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Shady Stoat
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 Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:14 am Post subject: The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever: Chapter One Comments |
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Welcome, welcome and thrice welcome!
*a ton of humourous cookies land on your head*
Great first chapter. Very funny and original. Long may it continue 
I think Paracetamol... I mean, Cleothestrina... should give up on her dingy, uninteresting job and seek a better place for herself in the world.
Either that, or end up dying in the dirt, penniless and starving. That's down to the author, of course 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:36 am Post subject: |
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Welcome indeed Thracia Alba* A most excellent start! Enjoyed it very much! 
I can't really offer any meaningful suggestions** at this point, but I await the next chapter eagerly!
Great start! <grabs some of Stoat's cookies and legs it>
*Any relation to Jesscia Alba? May as well get that question out of the way now.
**Not that I usually have any, but you can never tell.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:53 am Post subject: |
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No decison?
-McDibsky "The Commie"
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 5:01 am Post subject: |
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I add my welcome to you Thracia 
I must admit to mixed feelings about both you and the story.
Seeing the title "The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever" filled me with enthusiasm for a new story in Fantasy.
This turned to a 'bah'* when I realised you stuck it in Humour.
Then with delight I read your opening paragraph where you said that maybe it won't be that funny and hope sprung that I could wrestle the story off the Stoat and move it into Fantasy.
However, I was distraught to find out that it was in fact hilarious.
Hilarity being what it is, I couldn't stay mad and once again I warmed to you.
That was until...
| Quote: | | only thankfully less British |
 How could I take such a beating against my nation?
I carried on, determined to finish and give you the ranting of a lifetime, only to discover the funnest paragraph to be the last one where my concrete face was forced into a wide grin and I promptly embarassed myself at work with a disturbing half-swallowed giggle. 
Damn you, but this story not only belongs here, but I found the British jokes amusing.
Keep it coming.
And Happy Writing.
*also steals cookies and runs off*
*Almost as bad as Meh, but has a post office.
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Thracia Alba
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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Wow! Many thanks for such a warm welcome! It'll be a challenge to live up to such praise, but I shall do my best. Or at least attempt to do my best. Which is almost as good.
Chinaren - Dang, I forgot all about Jessica Alba! No, my pseudonym is actually my frightfully incorrect Roman name, and "Alba" (meaning fair-skinned or white) was the only cognomen I could find that fit me. It was that or Cincinatta, but it sounds too much like the city.
Smee - Thanks so much, and many apologies for the British jokes. I actually love English people and their strange brand of humor, but I find it irresistable to poke fun at them. Then again, I poke fun at everyone I like.
Getting on to business, I see that there's already Shady Stoat's vote for poor Cleo to ditch her job and choose the path of adventure, or at least something resemling adventure. The other is for to just give up and drop dead where she stands, which might be a nice break for her. There have been no votes for her to continue her mysterious mission. If no one else makes any suggestions, should I post a poll anyway, and how long should I wait before doing so? Of course, this question is probably premature, since it's been less than a day since I posted. Color me impatient, huh?
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Thracia Alba wrote: | | If no one else makes any suggestions, should I post a poll anyway, and how long should I wait before doing so? Of course, this question is probably premature, since it's been less than a day since I posted. Color me impatient, huh? |
OK, the standard is to wait about a day or two (although most people starting out seem to wait one day rather than two), then put up the poll with the options discussed (and any others you want to add).
I leave my polls up for 3 days, but it's up to you how long you want the voting to go on for. I understand the impatience, though. It's not so long ago that I could write faster than the readers could read
I'm guessing, from the comments, that a few people were confused about the decision point and whether or not it was there. Now that you've clarified it, I'm sure some other people will come up with their points of view. If not, put the poll up with the options you've outlined in the chapter.
I'm sure people will forgive you for any mistakes you make, if the second chapter is as good as the first
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Thracia Alba
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you, Shady Stoat! I'm afraid I didn't write the world's clearest decision point, but I hope it will be clearer now. The important thing to remember is that in this story, almost anything goes. I already have something of an idea of where I want this story to go, regardless of the route it takes to get there. Cleo can do just about anything a reader can think up (within certain character boundaries, of course). She can carry on with her mission, she can up and quit, she can lie down and die in the mud (or at least attempt to), she can be snatched up by a passing Pterodon and carried off to its nest, whatever.
The interesting thing for me is that while I've written before, I've never written interactively like this. It's a very original and fun concept, and it will take some getting used to. :biggrin:
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | And around her swirled the uncomfortable realization that while what goes up may come down, what goes down can keep on falling. |
Just one more suggestion. On the above note, could Cleo take a few steps then fall down a pot-hole? I like the idea of a tumble at this stage
(and you're welcome)
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Chinaren
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Key
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 12:19 am Post subject: |
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 Hilarious first chapter, Thracia! Welcome to the City
I suggest Cleo starts making some waves. If she's a sales rep, suppose she starts selling a product so great that even the lethargic citizens of Meh will want it. That'll get the Witches' Council's attention.
Of course, the product doesn't have to actually exist. That's not Cleo's department, after all...
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Prince Dakkar
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 12:36 am Post subject: |
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Hey SUPER T and fellow newbe.
I for one think that Cleo should fall through the fog and start a wonderful new adventure
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:01 am Post subject: |
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Let me add my welcome, Thracia. I too look forward to more of your story. No clear suggestions to add that haven't already been touched upon by others, although I am particulary fond of Key's sales suggestion to stir the lethargic citizens of Meh.
Also a welcome to Prince Dakkar, another newbie that hopefully will stick around and enjoy our city's many wonders.
coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
Like your av btw, Dakkar.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Prince Dakkar
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:18 am Post subject: |
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AMANDA PALMER TOTALY ROCKS! Finally another Dresden Dolls fan!
...made of plastic and elastic, he is rugged and long lasting.
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 3:53 am Post subject: |
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Who could ever, ever ask for more.
Welcome Prince Dakkar
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 4:28 am Post subject: |
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*happily hi-jacks thread*
love without complications galore
Ahem, okay. Play nicely.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Thracia Alba
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Hey SUPER T and fellow newbe. |
Super T? Okaaay. Welcome to you, too.
Key's suggestion is highly interesting, though I doubt Cleo is that creative or ambitious. We shall see. The thing about the WC (Witches' Council) is that it's more like an order than an organization. There is a High Council of a dozen witches who run the show, and everyone under them does whatever they say, including the grunt work, such as what Cleo is doing. They give their employees titles like "Sales Rep." and "Public Relations Officer" to distract from the fact that they're little more than glorified errand boys (or girls. Errand people?). So Cleo's tasks as Sales Rep. could range from selling products to passing out pamphlets to performing some service to picking up the High Council's dry-cleaning. It all depends. But that doesn't mean Cleo can't improvise, I suppose.
At any rate, it's been about two and a half days since I posted the first chapter, so I think a poll is called for! Let's get crackin'.
Edit again: How silly of me! The poll will be left up until I've finished the second chapter, obviously.
Last edited by Thracia Alba on Sun Feb 05, 2006 11:47 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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She will fall and Dakkar will be appeased.  Exellent.
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Prince Dakkar
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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The above post was mine. Terribly sorry. 
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