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Lebrenth
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 Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 8:55 am Post subject: Heroes Never Panic, Part Four. Chapter 22 now up |
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NOTICE, this story is violent and gory
PART FOUR, Chapter 19. Heroes Never Panic
Tiersley stirs with a poisoned fever. No one who lives within, from the child in squalor to the man gloating in his decadence, can escape the nightmares. No longer satisfied to torment the sleeping, the nightmares join their victims at their austere tables, follow them down the dark streets, keep them company when they thought they were alone. Everyone can feel it, the city wailing painful death throes while its people escape like blood spurting from an opened artery. If they could leave faster they would, but the only way out of Tiersley is the train and with so many trying to leave at once, many are willing to kill if it will get them out of Tiersley an hour earlier.
For Gregory Manning, too much has happened to think clearly. In the Cassian Army, he accustomed himself to doing what he was told in these situations. He was trained to ignore the fear and danger and just do what he was ordered to do. It removed doubt from the debate and armed with discipline, he could do things many considered courageous. But now he has to decide for himself what is best and deep in a recess within his chest a terrible horror burns and threatens to spread. And standing over the body of the captain makes his vulnerability more apparent then ever.
He looks so unnatural as he lays on the ground. His face has lost its elasticity and suppleness, deranging like the all too familiar face of a zombie. It’s almost dissimilar enough to convince Manning it must be someone else. The hunter, Breyen, kneels by the corpse looking concerned and ponderous. Manning does not move in his confused moment of mourning, but Breyen clearly continues thinking as though trying to solve a difficult riddle.
“We need an officer’s uniform,” he says, ignorant of Manning’s disposition.
“What for?” Manning asks without accusation.
“I need to bring his body back to his father.”
“General Taggert? Oh yes… yes we need to get him back to his family. His own uniform is upstairs. It’s torn up though, from his discharge….”
“That will work, they won’t ask any questions.”
“The train loaders? Will they take a body?”
“They will if he’s an officer. Get the uniform.”
Breyen and Manning dress the captain in his old uniform. Breyen leaves to arrange transportation, and soon returns and loads the corpse, the whole time without more than a frown. Though Manning’s whole body feels heavier than lead, he rides in the cart with Breyen to the train station with Taggert in a simple rectangular box behind them.
Manning’s head nods, though the jarring of the wheels against the stone streets should keep him awake. He would rather fall and surrender to the promises of sleep, and perhaps it would come to that, but Breyen grabs his shoulder and shakes him gruffly.
“Keep your head up,” he says and laughs a little at his own wit. Manning sits up and takes a deep breath. He has to keep himself together especially now. Despair doesn’t need bullets to kill a man, and he knows it. Manning adjusts his rifle and occupies his mind looking at the houses and the people they pass. Everyone looks furtive, as though each of them were hiding something stolen. But there are certainly less people than he remembers from a few days ago.
“Manning,” Breyen begins, “I’ve been thinking. Perhaps I can get you out of this place.”
“What?” Manning asks, surprised by the offer and the possibility. Breyen does not respond or clarify, in fact it seems he’s not sure he wants to make the offer. He puts on a resolute face, but for what? Manning wakes up with thoughts immediately rising to do battle.
The city becomes a blur as his inner debate continues. I’m not a captain, he thinks to himself. The city could fall any moment, why should I sacrifice myself? But why should I be so special? I’m just a deserter, where do I go? If I run will I just keep running? What about the Warders or the people who will die in my place? Who do I think I am? How many people could honestly be helped if I stayed? Maybe Tiersley won’t be overwhelmed and it doesn’t need my help. I could be an important part of that, maybe get a pardon…. As if I was ever important enough for a pardon… but I could be the leader of the Warders. Maybe we can rethink our strategy! I don’t know!
They arrive at the very tightly crowded train station, the same one Manning came into Tiersley at. He can remember where he saw the Gravediggers and nearby he can see another group of slayers fresh off the train, hoping to get their hands on desperate Tiersleyen money. They step off the cart and Breyen stands before Manning and waits for a response to the offer that was made an hour ago. He says nothing and maintains that resolute countenance.
“Are you sure you can get me out? I’m a deserter,” Manning says carefully.
“I’m sure. I have special privileges as part of my commission. They’ll be in a hurry, they won’t want to argue. If you want out, I can help you. If you like, you can help bring Captain Taggert back. Call it Duty,” he responds, grimacing a little as he says the last sentence….
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Sat Sep 30, 2006 9:30 am; edited 9 times in total
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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Yay yay!!! Good re-introductory chapter! Very very interesting decision point... *scratches noggin*
Now, I would immediately opt for staying. But that might just be me. Let's look at Manning as a character, and his increasingly dire situation.
His character does not strike me as someone who would leave others to their horrific fate. He has only been with the Warders for a short amount of time, but in that time I think they have bonded in the way that only terrible hardship can create. They have fought back to back against unbeatable odds of zombies, and even if he feels no direct loyalty to them, he at least knows the fate that will befall them, and knows that they are good men, who do not deserve it.
The situation in Tiersly only adds to this feeling. I think Manning is the kind of person who would think that any amount of hope is something worth fighting for, and I think that he will find hope for Tiersly, so will want to stay and try and fight for that hope. With the Warders, I think Manning will give Tiersly a fighting chance, so he will stay.
Use what little money/influence they have to ensure Taggert has a proper trip out of the city, and then stay with the Warders, for better or for worse. 
