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Mephistopheles
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 Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 3:41 am Post subject: |
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I have to agree with lily. Take the book and seek refuge somewhere far away. Learn all that he can, then attempt to avenge his lost friends.
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If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
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Crossfire
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| Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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Why would they know where he lives?
If they can track him by the book, no matter where he is, isn't he going to have to spend the near-entirety of his time on the run, with little left to read the mysterious tome and learn its secrets?
So, a question!
Why doesn't he go home, spend a short while resting up, getting provisions and learning a couple offensive spells before he goes off gallivanting into the countryside instead of rushing away completely unprepared?
The zombies and their leader are going to need time to regroup, and that time would be better spent planning out where he should go and how he is going to survive for the next few days than running blindly into the distance!
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Last edited by Crossfire on Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Syranore
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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Poll is closing at the end of the week, so get your vote in!
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Directive Chapter 2 -Complete
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 4- Darkness Within
Tyraneous thought about going back to his parents, but decided that he couldn’t risk losing the book. The book....maybe it held secrets that he could use against this beast. Yes, I’ll fight fire with fire. I don’t care what I have to do, as long as that monster suffers. I can only imagine what it would be like to rip the life from him, and for him to see his end coming, and know that I was the cause, Tyraneous thought, letting out a maniacal chuckle.
Tyraneous walked through the forest, his mind taking in every detail. When he found a clearing, he sat down with the book again, and looking in the second half of the book, which was technical info, became immersed in his new art. The agonizing hours passed, and Tyraneous’ mind absorbed the new information eagerly. Finally, after three grueling hours of straight reading, he was ready to try his first minor spell. Searching the area, he found a glistening spider-web among the foliage. Carefully picking the spider out of it’s home, he quickly snuffed it’s life with a small burst of dragon-fire. He set the charred remains of the spider on top of the book, and began channeling his energy. The spider’s corpse was soon surrounded with an eerie black glow, and Tyraneous saw the spider’s leg twitch.
When the spider’s body started to move again, Tyraneous was controlling it. Pleased with his work, he allowed himself a smile, which turned into a chuckle, and soon uncontrollable laughter, laced with grief and hate, echoed through the forest. Tears flowed freely down his face as the mirthless laughs escaped his lips, and his vision blurred. Tyraneous sank to his knees, and cried and laughed until he finally fell into the darkness of sleep.
---
Tyraneous dreamed. He dreamed of a dark forest, a cold, unforgiving place of sorrow and mourning, and of death. Tyraneous ran through the forest, the harsh moonlight barely reaching through the trees to offer guidance to the weary traveler racing under the canopy. Tyraneous didn’t know why he ran, only that he should, and that something terrible was on it’s way.
Tyraneous stumbled out of the forest, and into an all-too-familiar looking clearing, next to a lake whose black waters seemed to suck the light into itself, like a greedy predator devouring his catch. The clouds raced unnaturally fast across the crimson sky, like drops of blood pouring from a wound. Tyraneous ceased his mad dash, and under the light given off by the ominous moon, beheld three figures, each holding a dagger in their hand.
Tyranous gasped in fear and shock when he beheld the first figure, whose short, stocky figure was unmistakable. Thorin turned toward Tyraneous, and raised the dagger, speaking maliciously. “I was your best friend. I would have gladly given anything for you, everything for you, and I did. But you could have saved me, if you had payed more attention, instead of being so absorbed in yourself. You have been blind, and you have killed me.” Thorin then plunged the dagger into his heart, falling to the ground as his lifeblood exited his body, and his lips let forth breath no more.
The second figure was a slim, coldly beautiful elf, whose haunting eyes seemed to bore right through Tyraneous. “I cared about you, Tyraneous. I wanted nothing more than your happiness. I would have stuck with you through anything, but you left me. You abandoned me, left me to die, to become one of the abominations you now try to create. You didn’t try to save me, you ran. You have killed me through your cowardice.” The cold steel plunged through the warm flesh easily, and Gladria fell backward to stir no more.
