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solus.serpen
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 Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:23 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 3: Choosing paths.
Jalidah ripped the corner off his shirt and held it over his mouth before walking towards the nearest house. It was old and stone, with. There was no door, although the rusted hinges hinted this wasn't always the case. Slates from a hole in the roof littered the floor and there was a fireplace at the south side of the room.  This house was a bungalow and only had one room. Jalidah guessed the people who had lived here would have been poor. A small pile of bones, presumably from a rat, were lying next to the fireplace. Other things pointed to the house being deserted for some time, but nothing was of interest.
Retreating back onto the street, Jalidah decided to try one of the bigger houses, all of which seemed to be clustered around the fountain. He was somewhat relieved to see his bag where he had left it, although he couldn’t be sure why. It wasn’t as if there was anyone to take it.
The house he had chosen actually had a door, but it disintegrated as soon as he touched it. Tiptoeing in, he peered around. It was gloomy inside and it took him a moment for his eyes to adjust. This room also had a fireplace, but it was more intact than the last one. In front of the fireplace was an old wooden chair. It had the remanants of a one grand cover draped over it, although time had not been kind, and it was now little more than a moth eaten rag. A table stood on its own in the far corner.
Opposite the entrance was a ladder leading to the second floor, and a door in the east wall leading to the kitchen. He entered cautiously. Walking over to the basin, he saw that it was full of dirty plates, a grimy scrubbing brush on the floor beside it. One of the cupboards was partly open, and chancing a look, he saw that there were piles of food still stored there. Grimacing at the odur, he moved away from the rotting food, wondering if he would be able to find anything that wasn't more than half decomposed.
In the corner, partly covered by a bucket, he saw a trapdoor, but apart from that there was nothing.
He decided to try upstairs first. Not trusting the ladder, he backed up against the opposite wall and took a running jump. The first time he hit the wall, and bounced off noisily. The second time his hand slipped off. However, another attempt saw him dangling from one hand beneath the opening above. There was a pile of dust directly below him where the ladder had been, and on top of it was his mouth-cover.
 Wincing at the physical effort, he pulled himself up until he was lying on the upstairs floor, gasping for breath. I didn’t realise I was that unfit! the thought unnerved him. Struggling to his feet, he ripped off a new mouth-cover from his shirt. He saw he was in the middle of a narrow hallway, three doors led off from it. They all looked similar, so he picked one at random. Once again it collapsed with a sigh when he touched it. He found himself in what must have been a bedroom. In the centre was a double bed. The sheets were old and moth ridden. There was a chest of drawers by the side. He tried to avoid touching anything as he made his way to the window.The view was of houses not dissimilar to the one he was in. The fact that he was in a intact town, with furniture still in place, yet totally silent made him shiver.
It was darker outside now and he realised that he would have to find somewhere to sleep soon. Retreating from the bedroom, he explored the other rooms. Another bedroom and a small bathroom. He didn’t linger there much. Going down he landed in a crouch, careful not to jar his already sore-with-walking legs. Then he made his way to the cellar door.
It was of stronger wood than the rest of the doors, and he had to kick it quite hard before it gave way.
I wonder why they protected this better than the rest. He thought, What have they got to hide?
Peering down the hole, he found that it was too dark to see anything. I’ll be able to see better when I’m down there.
So thinking, he uncovered his mouth and held the cloth with his teeth. Holding onto the side of the square, he lowered himself down, taking the strain on his arms. His legs didn’t find the bottom but, by swinging them, he came into contact with a wooden rung and moved himself onto the ladder. The ladder was actually metal, but it had wooden rungs attached.
The place reeked, although he wasn’t sure what of.
It didn’t take him long to reach the bottom, but until he did he held his breath, making sure he didn’t inhale any more of the smell. Leaning against the metal ladder, he let his eyes adjust to the light. Even when they had, he could only see a few feet in front. For the moment, there was nothing in his view.
He could hear dripping and was puzzled, because unless his ears were deceiving him, he was in a wide area. Bigger than the cellar should be.
He took a few cautious steps forward, careful not to make to much noise. The dripping continued, but now another sound could be heard, it was an echo of footsteps. At first Jalidah could have been forgiven for thinking they were his, but as they drew closer the thudding became clearer. Jalidah made a sloshing noise as he moved because of the thin layer of water that covered the cellar floor, these steps were big and heavy.
He stopped dead when he heard them. They were still quite a long way away and he would have time to go back…
He turned and started to tiptoe back the way he had come, not wanting to draw attention.
“HALT! WHO GOES THERE?!” THERE, There, there, there…
The voice was thin and reedy, (despite the capitals) but still just about understandable.
Jalidah jumped and giving up all caution he began to run. In his haste he tripped on a crack in the floor and fell face down in the murky water. His hand brushed against the ladder as he fell and he had pulled himself up and started to climb the ladder before he had really registered that he had fallen. His heart was pumping madly as he heard a loud splashing sound behind him. Hands shaking, he made his way up the ladder and threw himself out onto the ground.
Crawling to the door, he pulled himself to his feet and ran into the main room. He would have run further, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that made him stop.
The ladder to the second floor that he had destroyed earlier was now intact. There was no sign of the cloth he had dropped there earlier either.
His cheeks felt strange, flushed even, yet he only now realised how cold he was.
Turning, he ran, ran as fast as he could out of the town, back the way he had come earlier in the evening. The moon had gone behind a cloud and once again he found that sight was limited. In the dark he stumbled slightly, but only fell once. It was a little way past the first bend in the road. He intended to camp around the next bend.
“Dazak!” he swore, nursing his hurt foot. Searching for what he had tripped on, he felt a stone slab of some kind, about a foot above the ground. It had some kind of writing on it, but he decided that it could wait until morning. Limping around the bend, he lay down in the bushes by the side of the road. He knew he had left his pack behind. He had realised it when he was about a hundred metres from the wretched place. But he wasn’t keen to go back and get it, not keen at all.
He lay down and tried to sleep, but it would be a long time before he got some proper rest.
*~*~*~
In a dark room, a shadowed figure made its way through a small sea, heading to where it thought the being had disappeared. As it moved, it felt something brush against its skin. Glancing down, its eyes pierced the darkness and it made out a piece of white material. Stopping, it examined the cloth, then moved on. Soon it saw the glare of metal and a shaft of dim starlight. Reaching out it touched the metal, but withdrew from the light. Taking a few steps backwards, it stared sadly at the ladder. Then it retreated back into the darkness, caressing the piece of cloth as a tear rolled down its cheek.
*~*~*~
Morning came and Jalidah watched as the first rays shot across the sky. It hadn’t been a good night and he was glad to see some light at last. It seemed to lift some of the fear from him, and he felt much better.
Maybe I should go and retrieve my pack now its light He considered. Last night Jalidah had had a lot of time to think about things. For the most part he had thought about his family, why he was going on this journey anyway, but his mind couldn’t stop going back to the cellar. There was something wrong with what had happened down there. Something that didn’t make sense…
He shook his head to dismiss the thought. He should get on. But where is on? He would have to go through the town again, something he really didn’t want to do. Getting up, he stretched, wincing at his sore arms and feet, then began to move. It felt strange to be travelling without a bag, somehow nice and free, but also very vulnerable. As he made his way back towards the town, he came across the stone he had tripped on the night before. Now that the morning light had come, it was easy to read.
straight on for Saif. (North)
Back for Hasington. (South)
Right for Candleford. (East)
Jalidah had come from Hasington, Saif was where he had had his encounter last night, and next to the signpost was a dirt track leading off to the right - Candleford.
He must have missed it when he had come this way yesterday evening. After all, he had been tired and his eyes had been fixed on Saif in hope of fresh supplies.
Ironic that the town should be called Saif (safe) yet come under such misfortune he thought reflectively.
Now he has a decision to make though. Should he go to Candleford? Should he pass through Saif and see what villages lie further north? Or should he … … … (your suggestions here).
Please feel free to discuss  .
Right! New chapter up then. Slightly longer than my other ones, but never mind. Got it up in time for the PPP, so come on everyone! Think hard and surprise me with all your suggestions  .
