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scissorkitty
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 Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:33 pm Post subject: FantaSea CHAPTER THREE! POLLING |
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Whoopsie! I almost forgot..
WARNING! May contain adult language and graphic scenes (at least I hope so!).. may be damaging to minds, ears, eye and or soul/twiddly bits. Be advised.
((hey guys! So here's a nice-sized chunk of ONE of my failed NaNoWriMo attempts. I quite like it, so lets see where it goes together, shall we? The tentative title is "FantaSea", although that can totally change with public opinion.))... ((and, yes. I'll try to keep the chapter numbering sensible this time around!))
Prologue:
“Why do you always get to eat the minister?”
“Because you don’t do it right, and I was here first, wasn’t I?”
“I don’t ‘do it right’?”
“Yeah. You leave all the twiddly bits. Those are the best parts!”
“Well, I don’t like them, and that’s quite besides the point- you got to eat the last one.”
“Shhh, shh. Settle down. We’ll flip for it. Heads or tails?”
“Heads! No. . tails! No, wait, you always cheat, you bloody bastard! I- “
“Shhh.. Here he comes.”
The office was dark, the heavy burgundy brocade curtains drawn tightly shut against the night and chill outside, the fire lay silent and cold, long since dampened. As the ornate wooden door creeked slowly open on old bronze hinges, the Minister fumbled for the lightswitch, his hand neatly ensconced in a pair of kid leather evening gloves, and his mind neatly ensconced in an earlier glass of find scotch whiskey. So intent was he on his task, the Minister failed to notice two pairs of red eyes laying hidden in the darkness. The wires buzzed to life as he finally fingered the switch into action, and then lay hissingly dormant - the bulbs snapping softly, but refusing to light. He pushed the button again, confused.
“Oh, I wouldn’t be bothering with that, now.”
“Yeah.. I wouldn’t be bothering with.. Hey!”
There was a tearing, a short muffled shout, and then the chewy sounds of a very sticky toffee being removed from its wrappings. Happy munchings and slurpings filled the thick darkness, and the second voice whined again.
“You really are a monster, you know.”
“Mmmm. Yes. I know.”
* * * * * * *
Chapter One:
Solly rested his feet on the coffee table, and pulled his fedora low over his brow with a sigh of contentment. The wingback he sat in was newly upholstered in ruby toned plush, which nicely complimented the striped lining of his grey suit jacket, hung over the arm. He snuggled deeper into the chair, mashing the cushions slightly out of shape in the process, and thumped his heels a little as he settled in. Nearby, the other inhabitants of Grandma Mel’s Knitting Shoppe looked on in exasperated horror.
“Won’t be but a minute, Ducks. Just grabbing a quick nap.” He mumbled this last statement as sleep rushed in, his chin dropping to his neatly buttoned chest as he began to snore softly.
“Solly!” A rather imperial voice rang out across the grey dimness at the gates of Sleep. Sully raised his head from his chest, finding himself now standing on an indeterminate grey mass of cloud and fog.
“Er, yes?” He brushed himself down, sneaking a smudge of drool from his cheek, and found himself once again fully dressed in his slate grey suit, the double breasted jacket now buttoned properly. He tipped his fedora in the general direction of the voice, and arranged his expression into one of suitable seriousness.
“Have you made any progress on the matter at hand? We’ve just had word that another Minister was taken last night.”
“SHIT.” Solly swore, and ground his wingtip against the soft non-ground in frustration. His hands tightened into fists. “How do you know?”
“It became frightfully obvious when the Minister of Educational Affairs was found eating his baby daughter for breakfast this morning. His wife was not amused- after escaping out the laundry chute, she quickly notified the authorities. One of our plants in the local Constabulary let us know as soon as he was able. We attempted to oust the monster before he made it into the government buildings this morning, but he gave us the slip, and has already released three press statements introducing updates to the Reading Lists and Education Mandates for primary school children this session. We need to curtail this before it gets even worse!” The voice snapped in anger, and lighting bolts seemed to briefly blister across the wavering nothingness. “You’re going to need help in this one. Head to the Library, and do try not to kill anyone human on your way there, this time.”