The third figure’s muscular form was accented by the large wings protruding from his back. This dark reflection of Tyraneous turned toward the stunned half-dragon, his malicious smile widening, and his eyes overflowing with hatred. “You had it all. You had loyal friends, good parents, an attractive form. You could have recovered from this. You could have moved on. You could have simply dropped the book, and tried to save what you had left, but no, you had to have your vengeance. Well, foolish wyrmling, you spill some blood alright, but you might be surprised that it is your own.” After speaking, the projection of Tyraneous started to twist and change, and soon, Tyraneous was staring at a lich. The lich raised the dagger, and hurled the unforgiving blade at Tyraneous.
---
Tyraneous jerked awake, shaking the cold sweat that covered him off of his face. In front of him, the spider laid, once more inanimate. Tyraneous stared at the spider for a moment, and it began to move again. Anger filled Tyranous once more, and he crushed the arachnid with his fist. It was then that he heard a low-pitched growl. Looking up, the half-dragon spotted an old wolf, separated from it’s pack. Tyraneous stared at the wolf with a murderer’ eyes, and a grin more wolfish than the canine in front of him crossed his face.
Tyraneous found himself walking through the woods a few minutes later, the wolf haltingly trailing after him. Suddenly, he heard a twig snap, and he sent the wolf ahead to see what it is. Meanwhile, he cautiously advanced forward, listening for any movement.
This was to no avail, for he stepped into a skillfully hidden loop of rope, and found himself hanging upside-down from a gnarled old oak by the ankle. Snarling in anger, Tyraneous used the small talons on his wingtips to sever the rope, and thumped into the ground. Angrily swiping at the dirt on his clothes as he got up, Tyraneous found himself looking down the barrel of a hunting rifle. Tyraneous groaned in frustration. “You...have got...to be joking.” His world went black as the butt of the rifle collided with his skull.
Tyraneous awoke with a splitting headache. Observing his surroundings, he found himself in a small camp, a fire crackling fiercely in the center. Two tents were set up on the other side of the camp, securely fastened to the ground by wooden stakes. From the tent to the left, Tyraneous could hear voices. When he tried to readjust, Tyraneous was shocked to realize that he was bound by steel chains. Tyraneous struggled, causing the chains to rattle loudly. A female voice interrupted his efforts. “You won’t escape, so don’t bother. We had to use chains so that you wouldn’t ruin another rope, like you did the last one. Don’t worry, we’ll let you go as soon as you explain to us why you were wandering through our woods, right, Gawain?”
Another voice sounded out in laughter before speaking. “Of course we will, my dearest Ravenna.”
Tyraneous rolled over, and saw a young woman, well muscled, but still pretty, her tanned skin betraying her outdoor lifestyle. The man looked to be in his early twenties, also well muscled, his black skin sporting many scars from his profession, and his pointed ears proclaimed him to be an African wood elf. The woman, on the other hand, seemed to be a human. They shared a loving glance at each other before Gawain began to speak. “We don’t get many travelers in these parts, and when we do, they are usually up to no good. So speak, and tell us what brings you here.”
Tyraneous thought for a minute, and said, “I seek a murderer. I am only traveling through these woods to get to him. He has taken several people very dear to me, and I must find him at all costs.”
Ravenna gasped, and began speaking sympathetically. “Oh! That’s horrible! I know, why don’t we help you through the woods? We can help you catch this monster, and bring him to justice.”
Tyraneous hesitated. “Um...I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I don’t know..I need to think about it.” Having some people along might help, but if they found out about the book....
DP-Should he let them join him?
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:50 am Post subject: |
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He should only let them lead him through the forest, not battle the mage. It's too risky for them to battle the mage, and they could be used against Tyra. I suggest Tyra does more practice before he goes off to battle the wizard.
As for the chappy itself, it seemed a bit rushed, and the scene where he mets the human and the elf could be a lot longer and more described. You can do much better than his, Syra. 
