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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 9:43 pm Post subject: Once Upon a Home, Poll/Restart. |
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Chapter One
Lily gazed upon the vast, wide, steep plains, the small village that was her goal barely visible. Around her were round looping hills. The grass upon as such was green, yellow, and all the shades in-between. She was a bit irritated that it took so much effort to get to such a small village. Her feet wanted so badly to go way to far to left, where a forest was.
The forest to her far left was vivid green, and started off thin, a few trees here and there. Then it got thicker, and the trees grew closer together, shadowing the ground. She couldn't help but wonder why her feet seemed sure that that was the normal path, when this was the easier one for those not good with directions. The one for people who'd never been there before. I have been there before though, just when I was really little.
She had grown up in a forest a great distance away, different from the one to her left, but it had never truly felt like home. It's had homes built into trees, homes layered upon homes, homes in every manner of forms, except simple square houses with one or two floors. All the people had been stuffy and none had showed genuine caring.
She suddenly stopped. Why did she want those things so badly? She'd never seen them. Or- was it possible that's what her life had been like at the village? Hoping it was as such, she returned her downward descent. The village slowly getting larger, and closer.
As she treaded carefully down the treacherous hills, she was again reminded of her constant and
ravenous hunger. If only she hadn't been so hasty, then she would have had enough food to last her the trip. In her mind, she was eating more of the deep fried food cook would sneak her. Oh man, how she missed that food. She didn't, however, miss the fancy 'appropriate for your station' food. Oy vei, that was the one thing she couldn't stand.
As she had traveled, her last conversation with the man she'd called 'father', had rung
loudly and persistently in her ears. She'd grown up, mostly, without ever doubting what she'd been told. She always trusted and hung on every word that came out of anyone's mouth. Big mistake, as she'd recently learned.
"Lily"
Lily looked up from her book at the voice. It belonged to Ms. Prev, who'd once been her nanny, and now was the housekeeper. She was an elderly woman with graying hair, and an eternal smile. The instant Lily saw the grim expression n her face, she rushed off the bed, book already long forgotten.
She ran down the paneled hallways‘, her feet pounded loudly on the floor. For a brief moment, she remembered Father's rule. No running in the hallway. Then she remembered the look on Ms. Prev's face, and just ran faster.
"Father?!"
It was a yell, strictly forbidden, but the instant she saw his face, she knew why everyone has been so withdrawn. His bright tanned face was ashen pale, and his hair had lost it's trademark luster. He was dying. She rushed forward when he made a wave of his hand, and fell to her knees by the bed. The tears had already begun falling when he smoothed back.
"Young one, I have much to tell you in little time."
Wide eyed, she looked at her father. He'd always been a big presence, always seeming to take up the whole room. Seeing him like this. . .it was nerve-wracking. She clutched at his hand and nodded, holding tightly as he began his tale.
"You, and everyone else, have been told that you are from my own blood. In honesty, that is not true. I took you when you were very young, 11 years ago, because I wanted your smile for my own. I was a very corrupted man then, I truly believed that since I would go to hell anyway, I should be entitled to some happiness. Having seen you grown up so wonderfully, I feel as if I may get another chance. You come from a small town hidden in Locks Valley, a few meters away from the Lumor Forest. It should be visible if you get there. I don't know anything else. Wait- there is one-"
With that, he burst into coughing, and everyone rushed into the room, just in time to watch him die. She blinked, completely numb. She stood and walked from he room, slipping into the cold emotionless mask that the man she'd thought to be her father had made for her as he raised her.
Hefting her large gray pack higher up on her back, she wondered annoyingly how she could have
been so deceived. Trevus had been dark-toned, with curly black locks. He'd been huge, a tall imposing monster. He'd always been able to deceive someone easily. Her mouth twisted into a grim smile. Apparently, he'd been better at that then she thought. His eyes had always been blank green slates, staring right through some people.
Lily herself had a moon-pale complexion that would never, no matter how hard she tried, tan, and had stick-straight blond hair. Her figure was small and curvy, unlike his sharp angles. She'd tried her best never to impose, and to always help others, and tell the truth. She remembered his eyes, and with that, recalled her own blue ones. He'd always said they twinkled like stars in the sky, no matter her emotions.