The greyness seemed to deepen and thicken, swirling around Solly like mucky water down a drain. With a sucking, falling sensation, he came to in the Knitting Shoppe.
“Hm. Thanks for the winks, ladies. Good-day.” He swept out the door in a smooth glide, leaving a wake of confused, chattering grannys behind.
* * * * * * *
The Library was just that- an newly renovated, Neo Classical monstrosity, a convoluted mass of columns, Doric capitals, and quasi-Roman statuary clustered around slightly disgruntled looking perennials and runaway hosta bushes. Solly stomped up the path and through the main marble foyer. His shoes made angry clicking sounds on the polished tiles. To the left of the main desk, resplendent with oak shelving and stern looking librarians, was a small brass gate labeled “Fines”. It was to this gate that Solly headed.
A shaggy, stooped woman sat on a leather stool behind the teller’s gate, a box of bonbons barely visible behind a stack of unfiled periodicals. She slipped another powdery bite between her little bow lips, and closed her eyes blissfully. “Mmm. Fresh... fancy one, Solly dear?” The little heart shaped box was proffered without the woman so much as opening an eye, and Solly caught a glimpse of round, flesh coloured lumps coated with powdered sugar before the box was snatched back again. “Or perhaps not.” A finger, sporting a glistening polished coral nail, snuck one last sugared lump from the box before tucking it away in a tangerine clasp purse. Suddenly all business, she pulled a sheaf of papers from a file behind her back, and began to flick through the contained pages with lightening speed. “Ah, here you are. I believe you’re getting a partner for this mission, aren’t you? Tsk tsk.. I guess your track record just isn’t quite what the Big Bosses desire at the moment- must need a little help getting the job done.” She eyed him over and licked her lips suggestively. “I’m rather good at certain.. jobs.. myself.”
“Ugh.Disgusting.” He wrinkled his nose and swallowed the bile sneaking up his throat.
“Sweetheart, if you weren’t such a princess, you might enjoy being a pervert.” The Teller rasped at Sully, green toad-like eyes twinkling behind a pair of rhinestoned cats eye glasses. She laughed softly to herself, the sound reminiscent of oil in a hot frying pan, and pushed a small card across to him. “There, that’s the one. Up the stairs to your left, filed away under ‘Prude’. I’ve even warmed it up for you.” She laughed again and pulled a green leather blind down on her side of the brass gate, effectively slamming a door in his face. Solly shuddered again, and pocketed the card. A brass and glass door to his left led into the main atrium, with the stairs headed to the next floor. Always the stairs, never the elevator. Such was the consideration of the Head Office.
At the top of the stairs were a series of wood doors, each neatly labeled with a brass plaque proclaiming the contents. “Public Restroom”. “Janitor’s Closet”. “Microfiche”. Finally, the door at the end, much larger than the others, proclaimed “Reference Library”. Solly pushed the door open, and entered another large, marbled space, this one crammed with bookcases along two thirds of the chamber. The rest of the room’s area was filled with long wooden tables, padded chairs and a large fireplace, flames happily snapping away at a lunch of pornographic magazines. He assumed the Teller had lit the fire earlier. Entering the stacks, he read the little sign cards, finding “P”, then “Proust”, and finally “Prude”. Reaching far behind the last book, his fingers encountered a little wooden box, and he pulled it firmly out.
It was small, ornately carved, with a pattern of life-like bluebells that seemed to waver slightly in the light. A soft breeze suddenly passed by, tasting of sunlight and lazy summer afternoons. Solly opened the box. Inside, lightly nestled on a backing of amber velvet, was one of the fleshy bonbons. He hastily closed the box, scattering powdered sugar down his shirt front as he did so, and began to brush his fingers frantically against his pant legs, sure that little gobbets of candied human flesh must linger beneath his nails somehow.
