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D-Lotus
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 Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:40 pm Post subject: Chapter 1- The Confession Box |
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Well, I have the first chapter, which I'd wish to submit to the editor team. Give me any suggestions you want.
Dedications: Frank O'Connor, and the Spanish basketball team.
The Confession Box
The night was stormy and frightening, and the glutinous dark that swallowed everything outside bothered Father Devine. He sat reclined on a chair, and tried to focus on his reading. Father Devine was a handsome white-haired man, mild in character and compassionate, although occasionally absent-minded. He held the book apart from his face while pondering. He was a philosophical, learned man. He had encountered many books, and none had ever given him a reason not to believe in a Creator. It could be said he was light-heartedly spiritual; he had faith, but he never questioned it. Faith was a well asserted fact for him, and he never gave himself a headache trying to understand the underlying levels of complexity, even in a scholarly conversation.
Father Devine loosened his clerical collar and reclined further into his seat, gazing at the book somewhat tiredly.
It was true that Devine had an unconscious sort of unshakable faith, but this could have been partly because of his beliefs in humanity. To Devine, He existed, but it was human perfection that he saw as tangible. Human perfection supposed kindness, love, generosity, repentance, and all contained in Christ’s message. Devine thought rarely of God; he spared his thoughts for people.
That is not to say he believed only in the ideology of Christianity. He was a man of faith, as unmovable as a stone, but not as Father Dole. Father Dole believed firmly in what he had been taught, would argue his opinion fiercely, would never skip a rule, and was obedient as a child to the Church. Devine too was set in his beliefs, but when someone disagreed, he simply shrugged them off, as if their opinion were of no importance because he understood a deeper truth. He simply didn’t bother to think about it- if love was part of God, then God was good. Devine had a quality of understanding which attached people to him. Everyone loved Devine as Devine loved everyone.
The dimly lighted room began to fade from Devine’s view as he lay the book down on the arm rest and began to drowse. All his worldly possessions disappeared from view as sleep enveloped him in its tendrils: the book shelf with its books, his bed, and his assorted pictures of saints. Outside his window, a silent flash of lightning illuminated the room in a pale effulgence. The moment being over, the room recovered its faint yellow hue as the fire died down.
**
A loud knocking woke Father Devine. He grumbled but gradually got up from his chair. He looked around his room and outside the window. The cold blackness of the night caused an involuntary shudder in him. He grabbed a burning oil lamp and walked out into the hallway, from where he opened the door to the altar.
His habit fluttered around his legs as he walked through the nave of the church. The knock repeated itself. Devine walked hurriedly through the aisle, coughing.
“Just a minute!” he cried in a strained voice.
In the high apse, spiders in their webs watched Devine make the finishing stretch from the last pews to the door.
Devine brusquely opened the door and gazed out. The darkness stared back, relishing in its complete overpower. There was nobody.
“Hallo!?” he shouted.
Suddenly the blackness was crushed by the illuminating light of another lightning flash. In the split second it took for the monstrous blackness to regain control, Devine saw a man’s foot before it disappeared into the bushes. He stood there a few seconds, waiting for the man to come back. Then he felt a light tap on his shoulder.
“Who is it?” asked Father Turner.
Father Devine shrugged, a gesture that irritated Father Turner. Turner hated Devine’s non-challance, and the way he couldn’t be made to change his opinions on people’s natural goodness. Turner believed contrary; original sin marks us for life, and humans will always be sinners.
Father Dole came running. He was a hearty, big-boned, rosy-cheeked man in his thirties. As soon as Turner saw him coming, his eyes flared in dislike. It was the dislike of the professional towards the amateur. Father Turner knew the right people, ate the right food, and consoled the wealthy widows. He was a controlling man who loved to exercise his power, and Dole, with the Decalogue as his only mandate, would not allow his steering hand.
Devine was the oldest of the three, and Turner was somewhere in between.
Dole looked out from behind their shoulders, but Devine closed the door briskly.
“Whoever it was, they’ve left now.” he said.
This left the discussion at an end, and all three departed to their respective humble dormitories. As he closed the altar door behind him, Father Dole shot one last glance of curiosity towards the main entrance door. Then, the altar door shut, and the entire church was finally enveloped in its own tranquilizing inner darkness.
**
There was a small creek that ran through the town. Adjacent to the creek was a path. Father Devine usually enjoyed the refreshing walk in the early morning. The gravel crunched satisfactorily under his feet, and that morning the air palpated with a calm crispness. Even the birds joined in, singing and chirping as they fluttered through the soft green trees. The creek rumbled pleasantly alongside Father Devine as he walked and thought simultaneously. He mused over the late night visitor, but due to his character, he soon forgot and began to make his way back to town.
The town was growing, and even a few cars could be seen parked under certain houses. But the houses remained old and weary. Long and scrawny beams sustained the secondary floors of the dwellings, under whose shade cowered strong and large wooden doors. As Father Devine walked through the town, he observed his surroundings. The terrain was completely flat, and beyond the immediacy of the town there were vast spaces of healthy green fields among which coiled a solitary cart-ridged path.