Solus.[/img]
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Last edited by solus.serpen on Sun Sep 03, 2006 11:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 6:25 am Post subject: |
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Please remember i am not sober at the moment:
| Quote: | | ripped the corner off his shirt |
A bit harsh! Couldn't he just lift it up and cover his face? 
| Quote: | | It was old, and stone. |
I can't think very cleary now, but I feel more could be made of this sentence.
| Quote: | | There was no door, although the rusted hinges suggested that there might have been at one time. |
I think might have been should really be something stronger:
There was no door, although the rusted hinges hinted this wasn't always the case.
| Quote: | | Inside, slates from a hole in the roof littered the floor and there was a fireplace at the south side of the room. |
Gosh, I am super critc when drunk.
I would drop the inside here. Also I don't think the two sentences are really related closely enough to warrant the 'and'.
| Quote: | | There was a small pile of bones next to the fireplace where presumably a small vermin like a rat had died |
This sounds a bit strange. A small pile of bones, presumably from a rat, were lying...
| Quote: | | Other things pointed to the house being deserted for some time, but nothing was of interest. |
Again, these two halves seem unrelated somehow. Perhaps split them up and put them into their own beds.
| Quote: | | Retreating back onto the street, Jalidah decided to try one of the bigger houses, all of which seemed to be clustered around the fountain. He was somewhat relieved to see his bag next to the fountain |
You could do without the second 'fountain'.
| Quote: | | It wasn’t as if there was anyone to nick it. |
'nick' seems a little casual and modern, considering the context of the story.
| Quote: | | The light was dim in here and |
Mebe:
It was gloomy inside
| Quote: | | This room also had a fireplace, but it was more in tact |
also? Don't need it here.
but need to think about your conjunctions more. I don't think but fits well here.
intact.
| Quote: | | In front of the fireplace was a wooden chair, it had the remnants of a velvet cover still clinging to it, although it was incredibly moth eaten, and there was a table in the far corner. |
Oh, I am going the whole hog tonight.
Drop the still.
Again, this bit seems to be rather distant from the first half. Perhaps the whole shebang colud read more like:
In front of the fireplace was an old wooden chair. It had the remanants of a one grand cover draped over it, although time had not been kind, and it was now little more than a moth eaten rag. A table stood on its own in the far corner...
'pologies for typos.
| Quote: | | There was a ladder up to the second floor opposite the entrance |
Opposite the entrance was a ladder leading to the second floor..
| Quote: | | and a door in the east wall leading to the kitchen, which he proceeded to enter. |
A bit er.. ug: Split it up perhaps. Full stop/period and then...
He entered cautiously...
| Quote: | | It had a bad smell and he heard a fly buzz past his ear. |
Arg! You try so hard before, then stoop to someone complaining about the drains! Be a little more interesting! Bad smell indeed.
| Quote: | | Making a face at the smell that was emitted, he moved away from the food, wondering if there was anything that hadn’t gone off. Standing up, he looked for another door. |
Grimacing at the odur, he moved away from the rotting food, wondering if he would be able to find anything that wasn't more than half decomposed.
He abandoned his search, and stood up, casting around for anothe r way out.
| Quote: | | In the corner, partly covered by a bucket, he saw a trapdoor, but apart from that there was nothing. |
otherwise there was nothiing of interest.
| Quote: | | Maybe I should go up the stairs first? Deciding that this was probably the best plan, he walked back to the ladder he had seen earlier. He was loath to climb it though, as it was the same wood as the door had been. Not seeing anything to use instead, he backed up until his back was against the opposite wall, and got ready for a running jump. He had to try several times, but it didn’t take too long for him to be dangling by one hand from the open trapdoor in the roof. There was a pile of dust directly below him where the ladder had been, and on top of it was his mouth-cover. |
Unwieldy:
He decided to try upstairs. Not trusting the ladder, he backed up against the opposite wall and took a running jump. The first time he hit the wall, and bounced off noisily. The second time his hand slipped off. However, anothe attempt saw him dangling from one hand beneath the opening above.
| Quote: | | They all looked similar, so he randomly picked one and went to open it. |
...so he picked one at random.
| Quote: | | Once again it collapsed with a sigh when he touched it. He found himself in what must have been a bedroom. In the centre was a double bed, sheets once again |
repeat
Urg, there's more, but I am losing structual integrigrity.
Anyway, I am strongly of the opinion he needs to go back and further explore Saif. There stuff going on there, wierd, freaky stuff, and I want in.
Nice chapter SS, despite my babbling above. Enjoyed it.
:biggrin:
!Please excuse typos, it is hard to type with much beer inside me.
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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Well I'm not really in a correcting mood and besides China seems to have gone through and nit picked the story himself .
All I can say is that it's rare for a Chapter to impress me and even rarer for one to inspire me to try and write better and certainly the second half of this one acheived both, an excellent effort.
I agree to an extent with China. I think he should return to Saif and retrieve his rucksack now it's light. However straying too far underground at this stage without any real life doesn't seem too wise. I suggest he then investigate the villages to the North - are they all like Saif?
In reference to what was wrong in the celler the only thing I spotted that was unusual was that the gaurd stomped rather than splashed, indicating he was on hard ground rather than water. I could also go into speculating what the creature was (vampire or undead like seems most likely as they don't like light...althougth they seem to like white or shirt pieces... 
Still I really enjoyed this Chapter solus...spectacular effort .
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 10:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Please remember i am not sober at the moment: |
Tut, tut china, been at the drink again? 
Oh well, I'll go through and change the bits I think need changing. Some of your corrections I don't agree with, and another, like:
| Quote: | Quote:
In the corner, partly covered by a bucket, he saw a trapdoor, but apart from that there was nothing.
otherwise there was nothiing of interest. |
I meant that there was nothing else in the room. Plus I had already used 'nothing of interest' somewhere else and I thought it sounded a bit repetitive.
However thanks for going through, I'll try and be more carefull next time! .
Hm, no-one for candleford then?
 To be honest, I thought there were more readers than this...but I'll give it a day or two before I put the poll up.
Solus.
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chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, sorry for the double-posting, but since it is more than a month since I last wrote on this - I think I should be allowed.
POLL is now up - so get voting.
Glad to be back, and this sg can finaly get started again .
Solus.
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chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
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| Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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Yey!!!, glad to see you and it back up and running solus .  (I'm not actually btw )
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 7:04 am Post subject: |
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The POLL will be running for a few more days - but not that long because I want to get the next chapter out soon, hopefully over half-term.
So If you want to vote - get it done quickly!!
And thanks for the welcome, Jez .
solus.
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chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
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| Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:49 am Post subject: |
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Voted, and I seem to have gone for the popular option.
Glad to see this one still up and running SS!
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 4:54 am Post subject: |
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Hm, the vote seemed rather one-sided so I've closed it now and will be getting the next chapter out asap.
Happy reading!
Solus.
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| Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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DESTINY
Chapter four.
The Sorrows Of Sellena.
Jalidah hesitated a moment by the signpost. Candleford would hopefully provide more supplies, but he was curious about what had happened the night before. In the daytime it wouldn’t be so scary (he hoped), and chances are it was nothing anyway.
Either way, curiosity won in the end and he walked down to Saif with a spring in his step - he even managed a light tune. Having no pack on his shoulders certainly made a difference. Thinking that made him remember his pack, and the first thing he did was to go to the long-dry water fountain to retrieve it.
Or try to retrieve it - for it was gone. Jalidah’s earlier hopes vanished, and he looked grim. Peering around, he wondered if he would catch any glimpses of the being that had taken his pack - but he knew really that the thief had probably taken it ages ago, while he had been asleep.
It wouldn’t make sense for a thief to be passing by here as it looks like no-one comes here now. thought Jalidah. So whatever took my pack is probably resident here, like the thing I heard in the cellar. It might even be the same thing. Jalidah realised that there could be countless of them, unknown, hiding in the cellars of this town.
