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 Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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And the plot thickens...
I can see why this chapter was so long. You revealed a lot of information. Found no glaring errors, and it was nice read.
Persivian I am sure could handle anything if it came at him. But we know that Guia's instincts are pretty accurate when it comes to determining friend versus foe. Trust her now, and do not reveal yourself to the visitor should he or she enter. Like Smee has said, so much has been revealed, and the clock of time is moving fast. 
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:41 am Post subject: |
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| i would read the new chap but my eyes are still way 2 blurred form the chlorine so ill do it tommorow
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 10:22 am Post subject: |
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| saxon215 wrote: | | i would read the new chap but my eyes are still way 2 blurred form the chlorine so ill do it tommorow |
Either you went swimming in an indoor pool, or you decided to immerse yourself in a bucket of chlorine, which would be very dangerous.
Despite the chlorine, your spelling is not that bad.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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I do not think the visitor would say much to Jud'ami that he wouldn't say to Persivian, and I don't think we have much to fear from the stranger. On the other hand, the wizard is fairly weak right now. If something did go wrong, it wouldn't be a good time for it. It's clear that Jud'ami doesn't know this man either.
Talk to the man later. Have Jud'ami take his name "Just in case Persivian does show up", and find him tomorrow. If it was urgent, the man would say so and be insistent. But if the man becomes insistent, let him in and speak to him directly. At best, hiding would show weakness, even if it was meant to represent cunning.
Nice set up! This could get very interesting (And I love the water clock, by the way) 
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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Nice. I go for hide in the shadows, with a spell ready in case things go wrong.
Good chapter! You have a nice 'mellow' flow!
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Ravenwing wrote: | Either you went swimming in an indoor pool, or you decided to immerse yourself in a bucket of chlorine, which would be very dangerous.
Despite the chlorine, your spelling is not that bad. |
close rave, outdoor pool but for like the entire day, well seven hours straight anyway
i am reading the chap now so ill reply once i'm done
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| Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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Seven hours straight?! You're crazy, Sax. But you already knew that. I would have turned into a prune if I stayed in the water for so long.
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| Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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*strungles to finally finnish the massive chapter* phew that wqas a long read and very broken up becxause i had to leave and come back so many times, but it was a good one and i enjoyed it
| Ravenwing wrote: | | Seven hours straight?! You're crazy, Sax. But you already knew that. I would have turned into a prune if I stayed in the water for so long. |
hahahha im a costal ozzy we're around water alot plus i was with my mates an enjoying myself despite feeling very sick so yeah we stayed in for a while, then we chased each other around with water baloons and wreslted each other for them
then rach tried to dack costie when we captured her an so i was trying to get her off an tugging her around and let me tell ya that girl has got a bloody good grip i swear her hands are like crap claws, when they lock omn to something they stay locked
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| Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 10:14 am Post subject: |
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Your life seems to be always filled with drama. LOL. :rofl:If mine only had something as entertaining...
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| Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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What the hey, the poll is now up. If someone else has a different option they'd like to submit, I can put it up too. The poll will run till there is a definate majority of votes and I have time to do the next chapter. Happy voting 
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| Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Ravenwing wrote: | | Your life seems to be always filled with drama. LOL. :rofl:If mine only had something as entertaining... |
you say that now rave but a simple straight forward relaxing life would do me no harm, rather then having to race off every five minutes to fight aslines or dinosaurs or dinosaur aliens, while being a funtioning Beast in the A.C.P.A. being a regular teenager, writting, friends AND school
i spose one mans torture is anothers paradise right?
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| Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:12 am Post subject: |
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atleast i can spell a word that only has wto letters in it corewctly 
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| Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:10 am Post subject: |
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| saxon215 wrote: | | Ravenwing wrote: | | Your life seems to be always filled with drama. LOL. :rofl:If mine only had something as entertaining... |
you say that now rave but a simple straight forward relaxing life would do me no harm, rather then having to race off every five minutes to fight aslines or dinosaurs or dinosaur aliens, while being a funtioning Beast in the A.C.P.A. being a regular teenager, writting, friends AND school
i spose one mans torture is anothers paradise right? |
Guess you're right on that point. But I would like to see what it would like to go hunting for dinosaurs or dinosaur aliens or whatever crazy space being that may fall onto the Earth. I It adds spice to life.
