 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
zahark
Citizen
Joined: 14 Jun 2008
Topics: 3
Posts: 167
Location: Playing with weapons, specifically swords
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 9:16 am Post subject: a story by zahark |
 |
|
The start of a story I've been writing and criticism or ideas or comments would be much appreciated. This is also my first story that I've begun to write. it needs a title too if you can think of any good ones. thanx for reading.
Thunder arced across the sky darkening the day as a lone man approached the main guard house of a large estate.
He was tall and thin, with messy dark brown hair that fell into his narrow face and into his eyes. His eyes were the dark blue of the deep ocean, but they had a spark of light and life that shined from within their recesses. His long dark cloak covered some of his face and flowed down to his black boots. He walked silently pass the guard house without the guards even knowing he was there.
When he reached the estate a plump little man greeted him at the door with a “Hello sir how may I help you?”
He answered in the soft, velveteen voice of an angel “yes, you can, I’d like a word with your master, he requested my presence here right away.”
The little man was surprised at this statement, for master Roldolpho almost never invited people of lower class to his home. But he went to bring this news to his master anyway.
He entered the house as the little man scuttled away and found himself at a grand staircase with hall wings to either side, splendid red carpets, and a huge chandelier hanging above the stairs. The walls were of white marble with paintings hung at even intervals in the halls.
When the steward returned he reported that “the master will be with you shortly, wait in the second room off to the right.”
After the steward was gone he silently slipped into the room. It was a guest room; it had a small low bed with blue covers and walls. The rooms only other features were a small closet and a table with two chairs seated at it.
He sat silently on the low bed and waited for the master to come
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in.”
A large burly man with a round face, short curly black hair, and beady black eyes entered. He was wearing a black tux that barely fit around his inflated stomach and black boots with white gloves. He was dressed for business.
“I’m glad to see you could make it, Hidan, now down to business... I have a job for you, I’m sure it will be nothing to some one of your…. skill though….”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small sheet of paper. On the paper was a picture of a girl with red-brown hair that curled down to her shoulders in ringlets. Her eyes were a deep green and they were placed nicely into her heart shaped face.
“Her name is (I was thinking Lilly but if I can find a better name or if you have suggestions that would be helpful) and she is your target, I’ll give you one week to get the job done.”
Hidan took the slip of paper and committed everything to memory.
“If you’re not done in a week I’ll send someone else out to do the job, there’s a map on the back of where she lives.”
“Don’t worry it will be done, but why her?”
“You don’t need to know the reason.” He begins to get nervous and starts to wring his hands.
“And my pay?”
“Well considering the amount of time I’m giving you…how about 2,500 gold, but if the job isn’t done in time I will send other assassins to take care of both you and the girl.”
Hidan lets out a short, flat stale laugh. “Ha, you think I would work for that tiny fee, you have to be kidding me.”
He starts stammering “Well umm… h-how about 4,000”
Hidan smiles a dark crooked smile “you sorry little man you don’t know what you have gotten yourself into now do you, I’ll settle for 6,000.”
The plump man shifts his weight about and gains some confidence “Fine, 6,000 it is I’ll give you half now and the other half later”
Hidan frowns, displeased with this thought, and Roldolpho losses confidence because of this. “No, I want it all paid up front now”
Roldolpho hurries out of the room tripping on his way out the door to return with a heavy pouch. Hidan looks inside and it all looks to be there. “This better not be fake, or I’ll be paying you another visit in your sleep.”
He twiddles his fingers and looks to the floor “no sir. I wouldn’t dare give you fake coin.”
Hidan checks some of the coins and they don’t appear to be fake. Good, I’m glad you have finally realized who you’re dealing with, and don’t breath a word of this confrontation to anyone.” He flashes a dark smile.. “Good day to you sir, I’m glad to have done business with you.”
He quickly slips out of the room and the estate and into his element, the night. He quietly walks down the gravel road and slips by the now dark guard house with the sounds of snores drifting from the open door. He passes the large paved main road with many side roads leading up to the dark orderly estates meant for the upper-class. Having passed all the estates, the road turns to decent gravel with the tidy homes of the middle class lining the dark streets. Even the nearby merchants row in the market square was quite save for the occasional passerby. He finally reaches a dirt road with the black messy houses of the lower class sprawled about, built without any kind of plan or order. He walks until he reaches a tavern with rusty brown walls and a small tidy stable out back. Above the grey mismatched door is a sign in the shape of a white stallion name “The Prancing Horse” etched carefully into the sign in a dusty gold color, under that it read the best place to stay in Celcic town. The sign was but an echo of the former glory the tavern once possessed.
