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Chinaren
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 Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:28 pm Post subject: |
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hehe. It was
ni shi da ben dan.
Which means (literall translation) You are a big stupid egg!
They use it here to say 'stupid' but in a friendly way, if you see what I mean. 
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: |
Which means (literall translation) You are a big stupid egg!
They use it here to say 'stupid' but in a friendly way, if you see what I mean. |
Sure, in a friendly way! Well, at least I'm not a little stupid egg.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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Way to go, Lebby! I like Eve, wherever she came from!
I still don't think he'd be quite ready to take that apple yet though. I mean, he barely knows this broad, and she turns up and starts handing out the orders. What man's going to take that lying down when she hasn't even put out for him yet? 
Plus, god is GOD. You really don't want to put him in a bad mood. Look what he does even when he's in a good mood!
No, I think he'll try to find out a little bit more of what she knows, and try to educate her about the god HE knows. They'll both learn a lot, I should think 
And yeah - he's just got to get somewhere a bit nicer than that hole to hide away in. I'm sure there's lots of house-building projects he can get wrong 
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Damnedable women - say do you suppose we can rewrite history and live in the garden forever? Be happy and peaceful and...wait- that's my fluffy side coming through. Curse you Cryms!!
A big stupid egg huh - well, that's sort of like crying foul, in a way...
i mean, stupid people cry, and eggs come from fowl so...
I don't think Adam will want to eat an apple just yet - he's already experienced the power of the photographs and I suspect he'll be wary of getting on God's bad side.
As to were Eve came from - it could still be Adams rib, just Adam2 - it's not like he needed it anymore
and will there be an Eve2 i wonder...
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Stubby
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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LOL Great story! This is religeon the way it should be!
so, lets see. so far god has said...
Don't eat the apples
Wake up
Play with the snake
Stand in the rain
Meet the bear
Kiss the woman.
The ones we've tried, well, not so much on the success front there, and still we're saying we shouldn't eat the apples?
I'd say munch on an apple and then feed Eve to the bear - all the rest of the suggestions from on high seem to have been baaaad news so far!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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Hello Stubby, thanks for posting in my story first! I hope you like it here. I certainly dig it. (And I like your avatar by the way)
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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Great chapter... 
I think he should say no, and lay down some law on this know-it-all 'her'. Afterall he knows more about this God than anyone else, her hasn't even experienced lightning storm.
So what to do instead? ...
Maybe he could go explore the caves he saw during the storm - maybe consider using the cave as a new sleeping hole. Of course the bear is likely to have the same idea so I think he needs to experiement with traps.
But what to bait the trap with? Maybe bears like hurungouses?
Happy Writing
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION Poll |
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WHAT?! I still haven't posted a poll? Sorry about that, I thought I did. Well here it is...
BY THE WAY! I'm sneaking two decisions into one for this. All votes that start with "Don't Eat!" will be combined, and if they outnumber the "Eat" votes, then Adam doesn't eat an apple. And if he doesn't eat an apple, I pick the category that has the highest votes, and we go with that...
Got it?
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| Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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Voted. Much as I am tempted to eat, we could save that one until he his hungry. Plus I think his ignorance is funnier!
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 5:38 am Post subject: |
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Woo! My first storygame poll vote!
Voted. *grin*
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:35 am Post subject: |
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YAY for Stubby
I voted for move into the cave. He may have to kill the bear to achieve that but that's for him to figure out ...
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 11:17 am Post subject: |
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Great story. Let's not eat just yet, and instead make sure that we get into this cave dwelling before the bear takes up residence.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Five of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
Adam pushes through the bushes and foliage of the garden toward the forbidden tree, set on taking one of God's forbidden apples, when a rather hard thought occurs to him, and he stops.
"What?" Eve asks, expecting the bear to jump into sight any moment.
"We can't do this," he says.
