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Lady of the Shadows
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 Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 7:23 pm Post subject: The Silence |
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This SG is by both me AND snow tiger, so it's kind of a group SG. We made this in chat and I edited it in word, so bear with me. All comments and critiques welcome!
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Chapter 1
A hushed silence fell over the village, as the snow pure and white fell from the night sky
clothing the village in golden silence, white and peaceful. A tall figure in a black cloak, his face in shadow, carefully opened the door to an ordinary looking cottage. Once inside, he crept up the wooden stairs and entered the door down the end of the hall. With long fingers, thin and white, and dead cold he beckoned…
Red eyes followed his movements, unbeknownst to the mysterious stranger.
He drew back the hood of his dark cloak, the material worn and old. Shards of light from the moon fell across his face, thin and gaunt, his eye sockets deep and his skin a deathly white. His gaze fell upon the woman sleeping peacefully in the bed. When he had beckoned, the woman had turned over, synchronised to his movements. He drew his hands to his chest, and the woman, still asleep, floated limply over to his side. Her long brown hair swung around her as she came closer...closer...
He held her in his arms, an impossible feat with arms so thin.
"Master" he whispered, his voice low and throaty, "I have her."
A harsh wind blew in the open window, ruffling the curtains… A voice, cold as the snow that silently fell whispered maliciously,
"Excellent work, excellent work. But your task shall not be complete until you bring her to me..." As the voice faded away, it repeated once more,
"Briiiing heeerrrrr toooo meeee..."and then it was gone, vanished as quickly as it had come
The thin man stood for a minute, his head bent over the face of the woman, studying her face. Silently, with a thin long finger he traced her features out. She flinched at the coldness of his touch but did not wake. Tears formed in his eyes. He couldn't do this. But then he had to. What choice did he have?
No choice, a voice inside his mind echoed, no choice except death. he started to shake uncontrollably. No, he couldn't send her to a man as cruel and vicious as his master. The thin man made up his mind. He crept back down the stairs and was almost out the door, when he noticed the eyes. Cold, gleaming, and red. Watching him, following the slightest movement
An involuntary shudder ran through him. He knew what was on the other end of those gleaming eyes. And he never wanted to be near them. He knew what they could do. But if that was how the master was working, then very well. He was going to make sure Annabel never fell into the master's hands. Because even if he couldn't be with her anymore, he still loved her.
Meeting the red eyes' gaze with his own, he slowly took out a long, silver knife, never looking away. He glared at the eyes and put the knife at the throat of Annabel, pressing down slightly.
With a hiss, the man turned and fled out the door, running for the cover of the forest not far away. Once he was in its shelter, he laid the woman down and gently took the knife away. He knelt down and put his head in his hands, relieved that he hadn’t inadvertently killed her.
He watched her, his pale lips curling in a tiny smile. He caressed the soft chestnut curls that framed her face. the more he looked at her, the more he hated the man who had separated him from her, the one who had made him into what he had become, the one he had to call master.
He curled into a ball, his thin fingers in his hair, pulling at it, sobs racking his body. When he looked up at last, his face was once again serious. He had decided. No more. He was going to end this thing.
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Yeah, so, I guess the DP is, what's his next course of action?
_________________
Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows. - John Betjeman
If you look long and hard into the deep of the abyss, you will find me. In the last rays of the lingering sun, you will find me. But I will not return to you yet.
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KoRnFREAK
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| Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| intruiging (man I cant spell) first chapter, well for one thing if hes so skinny he should eat sumthin hahaha, well id stay clear of Mr. Red eyes and either find sum help or just go get weapons and trap equipment maybe a lil pack mule and things of that nature
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Tatkret Sos
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:05 am Post subject: |
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Interesting story  I think he should go on the run with Annabell. A tale of adventure. Until the finale at the end where it ends good or bad! 
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:03 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm... not a bad opener. It is fairly well edited, though watch out for repetitive word usage. It peaks the curiosity and makes the reader wish to understand more. However, I had a hard time imagining such a thin, frail creature running away with her in his arms. Though, from what you suggested, he's much stronger than he appears.
Obviously, his master is fairly powerful. Wake her and explain what is happening! (We need to know too.  )
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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Great first chapter, Lady of the Shadows and Snow Tiger 
Once I'd finished reading the thing that stuck in my mind was, why didn't the mans master go and get Annabel himself? Mabye he can't, and the only person who can is the man. So, if that is the case, mabye he should take her somewhere safe, leave her there, and then obviously, he's going to have to do something drastic. That he has decided to 'end this thing' sounds very final.
Mabye he will have to kill either himself or find a way to his master, depending on how big a character he himself is to the story. Or he could just get as far away as he can from his master, but we don't know enough about the hold his master has over him.
All in all, this story raises many questions in my mind, making it very intriguing, and I can't wait to find out the answers. Enjoying it, and I hope it's not too long till the next chapter!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Tatkret Sos
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| Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:40 am Post subject: |
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Ooh also I'd like to know more about this red-eyed character. Although leaving it as it is, leaves suspense and would make me even more anxious to read on! and what hold does this red-eued person have on him??? Really exciting! 
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Mattheus
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| Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:42 am Post subject: |
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| Very good read, I think that he should wake her up and tell her what is going on, or maybe she already knows and is a willing or unwilling part of the whole thing. Maybe a bit of history of how he got to this point.
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Mirel
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| Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:58 am Post subject: |
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I agree with both Thunderbird and Tikanni Corazon. I, too, am interested in learning more.
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snow tiger
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:42 am Post subject: |
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| Well.... I really want to finish this story but I really don't know when and if Lady will Be back. We wrote the first chapter by taking turns writing three sentences each But i promise....next time I see her we'll write the next chapter
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Lady of the Shadows
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| Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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i cant really be back for a little while, so i pass this story on to snow! sorry! this is a once every three months chance to talk so bye!
signed: Lady of the Shadows
lol
_________________
Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows. - John Betjeman
If you look long and hard into the deep of the abyss, you will find me. In the last rays of the lingering sun, you will find me. But I will not return to you yet.
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