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ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted
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Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Another hilarious chapter. Eve has clothes. If she looks warm enough just strip them off of her. Bound to be easier than dropping a rock on the head of a bear. Make her kill and skin the damn thing. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:17 pm Post subject: Poll for EVE OF DESTRUCTION |
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This notice has been sent to you to inform you there will be a temporary disconnection of electricity, gas, water, and air in your neighborhood. Starting March 19th, all of these utilities need to be intermitted to install the next EVE OF DESTRUCTION poll. Please use the time you have left to prepare for the disconnection by throwing away all perishable foods, buying lots of blankets, making a water storage, and doing lots of extra breathing to help carry you through the next week.
Thank You,
The Department of Officials Who Don't Care About People _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
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ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted
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Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:36 am Post subject: |
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Get in touch with your feminine side... _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Muaddib Comrade
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Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 9:18 am Post subject: |
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Excellent Lebrenth.
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Seven of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
"Calm down Adam," Eve says. "I think we need to find shelter quick. If this snow lasts, we might freeze."
"It sure is cold," Adam says with greedy eyes staring at Eve's warm sweater (that's ever so soft!).
"We should get back to the cave," Eve says obliviously. Her attention keeps switching back to the trees, as phantasms of large bears keep appearing and disappearing. She slowly walks off with Adam trailing here with covetous thoughts running through his head. And the colder it gets, the more he thinks about it.
At first it's thoughts of waiting till she's asleep to steal it, but as his teeth chatter, he thinks a nice sleepstick would work better. His whole body trembles with each cold breath of wind. His fingers go more numb and his feet feel like ice blocks. He shuffles through the thickening layer of snow, Eve still uptight, pushing ahead and looking around for the bear.
"Come on Adam!"
Adam finds a big thick sleepstick that will get the job done in one swift blow. He can hardly bring himself to consider hitting her at all, but it will be better if it's fast. Maybe he can even say someone else did it... Yeah, he could say God dropped it on her head! He grabs it with numb fingers that can hardly grip and drags it with him. And tries to catch up with Eve.
Being so heavy, he doesn't catch up with her right away. In fact it isn't until she stops and sits on a rock to tie her shoes that he can get to her. Slowly, he creeps forward, the branch dragging loudly with him. She proceeds to re-tie her other shoe as Adam groans to lift the branch over his head. He looks down on her... he just can't!
"Adam?" she says, then looks behind her and up at him.
"Hi."
"What are you doing?" she says innocently.
"Nothing," he says, still struggling to keep the branch aloft. "Um, could I borrow that thing you're wearing? I'm really cold."
"Oh you poor thing!" she says in sudden realization. As she's pulling it over her head, Adam drops the branch quickly. He grabs the sweater and throws it on backward, feeling much better quickly. "I guess I was just so used to you being naked all the time! Ha ha... Sorry."
"Yeah, that's ok," Adam says, admiring the feeling of clothing by embracing himself. "This is really nice."
"... Uh, yeah, you should try a whole outfit sometime."
"No, I mean I really like this. Can I have more?"
"Well, there's a problem, see."
"What? come on!"
"Adam, please keep back, you're making me nervous! Stop that!"
"You've had it long enough, it's my turn!"
"I'm not used to being naked like you are."
"It's still my turn."
"I don't care what you think! They're my clothes! Stop it!"
Suddenly Adam tackles her and tries pulling the clothes off!
"Just let me have one more! You've got plenty!"
"You're going to ruin them! Get off!"
Eve squirms out of his grasp and tries to get away, but Adam catches her legs and immediately tries to pull her pants off. She keeps hitting him, but he keeps pulling till eventually the button pops off the pants and he wriggles it off of her. She finally gets away, pantless. Adam does not pursue. He smiles as he puts his legs in awkwardly. Eve, hiding behind a tree, looks back scornfully.
"You Stupid Caveman! Those are mine! I need them!"