The thought chilled him - but he determined to find out. If just to get his pack back. It had much needed supplies in, if he were to get to a town that could replenish his pack, he would first need the stuff that was in it.
Gritting his teeth, he looked for the house he had found the cellar in last night.
It was not hard to come by and soon he was walking through the doorway, which he remembered had once held a door. In the living room, where the ladder would have been, was a pile of dust. He bent down and examined it, wondering how he could have seen the ladder reincarnate there last night. He let the dust fall through the gaps between his fingers and shrugged, getting to his feet again. That was not what he was here to find out.
He went into the kitchen and saw the trap-door. It was still open, and he could hear the drip-drip of the cellar from where he stood at the door. It seemed to be a challenge to him, and he glared at the sound as if that could stop it. Failing, he went over to the trap-door and without further ado, began to climb down. He was determined not to run back this time unless he was in mortal danger. His knife was in his pack, something which would have been very useful to him now - even if all it did was to boost his confidence.
Moving cautiously through the water, he wished he had a light of some kind - the sunlight filtering through the trapdoor only illuminated a few paces. Standing at the edge of this light, he called out.
“Hello? Anyone there?” There, there, there, the echo came.
A rather rash move, considering he didn’t know what he was dealing with. But he made sure that he was near enough to the trap-door to climb out again quickly - if it was necessary.
At first there was no reply, but just as he was getting quite confident, a splashing noise came which set off his nerves again, and he gripped the metal steps nervously.
The splashing soon became a soft swishing noise as if in deeper water before once more returning to splashes. Whoever or whatever it was was coming closer. He took a deep breath and forced himself to stay still. The thing had shown no real signs of violence yet.
It stopped a few metres away as far as he could tell, and stayed there. There was no more splashing or swishing, no wailing or growling. It did not attack, it did not retreat. Nothing happened.
“Um…” Jahlidah managed at last, then stopped. As there was no reply, he continued. “Are you there? I don’t mean any harm. I just want to know, …”
What did he want to know?
“Who I am?” Came a quiet voice. There was no echo, and he was relieved to find that the voice did not seem to be one of some horrible monster. On the contrary, it seemed to be a woman’s voice - soft and sweet. Too sweet? He had heard the tales of mermaids and sirens. He knew that not all monsters were big and ugly, and the ones that weren’t were usually the worst. But they were just tales -surely?
Another silence had descended, and he realised that whoever it was was waiting for him to speak.
“Um. Yes.” He said simply, and hoped it was enough. He felt slightly foolish.
“I wish I really knew.” Was the mournful reply.
Like a ghost. Jalidah thought, and wondered whether that was what it was - it would certainly fit.
Apart from that, he had the problem of how to keep the conversation going. There wasn’t really much you could reply to that except, ‘oh’. Luckily, she solved the problem for him.
“I guess that wasn’t really a proper answer, was it?” She asked with a bitterness in her voice. “But I’ve been here so long, with only myself to talk to, that I’ve lost the knack.”
He nodded, but again wasn’t sure what to say. Luckily, she seemed to revel in the company, for she was reluctant to stop talking.
“I was here when the village became like this, you know? Two years ago. I’ve watched as it has slowly deteriated. it’s a wreck now. It used to be so nice…” She trailed off.
Two years ago. Jalidah thought. He remembered something like that. One day he had come home to see his wife in deep conversation with their neighbour. When she had finished, she had asked him if he had noticed that everyone was back from market two days early. He had told her ‘no’, and she had gone on to explain that when they got there, everyone was sick and one of the young boys that was not yet ill had told them to turn back. Their whole village had caught an illness, and that they didn’t want the whole of Hasington to catch it as well.
He was pulled out of his chain of thoughts as the lady started talking again.
“I don’t suppose you would know any of this, though. They hushed it up and no-body talks about it now. But never mind. I don’t suppose it really matters.” She was back to being mournful, but Jalidah decided that this might be a good time to find out something else he had been wondering about.
“The towns further North of Saif - are they derelict, too?”
For a moment there was no answer, just a nervous swishing sound. “I don’t know.” She finally replied. “I haven’t been that far.”
After another silence, Jalidah finally asked, “So, how do you survive down here?” It was a question that he hadn’t wanted to ask before, as he wasn’t sure what she was. If she was something unusual she would probably have to tell him now.
“Survive? You mean live?” She asked. He nodded and she continued.
“When I first came here, I slept on the floor. It was cold, and wet, but not as wet as it is now.” She said. “It has been slowly filling up. Soon I think I might have to move. Well, by soon - I mean within the next year or two. Anyway, after a week of that, I found a cave while I was exploring the place. I live there now. It is above the water level, but as I said, in a year or two…” She trailed off again.
“But what do you eat?” Persisted Jalidah. He realised that he was a lot more relaxed. Now instead of gripping the rungs, he was lightly resting his hand on them. Maybe that is what she wants. He thought cautiously. Maybe this is part of her plan.
“Oh.” She sounded even more downcast at that question. “I didn’t dare eat anything off the surface in case I caught what they caught.” She said quietly. “And for the first few days, I starved myself. For nearly a week, I starved myself. But I was getting dizzy and I knew I was going to die if I continued like that.”
Jalidah wished she would just get to the point. “So in the end, hunger drove me to eat these snails.” She sounded embarrassed and he guessed she was holding one up for him to look at. Obviously she didn’t realise he couldn’t see her.
“Anyway. A few months later, I found a way out of here into the woods that surround this place. In there, I found that there were enough animals to hunt to bring me sufficient food, but I had to learn first, and even now I still eat the snails sometimes. They seem to like the water - and they don’t taste too bad after a while. Do you want one?” She asked, and he heard her coming nearer. He stiffened - but after all, she seemed to be very friendly and he didn’t think she really meant any harm. If he mistrusted everyone he met, than living would be virtually impossible.
She stopped just outside the light and thrust one exceedingly pale arm forward. In her palm were several small snails. They looked like ordinary snails, still with their shells - except these were smaller than most, and had pale-white and almost silvery shells. Their bodies were also pale, and it was hard to see them against her skin.
“Erm. No - thanks. I’m…not so hungry right now.” He said. He did not want to offend her, and yet he also did not want to eat the vile things.
“Oh, that’s ok.” She said mildly, her arm disappearing into the blackness again. “I didn’t expect you to want one. If you are used to nice food, I bet they look disgusting.”
There was a crunch and he winced as he imagined eating one. It didn’t sound like she took the shell off before eating them.
“So..so you’re…human?” He asked falteringly. She laughed. It was a pleasant laugh, and it echoed in the large place.
“Yes! Of course. What did you expect me to be?” She asked. It was a rhetorical question, he thought, but all the same possible answers ran through his mind:
A vampire, a ghost, a monster, a siren, a horrible scheming female demon of sorts… Jalidah decided these probably wouldn’t go down too well and dropped them.
“Do you want to see my cave?” She asked him, once she had finished eating.
He wasn’t sure - did he? I guess it would be polite. He thought and agreed. Besides, he was curious once again. She started to move away and he followed cautiously till he could no longer see. Blinking several times, he wondered how she could carry on without a light. A moment later the swishing sound stopped again.
“Are you coming?” She called.
“I cannot see.” Was his puzzled reply. “How can you?” He wondered whether she would have a light in her cave, or whether that, too, would be in absolute dark.
“Oh!” The swishing returned, as she came back. “Silly me. I forgot. My eyesight has been finely tuned to this light, whereas yours has not. Here, take my hand and I will lead you.” With this, he felt her grab his hand and pull him along. Not having much choice - he followed. It was not long after that that he saw a faint flickering light.
Soon he could see that it was fire, from a candle. It illuminated a small cave with some matches in and a thin blanket. There were two packs in the room. His - and a much smaller one.
“I guess you’ll be wanting your pack back.” She sighed as they neared the cave.
He nodded, “Th-that would be nice.” He stuttered. The water had only come up to his chest at its deepest point, but it was freezing, and now so was he.
As she led him into the cave, he saw that she was wearing the spare cloak that he had kept in his pack. Seeing him looking, she blushed and he realised that she was actually quite pretty. She was also much younger than he had expected. She couldn’t have been more than eighteen, by his reckoning.