My vote is cast to stay in the shadows. I gave my reasoning, and I keep with it.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:43 am Post subject: |
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| Ravenwing wrote: | Guess you're right on that point. But I would like to see what it would like to go hunting for dinosaurs or dinosaur aliens or whatever crazy space being that may fall onto the Earth. I It adds spice to life.
My vote is cast to stay in the shadows. I gave my reasoning, and I keep with it. |
mmmmmm spice, well if your ever down under rave then come visit me and we'll have a few beers an then go dinosaur or alien or alien dinosaur hunting
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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We will see. I would like to visit Australia, and actually most of the world. I just need time, and money. LOL. Most students have very little of both.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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| hahaha Rave in ozz now that WOULD be a funny sight, but then again rave anywhere is pretty hillarious
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| Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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K, the poll is closed now, and the chapter should be up hopefully in a couple of days. Staying hidden in the shadows won, but I'm still open to suggestions and comments while I write.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 12:44 am Post subject: |
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| cool i cant wait
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:53 am Post subject: |
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Of course you can't wait because you're sitting on the edge of your seat.
| Quote: | | hahaha Rave in ozz now that WOULD be a funny sight, but then again rave anywhere is pretty hillarious |
[color=darkviolet]Seeing me around the world would be a funny sight. Probably would break every custom unintentionally of course.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Ravenwing wrote: | Of course you can't wait because you're sitting on the edge of your seat.
| Quote: | | hahaha Rave in ozz now that WOULD be a funny sight, but then again rave anywhere is pretty hillarious |
[color=darkviolet]Seeing me around the world would be a funny sight. Probably would break every custom unintentionally of course. |
but doesent every tourist do that?
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:41 pm Post subject: |
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It only took a moment’s consideration for Persivian to decide what to do. The stranger’s appearance, like so much of what had been happening recently, hardly seemed coincidental. Guia’s reaction to the man’s appearance had not been quite favorable, so the wizard had to assume he wasn’t exactly an ally. The stranger knew he was in the city (after all, Persivian hadn’t made his arrival a secret) and since Jud’ami and Persivian were life-long friends it would not seem illogical for Jud’ami to have the stranger come in for a bit and “wait” for Persivian to come. And if Jud’ami could get any relevant information out of him while they waited…
“Guia,” he whispered, “have Jud’ami tell the stranger that although he knows I’m in the city, he doesn’t know exactly where I am. Have him invite him inside for a while, to see if I show up. See if he can get the man to say a little about why he’s visiting, and we’ll hide and watch.”
The cat nodded and conferred the message to the sea-wizard upstairs. Meanwhile Persivian, his senses reaching out so as not to trip over anything, crossed over to a shadowed corner where the light of the fire couldn’t reach, grabbing his wine glass and Guia’s empty saucer as he went. Drawing upon his powers once again, he gathered the shadows a little closer about himself and Guia, till he knew they’d be invisible from where the stranger would sit. Then he seated himself and waited.
Apparently the stranger had accepted Jud’ami’s invitation, for they could be heard clumping down the stairs. Jud’ami, ever the gracious host, offered him wine, which the stranger accepted coolly. He obviously didn’t want to make friends. As his friend left to get a glass, Persivian “examined” the stranger in his own sightless fashion – a combination of smell, sounds, and the use his magical senses.
He seemed to be a slight man, a little more than average height. The scent of dust and horses lingered about him as though he’d been traveling, and when he leaned back in his chair he was stiff, tensed and on guard. He did not fidget, sitting silently in his chair, sipping the wine but only out of courtesy. Guia leaned against Persivian, and he knew that there was something about this man she did not fully trust.
After a few moment’s silence, Jud’ami asked casually, “How long have you known Persivian?”
“I do not know him, precisely,” replied the stranger. “Only by reputation.”
“I see. Well, perhaps I can offer my aid to you, in case he does not come tonight. What did you need?”
The stranger said coldly, “He and I must speak.”
“I gathered that,” said Jud’ami with a smile. “And I realize that perhaps you may not enjoy speaking much. But this is my home you are waiting in, and I would appreciate a little more elaborate of a reply.” Haha! thought Persivian. Score one for Jud’ami.
The stranger considered this for a moment, and then answered grudgingly, “It has come to my attention that he was involved in a battle earlier today, over-” then he stopped and bit his lip.
“Yes?” prompted Jud’ami.
“Over a woman,” said the stranger.
“I see,” pondered the wizard. “Was this woman a sister, mother…” giving the visitor a sly glance, he continued, “lost lover?”
