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AdReNaLYNN
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 Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 5:27 pm Post subject: Deadtown[ My first Roleplay ] |
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The city was founded over Two hundred and sixty years ago by those who fled the intolerance of their various homelands. It sits at the head of an estuary, a stone's throw from the huge bay that first welcomes the settlers who came to this strange new world. Itsproximity to water shaped its future, much as a growing child is shaped by its environment.
From its earliest days the city's destiney was linkined with that of sailing ships and those who ply the waves. By the time of the American Revolution it was a bustling seaport and shipyard, wharves busy with trade, legal and otherwise. The shipping companies that crowded the waterfront exported tobacco, flour, indego, and fish to Europe, while accepting darker human cargo from the gold coast and beyond.
In the years that fallowed, the city's livelihood became even moretightly linking with the sea and the adjoining rivers that occasionally threatened to swallow it whole. Time passed. Ships were no longer made entirely of wood, so steelworks and oil refineries arose to build the battleships and freighters of the steam era. Like all seaports, in the beginning it was a brash and roughshod town but as the decades turned into centuries, it came to see itself in a more cosmopolitan light. As the city matured, it became more sophisticated in its pleasures, giving birth to opera houses, museums, and coliseums. Theseminary birthed first colleges, then universities. There were ups and downs- fires and floods, recessions and inflation- but the city always recovered, just as a human body recovers from fever and ills.
The symbiotic parasites who thought the city their own thrived, producing sports figures, surgeons,newspapermen,philosophers,statesmen and poets. The wheels of progress, industry, and business moved and in sync without grinding against one anothers gears. It was a city with a past and a future.
And then came the present.
Fourty years ago the denizens of the inner city began to abandon the brownstones and row houses of their ancestors for the roomier, greener environs of the outly suburbs. Soon the only people left were those too poor or disenfranchised to move. the neighborhoods began to decline as the working class gave way to working poor.
Thirty years ago, with the advancement of machinery, brute strength was no longer nessicary. The shipyards began to merchanize, as did the refineries and steel plants. Fewer and fewer jobs were opened to the unskilled and uneducated.
Twenty years ago the oil embargo drove the price of oil from two dollars a barrel to thirty two. Americans no longer able to afford to drive the lumbering gass guzzlers Detroit manufactured, turned to foreign imports. the demand for domestic steel dropped dramatically leaving more people jobless. It became even more difficult as people were laid off in droves and the educated could barely make a decent wage. The city began to tuble down as the city was faced with the lack of industry. A college degree ended up being the equivelant to high school deploma and the people with P.H.d's were inside resturants flipping burgers. Entire city blocks were abandoned and left to rot.
Fifteen years the government cut back on aid to the poor and the city was left to face its declining yearsbereft of services, neglected and abused. College graduates found themselves underemployed and the poor watched the poloticians and stock broakers drive their beamers and mercedies in to the slums to score cocaine. Crime rate soared. Political corruption was everywhere. Gangs began to proliferate, and with their growth, wars over turf escalated as well. Sometime during the heated battles between Uzitoting gang members the city was delivered a mortal wound.
Cities are living things. They are born and grow, mature and age. Sometimes they even die. But, cities unlike organic things made of flesh and blood, bone and sinew, do not know that they are dead. The symbiotes that labour so busily within the carcass are often determined to continue the pretense of life long after its vitality has bled away.
Deadtown was the largest of the maggots thriving within the corpse.
Most of the humans still dwelling within the city are unaware that ther is a sector of the city that the elected officials pretend does not exist. It is not located on an street map. Neither do patrol cars, ambulences, nor firetrucks venture into this lost neighborhood near the river. Cries for help are often heard echoing from its dark alley ways and twisting streets, but seldom answered- and for good reason. Fo rthis rotting heart of the once vital city. And what better place for the children of the night to gather than in a city that is already one of the living dead?