“Don’t be such a scaredy cat! It’s just a piece of earlobe or something.” A musical voice rang in his ear, soft breath caressing his cheek, and a slim fingered hand reached around his to gently pry the box from his grasp. Solly looked up in surprise to see a shapely strawberry blonde woman disappear around the shelves. He followed quickly behind, the scent of summer leading the way, and found her lounging at one of the research tables. Her hair was neatly coiffed, a french twist with just a little roll around her hairline to soften the severe style. She was dressed in a flowing green dress, the colour of the sea, which matched her heavily lashed eyes exactly. Her lips were carefully made up with red lipstick, and she twitched then in a hint of a smile as she flipped open the box and hastily dumped the dubious contents into the nearby fireplace. With a little plume of foul-smelling smoke, the gobbet disintegrated. Solly thought he heard the Teller’s croaking laugh echo briefly.
The woman tucked the box into a small yellow handbag, and held out her hand gracefully. “You must be Sully. Head Office sent me. You may call me Marline.” As he took her hand, Sully caught a glimpse of her reflection, momentarily caught in the large window down the hall. Waves crashed on a distant shoreline, lined with lush pastures under a shining, golden sun. A figure, her back to the window, lashed a fishlike tail slowly. He blinked, and saw only Marline’s shapely back, and sighed.
“Ah. One of those. Mermaid?”
“Gorgon.”
“SERIOUSLY?!!”
“No.” She laughed, as musical as her speaking voice, and just as silken as her breath.
((so.. there we have it! What IS Ms. Marline, do you think? And what ARE the demon thingies up to? The basic idea is that they are "eating" the ministers, and then replacing them with themselves, or other beings of their control, "dressed" in the flesh of the original occupants. With slight personality alterations, of course.. bwaa haa haa!! Have some fun with this, guys. I ran out of ideas a few hundred words later, but this was my favourite chunk. Also, FYI- any faint frog-like-relationship between the Teller and our beloved CrunchyFrog, is purely in your own disturbed minds. The teller is, quite clearly, TOADLIKE.. and has none of the charm of our own green, bespectacled, Louboutin-heels-wearing Mayoressesssness.)) 
_________________
......back and forth.....
Last edited by scissorkitty on Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:33 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:26 am Post subject: |
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Fun! 
I have no idea what the demons are up to - that's your job.
Ms. Marline I suspect is a 147 year old woman, with legendary quantities of prudishness, along with a healthy smattering of 'won't anyone thing of the children'. However, a cunning spell has transformed her back to her younger self. She's currently enjoying her new form, but worry not, the prudishness will seep out soon.
Powers include Level 10 nagging, Level 12 disgust at 'modern youth', and level 50 tirade on how it was in her day.
Happy Writing 
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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trenda08
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:19 am Post subject: |
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| As it's clearly visible the demon thingies are going to run out of ministers quite quickly and thats when solly is going to have the problems. From my understanding solly has a past with the DT (demon thingies) and he didn't realize it until he came face to face with one in an alley one night. After realizing who they were up against the DT had to rethink their plans! The teller and Solly have no history beyond business but is there someway they will find themselves relying on each other in the future for help? Note: the DT have been around for centuries. Have fun with this!!!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:34 am Post subject: |
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Nice Skitty!
The DTs are obviously under instructions from the 'High ups' to find a certain minister, and then retrieve certain items he has in his possession. However, they don't mind taking their time to do it. Hence the succession of ministers.
For Marline, she has to be a Succubus. That would be... delicious. Mmmm. Earlobe candy.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:54 am Post subject: |
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*hurriedly hides rhinestoned cats eye glasses under seat* Kerrrunch. Ah. Now I can't see a blimmin' thing, you'll need to up your font to 14pt. Hint hint. 
Well I think the clue is in the scaly tail. Mermaid came to Solly's mind, and I suppose the obvious one for a fantasy tale would be a dragon, so I'll move away from that idea.
I rather fancy the idea of a serpent. Seeing as the Teller is amphibian, which is only one removed from reptile... Could be interesting - venom, forked tongue and all.