"Do what? Get the apples? We already talked-"
"You don't know God!" Adam says frantically with crazed eyes. Eve looks a little scared. "You don't know what he's capable of! You haven't seen the 'Picture'! Or 'Lightning Storm'! And who do you think made that bear?!"
"Adam, calm down..."
"NO!"
"Adam!" she yells back, and he shies away, but he's still determined.
"I'm not taking you to the tree."
"Oh come on."
"Nope. Not until you've at least talked to God, and if you're lucky you never will. I'm going to hide you."
"You're what? Stop being such a caveman!"
"I thought you said I wasn't good enough to be a caveman! You called me a moleman!"
"I said I was sorry!"
"I don't care. I'm taking you to the hole in the big mound."
"... You mean a cave?"
Happily, Adam's response is more civilized than a caveman, but Eve can't help notice the similarity as he grabs her by the wrist and pulls her along. She doesn't resist since it's really indifferent to her which way they go. She's finding the whole situation to be rather entertaining, though she still doesn't know where she came from. Her best conclusion? Amnesia. Maybe she's in a coma right now, having a strange dream about the Garden of Eden, and of course Adam would be naked! ...
Anyway, if it's just a dream, what harm could there be in going to his cave?
When she sees the cave, she starts having doubts though. The black rocks at its mouth look like sharp teeth, and it's so dark inside, it seems to absorb the light from its surroundings too. Standing just outside of it, she feels a cold breath of air, accompanied by an eerie groan from within.
"Did you hear that?" she says behind Adam's shoulder.
"Hear what?" he says, looking up at God.
"No, in there!"
"I didn't hear anything. Hey, you wanted me to evolve! So let's evolve!" and he walks into the cold slippery darkness, ignoring the fear for exactly three steps. Then, in the cover of darkness, he let's his cowardice shine forth in all its glory, accessorized with wide darting eyes and slow trembling steps. Eve stays outside....
"Adam? ... What does it look like?"
"I'm still looking!" he calls back, trying to sound angry instead of scared. Eve squints trying to see inside, holding her breath to try to hear more.... It doesn't sound like he's in very far.
An orange glint catches Adam's eye and emboldens him enough to move forward and see the source. A torch... but of course, all Adam can tell is that it is the same as what happened to the tree during 'Lightning Storm'. He gets close to it, staring at it in fascination, feeling the warmth of it on his face and hands.
"Adam?" she calls in again. Adam ignores it, but he's pulled out of his reverie. Then he gets a great idea! If he carries the torch with him, he'll be able to see ahead of him! And Eve thought he was stupid!
He pulls the torch out of its sconce and continues into the cave, finding more torches along the way. Eve's call echo distantly as he approaches a door, or, as Adam would perceive it, a very strange looking dead end. He scratches his head a few times before looking at it closer, touching the hinges and the iron ring on the other side. He grips it and gives it a tug.
Smiling and feeling smarter every second, he opens the door and lifts his torch into the room beyond.
The first thing he sees is several huddled green things on the ground sleeping. There's a whole room of them... they all seem to be sleeping and making a big thing of it, with hundreds of snores. Then he sees a gleaming pile of shiny metal circles....
Good reason would deduce that stepping over smelly fanged green things to grab a handful of shiny things would be ridiculous, but Adam doesn't want to return empty handed either.
As he steps over, the smell gets in his nose and starts tickling his sinuses. He's never had this feeling before. He wonders where it's going. Suddenly it overwhelms him and he sneezes loudly, splattering a goblin (of course it's a goblin!) with a load of gooey snot. The echo alone would have awaken your average sleeping creature.
Well, they aren't average creatures, and they stay asleep, even the one who was blasted by mucous. Adam looks left and right, then shrugs and proceeds to the pretty pile. He kneels over the shiny gold coins, and slowly and gently picks a single gold coin up.
All snores in the cavern simultaneously cease.