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Lilith
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| Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:55 am Post subject: |
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I like the addition of the hunters here, but Cy is right you could have described it more.. 
| Quote: |
Tyraneous dreamed. He dreamed of a dark forest, a cold, unforgiving place of sorrow and mourning, and of death. Tyraneous ran through the forest, the harsh moonlight barely reaching through the trees to offer guidance to the weary traveler racing under the canopy. Tyraneous didn’t know why he ran, only that he should, and that something terrible was on it’s way.
Tyraneous stumbled out of the forest, and into an all-too-familiar looking clearing, next to a lake whose black waters seemed to suck the light into itself, like a greedy predator devouring his catch. The clouds raced unnaturally fast across the crimson sky, like drops of blood pouring from a wound. Tyraneous ceased his mad dash, and under the light given off by the ominous moon, beheld three figures, each holding a dagger in their hand. |
Like here! Great description here! Now I think if you give it a re-read, you'll come up with something to put in with that hunter scene...
As for the DP, I'm going to have to disagree; he's told them about the mage, and they seem to be older than he, they could actually have experience with mages. I say tell them all (LEAVE OUT THE BOOK AND CONTROLLING THE DEAD THING!) and if they get killed, hey look! Undead bodyguards! 
Enjoy, 
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© 2007-2019 Lilith
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Syranore
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| Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:54 am Post subject: |
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The reason I didn't describe the hunters was because I was going to wait until it was decided if they were going to be staying, so I could write their behavior around it.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:28 am Post subject: |
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one thing that i like to do when i am writing is to lay down the bones of the chapter - write the stuff i want to put in...
then i walk away - comeback later and flesh it out... rinse and repeat.
dont rush your writing.. take the time to work throughit.
i can already see you style developing more as you progress.
If you need to run it by someone there are plenty of us that will help you out - myself included.
DP? um tell them but leave out the book... the book is to risky to talk about...
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| Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:16 pm Post subject: |
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| The chapter does indeed seemed rushed but I still enjoyed it. Tyra should be practicing more, he is next to nothing compared to the mage. Get ride of these people, they'll only become liabilities in the end. Either kill them or lose them. I wouldn't mind seeing our protagonist here descend into certain darkness.
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Syranore
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| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry I've been so spaced out in between chapters. I've been having RL issues, and some major writer's block. I'm going to run this poll for a week before writing the new chappy.
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Scheherazade
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| Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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| for the DP, I'd say try to lose them if at all possible. The longer they stay around, the more time they have to find the book and the more time he can't practice - something he needs to do, if he wants to take on the lich with anything more than a bunch of reanimated spiders.
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Syranore
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 2:04 pm Post subject: Twisted-5 |
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Laid to Unrest
Something inside Tyraneous clicked into place, and he stared at Ravenna and Gawain blankly for a moment, before a dark grin appeared on his gaunt face. Gawain shifted nervously, unnerved by the way Tyraneous’ disheveled appearance mixed with this predator’s smile. “You okay, man? You look a little…” Gawain trailed off, not sure how to describe Tyraneous’ almost demonic appearance.
Tyraneous laughed at this like a cat laughs at a mouse caught in its paws. “It’s okay. I would love it if you would…help me.” Tyraneous laughed again, causing the woodland couple to shiver in unison.
Ravenna frowned nervously for a moment before resuming her normal demeanor of cheerful professionalism. “Well, then…We’ll be glad to help you as far as we can. These woods extend for miles in all directions, and I doubt that anyone can fly that far without food or water. We’ll set out tomorrow, but tonight we can relax. You look like you haven’t eaten or bathed in a week.”
While Ravenna put some water on to boil, Gawain instructed Tyraneous to follow him. “There’s a stream with fresh water that runs through the forest near here. It’s the main reason we chose to camp here. It’s our main source of water in this part of the forest.”