This seemed to anger the stranger. “Lost, yes,” he replied tightly. “Lover, no. A – a friend of mine, I suppose you’d say.”
“Hmm. I suppose you are looking for my friend so that he can help you find her?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “I need to know what happened and where she is. I worry about her, after she left, and then I heard about this fight. So you see, I must discuss the matter with Persivian.” Then he fell silent again, and let body language communicate how unwelcome the questioning was.
Jud’ami nodded and sipped his wine, staring into the fire. “Well,” he said slowly, “If you tell me your name I can pass a message on to Persivian, should he arrive.” The dismissal was clear, to both the stranger and Persivian, hidden in the shadows. Both men stood up, and the stranger handed his glass over to Jud’ami. It had hardly been emptied.
“Thank you for the refreshment,” he said curtly. “I feel much better for the rest, but I must be going.”
“Of course,” agreed Jud’ami. As the stranger started for the stairs, he asked again, “Your name, then?” sounding for all the world like a man trying to help out. The stranger could hardly refuse the request.
“Verrad,” he replied, then climbed the stairs. Persivian listened to the sound of his footsteps climbing up, the opening of the door and the dull boom as it fell shut again. Only then did he emerge from the corner.
“I am sorry, friend,” said Jud’ami, extending a hand and guiding Persivian back to his chair. “But it was clear to me that this Verrad would say no more.”
“It is all right,” Persivian answered. “He was very tight-lipped.”
Shaking her head, Guia remarked, “I doubt you could have done better given another hour. A very unhelpful person all in all. He didn’t even give you his surname.”
“Yes, it’ll make it difficult to track him,” mused Persivian.
“Assuming that’s what you want to do,” Jud’ami remarked. Looking at his friend with raised eyebrows, he continued, “I don’t think he was here to aid you.”
“No,” Persivian agreed, “but he does know something about Minaar, and perhaps would be worth talking to at a later time.” Turning to the cat, he asked, “Guia, what do you think about all this?”
She, however, remained silent, as if troubled somehow.
Finally Jud’ami sighed. “Whatever you decide, I think it should wait till morning. It is very late, after all.”
Persivian sighed. “Perhaps you’re right. Today has been taxing.” As he stood up, he heard a dull thump behind him. Turning around, he felt the seat of the chair until his fingers brushed the smooth surface of a gemstone. He picked it up. “Odd,” he frowned. “The pouch this was in was tied shut, I thought.”
“What is it?”
“One of the gems we found in Minaar’s wagon,” Persivian replied. He handed it over to Jud’ami, who studied it carefully. “An emerald?” the sailor asked.
“Yes,” answered Guia. “As well as tiger’s eye and kyanite. Perhaps you should examine them now,” she suggested.
Nodding his agreement, Persivian pulled out the other two gems. “They are strange,” said Jud’ami as he examined them. “They do not appear to be ensorcelled, but they contain magical energies.” Looking up at Persivian, he asked, “You say the girl had these?”
“Yes,” he replied.
Handing the gems back to his friend, Jud’ami said, “They feel familiar somehow, the type of magic in them. I wonder…”
Persivian held the three gems in his cupped hands. Pulling up his magical senses, he delved into them, trying to divine their magical aura, to discover their properties. Finally he said, “You are right to say they are familiar. They feel just like the Golden Star; their magic is of the earth. They seem to have innate properties, rather than ones spelled into them.”
“Can you tell what those properties are?”
The wizard continued to stare straight ahead, his cloudy gaze lost in concentration. Suddenly he swayed. “Help me,” he said. “I am too tired…” Immediately Guia jumped up, onto the arm of the chair, and then to Persivian’s shoulder. She leaned against his head and purred, the rich sound pouring into the man’s ears. Jud’ami clapped a hand onto Persivian’s other shoulder, willing him his strength as well. Together they stood for almost a minute. Finally Persivian smiled. “Thank you,” he said. “What with the impromptu battle, and the sight spell, this task was almost beyond me.”
“What did you find?” Jud’ami asked.
First Persivian held up the emerald, a two-inch long hexagonal crystal, its green color rich in the firelight. It almost seemed to glow with its own inner light, as was the way of such un-shaped stones. “I remember now,” said the wizard, “a lesson we once had about the natural properties of many things found in nature. Someone used earth magic to enhance this emerald’s innate property of healing. It is now a sort of health stone, able to heal one’s wounds.”
