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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
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Location: The Frozen North
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 Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 11:23 pm Post subject: A Story |
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I can hear a soft dripping that sounds like it's miles away. But it's not, it's rather close to me. Infact I can feel the warm fluid running down my arm, the droplets falling from my fingertips. I'm not sure what it is but it could be blood. I don't think it's mine. I don't hurt, not at all. I'm just tired. So damn tired.
It's warm wherever I am. I can't tell, I'm not sure. I'm too tired and lazy to open my eyes. It feels like they've got weights on them, heavy heavy weights. Then again I havn't been sleeping well. No, not at all. It's hard to sleep when you've got a guilt complex chewing on your soul. Worrying away even when you should be relaxed. But it was my problem, I never told anyone.
What is that? I havn't wet myself, no my lower regions are quite dry thank you. It's my shoulders. My chest. And of course the stuff is running down my arms. Dripping off my fingertips. Which are dangling. Why are they dangling? Alright, I should think about this.
I'm stretched out, laying in the recovery position almost. I'm tipped slightly forward on my side with one leg out straight, the other bent and supporting me, preventing me from laying fully on my stomach. One arm, the arm I'm resting on, has pillowed my head. The other is outflung and yes, whatever I'm resting on ends at the middle of my forearm. Leaving my wrist and hand dangling in empty space.
I'm resting at an angle. My head is lower than my feet. But it's a gradual slope, I'm in no danger of sliding into this oblivion. And whatever I'm laying on is slightly soft. Slightly spongey. I really should open my eyes and take a look. But I can't be bothered. I feel nice, feel safe. Feel warm and comforted. I'd probably still be asleep except for that dripping sound.
I can hear other sounds too but none are so steady as that particular one. I hear the clink of metal. It's soft and faint. Not like windchimes. I can't place where I might have heard that sound. And is there someone else in here? I think their might be because I hear them from time to time.
I really should look around I mean I'm not sure where I am. What I'm doing. Or why I'm wet. It's a continous flow of liquid too. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Steady and regular. But I'm not hurting. Is it water? Warm water? But I wouldn't have water leaking in my bedroom. Then again I'm doubtful this is my bedroom.
Alright. I need to quit being lazy. I should be terrified and panicked. But I'm not even really awake. I'm just barely around, barely aware. And I'd fall asleep again in a heartbeat if only that damn dripping would stop. Did I tell you I havn't been sleeping well? I havn't. Guilt has been eating me alive, night and day.
Was that a slam? Yes, yes it was. A heavy door slamming and not too far away either, the footsteps are loud and clear now. And a different sound, a sound I know. Something is sliding along the floor, plastic rustling as it's moved. Time to sit up, rub my eyes, and ask a few questions.
Whoever it is has stopped dragging whatever it was. The footsteps are coming closer, now is the perfect time and-
Oh, so you're waking up. Much as I'd love to let you be oh-so aware of what comes next I can't afford it. You might scream. And if you scream someone will surely hear you, I have neighbors afterall. Just relax again and I'll let you sleep some more. Sleep forever you heartless destroyer.
I know that voice! It's-
A sharp sting against my thigh and the world dissolves again. The name becomes unimportant and I feel sleep welcoming me. That dripping noise doesn't bother me anymore, it seems so soothing infact. Yes, I should sleep. Sleep would be very very welcome right now. Because I havn't been sleeping well, not with the guilt eating me and the eyes watching me. I havn't been sleeping at all.
Did I tell you that?
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Emperor
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| Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:18 am Post subject: |
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Great start Kalanna, I'm looking forward to more! Glad I caught this when I did. 
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A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. - Baltasar Gracian
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 2:57 am Post subject: |
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Well the last few lines really did make me want to go to sleep, although that's probably because it's getting late. Like when you're reading about food and suddenly you're hungry. 
I'm not really sure if I am a fan of this style of writing. The telegraphic sentences seem to drone on and put me off. All the interjecting questions also slightly annoy me. I'd rather get some answers from the get go about who this character is and what she wants. Otherwise the story is irrelevant to me.
Nonetheless, this is only a start-- a prelude to what I intuit will be a story with a fuller form. You just need to start stuffing it with some solid substance and then we'll see something good. I'm sure of it; I've read tales of yours.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Nshade
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| Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 4:25 am Post subject: |
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| Good story, the questions might be answered soon. It's only a beginning of a story anyway. You can always improve any qaulity with the story. Plus how you been kallana? Anywho, things change, even your tense when you've got other things on your mind, especailly if you start liking another way of writing. I'd reccomend a few good books to read.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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Nice, Rai! Very clever start- a really good hook to bring readers in. Definitely want to read more.
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 10:02 pm Post subject: |
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My first impression, until the very end, was that we were in the mind of someone who had slit their wrists... the clinking of metal being their dropping the razor, the dripping, their blood. But with the last few paragraphs, I now wonder.
So you had me thinking, anyhow, which is the point. Looking forward to more!
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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