Tyraneous followed Gawain through the dark foliage for a while until they came to the stream. Tyraneous’ thoughts dissolved into nothing as he stripped himself of his clothes, and embraced the frigid water. Using a brush that Gawain had left him, he scrubbed himself clean, washing the forest’s accumulative filth off of his emaciated form. As he waded out of the stream, he glimpsed his reflection, and pondered how much weight he had lost to his new craft’s demands, and to all of the stress he had been enduring. Shaking the thought out of his head, he proceeded to wash his clothing, which was even filthier than he was.
Dragging himself out of the stream, Tyraneous began to realize how tired he was. As he stumbled through the encroaching night back to the camp, the smell of food began to waft lazily to his nose, and his stomach was soon sending messages of protest against the abuse it had been through in the past two days. As Tyraneous wandered over to the pot that was suspended over the fireplace, Ravenna greeted him cheerfully. “Feeling any better now that you’re clean? I bet you do. You still look like you’ve been on a starvation diet, though. No problem there. My stew can put meat on any traveler’s bones. Here, come try some.”
As Ravenna poured the stew into a large wooden bowl, and presented it to Tyraneous with a spoon, Tyraneous nearly fell asleep on his feet, causing him to almost fall into the pot and fireplace. That coaxed laughter from the pair of hunters. Settling down on a worn, but sturdy-looking wooden seat, he attacked his soup fiercely, devouring three bowls before being satiated. Ravenna, who had never given her cooking to anyone besides herself and Gawain, was delighted at how well her food was received, and encouraged Tyraneous to eat as much as he wanted.
After everyone was done eating, they all sat around the fireplace contentedly for several minutes, until Ravenna stood up, and announced that she was going to sleep. As soon as Ravenna had entered the couple’s tent, and ceased to move, Gawain’s demeanor changed completely to that of fierce hostility. Distrust dripping from his voice, he addressed Tyraneous. “Listen, whoever you are. I don’t know what you want, or where you are going, but I will tell you that when I first spotted you while scouting ahead for danger, I saw a wolf traveling with you. Funny thing, though, this wolf had ribs showing. I’ll let you stay until we are out of the forest, simply so that your corpse doesn’t pollute the forest, but after that, if I ever see you again, I’ll shoot you on sight. If you even think about touching Ravenna, I’ll rip you limb from limb personally.”
As Gawain stalked over to the tent, Tyraneous sat, disconcerted, and stared blankly ahead, trying to sort out what had happened. Frowning, he took out his book to read. As he devoured knowledge not meant to be used, he gained an unusual focus on his task. He would have his revenge, but he wouldn’t be able to do it alone, he knew.
Gawain sat up in his tent, and glanced over to where the dying fire shone through the tent’s fabric. As he did, he saw a shadow pass by the tent. It was the shadow of a wolf. Outside, the fire died. Gawain frantically grabbed the pistol he had hidden beneath his pillow, and stumbled outside, half-dressed, but when he looked around the camp, he could only see Tyraneous, who was wearing an expression of half-amusement. With a venomous glare to the winged figure sitting by the fire, Gawain returned to the tent. Outside, Tyraneous was smiling as wolfishly as the figure as the figure padding up beside him.
---
Ravenna blinked groggily as the sun shined through the tent’s fabric. Looking beside her, she found that Gawain was not there. Assuming that he had already gone out to fetch some fresh water, she dressed herself and walked outside, where Tyraneous was sitting, heating up the remnant of the stew. Tyraneous poured her a bowl, and she gladly accepted. Tyraneous sat, stirring his soup idly with his spoon, but not eating. Ravenna glanced over to him. “Are you alright? You look like you didn’t sleep at all.”
Tyraneous looked at her, displaying darkness beneath his eyes. “Have you ever wondered just how far you’ll go to have justice?”
Taken aback by the sudden question, Ravenna struggled to re-gather her thoughts. “Well, if your cause is right, the way usually presents itself to you. That’s the way I’ve always thought of it.”
After hearing that, Tyraneous smiled coldly. “Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. You are a pretty nice person. I’m sorry about how things have worked out.”