“I'm sorry I took your cloak - you can have it back if you want. It’s just that these are the only clothes I have.” She explained, blushing again - this time in embarrassment that she was so poor.
“Why didn’t you take stuff from the town, when they had died?” He asked, again puzzled.
“Why! Because I didn’t want to die like they did. I snuck away from the village when the cold first broke out. I feel bad about leaving my family - but they were already ill. When I had watched them die - every one of them, I was careful that I did not go the same way. That is why I did not take anything - and that is why I live down here.”
He gestured to the mat. Lying upon it was part of his shirt - the part that he had dropped when he ran. He had only just realised that he had walked through the town without anything to protect him, and was now feeling slightly sick.
Mistaking his gesture, she piped up, “Oh, the rug I took with me when I first ran from the town. It’s ok. It hasn’t harmed me in two years so I doubt it will start now.”
Jalidah shook his head and pointed more distinctly. “The cloth…” He managed.
“Oh, right! Yes, I found that in the water last night when you were here. I thought you were gone forever and…well, never mind. What about it? Do you want it back?”
He shook his head. He was feeling slightly queasy now, and he rubbed his forehead as it was beginning to hurt. The movement made him go of balance and the world began to spin. A groan escaped his lips before he fell to the floor and darkness took over again.
~*~*~*~
He awoke to the sound of singing. It was a beautiful sound and reminded him of his wife when she had been young. Tears formed in his eyes and as he opened them to look around him, he found that the world was blurred. He tried to rise but the singing stopped and he was pushed back down again. The blanket was thin and the floor was hard and cold. He realised that he must still be in the cave and wondered how long he had been out.
A face came into focus.
“Can you see me?” It asked. She had dark black wavy hair and green eyes.
“Yes.” He tried and was relived to find that it came out all right.
“Good.” She was terribly practical, he thought, as she helped him up a bit and forced him to drink. The water was welcome, even if it had come from the cellar.
She stopped him though, before he had had as much as he wanted.
“A bit at a time.” She reprieved him and once again reminded him of his wife.
“How long have I been out?” He asked, trying to sit up properly but she pushed him back down again.
“A day.” She replied shortly.
“If you don’t want the disease, I suggest you throw me out, or run away.” He said quietly.
He knew he had it - what else could it be? If it had been a cough or two, he might have assumed that it was a common cold bought on from the water. But blacking out was not a symptom of that kind-of cold. It was terribly bad luck, he thought calmly. That he should get it from being careless once - even after it being derelict for two years. For some reason, he felt no panic like he had before though. He had always thought he was a coward - and would run to the end of the earth to escape from death - but how could you run from yourself?
Later that day, he felt well enough to stand and walk around, and began to doubt his earlier assumptions that he had got the sickness. Sellena - for that was her name he had found out - would say no more on the topic other than ‘I never realised how bad being alone could be’.
As he paced the cave, he wondered how long his provisions would last. Probably not long. He reasoned. If he was to make it to somewhere with supplies, he would have to leave pretty soon. What if he had caught whatever it was the people of two years previous had got?
Earlier he had tried asking Sellena how long it took them to die but she had refused to answer, pursing her lips and shaking her head in reply.
So far he had eaten a little bread from his pack, but was being conservative. Although it was obvious Sellena longed for normal food, she had been very nice and had stuck to snails all day. She was out hunting now. Apparently she kept her hunting equipment outside so she didn’t have to trail it through the water and get it wet.
He knew he would have to leave soon, yet how could he? It would be shunning all Sellena’s hospitality. He went on like this at himself for a long time, then had a fit of coughing and retreated back to the rug.
Sellena came back a lot later with some cooked meat. She had held it above the water so it wouldn’t get wet, and had once again left her hunting equipment outside.
She came in to find him pale and sweaty - clasping the rug to him as if it were the only thing that was keeping him alive. In the ghostly candle-light, the scene looked positively spooky, and stashing the meat in her pack, she quickly fetched some water.
Wetting her hand, and laying it on his forehead, she prayed that the fever would stop. She had never been trained in medicine and she was not a healer. She wished now to God that she was. And knew that she would have to get him out of here and to someone who knew what they were doing.
He calmed down a bit and soon went into a fevered dream. Robbed of her rug, Sellena gathered the cloak that he had let her keep about her, and fell into a troubled sleep, blowing the candle out before she did so. Although he thought she looked eighteen - she was actually only sixteen, and too young to be burdened with such responsibilities.
~*~*~*~
The next day Jalidah prepared to leave. He intended to do so quietly without letting Sellena know. He would leave a note (he always carried parchment and pen around with him in his pack), and then he would sneak off, taking his pack with him. He would go to Candleford and get supplies - then he would continue on his journey to DLOJD to help his wife out. Which was the whole point of the trip anyway, wasn’t it?
He was frustrated at taking so long. If he wasn’t careful, he would miss the deadline - and he didn’t want anything bad to happen to his family. No. Nothing bad.
He bit his lip. He felt guilty at leaving Sellena, but what other choice did he have? The thought of asking her to come with him did not even enter his mind.
Later that day, when Sellena had gone to get fresh water from a stream in the forest, he quickly wrote the note and left it on the blanket where she should see it. It read:
Sellena,
I am sorry to say that after all your hospitality, I would leave you without a straight good-bye, but it is so. I am not worthy of your kindness, and I am sorry I have to go. I need to leave now though, in order to reach Candleford to replenish my supplies before they run out. I know that I am a horrible and heartless man, but I beg your forgiveness.
Yours truly,
An Ungrateful wretch.
(Jalidah)
He read the note through once more before leaving it and slinging his pack over his shoulder.
It was a bit too grovelling, but it would have to do. He didn’t know how far the stream was, and he had to leave before she got back.
Letting himself down into the water gently, so as not to make much noise, he proceeded to head towards a spot of light in the distance. His eyes were becoming more accustomed to the dim light now and he could just about make his way through the water.  As he neared the light, he realised that it was actually a hole in the wall that led into the forest. The water was deep here and some of it seeped through the hole, meaning that there were a lot of lush ferns covering the entrance.
Parting them with one hand (he was holding his pack above the water with the other one), he peered out. There didn‘t seem to be anyone coming so he decided he would risk it. It was probably the best exit anyway, as all the others led into the kitchens of the town houses.
Thinking of that, he remembered that he had worked out how the ladder had re-appeared on his first visit. In his haste, he had run for the wrong ladder and come out in a different house. A smile lingered on his face as he remembered his bafflement at the time. Then he pushed his pack out and climbed after it.
Next to the ferns were some finely crafted weapons. It looked like someone had spent days, weeks, maybe even months on making each one.
First there was a wooden cross-bow - all the weapons were made out of wood. The cross-bow didn’t look like it was used much, probably because there weren’t any bolts for it. Saying that though, it did have a professional bowstring and he wondered where she had got it from.
Next to the Cross bow was a normal bow. This looked like it was used a lot - and recently. The bow had to be tightened and the arrows which were laying nearby still had some blood on.
There were some javelins and spears too. There was no blood on these, but one or two were blunt and he guessed (correctly) that she had been practicing with them rather than actually hunting. There was a dagger also. Similar to one he had glimpsed in her pack, and some other blocks of wood which presumably she was going to make something with. He supposed that being alone for so long with nothing to do would have been unbearable so she put her effort into making these and learning how to use them.
He heard a twig snap behind him and cursed himself for getting distracted. Now what was he supposed to tell her? How could he get away?
He twirled around as he heard her say.
“Do you like them? I made them when I had nothing better to do. I think I am getting quite good at using them now.”
She was carrying a wooden basket, woven tightly and finished with moss so that the water stayed in.
“Did you make that?” He asked, gesturing at the basket. She looked surprised and for a moment he thought she was going to say ‘no’. But then she changed her mind and nodded.
“Yes. Its not that hard when you get working at it. I made it according to a design I had seen my mothers friend use.”
“Oh.” There was an awkward silence in which she examined him and he looked at his feet.
