he pressed the trigger and didn’t let go. He watched as his target blazed it’s guns wildly back at him and tore up his plane. Several bullets exiting Jack’s F4U soared through the air and entered the Japanese fighter engine, causing the gas to ignite but it doing it so violently it practically evaporated the cockpit. And leaving nothing more than tail of a plane that was plummeting into the pacific. Suddenly his plane was being bombarded with bullets but miraculously the F4U managed to survive the wave of bullets but the plane was leaking too much gas that he would have to resort to gliding in a matter of minutes. Though Jack was eager and he continued to fight the enemy squadron “Mayday, mayday I’m going down!” a voice crackled over the radios. Every few seconds there were members of his squadron and the enemy squadron reporting that they were losing control and plummeting into the deep depths of the ocean. “I got a fighter on my ass! Someone help!” Manuel asked over the radio. “ Shit I got two of these bastards on me!” Anne yelled over the radio. Jack couldn’t find his squadron members. He turned his fighter around as quickly as he could and released several bursts of fire on the surrounding fighters when he ran out of ammo and fuel. Not to mention there was a Ki-46 tailing him Freaking Figures! He thought to himself but there was only one course of action “I’m out guys!” he told his squadron as he slammed his fist on the panic button. Everything went green for a few moments as he disconnected from Virtual reality and into reality. The first thing he saw was a holographic screen and felt a tingly feeling in the back of his neck as a thin plug was automatically pulled out of his neck, away from the microchip implanted in his spinal chord. Once the holographic screen was pulled back he left the room and entered his quarters of the Battle Cruiser “Freedom” to write up the battle report of the simulation that he had been in for apparently two and a half hours. As he wrote up his report he reviewed a tape of the simulation, he was trying to spot a fault of his in the simulation for a full half hour before he got back to typing up his report. That was up until he saw crewmembers of the “Freedom” running up and down the hall “What the hell is going on?” he asked. Suddenly the holographic screen switched on: RED ALERT: Ship Status: 75% and damaged from Explosion in Deck 3. Thruster 1: 68% and damaged from Boragnian missile. Thruster 2: 98% and damaged from Boragnian missile. Thruster 3: 100% And functioning nominally Thruster 4: 60% and damaged from Boragnian missile Thruster 5: 100% and functioning nominally Thruster 6: 100% and functioning nominally Thruster 7: 98% and damaged from Boragnian fighter Thruster 8: 99% and damaged from Boragnian fighter Engine: 100% Hyperspace Engine: 100% ********************************************* PROXIMITY WARNING: INCOMING NUCLEAR MISSILES PROXIMITY WARNING: INCOMING BORAGNIAN FIGHTERS PROXIMITY WARNING: INCOMING BORAGNIAN CRUISERS PROXIMITY WARNING: INCOMING BORAGNIAN BOMBERS Jack sat there in his seat staring at the screen endlessly on the repeating message when another window popped up: NEW MESSAGE DELIVERED FROM ADMIRAL MAGNUS: All fighters are to report in at the hangar bays to fight off the enemy attack. Lets give them hell. Right then he jumped out of his seat and sprinted out of his quarters, racing for the elevator so he could take down the real-life threat. To Be Continued… P.S. I will be writing a prologue before writing the next event of this little “Series” Though I will be posting a poll for this story. This is not a linear story. Oh yes and I have realised that i've been writing stories and havent written the other chapters so dont bother pointing that out. I am working on it. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Last edited by sparta12 on Sat Apr 23, 2005 3:13 am; edited 10 times in total Back to top Author Reiso Respected Citizen Joined: 27 Oct 2004 Posts: 917 Location: Western North America Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 1:41 am    Post subject: This is definitely not a linear story. I like the pace and feel of this one, it's got an edge to it. Our friend is certainly in a lot of trouble with all those missles coming at him - can't wait to see what happens next. While you have definitely given control over to the players on this one, it seems to lean more on the creative side of things. Is this deliberate? Normally, the vote takes the place of a player deciding what his character would do as a response to circumstances, but in this case the decision is more over the circumstances themselves. Just wondering. _________________ Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ... In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, Who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter--bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter And because it is my heart."  -- Stephen Crane Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 2:14 am    Post subject: Very exciting, then the little twist at the end. The paragraphs seem a bit chunky. Hard on the eyes when reading online. Break them up a bit to make it easier to read. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 2:24 am    Post subject: WOW! I wasnt expecting such a reply from you Reiso. Yeah It's delibrate. I though that I might make the readers job a little bit more exciting. Err... Did you find any errors in this one? Just say yes or no. Also I'll get working on the paragraphs right away Fauna _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 2:33 am    Post subject: Re: Virtual sparta12 wrote: “fucking world war two fighters cant do shit!” he yelled. “thanks!” he shouted over the radio “roger that flying betty. Watch capitalization and punctutation. Also, to clarify breaking up paragraphs, a good start would be an extra space between dialog: There it was in the distance. He could see it as clear as day. “White flight cover us as we drop the eggs. Everyone else is to change flaps to combat and get ready to drop our eggs on these bastards,” Jack ordered as he flipped the switches in his cockpit so the flaps would lower. *space* “Copy that, sir,” his wingmen acknowledged. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 2:40 am    Post subject: okay thanks. I separated the paragraphs. I'll get working on your instructions right now though. And I have now Capitalized those sentences. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author Reiso Respected Citizen Joined: 27 Oct 2004 Posts: 917 Location: Western North America Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:01 am    Post subject: Yeah, the punctuation and spacing were a little buggy, but they are definite improvements over work you've done before. And to be honest, I'm getting less picky about stuff like that anyway. Not for my own tastes, but as far as Interfable goes. While it generally makes the story easier to read and is a consideration appreciated by the readers, the truth is that there are stories on the main page that aren't so hot with their formatting and punctuation. If this were some kind of professional publishing forum that would be a big deal, but content can make up for the occasional lapse, I think. I know I've been way critical about formatting before, but I have to stop applying my perfectionism to everyone. These are games, not novels. It's fun. And I ain't so perfect anyway. _________________ Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ... In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, Who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter--bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter And because it is my heart."  -- Stephen Crane Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:09 am    Post subject: Great work. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery lol! Though for me this is more of fun and practice. I'd like to try and be a reviewer or something that contains writing. I get As in this area at school _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:19 am    Post subject: sparta12 wrote: I get As in this area at school I knew your writing made sense and the flow of words was easy to read. Very descriptive. I hope I wasn't sounding picky! I'm just more inclined to read a story if the paragraphs don't look too daunting. Little paragraphs and adequate "white space" (well on these forums "black space") encourage an audience to read. Your story is good and I'm sure you posted it on here because you want people to read it. I just think more people will be inclined to read and enjoy your story that way. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:24 am    Post subject: Im not following you fauna. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:31 am    Post subject: sparta12 wrote: Im not following you fauna. Not following: as in you don't understand what I'm trying to say, or as in you just want me to shut up because I'm getting on your nerves? : _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:33 am    Post subject: lol. both! lol. no, no. Just the last bit here i didnt understand: Your story is good and I'm sure you posted it on here because you want people to read it. I just think more people will be inclined to read and enjoy your story that way. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:41 am    Post subject: Well, if a person clicks on your story and is faced with a sea of words, they might think, "I can never read all that!" and move on to another story. But if they see a small paragraph at the top, they think, "I'll just read that little paragraph up here." and they like what they read and continue reading your story. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:44 am    Post subject: that's my problem. I can never write a short story. Except "Fairly" short stories. I dunno... Maybe it's my obsession with writing epics. I dunno. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:50 am    Post subject: Well the story can be as long as you like. It's all a matter of perception. If you break it down then the reader doesn't realize just how much content there is. The audience can take it one paragraph at a time, the eyes get a break from all the words, and viola, the story is finished. If it's good (which this one is) then the audience wants more (which I do.) _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:52 am    Post subject: lol. I shall write more then. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 12:15 am    Post subject: Announcment: Im not going to be writing a prologue. You'll find that out in due time _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author Ravenwing Honorable IFian Joined: 18 May 2004 Posts: 3750 Location: Virginia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 2:36 pm    Post subject: So we all must wait and see what happens next time on Virtual!. 8) _________________ Stories New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice. Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM) Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words) Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. -Confucius Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:08 pm    Post subject: Indeed. And that shall be very soon. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 4:10 am    Post subject: Contains some coarse language Virtual Chapter 2: Incoming The pilots raced to the hangar bay as the lights in the hall flashed red so all crew members would immediately stand by at their battle stations to defend the ship and it’s crew of 3152. As each one of them got their uniforms on in the prep room, the hangar crew checked as many Phoenix MK II fighters so none of them would fail in mid-flight or even explode in the worst-case scenario. “Lieutenant Commander Art your fighter is ready to go. Bring it back in one peace okay!” Major Trammer informed the squadron leader as he climbed up the stairs to enter his cockpit “Don’t worry about it!” Jack replied as he strapped himself in yeah that’s what you said last time! Trammer didn’t say as his fighter moved towards the opening airlock “Phoenix, Iron-man One you are clear to take off!” the dock master confirmed him. “Roger that Dock master,” so Jack punched in the percentage of speed he wanted the engines to maintain, launching the fighter out of the airlock and into space. And into the barrage of enemy fighters and bombers. Admiral Magnus observed the battle radar and made a count of the enemy ships in the area “Get the Batteries online now!” Magnus ordered as he turned around to a chart of the sector. All he could do right now was make orders and brace for any nuclear bombs that come for his cruiser. “Batteries online now sir!” one of the crewman reported to him. Magnus turned back to the battle radar eagerly to see if any of the nuclear missiles were getting destroyed in their flight path. Tiny grey dots represented laser fire, Green was for their fighters, Orange was for their ships, Purple for civilian vessels, Red for enemy fighters, bombers, Blue for unidentified spacecrafts, Yellow for enemy cruisers etc. And White for Nuclear missiles. He watched nervously as a wave of battery fire soared across the radar and in relief one of the grey dots smashed into the nuclear missiles. The grey enemy fighters flew towards the human vessels and as soon as one of the enemy fighters crossed his path he pressed the trigger and released a short burst of