 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
Wow.
Exactly one month.
and I get ONE reply.
Is Phan my only reader?
*would be putting up a poll if he had more than one suggestion*
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 12:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
This was a fast paced chapter, and some amusing passages. The dialogue was sometimes a little hard to follow, though, perhaps add a few tags and describe some of the voices as you go, particularly when he first gets the earpiece.
For the DP I was going to suggest sending a scout, but Phan got there first, so I'd say attack now.
I think because there is such a lot of text to catch up with to start with, it may be useful to come up with a synopsis to add to the beginning of your latest chapter. This may help to bring new readers on board. 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
YAY
another reader!
Thanks for the comments Cfrog.
I'll be working on a summary.
But it might be a while, cuz school is starting and i may need to wait a while to get adjusted.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well, Here's the summary. I'm hoping this'll attract more readers.
Prologue
We find out about our protagonist, a teenager named Gabriel much like everyone else, except for the fact that he has wings. Yup. Wings. Big fluffy white things. The ones that birds use. Except bigger. And on a person. Anyway, we also learn about his past, about his parents using him as a personal pot of gold, about how televangelists cried his name and talk show hosts asked him questions. We also learn about how his parents haggled over him like he was a coffee table, or an SUV when the divorce came. So then he runs away and roams the streets, flying under cover of cloud and fog.
Part I In which I almost wet myself
We rejoin our protagonist three years later, at fifteen as he continues to roam the streets, doing odd jobs for money and hiding his wings. The search for him has ended. Suddenly, during one of his odd jobs, he sees what appears to be a Werewolf. This is the part where he almost wets his pants. Fighting the werewolf is a woman. After a brief scuffle, he either hits his head on the ground, gets a rock dropped on his head by a stray pigeon, or faints.
Part II I have rabies.
We rejoin our protagonist as he awakes in an unfamiliar room. Next to him is an unfamiliar man. After a brief conversation, the woman from the fight enters the room. At this point, Gabriel learns that he is adopted (which, if you think about it, would seem fairly obvious). After a barrage of questions, we learn several things about our current location. The room is the Headquarters of the BPDR, the Bureau of Paranormal Detection and Response, the man’s name is John Doe, the woman’s Falba Laranthos, Gabriel is an Aphen (a nearly extinct species termed Homo Avien), and that the Werewolf thing is known as a Lyken. We also learn that Gabriel had rabies. Which is slightly besides the point. Gabriel then realizes he’s naked, and gets some clothes.
Part III (I forgot to name this part.)
We rejoin our now partially-clothed protagonist as he leaves the infirmary to go and meet the team. We meet another member of the BPDR, a girl named Sarah, or as she likes to be called, Inferno. We then explore more of the building, and meet the rest of the team, Joshua, Marcus, and Suzie. We also find that Gabriel’s new room has a balcony, off which he immediately jumps. He then flies around a bit, contemplating his situation, then returns to the building to find that everyone but Joshua has left. After a brief and somewhat enlightening conversation, in which we find that the Bureau’s purpose is to save the world from “demons and aliens and stuff”, the team returns. A subsequent conversation with Falba reveals much more about the purpose of the Bureau and the nature of the universe. MUCH more. Too much to write here. So just go and read that part. Then an alarm sounds, sending the team scurrying around, and Gabriel gets roped into going on a mission. For his defense, he gets an emergency spell that looks very much like a gun. Then they’re off. (Also, I use the word susurration. YAY!)
Part IV I disappear in a vortex of swirling light.
We rejoin our protagonist at the end of his teleportation, after which he feels like crap. When he does recover enough to view his surroundings, he finds that there are trees growing from the ceiling. Or the sky. Or whatever. He also finds three aliens talking to the other members of his group. It turns out that they are members of a different section of the BPDR and they join forces to track down the threat that called them here. It turns out to be some kinda turtle thingy. After a long and arduous battle (mostly consisting of Gabriel running away and the big turtle thingy chasing him) the monster is defeated and we find out that Gabriel can teleport (a.k.a. disappear in a vortex of swirling light). He also manages to save the lives of both Falba and Marcus. He then attempts to teleport back to the base. However, he ends up in Suzie’s room, then soon after, in the infirmary. We then find out about Suzie, an Aphirus who feeds on life. We also find out that Falba is a vampire, and that Gabriel can sense magical energy. Then Gabriel has a nightmare, and we fade to black (metaphorically. I coulda just said that we just end the chapter here, but that sounded cooler. Oh shoot, I ruined it didn’t I?)