“Are you going somewhere?” The calmness with which she said it surprised him, but she couldn’t hide the slight of disappointment that crept in.
“I, um. Just to…” He tried to think of a really good excuse but none came and he trailed off. It was his turn to be embarrassed now as he looked back to his feet, as if expecting some kind of help from them.
She nodded. “Just to get away. I understand. I thought I might have that effect on people. I guess I can’t help it - I must be cursed to be alone.” She barely held back the tears and she brushed past him, intent on getting back to the cave.
Hesitating for a moment, he put out his hand out and touched her shoulder.
“No-wait.” He said. “It’s not you. It's just that I have to leave. I have a deadline to meet and I have already stayed here too long.” She had turned to listen to him so he continued more slowly.
“My supplies are running low, and I must reach Candleford to restock them before they run out and I die. Look! I have one loaf of bread left and that’s all. I don’t want to bother you further, you have already been too kind. I left you a note before I left but I did not want to tell you directly for fear that you would stop me.” He stopped and took a deep breath before facing her.
Her face, however, didn’t give anything away. She stood there a while pondering then said.
“It’s not that I will stop you going. I was going to take you to get a doctor to see to you soon anyway. But I will stop you going if you won’t take me.”
Seeing his face, she continued more urgently,
“I know I haven’t really got much to offer, but I am ok with these,” She pointed to the weapons he had just been examining. “And I won’t take up any of your supplies, as I can provide my own food. I just want to get away from this place. It feels like a prison to me and there is no-one to stop me from going, I have just never wanted to go. I didn’t want to go on my own. I tried once, but they all stared at me and no-one would let me stay, not even the inns. I spent all my money on supplies and had to come back…” She stopped, aware that she was rambling.
Her eyes pleaded with him and Jalidah looked away, confused.
“I thought you liked it here. It suits you. You’ve lived here on your own for so long…” Seeing her surprise he shrugged and said. “But I must have been blind! If you want to come along, then please do - I was unwilling to ask you, but I would welcome your company!”
Grinning like a pleased child (which, technically, she was), she rolled her eyes and said,
“Bah! Men. They’re all blind.”
Then, making sure he stayed there, she went and got her pack, leaving the rug behind.
While she was gone, Jalidah smiled and looked at the weapons again. He wondered which ones they should take. As he did so, another fit of coughing seized him and he ended up on the ground, a cut running across his right cheek where he had fallen against one of the javelins.
Putting his finger to the cut he felt the blood and a moan escaped his lips. His forehead was hot again and he poked his head passed the ferns and splashed his face with water. It worked, temporarily anyhow.
Sellenia came back a moment later with her pack. She noticed the cut with a worried frown but he waved his hand to show that she should ignore it. Unwillingly, she did so.
“How long to Candleford - do you know?” He asked her and she shrugged.
“I have not been there. I have only been to the villages North of here.”
Jalidah stared at her. “You said you hadn’t been there.”
“I did?” She avoided eye contact. “I don’t remember.” Her avoidance of the topic frightened him, although he couldn’t say why.
“When I asked you whether they were like Saif was…”
She shook her head and repeated. “I do not remember.” Then after a pause. “The towns past Saif are all fine, if a bit rowdy. It should take two-three days to get there providing the journey goes smoothly.” He knew she was referring to his illness when she said that.
“I’ll be fine.” He replied gruffly although he didn’t feel it.
She nodded, and turned back. She had fitted her arrows and the dagger into her pack. She intended to carry the bow and three of the javelins.
“Well?” She asked smoothly. “Where should we go - Candleford or Yalac?”
He looked at her. “Yalac.?”
“Past Saif.” She explained. “Of course. There is always Hasington, or do you have any other idea's…?”
So…thoughts, comments, ideas? Feel free to state them. I’m afraid I got a little bit carried away with this chapter, and consequently, it is a lot longer than I expected it to be. Hopefully the less avid readers among you will find it just about readable…
Anyway, thanks for bearing through with that, and i'll try and find some pictures to make it more reader-friendly!
Solus.
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| Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 12:04 am Post subject: |
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Great Chapter SS!
As for where to head, I would say the closest place. Maybe best she didn't say she was from this village though, they may be a bit scared of her, so make a cover story on the way.
She seems to be hiding something, but I guess time will tell!
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 1:00 am Post subject: |
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Hasington = day 1/2
Yalac = two/three days.
Candleford = unknown.
So the shortest distance could be candleford or Hasington. Would you take the risk?
solus.
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| Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 1:05 am Post subject: |
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Mmm, maybe Yalac then.
One slight point I forgot to make. Watch your POV switches. At one point in the story you switched from our hero to the girl with nary a blink. It can be a bit confusing done that way.
Anyway, other than that, great chapter.
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| Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 1:05 am Post subject: |
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| Yep I'd go with Candleford as he needs to replenish his supplies. Great Chapter solus as usual .
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:17 am Post subject: |
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POLL IS UP!!!!
PLEASE VOTE!!
thank-you
Solus
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| Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:52 am Post subject: |
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| I'm assuming that the top option should just be Candleford...I'll go with that one
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, yes. It was supposed ot be, but the POLL has messed up completely saying that four people have voted and all...
But I'll go with it, just make sure that when you vote, you post a message saying which option you have gone for.
TOP OPTION IS CANDLEFORD!!
solus
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| Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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Um, you may want to delete the poll and start again.
The top two options are actually one option. You vote on one, and it shows up on two.
For the record, I (tried to) vote for Candleford, but keep the girl along.
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| Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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good one solus!
hard...
i think yalac
he came from hasington, so i don't think he would particularly want to go back there (painful memories, nosy people...), and candleford is a bit of a risk if he does't know anything about it. if he goes to yalac, they know where it is and there would hopefully be someone there who could help them.
and another thing, who exactly is sellena? she could be anyone, and since she probably can't do anything to help him, why not ditch her? if she took his pack she probably had the intention of keeping it (thief!), which suggests she's slightly dishonest and since we don;t know her, she might do that again.
joy 
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| Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 1:32 am Post subject: |
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hmm, I thought of deleteing it and starting again, but Its not going to be up for too much longer anyway and as long as people post the option they voted for it should be fine. For instance I have voted authors option. Joyfull has voted Yalac and ditch Sellena, Jez has voted Candleford and China has voted for Candleford.
So candleford is currently winning, it doesn't really matter if the poll shows it funny, because you can see the ammount of people that have voted at the bottom anyhow.
and Welcome Joy.
Solus
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| Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 3:44 am Post subject: |
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Just to clarify. I voted Candleford, but don't ditch the chick.
Predictable? Ah well, so it goes.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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Ohhhh, who voted authors option...?
Except me of course. Oh - shadow.
nvm, that vote isn't counted.
Poll is closed now because I've been sketching and it fits in with the curent vote
Actually, I don't think many more people are going to vote anyhow.
New chapter shouldn't be too long in coming.
And meanwhile - who knows of a good way to get drawings onto the computer when you don't have access to a scanner?
Solus
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| Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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can some-one please delete this post?
Solus
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Last edited by solus.serpen on Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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DESTINY chapter 5
Lighning strikes, Thunder roars...
Ok, sorry it took so long. I was practically sleeping while I wrote this, so if there is any mistakes, please say - and also I'm sorry that it isn't as good as it could have been, but I thought that I'd been taking too long, so here it is.
~Enjoy!
“We’ll go to Candleford.”
That had been his decision. At the time he couldn’t explain why he had chosen it really, but now he could. He did not want to go back to Hasington and besides, they lacked a proper doctor so it would not be much use. Yalac seemed shady. They had a definite figure for how long it would take, but there was something that Sellena was hiding from him about it, and he didn’t need any complications right now.
Candleford was an unknown, a wildcard. One which for whatever reason, he had been prepared to play.
They had been travelling for a day. So far nothing had happened except the odd coughing fit, and it didn’t look like Candleford was anywhere near yet - not that these things can really be told. It could be a day, or a whole week before they came to it.