“What do you-” Ravenna sudden clutched her chest, and toppled out of the chair she had sat down in. As she writhed on the ground in pain, screaming in agony, Tyraneous set his uneaten soup aside, and stood over her, chanting. When she finally stopped moving, Tyraneous finished his spell. Ravenna’s eyes snapped open. “W-what h-h-happened?”
“Tyraneous laughed. “You died, and I have brought you back. You are mine, now.” Tyraneous then gave her instructions of what to do on Gawain’s return. Ravenna the ghoul had no choice but to comply.
---
When Gawain returned shortly afterward, carrying two buckets of water from the stream, he was greeted by the ghastly sight of the campsite ransacked. As he surveyed the camp, he stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Ravenna lying lifelessly by the ashes of the fire. He rushed over to her, dropping to his knees. “No, no...Ravenna, speak to me! Don’t be gone, please! Ravenna, breathe, my love, breathe!” Collapsing on top of her, Gawain sobbed, swearing death and pain on Tyraneous. Drawing himself up again, he embraced Ravenna for one last kiss. “My love, I will avenge you, I swear. I’ll kill the monster who did this.” As his lips touched hers, her eyes opened, letting a single tear escape as the poison spewed from her mouth into Gawain’s. Once more, Gawain collapsed, and Tyraneous was standing over him, chanting.
When Gawain’s convulsing body was still, Tyraneous smiled. “Wake up, Gawain. Death has not done you and your love part.” Gawain sat up, and Tyraneous explained how he had trapped both Ravenna and Gawain in their bodies after killing them, and how they were bound to serve him until he released them. Tyraneous let out another laugh. “Now tell me, my good friends, what is the fastest way out of this forest and into civilization?”
When Gawain answered, his voice sounded hoarse and broken. “There are…two ways. One is...following the stream. It is the easiest to keep track of. The other…is going straight through the forest…it is faster, but easier to get attacked or lose your way..”
Smiling maniacally, Tyraneous pondered his options…
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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Not bad there Snore. Two small things I think:
You use the characters names' quite a lot, which is fine, 'cos that's what they're called, but I think you need to try to use alterntives a little more, as at times it was a little repetitive. Only a little though.
| Quote: | ...Once more, Gawain collapsed, and Tyraneous was standing over him, chanting.
When Gawain’s convulsing body was still, Tyraneous smiled. |
I found this part confusing, as one second you're following Gawain's POV, and the next it seems to switch to Ty, only to swap back the next paragraph.
Anyway DP. Go safe, follow the stream!
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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The forest I say... use the newly undead's forest knowledge to your advantage.. DUH! 
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 1
When the zombie pods drop, i think there should be Ty seeing zomies tearing apart other patrons at the steakhouse. THEN, amidst of all the questions the other friends are asking, Ty should decide to break out.
I think you should go over this chapter, i can see your writing develop a lot since this one just by the two chapters succeeding.
Chapter 2
4th section
1st paragraph
| Sear wrote: | | as dragons are naturally supernatural |
maybe replace this with "inherently" or some other word besides a word that contains 'natural' in it.
4th paragraph
| Sear wrote: | | One day though, Tyraneous |
try this instead
| Sir wrote: | | One day, while Tyraneous |
Last paragraph or second to last
| Sear wrote: | | He started to cycle through his spells mentally |
great phrasing, i do this with my own decisions.
--------------------------------------------
I liked the switching of POV's, i guess since i'm all about film and seeing how Tyraneous would see it in his own mind, the story of Cairn, it didn't bother me at all. To me that is just like how people read and see mentally, i'm surprised others had a hard time with it.
Chapter 3
When Ty leaves Gladria, i almost didn't know it happened by the way it's written. He should look at her before he leaves or look back. Something that huge has to have more detail. Because even though it's a moment, it will replay as hours in both of those beings minds.
