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Chinaren
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 Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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Pills!! The pills! Tell us about the pills godammit Rav!! 
Nice chapter btw. Though there were parts where I was beginning to think it should have been in Fantasty!
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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I think this story could fit just as easily into fantasy or skiffy. No reason we can't merge the two 
Another highly inventive chapter there. I didn't expec the dragon to be working for someone higher up, certainly. We'll have to watch out for this Darklord - although I shouldn't think we'll have to watch hard
I agree with Chinaren. Ask about the pills. They sound like the biggest christmas present under the tree at the moment. Let's rip that paper! 
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Viridian
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 12:20 am Post subject: |
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(There are some missing commas, full stops and quotation marks. )
| Quote: | | Being an only child, who's Mother had passed away years earlier, Tim slowly realized that he would soon be the recipient of his father's dynasty. |
Whose.
| Quote: | | "Timothy," the voice said tauntingly, like a man giving candy to a child, "Timothy, your missing out on a golden opportunity!" |
| Quote: | | "Would it hurt? Is it... painful? If you have my soul, do I actually get to experience the life your offering me?" |
You're.
| Quote: | | Quivering in terror, the Beast pled for his forgiveness,[...] |
Pleaded.
| Quote: | | Her panicking vibrations shook the cavern in return, stones cracking beneath her clawed feet. |
Panicky?
There's a bit where Mack's wondering about whether the others know than he did about the dragon. Was the present tense intentional? 
| Quote: | | He began to writhe with anger at the world's insistent refusal to allow him to live up to his mighty emperor of a father figure. |
Love the imagery of this sentence. 
What's a dungeonous surface?
Nice chapter! I really like Tim.  What has the Morningstar been doing to Brendra? (Did I miss something from previous chapters? )
It seems to fit into all genres, as the others said. At this point, it seems as if Mack doesn't have many options concerning what to do... Ask about the Pills and then move off to his training.
I'll shut up now. 
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Pills sound good. So do guns. Pills and guns. Yum.
Good chapter, though I'm still not convinced about demons and stuff like that. I'll wait to be proved wrong.
*holds breath*
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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Very nice chapter, though a bit longish, but I got through it. LOL.
| Quote: | | Quivering in terror, the Beast pled for his forgiveness, "I a-a-apologize, Great One, Morning Star, Most Beautiful Lord of Darkness and Light! |
I liked the wyrm's different names for her master.
Yes, let us find out more about these pills. We have heard them mentioned so often.
| Ravagerrr wrote: | | Sure... but when you get up over 20 chapters or so, there's no way you'd want to go through em all just to get to the latest decision point! After 50, after 100 etc...? |
I don't think any of the finished storygames have gone over 15 chapters. Even Key's stories end around there. Though I have a feeling Sax's Monster in the Shadows may reach 20 plus chapters if he ever finishes it.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I don't think any of the finished storygames have gone over 15 chapters. Even Key's stories end around there. Though I have a feeling Sax's Monster in the Shadows may reach 20 plus chapters if he ever finishes it. |
Narg just finished on chapter 28.
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 5:07 am Post subject: |
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Very interesting chapter - a good read.
I certainly wouldn't complain if you wanted it in fantasy - but it seems quite as happy here. Entirely up to you.
| Quote: | | Breakfast, for Mack, was a hearty meal of ten omelets, five cheeseburgers, a loaf of bread, lightly toasted and smothered with butter, and a side of 40 ounces of steak |
Now that's a breakfast.
As for the options - it's gotta be the pills. Too much pride and smug smiles about them to last any longer without knowing.
Happy Writing. 
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| Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Viridian... I very much appreciate you pointing out the errors... I must fix them soon... I disagree with the pled part, but I figured out another way to put it anyhow.
| Viridian wrote: |
What's a dungeonous surface?
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A stony surface like what you would find in a dungeon... yes... I'm not above making up words
| Viridian wrote: |
What has the Morningstar been doing to Brendra? (Did I miss something from previous chapters? )
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If you read the last chapter and this one, the puzzle pieces should fall into place.
Regarding the Genre discussion... I know... this is fantasy in a sci-fi setting... I tried to get an idea of where to put it before I began without revealing too much of the idea, but I got vague "i dunno's" so it ended up here as it started more in the sci-fi realm. Yes... its both. (even some horror thrown in... and a touch of humor)
| Rave wrote: |
Very nice chapter, though a bit longish, but I got through it. LOL.
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Yeah... didn't mean for it to go so long, but there wasn't a whole lot of focus on the main character here and I didn't want to divide the back-plot into too many pieces. I'll try to keep em shorter... sorry.
| Stoat wrote: | I didn't expec the dragon to be working for someone higher up, certainly. We'll have to watch out for this Darklord - although I shouldn't think we'll have to watch hard
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and
| Rave wrote: | | I liked the wyrm's different names for her master. |
and
| Lordy wrote: | | The names do make it sound similar to Lucifer, or Satan, or the Devil - whatever who wish to call him. Do you think it could be? |
Consider the names of the chapters... "Woe to thee o' Earth and Sea", "Devil's Luck". The first comment is the begginning of a biblical quote from Revelations: Woe to thee o' Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the Beast with wrath because he knows the time is short. Hmmm...
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 3:12 am Post subject: |
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I was just checking. Otherwise I'll have leapt to conclusion once again, looking into stories in too much detail, when in actual fact they're just cool names.
But no that's sorted - woo. Though it was Morningstar that finally convinced me it was the Father of Lies.
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| Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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| Poll for chapter 9 is up now!!!!! VOTE!!!!
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 2:15 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I'll try to keep em shorter... sorry. |
Many of us are quite happy with long - in fact the longer ones thoughout IF history have been some of the most popular - Thorns and Steel, Best of Three, No Good Deed, and now The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever.
If it needs the length don't worry about it
*Votes for pills and settles back to wait for the next chapter*
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The Powers That Be
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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Pills! Pills!
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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| POWERS! Nice to have ya along for the ride!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I hardly need to add my vote, pills are winning.
I noticed that your imagery is becoming more sophisticated with every chapter, and the character characteristics seem to be settled.
I'm enjoying the chapters and I finally caught up.
Truthfully, I think the fantasy part is overdoing it. To me it takes away from some of the previous futuristic but yet considerably entertaining and somewhat realistic settings.
But the story is still great, keep writing!
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