Now darkness had fallen and Jalidah couldn’t sleep. He had been lying staring up at the stars for the whole night, bar an hour or two at the start when he had slept feverishly. It felt strange to be out on such a cold night with a fever. As if he was burning up and freezing to death at the same time, and he found himself wondering yet again how long it would take before he joined the rest of Saif’s old inhabitants. Sellena still refused to disclose that piece of information.
Thinking of Sellena made him think of his wife - of the reason for this journey. He wondered what would happen if he died. Whether she would hear about it, whether the authorities would hear about it and cancel the appointment. If he died, how would they know? How could he get there on time?
It was near impossible as it was.
Moaning, he just about managed to level himself to a sitting position. He couldn’t lie there anymore, he needed to get to Candleford. All this time was being wasted - and they couldn’t afford that time.
Crawling over to Sellena, he shook her shoulder to wake her. At first she must have thought they were being attacked, or that he was having another fit for her eyes widened dramatically and she had reached for her dagger before she realised that nothing was wrong.
“We should move. There will be plenty of time to rest in Candleford - for now, this time is being wasted.” He knew how selfish it was. All because he couldn’t sleep, it didn’t mean she couldn’t. Sellena probably needed it more than him as she had the extra burden of looking after him, and despite his insistence, continued to carry his pack for him so the weight would not affect his already bad health.
Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she nodded and took up the two packs, her bow and the spears. Momentarily stooping under the load, she straightened herself and snuck a glance at him to make sure he was ok.
“Couldn’t you sleep?” She asked suspiciously, still looking for signs of the fever.
He shook his head and began to walk along the road towards Candleford.
“No.”
Neither of them wasted breath to talk over the next two days. Only stopping to eat and gain a slight rest. Throughout the journey, Jalidah’s fever became worse and his coughing fits more frequent. And by the end of it, Sellena was practically sleeping on her feet.
It was as they rounded a corner that Jahlidah saw a sight that made his heart leap, although he had heard it before his eyes had confirmed it. Laughter, a joyous noise that will always brighten ones spirit, and as he rounded the corner he saw the source. It was not Candleford, but a clearing, and in the middle of the clearing was a jester. Dressed in the yellow and red chequered uniform that the Jesters have adopted, he was bowing to the crowd having just finished his act. The audience were made up of black-skinned people, all clapping and throwing money into the circle. Apparently, the jester must have been pretty good.
Sellena had woken up slightly at the new sounds and sights. Glancing at her, Jalidah smiled slightly to show his happiness at finally finding some sign of civilization, but was surprised to find that the smile was not returned. He didn’t think it was because she was tired either.
“Oh Gods.” She whispered, fear in her voice. “Lets go back. Lets turn around and go back!” He stared at her, then followed her eyes. She was watching the Jester as he held out a bowl for the money, and proceeded to try and catch some that was being thrown into the roped off circle he had been performing in.
“Why?” Jalidah asked, his voice croaky from lack of use. “What’s wrong? It’s good. There is people. They can help!”
She didn’t answer, merely shaking her head. She had stopped moving now and despite him pulling on her arm, she wouldn’t budge.
“Do we have to go on?” She asked feebly, and when he nodded and replied in the affirmative, she bit her lip. A moment later and she had pulled up the hood of her cloak, although it was midday and full sunshine.
“Do not speak to them. Let us hurry past.” She pleaded.
“Why?” Jalidah repeated. “They could help!”
She shook her head in reply and he grabbed her shoulders, saying angrily. “If there is something you’re not telling me, you had better say now. You said you didn’t know anything about Candleford, but if you know these people, if they are dangerous - then I need to know.”
She stared back at him, shocked at this outburst. He, too, was surprised at himself and wondered whether this was due the fevor, lack of sleep or pure desperation. Probably all three, either way he let her go.
“I do not know all these people - and I did not lie about Candleford. I know nothing of it or of the black men and women. But I do know the Jester. I have met him before. Well, not strictly ‘met’, but close enough. I do not wish to disclose under which circumstances but I would prefer not to meet…” She stopped and looked behind him. “Oh no.” She murmured. Jahlidah turned to see the Jester looking their way. There was no more laughter from the crowd, and he realised that they were all watching as well. He wished now that they had retreated into the trees when Sellena had seen the Jester. Another part of him was just glad that someone had found them, or that they had found someone. Maybe, just maybe despite what Sellena said, they might help them. Something gripped his arm but he didn’t even turn to see her, instead watching as the Jester came towards them.
“Lets run.” She said. “Please, lets run.”
Jalidah felt almost tempted to at her pleas but he suddenly realised that even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. He shook his head and hoped that she would understand. He didn’t have the energy to explain. Instead he sank to his knees and saw the world swim in front of his eyes. He managed to hang on to consciousness until he felt another presence near them. Then, in a desperate voice, he cried. “Help” and let himself give into the darkness.
He did not know how long he had been out, but he guessed quite a long time. He was in completely new surroundings - he could tell without even looking around. For one, he was lying on something soft, presumably a bed. Second, everything was quiet apart from the crackle of the fire. And thirdly - he was warm. Too warm. He still had his fever.
A movement out of the corner of his eye and a creak as someone stepped on a loose floor board. A moment later and a man was standing over his bed. He had pale skin, and Jalidah guessed he was the Jester man that Sellena had been so worried about because he was of about the same height and build. Also, because even at a distance, the long scar down the side of his face was visible - and Jalidah remembered seeing it before.
“Ah. You are awake at last.” The voice was serious and grim, and despite himself, Jalidah found himself wondering how such an un-funny man had ever become a Jester.
“How long have I been out?” Jalidah managed to reply, and then waited.
“A day.” An awkward silence fell before the jester next spoke. “There is a healer here, but she is old, and maybe not best suited to helping you. When I told her you were ill, she insisted that she must talk to you before she diagnosed your problem. As you were asleep then, she has gone. Will you be alright if I go and fetch her?”
“Better than if you don’t.” Jalidah muttered with a small smile and the jester nodded.
“I shouldn’t be long.”
As he turned to go, Jalidah called out. “Where is Sellena?” then added as an afterthought, “The girl I was with.”
The man stopped, but did not turn as he said impassively. “She is being held prisoner until she can be taken to Yalac and be tried in court for previous crimes that she may have committed.” Then he exited the room quickly before any more questions could be asked.
Jalidah watched him go, eyes wide in astonishment. So this is why Sellena had wanted to turn back? What crimes had she committed - had he been travelling with a murderer?
She hadn’t seemed like that sort to him. She was still only a girl - not old enough to kill. So what then? Stealing? That seemed more likely.
He sighed and waited for the healer to come, hopefully she would be better than the jester had painted her out to be.
----------------
Lightning strikes. Thunder roars.
 Somewhere, a baby cries. She is only a year old, but already so much lies in her hands. Around her neck is a locket, inside it, two pictures.One shows a woman shrouded in mist. Her mouth is open as if she is screaming and her eyes are closed. It looks like she is falling, even though she is on solid ground, and if you were to see it, you would know instinctively that she is about to die.
The other shows a crying baby, who is only a year old. Around her neck is a locket, inside it, two pictures. One shows a woman shrouded in mist. Her mouth is open as if she is screaming and her eyes are closed. It looks like she is falling, even though she is on solid ground, and if you were to see it, you would know instinctively that she is about to die. The other shows…
Lightning strikes. Thunder roars.
-------------------------------
Jalidah leaned against the rough bricks that made up the house he had just been to. His healing was only temporary, and although the symptoms were notably less, he now had a common cold. Apparently, he would have this until the full force fever came on again. The healer had given him some treatment to take with him when he left, which would be soon. Tomorrow. He would continue to make his way to DLOJD to free his wife and children if he could. He didn’t care if he died now, just so long as he could see his family once more before he did.
There was still one more thing that needed to be sorted out though. Sellena.
That’s who he had been to see just now. Theft, nothing more apparently. He remembered thinking that it was strange that she could have such profesional bowstrings with the resources she had - and about the water basket too. She hadn’t made them. Granted, she had made the weapons themselves, and generally catered for herself - but she had been unwilling to talk about Yalac, it seems, because she could not go there. Not to show her face. Not if she wanted to go any further.