rapid laser fire exited his fighters barrels and towards the enemy target. Some of the laser rounds missed the enemy fighter by a few inches but Jack smiled as he saw the Boragnian fighter implode in mid-flight “First-blood people!” he said over the radio all cocky and confident. Jack continued to fly through the firefight between the fleets, while manoeuvring through friendly and enemy battery fire. “Watch out Iron-man you’ve got a fighter on your ass!” he heard Vincent inform his squadron leader and immediately Jack was trying to find the Boragnian fighter that was on his six o’ clock but the Boragnian fighter wasn’t in his view. “Shit I can’t see him!” He said to his comrade “Hang on I’ll try to get to you!” Vincent replied Yeah right. Nuclear bombs, fighters, bombers and battery fire. What are the chances of him finding me? He thought as he spun his fighter around “I’m gonna try something here!” he said to his comrades and he immediately decreased the fighter’s throttle, pulled up and back down with more throttle to see his pursuer within his gun sights. He pressed the trigger as the crosshairs crossed the Boragnian fighter’s wing. The Boragnian spun around uncontrollably and before the fighter could implode an escape pod launched out “Oh no you don’t you son of a bitch!” he muttered and tapped the trigger a couple of times until the pod had practically disintegrated. “Incoming!” one of the crewman yelled out as he saw a nuclear missile coming at the ship “Forty-two seconds to impact!” another yelled. “Deploy a few counter measures!” Admiral Magnus ordered while hoping that the nuclear missile wouldn’t strike him. The least they could do right now was deploy counter-measures so the nuclear missile wouldn’t do it’s maximum damage. The batteries still had a chance of destroying the missile but when the missile was 20 seconds from impact they would have to pull back the batteries. All the crewmembers had to brace for impact because the ship was in the missiles blast radius. And they couldn’t use the ship’s thrusters to avoid the missile and they sure as hell weren’t going to leave the fight and go into hyperspace to avoid it. “Flagship Chimera has been hit!” the radioman shouted out and for a few seconds everyone stared at the radioman in silence when one of the ensign crewmembers looked back at his monitor “Thirty-one seconds to impact!” he informed them. “Squadron get away from the Cruiser! Everyone get away from the cruisers!” Iron man ordered squadron as he lined up his fighter for his attack run. He flipped over the cover on his joystick and immediately the computer changed crosshairs to a large circle with a dot in the middle his and another dot that would lock onto a target that would go around the small dot in the middle. A series of beeps suddenly sprung into action as the computer locked on to a Boragnian orbital station. As he got closer he watched the targeting system head towards the enemy fighter hangar “Oh I can’t wait for this!” Jack said eagerly with his finger on the trigger. Suddenly the series of beeps had finished, so Jack pressed the trigger and the bomb on the stomach of his fighter detached from it, started making it’s way to the enemy orbital station with a targeting system and a few thrusters. Immediately Jack turned around, continued to shoot down the enemy fighters and bombers but as he did so he tipped his wing to watch for the explosion. Finally as he avoided an enemy laser beam he felt the satisfaction of killing hundreds of enemies who had destroyed millions of humans. A fire lunged out of the fighter hangar and killed more enemy ships that were coming back in for repairs. “Fifteen seconds to impact!” a crewmember answered, grabbing on to an object “Those counter measures work like absolute crap,” Magnus’s second in command whispered to him “True. But it’s a fifty-fifty chance that they’ll run into those nukes,” he answered “Never worked for me when I was full admiral.” Second in command Mike Ballows grunted and then walked away to brace for impact. Suddenly the cruiser shook like crazy, the battle computer blacked out, they lost navigation control and all the other defences on the ship went offline. The entire cruiser was in disarray. All the lights in the cruiser went off for a few seconds and then switched back on. The crewmembers on the bridge immediately went back to their posts to get everything back online before another nuke could get them. “Shields down to forty-nine percent!” a crew member “Decks A to D in sections five to eleven have been hit and are suffering from depressurisation!” another crew member reported that would target the admiral. He thought for a moment of what his course of action would be and made it quickly “Give them forty seconds to evacuate the sectors and then lock them down.” He ordered. Immediately the radioman on the bridge started making the broadcast so the crewmembers in the missile inflicted areas. Admiral Magnus stood in the centre of the bridge, staring at the radar screens when a Blue object appeared on the battle screen right behind their ship “Holy shit! Unidentified cruiser at Nine o’ clock!” one of the crewman yelled out to the crewmembers. “Where the hell did that come from?” Anne shouted over the fighter radio “what are you talking about?” Matthew Barrels asked over the radio as he flew through the wreckage of a Boragnian fighter. “There’s a fucking cruiser that appeared right behind the Freedom Newbie!” Vincent yelled over the radio as he saw the cruiser hovering behind the cruiser. “Anne check your six!” Iron man said as he saw a green reticle circle her fighter on his crosshairs “Shit where’d this bastard come from!” she yelled as she twisted her neck to see the fighter. “Hang on I’ll try and get him!” Iron man informed her as he increased the throttle “Hurry up I think he’s trying to get a lock!” she said starting to get frantic. Jack positioned his fighter behind Anne’s pursuer when he noticed that it wasn’t a Boragnian fighter. “Sir that’s a Zorax cruiser at our nine o clock!” one of the crewmembers shouted out “Shit. Launch the nukes at them now!” the admiral yelled back at him “Must’ve employed them while they were tracking us?” the second in command suggested “If they were tracking us that is,” the admiral corrected his comrade “If indeed.” Anxiously the admiral turned around and saw three nuclear warheads coming out of his cruiser “Nuclear missiles One, two and three are away!” another crewmember yelled out, the admiral watched the three white dots on the screen head towards the enemy ship, the Zorax ship put on a wave of battery fire to suppress on the humans and the nukes. When one of the nuclear missiles got halfway the enemy battery fire destroyed it and the admiral clenched his fist as he watched the other two nuclear missiles head for the enemy ship. The battery fire came at the nuclear missiles like a tsunami and three of the battery fire smashed into the third nuclear missile while the last one soared through space and left a trail of fuel and got into the nuclear’s explosion radius area. The battery fire seemed to be going more rapid rather than accurate now and the admiral grinned as the nuclear bomb smashed into the Zorax cruiser. The crew on the bridge let out a cheer of success as they heard a loud rumble outside the cruiser. It was now time for their beam turrets to take down the shields fast and if they got the shields down they could tear open parts of the ship. That would be a very ideal situation for their bombers. Jack held the trigger and didn’t let go. A blue barrier appeared as the laser rounds impacted on the Zoraxian fighter. The fighter tried to pull away from Anne while manoeuvring from the other human’s lasers “ Your six is clear Ace!” Jack shouted as he chased the Zoraxian fighter. He fired endlessly until the fighter’s shields were down. Then one of the laser rounds smashed into the fuel tank of the fighter but it wasn’t going to blow up. The fuel leaked out, changed into ice and Jack got an idea that made him a complete smartass. He increased throttle to 100% banked his wing left, made the rudders turn left (up) and then the wing clipped the emptying fuel tank. The fuel tank shook violently and lit up the inside of the fighter. “Eat that you bastard!” Jack yelled out at the fighter as it gradually imploded. Suddenly his fighter shook and he looked at his fighter model on the computer. Then he looked back up and saw a Boragnian fighter flying past him. He looked back down and saw completely on the computer that his rudder had been torn off of the ship and he thought back to see that the fighter that had just past him had part of the wing missing. Son of a bitch clipped my rudder off! He realised “This is Iron man. Mayday, mayday my rudder’s been clipped off and I need an escort to get back to the cruiser!” he started broadcasting “I’ll carry your ass back,” Matthew Barrels answered him as a friendly fighter appeared on the crosshairs, a green reticle came around and a name appeared on the top line of the reticle: Petty Flight Officer Barrels, Matthews it read. “Sir the enemy cruiser has launched six nuclear missiles!” A crewmember shouted out, checking his monitor. The admiral picked up his radio and tuned it in for the Chimera fleet “This is Admiral Magnus of the cruiser: Freedom. Anyone help our cruiser out a Zoraxian cruiser is firing six nuclear missiles at us! We need assistance!” the admiral broadcasted immediately and waited for a while and checking the battle radar. “Roger that Freedom this is the cruiser: Hawk coming to your position.” a voice finally answered. The battery fire was spread out across the area, it wasn’t very effective and not to mention that it would only be a matter of seconds before the nukes would be within their damage area in seconds. “Recall all fighters and bombers… We have to make a jump. Ensign! Make a hyperspace jump to Sector C One of the Dragoon system!” the admiral ordered, realising that the fight was already over for them. He picked up the radio and made another broadcast to the fleet “Chimera this is Cruiser Freedom. These nukes are going to do serious damage to our ship so we’re going to be jumping to sector C One of the Dragoon system!” he reported and then switched the radio to the dock master “Dock master Former recall all the fighters and bombers! We’re going to be making a hyperspace jump in a few minutes!” he informed him. All of the fighters were flying like crazy back to the cruiser, especially with their afterburners on. It was time to get the hell out of there but for Jack. It was more of an evasion of fighters/bombers to get the hell out of the battlefield and return to the hangar. His fighter shook uncontrollably without the rudder but he managed to keep it aiming at the friendly cruiser “Newbie! Break off from me and get the hell back to the hangar quick!” Jack ordered the pilot that was sticking with him at half the maximum speed “Dockmaster this is Iron man, my rudder is gone! I’m coming in fast and hard!” he yelled over the radio, sitting in a suit that was half-full of his own sweat. “Roger that Iron man but just to let you know I cant make way for you on the landing so be careful!” the dockmaster replied. The fighters competed for the landing bays by pulling all kinds of manoeuvres, as Jack pulled down his landing gear but the other pilots weren’t showing him any respect and were cutting him off like it was highway traffic. Suddenly one of the pilots nudged him and Jack was going off course “Son of a bitch!” he muttered to himself. He pulled the fighter back on course and hit the landing bay deck hard causing sparks to fly out underneath. Not to mention parts of the landing gear where braking off. The gear was just a small platform where the gears would slide across the deck and the front thrusters would be used as brakes. The bridge shook uncontrollably as the first nuclear missile impacted on the cruiser and caused severe damage. “Shields down to twenty-two percent! The Hyperspace generator’s been damaged as well sir!” a crewman shouted out “How many fighters and bombers are in?” the admiral asked “Three quarters of the fighters are in. The bombers are completely in though!” an Ensign reported. The admiral waited for a few seconds and gave the fighters time when the second nuke hit the ship “Close down all the damaged decks from the first nuke! Give the people in the damaged decks a few seconds to evacuate, then close down the decks and we’ll jump!” the admiral decided immediately after the lights came back on. They waited impatiently for the admiral to give the order to jump, it seemed forever until he said it and that was only twenty-five seconds. The ship drifted endlessly through the nebula of the Dragoon system. It was time for them to calm down and count their losses. “Power generator is down thirty-percent. I’ll send a few technicians down there now sir!” an ensign reported “Can you just give us a status report on paper ensign?” Mike Ballows interrupted slightly irritated by the event. The pilot of the ship used the thrusters to get the ship upright and the second in command left the bridge to go to his quarters. It was time for them to calm down. “Sir another cruiser has just appeared on our scanners!” To be continued… P.S. This chapter is two pages longer than intended. Sorry for that. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Last edited by sparta12 on Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:53 am; edited 2 times in total Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 7:45 am    Post subject: You are doing alot better on breaking up your paragraphs for posting online. The content is good. You offer a lot of detail and description without making it all sound like a dry list. Be aware of spelling, grammer, and other mechanics of writing. Some sentences read awkwardly. sparta wrote: It was time to get the hell out of there but for Jack it was time to evade friendly fighters/bombers, also get the hell out of the battlefield and to get back to the hangar. Try revising a sentence like this to make it clearer for the reader. Quote: The time had come to get the hell out of there. For Jack, the time also requires evasion of friendly fighters and bombers. He needs to get the hell out of the battlefield and return to the hangar...... Keep it up! This story is shaping up well. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 1:46 pm    Post subject: eep. I should've held this chapter back a day. I came back from Rock climbing at 10 and had to finish the story and I was a wee bit tired. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:45 am    Post subject: aww man no one nominated any of my stories. What luck Excuse me for double posting. The grammar will be fixed in a moment .... Okay done. Im gonna get Reiso to delete the poll. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:25 am    Post subject: No one has nominated your story YET. Keep wowing us with exciting chapters and don't give up. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:14 pm    Post subject: *salutes* Oh and another "Creative" poll has been installed. And I'll use a qoute from a very popular game. "It's Time To Choose," P.S. "It's Time To Choose Mr. Freeman," G-Man _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author kingcappie Guest Items Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:50 pm    Post subject: I think it is a Zoraxian Cruiser with different intentions. At least that will add a unique twist in the plot. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:28 pm    Post subject: True. And It makes writing the story more fun. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author kingcappie Guest Items Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:26 am    Post subject: When's the next chapter coming? Sorry but I'm impatient. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:20 pm    Post subject: lol. sorry I've been a bit busy. It'll be up in a couple of hours. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:33 am    Post subject: Virtual Chapter 3: Intentions How the hell did they know where we were going? The admiral thought to himself “Get the defences back online, get in contact with Chimera and tell them we need assistance!” he ordered “But sir-” the crewman was cut off by the admiral “Just do it ensign!” he said angrily “But sir there isn’t anything there! Something hypered in but our scanners aren’t reading it!” the ensign informed him “Check thermal!” he told the ensign and he stood there for a moment as the rest of the crew members onboard got the defence systems back online. The admiral stood there waiting for the results of the Thermal scanners would show while he tapped is foot on the floor rapidly. “Nothing sir!” the ensign reported back “Okay send a scout ship to get a closer look on the entry point. Tell them to get within five clicks of the entry point and then fire a few laser rounds. That should get them on thermal!” the admiral said turning towards the crewmember standing right behind him. “Vincent where are you going?” Anne asked as she strolled back down the hall and towards the briefing room “I got orders coming from Magnus to scout out something with newbie,” he answered, stopping in his track while he was going back to the prep room “The battle’s over. What’s to scout?” Anne asked him shrugged her shoulders “I’ll tell you later.” Vincent answered and walked into the prep room. Anne stood there for a moment thinking, then opened the door and waltzed into the briefing room to see a couple of empty seats. She was use to it by now but it always stops her in her tracks, when she sees a few people missing from the squadron and after a few moments she got into her seat “Now that everyone’s here I’ll just begin the meeting,” Jack Art said up on the stage in the front of the room. “We lost eight pilots in the battle. I’m still waiting for the list of the casualties. Anyway the Admiral wants us to standby just in case of any other incoming,” there was a long sound of discomfort coming from the squadron “Yeah, yeah I hear you guys. But I doubt that we’ll be stuck in the cockpits for seventy-two hours this time around,” Jack informed the squadron and got some chuckles from his fellow pilots “Our squadron is going to be patrolling the cruiser five at a time. The duty roster will be updated to your computers in all of your quarters. That about sums it up for now. Feel free to move about the ship but keep your suits on. Dismissed,” Jack finished up, made a salute and then left the room before his comrades. Some of the pilots went back to their quarters because for some it was time to make yet another battle report to submit to their superiors while some of them chose to do that later and fit in some recreation. Of course on this cruiser recreation met that it was time to hit the bar, play poker and enjoy happy time. “Thrusters are online sir,” Matthew answered as he looked at the computer that was on the dashboard of the scout ship “Alright let’s take her out,” Vincent ordered and grabbed the two hand Joystick. He lifted the throttle for engine one up to fifty percent using the lever and then did the same with thing with the second lever that connected to engine two. Matthew Switched on the bottom thrusters and as the large scout ship moved forward it started lifting itself up. Slowly the large scout fighter gained speed and then shot out of a hole within the cruiser. “Newbie. Don’t touch the damn joystick unless I tell you!” Vincent said to Matthew “But sir I didn’t even touch it!” Matthew debated with his superior. Vincent gave him a look of sarcasm “guys stop arguing and just fly the damn thing. We’re missing out on happy hour,” Petty officer Rodriguez intervened as he turned away from the computers behind the pilot seats “Okay, okay… This is going to be impossible fighting Zoraxians in a freakin nebula,” Matthew pointed out as he stared through space. Slowly Vincent pulled back on the joystick, the fighter rose above the cruiser and continued to follow its flight path. After about a minute of flying through the aqua, purple and blue clouds of the nebula when Matthew pressed two buttons on the dashboard that initiated the front thrusters so it could make the fighter come to a halt. “This is Hawkeye two we’re in position and ready to fire Freedom,” Vincent reported back to the ship. Vincent wondered if the Freedom would understand what exactly he was saying, after all they were in a nebula and that would cause a pile of static over the radios. “Roger that Hawkeye Two report back after you’ve fired each round.” A voice answered. Vincent didn’t comply and got ready to fire the laser rounds at the entry point. He squeezed the trigger; a large laser exited the barrel on the left side of the fighter and Vincent watched with intent as the laser soared through the nebula until it was no longer visible. But nothing happened. “This is Hawkeye Two. Laser round one did not hit anything. Preparing to fire the second laser round,” Vincent reported after thirty seconds. Vincent pulled back on the levers so the engines were working at twenty percent but as they approached something struck engine two “What the hell!” Matthew yelled as the cockpit shook for a moment. “We must’ve been hit by something in a storm!” Rodriguez suggested “Oh shit! That’s a negative sir! Engine two is on fire and losing power fast!” Vincent corrected as he got a visual on the second engine “ Freedom this is Hawkeye Two! Mayday, mayday! Our second engine has been hit and is on fire!” Vincent reported to the cruiser “Roger that Hawkeye Two! Try and get back here, we’re opening the portside emergency landing bay!” the voice answered them. Vincent didn’t answer them and immediately shutdown the second engine “Rodriguez! Initiate the fire extinguishers! I’m gonna take this baby back to the cruiser!” Vincent ordered his crew in reaction. Rodriguez typed in the command to put out the engine fire and immediately the extinguishers within the right engine-starting going off. Thankfully the fire went out and Vincent was flying the big ship with one engine set to full throttle that kept trying to bank right and so Vincent was battling the controls and was about to put down the landing gear when something hit the first engine on the starboard side. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding!” Vincent yelled as he looked at the left engine but it wasn’t on fire luckily enough. The ship starting to move away from the Freedom cruiser and in reverse slowly “What the hell is this?” Matthews asked his fellow crewmembers “I’ll tell you… They’re dragging us in!” Vincent answered “Freedom this is Hawkeye Two Zoraxian cruiser is in the area!” Rodriguez reported over the radio “Copy that Hawkeye Two. Do you have Visual confirmation and co-ordinates?” the operator asked “Negative, negative we do not have visual confirmation but we’re being dragged in! We’ll activate the beacon!” Rodriguez reported. “Uh… Repeat the last sentence Hawkeye Two. You’re breaking –” alas… They lost radio contact with the cruiser. “What the hell is this?” Matthews asked again frightened, nervous and furious “Look here’s what happens newbie. They shoot our engines but only damage them so we cant move. Within a minute they shut down the radio and they override our system to use our thrusters to bring us in.” Vincent said calmly while looking relaxed in his seat “So what the hell do we do now?” Matthew asked scared. Vincent stared blankly at the newbie pilot for a good twenty minutes when he drew out his side arm. “We just lost contact with Hawkeye Two sir!” the operator reported to his CO “What? How?” the Commanding Officer asked the ensign “I don’t know sir but here’s their last message before we lost contact,” and the ensign replayed the last few sentences that came from Hawkeye Two “Alright. I’ll run this up to the admiral and keep trying to reach Hawkeye Two!” the CO answered him and took a square chip out of the computer and sprinted to the elevator down the hall. “Looks like the bastards our somewhere in the nebula. Ready the batteries and get me the radio. They might’ve dragged them into their cruiser so we may be able to compromise with them,” the admiral answered to the CO and then saluted him so he could get back to his duties. The admiral picked up the hand radio, set it to scan so he could talk on all channels to whom it may concern within the nebula “This is the Cruiser Freedom of the ESDF whoever is out there please respond,” the admiral began. He waited for forty seconds until something came back through the speakers “This Galactu of the Zoraxian cruiser “Warmonger” we hear you Freedom,” the voice answered through static “Roger that Warmonger. We understand that you are dragging in three of our pilots is that correct?” the admiral asked an obvious question that had an obvious answer “We hold three prisoners of war. Nothing else,” Galactu answered him “I have an offer for you Galactu. It involves numbers,” the Admiral said giving a grin “No you do not Admiral. We have an offer for you. We fight as a convoy for you, we get payed five hundred credits a month or we execute your prisoners and then we execute the rest of your crew.” Galactu corrected the admiral. The admiral thought for a long time once more and knew that he had to say yes to the Zoraxian but he only had the money to last three months and after that. They’d be dead for sure. “Fine. But we only have enough credits to last three months at your price.” The admiral answered. “Then we shall compromise.” Vincent pulled back the barrel of his side arm and looked all about the body of the fighter. Suddenly there was a loud thud that came from the roof and Vincent got out of his seat “Rodriguez get over here and draw out your side arm!” Vincent ordered him and immediately the crewmember walked over to the front side of the fighter but stumbled to draw out his side arm. “I can’t do that man!” he said shaking his hands as he dropped his side arm on the steel floor “What the hell do you mean you cant do it?” Matthew barked at him “I’m a pacifist. I can’t hurt anybody… Man I get nausea at the sight of blood!” he answered him “Oh for fuck sake you man a scout fighter! You prepare our weapons!” he yelled out at him “Yeah but I’m not directly hurting anybody!” he pointed out in response “Just get behind me and crouch okay!” Vincent ordered the pacifist flight crewmember. Rodriguez walked over to him and Vincent moved forward so Rodriguez could take cover. They heard several thuds, as the Zoraxian soldiers got ready to open the hatch and come on in. They watched, as the bolts on the roof of the fighter were unscrewed and plummet onto the steel floor. When the hatch fell onto the deck of the fighter a Zoraxian soldier dropped in with a large thick rifle. Vincent squeezed off a round and a round from the side arm slammed into the Zoraxians forehead leaving the bald green creature in a pool