Adam runs for the door as they all wake up and start grabbing, scraping and throwing small swords and axes! Adam fights them off with the torch, burning himself in the process till he throws it and keeps running. One goblin jumps onto his shoulder and starts punching him in the head repeatedly, but Adam has no time to stop and fight him off, so he runs with the goblin screaming and crawling and punching his head.
Adam comes screaming out of the cave the other goblins in close pursuit. Eve trips backward in shock. But the others stop suddenly before leaving the cave, and fight to get back in as the mob pushes forward.
Adam flails about madly, pulling at the screaming punching goblin who is now starting to smoke. It rears its head and shrieks as the smoke intensifies! He jumps off and runs for the cave, but falls to the ground, weak and in obvious pain as it crawls for the shade of the cave.
Adam growls, and grabs the goblin's legs, pulling him away from the cave, and crossing his arm as he watches the light burn him up. Finally, his whole body crumbles, his screams suddenly extinguish, and nothing but a pile of dust remains. Adam jumps up and down on the dusty pile, kicking it apart and causing a big cloud of goblin remains and breathing it in.
"Adam!" Eve yells. He looks at her, as he's covered in dust which starts cake onto his wounds. Suddenly he gets a little sheepish, almost ashamed. "Are you all right?"
Tears begin to flow into his eyes and his bottom lip quivers as he pouts. She starts feeling all motherly and feels sorry for the poor goblin slayer.
"Oh, it's all right, come here," she says, giving him a hug and patting his back. "What did you expect to get out of a creepy cave like that?"
"I got this," Adam says, and opens his hand with the gold coin.
"Oh, that's very pretty! You did good!"
"Do you want to have it?"
"... Thank you Adam, I would like to have it!" Eve says, scrutinizing it carefully and biting into to it. "Hey, it does leave teeth marks!"
"Really? Is it supposed to do that?"
"If it's real gold, yeah."
"It's real gold?"
"Yep, certainly is."
"Good! Hey I could probably get more!"
The gaggle of goblins protest his words, cursing with strange incomprehensible words. Adam jumps forward, laughing and taunting and shaking his butt in front of them.
"Adam, why don't you stay away from that cave?"
"What? They can't come out! Ha ha ha! Ugly stupid smelly... OW!" Adams says as a spiked club hits him in the head. "Hey, why don't you come out here and try that again! HA Ha ha ha!"
"Adam, will you please get away from that cave?"
"Ok, fine," he says, picking up the club and throwing it back.
Adam leaves in a good mood, though his cuts and scrapes hurt. Eve suggests they go to the 'river' to clean him up so they go back to the big blue wet thing, near a big waterfall. There, with a great deal of complaining, she washes the goblin dust off his wounds.
"You know, you don't look familiar at all," Eve says, spilling another handful of water on Adam's hair.
"We just met," Adam says.
"Yeah, but most people in dreams are people you know."
"What's dreams?"
"... Nevermind. We'll talk about it later. We still need to find a place to sleep before night."
"What's night?"
"Um... you know, when it gets dark?"
"You mean 'Lightning Storm'?"
"No... I mean when the sun," she says, pointing as if communicating to a child or someone who speaks another language, "goes down..." she finishes, dropping her hand like a sunset.
"... It goes down?"
"Of course it does! How long have you been here?"
"... I don't know."
"Well, you'll see what I mean. You know, this is a nice place. It's pretty as a picture, huh?"
"Picture!?"
"Sorry, I keep forgetting you don't know anything..."
"I know what pictures are!"
"... Ok...."
She lets the subject drop and starts looking around. The waterfall is very lovely, with white waters cascading down the rocks into a beautiful light blue pool of water, surrounded by tall green grasses, and more than a few nice flat rocks basking in the warm glow of the sun. The fruits are abundant here to, which is nothing special in Eden, apparently. Neither are pleasant little birds with sweet songs, or bright colored exotic birds with huge displays of feathers, or lovely beds of flowers with inviting smells. It is a lovely dream... and with so much stress in her life, she's glad if she is in a coma for while.... For now, she doesn't mind that she has no idea what she was supposedly stressed about, or that absolutely no memory of her past has occurred to her yet.