(editz to add: Duhhh! After all these years I finally geddit about the IFOF river emptying out into the Fanta Sea... *facepalms* )
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:22 am Post subject: |
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*lol* Crunchy.. did you think it was a sea made out of soda pop? (Fanta soda, to be exact.)
Ooo! Good suggestions, guys! Lets see what else comes in and then I'll make a poll.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:07 am Post subject: |
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Great first chapter!
For my idea, I'm going to have to apologise to Smee, because I'm going to be a little thief, steal part of his idea*reaches out and swipes!*
I think that Ms. Marlene is actually The Teller, and she can change her appearence at will. Why she would need to do so, I don't know. But who needs to know that little bit of information yet? That can come later.
As for the mermaid part, mabye she could be a Melusine. They can have fish or reptilian tails. They can also have wings.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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YAY! Bob was in here.. now I feel like I have full player appreciation!
Excellent thoughts, Tika.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:03 am Post subject: |
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Okay, lets poll this Mutha' !
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:04 am Post subject: |
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*Looks for poll*
I'm just too quick.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:08 am Post subject: |
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UH... PLEASE USE ONLY THE FIRST OF EACH OPTION!!!
i have NO idea why everything is doubled. Sorry!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:15 am Post subject: |
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Oh, this is peculiar. I've voted, it didn't show that I'd voted, and then it said I'd already voted in the poll.
Editz to add: Ok, I deleted and re-did the poll for you. Seems to be working now, so vote away!
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:18 am Post subject: |
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YAY! Thanks, Crunchy. I don't know what that was all about. Maybe the DTs are in my poll!
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Chinaren
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Guyron
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| Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:21 am Post subject: |
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Hmm, very Dr. Who-ish. ME LIKEY!!!!!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 11:15 am Post subject: |
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Wow... C'ren's idea is really pulling ahead here!
I found this enjoyable to read. Some of your descriptive vocabulary far surpasses my meagre abilities there. I did sometimes get lost trying to follow some of your paragraphs, however... maybe if they were broken up a bit more might help. (and I f5 CF about the font size!)
Interested to read more Skitty!
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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Alright, alright, you whiners. There's your precious bigger font size. hehe. Happy now?
And, yeah! That Succubus idea is kickin' some tail and taking names! I'm a little surprised, but no worries.
((i did google the Melusine.. very interesting! Check out what wikipedia has to say if you're a mermaid fan.))
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 4:21 am Post subject: |
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| Thunderbird wrote: | Wow... C'ren's idea is really pulling ahead here!
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Hey, when I'm right, I'm right. 
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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WARNING! May contain adult language and graphic scenes (at least I hope so!).. may be damaging to minds, ears, eye and or soul/twiddly bits. Be advised.
Chapter Two
Marline sat casually in the diner both, her legs precisely crossed, yet seemingly devoid of any sort of tension. Both arms were outstretched along the red vinyl backing of her seat, and she regarded Solly with her head tilted slightly to the side. Her sea-green eyes sparkled, heavy lidded, and a hint of a smile ghosted across the corner of her ruby lips.
"What?" Solly grimaced, and her smile deepened, showing a charming dimple in one alabaster-and-roses cheek. He was in trouble, deep trouble, and he knew it.
"What are you smiling about, you.. well, whatever it is you are? I told you- I don't need a partner. I don't understand what you're.. " He let his gaze travel over her in what he hoped was condescension, and sighed at the obvious failure. "Well, anyway. What you're supposed to be doing, exactly."
Marline smiled again, dimpling this time on both sides, and leant slowly across the cream and gold flecked formica table top. She laid one neatly gloved hand on Solly's angrily crossed forearms, and gave it a little squeeze.
"Now, don't get all uptight. I'm sure you've been doing just fine on your own. Head Office just thought that with the right partner, you might be able to gather information a little quicker."
Solly felt his breath quicken at her touch, and squirmed uncomfortably. His suit jacket seemed to cinch tighter, and the neck of his dress shirt seemed to stifle him just a little more.