Looking forward to the next chapter! :biggrin:
*holds breath* 
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm with solomon, ensure Taggert has a proper trip out of the city and stay with the Warders.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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Good chapter, Lebs. Very unexpected turn from the personal to the general there. It's nice to see Heroes back and charging ahead
So - suddenly he has the chance to leave. He knows what he wants to do, and he knows what he feels is the right thing to do. Is Manning the sort to go for what's right or what's easier for himself?
The first time we met him, he was backing up his beloved commanding officer, at great personal expense and risk to himself. He's an idealist, of course he'll stay. But maybe there's a chance here. He could stay around the station, recruiting eager new followers to the Wardens, before the two big groups get to them. New blood could revive their fate, easily, as long as wise choices are made by a strong leader 
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| Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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Well, it depends if he has anywhere else to go I think. Family and whatnot. Perhaps he doesn't, as he went with his commander in the first place and I don't recall him saying anything about this. However, it's been a long time...
Maybe he could escort the body home and then decide. He could always come back...
Welcome back Lebs!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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It's good to be back! I feel like Tom Hanks from "Castaway", but in a good way (fortunately, my fiance didn't marry my dentist while I was gone... wait, I don't have a fiance!).
Manning technically has a family he could go back to, but he never felt at home at his home. He joined the military and never looked back. If he left, it would be into uncertain circumstances. Part of the debate is whether launching into the unknown is better than staying in Tiersley. However, he's fairly savvy about Cassia and it's neighboring countries since he's traveled a lot in the military. If he decides to leave Tiersley, he could choose from a few places he's been before, perhaps heard about.
I always enjoy your posts, Stoat. Thinking ahead and expanding the story with active decisions. Whichever choice Manning makes will lead to another evaluation of his options which I'll expand on. I encourage any questions anyone has which will help keep the story interactive. I hope I'll be forgiven for the flat "yea or nay" decision point, but I wanted to make sure everyone knew that they have the power to turn the entire course of the story if they wanted to. I hope the choice, whichever it will be, will make the future of the story more meaningful.
Thanks again for joining the story everyone!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 1:43 pm Post subject: Poll's Up for Heroes Never Panic |
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The options will open up once we get past this question. This will probably be a short poll, but I've said that before. Anyway, I'm eager to continue, and I'll keep the proposed ideas in mind.
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:23 pm Post subject: Heroes Never Panic Chapter |
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Heroes Never Panic, Chapter 20.
“All right,” Manning says, assuring himself that he can still go back after Taggert is buried. Breyen sighs and nods his head. Manning says, “But I’ll need to send a message to the Warders."
“Be swift. I’ll take care of the arrangements and meet you back here. If you’re not here, I’m leaving without you.”
Manning finds a courier and carefully writes a message that he goes to bury the captain. But as his pen hovers over the paper, he hesitates to assure them he will return. If he comes back, he comes back. He signs “G.M.” and hands it back. The courier seals it in an envelope, takes Manning’s money and immediately sends a boy out with the message.
Manning is back well before Breyen, who smiles as he returns and pats Manning on his shoulder. Manning is glad it worked out, but far from smiling.
“How well did you know Captain Taggert?” Manning says without suspicion, but trying to understand Breyen.
“I can’t tell you. Maybe when we’re on the train.”
“Why?” Manning asks, but he gets no response. “How long before the next train?”
“It should be about thirty minutes.”
So they wait. The train station is crowded with worried faces, old and young, men and women. Some of them have lottery style tickets with numbers that could eventually mean life or death. One young child carefully counts three tickets and a little money, a cunning 11-year-old with dirty clothes, he hides the tickets again before scouting around for more careless pockets to steal from.
The train comes in and the crowd simmers with eagerness. Breyen pushes spitefully through the throng till he gets to the front, with Manning looking surprised and apologetic behind him. The two board nearly first and sit in the first seats. They wait through the boarding, which is fast at first, but slows as the lottery is called out. Eventually all are boarded, the train is prepared and they leave the envious and doomed stares of the station.
As before, the iron shutters enclose the cars like blinders on a horse, making Manning wonder if it is truly to stop the undead from getting in or to keep the passengers from panicking? But the thought floats away as Manning falls asleep.
Time passes blissfully by, Manning feels safe in the arms of the speeding train, getting farther and farther from Tiersley. But the Captain keeps wandering through his dreams in different forms… as a valiant leader of the Cassian Army, as the disgraced officer stripped of rank and honor, as the defiant Warder, and as the destroyed hull of a man trying to break out of his coffin.
He dreams that he awakens to the sound of poundings in a car full of chattering people. He stands and searches for the source while everyone chatters ignorantly. He passes between cars into a dark freight car filled with military supplies. There in the middle, a coffin bounces on the floor. Manning stands over it and puts his hands on the lid. It holds still.
“Hey! Get away from him!” Breyen yells loudly and grabs a familiar 11-year-old by the coat. He bolts for the door, leaving Breyen with a dirty coat in his hand, Breyen does not pursue and the kid dives between arms and out the door to the next car. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” Manning says getting a grip on himself. “Where are we?”
“Not far from Haulsted. You were dreaming?”
“Yes. Nightmaring more like.”
“Forget them. There’s enough nightmares while you’re awake.”