She straightens her tan sweater and brushes off her pants a bit, inexplicably thankful that she didn't wear nylons today, though she doesn't remember having a choice, or even getting dressed.
She decides to get a closer look at the waterfall and laughs when she looks behind it. A cave... just like a movie! A gentle blue light emanates from within, glowing from mushrooms of varied sizes. It's roomy too, she thinks as she walks farther in. There is a wide area with several branches off in different directions. Nearby, a small trickle of water pools on a shelf of rock about waist level. One of the branches is veiled with hanging moss, another climbs steeply, and a third descends.
The descending cavern becomes cold very quickly and has ice collecting on the walls and icicles formed all the way to the ground with little rivulets running down them. The branch ends with a chilly wall of ice.
The veiled branch is short, but dry, ending with a raised smooth surface that's slightly bowled, but it's hard to see because there aren't many mushrooms in this part of the cave.
The last cavern climbs straight to the top, where another lovely view awaits, with wide branched trees providing a canopy by the cliff edge where the waterfall flows.
All in all, a little too convenient, she thinks... but she's not about to complain!
The first thought that comes to her mind when she hears the screams, she says aloud:
"Oh no, I left Adam alone!"
And way down below her, she sees it! The bear! Adam splashes the water, backing away, until he gets a little too deep and drops into the pretty blue.
"Adam!" she yells, but he's barely able to lift his head every few seconds for a sputtering breath! She walks to the edge... it's probably not too high, and it's probably deep enough....
As she stands unsteadily at the edge, about to jump, she sees a figure riding on the bear! He dismounts and stands at the pools edge... he looks just like Adam!
The one in the water is still struggling, so she takes a breath jumps off the cliff over the pool. She drops swiftly, the pool rushing as she points downward. She sweeps her body upward as she plummets in the water, briefly hitting the rocks below. She pushes up and quickly finds Adam.
Adam doesn't stop fighting, but she gets him to the opposite bank.
Adam2 and Mr. Bear waste no time crossing (Adam2 relying heavily on Mr. Bear).
"He's a liar, don't believe anything he says!" Adam says gaspingly as Adam2, with mud on his face like war paint, and the bear approach. The bear has a peculiar look about him, as he turns his head and looks at Adam2.
"What are you talking about?" Adam2 says, but he still seems angry. "We're here to apologize, and welcome 'Her'."
"I'm very sorry for frightening you," says Mr. Bear in a gentle voice. Eve screams and jumps behind Adam.
"And we're here to help you," Adam2 says seriously, almost insistently.
"God sent me to protect you from a horrible evil," the bear says in a soothing voice.
"What?" Adam says incredulously. "What evil?"
"I can't be certain, but it will be coming soon," the bear says calmly. "And if you do not come with me, I'm afraid nothing will save you from it."
"This is ridiculous, are you hearing this guy, Adam2?"
"Don't call me Adam2 anymore! My name is Vygar now!"
"Look, I know we've had disagreements, but you can't just trust every bear that comes along and says 'A Great Evil is Coming!'" Adam says.
"Why not?" Vygar says angrily, pointing his stick at Adam.
"Please, be calm Vygar. It is natural for humans to distrust bears. I understand if you do not choose to join us, but for your own sake, I hope you will."
"No-Way!" Adam says stubbornly.
"Is this how you feel also, human woman?"
Adam gives Eve the puppy dog eyes, pleading wordlessly that she doesn't go, and this does seem a little far fetched.... 'Mr. Bear' awaits her response, and she has a feeling Adam will follow if she goes.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:31 pm; edited 5 times in total
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:27 pm Post subject: |
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Lol - you put Vygar in it? I wasn't expecting that.