He could still get her out, the security in Candleford was not good. He would have to move quickly though, and was she worth this? Was she worth this extra time?
She was a companion - not necessarily a good companion, but the only one he had. It was nice to have someone by your side, especially now.
Did he really want to lose that privilege only to gain some time?
---
Discuss and decide, bitte!
Solus.
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chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
Last edited by solus.serpen on Mon Jan 01, 2007 11:19 am; edited 3 times in total
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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To dump the lady?
Wow. This is tough. I say...
Keep her and use her as cannon fodder!
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:58 am Post subject: |
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This is a reallty tough decision, trying to rescue her could lead to all sorts of horrific complications, particularaly as he ahs an illness and they are bound to expect him to try and rescue his companion. I'm tempted to suggest (although I normally would not) that in this instance he will have to set out alone, but ensuring he has clear direction where to go, which should happen as the jester seems to know enough about the destination he is due to go to.
Loved the thunder and lightning bit, that was incredibly good, kind of reminicent of Phillip Pullman (Ruby in the Smoke author). I am hooked as to what else is going to happen.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:28 am Post subject: |
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Huzzah! A new chapter! A few small ones first:
Needs some spaces between the paragraphs SS!
| Quote: | | Now it was night and Jalidah couldn’t sleep. He had been lying staring up at the stars for the whole night |
A night repeated there.
| Quote: | | That had been his decision. He couldn’t explain why he had chosen it really. He did not want to go back to Hasington and besides, they lacked a proper doctor so it would not be much use. Yalac seemed... |
You say he couldn't explain why, then go on to explain it! 
| Quote: | | Did he really want to loose that privilege only to gain some time? |
Arrrgggg! Lose, one O!
As for the DP. MMmmm. Well, if he does break her out, he is going to have to commit other crimes too. Steal some horses perhaps. The chances of him getting away as ill as he is can't be good. They are bound to send people after them.
What is her punishment? If it is a fine, maybe he could pay it. Seems a bit severe for stealing a few trinkets otherwise. And how did she know the jester eh? There is something we don't know here I think.
Try and pay a fine, find out more about the crime.
Good stuff SS.
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:25 am Post subject: |
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Good comments, all.
I'll go and do the corrections - thank china.
And are there any other suggestions for the poll? Because I don't have that many at the minute. If not, I'll try and come up with one or two more of my own.
Sorry it's so similar really: keep/ditch the girl!
lol.
| Quote: | | And how did she know the jester eh? There is something we don't know here I think. |
......
| Quote: | | which should happen as the jester seems to know enough about the destination he is due to go to. |
 
We don't know where the Jester is from...?
I'll get the poll out soon
~Solus
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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wow, gr8 chapter!
a few comments:
| Quote: | | Candleford was an unknown, a wildcard |
| Quote: | | He couldn’t lie there anymore, he needed to get to Candleford |
perhaps a semicolon would have been more appropriate in the above situations? just a suggestion
little mistake here!
and one more thing. is her name sellena or sellenia? u started off writing sellena, but then at the end u mysteriously changes it. is this an accident, or is it part of da story?
anyway, the DP
i think that he should wait a bit until he is better, then find some people and enquire a bit about the jester and sellena (or is it sellenia?)
then he should try and free her here, or escape and follow her to yalac, where the travellers will be easier to defeat. if that fails, mebbbe he should jusr escape and look for some more friends (not that she was really a friend anyway)
or mebbe he should just abanndon her, and once he is healed, travel somewhere else himself? mebbe yalac, since it seema to be quite big
anyway, gr8 chapter!
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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Ok joy, I like ti with the comma's but I'll change the candle ford error.
Um, I keep on forgetting her name! lol, I wrote the chapter in two parts though, so I must have thought that her name was different when I wrote each parts, I'll go and chaeck - then change it.
Um...
He isn't going to get better Joy, He is going to get worse. The treatment is temporary, he has accepted that he is going to die, but he wants to waste as little time as possible so he can see his family before he dies.
~Solus
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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oh, i feel so sorry 4 jalidah
ok, if he really wants to see his family, 4get sellena!
he should find this DLOJD and find his family
mebbe he should go 2 yalac. if it has a court, it must be pretty big!
he should ask himself:
who does he value more: his family or sellena?
joy
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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| In reference to the jester, I know we don't know where he is from, but when he said: '“She is being held prisoner until she can be taken to Yalac and be tried in court for previous crimes that she may have committed.” It seemed that he knew of Yalac quite well, as though he had been there before or at least knew the way.
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Masterweaver wrote: | | The man has talent as a jester and (implied) a mage... |
?
| JezSharp wrote: | | It seemed that he knew of Yalac quite well, as though he had been there before or at least knew the way. |
Ah. You natrually assume that we will be going to Yalac. There are towns to the North/East of Candleford, as well as past Saif.
Please, suggestions on where we should go, as well.
~Solus
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| Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:36 am Post subject: |
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POLL closed now. I'll try and get the next chapter out soon.
~Solus
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| Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:27 am Post subject: |
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(Triple post!?!?!?! I need more input.
*Subtle plea for more input from readers. Or maybe just for more readers...*
Anyway, sorry this took so long, went through a period of being addicted to 'the sims' so I havn't been writing much. Well, here it is at last...
...Chapter 6! )
DESTINY CHAPTER SIX
DOWNFALL
In a cold, rickety attic, a young woman sits cradling a small child in her arms. Around her neck, the child wears a locket. The young woman looks worn and tired, her eyes full of sorrow as she looks at the child in her arms. She is sad because she knows who the child is, and knows the burden that the small girl will soon have to carry.
“Song!” Calls the girl, making the woman smile bitterly. A moment later and she begins to sing. The tune is a haunting one and her soft voice mixes with it. The child falls still as she listens to the sad tune, the words of which go something like this.
I’ve seen this in my dream,
A petrified, family.
All pointing hands at me -
The victims of a tragedy.
A young man fights against,
The pull of life, the pull of death,
He wants now no more strife,
And so he breathes his final breath,
A woman in a field,
Crying for, the crops won’t yield,
She knows her fam’ly’s end,
She’d gladly give, her life for them.
I try and make amends,
But who am I, to comprehend?
In all this troubled land,
I cannot give a helping hand.
My chains, they hold me well,
So I may see, but never tell,
Destined to watch am I,
What curse is this, that makes it so?
Wide eyes, and shining locks,
My little girl, upon the docks,
She sings of happiness,
The blissfulness of ignorance.
A tear falls down my cheek,
Remembrance of the future brings,
Sad tidings now to all,
As day has come of my downfall.
The last verse was almost whispered rather than sung, and as the young woman finished, she hugged the sleeping child closer, a tear still glistening on her unspoiled cheek.
~*~*~*~*~
Yalac. So this is what it looks like. Jalidah thought to himself, staring down at the busy, lifelike place below him. There were a lot of houses, and in the centre was a big square that was currently being used to hold a market. Many people in brightly coloured clothes hurried about, buying this and that, and one or two finding the time to spare each other a quick greeting before hurrying on their way.
Just off to the side of the market square was a big building that looked like it was the town hall. Jalidah had no doubt that it was also used as a courtroom. As he saw it, a brief look of regret lingered on his worn features. He had tried, and he supposed that was the best he could do.
“Why is it that everyone I have anything to do with gets into trouble?” Jalidah asked angrily and kicked the earth. He did not know who he was talking to though, and his frustration was in vain. Sighing deeply, he sat down on a rock and continued to stare at Yalac, but his eyes were unfocused and he was thinking of something else.
Two nights ago in fact, to be exact. That’s when he had tried to free her - tried and, well, in a way succeeded. For he had unbound her. Unbound her physically, but he hadn’t realised about another, much more serious problem.
It is in a forest, a forest full of pine trees to be exact, and it is night. Five men sleep on the floor. One is the Jester, and the other four are guards. Black men, from Candleford. Sellena sleeps on a cart. Except…she doesn’t sleep. Instead she sits, her green eyes blazing and her face cold, impassive. She is bound to the cart by thick rope.