“You’re right,” Manning says. Manning picks up the coat Breyen discarded and feels in the pockets, feeling inside he finds a crumpled mess of cash, a few coins and a brass watch. He folds the coat on his lap and feigns disinterest. “You said you were going to tell me how you knew the captain when we were on the train.”
“That’s right. Sorry it’s not going to be a long story, I never met John Taggert.”
“What?”
“No, and I wasn’t just commissioned to investigate Tiersley. I was sent by General John Taggert. I was sent to find his son, and to find out how much trouble he was in.”
“The General…. He won’t be happy about this.”
“The General will insist on seeing his son’s body himself. It will help to have you there to explain how he died.”
“You want me to give General Taggert the news of his son’s death?!”
“I’ll tell him, he’ll expect that, then you tell him how it happened and it will be over.”
“… I see.”
“But don’t tell him about Stanimir’s body.”
“That it animated? Why should that make a difference?”
“It will be easier for him if he thinks his son’s killer is dead.”
“He is dead.”
“He may not see it that way,” Breyen says quickly. Manning stops a moment and wonders if perhaps he shouldn’t think of it the same way. The same body, perhaps the same person, lives in Tiersley in spite of the bullets and blades. Stanimir lives and laughs at their failures even now.
“He’s dead,” Manning says, perhaps to convince himself.
They disembark at Haulsted and Breyen acquires tickets for Brennig free of charge. General Taggert established headquarters for the campaign against Luxor in Brennig, where Manning’s old company is, which has only been missing him for a few days. His name is probably still fresh on the M.E.’s list of deserters, and Manning knows it. He looks at Breyen, who is yet unaware of Manning’s sudden concerns. True, the hunter can get Manning into Brennig, but can he get him out again? Even if he swore he would, there’s no guarantees. And still, does Manning want to meet General Taggert, said to be the most ruthless general in the army? What if he doesn’t like the look of Manning or he’s just in the mood for shooting a deserter out of his anger at his son’s death? The captain didn’t seem to like him. He never even opened that letter his father sent after his dismissal.
Manning looks at the posters on the wall of the station, promising many things: high bounties in Tiersley, prestige in the Cassian Army and Navy, reward for information about the rebels sabotaging military convoys and imperial buildings, high bounty for the werewolf in Haulsted, opportunity for vampire hunters, good salaries for slayers protecting railway workers in the Callinam Mountains, wages for miners and builders and train engineers, and more. There’s so many directions to go. Perhaps he could go home and see if anyone there remembers him.
Breyen excuses himself to use the toilet, and though it wouldn’t be particularly nice, it’s an opportunity to slip away….
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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A very nice chapter lebs.
Well, I think he should go and see the General, even if there is a bit of risk. I mean there is risk in everything! He may have some opportunities for him. If not, he can always come back and look through the job board.
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not sure why he should bother with going to see the General. He'll only be grief stricken at best, slip away and let the other guy tell him. I'm not sure which job loks best though - they're all pretty interesting. High bounty for the werewolf looks the most promising and daring so I'd go with that.
Alternatively he could take a room in the town and let the war pass him by, take up a normal hobby and do nothing - not that I'm seriously pushing this issue at all.
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| Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 5:44 am Post subject: |
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What is the punishment for the deserters?
Also be aware of the jobs, I think they are for the military. If I'm correct then you should avoid it because you still a deserter...
That jobs, are for the army?
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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Punishment for desertion? It often looks like this (minus the caption): http://www.greatwardifferent.com/Great_War/Spies/Spies_00.jpg But actually, most of the jobs are not Cassian military. Many slayers and hunters work independently and all of the posters minus the ones that are very specifically Cassian Army or Navy, are not under direct order of the military (although the military often imposes its will on everyone).
Hi there, Jezsharp! Welcome to the story, hope you enjoy it. Sitting out the war might not be so easy, by the way. Manning is low on cash (he'd be broke if it wasn't for the pickpocket), plus the wars are back to back and often simultaneous. In fact, Cassia is at war with several countries right now (with varying degrees of violence), so one can't really expect the war to stop and calm down (though I know you weren't strongly suggesting that direction, I saw an opportunity to set down some more details and couldn't help myself). But the werewolf reward is quite a nice sum. I'll have a fair number of options for the next poll (probably too many, but we'll see).
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| Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Then it's better to take one of that jobs...
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 8:53 am Post subject: New Poll, new beginning? |
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Poll is up for HEROES NEVER PANIC. (I kept the options small to avoid spreading the votes too thin and not getting a clear majority!)
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| Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:17 pm Post subject: Heroes Never Panic Chapter |
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Heroes Never Panic, Chapter 21
Breyen returns, which settles the matter. There are many paths Manning could take, but he still has unfinished business with the captain, and maybe it will give him peace if he helps lay it all to rest. He does not offer any small talk to Breyen. The hunter looks unsatisfied by the turn of events and restless. He stands up and peruses the same posters Manning read. He stops as he reads the notice of the werewolf in Haulsted, but moves on. He walks the length of the station platform, looking at everyone as though they were criminals and never breaking eye-contact first. After staring down everyone he sits back down with Manning, and waits quietly till the train arrives.
They load quickly and settle in for the long trip to Brennig. Passing the wooded hills, small rivers, and landscapes reminds Manning of a calmer world, and he lets it carry away his troubles for a while, occasionally napping. They pass several cities without stopping and after a few hours, quite suddenly, there is a long row of overturned train cars on the right, laying like a dead snake with no explanation of what happened. Breyen notices the train but sits back with disinterest. Soon Manning can nearly feel his boots crushing the ground like they did when he marched into Luxor. He can see Walden in the distance and a thin trail of smoke from the fires there. He was amongst the first to enter Walden when it surrendered.