CURRENT STATE:
Two seperate vampyre clans have taken over this part of the city. The leaders are named Sinjion: whom is an excentric 18th century born vampyre, and Esher, a dark and demanding Vampyre.
Sinjion's gang of vampires and humans call themselves the black spoons. His gang helps him with the protection of the politicians and other high society members when they venture in for drugs. Sinjion is the highest know drug lord and has filled the streets of the city with filth and addiction.
Eshers gang of leathal vampires call themselves the five pointed stars. Esher owns the Dance Macbre, where his new pet Nickoliah Dances for his clans entrtainment. This place also serves a bar and a breeding grown for the humans who are lead in by his more attractive memebers. He also is the head of a high rankinf weapons cartel and has made a fortune doing this. His lutenit is name Decima and she makes sure all his orders are met. She is worse than the two, she has no heart and has killed most of Eshers memeber because they looked at her wrong.
Bother leader own Vampyre made mansions on the opposite ends of the part of town where their clan sleeps durning the day, you arent allowed to dwell withing the walls of their homes unless you have sworn a blood oath.
The central charater's name is Sonjia Blue, she is a different breed of vampire and is practically unstopable. She has come to deadtown to rid the city of the two lorda and hopefully she will be able to do so without getting her hands dirty.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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Hey there, AdReNaLYNN, and welcome to City of IF. 
That's an interesting background for a story you have there and well done for jumping straight in.
If you haven't had the chance yet, check out our guidelines on How to Write a Storygame to help you get used to writing in the Storygame format before you develop this any further.
What we're looking for is an opening chapter of about 1000 words or so with a 'Decision Point' for Sonjia, so we can all reply suggesting to you what we think she should do next. 
Writing a Storygame is a little different from running a traditional message board role-play game but it is rewarding and fun.
Cheers!
CF
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 9:57 pm Post subject: |
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| This is actually very well written, but I can't figure out the why of all the spelling mistakes and lack of correct spacing, since the author seems to have a good understanding of the language. I actually like the concept of this and will keep an eye out to see where it is going.
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Dragonite
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| Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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This is very well written, and i would also like it say Welcome to the City of If 
This is impressive and interesting at the same time... I'll have to come back to this when a bit more is written.
Good Job
-Dragonite
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I am a purple experiment, i have dark green eyes and i look like Stitch. I have four arms, antennae and my powers are, lifting 10000x my own weight, bulletproof, fireproof, shockproof, plasmaproof, i can control the elements and i can change my fur and eye color to look like Stitch.
I AM NOW A L&S FANATIC! =D
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Reiso
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| Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 2:00 am Post subject: |
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I agree with the others; with a little care and a greater eye towards spelling, grammar, structure and a clear Decision Point, this has many promising qualities. With just a bit of practice, you could easily become a good Storygame Author.
That being said, I am gonna give this one a pass. I was very much enjoying it until I realized it was another vampire story about warring clans/families. Vampires are so hot right now that I have a hard time finding any ability to be interested in them. But try not to let that discourage you--they're hot for a reason, I guess.
Oh, and welcome. 
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Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ...
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter--bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter
And because it is my heart." -- Stephen Crane
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:46 am Post subject: |
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Nice to see another new face in the growing mob!
This story seems quite interesting- and I agree with all the previous statements about spelling, punctuation, etc. You're an excellent writer, and you have a great handle on description! A little polish, and you'll be winning SG competitions in no time!
HOWEVER: i THINK you're skipping around in tenses a little.
Right at the start, you do a little of this:
| AdReNaLYNN wrote: | | It sits at the head of an estuary, a stone's throw from the huge bay that first welcomes the settlers who came to this strange new world. |
welcomes is present tense, where as came is past. It's just a little thing, but something that helps keep the story on track if your setting involves a lot of history in the background.
I do have another question: is this whole entry the prologue to your story, then? If you'd like to leave a little of this for later on, you could let your characters explain the different waring factions INSIDE the writing.
Anyway, great job, i look forwards to reading more!
-Skitty
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