Ask the bear more about the Great Evil that is coming, though there is a good chance she hes already guessed what it may be.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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Additional questions for Mr. Bear come to the same answers:
"I can't be sure what the Great Evil is, but I know it's coming and I have to bring you to safety. You'll have to trust me"
No details. He's asking for a leap of faith.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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*giggles* I love the goblin pic. Labyrinth?
Well, Adam is out of the loop on this one. It's all down to EVE.
It's a dream - and if her stress levels demand that she goes to ride a bear to bring herself out of a coma, then who is she to deny herself that treat?
Leap that leap of faith, and I'm sure Adam will come along too, muttering and grumbling all the way
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:16 am Post subject: |
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Excellent Lebs! Many chuckles!
Well, I don't know what Eve would do, probably go with A2, or Vinegar, or whatever his new name is. But the, who knows the minds of females eh? Certainly not me, that's for sure.
Remember, Adam gave her the shiny coin! He could bring that up in any disagreement. 
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 1:11 am Post subject: |
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Gobliiiins!
I loved the pretty as a picture quote too.
As for the decision - well, lets see, we've just had the pretty mushrooms and now we have a talking bear! I wouldn't trust a word he says. I say we go and look for this great weevil that he says is coming and hear his side of the story too. (Better take some mushrooms along so that he can talk as well)
Oh, and Chinaren, Vinegar ROFL! but I think you'll find his name is Viagra - which opens up a whole new set of worrying prospects.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:01 am Post subject: |
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I think she should look for another animal...there's a snake around her somewhere, and surely a zebra to ride around on (much better than a grizzled old bear). See if any of those critters have something to say. They might just stare back at you with dumb animal looks, but they're far less likely to eat you later.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:38 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Lebby
I recognise the goblin pic from somewhere - I'm thinking a film like Labyrinth, or NeverEndingStory.
Very entertaining.
Stubby: "Viagra" You'll be calling Storygame of the Month Scrotum next
I think we should ignore the warning, afterall God's gifts so far have been fairly evil - maybe his evil is good?
Happy Writing.
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Chinaren
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Sarah says, "I wish I did know what to say to make the goblins take you away."
Pointy nosed goblin says in the shadow, "'I wish the goblins would take you away right now!' that isn't so hard is it!?"
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Araex
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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First off: prod a mod to remove your poll!
Second: Great story! Hilariousness all round.
Thirdly: I agree with Stoat - and the point about God/evil/good is irrelevant, because 'Her' hasn't met God yet.
Fourthly: There isn't a fourth, except to say good story again!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Araex wrote: | | First off: prod a mod to remove your poll! |
I left it on for a day in case anyone wanted to see the stats. Anyway, I'm ready for the next poll... and I guess it's a good time to put it together!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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I want a second opinion. How about that trustworthy looking snake over there?
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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Oops!
For those who might have noted it, in the beginning of the last chapter, I called the Tree "the Tree of Life". It has come to my attention that the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is the one that Adam and Eve traditionally ate from and the Tree of Life was an entirely different tree.
I don't want to confuse anyone, so I changed the chapter....
Anyway, I guess I've waited long enough! I'm going to start writing the next chapter!
Everyone reading this has my gratitude. I value all of your comments, and that you give me the opportunity to write. I will try to keep this story as entertaining as I can, I just hope you realize I really do appreciate your involvement.
Lebrenth
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Voted for "Don't worry, Be Happy ". I'm still loving this by the way. But I look forward to seeing some more of God-that crazy nut.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Six of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
"I think we need a second opinion," Eve says decisively. She swims back over the pool without waiting for a response. The others follow as she tries to wring out some of the water from her sweater. The bear lopes alongside.
"There's another person here?" he says in his usual calm voice.
"Yeah, well there should be a snake in the tree," she says, just starting to realize that she still doesn't really know where that is.