------------
Cairns story, there are two quotation marks missing
| Sear wrote: | | “No, they were just joking around. These are my friends! What did you do? Make them normal again.(here) She paused, waiting for Cairn to undo his spell. |
and
| Sear wrote: |
(here)What are you waiting for? Let them go and get lost, you little freak!” Her voice cut Cairn to the heart, |
------------
I'm catching up, still have the last two chapters to read, but i like it. I'll try to finish it today so i can post a DP reply.
But now, i have to go to the hardware store for some weekend projects 
Sincerely,
SirWaxaLot
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I liked the switching of POV's, i guess since i'm all about film |
Here I think is where film and story writing differ. It's generally accepted that changing POV 'randomly' in stories is a Bad Thing.
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Chinaren wrote: | | Quote: | | I liked the switching of POV's, i guess since i'm all about film |
Here I think is where film and story writing differ. It's generally accepted that changing POV 'randomly' in stories is a Bad Thing. |
I guess i didn't consider it "random" as it had motivation based on Ty reading the book.
I didn't mean it insulting or anything, i apologize if i came out that way. I was merely saying that i was surprised that so many found it confusing and that i generally "see" anything i read sort of like a film, that's all.
I would agree with you if it was in Ty's POV and then it suddenly switched to one of his friends. However, since it is still within his POV (I.E. Ty is imagining Cairn's story), i didn't see a problem with it.
Sincerely,
SirWaxaLot
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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No offence taken at all Waxy.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. (And I may be being a little 'purist' here, but it's only an example)
| Quote: | | As his lips touched hers, her eyes opened, letting a single tear escape as the poison spewed from her mouth into Gawain’s. Once more, Gawain collapsed, and Tyraneous was standing over him, chanting. |
This bit is from (just about) Gawain's POV. However, as I understand it, he loses conciousness. The next sentence therefore...
| Quote: | | When Gawain’s convulsing body was still, Tyraneous smiled. “Wake... |
cannot be from his POV, 'cos he's unconcious!! Perhaps something like...
Poison spewed into his mouth and the light faded as he slipped into unconciousness.
The next thing he was aware of was a voice, the voice of Tyraneous...
Okay, not award winning prose I know, but it makes my point I think.
Anyway, as I said, it's a little anal perhaps, and I've certainly read published books by recognised authors doing worse POV changes. The thing is, the one I'm thinking of had about 10 books out already, so maybe when you get to that stage, people don't care so much.
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sir wax
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, simple misunderstanding. I was referring to Chapter 2, i hadn't read 4 and 5 yet.
I may agree with you at that time.
Sincerely,
SirWaxaLot
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Sear,
Sorry it took me so long to catch up. I agree with China on POV on Chapter 5. When i have more time i'll try to show you how to avoid those things and i'll get some other small ones i noticed.
Sincerely,
SirWaxaLot
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| Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 9:42 am Post subject: |
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Started on chapter 6 today. I'm hoping to get it finished by the end of the week.
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| Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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i like this alot
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| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Very nice. As for the DP...I dunno.
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 6-A Walk Through the Forest
“The short route it is, then. I’m sure we are more than capable of handling any danger that could come our way”, Tyraneous said confidently. Secretly, though, Tyraneous was worried. Now that he had come of age, it wouldn’t be too long until his fire-breathing organs started operating to their full capacity. When that started to happen, he would need large amounts of food to ensure proper development, and he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to get that out here in the forest. That was why he had chosen the short route.
They covered a lot of distance the first day. Having Ravenna and Gawain around proved to be an advantage, because they were not only experts at navigating the forest, they were also skilled hunters and survivalists, or at least, as good at surviving as you can be when you are undead. Being ghouls though, they weren’t fully undead, and as such still had the capacity for thought, and the need to sustain their bodies. Tyraneous controlled them, but as long as they didn’t disobey Tyraneous, they could control themselves to an extent, making sure that Tyraneous had to give very detailed instructions when ordering them to do something, as well as when ensuring that they wouldn’t try to harm him. ‘Such is the price that you pay, when you get the higher quality servants…, Tyraneous thought solemnly.