In the potholed city of Calso, they take on military passengers, many of them still have bloodstains on their uniforms. Two of them sit near Breyen and Manning. The one looks very healthy, but the other is missing his sleeve and has drying stitches all over his arm. The bandages probably just came off.
“Any news from the front?” Manning asks. The soldiers exchange an annoyed glance.
“We’ve pushed the Luxorn army back to Pilson,” the healthy one says conclusively and considering the conversation over.
“Has Guymoun and Haber joined forces yet?” Manning says.
“… No, I’ve heard Haber is trying to hold us at Pilson while Guymoun joins with Pinaet at Gordan. We think they’re going to make a stand there.”
“Isn’t Dregen still engaged with Guymoun?”
“No, Dregen is holding, but god knows why…. We’re joining the 28th as soon as we can get to them… where are you headed?”
“We’re stopping in Brennig,” Manning says but hesitates to say why and stops. The privates detect the stall and assume it’s classified, though talking to a stranger about troop movements isn’t allowed either, they decide not to pry. They talk about soldiery in general. The stitched man worked artillery and had an explosive shot cannonball go off unexpectedly as it was being loaded. He got away easy, but the man standing in front of him died. The other had a mild case of despuria but was quarantined to make sure it didn’t spread. He feels bitter that he recovered so quickly, though he still loves the army.
The sun burns the horizon when they step off the train into Brennig. The smoldering smoke still hangs in the air, but the fires are out. The city has changed to a prison, and soldiers meet the disembarking passengers immediately. Breyen quickly disarms their suspicion with one piece of paper, and they let them both go without another word. Patrols force the streets to empty at sunset, and the few that remain outside run to get to their homes. Breyen leads the way and Manning stays close. They go to the city hall, a proud building now subjugated, with its statue toppled and its north wing collapsed by artillery. The clock seems to tell the right time however, and in a moment it tolls 8 o’clock, eerily reminding everyone that night has begun.
Inside the well-lit building, they make their way past more guards to a small library. They are announced and soon let in to see the general.
The man shows only aesthetics signs of age, such as his thin grey hair, sagging face and blurry bloodshot eyes, but he stands rigidly and meets them directly with vigor in his step.
“I didn’t expect to see you so soon Master Breyen.”
“I have grave news, esteemed general. I bring you the body of your son.”
There is a frozen moment. The general does not wince or drop his jaw, but stares at Breyen without motion.
“Who is this man with you?”
“His name is Gregory Manning. He was with your son when he died.”
“How did my son meet his end?” the general asks with a fleeting tremble in his voice.
“Valiantly,” Manning says, taking a moment to swallow, “He died in duel with a slayer named Stanimir, a murderer who demanded leadership of the slayers we were associated with. Captain Taggert challenged him.”
“And where is his body?”
“We brought it with us,” Breyen says, “It’s still at the train station.”
“I must see him.”
The general refuses an escort when the guards offer, and the three leave together. The general walks with a face of stone, Manning and Breyen remain grim.
The train station jumps to attention at the general’s arrival, his steps becoming the loudest sound there. The small warehouse doors open and the general stands over the simple coffin.
“Looks like a case of rifles,” he says to himself. “Open it,” he says louder. The nearest soldiers quickly pry open the box with sweat beading on their foreheads. The body of the captain lays stiffly with rigor mortis. A sharp pain pierces Manning’s chest. “Close it,” the general orders plainly. “Your services are no longer needed, Master Breyen.” Breyen bows and steps back. Manning begins to follow. “Just a moment, Master Manning. I want a word with you. In private.”
The soldiers understand and gratefully withdraw, leaving Manning and General Taggert alone in the warehouse. The general turns, the firm setting of his eyes and jaw and mouth showing no sign that the person they belong to is feeling any vulnerability.
“General, I’m at your service,” Manning says, feeling vulnerable enough for both of them. The emotional confusion does not mix well with the intensity of the general.
“You must have known my son well or you wouldn’t have come. I would like to know more, would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner?”
“Certainly, sir,” he says, fearful of appearing contrary.
“Thank you. Now leave me, and tell them on your way out that I do not wish to be disturbed. I will be out shortly.”
Manning does as instructed. The soldiers outside the warehouse are glad to wait, rather than be with the general and his dead son. The wait is agonizing for Manning, like it was when he first came to this station to join the captain a few days ago. Breyen approaches him before the general comes out.
“Here,” Breyen says, handing him a ticket. “It will get you to Caroway. You’re on your own from there.”
“When are you leaving?” Manning says.
“The next train is boarding now. But the ticket’s good through tomorrow.”
“Wait, I need your help getting out! I’m still a deserter.”
“I’m leaving now.”
“The general has asked me to dinner.”
“Tell him you’re needed elsewhere, or better yet, just leave. You’re the least of his problems.”
A shot explodes from inside the warehouse, and the soldiers open the doors in horror. Manning’s frightened curiosity pushes him into the warehouse, where the general stands with a revolver in his hand.
“I said I didn’t wish to be disturbed!” he yells his hand clenching the pistol tightly. The soldiers back off and so does Manning, but he sees a hole blasted through the coffin.
“What was it?” Breyen asks.
“… He shot his son’s body.”