"A snake? Are you sure you want to do that?" the bear says. Adam and Vygar look at each other in mutual uncertainty and look back up at the eye. It still hasn't moved, nor has the sun, Adam notices, but he doesn't know any different really so he just follows along until Eve stops and lets him lead the way.
Pushing through doesn't take too long. Adam keeps finding himself returning to the Tree and he's getting better at it each time. They only have one brief stop when Eve just walks off on her own for a while till Adam gets curious and impatient.
"What is she doing?" Vygar asks the bear.
"She's relieving herself," he says.
"... How?"
"You've done it... you know... it's when you... um.... You remember the little hole you dug?"
"Yeah..."
"Do you remember what you put in the hole?"
"... Oh.... But why does she walk off on her own?" Vygar asks with Adam listening intently.
"She ... that's just how females are."
"Oh."
"Well," Adam says, "she's taking too long!"
"Be patient, Adam," the bear says.
"What are you guys talking about?" Eve says accusingly.
"Nothing..."
"Did you remember to bury it?" Vygar says, trying to be helpful. Eve doesn't respond.
"This is just the sort of thing they never tell you about paradise," Eve grumbles, unknowingly displaying a large crinkled leaf sticking out of her pants. "Well? Are we going?"
Adam doesn't understand why she had to put a leaf in her pants, but he knows Eve is a lot smarter, so he doesn't bother questioning her. He feels a little bullied but he brings the group to the meadow.
"I think he's in there," Adam says, remembering the snake climbing the tree after it finally got off his face.
"... I'll wait for you here..." the bear says with a little less serenity than usual.
"Why? Don't you want to meet the snake?"
"...I'd... rather not..." the bear says, looking a little sick (though it's hard to read his face with all the fur on it; he might just be sleepy).
"All right, how about you Vygar?"
"If Bear is staying, I am staying!" he says sternly.
"... Adam?"
"Yeah sure, why not?" he says, hiding the fact that he's more afraid of being left alone with the other two than of the snake.
Adam and Eve enter the meadow side by side, and other than the fact that Eve is clothed, looking very much like a classic "Adam and Eve" picture. The Tree looks completely harmless. A nice straightforward apple tree and the apples are shiny and red. Eve stares up at them with a pleasant smile. They look positively delicious!
"You sure you don't want--"
"NO! Now let's just talk to the snake and get it over with."
"Snake!" Eve calls. "Snake?"
"Pardon me," a voice says from the ground behind them. The long green snake slithers between her feet unnervingly, then coils around the tree lazily.
"Are you the snake?" Eve asks. The snake stops and looks at her for a moment to emphasize how stupid her question was.
"What do you want?" the snake says in a bored voice.
"Hi, my name is Eve and this is Adam."
"What, you're here to get an apple already? Geez, I haven't even given you my pitch yet."
"Well, I think Adam should, but he says God will get mad."
"... Uh huh... Well knock yourselves out. It will make you smart... you'll be like God and stuff."
"Actually, we were kind of hoping you could tell us about 'The Great Evil.'"
"The Great Evil? Look, I'm just a snake, but I don't know anything about a Great Evil. These apples are completely harmless and without side effects."
"I'm not talking about the apples."
"Well you should be. Don't they look tasty? Huh? Aren't you curious what they taste like?"
"I know what apples taste like!" Eve says.
"I don't," Adam says.
"Let me handle this."
"But you're getting off the subject! We're here to ask about the dumb evil thing!"
"That's right, Adam, be a man," the snake says
"Hey!" Eve interjects.
"What? I just want him to stand up for himself!" the snake says defensively.
"You just leave him alone! He doesn't know about this place."
"I've been here longer than you," Adam says.
"Never mind that. Snake, do you know about the great evil or not?"
"I don't know anything about evil."
"What and you live in that tree?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, haven't you tried eating one of them?"
"I'm a carnivore! If you ate one of the apples you'd know that!"
