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The Dark
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 Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:15 am Post subject: The Dark chapter 13 - Bad Cop Good Cop. |
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Once again, The Dark has to warn possible readers that this tale contains naughty words, naughty people and naughty situations. All in all, it’s naughty. But then nice guys come last apparently.
Chapter 13. Good Cop Bad Cop.
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Last edited by The Dark on Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:10 am; edited 2 times in total
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The Dark
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:17 am Post subject: |
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The Dark apologises for the lack of sex and violence in this chapter, but you can't have it all all the time.
The decision here is an easy one then, reader dear. How do they enter Zone seventy?
Blast their way in? Try and take the van? What?
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:12 am Post subject: |
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the lack of violence and gore disturbs me so i say drive over the mutating freaks and bust in fast. short, yet sweet, chapter dark.
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Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
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eminem
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there is no reason to live at all
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | and the man handed over them over |
| Quote: | | “I do, of course, choose my own attire usually, but the commissioner has impeccable taste in fashion. |
There's a quotation mark missing in the second one.
The new character, Ike Ice, loses gas throughout the chapter.
| Quote: | “You may refer to her as Commissioner.” Ike’s jaw tightened.
“Okay, okay, keep your pants on kid…”
“And I’m not a kid. I’m twenty seven, and my job is to keep an eye on you. Just in case you get any ideas, I have bio-muscular enhancement treatment, so don’t think you can take me down.” |
Here he acts very tough and even forbidding. But then:
| Quote: | “Fine.” Gloom sighed. “What else did you get? Are the guns in the back of the van?”
“Er…” Ike looked uncomfortable. |
The character has changed. He's a wussy. For me, the character experienced a transformation much too quickly. Give the transition some more time.
As for the DP, I don't think these mutants will be hostile to the two cops unless the cops show a sign of weakness. These people are probably human waste, and as such, afraid of tough looking guys with guns. Nobody who has the courage to stand up to a cop would be living in fallout land. Simply walk in, guns ready.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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Im with Ds approach. Look mean and menacing and they'll avoid you.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:36 am Post subject: |
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I say sneak in, no sense inviting trouble, but if they are spotted they use the 'hard man' approach suggested above.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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I'm with Cren on this one. Stealth is the way.
Enjoyed the chapter, but have to agree I wasn't really sure where Ike was coming from. Couldn't decide whether he was tough, useless, savvy, clueless, by the book, corrupt - and like Lordy says, we don't know his rank either. A bit confusing all round.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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Your feedback has been noted, logged and processed.
The Dark shall endevour to 'stiffen up' the Ike character, and fix the errors.
If there is no other suggestions, The Dark will initiate a vote...
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| Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:12 am Post subject: |
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The Dark
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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The vote is ready, select your choice readers.
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:29 am Post subject: |
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If we had better weaponry, and equipment, then the hard guy approach would be good. But without it, we don't want to be getting complacent.
Sneaky, sneaky.
Happy Writing 
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Chinaren
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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blast them! 
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The Dark
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:00 am Post subject: |
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All right haters, you want it hard, hard it will be.
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| Mutant scum ahead. |
| Go in hard and fast. They get in the way, it's their problem. |
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42% |
[ 3 ] |
| Walk in slow and steady. We're hard fuckers, mess with us at your peril. |
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14% |
[ 1 ] |
| Quietly does it, but if seen, don't take no shit. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Sneak it. Make sure they're not seen! |
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14% |
[ 1 ] |
| On top does it for me. Quietly over the rooves. |
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28% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 7 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, Crunchyfrog, CunningFox, D-Lotus, Mephistopheles, Smee |
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