Part V In which I almost become a roasted Chicken
We rejoin our protagonist after his nightmare, and he discovers that he has the power to make things out of light. He even makes a cool sword and sheath. We also find the Palaestra, the training ground for the team. Gabriel has his limits tested, then spars against Sarah. (This is the part with the roasted Chicken.) He wins, then gets congratulated. After another bad dream, he wakes up to another alarm siren. All seven of the team go this time, and they arrive in a world full of glass buildings. Among which a Two-headed Godzilla thingy rampages. So yeah. Not so fun.
Part VI Matrix Reference Time
We rejoin our protagonist just as he manages not to become a red colored goo. After some healing, somehow, the team manages to LOSE the giant two-headed king lizard. It turns out that it dissolved into little (in comparison) dudes with swords. After much fighting, they kill them all and return to base. There, Gabe learns about some of the major bad guys, then answers the door to find a very injured Alien. The alien begs for help, telling of a major disaster, the destruction of one of the Bureau’s Bases.
Well, there's all that has happened so far. I'd LOVE it if you went back and read all the wonderful stuff i wrote, but if you really must, you could just be content with this summary.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm putting up a poll, in the hopes that it will inspire new readers.
Well here we go.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
RandomMN
Visitor
Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Topics: 0
Posts: 5
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:58 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hi Dead Man,
You have a pretty solid story here. Sure there might be some technique issues but you seem to be enjoying yourself in writing it and that can make a huge difference to a reader.
I do wonder why they could not send a scout AND contact the other bases for assistance though. Send a scout team (which should include Gabe since he can fly and maybe get a birds eye peek) while John reaches out for help.
One other thought, if Gabe's wings can protect him from the Zill's fire, why couldn't it protect him against Sarah's? I'm sure you have a ready explanation, but it's one I think I would enjoy reading rather than just having the answer given to me
And totally possible that I missed something
Keep it up!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
YAY
always good to have another reader.
And yes, I am enjoying myself immensely, thank you.
also, if the vote currently stays tied as it is, i may be forced to combine options.
And about the Zilla Fire, yes i do have a perfectly ready explanation. But i may forget, or may not be able to, work it into the story satisfactorily. So if you really have a burning desire to know, just tell me and i'll tell you.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 6:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
And the poll is closed!
Our hero and his compatriots will be sending a panic call to all the annans nearest them, in hopes of getting aid to avenge there fallen companions.
Come back next episode, when we finally find out the secret about... someone.
If i told you who it was about, you might guess, and then it wouldn't be much of a secret, would it?
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 2:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Here's the Next Chapter. Sorry it took so long. I've been a bit short on Idearium lately.
Part VII Preparations
Falba and John burst into the infirmary, followed closely by Marcus and the others. I move away from the bed, as John moves towards Nakin, his hands glowing and his eyes changing into a kaleidoscope of color. Nakin starts to say something, but his eyes close and his breathing slows as he drops into a deep sleep.
John speaks without looking up, his hands still moving purposefully around Nakin’s body, as wounds scab and heal visibly.
“I put him into an emergency healing coma. It means he’ll probably survive, but also that he can’t tell us what happens until he does heal. Did he say anything about what happened to you?”
I hesitated for a second.
“He said something about BladeBound. Maybe even one of the Riders. He said they took the base.”
John looks up sharply, and I hear Suzie gasp.
“A Rider? As in one of the Four? But they haven’t fought in the frontlines since… haven’t fought in the frontlines in decades! Are you sure he said that?”
“Yes. He also says he thinks we should attack immediately, while they aren’t expecting it.”
Falba snorts.