"I do know that!"
"What's a carnivore?" Adam says.
"Adam, please, just don't say anything."
"Eat an apple, Adam," the snake says.
"Well that's fine with me. I was the one who suggested it in the first place," Eve says.
"She's using reverse psychology, Adam. Don't listen to her!" the snake says with increasing fervor.
"Reverse what? You don't want me to eat an apple?" Adam asks desperately confused.
"No, eat an apple!" the snake says vehemently.
"But that's what she told me to do! And you told me not to listen to her!"
"Just eat an apple already!" Eve and the Snake nearly yell in unison.
"Stop it! Give me a chance to think!"
"Uh oh," the snake says, slithering out of sight, deeper into the tree. The clouds swallow the sun, and a freezing gale sweeps the land, followed immediately by little flakes of white. The Eye becomes larger as it penetrates the clouds and the great booming voice returns to shake the land.
"Adam! Show yourself to me!" God calls. Adam blinks and Eve is behind the tree and deep in the trees beyond the meadow, 'Vygar' and the bear quiver in the shadows, leaving Adam in plain sight right in the middle of the garden.
"There you are! Bow down to me and tremble at my new miracle! Snow!"
"Would you cut that out already? You're hurting my ears!" Adam yells.
"Oh it's you," God says with disappointment. "Where's the other Adam?"
"He changed his name to Vygar."
"What!" God exclaims. "... Hey, that is kinda cool. Where is he?"
"He's hanging out with the bear."
"They're hanging out? They're supposed to be fighting!"
"Fighting? What do you mean?"
"Bears eat people and people hunt the bears and make clothes out of them!"
"Clothes? Well, what about the Great Evil and stuff?"
"Great Evil? I didn't make any great evil yet! Where are you getting this stuff?"
"The bear said--"
"The bear talks?! Where is he? I got to hear this."
"He's over there in the trees," Adam says... "You know, this snow is kind of cold."
"Yeah, it's supposed to be, stupid. Go make a bear coat if you don't like it. ... I can't see him... wait, let me use my lightning."
Adam dives behind the tree beside Eve and an intense flash rips through the snowy sky streaking toward a tall tree in the middle of an open field.... A field of electric currents course throughout the tree, illuminating it and making the apples glow like bright red Christmas lights. Adam's and Eve's hair stand on end and there's lights in their eyes and ringing in their ears, but they seem to be unharmed. Something slips and falls out of the tree with a thud, and the snake lies limply and lifelessly on the ground in front of the dazed humans.
"Whoahoho! Now that was cool! I gotta try that again! ... Aw man! It has to recharge... That's stupid."
"God, I think you killed the snake," Adam says, poking at the heap with a stick.
"I can make another one if I want to. Hey, what are you doing there anyway? You aren't trying to eat those apples are you?"
"No! It's just the snake and Eve that were trying--"
"Who's Eve? There's an Eve?"
"Yeah, you made her a while ago, remember?"
"A girl?! There's a girl in there?!"
"Well, yeah, but you--"
"No -- I -- Didn't!" God yells wrathfully. "Forget the bear! Where's the girl?"
"I don't know..." Adam says slowly slouching into a cowering ball.
"Yes you do! Tell me!"
"I got sick of her and told her to go away... I don't know where she is..."
"Well you better find her! ... I know who did this! Oh, she's going to pay for this! I'll be back, you just find that girl before she ruins everything!"
"Ok.... Could you stop the snow first? ... God? ..."
Adam shivers and chatters his teeth, staring up at the merciless Black Eye with a faint hope that he'll be nice for once and stop the terrible cold flakes. Slowly, Eve peaks out from under the tree and approaches Adam.
"... Thanks," she says.
"For what?"
"For protecting me from God. You're right, he is a jerk."
"I told you.... What are we going to do?"