The legs aren't nearly big enough, but Adam doesn't seem to mind a bit. He chuckles. Eve starts throwing rocks.
"Ow! Stop! It was my turn!"
"I hope you die!"
Adam runs away, as best he can while holding the pants with both hands and waddling. Eve follows and keeps throwing rocks, preferably the pointy ones. Tripping and bruising all over, he eventually has no choice!
"Fine! Take them! Take them! Stupid clothes!"
She keeps throwing rocks as he stumbles along, taking off the pants and the sweater. She puts them back on, though the pants won't fasten anymore.
"Now you can go find your own clothes, by yourself!"
She throws one last rock which flies right past his hands and against his forehead, before she stomps away.
And now Adam feels really bad... you know, because he's cold again and he's bruised all over. He stands there for a moment watching Eve leave, probably going to the cave, and just feels miserable for himself. The snow keeps falling and surrounding him, getting in his hair and eyes. His anger erupts and he yells into the sky!
"God! Why didn't I get clothes!?"
It echoes madly against the mountains.
"Shut up!" he yells back at the mountains. "I'm trying to talk to God here!"
And it echoes too. He's about ready to go teach that guy a lesson for repeating him, but with his first step he's reminded how sore and tired and cold he is. "I'll get you later!" he yells.
"I'll get you later!" it echoes back.
"Oh yeah!?"
"Oh yeah!?"
"Stop it! Stop it stop it stop it!"
And so forth for a minute before he decides he shouldn't waste anymore time with words. It's time for action. _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Apr 13, 2006 11:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
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Muaddib Comrade
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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LOL Nice one Lebrenth.
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Shady Stoat Elder
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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*giggles* I'm glad Adam didn't go get his own clothes. Not in story terms, but that was hilarious - wouldn't have missed it for the world!
It's time for action, is it? Well, since Eve seems to have deserted him, I think Adam should go and eat the apple of knowledge. Maybe that will tell him where to find a decent menswear department in this place?
Or maybe he should appeal to 'her'. You know - worship other gods before his own? After all, the other god seems a lot friendlier. Perhaps she could help him out?
Go build a statue to her (well, a stick figure anyway), bow and scrape a little, offer up a sacrifice (I'm sure we could afford to sacrifice plenty of blecks!) and see if she answers. If she does, ask for something nice in pinstripes
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ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted
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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 5:03 am Post subject: |
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Beautiful! Great, hilarious chapter.
Now he’s cold and bruised, all because he didn’t want to crack Eve one on the head. And some punk on the mountains keeps repeating everything he says. He should really go find Eve, apologize- maybe even grovel a little, to get the sweater back- and then bring her out here to shout something and witness the cheek of it herself.
In the event that she fails to be impressed (which is likely, because let’s face it, for a chick that seems to know so much she can be pretty thicko at times) then just march right up to those mountains and find the sucker and give him a good pounding. But you better take more than a sweater that fits too tightly, and a sleep stick.
Eve did pretty good throwing sharp rocks…try those, and see how much faster you can get them to whizzing through the air if you used to sleep stick to whack ‘em one rather than simply throwing them. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Stubby Guest
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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 9:40 am Post subject: |
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So, a quick poke in the SGotM did get another chapter *grin*
I'm glad I nominated you now!
Great chapter too! I still have that image of him waddling along in too-tight girls pants, while being pelted by rocks - too funny!
Not sure what he should do next though...
Hmmm, last chapter ended with Viarga and his performing bear heading off to the mountains* - I wonder if that is who is doing the silly echo effect?
You could go look there
* well, one of them went and the other was kinda dragged along, as I remember
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Smee Revered IFian
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Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 12:25 am Post subject: |
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Very funny chapter Lebby
The conversation for clothes swapping - as rediculous as it was - was very well done and entertaining to read.
I think it's too soon for the for the apple of knowledge, but some sacrificial blecks to 'her' could be fun.
I think he shouldn't worry about that cheeky ingrate in the mountains, at least until this cold stuff goes away. Apologising to Eve would be good, the pants were too small but the jumper would be welcome.