“Nakin’s always been reckless. Even we can’t take down one of the Riders. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to have to call in some major reinforcements.”
Josh cocks his head, staring into space. I get the impression that his body is an empty shell.
Falba turns back to John.
“How long do you think he’ll need for healing? We need to know what we’re walking into here.”
“I could get him going in a couple hours, but he won’t be fully healed. If I had a couple days, I could get this done, but Nakin does have a point. The longer we wait before we attack, the more time whoever took the base will have to recuperate.”
Josh comes back, his eyes widening in alarm.
“Shit! There’s something big going down. Every single base I can contact is under some kind of attack. Not all BladeBound. No one has anyone they can spare. But most of them aren’t anything as bad as what happened to Nakin.”
John and Falba exchange glances.
“I thought we had more time.”
John sighs. “We were on borrowed time already. We knew they’d have to get back at us some day.”
I look over at Sarah, who looks as bewildered as I feel.
I notice that Suzie, Josh, and Marcus just look apprehensive now, with perhaps a bit of resignation.
Falba catches our confused looks.
“A couple decades back, we managed to become one of the only groups to… thwart one of the Riders themselves. That’s why, right now, they’ve only got three Riders instead of the usual four. Or that’s as far as we know. Ever since, we’ve been attacked more than the other groups, under constant siege of creatures and dimension walkers. The Riders of the End want revenge. And this, I guess, is just the latest move in their game.”
Sarah speaks up.
“But we’re the only ones not attacked. If they really wanted revenge, wouldn’t it make more sense to attack us instead of everyone else?”
Suzie explains.
“Almost all the attacks are just big enough to keep anyone from coming to help. The attack on Nakin’s base is the only real attack. It’s a trap. They know we’ll have to come help, and now they’re the ones with the base. If they attacked us here, in our home territory, we might even be able to stop them again. But by forcing us to attack them, we lose that advantage.”
Marcus speaks, an uncharacteristic growl in his voice.
“I think the question is, which of the Riders is it? If it is a trap, one of them will be there. Maybe even more than one.”
Falba replies,
“It could be anybody. We can probably take Wrath if we have to. Maybe Temptation. But if Hunger finally comes out….”
John wipes his hands, his eyes ending their kaleidoscope of colors and settling on red and purple.
“Hunger hasn’t left his realm in centuries. He’s the only one of them that really doesn’t care about revenge. If there is one of the Riders there, it’ll be Temptation or Wrath. Or maybe a new fourth member. We’ll have to be prepared for anything.
“I’ve done all I can for Nakin. But he still needs a couple hours of rest. You six get ready. This’ll be a long fight.”
The seven of us left the room.
I lag behind, so I don’t see where everyone goes. I do manage to see Sarah.
I run up next to her.
“Hi.”
She glances at me, but keeps walking without saying anything.
We walk in silence for a while, mainly me following her.
“So where are you going?”
“My weapons.”
“Oh.”
We enter what looks like an armory.
Suzie and Joshua are already in there.
The armory is very clearly separated into four parts. The corner to the right and farthest form the door is filled with racks and racks of guns, high-powered rifles, shotguns, even a rocket launcher on the end. I see Suzie roaming this part of the room. The other corner, on the far side of the room, is indescribable. Futuristic looking equipment fills the side, along with a workbench at which Joshua worked. His arm is open, split along a large seam from which complex-looking wires protruded. The part of the room to my right is filled with more medieval weaponry, everything from daggers to battle-axes.
The fourth corner of the room, which Sarah immediately heads for, filled with polearms.
I wander around the medieval quarter, inspecting swords and spears for a bit, before walking back over to Sarah.
I duck as she spins a spear over her head.
“Why are there only four sections here if there’s seven of us?”
She racks the spear and picks out a polearm with a weird shaped head, like a sideways S made from curving hooks. She tested the balance before answering absentmindedly.
“Only some of us use weapons. Marcus uses his claws. You can materialize weapons. By the way, tell me, what do you think of this weapon?”
She holds up the S-bladed pole.
“Looks kinda useless. So that corner with all the swords and knives is Falba’s?”