of oozy yellow blood. Another Zoraxian jumped down, moved to side to let a comrade come in but was shot in the leg by Matthew. The Zoraxian let out a scream in pain and fired a three round burst from his rifle. One of the rounds smashed into his leg, electrifying him for a few seconds and then falling onto the ground. Vincent fired two rounds, one hitting the wounded Zoraxian in the chest and the other killing the Zoraxian by practically destroying its heart. The next Zoraxian jumped down but rolled forwards and shot Vincent in the leg while Vincent fired too late. He felt a powerful jab in his leg, suddenly electricity passed through his body burning his insides endlessly until he felt numb in his legs and fell to the ground… Then everything went black on Vincent. “Sir I still cant get patched through to Chimera… It’s like they’ve just disappeared,” one of the radiomen informed the admiral “Damn it… They’ve jammed our communications system so we can only talk to them and only them!” the admiral said to himself in the centre of the bridge. “One hundred and twenty five thousand credits it is then!” the admiral accepted over the bridge radio to the Zoraxian Cruiser “One hundred and sixty thousand credits. You’re captured prisoner has killed two of my men.” Galactu proposed to the admiral “Deal. Now unblock our communications,” The admiral confirmed over the radio, Magnus then walked over to his radioman “Make an announcement to alpha squad of “The Flying Phoenix” squadron. Tell them we need them on patrol ASAP.” He ordered and then turned away from the bridge to make his way to the airlock. The Zoraxians entered a fairly large ship, very square, not very maneuverable due to the lack of thrusters and did not contain any defenses. This would show the humans that this boarding party did not mean any harm. As the Zoraxian ambassadors walked up the ramp and into the ship they were accompanied by two bodyguards but they were both unarmed so they could only shield their leaders from gunshots. They sat down in their seats both bodyguards sitting next to the ambassadors but one of them was nervous. "something wrong?" an ambassador asked the bodyguard "I am just worried of what the humans might do sir," he lied as he felt for the hidden pocket on his pants and fiddled with the hidden four inch knife. The humans would not be able to detect the knife with their monitors and for that he chuckled to himself... To be continued. Hope you enjoyed this one. It isnt a shoot em up. But the next one is going to be interesting. Hint: Fighter battle and more... _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Last edited by sparta12 on Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:44 pm; edited 2 times in total Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 2:01 am    Post subject: Hey Sparta, It's been a while but I found time to read your story. Very different from anything else on the boards at the moment Your writing is good, with only a few mistakes. Have a check through Chapter 3 again, I noticed more mistakes in that one than the other 2 combined. You're not making the SGOTM vote easy...sigh Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 2:17 am    Post subject: thanks. I'll read through it. King Cappie and his impatience made me hurry up the chapter. ... I've corrected the chapter. I cant believe i spelt fell instead of feel. Seems so obvious. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 4:36 am    Post subject: I enjoyed it immensely. Doesn't have to be a shoot-em-up to move the game along and capture interest. Good job. Besides, the slaughter of a couple of Zoraxians read pretty graphically to me. I didn't really see a decision point, but you said more was coming. Maybe you're going to write one in? _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author kingcappie Guest Items Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:21 am    Post subject: sparta12 wrote: King Cappie and his impatience made me hurry up the chapter... Sure, blame me. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:24 pm    Post subject: kingcappie wrote: When's the next chapter coming? Sorry but I'm impatient. here's your reason why i blame you king cappie . Thanks for that comment Fauna. Well with the slaughter of the three Zoraxians the books I read (mainly Tom Clancy) are graphic per se. I guess something caught on. I was actually reffering to the next chapter Fauna but if you guys wanted I could write some more in? _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:10 am    Post subject: It's actually up to you. I think a good decision point at the end of every chapter works, but have seen other authors split chapters into part A and part B, with the decision point at the end of part B. If you've completed this segment then I say write the next chapter and just put the poll at the end of it. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:17 am    Post subject: I wasnt thinking of putting it into a Part A and a Part B. I was more of thinking of just editing it so it'd be a bit longer and a more entertaining decision point.... Now to put up that poll. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:28 am    Post subject: That works, too. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:32 am    Post subject: so is that a yes or a no? Or do you guys want me to just put up the poll and get on with it? _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:38 am    Post subject: WRITE MORE, the zombie legions say.... WRITE MORE, and then put up a poll. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 10:11 pm    Post subject: yes master, yes master! _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:54 pm    Post subject: I added an extra paragraph and the poll is up. Enjoy ethereal, kingcappie. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 8:16 pm    Post subject: I think he is a saboteur. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 2:27 am    Post subject: Hey, I'm still reading too. I've gone for revenge. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author sparta12 not logged in Guest Items Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 2:49 am    Post subject: Thank god. I thought I only had two readers. Back to top Author Reiso Respected Citizen Joined: 27 Oct 2004 Posts: 917 Location: Western North America Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 1:33 pm    Post subject: I don't always post on everything I read Sparta, but I keep an eye on this one. I too have voted for revenge, but I am afriad that gives you a tie. I hope someone comes along to break it. Ties suck. Especially for the writer. _________________ Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ... In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, Who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter--bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter And because it is my heart."  -- Stephen Crane Back to top Author kingcappie Guest Items Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:46 pm    Post subject: I don't post on everything I read either. I also think this Zoraxian intends sabatoge. Keep up the good writing. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:52 pm    Post subject: alrighty then. I'll be getting to work on the next chapter. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2005 2:46 am    Post subject: maaaaaan thats packed full of action nice one mate Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2005 2:51 am    Post subject: thanks. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 12:48 am    Post subject: Annoucnement: The next chapter will be up tomorrow as it will be my aim to get it up very early tomorrow. It is going to be an action packed chapter so buckle up. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 7:55 pm    Post subject: Virtual Chapter 4: Collateral Damage *Warning: This Chapter contains coarse language and violent* The Zoraxian bodyguard stared intently at the humans as the unarmed ship moved slowly towards the Freedom Cruiser. Humans… They fight so feebly. The mercenary thought to himself as he stared into the half-conscious eyes of Vincent and looked at the computer implanted in his right arm to see how close the ship was getting to the human cruiser. “Hey… Hey Gumby Green!” Vincent shouted over to the Zoraxian Bodyguard “What is it human?” the Zoraxian responded to the disorientated pilot “I hope they tear your organshh out and crushhh it into pile of crapsh when we get on board,” Vincent threatened, incorrectly pronouncing some words in his speech “You know human I could do that with my one hand?” The Zoraxian replied with an evil grin on his face while Vincent just grinned back at the mercenary. “The ship’s current status is set to Yellow. All non-armed personnel are to get to their battle stations. All armed personnel are to report to Airlock Five immediately, repeat: all armed personnel are to report to Airlock Five immediately! Alpha squad of “The Flying Phoenix” squadron are to fall in at airlock two immediately. All other pilots are to report to Airlock Five.” A voice echoed through the speakers and throughout the whole ship. Tiredly the crewmembers of the Freedom cruiser sprinted around the narrow halls of the cruiser. “Zoraxians? When did they get here?” Anne asked as she walked across the hangar deck towards her fighter “Apparently they came in with us. We only found out they were here a few minutes ago,” Jack informed her, walking with one of the best pilots in his squadron “Why does that not surprise me?” Anne muttered back to her commanding officer. “Yeah, tell me about it. Also Anne when we get back we have to fight in the virtual room!” The Lieutenant Commander shouted out as Anne climbed up the ladders and into the cockpit of her fighter. “Keep the safety on people! Don’t fire unless fired upon!” The Captain yelled out to his Platoon of Marines that had taken cover in Airlock Five. The marines had their Sub-Machine-Guns at the ready with pilots next to them with side arms. “Airlock opening in Ten seconds!” a voice yelled over the speakerphone behind the company of marines and pilots. The Marines immediately placed their oxygen masks on their mouths and waited patiently as the grey airlock doors began to open in front of them. As it opened they could see a large ship, looked like a large 3D square with wings but with no weapons and by the looks of it, it was an X-Ray class ship. As it slowly backed up into the airlock and then landed in the centre so it could open its hatch for them to see that they were surrounded by Armed-Humans. The Admiral walked up to the hatch unarmed but with two marines covering him as bodyguards. The large hatch fell open and the three captured pilots were pushed out and slid across the airlock deck with masks on their faces luckily enough. The two marines drew out their sub-machine-guns and aimed for the darkness of the large hatch while a few more marines with a medic sprinted forwards to grab the pilots. Six Zoraxians came out but Admiral could easily identify who was who. There were two pilots, two bodyguards and the two ambassadors he would talk to privately later on. “Damn it!” Gunnery Sergeant Paul Thoria yelled out over the radio in annoyance “What is it?” Jack asked his comrade as he turned his head left to see if there was anything wrong with the pilot’s ship “Fuel… Those bastards forgot to give my baby juice!” he chuckled over the radio as he informed his comrade “Ha, ha, ha. Okay return to the cruiser and get whoever’s next on the roster to get out here.” Jack ordered “Rogeo-dadeo,” the cocky pilot responded, broke off from the squad’s formation and flew back through the nebula. Bah! Humans! They’re weak… It is certainly an honour to have to destroy them! The Zoraxian bodyguard thought in his mind with utter disgust of the human species. The humans had created a human corridor by surrounding the Zoraxians and staring at them endlessly. Swiftly the Zoraxian slipped through the crowd surrounding them in the hangar deck and began approaching one of the fighters This should prove to me if he isn’t lying about these demolition charges Barich thought as he planted a round hand-sized demolitions charge. Immediately the Zoraxian bodyguard snuck back through the crowds and gave the ambassadors a reasonable answer for his absence. “ I must admit you gave us quite a scare when we opened the hatch,” One of the ambassadors informed the admiral “I’m sorry for that but we just want to be safe. Our ship is badly damaged and we just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to board us,” Admiral Magnus informed them as they walked through the security checkpoint and the lasers in the doorframe scanned them for any sharp or dangerous objects. “Jesus the ship looks really fucked up from here,” Gunnery Sergeant Steven Halloway said as he drove his fighter into formation and caught a glimpse of the damaged cruiser “Yeah. It’s always strange how it doesn’t seem so damage from the inside but on the outside it looks like it’s gone through hell,” Anne answered the pilot while decreasing her throttle. The cruiser had been severely damaged and through the nebula they could see flashing lights that indicated the areas that were damaged. “There’s something I don’t like about those Zoraxians… Why did they choose to help us instead of hunting us down like the others to collect on their bounty? It’s peculiar,” Steven said speaking his mind once