Keep it coming _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Ingrothechundyer Guest
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Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:41 pm Post subject: |
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I agree
Very funny story
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 11:49 am Post subject: |
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How many Polls would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Polls? ... Doesn't have the same ring to it for some reason....
Anyway, EVE OF DESTRUCTION is ready to be voted on! _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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In this case, I have significant author insight and I can confirm that the specific apple that Adam has is, in fact, male. There is a comparable number of female apples on the tree, it just happens that a male one dropped first. Is there deep significance in this fact? Probably not, but if you happen to find any please let me know. _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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LordoftheNight Revered IFian
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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Well, obviously you're fed up of sexual sterotypes which declare women to be the greatest evil due to the fact that they created original sin by eating the apple. And then offering it to Adam. By creating a male apple you are shifting the balance yet again, saying that although a woman ate it, is was the man who brought it about and revoking years of history and believed fact. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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LordoftheNight Revered IFian
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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Well, everyone is deep once you get behind the twisted layer of gnarled feelings and twisted emotions. After penetrating the mind and uncovering the true subconcious thoughts of motality only a deep well of information remains, a unknown desire for knowledge and the capacity to store more data than you knew was possible. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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I feel like I should say something profound...
I Think, therefore I is... I think... _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:06 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 8 |
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Chapter Eight of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
"That does it," Adam says to himself, picking up his trusty sleepstick. Whoever is out there, they're going to get it. He's had enough of being bullied around by everyone. It's still cold, but his blood is hot as he grumbles up the mountain towards the echo, and any unfortunate bush that gets in his way gets thwacked. Anger drives Adam up the mountain where it gets even colder, but he still doesn't see his adversary... probably because he's running away, Adam surmises. When he finally gets to the summit of the first mountain, he can't see anyone moving anywhere!
"Where are you!?" he yells.
"Where are you!?" it yells back.
"I'm right here!"
"I'm right here!"
"Why don't you come face me like a man?" he says, and he hears the last part of the echo:
"...come face me like a man"
"Watch it, I've got a sleepstick!"
"... I've got a sleepstick!"
Uh oh, he's got a sleepstick too, Adam thinks to himself. A fair fight wouldn't be any fun at all. Picking up a rock, Adam tries to unbalance the odds in his favor, and accidentally invents a new sport. The rock goes much faster when it's hit with a sleepstick! Now he doesn't even have to be close to get that guy! Adam laughs and carries a few rocks with him, climbing down the mountain and up the next one. Reaching the top in nearly frozen exhaustion, icicles hanging from every appendage.
Adam would yell at that guy, but he can't stop shivering enough to say anything.
"Adam!" a voice yells out. Adam turns around and tries to slap himself on the forehead for going too far and overshooting his adversary. But wait, it's not the same voice. That sounded like Eve.
Too bad Adam freezes solid.
THE END
...
Slowly opening his eyes, Adam sees light everywhere and a big bright light far away. It feels warm and uplifting, and it calls to him.
"Adam? Adam."
"Oh no," Adam says to himself.
"What's wrong Adam?" the voice says gently.
"Is it God again?"
"God? No... I'm God's father."
"His what?"
"I am God's father. Are you all right?"
Adam collapses, bursting open the snowman he'd created when he froze standing up. The sun is out again and below the mountains most of the snow has melted, but Adam still can't move anything below his head.
"I've been better," Adam replies.
"Here, does this help?" God's father says, the bright light of the sun grows brighter and warmer. And the thawing process goes faster, but it's still taking its sweet time.
"Yeah, thanks. So what do you mean God's father?"
"... I , uh, made God."
"Like he made me?"
"No... it's a little different... with Gods."
"... Oh... like what?"
"Nevermind, I wanted to talk to you."
"Go for it, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," he says mistakenly, for with the snow beginning to melt it's especially slippery, and his body begins a very slow downward drift.