“It is kinda. I don’t even know why I have it.”
She puts it back on the shelf, before pulling out a polearm with two blades, both shaped like a the a small trident, except that the outer arms curved backwards.
“Actually, that corner is John’s. Falba uses the sword and that’s pretty much it. She does all the maintenance in her rooms.”
“John’s?”
“Yeah. He has a surprising amount of sharp things for someone who won’t use magic to attack people. Do you think I should put on armor for this one?”
“I dunno. Are you any good with armor? So all that is John’s?”
“I’m ok. It slows me down a bit, but it’ll probably help against the BladeBounds. Yeah, it is.”
A deep bass voice rumbles next to my ear.
“Freeze punk.”
I half-turn, just enough so that I catch sight of what looks like the barrel of a very large cannon pointing at my face.
I duck instinctively, only to hear Josh laughing.
The cannon breaks up, sections of it folding back into itself until it becomes his hand, which flexes for a second as the last hint of glinting metal slides back into place.
“I love doing that. It gets the newbies every time.”
Sarah slides past me fluidly, one of the hooks on her polearm catching Josh’s ankle then pulling forward, causing him to fall backwards.
“It gets old.”
Josh gets up, brushing off imaginary dust.
Sarah turns back to her weapon selection.
Josh brushes some more imaginary dust off.
Sarah continues to ignore him.
Josh gives up whatever it was he was trying to do and walks over to where she examines the weapons.
“We’re going against the BladeBound elite. Most of your ordinary weaponry isn’t going to do much. You might want to use the weapon I gave you when you first joined.”
Sarah, Josh, and I turn to see John standing behind us.
Sarah hesitates, before reaching under one of the shelves. She pulls out an inlaid chest, with flames running around the sides.
Inside the chest is a piece of wood.
It’s dark, and carved with intricate designs over every inch. It feels like power gathers around it, causing a humming sound it seem only I hear.
Sarah takes it out and the moment her hand touches the wood, the carvings light with fire. Blades of flame grow from each end, flickering and rippling like a snake’s tongue.
She shifts a finger and the flames roar to higher heights, becoming almost a pillar of flame.
“Hey! Be careful with that thing! Remember, on the other side of this wall is a lot of things that really, really should not be close to fire.”
“Sorry Suzie.”
Sarah shifts another finger, and the fire vanishes. She tucks the wooden shaft away in a pocket.
Meanwhile, John wanders back into his own section of the room, testing the balance of various knives and swords. As I watch, he puts all the weapons away, and reaches into the corner of the room to pick up….
It’s a sword in a scabbard, the sheath made of what looks like red scales. The guard is a sinuously curving dragon, and the hilt is wrapped in black leather. It ends with a claw, clutching an uncut hunk of obsidian.
John places it on a table, running a hand along the sheath.
Then, with a sigh, his hand grasps the hilt and the blade slides out from its scabbard silently. The blade shines with a reddish glow, the blood groove in the middle a dark scarlet. As it shines, I start to sense what feel like nodes of energy inside the sword, shifting constantly.
John holds it up before him. Then, slowly at first, the blade starts to move in a serpentine pattern, always flowing, moving faster and faster until John seems to have a red aura, a fog of scarlet steel surrounding him instead of a simple sword. Then, as suddenly as he began, the sword returns to its sheath and John is searching for a belt.
“I haven’t seen that sword before.”
I turn to see Suzie watching John as well.
Josh starts to say something, but stops.
John finds a belt and straps the scabbard to his side. Then he looks up.
“It’s almost time to go. We had better gather in the mission room.”
Sarah straps on a last bit of armor, and starts for the door. Josh and Suzie follow, and John and I are in the back.
On the way, Falba joins us, the hilt of her sword sticking over her right shoulder. At her waist is a brown pouch. I sense nodes of energy in there, shaped differently from the ones in John’s sword.
Falba joins us at the end of our miniature procession. She stops for a second, after seeing John’s sword and her shocked eyes rise to meet his. Their gazes stay locked for a second, then the astonishment vanishes and acceptance comes.
Meanwhile, I’m wondering what the heck this sword is.