"I don't know," she says glumly, already thinking it would make things a lot easier on Adam if she would just wake up already. With a small snap, a glowing apple falls from the tree and bounces off of Adam's head with a flicker, then rolls on the ground, still giving off a warm red light.
"... That apple... just fell..." Adam says with unusual profundity. Eve picks the apple up.
"It's warm!" she says, clasping it and pressing it against her cheek to make sure.
"... It was up there... then it fell..." Adam continues. "Something made it fall..."
"Adam, I think it's time," she says seriously, facing him and holding out the warm apple. Adam holds it in the air, then drops it.
"Ha! It fell again!"
Eve picks it up, "Adam, this is serious!" But Adam is preoccupied, picking things up and dropping them. He finds a small rock and a large rock and he holds them at about the same height with great anticipation. He lets go of them and they both hit the ground at the exact same time.
"Did you see that! That rock was heavier, but it fell just as fast!"
"Adam! There's no time for that!"
"I think this is important."
"I'm going to drop a rock on your head if you don't snap out of it! God will be back any minute!"
"Yeah, that's weird isn't it? Where does he go? I mean, his eye is still there...."
"Help!" Vygar screams, then more screams accompanied by a tremendous roar. Then for a few moments of silence, they wait. There is a sound... like dragging....
Adam quickly drops one last rock, then runs across the meadow into the forest.
"Adam, wait!" Eve calls, stopping before entering the dark trees, then abandoning safety and following after, joining Adam as he stands over a dark splattering of red, forming a trail that goes toward the mountains.
Adam stands for a moment in shivering thought, then says, "Where'd that walking bear coat go?"
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Mar 16, 2006 7:50 am; edited 3 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:05 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Lebs!! Took my mind off my terrible toothache for a while.
The bear went to a hole in the mountain, draggy Vinegar with him, by his leg. (God has 'fixed' the bear?)
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:19 am Post subject: |
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My suspicions too Chinaren.
A couple of quick typo's Lebby :
| Quote: | | Yeah, well there should a snake in the tree," she says |
| Quote: | | Adam runs dives behind the tree beside Eve |
Some very funny parts - particularly like the rock dropping
If he's going after the 'fixed' bear then lets hope he advances to very hard rock throwing soon. Maybe even advancing to sharp pointy thing throwing but that's probably too advanced.
Get above the cave, and when the bear comes out make a rock fall on his head.
God is sounding more and more like a kid, and EVE sounds suspiciously like the input of a sibling rival.
I'm sure all will be revealed though, after more fun of course.
Happy Writing
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Stubby
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:28 am Post subject: |
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Anoteher good chapter *grin*
Loved the newtonian physics lesson
I think Smee may have nailed it with this being a kid messing around, though (clever sod)
I'd say eat the apple (still)
Keep up the good work!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 8:07 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the typos, Smee! I hate mistakes like I hate mosquitos and I really hate mosquitos.... I fixed them and a few more I found along the way, hurray!
Sorry to hear about your toothache, Chinaren! Do they have dentists in China or are you going to have to find a heavy rock and an ice skate?
(Thanks for the input everybody! I'll have the poll up soon)
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 10:25 am Post subject: |
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Excellent chapter as usual Lebs.
I like the 'school project' idea. We'll just have to see if that's what's going on
For now, I think rock-dropping is a good option - and when's Eve going to show him some of her hot stuff? I mean fire of course
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Sorry to hear about your toothache, Chinaren! Do they have dentists in China or are you going to have to find a heavy rock and an ice skate? |
They do have dentists. Once I get my PC back up and running I will post a picture of one, and show you why I don't go to them!
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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| 12 year old God? |
| There's no choice, beg for the antidote |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Lay down and die before giving him the satisfaction |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Tell God where to stick it |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Remind God of the money he's wasting |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Laugh at God's pitiful attempt at creation |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Conscientiously Object to this poll :) |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, ethereal_fauna, LordoftheNight, Muaddib, Shady Stoat, Smee |
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