"Why would you be able to gather information quicker than I would alone, babe?" He touched his hat brim, pulling the fedora forward in a rakish angle, and attempted a worldly wink. He smirked then, quirking his lips at her and gestured casually towards his side, and the firearm hidden there. "Don't tell me you know how to muscle information out of a man?"
The air seemed to sweeten suddenly, daylight dancing on the sparkling black and white tiled floor. The jukebox in the corner seemed to play a little clearer, and strangers slumped on the stools at the counter sat straighter than they had in years. The waitress, in the middle of rubbing her aching back, found herself instead arching it coyly at a nearby mechanic. Solly felt himself powerless to shut his gaping mouth as Marline slid her hand up his arm, to lightly stroke his cheek, his body leaping to an urgent response that he hoped the diner tabletop hid from view.
"Lets just say its easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar."
*******
"Succubus? You paired me with a SUCCUBUS?" A vein throbbed dangerously in his temple as Solly's usually handsome face contorted in anger. The marble entry way of the Library echoed with his noisy protest, causing a multitude of mousy librarians to involuntarily "shush" him as they pottered along on their more mundane duties.
The Teller, safe as houses on the other side of her little brass gate, grinned maniacally, and sharpened her coral nails to razor sharpness with a little file. Small snippets whisped on the afternoon air to land on a nearby hardcover book, "Etiquette and Where to Stick It", the centre of which was marked with a well-worn velvet bookmark.
"What's the matter, Sweetness? Too hot for you to handle? Now now.. I know a way to cool you down." She puckered her lips in a kiss, and blew a moist, meat-and-something-else-scented breath towards him, laughing her grating laugh again as Solly flinched.
"And here I thought you were such a Lothario. Don't blame me, Dearie." the Teller fondled her tiny steel nail file suggestively, and leered. "You get who you get. I don't make the decisions as to Partners. Now, get crackin', Gumshoe." Whistling the theme of a new Broadway show, she reached up, and once again ended the interview by shutting her green leather blind in Solly's face.
He harrumphed in frustration, and turned on his heel, his wingtip squealing angrily against the polished tile floor. The noised earned him another round of waspish "Shushing" as he shoved his way out of the Library door.
*******
Across the city, Cameron Thomas nervously straightened his tie for the hundredth time, and tried again to get comfortable. He had never even touched a Bugatti before, and now he was being chauffeured to Parliament in the nicest example he had ever heard of, the leather softer than anything beneath him, to meet the Minister of Extracurricular Activities. A Minister, he was trying hard not to worry about, he had never heard of before.
"Um, Excuse me there... up there.. my good man." Cam tapped nervously on the driver's black-clad shoulder. "Could you perhaps let me know why the Minister.. that is His Esteemed... er. Do you know why he'd want to talk to a.....
((HA! A what? What does Cam do?))
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Last edited by scissorkitty on Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 5:02 am Post subject: |
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Okay, I only just noticed that the second chapter was up! Sorry about that Skitty! 
Right, if he has never even touched a Bugatti before, this could be used to suggest that mabye he doesn't use a car, which would mean that he has another way of getting around.
Also, as he cannot imagine why this minister would want to see him, could suggest that he is a creature that not many would want to have dealings with. But then he is also nervous to meet this person, so he is obviously not a totally loathsome being.
This is quite a tough one! The first thing that popped into my head was Vampire, but there are so many vampire stories around right now, that I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. So I'm not going to say that.
So, for now, due to my own talents, *preens*, I'm going to say shapeshifter, who could shapeshift into a bird, or bat, or some other flying thingy, in order to travel around. But if I think of something better, I will get back to you.
As for what he should do, go along with it. But be on his guard. And get ready to make a quick escape, if called for.
Great second chapter!  Just sorry it took me so long to realise it was there!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 5:38 am Post subject: |
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Seems I missed this too!
Anyhoo good to see this continuing, although perhaps a slightly shorter chapter than I expected. Teasing us with the possibilitise, and then denying! Oh so cruel!