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 11:32 am Post subject: HNP |
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The DP is essentially whether or not to join the General for dinner or skip out on him to catch the train with Breyen. Perhaps the decision seems too simple?
I won't beg, but I don't mind splashing in the water a bit to get attention. Has it really been so long? Have all my readers perished?
I'll put up the poll. It's pretty much one or the other, anyway, I've got a story to write.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:28 am; edited 1 time in total
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Lebrenth
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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I hadn't realized you'd already put up three new chapters! Where've I been?
Anyway, it's great to be back with this story, which I love. I think that despite the risk of staying, there may be greater opportunities to be had from the General, and we ought to stay. Besides, I want to know why he shot the body. Was it simply anger, or is there more going on? What if it ties into your dream somehow...
Looking forward to the next chapter!
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Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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| Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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Wuh?  I missed this chapter!
I must assume he has shot the body because either it 'woke up' or he was just being sure. Nothing to panic about. Go and have a lovely dinner!
'ted.
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| Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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I figure we have a better chance of surviving if we leave now. General Taggert doesn't seem very stable at the moment, and Manning's relationship with his son might affect him negatively. Plus the fact that Manning is a deserter...it won't be nice if Taggert finds out.
I like your style, lebrenth. It is fast-paced, interesting, and refreshing. They only thing I lament is the brevity of the chapters, although that adds to the effect as well. As long you produce short chapters, but in quantity, its ok.
Maybe your greatest problem is to work the decision points into the story. It must be especially hard to put a decision point after such a short chapters.
Also, do you have semi-clear idea of where everything is leading? Now that only Manning remains, it seems like the lone ranger is going to start out for an adventure all over again.
Well, anyway, I like it in general.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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| Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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It seems to me that the General was doing the right thing for his son. After all, he knew that Taggert had been in Tiersley from what the others said. Tiersley - the place with the huge undead problem. That means corpses getting up and moving around? Who would want that for their son?
Perhaps the bullet was to ensure that his son remained honourably dead - and perhaps it was the General's painful duty to stop this undead infection from spreading to new lands?
I'd say stay to dinner. I doubt he's going to shoot us 
EDIT: This forum doesn't seem to be earning fables. It happened to one of my stories when it came off hiatus too. If anyone's upset by it, call for an admin to sort it out
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:21 am Post subject: |
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I'm so glad to see you, Shady! I wondered where you went. I'll have to figure out that Fables problem. I'm all right if I don't get fables for my own writing, but I'd hate to deprive everyone who comments.
And very nice to see you, D-Lotus. Do you really think 1200 words is a short chapter? I've always been careful to keep the word count down, but I thought it was an average sized chapter, at least. Anyway, I usually have 4 chapters a month, so I do keep up the pace. Perhaps I'll try longer chapters anyway.... I just hate taking control of the story away from the participants. And as far as having an idea where to go with the story, I have many ideas where the story could go, but I'm not interested in funneling into a specific direction. If the everyone wants to start a new adventure, so be it. It's their story. And meanwhile, I get surprised and feel like I'm on an adventure too. I love storygames.
Perhaps I was too hasty to think the story was abandoned. I'm glad we can continue.... In fact, it might be time for another chapter.
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| Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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Yay! Don't give it up Lebs, if you keep going more people will join in.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Tiersley - the place with the huge undead problem. |
Ah, yes. Perhaps because I hadn't been following the story carefully until Part 4 I got somewhat beffudled. I guess you're right about the General's motives, but its too late to take back my vote.
Also- only because of the characteristics of a storygame, it doesn't mean that your story can't have a definite purpose. Storygaming distorts everything, but a story without a plot and without two or three possible endings is of no value. What use is it to tell the story that never ends? (Or when it ends, it does so abruptly and without a smooth relay).
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 12:28 pm Post subject: |
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| D-Lotus wrote: | | Also- only because of the characteristics of a storygame, it doesn't mean that your story can't have a definite purpose. Storygaming distorts everything, but a story without a plot and without two or three possible endings is of no value. What use is it to tell the story that never ends? (Or when it ends, it does so abruptly and without a smooth relay). |
Anytime an author is ready to end a storygame, they can write a chapter of whatever length they please and tie up all the loose ends however they feel it should be done. The trick is making it a meaningful ending, and it won't be half as meaningful to the readers if they don't feel their actions played a part in the ending. Delineating a theme is important, regardless of the participants, but I feel capable of making a theme without forcing a direction. If Manning does go on a new adventure, it doesn't mean the story is over. The character remembers what happened and carries those memories and their impact with him. He's already had a nightmare to show its effect. That element will tie the story together regardless of where he goes, and that's not the only way it could be done. It could come in the form of an old friend he thought he wouldn't see again, or if he found himself in a situation that reminds him of something the Captain said: "Heroes Never Panic". And the story is coherent. I don't think it's the participants job to follow the theme. If they want to, because they're intrigued by it, good; the author is doing his job well.
It's nice to debate with you D-Lotus.
Another chapter is on its way. I've been busy with "The Fabled Island" but I'll have some time to work on both soon. Thanks everyone for coming back to see what I was up to .