We arrive at the room with the huge table. Marcus is already there, his yellow eyes staring off into space. As we enter, his eyes look up at us ferally, before they revert back to brown. Nakin is also there, in the back, a lizardlike claw gripping his double-handled sword.
John goes to the head of the table.
He hesitates, before starting to speak.
“I have never been a person for giving inspirational speeches. I see too much of life for that. Too many bad things happen to too many good people. The Riders are one of those things that cause the injustices of life. They are the reason the Bureau was created. Today, we will be fighting in the hopes of avenging fallen comrades. We will be fighting one of the Riders. Each of them holds the powers of countless suns at their command. It is not likely that all of us will survive. But we must fight, because if we don’t, we are as bad as those who commit the atrocities we prevent.”
He pauses again, as if wondering what else to say.
Nakin speaks up, a growl in his voice.
“Let’s get on with it! Every second we use here is a second we could use fighting.”
John nods to Nakin.
“Fine. If everyone will put in their earpieces…. And we will be going in three… two… one.”
The colors of the world blend together, swirling, as I go through excruciating pain for a third time.
I open my eyes to a world that looks exactly like Earth. We stand in a hilly region, grass rustling in a chill wind. In one of the hills I see a small entrance, hugging the side as if ashamed to be noticed. Even as I stand, figures in black rush to meet us from all directions, their hands growing to become blades. They are BladeBound, but different then the ones we fought before. Where the others had had faces like voids, these had human faces, except for their eyes. Their eyes were holes in their faces, an eternal void.
I see Falba pull a hypodermic needle from a pocket, filled with red liquid. With a wince, she injects it into her skin, and fangs grow from her mouth. Her eyes become black, and her hands start to move with inhuman speed. I can barely see them as she opens her pouch and plucks out a green gemstone. She attaches it to the end of her sword, still in its sheath, and walks toward a group of rushing BladeBound. Then I get distracted as several close on me. I duck the flailing arm of one, my sword seeking the throat of another. Behind it, I see a BladeBound consumed by flames, and another with half of its chest blown away. I jump into the air, wings flapping, and watch as several BladeBound grow wings as well and follow me. As I dodge their aerial attacks, I see Falba standing in the middle of a field of white blood, small black pieces littering the ground around her. Her sword is still in her sheath and she is spotless.
What just happened?
Even as I watch, another BladeBound jumps at her. She doesn’t move, and her blade doesn’t leave it sheath, but before the BladeBound reaches its target, it is sliced in two, then quarters, then eighths, until its remains join the sea of blood around it.
I block a bladed arm then materialize a golden needle, which whizzes into the void-like eye of the wielder. Its head snaps back and its arms return to normal, as its wings melt away and it falls to the ground.
I create similar needles of light, which whiz through the air drilling through flying BladeBound.
I duck as a BladeBound dives at me, spinning around to kick it at a group of waiting needles.
This gives lets me see the rest of the group.
Marcus is fully wolf now, ripping apart BladeBound with his claws, his fur stained white as it was in the last battle.
Suzie has her left glove off, her right glove holding a shotgun. She grabs one BladeBound’s face, somersaulting over to blow away the arm of another behind it. The first shrivels up, then becomes dust.
Josh is now twelve feet tall, encased in what looks like armor, firing rockets and lasers in every direction.
Behind him Sarah runs, every wave of her hand resulting in another burning body, her weapon cutting through bladed arms as if they don’t exist.
Nakin fights with animalistic ferocity, ducking and weaving, blocking blades with his like a quarterstaff, slitting throats in passing, even once using a claw to rip off a black leg.
John however, fights in his own sea of blood, the sword a red fog vaporizing any BladeBound foolish enough to come near him.
And as suddenly as the fight begins, it is over, the last black figure a broken burning mess.
We gather, panting.
Nakin speaks, “I know a secret way into the Base. But if we do use it, it won’t be able to fit everyone. Three at most. This door is most likely booby-trapped. I could ferry us in through the passage two at a time.”
Falba speaks as well, her eyes still black and her voice raspy.