Sighing, she wished he had out-and-out told her the truth before he'd been on his death bed. Why couldn't he have just told her before that? So that he could tell others, or. . .tell her that thing he'd been trying to say when he died. He'd been a noble in the village where they lived, one who had a taste for women. No one had been surprised, according to her nanny, when a baby suddenly showed up, the only surprise was that he kept the baby. Apparently, no one expected him to take responsibility, not when he'd done that so little in his life.
He seemed to had grown to love her, or at least loved what having a beautiful daughter did to his
reputation. He really had enjoyed the thought of marrying her off to some other lord. Then he'd had a heart
attack, and told her the truth. His sudden death had affected all rather harshly, but his will had been generous, a great surprise to those who truly knew him.
Since he told her when he did, and hadn't told any others, she'd had to sneak off, and find her real family on her own. She couldn't bring herself to pretend he was still her father around the others. That was deceitful, something in his nature, not hers.
The guards had tried to stop her, because they hadn't been told. Her father had told her, and her alone. It was much to disgraceful to admit he'd kidnapped and raised a child that wasn't his own. Oh no, couldn't sully the name. The name was much more important then her getting to her real home.
The sun burned her cheeks, and she glanced sadly at the noon-time sky. Had she packed enough
food, instead of grumbling in an unladylike manner, she could have been eat lunch, any sort of lunch, right now. Nope, she'd had to have been to busy making sure she was holding neither a grudge nor any other emotion towards him. Sighing, she kept moving, unaware of the unsteady treading where she was heading.
Lily's foot set down on some loose rocks, and when they moved, so did she. She way rolling and falling down the hill. The pain rushed through her arms and legs. As she went, she banged her elbow on something, and resisted yelling a curse. When she finally came to a stop, her hair was out of her pony-tail, and hung in front of her eyes. Her elbow was gushing like a river, and her face had smudges of both dirt and blood across her slightly sun-burned cheeks.
In front of her was the village, and there stood a young woman who had the same appearance, moon-pale skin and blond stick straight hair alike, as Lily. The entire village had just frozen when she came down, some people were even still holding a drink to their lips. The girl in front of her held the same amazed expression as Lily.
In an instant, the sweet memories of her childhood flooded back into her brain. She remembered in
a rush, all her older brothers and sisters, all her friends, her parents, and she remembered her beloved twin. .
She remembered all the times they had jumped around in the hills, all the times they had giggled late at night
when they thought Mum and Daddy couldn't hear. She remembered all the things they had known about
each other, that only they had known.
Without a moments notice, she wanted to throw her arms around the bewildered girl, and just hold
on. Lily longed to have the lost time back, longed to have grown up with her sister for more then just a few
years. So, giving in to her impulse, she jumped forward and hugged her sister. When she felt the resistance,
she leaned forward and whispered in her ear.
Vaguely, she thought she remembered someone else. A tall figure. . .One who stood up for her. . .Vaguely, she thought she smelled something familiar. A white flower, someone had picked her a bunch when her dress ripped. Who had that been? Who was it that'd always been.. . .The memories hovered just out of sight, and just out of grasp.
"Rose, I'm home."
Rose stared at he girl she had seen many times before since her disappearance. They'd all just been visions though, daydreams. This must be no different. Glancing back, she noticed everyone staring at her. No wonder, she must look crazy. Then her eyes connected with Jack's.
He was a tall boy, and rather quiet. His hair was a deep, dark brown, nearly black. With eyes so deep a green they seemed to stare straight into your soul, he was quite the, as fellow girls put it, 'hottie'. He normally had a scowl on his slightly tanned face, and a dangerous glint in his eyes. Unlike usually, he didn't have his hands shoved in his pockets.
She remembered that at one time, when Lily had lived here, he'd been joyous, carefree, and just like any other little boy. He'd changed even more reclusive then before when Lily vanished. He didn't really like Rose, or pay much attention to her, and yet he was staring at her intently. Then she heard it. The only proof that this Lily was real.
"Hey Rose, who's the chick?"
