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Ravagerrr
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 Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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Alright, a shift in style for chapter 6... Sorry if you wanted to vote but didn't get the opportunity. My timeline drove me to print faster than I think some of you were ready, but hey, das da way it goes.
Ok, then, lets discuss how Mack's gonna weasel (or stoat) his way out of this one!
Last edited by Ravagerrr on Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:25 pm Post subject: |
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Very different this time around Ravagerr  I still like it though 
He needs to use his watch to signal for Syd that he's 'awake'. Do it at least twice, so that they know it's urgent. In the meantime, struggle, fight, don't give up and try to breathe occasionally. He's a soldier, even without his legs and while he's in pain, he must know some moves to keep the creature from killing him until help can arrive.
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Smee
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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Intriguing chapter Rav, I enjoyed it
| Quote: | | how Mack's gonna weasle his way out of this one! |
I think 'weasel' is exactly the word, move around as much as he can, try and get his arms inside the choking grip to prize them open and then try to strangle back.
Happy Writing
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Araex
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | "his weariness was taking a toll he'd rather stop paying"
Absolutely awesome line.
"Most of it was twirling about in his head like a cyclone, but as he pondered his situation, he began to calm the turgid seas of his mind." |
Another treasure. Great mixed metaphor.
| Quote: | "revealing yet another aluminium"
"I'm definitely the guy to talk to Mack"
"it's also your communication device"
"an abhorration which appeared to be formed"
" They had moved to a wooded property, and his Dad was always out working on the property" Ack, repetition, my pet hate.
"It took Mack a number of minutes to adjust" |
A few minutes perhaps? It doesn't quite sound right.
Wonderful chapter. I loved the dream, and the way it merged with reality. And inky gremlin demons are always worth a few laughs, aren't they?
Does he know any combat techniques? If not, I say we smack our unwanted visitor in the face, to give us a few precious seconds to alert Syd. Then we can try and smother the thing under our dead weight, if not using our immobility to an advantage, then to at least even the scores.
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Ravagerrr
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the constructive feedback... you were right about everything BUT aluminum... thats the way we spell it in America... pronounced just as differently as well... Alright I fixed those issues.
Question for my readers... what was your impression of the MEANING of the first dream?
Oh, yes... Mack has been taught rudimentary combat skills... nothing too awefully impressive I'm afraid, especially without legs to stand on.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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Can he use his chair some way? How responsive would it be with him not in it? Otherwise, I agree with what's already been said. Signal for assist.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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His chair is within reach of touch... what he doesn't know is: does it respond to his thoughts if he's merely touching it, OR has it somehow been programmed to his brainwaves and would respond just by thinking a command without touching, OR is it only responsive when seated in it?
Good... somebody thought of the chair... not that I'm advocating using it... just that it was one the possible scenarios I had conceived. (at this point I've heard 2 of 3 that I thought of myself...)
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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Wouldn't hurt to try the chair. Any vehicle could become a deadly weapon if used in a specific manner. 
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Well then Fauna, the question would be HOW... what would you do to use the chair? What would you attempt to get the chair to do if you found it responsive?
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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I would think the chair is heavy. If responsive, get the chair to pin the attacker against the wall, then you can roll out from under it. If you have to touch the chair then that might not be possible, so have the chair knock the attacker aside...give you time to call for assitance.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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I agree the chair could work. But maybe he could use the watch to contact for some help, and it also easily would be useful for others to find him.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the Illuminati ref and the dragon ref Rav! You've officially got me hooked.
As for what Mack can do...didn't Syd mention the watch being an explosive device? Stuff it in the gremlin's mouth and detonate is my suggestion...
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| Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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But first we'd have to take the watch off, and its easier to 'Glasgow Kiss' our midnight friend and signal for help, then attack him with the chair.
For those who weren't in chat i.e. everyone, I think the dream is telling us that China has just attacked the source of knowledge, or is going to, or some variation on that theme.
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| Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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Okay... call me an idiot(wouldn't be the first time) but, could I get a definition of a Glasgow Kiss? Term sounds fun but I haven't heard it before...
Alright guys, c'mon... what country, to the south of China, has relatively recently fallen to Chinese invasion?
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| Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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A Glasgow Kiss - A very techniqual term, it is also known by a variety of names such as A Catachan Kiss. Through proper application of due force it can...
To cut it short it's a headbutt. Nothing special, but it just sounds...better.
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| Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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Cool chappy!
Well, not to get too technical but... Shout for help if he can with the thing around his neck.
Mind you, using the watch seems to be a good way too.
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| Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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| lol... a headbutt... I figured but I hadta ask.
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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When you mean recent, how recent? Taiwan just pops into my head right now with all the news about their demand to be free of Chinese rule.
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| Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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Tibet? That not recent either...
Let me get this straight China became a dragon and lunged at him?
I get it, use a bit of tibet?No seriously I dont get it.
But the Natalia part was good. That should be his primary objective.
By the way Im nominating you for SGOTM.
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| Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 6:19 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter again Rav man! 
I think that he should signal for help then try slugging it or headbutting it. Does it have nadgers? Aim a punch there.
As for the dream, Taiwan also springs to mind. Evil oppressors! Rargh! 
Looking forward to the next chappie! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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| Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 6:24 am Post subject: |
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Apart from the fact China hasn't invaded Taiwan.
I am also a bit baffled about the invasion comment Ravay, now that I have seen it, care to expand on that one?
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| Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 6:29 am Post subject: |
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I know that they havn't actually invaded. It's not as though this is a real life setting though is it? 
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| Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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Muad... I can't thank u enough for the nomination... makes me little heart melt!  With happiness!  (And to be seconded by the Mayor himself  cool!)
OK... If u were to look at the map of Asia... u would find what used to be a tiny little mountainous country which HAS been mentioned so far. THAT'S the place where the light was coming from... why would that light have dimmed but moved onto the Americas? What is that light representing?
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, Polls up! Happy voting!
As for all the 'strategies' mentioned, much of them fall within the general... battle the beast selections. He'll try a variety of procedures to fight off the creature in combat if this option is selected, all keeping in mind the suggestions I've been given here.
"Glassgow kissing" Hmmm... Can a person 'Glassgow make out'? (would anyone want to?!?)
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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Went for the first option. Make use of the technology, but don't overuse them quite yet.
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| Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:21 am Post subject: |
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Voted! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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| Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:54 am Post subject: |
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| Go mano-y-mano with Imp.
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| Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 5:33 am Post subject: |
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LOL. I just got an image of Trinity in the first Matrix in her crouched position before she attacked. Sorry, totally off-topic. Bad me.
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| Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Tha's ok Rave... just wondering what brought that to mind tho?
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| Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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I've read the first two chapters. Here are a few technical aspects of the first:
| Quote: | | arranged wargames between his freinds |
and
| Quote: | | to keep he and his green men |
maybe you meant: him? In anycase, he sounds akward in this sentence.
As to my thoughts on the story, I must admit I like it...really. I like the fantasized yet within the limits of possibility, and I like the setting. I also think that the crude reality is good, yet the guy still gets his patriotic feelings used to convince him, even after he's lost his legs for a country in a stupid manner (probably the shrapnel was American). The character is also believable.
Try to get you punctuation, etc, more orderly, because it interferes with the flow sometimes.
Otherwise, keep up the good work , and expect my vote in SGoTM (well, maybe).
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