“And if they know of the passage? Then we’ll have three of us stuck inside without any chance of outside help. If we know there’s a trap, let’s spring it. We can handle BladeBound.”
John pauses, before replying, his voice hesitant.
“But we can’t handle the BladeBound and one of the Riders. We may have to go with Nakin’s suggestion. Or we may split up.”
Falba turns to John, and nods.
And that's our chapter.
The DP is how to split up the forces.
Comments, Suggestions, etc. are welcome.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Adalia
Citizen
Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Topics: 2
Posts: 196
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
Impressive chapter. I liked the flow.
DP: I'll say Josh and Sarah, Suzie and Marcus, Falba and Nakin, John and Gabe. Because we're seeing this story from Gabe's POV, I thought he should go with John and get more information, such as how they beat the fourth Rider. The others were more random, just to throw something out there. I'd hate to see this SG die from inactivity.
_________________
All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Head Eater
Resident
Joined: 20 May 2007
Topics: 1
Posts: 62
Location: Hovering above your sssssskull
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 6:23 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thisss ssstorygame is worthy of the Foresssst of Fantasssy.
Congratulationsssss!
_________________
Heads.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Phantomfan
Citizen
Joined: 01 May 2008
Topics: 7
Posts: 309
Location: Deep within the music of the night
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 7:05 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yay!
Congratulations, dmw! That's- what, the second story promoted in the span of something like 2 weeks. Awesomeness!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 5:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
YAY!
now I'm three for three!
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Just one suggestion on the DP?
Thanks Adalia for your suggestion.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 5:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Since i only got one suggestion, i guess I'll be using it.
However, I've been having a bit of writer's block, interesting selective in that it will allow me to write everything except what's actually going on.
Here is an interlude while i attempt to write.
This event happens at the same time as our current story.
A ruby red moccasin presses down on the man’s chest, and a melodious voice asks again,
“What exactly was the point of that attack? Why are the Riders attacking now?”
The man coughs, gives the woman the finger.
The red moccasin presses harder, and the melodious voice grows threatening.
“Would you like to know how I got these shoes this color? I dyed it with the blood of piss-ants like you who wouldn’t answer questions. Do you get what I’m saying?”
She is a striking woman, red hair and blue eyes. She wears a long flowing dress, which changes colors constantly, patches of colors flowing back and forth. Beside her stand three companions.
To her right, a being clothed in night. A beaked face pokes out from a hunched dark mass, and those beady black eyes exude intelligence that inspires the kind of terror an arachnophobe would have if a big hairy spider plopped down on their lap. Crows perch on its shoulders, eyes glittering with the same intellect of the being they use as their perch.
To her left stands a mass of metal, a suit of armor carrying a large axe. Its armor gleams even in the dim light of the twilight air, and it hefts the axe expertly. Yet its stance shows a certain gentleness, at odds with its fearsome appearance.
At her feet crouches a beastman, humanoid, but with a lion’s head and claws. Its mane gleams golden, and it wears only a loincloth. It’s focused on the man, teeth bared and claws extended, defiance and courage shining in its eyes.
Behind the four, stand three others, a man in a green cloak, a girl, blonde and blue-eyed, wearing a dress similar to the woman’s, and an aging dwarf, white hair curling over overlarge ears.
The dwarf binds a bandage over a cut on the girl’s arm.
The man on the ground’s eyes flicker to the three figures surrounding his captor.
The woman laughs.
“I guess we haven’t been introduced? My name is Dorotea, and these three are my allies. They are completely devoted to me for what I give them, mind, heart, and nerves.”
The man blinks, then starts to giggle, a high pitched laughter at odds with his broad body, as his eyes start to glow red.
Dorotea steps back, surprised, as the man starts to laugh longer. Each laugh seems to curiously deflate him, and black smoke issues from his mouth. The laughs become coughs, deep and wracking, and the smoke become a stream of black vapor, which hangs in the air momentarily.
Then it streams towards Dorotea’s face, streaming in her mouth and nose before any of the seven can react, and she falls to the ground.
The metal man steps forward immediately, supporting her and pulling her to her feet, and the lionman joins him in his concern.