Rose looked back at Lily, startled, and realized this was the real deal. Pulling forward, she hugged her sister tightly. Tears slid down both of their faces, and soon the adults realized who she was. After a few moments everyone was crying, except of course the kids who barely remembered that Rose even had a twin.
"Jack, this is Lily! My tw-"
"I know who Lily is."
Turning away, Rose and Lily both looked back at Jack. His face appeared slightly angry, he wasn't looking at them, and his hands were shoved into his pockets. He looked up and glared at Lily. Lily nearly gasped at the hate in those deep green wells.
"So tell me Lily. Why'd you finally come back? And where have you been that you're wearing such fancy clothing?"
Lily looked down at the ground and realized whoever this was, he'd known her before, and didn't like that she'd suddenly reappeared. She briefly tried to imagine what that might feel like. She couldn't even come close. She looked up at him and the tears began to fall faster, no longer the tears of joy they'd been mere moments before.
"I was kidnapped, and raised to believe my kidnapper was my father."
"Then why-"
"I'm not done." Her voice was soft, and much as she wanted to look away from the blurry figure that was Jack, she couldn't.
"I-I only recently learned of my past. The man I'd called my father had told me the truth on his deathbed, but only me. Since the guards still thought I was his daughter, I had to sneak away. I came here."
She wanted to guilt trip him, but she wouldn't. She stared straight at him and asked his a question that knocked the hate out of his eyes and inserted confusion.
"Who are you?"
Dp: Who does Jack react to learning a good friend of his has no idea who he is? Note: This is a short term reaction.
(edit I redid this using a spell check should be alot cleaner now)
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Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:29 am; edited 11 times in total
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Gallant
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:15 am Post subject: |
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Easy, just have him explain who he is and have him shake her violently asking "did you bang your head!?" That seems like the most logical action to take. Looking forward to more.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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This is an interesting concept for a story.. but I do find it to be a little rushed. Also, in the backstory, you jump from Lily having been stolen as a baby, to her having been kidnapped at an age where she remembers "all the times they had jumped around in the hills, all the times they had giggled late at night when they thought Mum and Daddy couldn't hear. She remembered all the things they had known about each other, that only they had known. "
That is a huge gap in time. Also, why would Lily remember things suddenly, without ever remembering them before.. and why would Rose, who wasn't kidnapped, NOT remember things? Why does Jack? Who was Lily's father, that he had guards and housekeepers, and all the fancy trappings? You mentioned that Trevus was a Lord.. but not of where. A city? A town? A continent? How far away is this forest with the village? If he ran around getting frisky with women all the time, shouldn't there be all manner of bastard children roaming around? Or is he sterile? Who else came in to view his body? Why? Would any power then pass to Lily? If so.. couldn't she demand the guards help in her quest?
I feel you left a lot unanswered. It's like you combined a prologue with a first chapter, but left out huge pieces of story. I would suggest a little rewriting, maybe forming the majority of what you've written into a more fleshed out forward, and the starting in on a first chapter- probably around the point in which she falls down the hill and finds the village.
This is only my opinion, though. I do think it's a great idea for a tale.
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, but I don't recall it ever saying she was taken as a baby, she was taken when she was four. She wouldn't of remembered who swarmed the room, and quite franky, thouhg I apprecicte the advice, I lie the story the way it is, what I need right now is poll options. Please, do you have any idea for how Jack reacts? And where does it say Rose doesn't rember? It sounds to me as if many of theses things are based uppon what you guessed, like how she was taken as a baby, and rose not remembering. I didn't put either of those into my story. BTW, I don't think illigetimite children get anything. Which is what they considered her.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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That's cool, it's your story, I'm just offering some constructive criticism based on my own opinions. I'm not trying to be a jerk or hurt your feelings.
The baby thing however..
"No one had been surprised, according to her nanny, when a baby suddenly showed up, the only surprise was that he kept the baby."
And " Since he told her when he did,and hadn't told any others, she'd had to sneak off, and find her real family on her own. She couldn't bring herself to pretend he was still her father around the others. That was deciteful, something in his nature, not hers.
The guards had tried to stop her, because they hadn't been told..." was another point that confused me.