Father Devine continued on his way back to the church, which stood detached from the town by a short walk. In a house, there was a forlorn rocking chair, balancing on a miniscule porch. Open windows in the unborn day, dark shadows, and cobwebs covered the faces of the homes. There were red-tiled roofs and otherwise austere balconies bearing dozens of vivid flowers.
Despite the years, Devine hadn’t lost his excellent vision. He managed to side-step the empty bottle that landed at his feet and shattered into infinitesimal pieces. From the window that it had emerged as if shot putted, followed shouting and angry voices. Devine, understanding perfectly what the discussion was about, hurried through and was long gone before Old Mick stormed out and slammed the door behind him, cursing.
**
Father Devine waited, bored, in the confession box for the next confessant. He’d had his share of old ones, confessing to a drop of sherry, or a glass of brandy. In Devine’s opinion, a drop of sherry had never done any wrong to anybody, and he occasionally indulged in the equal treatment himself.
The confessional door slid open. A young man came in and sat down, closing the door behind him. He seemed gentle-faced and sorry. Devine turned towards him interestedly.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” he said, genuinely.
“What sins have you committed, son?” asked Devine.
“Well, father,” he said, somewhat reluctantly, “I have a girl.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” replied Devine, knowing where this would lead, but hoping it wouldn’t.
“Father,” he said, pausing before giving vent to his emotions, “I had carnal intercourse with a girl.” Devine sighed.
“When did this occur?” he asked gravely.
“It was more than two months ago, father.” he said reticently.
“How old are you, son?” said Devine, resting his hands on his belly.
“Eighteen, father. She’s two years older than me; she seemed so sure of what she was doing, and at ease. She said that it was normal for two young people. I was just taken in by her confidence.” he said.
“Was that the only thing you were taken in by?” asked Devine roughly. There was silence on the other side of the window, and Devine could feel him blushing. Then Devine’s tone became compassionate again.
“What else happened?” he asked encouragingly.
“Well, after that, I felt so ashamed, that I kept away from her. When she saw that I fled her, she was angry. Whenever we crossed, she flashed me looks of intense hatred. I was scared of her. Anne doesn’t like to be ignored, and she made me feel it in her eyes. But she kept quiet about everything, so I thought I was safe. Then a few months later, she showed up at my house, looking very sour. She told me it wasn’t her pleasure to see me again, but that she felt that I should know that she was pregnant. I was so shocked, I couldn’t find my speech until after she left.”
“I see. Well, what would your father say to the marriage?” asked Devine.
“He would go livid, father, he would go absolutely mad. He’s up to his neck in debt, and only so that he could pay for my education. I’m leaving for the university this year, and my father has already made all the payments. So you see, I can’t, father, I can’t marry Anne.” he said
Devine sat in silence.
“Father,” he said, “There’s a fellow who’s keen on Anne, and he said he wouldn’t mind the kid not being his own. He said he’d be glad to marry her. Besides, she hates me. She won’t even talk to me. I can’t marry a woman who won’t talk to me.” he pleaded.
“What is it that you hate about this girl so much?” questioned Devine.
“Why, I don’t, father. I really don’t. She’s a fine girl; in fact, she’s a wonder of a girl, even though she gets temperamental at times. But what would my father say? He’d lose all the money he sent to the university. His last chance to see his son make a good life for himself, gone.”
“And what would you prefer?” said Devine.
“I don’t know, father. I wouldn’t mind marrying Anne, but I’d like to go to the university. If I marry Anne, its impossible I ever go. It would be hard enough to take care of her, our child, and to help unburden my father.”
Again, Devine turned the matter over in his head.
“What should I do, father?” asked the confessant.
Skip to Chapter 2
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
Last edited by D-Lotus on Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:20 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Key
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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An interesting premise for a storygame, having the decision point be what to say to a confessor. I tip my hat to you, D! 
As for this DP, as Father Devine, I would tell the boy that apart from his carnal sin, he has treated the woman shamefully by refusing to see her. His penance must be to seek her out and ask for her forgiveness.
And as difficult as it may be, he must also be honest and open with his family, and tell them what he has done. The boy has a tendency to avoid his problems and deny his own responsiblity for his actions. Father Devine should tell him that God is always with him, and he has nothing to fear from speaking the truth and facing up to his problems.
"Yes, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..."
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Key. I was hoping more people would take a look at this, however. I guess its because of low site traffic. I'm going to try and advertise in the IFQuirer and see if that works. I'm unsure if this story will be popular enough to stand on its own.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting DP D, and good idea for a SGame!
Well, I have to echo what Key says. Come clean. He has a duty to go to school too, as his father has invested money into it. Surely others would agree.
Oh, and 200 hail mary's! Self flagelation with a thorny whip too.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | Interesting DP D, and good idea for a SGame!
Well, I have to echo what Key says. Come clean. He has a duty to go to school too, as his father has invested money into it. Surely others would agree.