Tiger’s eye was next. “It is the same for this stone,” he said. Persivian rubbed his thumb over the smooth hemisphere of the gem, imagining its multi-colored amber sheen. “This stone can be used now to influence the opinions of others. Too bad I didn’t know that when Verrad was here,” he said wryly.
Finally he held up the kyanite. Unlike the others, this one had very few smooth sides. It was a long-bladed crystal, nearly five inches long, and its points were sharp. The color was rather beautiful, a deep sapphire blue, with many planes that glittered and reflected the light of the fire. “This is a scrying gem,” he murmured. “A fairly powerful one, if you knew how to use it, I should think.”
Guia rubbed her head against the wizard’s cheek. “Well done,” she said.
“So someone skilled in earth magic…enhanced these gems?” Jud’ami asked.
Persivian nodded. “For healing, influence, and scrying. I wonder who had the ability to do such a task,” he wondered aloud.
Jud’ami didn’t seem to be paying attention. Instead he exclaimed, “Of course! I’d often wondered how the star was made, and what spell was laid in it. But there was no spell; its natural properties were simply brought out. That’s why the Star makes people feel such hope and strength after they carve into it.”
“It must have been done on a grand scale, to produce such results. I think its power has been augmented by more than just the gold, but it does fit. Perhaps that is the connection between Minaar and the Golden Star.”
Before they could get too excited, Guia cut in, “Well, it sounds like you boys are on a roll. But before you get too carried away, may I remind you that it is no longer nighttime according to your charming clock, and if you want to be able to do any investigating tomorrow, sleep may be in order?”
Persivian shook his head. “I can always trust you to pull me back to earth, Guia.”
“But before we rest,” Jud’ami interjected, “I think we ought to decide exactly what we will be investigating. What’s the plan for the morning?”
An excellent question. They had several options. The original plan had been to find Lehrar, and ask him more about the Golden Star and the events that had transpired since its arrival. But now they had two other leads as well: the address on Minaar’s envelope, and the strange visitor of the night, Verrad. The only question was, who to track down first?
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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I had to doom myself to less than six hours of sleep tonight to get this chapter done, but it was well worth it. Getting caught up in a story makes you remember why writing is such a wonderful thing.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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Nice chapter DF, as usual!
I say stick with the plan, seek out Lehrar.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 1:26 am Post subject: |
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I'm really enjoying this one
I'm also F5ing Chinaren again. Let's find out more about the Golden Star 
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 5:15 am Post subject: |
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| I agree lets stick with the plan
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 5:53 am Post subject: |
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Excellent Chapter Dragon.
The detail of his blind observations are fantastic, and the interactions between the characters are very natural. I throughly enjoyed reading that.
I think answers from Lehrar can wait - he isn't going anywhere, whereas Verrad could be lost very soon. Sure we could go and learn about the Golden Star, but what if we learn something important that marks Verrad as a vital connection and we'd lost him. At the very least we should aim to get a better means of finding him , maybe a surname or destination so that if we do need him we can find him quickly.
Maybe we could split up - Jud'ami could try and track Verrad whilst we go and learn about the Golden Star, or maybe we could attempt to use the scrying stone to find out Verrad's location.
Lots of possibilities, great chapter.
Happy Writing.
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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Nice new chapter, fellow dragon.
It is not likely you're going to find Verrad any time soon. Persivian wanted to stay hidden from Verrad's presence, if he starts making inquriries, there may be a likely demand of why Persivian did not reveal his presence and all. Finding more about the Star I think can wait.
Investigate the address I say. You may find something more about the woman carrying these powerful stones.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 7:51 pm Post subject: |
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It's too bad this storygame couldn't be nominated for SGOTM. It would have definitely received my vote. Smee is right, the descriptions are great. The blindness helps flesh out the environment more, but we're still allowed to see the scenes for ourselves. And the story has a lot of mystery to it, and man do I love mystery. I've also noticed that you're very good at finding a place in the story for all of our replies. We've noticed and we appreciate it!
I think finding Verrad will lead to finding a lot more answers instead of mere speculations about the star. Anyway, as a person concerned for Minaar (which I think is sincere on account of his insistence that they are friends, not lovers... he's sensitive about it, which means he feels a very certain way about her. An enemy would just say "not really" or something dismissive), we should find him to tell him about the battle and offer some help.
However, if Verrad is found, we need to make it clear that there are no secrets. Tell him about the stones, but tell him that he can't have them. Only Minaar may ask for her rightful property (if they truly are her rightful property).