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| Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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You've got some valid points there, leb.
| Quote: | | That element will tie the story together regardless of where he goes, and that's not the only way it could be done. It could come in the form of an old friend he thought he wouldn't see again, or if he found himself in a situation that reminds him of something the Captain said: "Heroes Never Panic". And the story is coherent. |
But then you are following a plot line. Although its not defined, there's a vague sense of the possibilities, and I consider that to be a plot.
| Quote: | | I don't think it's the participants job to follow the theme. |
True, but I think that it is the author's job not to abandon it completely so that the story won't ramble on meaninglessly.
| Quote: | | Delineating a theme is important, regardless of the participants, but I feel capable of making a theme without forcing a direction. |
I see, and I agree. Good point. I think it ties in to what I just said above.
| Quote: | | The trick is making it a meaningful ending, and it won't be half as meaningful to the readers if they don't feel their actions played a part in the ending. |
This is extremely hard to do. If you do it, I shall laureate you!
| Quote: | | If Manning does go on a new adventure, it doesn't mean the story is over. |
I never said it would be over. That's exactly the problem. If you have absolutely no clue of what he's going to ultimately do, then the story will continue on and on.
I think what I'm trying to say is that you can't have a story without a story.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:31 am Post subject: |
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| D-Lotus wrote: | | I think what I'm trying to say is that you can't have a story without a story. |
Then we agree . I'll try not to disappoint you. I love laurels.
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| Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 10:52 am Post subject: |
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It seems incredible that so many people have arguments over nothing!
Well, I better go off to get that laurel ready for you- because I know you're going to write another great chapter!
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| Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:18 pm Post subject: Heroes Never Panic Chapter |
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Chapter 22 of “Heroes Never Panic”
“He shot the captain?” Breyen asks.
“Yeah, there was bullet hole in it,” Manning responds drearily.
“… He must have been animating.”
“… Yeah, I suppose he was….”
“The train’s leaving. Are you coming?”
“… No. Thank you for your help, Breyen. I hope we meet again.”
“Good luck kid.”
Breyen steps into the train and Manning goes back to see the coffin, but he’s stopped by a guard.
“That’s my captain. I just want to see him.”
“I can’t,” the guard says gently. “The general is still in there.”
“What is he doing? Is he shooting his son again?”
“You’ll just have to wait,” the guard defends.
Manning finds the bench where he waited with the captain when he first deserted. He can almost see the captain sitting with him. The train is still waiting for some reason, when four M.E.’s walk onto the platform, pistols drawn. They spread out and board the train, Manning begins to nod off.
A gunshot screams through one of the cars and soon someone runs out from the train.
“Collin?” Manning says aloud. His former comrade looks up at the mention of his name and quickly turns around. “No wait! It’s me!” he says. He must be deserting, Manning thinks. He’s got to help him somehow. It’s what the Captain would do… what the Captain did do, right there at that station. “No, over here Collin!”
An M.E. jumps off the train and cuts Collin off. He turns around again, but there’s already several guards from the train station cutting him off. Manning runs to meet them as Collin raises his hands in surrender. Collin’s wide eyes become puzzled as they finally recognize Manning.
“What’s going on here?” The general barks as he leaves the warehouse.
“It’s just a deserter sir,” a military enforcer says, “We’re taking him in now.”
“Shoot him,” the general says dismissively.
“Yes sir,” they respond, putting him roughly against a wall.
“Are you ready Master Manning?” the general continues as M.E.’s take aim.
“Manning!” Collin calls out, “Help me!”
Manning flinches as the shots blare and Collin collapses. The lieutenant M.E. looks at Manning, realizing who Collin was calling for, but as the general takes Manning by the shoulder to lead him off the platform, the lieutenant puts his gun away.
“Did you know him?” General Taggert asks.
“I served with him,” Manning says.
“In the Army?”
“Yes… I was discharged for injuries…. They didn’t think I would recover.”
“What kind of injury?” the general asks casually.
“Leg wound, sir.”
“You seem to walk fine. Perhaps you should consider rejoining.”
“Perhaps I should.”
“What rank did you acquire?”
“I was only a private.”
“The strength of Cassia is the strength of its fighting men. There’s no dishonor in that.”
“Yes sir.”
“You said you served with my son?”
“Yes I did.”
“In the Army?”
“… No sir… I only met him in Tiersley, but I grew to know him very quickly,” Manning lies, feeling that his tongue could quickly become a noose.
“I thought you said he was your captain.”
“It was his nickname in Tiersley… perhaps I mistakenly said something wrong.”
“Yes of course,” the general concludes. They return to the city hall, each in deep thought. Manning tries not to think about Collin, but with no success.
The dining hall is small but each step still resonates like a drum. The dark wood table is traditional, with a plate and setting on each end and two at the middle to the right side. A tall servant in a white wig bows to each of them and goes to retrieve dinner. Taggert sits and unfolds his napkin. Manning walks to the other end by a grumbling fireplace and realizes how hot the room already is. He sits on the warm chair and tries to scoot his chair forward but the chair won’t move, it’s been nailed down. The door opens and two children, a boy and girl, step in with a servant close behind. They look up at the general, who nods, before they sit down. They’re carefully and lavishly dressed. The boy itches his head under his small wig, reminding Manning of the times he was dressed up to satisfy the expectations of his mother’s new husband. They sit completely motionless and say nothing. Manning does the same.
The servant returns and serves bowls of soup. Manning sees the steam streaming off of it and tests it carefully to find it scalding hot. The children do not reach out for their soup, but their eyes glisten with hunger. The general waits till the servant takes his own spoon and tastes the scalding soup. He does not wince for a moment, then he goes to Manning’s bowl and does the same again. The servant stands for a moment. Then Taggert smiles and scoops the soup up. The children blow on their spoons as politely as they can. Manning tries to pull the plate with the soup forward, but the plate will not move. It seems to have been pasted so that it could not move either.