Oh, and 200 hail mary's! Self flagelation with a thorny whip too. |
You mention here to come clean, as key did. However, if he comes clean, the result would be either to marry the girl, and NOT go to school (this has a higher percentile), or to go to school. But either could happen if he comes clean, so its not sure, china, that he will go to school.
I'm going to submit the story to the process of acceptance into the normal forums. Maybe more people will check it out (especially with the IFQuirer).
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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saxon215
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| Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 3:21 am Post subject: |
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wow, stunning, i like it the idea seems great.
I did notice a couple of erorrs however, i'm nbot quite sure if efulgence is a word, i'vve heard similar words that could have been a spelling or it could be a real world i dont know about.
also the cguy confessed and said he did her a month ago BUT he said then a few months later she showed up at my door
looking like a whore
sorry that just rhymed but yeah a little inconsistency i noticed
sounds great cant read to wait more
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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Effulgence: Radiant splendor.
Thanks for the time mistake, sax. I corrected it.
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saxon215
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:00 am Post subject: |
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| HAH for once i found a mistake someone ELSE has made, now the tables have turned
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:12 am Post subject: |
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 , Well I suggest like the others he tells his dad (assuming his dad won't literally bury an axe into his head) then has a long talk with Anne over the matter...does Anne like this other lad remotely...more than him...? If Anne wants to make up with him and get back together then his hands are tied as result of the consequences of his actions, if not then head to Uni.
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saxon215
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:57 am Post subject: |
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| u guys gotta rem,emebr what it was liek back then sex and pregnancy out of wedlock meant expulsion from society
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:59 am Post subject: |
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| True, so you'd assume his father would keepit quiet, and that he'd either try and marry Anne or get the other guy to amrry Anne asap before talk starts.
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saxon215
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:21 am Post subject: |
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but the other guy the chick doesent like or isent into so she would be forced to go with him just to protect herself from public outcry and people cant be expected to get married that quickly, especially back then, before signs of her pregnancy come through
yeah but lordy its a preists job to protect the woman as well as the man
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:50 am Post subject: |
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| Wellit isn't an isealchoice but it was never going to be...either she marries one of the two quickly and at least dampens down the public outcry or lives with as a single mother. If she chooses the latter then she and the young man will just have to bear with the consequences...if she chooses the latter the young man probably should still support her although if she was the instigator earlier as he claims and she turns down an offer of marriage now he can hardly be blamed for then heading to Uni.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the comments, guys. And remember, you're deciding from the priest's point of view! 
Anyway, hopefully the story will get moved up soon, if approved by the rigid council. Keep the idea's flowing and I'll post a poll by friday.
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saxon215
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:08 pm Post subject: |
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*thwacks bob*
is there a chance she can go soemwhere to have the baby and leave it as an orphan?
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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Sure!
I'll post a poll tomorrow, write a chapter, and hopefully inaugurate my installment in the normal forum with it.
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| Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:29 am Post subject: |
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*pokes D and points to where the poll should be*
just a gentle reminder.
Yes i'm impatient.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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Well, poll should be up as soon as the moderator puts it up, so vote!
Poll's Up!
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| Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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*looks for D's poll*
i think maybe i just cant see it
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| Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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| voted
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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I've passed the test, I'm going to be promoted...yay!
Well, so far only three votes, but I guess it'll do for now. I'll leave the poll on for any late comers, and have the chapter up by friday or whenever I get any free time from schoolwork.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:01 am Post subject: |
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Hey,
Solid start Dani - as always.
Couple of uses of 'lighted' that I'm not sure about - the first I think should be "lit", and the second I think sounds better as something different like 'burning'.
| Quote: | | The dimly lighted room began to fade from Devine’s view |
| Quote: | | He grabbed a lighted oil lamp |
I've voted for asking the girl what she want.
Happy Writing
EDIT:
Welcome to Fantasy 
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Last edited by Smee on Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:13 am Post subject: |
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| good on ya D nice work, cant wait to see the new chapter
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks everyone! I hope to be familiar with the Fantasy forum once more, its been a while. Well, I'm closing the poll tomorrow, which makes it a 6-day poll (I consider this is enough for everyone to vote). New chapter will be posted soon, so keep your eyes wide open! 
Ah, by the way- I corrected what you pointed out Smee.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:02 am Post subject: |
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Good DP, D-Lotus. Too bad I'm late for the vote. I would have gone for the "Suck it up and face it like a man" option (or whichever is closest to that sentiment). Especially where my interest is in uplifting the community, I would press him to marry. We'll just have an ostracized woman with a neglected baby if the young man leaves for college. Plus there's a good chance the man won't return from college. He'll go on to bigger and better things, forgetting those he left behind, maybe even getting more women pregnant on the way.
Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter too. It's too bad we don't have a name, say even a nickname, to refer to the young man. I would like to see a story develop from a stationary point instead of always wondering and having an idea who we're trying to help might be beneficial.... The father should get to know his flock better so he can recognize voices.
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