Random typo of "depend" in there, which I think should be deepened.
~
I think his job is something simple, and ordinary. Not something expected to draw attention. Perhaps coach of a extracurricular soccer/football team, basketball, something like that. Maybe something a little less popular... field hockey, lacross?
I would imagine such a person would be quite surprised at the summons.
Happy Writing
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:55 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Do you know why he'd want to talk to a..... |
...Lavatory Attendant! I'm sure in that line of business he's witnessed a few extra curricular activities... 
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:15 am Post subject: |
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EXCELLENT SUGGESTIONS!
hehehe. Two normal, and on supernatural... i think that's a great mix. Lets Poll!!
(i just wanna get a move on with the writing! Yes, Smee, sorry for the short Chapter. I was a little brain-drained at the time.)
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:53 am Post subject: |
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Sticky granted!
Happy Writing
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:07 am Post subject: |
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YAY!! Muchos Gracias, Smee!
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Chinaren
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 4:58 am Post subject: |
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Honestly? Bathroom attendant seems most likely. If he's anything supernatural, he wouldn't be so nervous, and would probably have some sort of idea about the trouble with the Ministers (That is, assuming the supernatural community is very small). And it might be logical for a Minister of Extracurricular Activities to want to meet with the coach of a local teen's team. But a bathroom attendant? Not only is there no reason for a minister to meet with him, but he''s very unlikely to have touched any sort of expensive car recently. Anything expensive, for that matter.
Great story by the way skitty! Really got me thinking about the DP ^.
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Tea Cures All.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:19 am Post subject: |
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| So, when's the new chapter?
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Oh yeah.. hehe. I'll get right on that one..
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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WARNING! May contain adult language and graphic scenes (at least I hope so!).. may be damaging to minds, ears, eye and or soul/twiddly bits. Be advised.
Chapter Three
"... bathroom attendant?" Cam swallowed nervously, his throat convulsing around a prominent Adams apple beneath the now-stranglingly tight confines of his tie. He loosened it hastily. His scalp prickled under its fine dusting of blonde hair, and Cam found himself awkwardly combing it into place with his fingers. The chauffeur remained silent, only a flash of dark eyes in the rear view mirror showing any signs of recognition of Cam's commentary. Slowly, the steely gaze drifted back to the road ahead, and Cam found himself isolated again in the dim backseat of the car.
"Oh, um.. Right." The bathroom attendant murmured to himself, and tried to settle more comfortably against the baby-soft leather of the seats. He was deathly afraid of wrinkling his new trousers- a hasty purchase made early this morning at the local tailors', just after the rather surprising phone call from the Ministerial Secretary.
* * *
The phone had rang loudly, startling him in the middle of his early morning cup of tea. The following pounding on his bedsit door by his landlady caused him to startle further, and to spill scalding Earl Grey across his bedclothes and legs. Pyjamas, as it turned out, offer very little protection against near-boiling liquids. Cam had bolted upright in his haste to both open the door, and pull the soaking molten fabric away from his more sensitive areas, and had managed to tangle his feet in the legs of his foldaway table. This in turned caused him to crash to the ground, bringing the rest of his tea down with him, as the edge of the tea towel was tucked into his waistband (as a crumb deterrent). The landlady pounded once more, and then unlocked the door with her key, shoving the heavy portal rudely over Cam's outstretched fingers, and giving him a rather rough knock on the head. Above the ringing in his ears, he had dimly made out that there was a phone call for him, from someone called Misty Akrety (probably a foreigner, with a name like that, don't you think?), with a rather posh voice and excellent phone manners (which, don't you think, foreigners so often have? Them not growing up hereabouts and all that.) and wouldn't Cam please hurry up and answer as the other renters may have need of the phone (although unlikely, seeing as two were blissfully deaf, and the fourth had quite recently left to live with her sister across town) and, oh, she has a pleasant voice as well (and isn't that nice?).