more “Steven I don’t know. Maybe someone’s looking out for us, maybe they’re helping us because they find Anne attractive or maybe their captain is a saint? Who gives a shit? As long as they’re helping us I ain’t complaining!” Jack answered the pilot who was starting to get on this nerves with how much he spoke his mind. Jack looked back to his radar screen and saw two inbound fighters approaching his squad “We got bogey’s! Get into attack formation now!” Jack yelled out to his squad over the radio and immediately increased his speed. “Looks like a couple of Boragnian scouts!” Anne said giving an obvious analysis of the situation. “David report this back to the cruiser. Let’s get them before they jump back out!” Jack ordered one of his squad members and quickly approached the enemy fighters with his team members beside his fighter. Jack lifted his head up from the radar to see the two fighters coming out of the clouds of the nebula and into his field of vision. Jack immediately pulled the trigger on his joystick, releasing a small burst of laser rounds from his fighter and sped towards the enemy fighter he was aiming for. The Lieutenant Commander watched intently and smiled as the laser rounds smashed into the fighter but didn’t cause it to implode. Instead a large piece of its body had been shot off and the Boragnian inside would have very little oxygen to go on in his suit. In reaction the fighter broke off from its partner, initiated it’s forward thrusters, did a flip and headed back in his foe’s direction firing it’s laser rounds wildly. Jack battled with his joystick, attempting to get a shot in while avoiding the cluster of laser rounds soaring at him but the alien bastard got a lucky shot in and shot the nose of his fighter. Before going into a vortex of a stall Jack pulled the trigger once more releasing an ongoing wave of laser rounds heading towards his opponent. The Boragnian made an attempt to avoid the lasers but made a too late reaction as the lasers impacted all over the fighter and thus causing it to implode in on the alien occupant. “Yeah! Eat shit you alien bastard!” Jack yelled out in triumph as he caught a glimpse of the wreckage. “Jack look to your three o’ clock now!” Anne’s voice crackled over his radio, immediately Jack did so but only to see the second coming at him and lining up to get him while Anne’s fighter was frantically firing laser rounds at him from behind. “Shit!” Jack said in reaction and flicked the lever to full throttle so he could get out of the way before Anne could blow the Boragnian to bits. Finally Anne got the right aim and the laser rounds entered the Boragnian engines, causing a fire inside the fighter but one of the rounds from that burst smashed into Jack’s wing, leaving a tiny hole. “Hey friendly fire!” Jack laughed as he looked at the tiny whole in his right wing “Okay people let’s get back to Freedom!” Jack ordered shortly after chuckling to himself and quickly the squad formed up on him. “Did you see that shot I got in on that guy! Right on the wing!” Steven bragged as they slowly headed back to the cruiser for debriefing on their patrol. “Yeah I did that was a nice shot. You forced him to do a barrel roll!” Anne complimented to the gunny. “What the hell!” The gunny suddenly shouted out randomly “I’m losing control of my fighter! Thrusters are shutting down… Losing navigational computer! Something’s wrong!” Steven shouted out over the radio. Anne looked over to check on the Gunnery Sergeant and immediately saw that his cockpit had lost all power along with his engine. The gunny was drifting into the nebula “Gunny listen to me! I need you to get out of your cockpit! We’ll tow your fighter back. Just do as I say!” Anne ordered the gunny as she broke formation and hovered over his fighter. Slowly Jack and Anne watched the pilot manually open up the canopy and drifted out into space in his suit. The gunny looked pulled out the oxygen monitor “Oh shit! I left this thing on! I’ve only got five minutes of oxygen left!” the gunny screamed over the radio “Just hang on Gunny we’ll get you out of there!” “Gunny listen to me. I’m swinging by you right now. When I come around I want you to grab onto my rudder and grab it tight!” Jack yelled out to the gunny over the radio. The gunnery sergeant turned his head to the right and could see Jack’s damaged ship moving at 5 knots towards him. Steven put his arms out nervously, ready to grab the rudder of the damaged ship while Anne started moving into a position to tow the fighter. “Son of a bitch!” Anne’s voice cried out over the radio. Steven suddenly felt as though he was being sucked into a vacuum and in confusion Steven looked down to see that his fighter was imploding in on itself unexpectedly with Anne’s fighter also being sucked in. “Help me!” Steven cried out in terror “Gunny grab on!” Jack’s voice yelled over the radio, immediately Steven turned around and grabbed onto the hunk of metal in front of him. “Anne go full throttle now!” Jack yelled out to Anne as he soared out into the nebula with his comrade David beside him. “Freedom cruiser this is Lieutenant Commander Jack Art I need to use the emergency landing bay now!” Jack yelled over the radio as he lowered the gear and flew his ship towards the cruiser in front of him that grew larger as he got closer to the cruiser. “Roger that Lieutenant Commander. What is the reason?” a calm voice answered over the radio. Suddenly Jack’s cockpit started flashing and in reaction he looked down at his radar and it was showing the schematics of his fighter. There was a fire in the nose of his fighter. However he could only control the flames with the fire extinguishers inside the fighter for a certain amount of time so he needed to be grease lightning and get the hell out of the nebula. “I have a fire in the nose of my fighter and it is severely damaged!” he answered, turning on the fire extinguishers and toggling the landing gear. He turned back to his crosshairs to see that the emergency landing bay door was opening but the only problem now was that Jack was coming into fast and would crash when he got in. I must be nuts! He thought to himself as he lowered the ship onto the ground, slid across the long bay with his front thrusters going off and brakes on. “Gunny hold on whatever you do hold on! We’re coming in fast!” Jack yelled over the radio, pulling up to help decrease his speed. Jack pressed his foot on the right pedal hard and immediately the ship turned right and impacted into the wall of the Freedom cruiser’s emergency landing bay with minor damage. He opened up the cockpit immediately and looked at his rudder to see Gunnery Sergeant Steven Morris had disappeared. Jack looked all around the bay and saw the gunny’s body on the ground against the wall but he was still moving. Slowly Steven raised his right arm and gave the Lieutenant Commander a thumbs up before falling unconscious. Barich came out of his guest quarters, walked along the hall of C Deck onboard the Freedom cruiser. They will regret giving me the privilege to walk around freely he thought deviously as he headed towards an empty elevator an immediately pulled up the schematics on his implanted computer. He looked back at the elevator buttons and pressed the one for D deck. He walked through the hallway with security personnel occasionally staring at him as though he were a zombie or some kind of monster. He turned right at the second hall and stopped in front of two guards guarding the surveillance room “I have permission to look at your surveillance system from the admiral,” he explained, holding up a piece of paper but the guards gave him a look but once they saw he was bluffing they let him in. Impressive he thought as he looked around the large room. The humans inside were monitoring sections of the desk with computers and working on other security measures like civilians who were carrying contraband items. Barich looked around for a good 10 minutes before he decided that it was time to get to work. He walked over to one of the private rooms, opened the door, closed it and inserted a seven inch blade into the person’s spinal chord so he couldn’t make a sound or make a mess for when Barich left. Immediately he got to work and jammed all feed from Section B on C deck and Section E on F deck. Section B (The locker room), C Deck of the Freedom cruiser: “So what happened out there Rodriguez?” one of the security guards asked as he put on his Kevlar vest “Well we flew out there without a hitch. Everything was fine when one of the engines started to go. So Vincent turned the ship around and tried to fly back when the second engine went out. So then they pulled us in with a tractor beam but Vincent and Matthew didn’t want to give up. So they nailed a couple of Zoraxians before they got us.” Paul informed him as he closed his locker door “Wow. But did you see anything on board the ship?” the guard asked once more “No we were unconscious at that time so-” suddenly the cruisers started rumbling uncontrollably for some reason. All the personnel inside fell to the ground but quickly got back up on his feet. Paul turned around to get out of the locker room and find out what was happening when he saw one of the Zoraxians that came on board standing there at the door. “Excuse me sir you’re not suppose to be here! Please go back to your-” the security guard in front of him said but for some reason he stopped in mid-sentence, make a hiccup noise and fell to the ground with blood exiting his body. “Oh my god!” Paul said in reaction but everyone else stared at the body when the Zoraxian screamed and inserted a knife into one of the pilot’s chest. “Take him down!” one of the security guards screamed as he tried to get his side arm out of his holster and simultaneously the other guards did the same. However the Zoraxian was too fast, sprinted towards anyone in the room and slit their necks with his knife. It wasn’t too long before all the guards were dead and the pilots along with the other personnel were trying to get out of the room. The Zoraxian had them cornered Oh please don’t do this! Please don’t do this, please don’t do this, please don’t do this, please don’t do this, please don’t do this Pleasedontdothispleasedontdothispleasedontdothis And thus Paul Rodriguez was the only one left in the room and was surrounded by the bodies of his colleagues “It is for your species own good!” the Zoraxian said to him. Paul just stood there, eyes open, sweating and preparing. The Zoraxian jumped on him unexpectedly and stabbed Rodriguez multiple times in the chest before he delivered the finishing blow. The Zoraxian got back up, turned around to see a marine standing there with a sub-machine-gun “You son of a bitch!” He screamed at him before pulling the trigger, releasing all 30 rounds into the Zoraxian. To be continued… _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Last edited by sparta12 on Wed Jun 01, 2005 1:08 am; edited 4 times in total Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:17 am    Post subject: Obviously the Zoraxian felt justified in doing what he did, which is typical- someone can be very sincere, yet still be sincerely wrong. Now I'm not sure whether they should suspect sabotage and search the ship for something wrong, or if they suspect that the Zoraxian only had a death wish and then his sneaky acts of sabotage surprise them.... _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:55 am    Post subject: yes but only the polls have the answer! I shall put them up shortly. Also i'd like all the readers of this story to post please. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author kingcappie Guest Items Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:15 pm    Post subject: I think some of the crew will seek justice on their own and go against there commanders and attack the Zoraxians. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 2:45 am    Post subject: I think that some of the pilots go AWOL and attack the Zoraxian cruiser. It should be obvious to all by now that they have been sabotaged. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 4:47 am    Post subject: Hey Sparta, Oooh, some nice action in this one. Some little typo things and other matters of confusion I spotted... Quote: The Marines immediately placed their gas masks on their mouths and waited patiently This one could easily be just my understanding - but to me Gas Masks just filter the air. Surely in a open airlock situation they'd need something more than that. They'd need an oxygen mask, with a supply of oxygen? Quote: with wings but with no weapons and by the looks of it. It was an X-Ray class ship Is that period suppsed to be there? Quote: Jack’s wing, leaving a tiny whole. A 'w' too many I think. Quote: It wasn’t too soon before all the guards were dead Shouldn't this be 'long' - "it wasn't too long before all the guards were dead"? As most of the top people in the ship are probably busy with the fake diplomatic duties, I think it will just be a select bunch of pilots that decide to do something - and that is to attack the Zoraxians. Good story, keep it coming, Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:44 pm    Post subject: okay those are fixed. thanks for you're always spot on work Smee! _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:04 am    Post subject: highly i doubt coreectly gramma sentance last that was Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:38 am    Post subject: That didnt make sense. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:40 am    Post subject: too true there i missread your previous comment Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 11:29 am    Post subject: wow, everyone wants to go AWOL! Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 12:11 am    Post subject: Virtual Chapter 5: Anglo Saxon Lieutenant Commander Jack Art’s F4F Hellcat fighter spawned into the simulation and found himself flying over an ocean but he could also see the island of Okinawa ahead of him. Jack also saw that he was not alone in the simulation and could see Anne’s Japanese N1K1 fighter ahead of him. He tuned his radio to Anne’s frequency “Alright Anne bring it on!” Jack said to her as he raised his altitude to match hers “Come on punk,” Anne answered calmly over the radio. Both fighters were flying towards each other at full speed as they headed towards each other’s planes in the blue sky. Jack looked intently through his crosshairs as Anne’s plan grew bigger and bigger as they came closer into each other’s firing range. Jack pulled the trigger on his joystick, releasing an endless burst of machine gun fire that soared at Anne but shortly after he pulled the trigger he saw Anne’s plane show muzzle flashes from her machine guns. The cockpit started shaking as the bullets smashed into his plane but relentlessly Jack kept firing but when he knew that her plane was getting too close he turned the joystick to the left, turning it into a vertical position and yanked back on the joystick. “You shot out one of my machine guns you bastard,” Anne laughed over the radio as Jack pulled up once more but into the clouds “Serves you right. You’ve given me a fuel leak,” Jack laughed back as he levelled his plane out. What the hell? Where did he go? Anne wondered as she flew past the coast of the Japanese island. She looked around the canopy of her plane but she couldn’t see anything. When Anne looked up at the sky however she could see a small fighter diving down at her at 3.5 Gs and quickly increasing with guns blazing “Sneaky motherfucker!” she screamed over the radio as the bullets slammed into the top of the body of her N1K1. She banked right to avoid the wave of bullets; she heard Jack let out a strong yell that informed her that he was trying not to pass out and that he was pulled up to engage. Anne decided to play along and flew in a straight line at 80% throttle. “Damn it that hurts!” William said over the radio as he levelled out his plane and manoeuvred behind Anne’s “Well that’s Earth,” Anne’s voice crackled sounding cocky over the radio. William shook his head as he regained his strength and got behind Anne’s fighter that strangely enough was going straight. Jack pulled the trigger on the old WWII fighter that hit Anne’s plane in its rudders and flaps. Then suddenly Anne’s plane slowed down and Jack was about to go past it so in reaction he lowered his speed but the plane didn’t get enough time to slow down so before he knew it he was the one eating a machine gun sandwich. William placed the plane back into full throttle, banked away as the cockpit shattered uncontrollably but then the cockpit flashed red and Jack was suddenly back in the real life. “What the hell is going on? I just came out of the interrogation room with the ambassadors from the Zoraxian ship and then I hear an explosion!” Admiral Magnus yelled out as he entered the bridge “Something went wrong in the engine room sir and the fuel cells exploded sir!” an ensign yelled out to him “But that’s impossible! That is a highly secured area!” Magnus yelled back in anger at the ensign “Sir all guards in that area are KIA!” “Damn it! How could this happen? The only way to get through there is either with a high-security card and the code on the security panel… Unless the-” “Unless the bastard sabotaged security, killed the guards, hacked the panel and blew up the cells with a bomb,” Colonel Mike Ballows interrupted the Admiral while reading his thoughts. “Sir we have confirmed reports of murdered pilots and security guards in the locker room also one of the Zoraxians has been killed!” another ensign yelled out over the hectic sounds of their fellow crewmembers running in and out of the bridge. “Guys!” Lieutenant Commander Adrian Peterson of the Sky Angels squadron shouted over the radio on the as they soared outside of the cruiser and inside the boundary of the nebula. “I have a plan to get back at those Zoraxians,” he continued over the squadron channel radio and immediately almost everyone in the Sky Angels squadron listened closely to their leader. “Approaching Zoraxian cruiser, eight hundred metres,” Warrant Officer Varos reported over the radio as their fighter/bombers approached “Okay remember people. Anglo squad will go in from the rear and take out their engines with their bombs. Saxon squad will approach the bridge and drop their bombs on them. We’ll meet up six o’ clock of the Zoraxian cruiser in sector D Five and we’ll nail their fighters as they come out!” Peterson re-briefed the pilots that were following him “Okay guys! Anglo Squad begin your attack run!” Peterson then ordered as he stopped his ship about one thousand metres in front of the mercenary cruiser but hidden within the clouds of the nebula. “Roger that Saxon Squad, beginning attack run,” a voice crackled over the radio Let’s get these motherfuckers! He didn’t say over the squadron radio as his fighter hovered in space. As he waited his listened in as he heard the pilots confirming that they had dropped their photon bombs. Once they were all done… It was their turn. “Okay Saxon Squad form up on me and let’s kick some ass!” he yelled cockily over the radio. He pushed the throttle switch forward enabling full throttle and within seconds the Echo class fighter/bomber was soaring at top speed toward the Zoraxian cruiser. It would be tough for Peterson’s squad to do their run because the enemy ship’s batteries would be up by now. As Adrian flew through the nebula he could see the green colours of the battery lasers firing in Anglo Squads direction, when he saw the he flicked the cover of a button open with his thumb and pressed down to engage the Photon Bomb locking system. “Mayday I’m hit I’m-” Adrian heard a voice from Anglo squad crackle over the radio and in the distance he could see a white flash. Adrian watched as the crosshair slowly moved over the cruiser and then locked on but now Adrian had to keep flying towards the ship so his bomb would make a fairly good damage ratio. Four Digits appeared below the bombs triangle crosshair that determined the distance between Adrian and the enemy cruiser. Once he was in firing range there was a loud, ongoing beep so Adrian slammed his thumb down on the same trigger of the joystick, so in reaction the bomb detached from his fighter/bomber and soared towards its target. Adrian formed an evil grin on his face and pressed the trigger on the joystick two more times that launched the last two bombs. “This is Saxon Leader. Package delivered and am pulling away to sector D Five over!” Adrian reported as hey pulled back on his joystick so he could get the hell out of dodge. Once Adrian and some of his squadron members made it to Sector D-Five they turned their fighter/bombers around, watched from a distance as the ships dropped their bombs making the explosion equivalent to a five megaton nuclear warhead. Their bridge and communications would be totally destroyed and their main engine would be severely damage. The way Adrian saw it… He was merely repaying a debt to the Zoraxians. The only option for those bastards now would be to jettison their ship but to be killed by the rogue pilots. “Admiral Magnus sir!” A Warrant Officer yelled, running up to him “What is it?” he asked annoyed as he helped try to repair the ship from the bridge “It’s the Zoraxian cruiser sir! They’ve been hit badly!” he informed the Admiral, stuttering nervously as he spoke “What? By who? Boragnians?” Magnus asked, turning away from what he was doing “ No… By our own men sir. The Sky Angels squadron dropped their bombs on them and are attacking their fighters as we speak sir! They’ve lost almost all of their communications equipment and they’re bridge has been completely destroyed!” The Lieutenant informed him. “We got to deploy our fighters to take them down,” the Colonel suggested calmly “True…but those Boragnian fighters that were here earlier will have reported to their superiors before dying so they’re getting ready to jump here… We have got to get those fighters in here, move towards the Zoraxian cruiser and jump. It’s the only solution!” he responded to the second in command. “But we wont have time to do that and not to mention this whole cruiser could implode on the attempt!” Colonel Ballows debated “We have to try,” “ Alright form up on me. If Intel is right then they should be engaging the Zoraxian fighters. Remember. Don’t kill our guys. They may be rogue but orders are to bring them back alive so use your paralysis lasers people!” Jack shouted out to his squadron over their squadron radio. They didn’t want the Sky Angels know they were coming to stop them. “Roger that Iron man,” his squadron acknowledged as they lined up next to him. Jack felt enraged that his own people were attacking friendlies when clearly there was one Zoraxian that was hired by someone else. Slowly he could see a cluster of fighters in the distance shooting each other how ever the Zoraxians were now using non-lethal lasers to scare the humans until their back up arrived. “Loosen formation and target all rogue fighters people!” Jack ordered as he broke out of formation and engaged full throttle with his Boost mechanism on that was draining his fuel. “Sky Angels this is Lieutenant Commander Jack Art of the Flying Phoenix squadron. This is your last chance to cease your activity before we engage,” Jack said once more over the open channel on the radio but there was no response. So when he saw one Echo class ship fly across the nose of his ship he immediately got behind it with an itchy trigger finger. “Shit I got one on me!” Warrant Officer Varos yelled over the radio as he fired three rounds and pulled away from his target. “Hang on I’ll be right there!” Adrian responded and immediately he engaged the front thrusters on his ship that made him do a back flip. He soared at full throttle through the cluster of non-lethal, lethal and paralysis laser crossfire. Pulling multiple manoeuvres he managed to get behind the fighter but he was too slow “Shit he got me! I’m losing power-” he heard the Warrant Officer’s voice crackled over the radio until he lost communications with the squadron. “Damn it!” he yelled and let out a long burst of live ammunition “Yeah eat shit asshole!” Jack’s voice crackled over the radio as he pulled up to avoid the live ammunition, performed a back flip and fired back at the fighter from above but the pilot in that ship performed a barrel roll over to the left and avoided his burst of paralysis fire. Hello Adrian he thought. Only a squadron leader was this good at avoiding enemy fire and thus led to the conclusion of whom Jack was fighting. Jack pulled up immediately so he could get back on his target but Adrian shifted his fighter around in time and unleashed another burst of fire. “Iron man do you need any help over there?” Anne’s voice crackled over the radio as she flew by his field of vision “No I’m good,” he answered, smiling as he pushed his joystick forward, turning his fighter into a dive. Jack checked his six o’ clock to see that Adrian was being his foolish self and preparing himself for his finishing move. However Jack lowered his throttle, turned his fighter around using the fighter’s rudder, pulled the trigger and got out of the fighter’s way so he wouldn’t collide with Adrian’s ship. It had only been a matter of minutes before the entire rogue fighter squadron had been disabled and were being dragged back into the cruiser via the Freedom’s functioning tractor beam. “All fighters are inside the cruiser sir! Everyone is standing by for hyperspace travel!” the Warrant Officer reported to the Admiral “Good. What about the other cruiser?” Magnus asked the NCO “They’ve blocked off all access from their bridge but luckily enough their communication system is still online. However they have shut off their main engine. Apparently they have some fuel leaks from that vicinity. But they are standing by for hyperspace travel.” “Very Well. Helmsman!” the Admiral shouted “Yes sir?’ the driver answered while running through the ships diagnostics “Engage the hyperspace engine. Don’t ask, just do it,” he ordered the helmsman, giving him a nod. “Put you’re hands in the air!” a security guard yelled out to Lieutenant Commander Adrian Peterson as he jumped out of the fighter with a side-arm “Put the gun down, put your hands in the air! You are to be sent to the Brigg on count of performing an illegal operation, multiple counts of murder and treason!” the same security guard continued. However Adrian did not do so but instead raised his pistol “Oh really? Or is it all of you that are committing treason? These aliens that I have gladly so-called “Murdered” helped the Boragnians in wiping out Earth! Yet the Magnus chooses to be their friend… It is you people who are committing treason!” he shouted back, slowly pulling down the hammer on his pistol. Suddenly Adrian heard a footstep behind him, he turned around and found that he was face to