But the black thing, the crowperch, stays back, as a niggling suspicion crawls around its mind.
Dorotea’s eyes snap open, and where she had green eyes before, they are now a uniform red.
The crowperch shouts for the two to get away, but before they can the woman taps those ruby slippers together and disappears.
She reappears behind the lion with a green glow on her fingers and touches his arm.
Where living flesh meets that green glow, it simply melts away.
The lion roars and jumps away, but turns, unafraid.
The metal man steps between the lion and the red-eyed sorceress as she hurls a green bolt, shielding his companion as the green bolt bounces harmlessly off his unliving chest.
The black mass dissolves into a multitude of crows, a black crowd which swirls around the sorceress blinding her.
She hurls green bolts which melt crows as they hit.
The blonde girl takes out a card from a hidden deck, which becomes a curious weapon, a stave about three feet long with another foot of blade on each end.
She starts forward towards the fray, but is kicked back by the lion.
The armored man speakes, voice hollow and tinny but nevertheless showing the compassion and sorrow many living creatures do not possess.
“Stay back, Alyss. It has to be us three who do this. And if you get too close, you might be hurt again, and I’m not sure my heart could bear that.”
Alyss watches helplessly besides the dwarf and the man in green, both of whom have sorrow in their eyes.
“You can’t do anything at all?”
The man in green replies. “There’s too many of them. I wouldn’t be able to get all of them out, and if I did it incompletely, it would be worse than if I stood here doing nothing at all.”
The armored man advances through the crows, the lion behind, stray green bolts deflecting off his metal skin, axe raised as he stands before the sorceress.
But he hesitates, unable to strike, and the thing with the red eyes laughs shrilly and hurls more green bolts randomly into the crowd of crows.
The lion growls, “Just do it, or I’ll have to do it myself.”
The metal man raises his axe again, lowers it, speaks with that tinny voice. “I cannot, friend lion. I cannot.”
The lion roars and charges around his friend, unafraid, to meet a green bolt with his shoulder.
He roars in pain, piercing the heart of his metal friend with emphatic needles,
The armored man drops the axe and wraps his arms around the sorceress, who kicks and hits his hollow metal shell.
“Please stop,” he says, his voice pained. “You’ll hurt yourself on my skin.”
But the red eyed creature continues.
The remaining crows flock together, to form the black thing again. But its aura of terror is gone, and it is smaller than it was, and it breathes labouredly.
“You know you need to, Tin Man. She would want it that way.”
“I can’t help it Scarecrow. This heart won’t let me.”
The Scarecrow chuckles, “I find I agree with you, old friend. My brain tells me I must, but this heart has been mine for much longer, and I’ve grown used to listening to it. What about you, Lion?”
It limps towards the three, and looks at the laughing red-eyes.
“I find that despite the courage I’ve found, I fear she will be angry with me in the end. I can’t.”
Alyss steps forward, drawing out another card, which transforms to become a beautifully crafted sword.
“Well if no one else can, I guess I’ll have to.”
She walks in front of her friend, readies the sword.
She remembers a time, not that long ago, when something too similar happened.
Her lips quirk up in a sad smile, and she mutters.
“Off with her head.”
The sword swings back, then starts forward.
The red-eyed thing starts to laugh a high-pitched laugh.
The dwarf, with his sharp eyes, is the first to notice the black vapor.
“Mistress Alyss! Watch out!”
Alyss turns her head towards her mentor a mere second before the haze becomes a stream, flowing through the air towards her face. Most of the fog flows through her air, but a small stream of smoke finds her nose and her mouth, and she starts to choke.
The sorceress with the red slippers, now curiously deflated, slips from the immobile armor’s fingers.
The lion paws at her remains, whimpering and whining. The man of tin stands stock still, frozen in place. And the scarecrow becomes a whirling flock of crows, no longer with the glittering intelligence in their eyes, which scatters to the winds.
The man in green jumps forward, a flute appearing in his fingers, and he begins to play, a stirring, tempting melody. The whirling stream that missed Alyss’s face drifts gently towards him, almost dreamlike.