"Are you happy?"
"Am I WHAT?"
"Happy? I'm sorry, am I talking too softly?" it says, thunder rippling through the air as the volume increases, and a little avalanche on a neighboring mountain tumbles down.
"NO! NO! You're fine! I was just confused by the question!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Happy means..."
"I know what happy means, but since when did anyone care?"
"I guess I should have been watching him better."
"God? Absolutely! He's a terrible creator!"
"He's just going through a phase."
Adam doesn't know what a phase is, and he's becoming a little more concerned by the sliding, so he doesn't say anything. Grinding his head against the snow hurts and doesn't seem to be slowing him at all, and his arms are still not moving either.
"Anyway," God's father continues, "I was wondering if you'd rather not have him as God anymore."
"What, you going to take away his God privileges?"
"You could be with his sister instead if you like."
[insert explanation of what a 'sister' is here]
"Any other options?" Adam asks hopefully.
"No. God or his sister."
"How long do I have to think about it?" Adam says, now getting onto a steeper slope and picking up speed.
"Well, I'll just leave you with God until you make up your mind. But I won't be responsible for what he does if you chose him! Deal?"
"DEAL!" Adam cries out now zipping down the slope towards a perilous cliff.
"All right, have a nice day," God's father says, fading away.
"Wait! Could you help me NOT go over that cliff?! God's Father? God's FATHER!?"
Adam's flies off the cliff like a ramp, slowly spinning in midair till he sinks into the snowy valley like a javelin.
He slowly freezes again for another few hours, meanwhile Eve is still out looking for him. She lost his tracks near the summit of the second mountain next to a pillar of snow and hasn't seen any sign of him since, until God's father started talking again....
Adam eventually floats away with the runoff, joining an icy river that flows down a pass and over a cliff in a picturesque waterfall that Adam recognizes as he's bobbing along and eventually tossed over. He floats in the lagoon for a while till he finally thaws and he drags himself onto the bank and basks in the intense rays of the sun. The water evaporates off of him as he lays with an ecstatic grin on his face, and for a while, he gets to do his favorite activity in the world: SLEEP!
But just as he's feeling the warmth in his bones, a dark shadow blocks the sun and everything becomes dark again. Adam pretends to stay asleep, hoping if he pretends well enough, it will go away.
"ADAM!" God yells, causing a massive quake that shakes everything and throws Adam a good ten feet off the ground before he's dropped back down in a prostrate position, cowering below the sinister black eye. "You spoke to Dad?"
"Yes, I did! And he was lot nicer than you!"
"Shut up! It's not fair, I made you! If you choose my sister over me, I promise I'll get you!"
"Hey, I haven't made my decision yet, so why don't you be a little nicer in meantime?!"
"NO! If you choose my sister, I'll destroy you, understand?"
"... I get it! I get it! Stop shouting, you're destroying everything!" Adam says truthfully. The earthquake knocked down a lot of trees and the following avalanches and rockslides, with a sudden increase of heat and large snow banks, is beginning to show signs as well, with the waterfall's intensity easily doubling in just a few minutes.
"It's mine! I'll destroy it if I want to!"
"Ok, ok! Calm down! It was just a suggestion."
"This is stupid, I'm leaving."
Adam waits a minute then yells:
"Good!"
But he's still got some deciding to do.
"Oh yeah!" God says suddenly. "And to make sure you remember what I'll do to you if you choose my sister, I'm leaving the heat on!"
And slowly the black eye withdraws from the sun and the intense rays, once ideally pleasant, are quickly becoming abusive.
"HA, HA, HA!" God laughs mockingly and emphatically, as though just to rub it in instead of actually enjoying himself (as he usually does when he's tormenting Adam). Adam shrugs and goes into the cool shady cave, convinced that he's perfectly safe in there.... _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
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LordoftheNight Revered IFian
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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So, now God has a dad and a sister - once again I don't remember those from my Sunday School lessons. But what too do...