When they stopped for the night, Ravenna prepared the deer that Gawain had caught as she would have had she been alive. Tyraneous ate ravenously, and consumed more than the other two put together. Announcing that he was making an early night of it, Tyraneous sealed himself in the tent, hoping that his two slaves wouldn’t hear his groaning as what seemed like a forest fire raged through his internal organs. Tossing and turning, he fell into a restless sleep.
The morning came, the orange dawn barely visible after being filtered through the tight canopy of trees. Tyraneous emerged from his tent, looking pale and tired, his eyes bloodshot, and his movements unsure. “Where is breakfast?” he said, his voice sounding hoarse and irritated. Gawain silently pointed to the pan sitting beside the campfire, where a large deer-meat and cheese omelet had been cooked. Tyraneous nodded thankfully, and devoured the golden brown omelet without further remark. When he was finished, he turned to Gawain. “Where is Ravenna?”
Gawain pointed in the direction of a nearby stream they had passed. “She’s bathing.” As if on cue, Ravenna appeared, her hair wet, looking a little less stressed. Tyraneous went to the stream and followed suit, washing all of the grime and sweat off of his lean, wasted body before emerging. Before returning to camp, Tyraneous examined his reflection in the crystal waters of the stream. Haunted eyes stared back, highlighted by the dark circles beneath his eyes. Looking at his once athletic body, and seeing it had become thin, almost emaciated, Tyraneous turned away, disturbed, and stalked his way back toward the campsite.
When they had packed up again, and started through the forest, Tyraneous relaxed again. As long as they kept moving, he felt more comfortable, for it brought them ever-closer to his revenge, and that was all that kept him from giving up all hope. As if reading his thoughts, Ravenna chose that moment to ask a very difficult question for Tyraneous. “So, after you get your revenge, what then?”
Tyraneous paused in his stride, stunned. He hadn’t ever thought about that. All he had been concentrating on was getting to his enemy and defeating him. “I don’t know. Right now, all I want to do is make sure that murderer pays for his crimes, no matter the cost.”
Ravenna sneered. “That’s rich, very believable, coming from my killer. Did it ever occur to you that you might become the very thing you sought to destroy?”
Once again, Tyraneous was rendered speechless. Desperately reeling for a response, he lashed out at her. “Silence! I don’t have time for all this senseless questioning. We need to keep moving.”
As they kept walking, Tyraneous thought he heard a grim laugh from Gawain, and he grimly increased his pace, summoning the wolf for some companionship that wouldn’t question him. But he knew that even the wolf only followed because it had no free will. Bitter and melancholy, Tyraneous maintained a sullen silence for several hours.
As the blood-red sun fell below the horizon, it’s crimson glare no longer visible through the dense canopy, Tyraneous announced once again that they were setting up camp for the night. After setting up the tents, Tyraneous wandered out of sight, and when he was sure that Ravenna and Gawain could not see him, he retched violently. When his stomach had emptied itself onto the ground, he staggered back to camp, ate his dinner silently, and fled to his tent, where he spent a restless night tossing and turning. When he finally fell into an uneasy sleep, he dreamt of death, and of his friends and family, standing around him, mocking him, challenging him to say that he truly was going down the right path.
“But Gladria, I’m trying to avenge you!” Tyraneous’ voice rang out in the twisted dream-world his mind had created.
The warped, decayed figure of what used to be his friend stood in front of him. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be dead. The lich isn’t my only killer. Do you truly wish to avenge me? Strike down my killer.” Tyraneous’ world melted before his eyes, and he looked upon his family.
His father, huge and intimidating, stepped forward. As he did, the flesh dripped off and the scales sloughed off of the once magnificent dragon. “You were my pride and joy, son. All of my hopes and dreams for my offspring were embodied in you. Athletic, socially gifted, not a bad brain either. What did you throw it away for? Revenge against a being you will probably have no chance of beating? You sacrificed your only remaining close friend. What kind of son is that? You can’t be my son. My son wouldn’t do that.”