I like the idea of splitting up for information, if Jud'ami is for it, but I think Persivian should find Verrad. We've already heard what he's had to say to Jud'ami. I don't think we should invoke the power of the stones yet. I would like to know more about them before doing anything hasty. If there is a connection to the Star then we may be tapping into more than we bargained for.
And by the way, it took me a moment to figure out this sentence:
"“I see,” pondered the wizard. “Was this woman a sister, mother…” giving the visitor a sly glance, he continued, “lost lover?”"
Both Persivian and Jud'ami are wizards, so I wasn't sure who was being quoted. Then I wasn't sure if it was being spoken or just thought. It's a small slip, but I figured it was worth telling you.
Keep it up! I want to see "Uncertain Quests" nominated next month!
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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I really wanted to nominte this story for the SGOTM for January, but dragon_fire had already been nominated by I think chinaren for another story. I made mention of that in that topic.
But I am with Lebrenth here. This story deserves to go through the competition.
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saxon215
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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| sorry i took so long for me to get around to reading this, good chap though we learned a little about the secrets of the gems, when this story is in sgotm you've got my vote
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I really wanted to nominte this story for the SGOTM for January, but dragon_fire had already been nominated by I think chinaren for another story. I made mention of that in that topic. |
Well, there's nothing to stop you nominating another story by the same author!
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saxon215
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:17 am Post subject: |
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| actually im pretty sure we used to have a law against that, check with a member of the IFolice for the City of InterFable book of Laws and Ordinances
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:33 am Post subject: |
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That's rather funny. Sorry Dragon Fire, when I read the rule "Only one nomination per person" I assumed that meant you couldn't have two nominated stories! ... Are we sure? Maybe we should ask Ingrothechundyer. And there's still ten days left before the 31, if he was willing to do a recount. There was certainly interest expressed in the nomination forum, and I never nominated anyone if he needs that extra technicality taken care of.
But don't get me wrong! I want to win SGOTM too!
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Smee
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:54 am Post subject: |
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There isn't a rule about multiple stories from one author - Chinaren had three in one poll just a couple of months ago.
Such things may change in the future, but for now, there's no issue.
However, quite a few people have voted already - I don't know if you'll be able to get the poll changed at this time.
Dragon Fire seems to be doing ok for readers in this story anyway, and his other story is nominated. There is always next month.
Happy Writing.
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, thanks for all the responses everyone!  I figure there's enough responses now for a poll, so vote away. Oh, and Lebrenth, thanks for pointing that out. I usually try to make it clear who's who, but I slipped up that time. It was Jud'ami talking there.
And if I could beg a favor...if anyone is reading along with A Nightmare Realized, could you maybe go there and post a suggestion or two? I'm kind of low on responses and need a little guidance myself, so that would be cool.
Anyway, this poll will be up for a few days, then I'll get to work on a new chapter. If anyone has a poll option I missed, let me know and I'll try to add it in.
By the way, I thought I'd let you all know that I am a girl. Not that that matters of course, just didn't want to continue on under false pretenses.
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry everyone, it won't show the 4th poll option, to split up and follow different leads. I'm PMing Smee as we speak...
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| dragon_fire372 wrote: | | By the way, I thought I'd let you all know that I am a girl. Not that that matters of course, just didn't want to continue on under false pretenses. |
Yay, I was right! I've been dying to know that for a while now. I was even checking the "what gender are you" forum in hopes that you would happen to join and mention it.
As soon as it's ready I'll cast my vote here. And as far as "Nightmare Realized" goes, you shouldn't sweat it. Proceed with the story with what you've got. If you're set on saving the family, stop worrying about it. If it doesn't work out, even if they just die it can be used for the story. Maybe something to get Nate worked up and motivated. He needs something to get him into gear or he'll just be an anchor through the whole event and he'll hate himself forever.... Ok, maybe too far. But anyway, don't let yourself get bogged down. Keep the momentum! The key is persistance!
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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Persistence and dedication, and of course, time. *grins* Dragon_fire you should try Nano Wrimo. It's a writers' competition that requires people to write 50,000 words of a novel in a whole month. And during that the month, the forums are always filled with suggestions and support. I am sure you would enjoy doing it. It really taught me time management skills let me tell you. Definitely gave me a break from my college essays.
Hope Smee fixes the poll soon. I don't want to vote until all the choices are up.
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