I would say choose God's sister, but I'm not sure what God would do about it - would he be able to get us afters - I guess he'll have to ask God's Dad next time he sees him. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Ingrothechundyer Guest
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm how much worse can his sister be?
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Ingrothechundyer Guest
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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Why not? It could make for a very interesting plot twist having someone want to play dolls and dressup with him.
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
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Shady Stoat Elder
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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Love the new chapter. Great story so far, Lebs
Well, it's going to be trouble either way. The sister got into the project when God wasn't around, so it's realistic to think that God could do the same if he were thrown off out of his power base.
I think maybe it's time to bargain with God. Tell him that, no matter how much he threatens and bullies, he still won't have his world any more if you say the word. Just because you'll lose, it doesn't mean he won't as well.
So, how about you both win? You say you want to keep him as God, the sister gets kept out of the loop, and in return, he creates another Adam/Eve/whatever he wants, and plays with him/her/them. All he has to do to keep his world is to leave Adam alone. Oh, and provide him with some clothes so he doesn't freeze. Preferably something like that Eve wears, with the softness and the frills and feminine colours
Then go eat the apple. You could do with some wisdom to get through this one
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Smee Revered IFian
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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Very entertaining chapter Lebby
As old as it is, the 'echo' jokes are still fun - I loved his worry at a fair fight when he discovered his 'enemy' also had a sleepstick.
The apple of knowledge definately seems a good idea now. It's not as if God could get much more vengeful.
Keep an eye out for Eve too - she must be around somewhere, and with the extra heat maybe wearing less clothes too
Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Topics: 103 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA Items Legends
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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Good work. I'm enjoying the chapters so far... _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Stubby Guest
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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lordofthenight wrote: | So, now God has a dad and a sister - once again I don't remember those from my Sunday School lessons. But what too do... |
Ohhh Lordy - surely you remember the trinity! God the father, god the son, and god the holy sister (well, it went something like that anyway!)
Nice one Lebby - another GREAT chapter to this SG, and I just hve to F5 smee on the echo gags - brilliantly told.
As for the whattishness of the next doingables, ummm, I'd say that Adam really really needs more info to decide on that one. He should go grab a bite of the apple. The knowledge it imparts could be really handy - you know - stuff like the date that the Mayflower sailed for the new world, or the names of all the wives of Henry VIII! Oh sorry - that's a history textbook, not an apple.
Seriously the apple could give him a good basis for making the upcoming decision - or it could just make god angry, in which case torments galore will be awating him.
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Araex Guest
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 9:19 am Post subject: |
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Hah... Jesus as a sadist... loving the echo jokes.
It's either the sister, or Stoat's plot.
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ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Topics: 58 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with that apple eating...and finding the sweaty Eve shedding her clothes. But you don't want to walk out of the cool dark cave and get blistered (what's blistered?) and since I'm sure the friendly neighborhood bear is in there somehing exciting is bound to happen.
Since God's father so niftily explained what a sister is, then why don't you get back at God by acting like his sister? I'm sure Eve will have a few helpful pointrs. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005 Topics: 43 Posts: 1484 Location: Utah Items Legends
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:26 am Post subject: Poll |
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There seems to be a lot of support for eating the apple so let's take a vote for that first. ... It might change our perspective... _________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
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Araex Guest
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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Don't eat it! God made it, and told us not to eat it, so that we will eat it! It's poisonous! God's using reverse psychology to trick us into killing ourselves because he'll find it funny!
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005 Topics: 43 Posts: 1484 Location: Utah Items Legends
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12 year old God? |
There's no choice, beg for the antidote |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
Lay down and die before giving him the satisfaction |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
Tell God where to stick it |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
Remind God of the money he's wasting |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
Laugh at God's pitiful attempt at creation |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
Conscientiously Object to this poll :) |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
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Total Votes : 10 |
Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, ethereal_fauna, LordoftheNight, Muaddib, Shady Stoat, Smee |
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You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
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