---------------------------------
Hidan mutters to himself “this should be a good place to stay its cheep and one of the least suspicious places in town, not to mention I would fit right in with all the other thugs that stay here.”
He opens the door, it protests and squeals loudly on its hinges, but no one turns to look at him. He steps in and sits quietly at a table in the corner by himself waiting for a waitress to come. Taking in the view, he spots three large men in the corner booth in front of him. They eye him cautiously and then continue their whispering. The rest of the room contains a staircase and a large fire place with pork roasting slowly on a spit above the fire. The rest of the tables are empty and the only other staff member there other than the waitress is the owner at the bar counter.
The waitress saunters over, she also eyes him with cautiously. She carefully addresses him, “May I take your order sir, today’s special is roasted pork.”
He replies with a pleasant disarming smile “yes, I’ll take a slice of pork and the best ale you have.” He slides her a generous tip, she nods ever so slightly.
“Yes sir, I’ll be back in a moment.”
The three men in the corner see him take out the large pouch of money Roldolpho gave him. They begin watching Hidan mare carefully out of the corners of their eyes, Hidan pretends to not notice.
The waitress walks up and sets a hot plate of pork and ale in front of him. “When you’re done with your meal sir, don’t forget to pay at the counter, a word of advice though I wouldn’t flash your money around here.”
He smiles up nicely at her “thank you miss. Oh and I think this will be all for tonight.”
She nods silently and drifts over to another table to tend to other customers. Hidan eats his diner slowly, savoring the taste of a proper meal, something he hasn’t had for quite some time.
He finishes his dinner and walks over to the bar keep. The keep eyes him suspiciously because of the large scar that twists its way down his face. The pale reminder of death stretched from his right temple down to his left cheek. Leaving a twisted scar going through his eye brow and across his eye lid. It then sloped down the bridge of his nose, to just miss his thin lips. It tore down through the middle of his cheek to the bottom of his jaw line all the while leaving the mutilated line of an evil sword along his otherwise perfectly tan skin.
Hidan slid his bill and the money to pay for it across the counter and to the bar keeps and said, “I’ll take the best room you’ve got, and I don’t want any disturbances.”
The barkeep took the money and counted it out as he put it in his safe box. “Alright then, I’ll have a maid send up water for the basin.” He slides a key across the table. “It’s the last room on the second floor.”
Hidan nods and heads up the stairs to his room.
He enters into a large room with oak walls and a large bed. The bed has a trans parent black stained veil hung around it with black linens and covers. To the corner is a wash basin with a bar of soap and a towel sitting on it. In front of the bed is a large wooden table with a chair seated at either end. Two red wick candles in the middle of the table dispel the darkness, and send shadows dancing and chasing each other across the wooden walls.
He sets his things in the corner and sits down on the bed, musing to himself.
He hears a maid approach his door and in a small voice she says she’ll leave breakfast outside the door in the morning.
Hidan gets up and washes the dust of the day off his face with the warm lavender scented water left for him in the basin..
He takes his cloak and boots off which reveal a tight beat-up tunic stretched across his slight but well muscled frame. His pants are black and lose fitting for better movement. Two belts are crisscrossed at his waist with a sword hanging there along with his two prized eloquent daggers. He took his weapons and belts off and blew out the shimmering light of the candles. He slipped into the bed and was out before his head hit the pillow.
------------------------------------
He woke to the sweet sounds of chirping birds. He got up; stretched, and walked over to the door and sure enough his breakfast was there.
Breakfast included two eggs with some ham, an orange, and some tea. It was delicious.
He grabbed his things from the corner, washed himself, and slipped out of the room and down the stairs leaving the maid to clean up the meal.
Down stairs he spied the three men sitting in the corner again. He walks over to the barkeep and slips him some gold coins, more than enough to pay for his stay saying” keep the change.”
He walks out the door and leaves his black stallion, Skrimeir, in his stall to come back for later.
He heads for the merchant district and spots three shadows following him, it was the three men from before.
He heads toward a narrower passageway to confront them. Once there he slows his pace so they can catch up to him. He listens to the low whispering going on behind him. “We should strike now where no one can see and take his money. I don’t see any weapons on him.”
The shadowed figures surge quickly forward revealing themselves as the three men from the inn.
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
