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Liana
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 Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:12 pm Post subject: Drama High: CHAPTER 7!!!!!!!! |
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taken for editing
Last edited by Liana on Thu Dec 23, 2010 9:37 am; edited 10 times in total
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Liana
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:36 pm Post subject: Chapter 1: the drama begins...... |
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editing
Last edited by Liana on Thu Dec 23, 2010 9:37 am; edited 6 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:18 am Post subject: |
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Well written and totally, like, shocking. 
I assume the DP is what you do next?
Well, you can either storm up and bitchslap them both, or pretend you didn't see anything and plot evil vengence. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
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Liana
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:38 am Post subject: |
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| you read my mind China. I'm gonna wait a bit and see what others have to say but you were right. That's exactly what I had in mind.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:36 am Post subject: |
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Great story, it brings memories back... 
I say confront the bi** and your soon to be 'ex' boyfriend. 
This story really fits in with the name.
Keep at it and it'll be promoted.
nightshade. 
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Go for the bitch slap.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | Well written and totally, like, shocking.
I assume the DP is what you do next?
Well, you can either storm up and bitchslap them both, or pretend you didn't see anything and plot evil vengence. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
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I'm disappointed in you China. Obviously the best plan is to 'accidently' walk in on them, and then pretend you had a thing for Maddy all along. Get them drunk, get something started...
...then take pictures and leave. Blackmail material is always worth the effort.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:15 pm Post subject: |
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Yo, nice story. I like the flow, really. Although that's all there is to it in a story like this. But I like it, seriously- It kinda reminds me of some Kalanna style.
| Quote: | | ...then take pictures and leave. Blackmail material is always worth the effort |
It says in the story that the character is 'under the radar', not completely weird and excessively cruel.
Although I'd like to F5 Lily, I think the character would probably shriek, run away, and cry.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: |
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I like stories about screwed up high schools although yours is a little more conventional than mine...I mean at least the main character is a real student...
As for what she should do...well turn about's fair play and payback is a bitch.
I suggest walking up to him and with a cold smile on her face and playing like she knew he was cheating all the long...but only wanted to catch him at it.
Drop a few hints you've got another prospect all lined up while your at it...
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dinranwen
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| Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:19 pm Post subject: |
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Perfectly lovely Liania...Perfectly Lovely. Chinaren's right, this story is written well on all accounts. Good character potrayal, Good Setting, Good Written Illustration, and so far a good plot. Keep it Up!
Strangly, this reminds me of my High School *looks dreamy* although I don't why.
Having no good ideas of my own, I'll set around and wait for a poll.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 4:00 am Post subject: |
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AH. I say plot revenge. I t sounds so cool, make it funny. Like sticking their pictures on fat people... Or something funny, but I dont know how. I'll come back with stuff, just not lordly's seggestion abiout get something started, or wait plot revenge, let the guy cheat on her or let them fight.
nightshade
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Liana
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| Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 10:54 am Post subject: |
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| Nice, from the looks of it, it's unanimous. Everyone wants Lisi to sneak away and plot revenge. Ok then dear readers, I'm up for suggestions on revenge. Scheme away!
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| Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 2:56 pm Post subject: |
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Dang it! I wanted some right away action, but I'm sure this story will have other types of...action.
Waiting for the next chappy.
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Liana
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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| ok......poll is closed. I'll get the next chappy up soon.
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Sasuke
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| AWESOMENESS, in forte Lia. (I have no Idea why I said that it's a me thing I suppose) but since you've got a poll already that's all I can say for awhile
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:00 pm Post subject: |
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| A great start, Liana! Looking forward to seeing how this will develop...
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Liana
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 5:01 pm Post subject: Chpater two |
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editing
Last edited by Liana on Thu Dec 23, 2010 9:38 am; edited 9 times in total
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Lilith
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Sasuke
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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oooh if i'm correct this will lead up to you're great revenge *schemes* well i'm once again hoping I don't end up like most guys *defying fate is hard, but hey thats why I'm a half-dragon* and now, I say, Let there be evilness abound.
Thank you, and good night.
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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Wonderful Liana absulutaly wonderful. It cought my attention once again. *looks about* bullsharks! where?
O but ofcourse my mind could make brain storming too... mmmm. very great liana and well put, quite funny what your charrecter said about sucking dace. LOL
I shall see I shall see- har har. Now To the plot and to the hospital, just hope he doesn't show up...
Give you any ideas
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:43 am Post subject: |
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Great dialogue, but I found this chapter a bit rushed, it was missing a description of the surroundings. This could be fleshed out a bit more with describing the scene, expressions on faces, and so on, to bring on more life.
Otherwise, good stuff!
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Liana
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Is that any better CF? I tried.....
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Hey I think it is great man. I didn't mind on the seroundings because this is more focused upon feelings and poeple, expressions now that might be missing but I think It is great Liana.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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That is better!
The DP is not clear, though... there is only one real suggestion so far, and I cannot come up with any. You need to help your readers out at the end of each chapter, asking for suggestions. This guidance was also missing from your previous chapter too, we had to guess what the DP might be. This is something that a storygame might fail a review on. 
Add a DP to your chapter, (e.g., what will happen next? or what will the character do? Maybe add a few options yourself. Check out a couple of other SG's for some examples of DPs at the end of the chapters.)
It might be a good idea to repeat the DP again as a new post, (as a few posts have been added now and people might not see your edit)
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Liana
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| Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Ok all....... what is Evey going to do? Plot away dear readers.
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Lilith
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Liana
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:11 am Post subject: |
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| that's a solid idea Lily........any others?
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Amichan
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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The evil plots are good but what if Evey found some one for Lisi to parade in front of Rob and Maddie but have it where under the surface over time Lisi actually starts having feelings for this other guy that way not only will the damage be less on Lisi but it will help her plot her revenge on Rob and it will give her an extra person to help pull it off. just an idea though
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Lilith
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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Just goes to show that great minds can and so sometimes think alike *wink*
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Liana
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I like it guys...... Lisi could tell maddy's boyfriend about the cheating and they could hook up to get back at them. then they could develope feelings for each other. but what about Evey?
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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Perhaps Evey has an old score to settle with Lisi.
Having already posed as Lisi and spoiled things with Rob, (causing him to move on to Maddy) she's going to stir it up about some past incident, combine it with the current situation and make matters worse for Lisi, whilst all the while acting the innocent party.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 6:56 am Post subject: |
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I don't know... i guess the friends backstabbing thing i guess is a bit farfaethched since evey is supposed to be helping Lisi out with her problems with Rob so i guess it could work but that might take Evey a bit out of character
note i wrote this on no sleep friday so if it doesn't make sense talk to me saturday ...
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Lilith
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Liana
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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| my poor innocent story is being corrupted..........just kidding. well I guess I'm gonna put a poll up soon. Crunchy, could you explain your idea a bit more? I don't if it's the lack of sleep catching up with me or what but I didn't quite understand it. Sorry I'm a bit dim at the moment..........I need sleep!!!!!
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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*off topic to lilith that's what happens when you drink a 2 ltr of vault before work *
Crunchy's idea is good it's what i like to call the "Mean girls" move tir up drama and then sit back and enjoy the show as if you had nothing to do with it and i guess lilith is right we're talking high school so... i guess a little mean girls dash into the story might be fun to see
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 4:30 am Post subject: |
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Personally, i would think this is hte time to reveal the big Family Secret of (insert plot device)!
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