As more phantasms slipped in and out of his troubled mind, Tyraneous groaned in his sleep. The battle raging in his head was cut short, however, when dawn broke, and light hit Tyraneous’ face. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes groggily. Stumbling out of the tent, Tyraneous squinted at the sun’s golden rays as they pierced the gloom. Wordlessly, he started to pack up the tent, the two ghouls joining in as well. As they stalked silently through the mid-morning light, anyone who might have been observing would have had a hard time telling who was alive and who was dead between them, and who was alive.
Finally, after several hours of trudging through the forest, Tyraneous noticed that the trees were beginning to get thinner in density. Tyraneous almost fainted with relief. The prospect of exiting this dreary forest was the most appealing thing he had thought of all day. Increasing in both spirits and stepping pace, he strode through the forest, muttering to himself things such as “Almost there…”, and “Just a little bit closer…”
As he burst through the final layer of trees, sunlight washed down upon him, and he could see a meadow in front of him. Further beyond that, he saw several indistinguishable grey shapes. “What…a city?”
Gawain nodded. “Yes. We used to go there occasionally for supplies, when times were lean. It’s only a day’s trek from here.
Tyraneous thought for a moment. Going into the city would present a risk, if anyone found out his intent and his methods. However, if he got to the city, he might be able to get something to alleviate the pain he was going through every day. But was it worth the risk of being discovered?
DP-Should the group enter the city, and if so, how do they disguise the fact that two of them are dead? Note-Gawain and Ravenna’s only characteristics that could arouse suspicion are the glazed appearance of their eyes, and the halting measure with which they walk. Decay only happens if they do not maintain their bodies, and wounds sustained will not heal without intense care.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:03 am Post subject: |
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woooooooo!
love it! let me reread it before i suggest any thing though
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:05 am Post subject: |
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go to the city but shroud the gouls in long flowing clothes
(or maybe he has some kinda illusion magic)
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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well he is not exactly proficient with his magic as of yet, as he has had practically no time to practice.
And he, in his emaciated state, would draw many eyes.
I think that he should send in the ghouls to get what he requires.
unless they bump into a necromancer inthe city who could detect their undead state.
hmmmmm...
can Necromancers steal each other's minions?
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:50 am Post subject: |
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probably, but necromancy's illegal so a necromancer would probably not draw attention to the fact he/she was one...
kill the ghoul he don't need them now, then eat their corpses to regain energy that solves two problems wit one rather grisly blow
he wont draw so much attention as he is less emaciated, he has more energy, and he won't have to worry about the ghouls anymore.
(yes i know thats three reasons)
it sound a bit nasty but if he was willing to take up necromancy and to kill two innocent rangers i don't think he would have any qualms about eating the occasional person he is after all a dragon chapy........
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:00 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | *thwacks a bob on Tipicio |
ummm what does that mean?
any way yes get rid of the ghouls
(by eating them)
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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The poll is up, and on time, too!
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:18 am Post subject: |
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yup kill em if he killed them once he would have no problem killing them again i reckon he is no longer a hero but more of an antihero
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Syranore
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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Poll is closed, and violence wins.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:30 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | As they stalked silently through the mid-morning light, anyone who might have been observing would have had a hard time telling who was alive and who was dead between them, and who was alive. |
The last bit, who was alive, you said it twice.
As for other stuff, I say you're getting better at it. I could clearly see what you were writing (and it's not because I cleaned my glasses lol) and the story is going at a steady pace. So far so good, and keep up the good work.
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:48 am Post subject: |
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i'm afraid that Twisted's chapter will be a little late again..a lot of stuff has been happening lately, and i've been having trouble with writing this, and i don't want to give out bad chapters.
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| What does he do with the ghouls? |
| Kill them. |
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75% |
[ 3 ] |
| Disguise them |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
| Leave them on their own |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Avoid the city altogether |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
| Who Voted: DeadManWalking, Lilith, Phantomfan, Tipico |
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worth. 