* * *
Now, stranded in the back of a posh automobile, on his way to a Governmental Meeting, Cam found his thoughts circling around again. What did a Minister need with a bathroom attendant? Perhaps there was a Governmental Clog?
* * * * * *
Marline sat primly in back of the black city cab, her ankles demurely crossed, and her hands neatly folded in her lap. She settled herself comfortably against the cheap, cracked vinyl of the seat, as at home in the shoddy interior as a starlet in her own private auto. Pulling out her compact mirror, she touched up her lipstick, ripe ruby lips quirking a little as she caught sight of the lewd blue darting stare of the cabbie in his rear-view. The little car bucked and swerved around traffic and pedestrians as it whizzed down the street, perhaps a little more wildly than was strictly necessary- but the cabbie found himself somehow unable to focus on the task at hand- there being a different task in the back of his cab that he would most definitely prefer to be putting a hand to. Or any other available body part. The cabbie flushed, crimson fit to match Marline's lipstick crawling up his throat and across his stubbled cheeks, and pulled at his shirt collar. He found himself babbling to the gorgeous creature about something at random, desperate for her approval, smile, or any sort of contact. Marline stayed silent, only the small smile continuing to hide at the corner of her lips. She rather enjoyed the tension in the air, and basked in its warmth like a cat in the summer sunshine. Soon, she expected to be equally enjoying the tender tensions offered in the downtown Pensioner's Office- a sure fire place of grievances and gossip about the current (and long-past) government.
* * * * * *
Solly sighed, frustrated in more than just the regular ways, and tried to summon Sleep. Beneath his sock feet, his wingtips having been removed politely and set aside along with his neatly folded jacket, the rough wooden slats of the park bench were warm in the lingering sunlight. He tipped his fedora a little further over his eyes, adding to his air of rakish (if misplaced) mystery, and tried his best to snuggle his chin into the white cotton of his chest. Around him, several other bench-sitters looked on in slight confusion, their various paper bags of booze, groceries and/or worldly goods scattered around them like so many misplaced parcels. The wandering pigeons, robbed of their routine allotment of crumbs, began to contemplate the resting shoes as a possible source of nutrition. Awareness faded in and out in a soft silken current, lapping at the edges of his mind, yet refusing to stabilize, and Solly found himself grinding his teeth in frustration. He was desperate to contact Head Office. Surely they could set him on his path faster than Marline could drum up leads with her old fogeys- it was a matter of personal pride!
Unable to grasp the slippery handshake of sleep, Solly found his thoughts circling into an old, familiar rhythm, fitting his wishes to the tune of a childhood nursery rhyme.
Old Mother Hubbard, went to her cupboard.. Bored, Crank Solly sucked on a lolly...
Snickering mentally, he continued to tweak the time tested poetry in a much naughtier direction, and soon found himself standing once more in the grey clouded skies of Sleep. Ahead of him, instead of the glowing presences he was used to, he found instead a giant games wheel, studded at intervals with multicoloured pictures of locations familiar to him in his real life. A mechanized arrow hung in the middle, awaiting his spin. The Government office, the Library, the Newspaper, the Diner, a rather rundown pier, the Theatre downtown, the very bench he currently snoozed on, and Marline herself all personified the board. Taking a comically large swing, and striking a matching pose, Solly flung his strength onto the arrow, and watched it begin to whiz around.....
((DP: Where does Solly's arrow land? Also, who shall we follow next? Cam, Marline or Solly?))
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Last edited by scissorkitty on Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:37 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Marline and Solly are the obvious two choices... but I wouldn't mind The Teller, or one of the nameless monsters from the beginning... Or one of the possessed ministers.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:51 am Post subject: |
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bump!
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:25 am Post subject: |
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Ha - amusing writing again Skitty. Gave me a few chuckles as always.
For the decision point though, I'm finding it hard to care who gets the lead. Does it really matter? I suppose Solly getting it would put stay to his boredom and also perhaps ensure his partner appreciates his abilities. But meh?
I'll check back in next chapter and look for a more engaging DP.