Anyway.. I think under the circumstances Jack would be quite shocked, wonder why Lily wouldn't remember him, and fill us readers in on more of Lily's village-related background.[/i]
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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okay, sorry. I figured a 4 year old with big eyes could be considered a baby to some. *shurgs* thanks anyway. as for the guards, if they thought she was the illigetitmate chid of the lord, they'd try to keep her at the house until it could be figured out how to treat her. KK , thankies for hte suggestion. I'll probably just take it ant ack it onto whatever else gets choosen though, kk! Twas planning on the background a little bit later, but yeah, it'll have a little more village background later.
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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Well, since I'm not getting enough DP options, I'm gonna go ahead and write the next chappie in abit. Thankies tot he two people who actually posted!
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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looks cool!
but i am a little bit late.
Just a little.
Will accept any decision you make, although i do believe the obvious couse of action would be to show her around in thehopes that she would remember.
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| Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:50 am Post subject: |
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WEll, Thanks! I like the other options, but now th at I have two (the first ones can be mixed into one) I might just put a poll up if I get one or two more in the next few days.
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 2
Jack merely stared at her. He'd seen it, seen a girl who looked just like his very best, and only, friend, grow up. He'd watched as Rose, so alike lily yet so different, grew up along side him, yet away from him. And now. . .now the real Lily stood in front of him, with no idea who he was.
"No one."
The gruff response, followed by shoving his hands in him pockets and walking away, was typical of the new Jack. He himself had nearly forgotten the happy way he used to live.
Lily watched as the boy walked away, wondering why he had seemed so disappointed when she'd asked him who he was. Maybe she had known him before. Turning to Rose, she smiled lightly, and asked.
"Where do you live? And where are our parents? I'd-I'd like to see if I can come back home."
"Our parents are both at home, where only they and I live. All our siblings have grown up married, and started families of their own. Come on, I'll show you the way."
Jack looked back, over his shoulder, in time to see Rose lead Lily away. His gaze connected on Lily's face. Her expression was dull, almost emotionless. Only the slight smile, barely a turn of the corners of her lips, showed she was happy.
The little girl he remembered, she would have been grinning hard enough to split her face, ear to ear, and clutching her sisters hand for dear life. She was different, so very different. His mother- she'd been from that type of people, the type that had raised her. Fancy shmancy folks, always thinking emotions were a bad thing, a thing to be kept to themselves. Lily'd changed, maybe too much.
As Jack wandered through the forest, not really remembering walking into it in the first place, he remembered how things used to be. Lily had been born in the year he turned two, and had been born second from what he heard. She'd been a sickly baby, kept inside and safe. She wasn't even allowed outside until she was two. That's when his life changed.
Jack had always been a loner, the person who got beat up, left out, and ignored. He lived with his dad, a drunk, and his mother, also a drunk, but a beat down classy person. Neither had been born here, but he had.
Jack and Lily had met in the forest, not far in, and been friends from the start. She'd been two, he four, and both had done their best to please their parents, to no avail. She'd ran off, actually trying to follow her twin, and gotten lost.
He'd been sitting on a tree stump, carving a stick into nothingness, when she'd ran up, and said, her face all red,
"Hey! Big brotta! Where's home? Where's Rose!"
He remembered the shock he'd felt, seeing that innocent face, slightly scared, looking up at him like he stood between her and death. When it came down to it later, you sure didn't manage to live up to that belief, did ya now Jack? A bitter taste came into his mouth, one that always happened when he thought of Lily. She was here now though- and she may have changed, but she was still lily.
She was still the youngest daughter of Rich Floers, the youngest of 8. Still she remained his only friend, the only person who'd looked at him as any more then a rat, a boy who shouldn't have been. And, he was damn well going to crack that little emotional mask to tiny pieces if it took his whole life.
!~@~!
"Papa! Mama! Lily- she's returned!"
An aged couple walked out of a medium sized one story house, plus an attic. The couple both had gray hair, one had blue eyes, the man, the other green, the woman. Both believed their youngest daughter had again been seeing things, both believed their true youngest daughter had been kidnapped and killed years ago. Until they saw the mangled looking half grown woman standing next to Rose.