Manning doesn’t dare touch the soup and it isn’t cooling very fast near the fire. The children have only taken two or so sips by the time the general is finished.
“Do you not care for soup?” Taggert inquires with an eye of suspicion.
“I do, but it is a little hot.”
“I suppose you’d rather have it ice cold,” he says with a pause for response. “Heat keeps it pure, good for the body and spirit.”
“I see,” Manning says, the spoon burning his fingers as he picks it up to appear agreeable. He swallows a sizzling sip that scorches his tongue and throat. He sits in his sweat and waits for something to drink, which soon comes in the form of wine. The servant takes the soup and serves him from a trolley. He artfully arranges slices of ham, beets, and some green mixture that Manning doesn’t recognize. It’s hot, but digestible.
“Who are our younger company?” Manning says.
“They’re war orphans,” the general says without flavor, “I don’t know their names.”
Manning certainly has no response to that. He focuses on his meal instead. Fresh hot meal can be hard to find. It is welcome, even with such strange company. The general grows annoyed for no apparent reason. He takes it out on the ham, eating barbarically.
“Kent!” the general yells though ‘Kent’ is only a few feet away. “We’re done.”
The children pull away from their plates as though slapped. The servant scoops everything up, the general scowls. He stands the marches across to Manning. He offers a hand up. Manning’s hand collapses under the grip and he’s pushed out of the dining hall as though he was a prisoner. The general cranks the doorknob of the library and holds it open for Manning, who still can’t decide if the old man is crazy or angry.
They enters and the door bangs.
“I want to know everything!” Taggert orders fiercely as he paces with his eyes pinned to Manning.
“He was killed in a duel! What do you want to know?”
“Who killed him!? What’s his name!?”
“Stanimir, a slayer. He wanted control, the captain wouldn’t have it.”
“Is he still alive?”
“No, he’s dead. I shot him.”
“What was done with his body?” Manning stumbles in panic and the general presses in. “Where is his body!?”
“I don’t know,” Manning stutters. The general seizes his neck. Manning resists but the old hands have monstrous strength.
“Tell me!”
“It’s gone!” Manning chokes out, Taggert’s grip slightly loosens. “I think it animated.”
Taggert releases. He slaps Manning, nearly knocking him to the floor. He retreats, gasping. Taggart draws his revolver.
“Do you want to kill me?” General Taggert says darkly.
“No. I just wanted to bring the captain back. I have, now if you please I would like to go.”
“No. You’re going to take me to Tiersley.”
“It’s not safe, sir. There’s nothing left of your son’s murderer but a rotting husk. It will do no good.”
“You’re taking me to Tiersley.”
“What about your son’s body?”
“My son will not be put in the soil before the man who killed him,” he says then points the gun at Manning emphatically, “You will stay here while I arrange for our departure. Throw down your weapons.”
Manning complies, there doesn’t seem to be a choice. Taggert collects the sword and rifle and backs out of the room. The clink of keys is followed by the sound of the shifting deadbolt. Outside he hears,
“Make sure the man inside does not leave the room before I return.”
Once the footsteps of the general are gone, Manning begins looking around. The desk is locked and the window is black with night, making it difficult to know how far the drop would be and what he would land on, besides, unless he wants to be a fugitive again, there’s nothing to do but sit and wait.
Several hours pass, Manning naps away some of it, but his sleep is disturbed with more nightmares of a restless Captain Taggert. Boots step across the hall outside the door. They stop at the door, there is some muttering, then the door opens and two M.E.’s step in with pistols.
“General Taggert has sent for you.”
At gunpoint, they shackle his wrists and escort him out. It’s perhaps 3 in the morning and the train station has a strong presence of soldiers, perhaps 300 of them and all of them standing at attention. Soon Manning is back on a train with General Taggert. They sit across from each other with an M.E. on either side of Manning. The general seems calm.
“Those won’t be necessary,” the general says. The M.E.’s quickly takes the iron cuffs off of Manning. “Nor will you be necessary,” he says when they’re done. “Empty the car.”
The M.E.’s carry out their orders and it’s Manning and Taggert alone again. Taggert hands back Manning’s weapons.
“You’ll need those when we get there.”
“You’re going too far.”
“Tiersley been a concern of mine for a while. It’s serendipity, son.”
Manning reflects on the wording but concludes there was nothing to it.
“Is the captain going home?”
“He’s on this train. We’ll take care of him when this mess is sorted out. Only way he’ll rest easy.”
The train rumbles rhythmically, calmly. The general’s wrinkles seem deeper, his eyes heavy and filled with deep sadness. Manning’s emotion has burned out, leaving him empty.
“My son was a good man,” the general says. “I was proud of him. He must have inherited my temperament to lose his grip so badly in a single night. He had a brilliant career ahead of him. He could have been a general…. I tried to prepare him. I always told him to be brave, to keep his composure when his life was threatened. It seems I failed him.”
“He wasn’t a coward,” Manning says, a small flame of indignation reigniting.
“I didn’t say he was,” the general returns harshly. “It only takes a moment of panic to lose everything.”
“Panic? Captain Taggert was the strongest man I’ve ever known. He didn’t run away from the Army, he stood up to it! He gave it all up because he was a good man! He wouldn’t lower himself to your level!”