Happy Writing
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm.. good point, Smee. I see what you're saying. What would you suggest as a DP, then? I'm at a little loss here.
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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Apologise if I came across excessively harsh with my last comment, I must have been in a bad mood ;-)
I'm not too sure what to suggest for an alternative... it'd be good to get a DP where we're deciding how a character responds to circumstances rather than making authorial decisions on where the story goes. So perhaps this chapter could have extended to Solly thinking up two or three possible places to go looking for leads, and we choose which one to follow up - depending on which one we chose, you could have pre-planned on Solly either getting a lead, or failing (and therefore one of the others getting it).
Regardless, don't worry about it for this chapter, just something to consider for future.
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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Awww, no problem Smee. I'm a big girl.
You're right though- i do tend to get lazy when it comes to DPs, and your suggestion about making more leads and then having people choose is DEFINITELY more "playing by the SG rules" than I've really been doing. I may tweak this chapter a little to give it some guts.
((have trouble deleting the old poll though, for some reason?))
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Have you hit the 'Close Poll' button at the bottom of this page first?
Try that, (it should say something like 'now your poll is closed') Then scroll to the bottom of this page again and hit 'Delete Poll'. That should do it.
If that doesn't work, go into your initial post, hit 'Edit', scroll down to the bottom and check the 'Delete Poll' box and submit.
If that still doesn't work, then let us know and we'll get Key to come and beat it to death with a stick.
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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I'm actually having the same problem, Crunch. Those buttons don't even seem to exist.
I know what you're talking about- I've seen them before- but they're no longer there. It's like we don't have access priviledges anymore.
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Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:07 am Post subject: |
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YAY!!! The old poll is GONE!!
thanks for the tips. I had a mind lapse or something there.
anyway..
I STILL NEED INPUT FOR THE newwwwwww poll!!
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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An entertaining story which I am afraid is becoming entirely boring due to the very low-key DPs. The first two were meta-DPs and the current one is an arbitrary DP. These are precisely the two kinds of DP I advise people to avoid. (For more, see the "Holy Grail" in the Technical Institute).
If you want to get this story back on track, I suggest that you focus on Solly's side of the story for a while and construct DPs that revolve around what Solly can do. Make DPs that have meaning and depth, not something purely random like going to the Theater or to the Diner (without knowing much about either one).
But just to keep this story moving, I say go to the theater. It seems just as interesting as anything else.
But remember, if you want to keep your readers you will have to put more effort into building a character-driven DP in which the reader can weigh positives and negatives before coming to a conclusion.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:52 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the suggestions, D.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:23 am Post subject: |
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I say stay with Cam. Now we've established his profession, and that a Minister wants to see him, I'd like to see where his thread of the story takes us. At the moment it seems to be the strongest plot line. I want to know what the minister has to say.
Solly - to the Minister's offices!
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:26 am Post subject: |
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You know.. i may just run with those suggestions, actually, and not do an official poll. Does that bother anyone?
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:30 am Post subject: |
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| Well, you've got a fair few suggestions - Marline, Solly, the Teller, Cam, the theatre, the minister's offices....
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:55 am Post subject: |
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Hmm.. true. Hehe. Seeing how infrequently I manage to throw out even ONE chapter and DP lately.. maybe that's a bit too much to try all at once. Okay. You've convinced me! Lets poll it.
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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I voted for the Government office.
*Holds Solly breathe*
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tayfinch
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| Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 5:51 am Post subject: |
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I'm going to go with the government office, too.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:55 am Post subject: |
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Well after catching up I guess the government office sounds like the most promising option.
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My account may have been deleted but my completed SG is still there...
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| Where does Solly's arrow land, on his Wheel of Chance? |
| the Government office- where Cam is also headed |
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100% |
[ 6 ] |
| the Pensioner's office- where Marline is headed |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| The Theatre, the Newspaper and the Pier |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Stay where he is, on the Bench |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Revisit the Library and the Diner |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
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You cannot post new topics in this forum
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Winning!