"Mother, father, may I stay? I have no where else to go. Please?"
Much as Lily expected doubt, disbelief that she really was their daughter, she was nearly knocked down her parents rushed and hugged her so fast. Both were crying like . . .like. . .well. . .like they'd just been reunited with a long lost relative. Which was exactly that. Though it took her a moment to realize it, she was crying too, and talking.
"Mama, Papa. oh Mama, Papa!"
"We've missed you baby, oh little one!"
"My baby! my baby's back!"
Her parents hustled her into the home, and had her washed up, dressed in a dress of Roses, and with her hair up in a bun-her idea- by the time word had completely gone around. Which was around, due to the wonder of a small town, 15, 20 minutes.
Jack sighed and looked at the oak tree he stood beneath. This tree had been a stump when he and Lily met, but now it was a meager, but strong, oak tree. His gaze was drawn to the direction of the town, which had no doubt gathered to marvel at Lily's return. The celebration would, no doubt, not include him. Shoving a hand through his thick hair, he turned and walked deeper into the forest.
!~@~!
"Finally, I thought I'd never get away."
It was around sundown, and she'd gotten to the town around noon! Half the day had been spent climbing and walking, even running in some cases, and the other half talking with villagers who all tried to teach her everything she had apparently 'forgotten'. She was, in one painfully truthful word, exhausted.
Looking up, she smiled at the way the sunset filtered through the overlay of the many shades of different leaves. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and listened, merely listened to the forest. Birds chirping their good nights, paws of the stealthy night animals beginning to wake, owls shuffling to begin their nightly prowl. Wait- A noise that was not at all natural to the forest came to her ears, and she opened her eyes with a start. Something was awry.
(edit: went back and redid this using a spell-check. Also put the to parts together)
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Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Fri Dec 26, 2008 12:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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Nice. Can't wait for the next bit of that.
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| Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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(edit, the two parts are put back togther up there, here's the dp)
SImple: what did lily hear that shouldn't have been there?
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Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Fri Dec 26, 2008 12:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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no idea
or do i?
i got IT!!!
A No-Eye Deer!!!!
sorry, but I am low on Idearium this week.
EDIT: ok, I actually do have an idea. maybe her parents are having a discussion in the forest that they don't want anybody to hear?
Or maybe there is a horribly injured animal from some far off land that she doesn't recognize.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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An alarm of some sort, like a siren or a bell. You can figure out what it's for. 
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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okay people! I want more dp then this! please! I mean, please!
NOTE: I don't have my own computer up just yet, I'm on my brothers, therefore any of my own sg's are still on pause. Sorry!
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| Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 12:38 pm Post subject: |
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Be amazed, be very amazed. . . .because I'm restarting this sg. I will redo the poll if it's wanted, if not oh well. TEll me what you guys think.
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 3
Lily took a step forward, trying to hear better. Words drifted to her.
“She is different, not like our little girl. “
“But Rich, look at her eyes, there’s no doubt she’s Lily!’
“I just don’t want us to be fooled and used. “
Lily stifled a gasp. It was her parents. . And they were discussing whether or not she was her. She closed her eyes. But closing her eyes didn’t block the words.
“We never got to explain did we, Joan?”
“Explain?”
“The lands hold on it’s people. “
“Oh. No, we didn’t. “
“Which means if this is Lily she won’t know-”
“No. “
“Let’s get back before it’s noticed we’re gone. “
Lily watched as her parents walked away, turned away. What had they been talking about? What didn’t she know? She shook her head, then turned to walk deeper. She knew that it wasn’t safe to walk like this, just wherever, and that she could very well get lost, but she didn’t care.
Jack sighed, and walked up a path that only he knew. Well, him and two other people. No, it was just one person now. This path lead to where he and Lily had always played, even if it was dangerous in more ways then one. Even if it was where. . He shook his head. All in the past, that’s what it was. \
At the end of the path was first a tree, then an expanse of grass, to the side was a cave. Then there was a cliff. A steep one two. There was a river at the bottom, though it could barely be seen. The view was incredible. Forests, rivers, mountains in the distance. . .He’s often joked with lily about them painting this place from all different views.