“That’s enough! Sit down Manning. I didn’t expect a private to understand, but I thought you’d be intelligent enough to know when to stand down.”
Manning sits down, hardly realizing he stood up in the first place. Taggert glares immovably. Manning turns his head and hopes the journey passes quickly before he kills the old man.
The train ploughs through the night, cutting across the land, through cities, then sharply turning toward Tiersley. The general must have had good connections to pass through so quickly without giving any notice. Perhaps a protocol was in place in case of emergency. The rushing train cleaves through corpses, lost and wandering the train tracks, as it makes the final stretch into Tiersley. Manning does not need to see to know he’s back. The besieged city is another recurring nightmare that he can easily recognize now.
The cold air bites Manning’s face as he steps out. The station is fuller now than it was when he left. Soldiers of Tiersley and Taggert’s men force the mob back at gunpoint, each of them afraid of what they might have to do, and knowing that if the mob is determined enough, one volley will not stop them.
“What’s happening here?” Manning asks a Tiersleyen soldier.
“The walls been breached. The undead are in the Baron District.”
“General!” Manning calls out, Taggert turns his attention directly. “They’re in the city!”
“I knew that before we left Brennig.”
“They’re in the Baron District.”
“No, we’re taking care of Stanimir first!”
“But I don’t know where he is!”
“You’ll take me as close as you can or I swear you’ll die here in the street!”
Taggert’s forces push through, but the train is soon full beyond standing room, with people hanging onto anything they can. The Tiersleyen guard abandon their efforts and join with Taggert. With all the pushing and confusion, Manning gets separated from the others just long enough… that if he keeps his head low, there’s no way they could find him before he slipped away…. But is that what he wants?
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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All right, I need some feedback. That was a lot longer chapter than usual. Do we think longer chapters are a good idea?
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| Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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I think that was a pretty good length chapter.
I'm not sure what to do. Right now, the General is crazy, and I don't trust him. But it doesn't seem Manning has much more to do...
Maybe he could attempt to join one of the big gangs (The skulls, was it?) in search of refuge. They'll be working hard now to fight the undead, so they'll readily accept new recruits.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Lebrenth
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JezSharp
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| Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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| umm...I'd get away as quickly as possible. The general seems a little crazed, I'd try to slip back out onto the train and get out of Brennig asap. Failing that I f5 D-Lotus...althougth i there's a railway track couldn't he just walk along it and away from the city?
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jnmrcs
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:16 am Post subject: |
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| What??? Come on people. What about revenge? I know he is crazy but at least he will help you to revenge the captain. That's my opinion, go with the crazy general to find revenge (or death, the first one in arrive).
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 4:16 am Post subject: |
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Yes, I think staying with the general is the safest option. He seems to have influence, and even if you lose him now, he could well track you down later.
Stay with him now, and help find Stanmir.
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Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:50 am Post subject: Poll's Up for Heroes Never Panic |
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Thanks everyone! Poll's up!
| JezSharp wrote: | | umm...I'd get away as quickly as possible. The general seems a little crazed, I'd try to slip back out onto the train and get out of Brennig asap. Failing that I f5 D-Lotus...althougth i there's a railway track couldn't he just walk along it and away from the city? |
Manning isn't in Brennig anymore, he's back in Tiersley. He could conceivably get back on the train if he fights through the crowd, since the station is in chaos. He couldn't however, merely walk the train tracks. The city is surrounded by the undead, especially now. It isn't impossible to get out on foot, but it might as well be.
And Revenge is definitely on the poll.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:14 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, there's a chance the general will track you down, but in this chaotic city, I think we have a good chance of escaping his clutch.
| Quote: | | Breyen excuses himself to use the toilet, and though it wouldn’t be particularly nice, it’s an opportunity to slip away…. |
This is the end of Ch 20.
| Quote: | | With all the pushing and confusion, Manning gets separated from the others just long enough… that if he keeps his head low, there’s no way they could find him before he slipped away…. But is that what he wants? |
And this is the end of the current chapter. Obviously, some similarities. In both occasions, Manning has just gotten off the train, and in both cases he is given the chance to slip away.
Is this some sort of hinting parallel that gives a clue to the story? If it is, I have no clue what it means, but I must congratulate you on being so tricky.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 4:03 pm Post subject: |
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No, I wasn't saying he'd track him down immediately or anything. Eventually he'd find him, and the General seems the slightly psychotic sort who wouldn't rest until he did.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | And this is the end of the current chapter. Obviously, some similarities. In both occasions, Manning has just gotten off the train, and in both cases he is given the chance to slip away.
Is this some sort of hinting parallel that gives a clue to the story? If it is, I have no clue what it means, but I must congratulate you on being so tricky. |
What? Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt, but as I see it, the best place to lose someone in these cities is a train station. Lot's of people coming and going... it doesn't get more crowded and complicated without an undead swarm (and Manning hasn't had one handy yet).
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, sorry. I over-analyzed.
I guess I then have to come to the conclusion that you are a boor without any imagination who always uses the same plot scenes.
Anyway, I voted for going with the slayers. Nothing to lose.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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| Tiersley imperiled |
| Go with the General and avenge Captain Taggert |
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80% |
[ 4 ] |
| Get away from the General, find the Warders |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Get back on the train |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Join the first big group of slayers you encounter |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 5 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, dragon_fire372, jnmrcs, LordoftheNight |
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