Beyond them, a thin wisp of black smoke curls out from Alyss’s mouth, and her breathing resumes, if shallowly. Her eyes remain closed.
The thin wisp races to join up with the larger cloud.
The piper walks slowly away from the dwarf, who runs towards Alyss with a curious hopping gait.
The cloud separates itself into individual wisps, which encircle the flute player. Each grows into a smoky wraith, drifting in the wind.
The Piper pauses in his playing, takes a deep breath, and the wraiths grow agitated, whispers breaking out as the wraiths start to move faster and faster, encircling the piper in a dome of darkness, which grows smaller and smalle-
A jarring chord sounds, a discordant noise that stops the wraiths in their tracks. They mill about, before starting again to whirl, before the piper ca-
The chord again echoes out, louder this time, and the wraiths grow disturbed, shrinking slightly smaller, before the chord echoes a third time, and the wraiths are shredded by an invisible wave. They float, little wisps of grey smoke, before slowly dissolving into the eternal twilight.
The piper wipes his brow, then walks back to Alyss and the dwarf.
The dwarf cradles Alyss’s head in his lap, mumbling to himself, a curious light in his eyes.
The piper comes close enough to hear.
“I’m too late. Always too late.”
The Piper starts to speak, to tell the dwarf that he can help her, but the dwarf continues on, unheeding.
“I remember Alyss’s grandmother. I loved her like my own, but I never had the time. There was always something I had to do, but there were so many things I wanted to do with her. I was too late for her too.
“Then there was Little Red. Why did she have to go against the Riders? Wrath tore her apart. And I was too late for her.
“And now it’s Alyss. Why am I always so late? So very very late.”
As he speaks, his voice gains a growl, and ears start to grow. His fingernails begin to become claws, and fur begins to grow.
The piper fumbles quickly for his flute, playing a soothing melody hastily.
The dwarf calms, and returns to normal.
He feels Alyss’s ragged pulse again, and tears creep to his eyes.
“I don’t know why I keep doing this. Maybe I should just… go off somewhere. Somewhere nice, and calm. And just, not come back. Life’s too sad now Piper.”
The piper speaks in his musical voice. “If you left, Jill’s little heart would be broken. Jack’s would be too, even if he wouldn’t admit it. They’d miss their grandpa.”
The dwarf wipes his spectacles with a finger, and smiles. “They would, wouldn’t they.”
He picks up Alyss, showing strength bigger than his diminutive stature.
The piper walks over to where the four had fallen, and stands over the remains of Dorotea.
He reaches out to the lion, still pawing at its mistress’s remains sadly, but it flinches away and he leaves it alone after that.
He picks up a black feather, left by one of the crows, and drops it on her body, beside the lion and in front of the immobile armor.
He retrieves her ruby slippers, which become red boots.
He places them under his arm, then starts to play.
A flickering melody fills the air, full of longing and sadness and parting, but also the happiness that comes from knowing that eventually, every parting means you’ll meet again.
What’s left of three of the four burns, the tin man standing thereafter in remembrance of the fallen.
The piper returns to the waiting dwarf, looking at the boots he holds in his hand.
“It doesn’t seem right taking these. They were always Dorotea’s. I think they were meant for her.”
The dwarf chuckles. “Well if you’d rather walk home, then go ahead.”
The piper removes his own well worn boots and replaces them with the scarlet ones.
As he does, the dwarf speaks slowly.
“Please don’t let me be too late this time. I can’t be late again.”
The piper looks up. “You won’t be,” he promises his friend.
The dwarf nods, checks Alyss’s pulse again, then waits for his friend to lace up his boots so they can go home.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Phantomfan
Citizen
Joined: 01 May 2008
Topics: 7
Posts: 309
Location: Deep within the music of the night
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 6:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Nice... that was really good.
Introduced a whole bunch of new characters and ideas- and it had convoluted fairy tales.
I loved it!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead
Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Due to some problems with inspiration and schoolwork, I think i'll be putting this on hold, along with Into the Fray. Apologies to my Three very devoted readers.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