Jack climbed the tree, and had just gotten comfortable on a sturdy branch, one he’d used as a seat many times, since there were two branches to the side and one in front, making it almost impossible to fall out of, when he heard pounding footsteps. Angry footsteps. He sat up, glancing over. A face, so well known, burst out of the bushes, and he saw something. It was lily, and she had her eyes squeezed shut. She was walking. . Right towards the cliff.
Once Lily had realized she was lost- just like she’d known she would be- she’d decided to close her eyes and walk. Her feet certainly seemed to know where to go better then she did. Somehow as she walked she felt a soothing calm come over her. She was relaxing. . .something that hadn’t happened in a long time. She took a deep breath, and took a step forward- and felt nothing beneath her foot.
Jack was out of that tree as fast as possible once he saw Lily. He ran towards her, somehow not bringing himself to speak in his panic. She’d just been about to step right off when he reached out, grabbed her wrist, and whirled her back. He held her tightly in his arms, taking steps back until they were a few feet away from the edge. He clutched at the girl who’s life he just saved. He knew, oh he knew, that all to soon she would make him let go. He was going to put that off for as long as he could manage.
Lily’s eyes were wide open now. She’d only gotten a glimpse of where she almost fell before she was spun away. But what a glimpse it was. Taking a few minutes to organize what had just happened, Lily didn’t even register that someone was holding her. Once she did, she jerked,a nd took a step back, glancing over her shoulder to make sure she wasn’t going to hurt herself.
“Are you alright?”
“Uhm. . .yeah. “
“Lily, are you sure?”
“Yes, Jack, I’m positive!”
He smirked, and she blushed a bit, glancing away. Her temper had peeked through her normally calm exterior. Why did he seem so happy about it? She took a step away, towards the path she could see peeking out of the bushes and forest.
“I-I should be heading back to town-”
“Lily. “ She stopped.
“Yes?”
“Why did you come here?”
“I-”
“How did you know to come here?!”
“Why are you interrogating me! I walked with my eyes closed, hoping some instinctual part of me would know the way home! I got lost, and that was my best bet!”
Jack fell silent, then he laughed. And laughed, and couldn’t stop laughing. When he managed to calm down, she was glaring at him. What a sweet sight. He was thrilled because her emotionless mask was slipping away easier then he’d thought it would be. He grinned.
“I can understand the reasoning, but it wouldn’t have worked. You weren’t ever good with direction. You got lost in the forest more times then I could count. I always had to find you. “
“So I was right. “
“Huh?”
“You’re mad because I don’t remember you. That’s why you seemed angry when we first me-” She closed her eyes. “When I first re-met you. “
Jack was silent a moment, then nodded. Behind him the sun began to set, right in the middle of the fantastic view. He watched her. Her hair, it was darker then it was before, whereas Roses was lighter. . .probably a contrast from the amount of time spent in the sun. He glanced at her eyes. They had a spark Roses similar blue eyes never did.
“Yes. We- we were friends. I didn’t have many. “
“You mean you don’t. I just spent a few hours being reintroduced to everyone. Very few mentioned you, and few of those were positive. People don’t have a high opinion of you here. “
“No. They never have. “
“That’s sad. I don’t know much about you, but I can tell you aren’t bad. Moody maybe, but not bad. “
Lily turned and walked away then, unaware of what she’d just done.
Jack stared after her, wide-eyed and mouth gaping. He then turned away, slamming his fist into the tree. “Damnit. “ he muttered, tears streaming. He fell to his knees, and rubbed his bleeding knuckles as he sat on the ground. She knew nothing about him, and still knew exactly what to say? He sighed. He’d just gotten over his loving her as a sister. He’d just stopped missing her. Then she came back, and with a single sentence, he loved her again. This time though, it wasn’t like a sister. Damn it all to hell. . .
~@~!~@~
Lily sighed. She was sitting by the window of the attic bedroom. Her sister had long ago moved into one of the other bedrooms, but she’d chosen to stay in this room. She opened the window, longing to feel the wind. Wind in her face always calmed her down. She glanced down at her clothes- she still wore the simple brown ankle length skirt and the light brown blouse. She took a step back, and pulled the curtains over the window. She changed quickly into a pair of dark brown breeches. She wanted. . She didn’t know what, but it wasn’t to stay here and sleep. She opened the window again, and ducked to avoid a rock. She glanced down, and somehow wasn’t surprised it was Jack staying there.