face with a security guard that was attempting to tackle him so he could arrest him. Adrian placed his left hand on the barrel of his pistol and threw the pistol into the guard’s head rendering him unconscious. He turned around, back to the battalion of security guards that he was stupidly taking on when he saw Lieutenant Commander Jack Art step in front of the security guards with both hands on his pistol and looking down the iron-sight of his gun. “Last chance or I will neutralise you,” Jack’s voice echoed through out the hangar bay. Adrian knew that the was only one way out of this and it was death by firing squad or lethal injection but he wasn’t a fan of either one. So he lowered his gun and pointed it at the unconscious body behind him. “Three…” he counted down “Two…” “One…” after that Adrian dropped his gun onto the hard floor of the hangar bay… It was all over… He placed his right hand on his wound, stared at his own blood for a moment, listened to the sound of the pistol’s casing hit the floor, looked up, gave Jack a smile as if he was saying thanks and collapsed onto the floor dead… To Be Continued… P.S. I hope you enjoyed this action filled chapter of Virtual like I did and excuse me for making it long but there was a lot of things I wanted to get out of the way in this chapter. Oh don’t worry… This story isn’t coming to an end And now…Time to choose... _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 4:33 am    Post subject: I'm still reading, but I just had to pause and chuckle about the 'eating a machine gun sandwich.' _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 5:30 am    Post subject: Wow, even though I know Adrain would have rather died than face the repercussions of his actions, it's still pretty harsh that Jack basically executed him right there in the hangar bay. You could have went into more detail there (of course, *I* always enjoy more detail) about all of Adrain's thoughts, what he really wanted and what he hoped Jack would do for him; his sensory perceptions (it was great as you mentioned he heard the pistol's casing hit the floor); you could have enhanced the breath-holding, slow-motion, surrealism of this moment by going into a few more small details like that. Good stuff. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 10:08 am    Post subject: hmmm, i went for emergency landing at a merch planet. by the way, what did adrian do to be shot for treason? i don't think i read it properly Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 10:36 am    Post subject: Araex wrote: hmmm, i went for emergency landing at a merch planet. by the way, what did adrian do to be shot for treason? i don't think i read it properly Adrain led an attack on the Zoraxians, based on past hostilities. At this point the Zoraxian ship presents as friendly, although a rogue Zoraxian saboteur caused loss of life and spurred Adrain's dredging up of the past. He basically stole a craft and inspired a mutiny of sorts, opening fire on a friendly target. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 11:38 am    Post subject: oh right, thanks for that, i hadn't connected the names Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 4:10 pm    Post subject: Glad to know you two enjoyed it . I wonder how Sax will react when he sees the next chapter is up... After he first read this he PMed me with the title of: Awsome story (dont worry this isnt a spelling error by me. Just by Sax) _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:56 pm    Post subject: actually i mread it earlier although i wasent able to comment, thoroughly enjoyed the chapter, althugh it was sad, and i enjoyed reading aboutn the anglo saxons im sad this story is comming to an end but so must all good things Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:58 pm    Post subject: Uh Sax... This story isnt coming to an end... _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:07 am    Post subject: sparta12 wrote: Glad to know you two enjoyed it . Although it is ending soon which is unfortunate. I wonder how Sax will react when he sees the next chapter is up... After he first read this he PMed me with the title of: Awsome story (dont worry this isnt a spelling error by me. Just by Sax) yeah you did just after you talked biut us enjoying it Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:10 am    Post subject: huh? oh yeah that I was talking to someone on msn and you know how it randomly changes to another window. I guess I must've typed something from the convo onto that. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:40 am    Post subject: hahaa dw it happens to the best of us you mother f%^)!ng @$$4ole, woops msn!! woops msn Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:00 am    Post subject: I was serious though. This story is not coming to an end. Especially seeing that it has been nominated 2 times and is in a great fight with Muaddibs story in the polls. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:14 am    Post subject: after much deliberation i voted for you sparta Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:28 am    Post subject: so maybe this month you'd win SOTM Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:09 am    Post subject: so did i Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:12 am    Post subject: lets hope its enough Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:19 pm    Post subject: yes indeed. And thank you for your votes Fauna, Araex. I appreciate it. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:25 pm    Post subject: now im tottaly hooked onn this story cant wait till next chapter Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 1:54 am    Post subject: let's all hope this story wins the SGOTM this time around. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:27 am    Post subject: i dont know if i could wait till next month Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:43 am    Post subject: this has inspired me to do my own plane story. it probably won't be as good, but i can hope... it will eventually be about the pilot of a secret WW2 plane Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:45 am    Post subject: Hey Sparta, I haven't checked in for a while, despite being an avid reader of this one... A very good recent chapter, with a lot of action. With so much to tell you still manage some good moments in the simulator. Reading through I spotted a couple of typos : Quote: Anne’s plan grew bigger 'Plane'. Quote: when he saw the he flicked the cover of a 'Them' I think. Quote: distance shooting each other how ever the Zoraxians Just one word for 'however'. Quote: They didn’t want the Sky Angels [to] know they were coming to stop them. Missing word. Surprisingly few for such a big chapter. I've voted for the merchant planet - lets get some repairs; although something tells me it isn't going to be that easy. Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 2:38 am    Post subject: thanks smee. When this chapter came out I was wondering where you were cause you didnt come on the spot immediately with a dictionary and a thesaurus in your hands as usual _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 10:58 pm    Post subject: When can we expect the next chapter? because I always like something to look forwards to... Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:35 pm    Post subject: soon _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 12:15 am    Post subject: Well I am really pissed off. We lost a second time and if this story gets nominated again it wont win because we will be up against better stories. E.G. Carver's Blossom and Sheerluck Holmes. Thus it will probably never win.......... and that makes me so mad It makes me want to cancel the story _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 2:28 am    Post subject: Don't cancel the story. You came so close... Anyways it won't be up against the Carver's Blossoms anytime soon, I can reassure you (gosh. I feel scary as an author now...I know it's a horror story but that's not what has you worried.) Keep writing and keep trying. Muaddib lost two times in a row, once to Random and once to me, before the Dark Lord won. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 3:18 am    Post subject: yeah and Project Nexus has lost 3 times and with no votes. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 5:48 am    Post subject: i think you've got next month in the bag unless there are any new good stories, what's to oppose you? both CB and Project Nexus are out.. for a while at least. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 1:03 am    Post subject: If I get nominated this month there are two stories that I will lose against if nominated. Carvers Blossom and Sheerluck Holmes _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 1:08 am    Post subject: Well put your mind to rest about Carver's Blossoms, as the author is just not up to having it in its own forum just yet. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 1:14 am    Post subject: Really? well thanks for that. Anyway the next chapter should be up sometime on the weekend. I'll be away for a few days. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 12:36 pm    Post subject: Okay im putting everything on hold but I'll post one more chapter for this and method of murder until the end of the voting. I need some time to relax Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:36 am    Post subject: fauna and D both have or have had their own forums my frienbd and your story is very deserving you will win sometimes soon if not this month, youve got my vote anyway sparta and remeeber the first time i put in mits i didnt even get a single vote (not even my own) and the month after i won with more then 50% of the votes just hang in there Back to top Author Reiso Respected Citizen Joined: 27 Oct 2004 Posts: 917 Location: Western North America Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 11:07 am    Post subject: Sparta. Buddy. Listen to me, because I am only going to say this once. DO NOT QUIT! Understand me? Virtual is far too good for that. So you didn't win a few times - big deal. Your best story can't be better than everything, and this is a fantasy-favored site - so it's gonna be a little tough on Sci-fi - look at Project Nexus. That's fine. Write it. When the story isn't working, start again. If the chapter is coming out great but changes the story, then you change the story! It's a storygame! They change! Listen to that inspiration when it shows up, and if characters give you trouble, you grab them by their throats, wrestle them to the ground and make them cooperate! You just have to keep trying until it gets recognized. Do not get discouraged by a few losses. It may very well lose again - in fact, it probably will. But it also WILL get it's own forum sooner or later, because it's too good not to. It's better than some that already have. Now I'm gonna say something, and it might piss you off. That's fine. But it's not suppose to offend you, it's suppose to be conducive - a little constructive criticism if you will, and here it is: Every moment spent being angry that you lost is time you could be spending writing. I'm not saying you're being a sore loser, or sulking, or feeling sorry for yourself or anything like that, but instead of saying 'Damn! Why didn't I win this time?', you could instead say 'Damn! How can I win next time?' Keep at it man, this story is great. It needs its own forum. _________________ Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ... In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, Who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter--bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter And because it is my heart."  -- Stephen Crane Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 11:20 am    Post subject: thanks for the motivational speech Reiso. But I aint quitting. I havent taken a break from this site since I joined the site at the start of the freakin year! I need a little time to relax man. I do have other things I need to concentrate on. Anyway the new chapter will be up within the week or so. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 12:34 pm    Post subject: well said Reiso, if we had an opem forum thread for most modivational speeches this would be one of them Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 2:02 pm    Post subject: Im not sure if that is a burn or not Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 2:28 pm    Post subject: lol, nice one sparta Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 4:33 pm    Post subject: lol... Seriously. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 4:12 pm    Post subject: well i dont think it is but thats just me Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 4:07 am    Post subject: Virtual Chapter 6: The Inevitable Colonel Ballows smoked his cigarette on the bridge as they drifted through the sector they had just travelled through “What’s the Zoraxian status?” Admiral Magnus asked as the hyperspace travel side effect was wearing off “They are reporting of fires from Deck C, Section Two to Deck E, Section Five sir!” An ensign reported, shaking her head “Any Boragnians in the vicinity?” Colonel Ballows asked “No sir. We’re scanning Planet M One-Five-Six-Zero now sir!” another ensign shouted out “So how are we going to do this? The Zoraxians have their bridge wiped out and their communications are barely working,” the colonel asked his superior. Admiral Magnus thought for a few minutes. “What’s our status on our engine and thrusters?” the admiral enquired “Our engine is functioning at forty-five percent and our thrusters are working at sixty-three percent sir!” Damn it… We wont be able to land and get repairs with that much damage and we have to be on the planet in order to get a signal. We’ll have to- and then the admiral had a moment of clarity and turned around to the rest of the crew on the bridge “Get all of our pilots off the ship and Jettison half of everything we don’t need. Also we’ll sell some things when we get on the ground. All the pilots will land on the planet,” “But sir our fighters will burn up in the atmosphere before they can enter!” “Not really ensign. There’s going to be some casualties but most of our fighters will survive,” Admiral Magnus answered the ensign “Go down to Code Yellow,” Jack Art had been out of his cockpit for only a matter of minutes, during that time he had killed someone who use to be his friend, now he and his pilots were being ordered to go back out. Miserably he walked over to his Viper fighter while the hangar crew zipped up the body and prepared it to be sent over to the morgue. “All Flying Phoenix pilots form up on me!” the Lieutenant Commander ordered calmly over the squadron channel “Roger that,” everyone acknowledged and Jack stared through his cockpit window as his squadron’s pilots broke away from their flight path. As they came into range green lines made square reticles around the fighters “All Fighter and Bomber pilots listen up!” a voice crackled over the open channel “This is Admiral Magnus… The Freedom cruiser is badly damaged so we have jettisoned all pilots and unnecessary goods. You are all to enter the planet M One-Five-Six-Zero AKA Traders Haven’s atmosphere. Once there you are to await the arrival of our cruiser. Transmission over.” “What!” Gunnery Sergeant Halloway shouted back through the squadron radio in disbelief “Why don’t they just ask us to be placed inside a fucking incinerator!?!” Another pilot shouted out. That Jack chuckled at shortly and then listened to the hail of complaints from his squadron’s pilots. “Everyone shut the fuck up! You received orders people now get moving!” Jack shouted back over the radio “Yes sir!” Aviation Flight Officer Anne replied while laughing and immediately the pilots engaged their ships into full throttle. Within a few minutes the pilots were about to enter the planet’s atmosphere but as they flew towards it they could see their fellow pilots burning up and entering the atmosphere. “Alright let’s do this!” Jack shouted out with enthusiasm, began his descent into the planet’s atmosphere and suddenly the cockpit started heating up. Jack started to sweat, his field of vision in front of him was now shrinking and fires were surrounding fighter. “Ah shit,” Jack whispered to himself as he started to lose control of the fighter as he continued to through the atmosphere. Jack looked to his left to see one of his fellow pilots just within his field of vision. Parts of the fighter were flying off of the Viper and the fighter next to Jack was flailing about as it tried to stay straight. “Ah. I’m losing control of my fighter. I can’t keep it straight!” a pilot’s voice screamed over the static as he watched the viper next to him while struggling with his own fighter. Suddenly the nose of the other pilot’s fighter broke off and it started to perform back flips. Jack watched intently and as he watched he could see the bottom half of the fighter was being ripped to pieces. He looked to the cockpit of the fighter to see that he was banging on his cockpit window in agony but then stopped. Oh my god! Jack thought and then looked back to the front of his cockpit to see that a piece of his fighter’s nose was flapping about and his radar showing his fighter’s status showing him that the fighter was pretty much about to go. As Jack struggled to keep his fighter steady he could hear pilots scream over the open channel. He looked over to his left just in time to see a small bit of the wing fly off and make a hole in his fighter. “Oh fuck me!” he said to himself. Then as his computer informed him that he was beginning to lose Aerial control of his fighter he had just managed to get out through the atmosphere and was in the clear. “This is Iron-man! I have made it through the atmosphere and am struggling to keep control of my fighter!” Jack reported over the squadron channel. Jack pulled back on his joystick but it was being reluctant and was only pulling up by a small bit but it was not enough. Not to mention the increasing speed of his fighter in his fall was going to continue to tear it shreds. “This is Iron-man my fighter is increasing its speed I’m losing control. I’m transmitting my co-ordinates now. I gotta ditch!” Jack shouted over the radio, still pulling back on the joystick “This can’t get any worse!” he whispered while transmitting his co-ordinates over the radio and then finally pulling back on the handle located to the bottom left of his cockpit. Suddenly the computer started flashing and it showed the schematics of the fighter. It showed the cockpit detaching from the rest of the fighter. Jack looked back up in front of him to see that his fighter was almost levelled but it was going to crash into a small mountain in a few a seconds. The cockpit detached from the fighter and jack pulled away from the mountain to avoid an oncoming death. As he pulled up however the escape pod he was now flying clipped the branches of the trees situated on the mountain. As he reached the peak of the mountain his radar started picking up enemy blips “Everyone get into combat formation we have incoming bogey’s!” Jack informed his fellow pilots. “This is fucking nuts!” Jack said aloud as he flew over the mountain to see a cluster of enemy fighters coming his way. But then he looked beyond the cluster of dots to see Traders Haven… But it had been changed. It had changed from an amazing metropolis to… to a living city “Freedom this is Iron-Man. Traders Haven is Boragnian territory! Repeat Traders Haven is Boragnian Territory! Do not land on Traders Haven!” Jack screamed over the radio. “Jack get out of there! Those Boragnians are coming in from all directions!” Anne’s voice crackled over Jack’s headpiece “Roger that Anne but I need some cover! They’re coming at me fast!” “Roger that Iron-man. Gunny get over here and follow my lead!” Anne’s voice crackled over the squadron channel. Jack performed a back flip, flew back towards his entry point, the first thing he saw were two friendly fighters inside a green, square reticle and smiled. Finally something was going for him today. Jack checked his six, still smiling but only to have it wiped off of his face when he saw a Boragnian Fighter/Bomber with guns blazing. He threw the joystick left in an attempt to avoid the gunfire but his reaction was too slow and the laser round from the enemy fighter clipped his escape pod and suddenly his ship was being thrown towards the ground. Jack looked back down at his computer to check his pod’s status: Navigational Control Failing Fuel Leaking Power Failing Enemy Missile Closing in at 200 metres. To be Continued… Last edited by sparta12 on Fri May 20, 2005 4:11 pm; edited 5 times in total Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 5:54 am    Post subject: Excellent chapter, filled with tension and excitement. I particularly enjoyed this descriptive, tense and tragic scene: Quote: He looked to the cockpit of the fighter to see that he was banging on his cockpit window in agony but then stopped. Oh my god! Jack thought and then looked back to the front of his cockpit to see that a piece of his fighter’s nose was flapping about... I did spot a few errors, and there are also some missing punctuations: Quote: Colonel Ballows smoked his cigarette on the bridge as they drifted through the sector they had (maybe were, or presently)traveled through. “What’s the Zoraxian status?” Admiral Magnus asked as the hyperspace travel side effect (was) wearing off “They are reporting of fires from Deck C, Section Two to Deck E, Section Five sir!” An ensign reported, shaking their (his or her) head “Alright let’s do this!” Jack shouted out with enthusiasm. He began his descent into the planet’s atmosphere and suddenly the cockpit started heating up. Jack performed a back flip, flew back towards his entry point, the first thin he saw were two friendly fighters I'll post more after I've considered the situation further. Keep up the good writing! _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 4:01 pm    Post subject: okay corrections have been made but I didnt understand your first suggestion. (maybe were, presently) _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 4:10 pm    Post subject: okay now I get it _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 9:38 pm    Post subject: i thougt ordering them to try and land happened pretty brashly and they really didnt seem to care at all Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 10:17 pm    Post subject: Quote: “Why don’t they just ask us to be placed inside a fucking incinerator!?!” Another pilot shouted out. That Jack chuckled at shortly and then listened to the hail of complaints from his squadron’s pilots oh really sax? _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 11:52 pm    Post subject: not the pilots themselves but the admiral did Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 12:03 am    Post subject: actually I tried to fit in a paragraph where it had the Admiral's reactions but I couldnt fit it in so that'll be in the next chapter. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author saxon215 Guest Items Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 1:09 am    Post subject: okay cool Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 1:14 am    Post subject: Also before someone asks I should explain why there was an escape pod for Jack and not for the Gunny. The reason is that the Gunny's power had completely shut down so he couldnt eject from the fighter into an escape pod. Meanwhile Jack had power inside his fighter. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author Araex Guest Items Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 6:12 am    Post subject: Nice chapter - can't wait for the next bit! Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 6:13 am    Post subject: Liking the new avatar, sparta. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 8:47 pm    Post subject: eh he cowofdoom666 will see a connection when he sees mine. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 4:04 am    Post subject: okay, Incase your wondering. I've gotten Reiso to delete most of the posts about my Announcement that was posted while I was mourning. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 4:42 am    Post subject: Good deal. They were really depressing. But now I have to do this all over again (just so you won't be able to fully escape the embarassment of it.) *gives sparta a big hug (again) to cheer him up* 8) _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Reiso Respected Citizen Joined: 27 Oct 2004 Posts: 917 Location: Western North America Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 8:42 am    Post subject: sparta, I don't pretend to know anything about you or what you''re going through, but you have my honest condolences for what they're worth. _________________ Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ... In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, Who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter--bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter And because it is my heart."  -- Stephen Crane Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 12:56 am    Post subject: thanks! Now I've decided to get with the times this time around and ask you readers. What shall happen next? Start Suggesting! _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author kingcappie Guest Items Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 3:49 am    Post subject: You should take what you can salvage from the pod (if anything is useful and easy to carry) and hide somewhere. You can't wait around for someone to save you, and I don't think we would do that anyway. After you are safely concealed then try to make your way to the outskirts of the city, and look for anyone else that has survived. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 4:17 am    Post subject: interesting suggestion! Keep it coming people _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 4:21 am    Post subject: I too, say that defending yourself, evading capture, and seeking other survivors remain top priorities. We're in a wild and undeveloped area now, aren't we? Lets see some wild beasties attack, or maybe run across other inhabitants that don't appreciate the take-over of their city. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 5:36 am    Post subject: good suggestion fauna. _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. Back to top Author sparta12 Honored Citizen Joined: 24 Jan 2005 Posts: 1201 Location: Victoria, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 6:15 pm    Post subject: any more suggestions from Virtual fans? _________________ May have accidentally come up with a new Sci-Fi Storygame. 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