Jalidah is awake, he still cannot sleep much.
“Free me.” This is Sellena. Jalidah looks up, surprised. But still, he had been thinking about it. “You don’t have to take me with you, just free me.”
Still slight hesitation. “Just give me a knife. I’ll free myself.”
With a glance at the Jester and the guards, Jalidah rummages around in her pack. They had taken it with them to be used as evidence when they got to Yalac. Finding a knife, he gives it to her, still glancing nervously at the guards. It is his watch, and he is surprised that they trusted him so much. After all, he had almost tried to help her escape while they were in Candleford.
“Thank-you.” The politeness seems forced, and Jalidah looks back at her in surprise once more. He is confused, why is she acting like this? Is it because he didn’t free her himself? Does she think him cowardly? She would not be wrong. It shows on his face.
Standing up, she collects her pack, then turns and walks to the Jester. Jalidah watches her, and finally catches her eye.
“Do not stop me.” She mouths. Then, holding the knife in shaking hands, she closes her eyes and plunges it down.
“No!” Jalidah cries, shocked. But it is already too late and he knows it. Why can’t he do anything? Why can’t he run after her?
The guards are up now, and he suddenly realises that he is suspect. That it is his fault. Turning, he finds he can run now and he does.
After a while, he stops for breath. A little way off, to the left, he can hear someone crying. Gently approaching, he listens to what they are saying.
“God. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me!” She cries in hysteria.
The black locks that once reminded him of his wife, now represent only horrified confusion. Turning, he walks away. He will never see her again.
He doesn’t want to see her again. Despite this though, despite what she did, he still feels something towards her. Maybe because she helped him when he was in need.
I hope, for her own sake, that they do not catch her. Yet, I never want to see her again in my life. That is history. The past. It is behind me.
~*~*~*~*~
“He is still not here.” The owner of the quiet voice is young, and he looks scared.
“Why not?” This voice is angry, and belongs to a man dressed smartly in a suit. He is standing behind a desk in a well furnished room, although the light is dim.
“I, I don’t know, sire.” The boy stutters. At the age of nine or ten, he is hardly suitable for this type of job, or for a job at all. One wonders why he was chosen, but it is obvious he is used to the treatment.
“I need to know! I want to know! Now either bring him to me, or find out why you can’t. If I see you again without either him or an explanation, you are going to be in big trouble. Got that?” The young boy nods vigorously. “Good. Now scarper.”
As the boy exits the room, a new voice is heard. The speaker is not immediately visible however, as he is hidden in the shadows. His black clothes blending in with the darkness. Even when you do notice him, he is little more than an outline in the dim light.
“You are too harsh on him, Keil. The boy knows very little of anything. The scroll-keeper is probably late because you did not include a map or directions in your note.”
“And who are you to correct me?” Keil snaps, turning towards the thin black outline. He receives a soft laugh in return.
“Isn’t that what you pay me for?” With that, the cloaked man sweeps out of the room, leaving Keil alone.
Sinking into his chair and holding his head in his hands, he sighs deeply. He does not know what is going on anymore. To such an extent that there is no point trying. At least his advisor knows what is happening though, he always seems to know what is best.
~*~*~*~*~
The sounds of the market seems amplified ten-fold when you are actually in it, and Jalidah finds that it is hard for him to think. Instead, he stares at an apple he holds in his hand. He does not even know what he is trying to think about.
“You ‘k, sir?” Jalidah is woken suddenly with a prod and he remembers that he is still in the market. In fact, he hadn’t even bought the apple.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” he mumbles, about to put it back.
“‘Ay, you bin staring at tha apple for so long, you must be ‘ungry. Int you got the money to pay for’t?”
“No, no, I have.” Jalidah assures the worried apple seller, producing a few coins from his pack. It would be easier to pay for it than to be badgered and bombarded with questions. Market people were too talkative. He wondered if any of them had heard the saying ‘curiosity killed the cat’. They probably wouldn’t understand it even if they had.
“Keep the change.” he mutters.
“Oh, but I couldn’t poss’bly do tha, sir!” The aghast apple-woman stares at the coins in her hand. Why can’t the poor just graciously accept charity?
“Keep it.” Jalidah repeats. “And don’t ask any more questions. I was never here.”
With that, he hurries out of the crowd and leans against a wall a few streets away. He can still hear the market, and the apple is still clasped in his hand. Lowering his head, he stares at it again. It reminds him that he hasn’t eaten for a while, but it also reminds him that the last time he ate, he ate with Sellena. With the Jester and the guards. If they can’t find her, they might start searching for him. He is still a suspect, and it is almost certain that he let her free. Even if they do find her, they will probably search for him too. It is just a matter of time. Should he waste some of that on getting a proper nights sleep and a good meal at an inn? It would certainly do him good, and he wouldn’t deny that he needed it…
~*~*~*~*~
A dark shadow suddenly falls over the land. It covers the whole of the known map, and the sky turns black. There are screams and crying is heard. In Yalac, the apple-woman drops all her money and falls to her knees in prayer to every God she has heard of.
In a forest glade, all noises cease, and even the stream stops running for a moment.
In a dark corridor, a shadowed figure lifts his head in interest, and nearby, a child calls in fright.
Surely, this is the end of the world.
The sky clears and the depression ceases. The screams and crying stop and in Yalac, the apple-woman calmly starts picking up her money. The stream runs again, the birds sing and the insects drone.
The cloaked man loses interest and the child once more takes up his quill.
All is forgotten. Nothing ever happened.
~*~*~*~*~
The day dawns bright and filters through the window in the small attic. The eyes of the small girl flitter open and she yawns. She is still in her mothers arms, but her mother is not yet awake. Intending to wake her, the girl calls out.
“Wake!”
She does not stir. The smile gone, the child reaches up and pinches her mothers cheek. Again, no result. But this time, she was not expecting one. Her mother had never disobeyed her commands before, yet she could feel by the cold skin that her mother would never obey another command ever again.
“Why?” She asks, knowing she will get no answer, but not having fully gripped the concept yet. She has always been with her mother. Has never left her side before. How old is she? She does not know.
Closing her eyes so she does not have to see the face of death, the girl remembers her mothers song. The last verse.
A tear falls down my cheek,
Remembrance of the future brings,
Sad tidings now to all,
As day has come of my downfall.
(Ok, sorry it is a bit confusing and jumps about an awful lot, the DP is what Jalidah should do now (eg, stay at inn? etc.), hope you liked it regardless of the constant jumping ))
~Solus
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Ogden the Octopus has hijacked my avatar image
chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
Last edited by solus.serpen on Mon Jan 01, 2007 11:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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joyfull22
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| Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:37 am Post subject: |
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good chapter!
| Quote: | | Solennia sleeps on a cart |
i thought her name was sellena, or is this someone different?
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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Run away. Just like that.
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solus.serpen
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| Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 11:12 am Post subject: |
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| joyfull22 wrote: | good chapter!
| Quote: | | Solennia sleeps on a cart |
i thought her name was sellena, or is this someone different? |
Ahhhhhhggh! Sorry, I'm forever confusing her name!
I'm writing another sg off IF and I have a girl called Solennia in one of the 'spin-off' threads I made for it, so I keep on mixing them up - they sound too similar .
Ok, I'll go change that, thanks.
What did you think of the chapter?
Did I skip around a bit too much?
~Solus
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Ogden the Octopus has hijacked my avatar image
chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending!
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 10:43 am Post subject: |
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| He should eat and then go to the people whos ent him the note to have his family released. Ask around to find where they are if necessary.
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| What should Jalidah do now? |
| Stay at an inn for a night to recouperate, then head North towards DLOJD and his family? |
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50% |
[ 3 ] |
| Get a meal, but don't stay the night and head to DLOJD and family? |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
| Forget about food and sleep - he needs to get to DLOJD asap - head off straight away. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Go in a totally new direction (please state where/why/stay for food and sleep?)? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, LordoftheNight, Smudger |
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