“Lily?”
“What?”
“Can you come down? I need . . I want to talk to you. “
Dp should be fairly obvisous, but here: What does she do? And/ or how does she react?
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Gallant
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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I want to know what kind of hold the land has. Sounds ominous, and great story Nons. Why does she need to go down anyway? Tell him to be a man and get his ass up! 
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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lol. alright then Gallant.Would you like the poll option to include the curse word?
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Gallant
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| Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 5:21 am Post subject: |
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I'm all for anything non-conformist. 
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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come on guys, just a few mooore idea's!
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:59 pm Post subject: |
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Okay guys. if by today I haven't gotten at least one more suggestion, we're going with Gallants idea.
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Sabriel
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| Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 9:39 am Post subject: |
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Sorry Noni- I didn't get to reply in time. (I would have agreed with what Gallant said anyways)
I just caught up, and I must say that this is really good!
Can't wait to read more!
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---The Abhorsen Trilogy
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| Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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yay! Thankies! keep reading!
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| Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 4
“Why, may I ask, should I?”
“Like I said- I need to talk to you. “
“Then you get up here! Why should I climb. “
Jack felt like grinning, despite his nervous feelings. He had to tell her. . . He shook his head, and let himself enjoy this verbal sparring.
“Well, why should I climb up?”
“You’re the one who wants to talk. “
“Speaking of which, we can’t do it here.”
“We.. . .can’t?”
“Not unless you want to wake up your sister and parents. “
“Oh. “
“So. . .?”
“Hang on a second then. Oh, and take a step back.”
Jack complied, watching her even as he stepped backwards. She vanished from the window, and when she appeared again, she had on a pair of gloves. He knew those gloves, they were gloves that had been one of her big brothers. His eyes went sad. She didn’t remember him- did she remember her family beyond Rose? If she didn’t- how did her family feel? His thoughts were interrupting when he noticed she was on the roof now, holding onto the window sill. And she was wearing breeches. He blinked. Wow.
Lily felt her feet- now in her boots- gain purchase on the roof, and let go, turning to climb down. She saw Jack watching her, and for a split second, she felt reckless. She slid down, grabbing the edge of the roof and dropping. Her ankle felt a twinge of pain, but otherwise she was fine. She moved forward, and when she saw Jacks grin, felt strangely pleased.
They walked into the forest, Jack leading. Lily felt. . .well, felt like she’d seen this happen before. She blinked her eyes, to get rid of the tension that seemed to be gathering in her head. While they walked in silence, Lily could hear the forests night sounds around her. Sounds she recognized. She smiled lightly, pleased to know that. The scent of flowers wafted on the breeze towards her, and at night that made them seem all the better. She closed her eyes- and bumped into Jack, who’d stopped unexpectedly.
Jack had to tell her. Tell her what happened to people who were born in this village. He’d brought her to the cliff place- there secret meeting place. Inside that cave were scrawlings on the wall that they had made. In the seat-tree, they’d played and discussed their dreams. On that grass, he’d seen the most horrid thing in his life.
Lily moved around Jack, noticing they were in that place again. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she moved forward to lean against the tree. Watching him, she wondered why he’d brought her here, of all places. Mayhap he was sure this place was private?
“So. . .”
“We used to play here, you know.”
“Huh?”
Jack almost blushed, having blurted out he first thing on his mind. He sat down in the grass, sitting Indian style, and glanced up at her.
“We would come here to play. “
“. . . . .”
“We would.”
“No doubt, we must’ve liked endangering ourselves.”
“huh?” it was jacks turn to be confused.
Lily chuckled, and waved a hand toward the cliff, tree, cave, and the landscape in general.
“I couldn’t even begin to list all the ways to hurt oneself here. “
“Yeah. . .part of why I liked it here so much.”
“What about me?”
“What?”
“What did I like about here?”
“The landscape. You thought it was pretty. “
They fell silent, both glancing anywhere but at each other. Lily was feeling guilty about not remembering what was apparently very important. Jack was feeling guilty about accidentally pressuring her about the pieces of her past she didn’t remember. They both felt uncomfortable with each other.
“We were best friends. “
“Were we?”
“Yeah. You weren’t friends with many people, but you were kind to everyone. Me and Rose, we were the only ones you really seemed to adore. “
“Oh. . .”
“Do you remember your siblings?”
“I can’t name them, but I remember having them. “
“that. . .that’s sad, isn’t it?”
“Yes. “
“What else do you remember?”
“My sister, my parents. “ And someone handing me white flowers. . .but I won’t tell him that.
“That’s it?”
“Yes. Other then that, I remember my life being raised by Trevus. “
“Tre. . .vus?”
“The man who kidnapped me. “
Jack didn’t say anything. For once. And surprisingly, he didn’t have to for Lily to know what he was feeling. She moved forward, and laid a hand on his arm. He glanced over at her, surprised, and she shook her head. He didn’t understand at first. . .then he did.
“Wishing revenge on a dead man. . .not very bright, is it?”
“No, Jack, not really.”
“I just- well. . .”
“I understand. Jack, just so you know, I do wish I remembered you. “
~!!~~!!!~~!!~
Jack watched as Lily climbed back up her roof, sneaking into the attic window, and shutting it. Then he turned away, cursing himself over and over with better and better curses each time. The one thing he’d set out to talk to her about -t he one thing- was the only thing he hadn’t! He’d told her about his parents, how they weren’t natives to this land but he was. She talked about living in trees and fancy houses. About the fancy schooling she got. They talked, and talked, and talked a little more. But he’d still never told her about the land, about what it did to people who were born on it. He shook his head, calling himself all colors of idiots. Still, as he climbed into his bed- his parents weren’t up and didn’t even notice he was gone- he was smiling. He had a reason to. Lily was his friend again. Not the same friend, and not he same person, as before, but a friend.
~!!~~!!!~~!!~
Rose smiled, glancing up at her sister. Lily was bleary-eyed, still not an early riser, and was glaring daggers a anyone who tried to come to close. Rose was happy, gleeful in fact. Her twin sister was back. They were walking to the library, at the far side of town. Lily seemed like she’d rather be in bed asleep, but considering the day she’d had yesterday, no wonder! Rose suddenly stopped, and stared up with just a tiny bit of fear at Jack. He was sitting on a tree stump, carving a piece of wood. Rose was amazed when she saw Lily take a few steps forward and lean over his shoulder.
“What are you making?”
“My soul animal. “
Really lame dp, I know, but I figured this would help me get an insight. The dp is: What is Jack’s soul animal? Please list a reason, and yes ‘just cause I like _____’ can count as a reason. lol.
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| Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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Hey! I like it! Keep at it!
So glad to be back  I missed ya!
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Novelest_Ninjagirl
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| Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:00 am Post subject: |
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Hm. Just re-read this and, as to be expected, it's cringe-worthy. I still like the root idea, though, and I'm definitely going to restart this shortly. Just need time to rewrite what I already have, adding to it. Guess I better check to see there is interest in it, however. ^^
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| Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 8:12 am Post subject: |
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You forgot the 'yes' either way you wish to go, option.
I haven't read any of this so would you like me to start with what you have or do you wish to restart this yourself? Either way
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 7:31 am Post subject: |
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I voted "Yes if you rewrite the chapters." I liked the story but I found that the pace was a little off. Lily goes from finding out she had been kidnapped as a child to finding her family to integrating with them to reconnecting with an old friend with no interlude. Having said that, it might be hard to have a gripping storygame if you were to include too much of Lily and her family's dilemma.
Maybe you can find a way so that you post the same length chapters while including more detail on Lily's and her family's coming to terms with what happened in the past.
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| Would you be interested in this were it to start up again? |
| Yes, but only if you rewrite the previous chapters. |
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100% |
[ 1 ] |
| Yes, I like these chapters how they are and can't wait to see how you improve them! |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Not really, but if you rewrite the chapters I'll come check it out. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Nope. I don't care either which way. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 1 |
| Who Voted: Muaddib |
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