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DeadManWalking
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 Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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I had a burst of inspiration about this chapter, and it just kinda wrote itself although it is quite a bit shorter than the last one.
If it's a bit rough i apologize.
And please don't expect to get any subsequent chapters this quickly.
Chap. 2
His gaze intensified.
“So, Reddoc Tober, what is your power? What… capabilities do you claim to have that make you able to defeat the Amaranth?”
What could I say?
If I told the truth, he might kill me, simply because I would be useless to him.
But if I made something up, and he found it out, he would kill me for lying to him.
Much too risky.
Maybe I could claim premonitions? I wrote the script, and this was that world, even if it was distorted.
But again, that was too risky. If the distortions changed the story too much, he’d kill me.
Also, the script didn’t have me in it.
“Speak.”
My mind raced for an answer, something that wouldn’t leave me dead or crippled. But, as so often happened, my mind found half an answer, a thought half-thought, and my tongue raced before my mind read it out.
“I have power over the fates. I direct destinies and weave the patterns of the future.”
Well it was an answer. And he couldn’t actually disprove that right?
That clone of myself sneered, and again his voice sliced through the fabric of my thoughts.
“So we have a philosopher with us. We have heard the easterners practice such magicks. But they were a scrawny bunch, and we soon showed them our power.”
As he spoke his fingers moved, and I found my eyes drawn to them. A black ball, or what looked like a ball, rolled between his fingers. It looked strange as it twisted between those digits, as if it were not properly of this dimension at all. It somehow changed without changing, becoming different with each second, but not in a way that could be described by any human mind.
He continued speaking, now thoughtfully.
“But those eastern magicks are not much use in battle. Perhaps it may be best if we gifted you with some of our powers. It is done for the NightBringers, and their oaths are not so different from that of the ShadowSworn. The scale will simply have to be… bigger.”
My mind heard and wondered, but my eyes stayed drawn to the dark sphere.
Then his fingers snapped and the ball disappeared.
“Let us begin. DuskTreader. Leave us.”
She left, vanishing into the shadows that swallowed the walls. I heard a door close.
Then the world vanished.
Pain like I had felt only in the space between worlds flooded my body. I think I screamed.
I hope I was dreaming. I don’t think it was possible to survive all that. But every single bone in my body broke and refitted, remade stronger than it had been. And every muscle, every organ, every cell died, and was reborn stronger, and I could feel every piece recreated in the fires of forge. And then the rebirth of the mind started, pain coursing through every vein for years so that pain would never be unknown to me, my mind hovering at the edge of Death so that I could look upon her face and no longer fear.
I don’t remember much of what happened. What I wrote here is all I remember.
The world returned in a flash of color, the shadowed halls appearing to me to be daylight in the desert.
The Dark Lord slumped in his chair, panting.
“That took more power… than we thought.”
He rested for several seconds, before straightening up, the disdainful look once again returning to his face.
“And we have our newest ShadowSworn.”
DuskTreader reentered the room, answering some unheard summons.
“You, DuskTreader, will be traveling with our friend. If he is to destroy the Amaranth, he must be there, yes? And he will need someone to keep him on the road as he learns to get his footing.”
He turned back to me. I stood in the circle, unwilling but powerless to go against even his unspoken will.
“You, Tober, need a name. A title. You shall be known as... the Hunted. For the Amaranth knows of your arrival by now. And she has minions of her own.
“You will travel to her Realm and join with her. She is skeptical or prophecies, despite having fulfilled several herself, and will want to use you to attack me.
“You will get close to her, rise in her councils and become an aide. DuskTreader will be simply someone picked up along the way, perhaps a damsel rescued from distress.
“She will be your backup. You will kill the Amaranth.”
The words echoed through my brain, resonating in my soul. They wrote themselves on my remade soul, and became my purpose.
The DuskTreader spoke, hesitatingly.
“How will we get to the Ixia?”
“Walk. Or ride. Or get NightStalker or the Creeper to take you. That would take less time. But if DuskTreader is discovered as one of the NightBringers, you both will live to regret it.”
There we have our second chapter.
So how do they get to Ixia?
This may not have been clear in the story, but the advantages are thus of Creeper and NightStalker are simply that they are faster.
But there is the risk of the Amaranth noticing that the DuskTreader is also a NightBringer, because she traveled with one of the above.
Also, they could probably sail as well.
I don't really have a geography of the world planned out concretely yet, so a sea could be added somewhere.
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When the dead walk, the living run.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Get a Nightstalker or Creeper to take you.
They both sound rather interesting... definitley bring them in.
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 8:15 am Post subject: |
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| I'd go for walking. Keeps him under the radar, and plenty more could happen on the way.
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Meranos
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| Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 4:20 pm Post subject: Good Tale! |
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Nice tale! I loved your use of similes in the first chapter. As for the DP, I'd say, ride! Not a creeper or nightstalker, but something else. It's faster than walking, and stuff can still happen. Plus, this "Ixia" place sounds like its far away, and sailing sounds more dangerous. And he might as well rush to his impending fate. 
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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hmmmm....
I probably should have made this clear.
NightStalker and Creeper are people.
More will be made clear later.
If they do travel tho, it will most likely be by horse.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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hmm.. i'm interested to see what the powers of a "shadowsworn" are. Perhaps, giving the weird reversals of DarkLord and Reddoc... he's now a "lightsworn" instead, although no one realises it? Perhaps he's the first. OR perhaps the DarkLord actually has to do REDDOC'S bidding, if he were to assert himself.
either way, interesting developments. I suggest heading out on foot. Surely others have heard of his arrival, and if he stumbles through the desert looking lost, they'd be more likely to pick him up and aid him- and opposed to him arriving safe and sound and in suspicious pomp and glory.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:35 am Post subject: |
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| scissorkitty wrote: | Perhaps, giving the weird reversals of DarkLord and Reddoc... he's now a "lightsworn" instead, although no one realises it? Perhaps he's the first. OR perhaps the DarkLord actually has to do REDDOC'S bidding, if he were to assert himself.
|
Playing about with the mirrorred identitys sounds good here. Perhaps Reddoc can hear the Dark Lord's thoughts, and put thoughts into his head?
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| Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:54 am Post subject: |
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Ancient china! lol
Anyway get the peoples to help you, the one most willing. Go by your feet if the horses fail. If their attacked out of the blue, take weapons just to be protected, if the main character uses weapons, or powers. Let see what happens.
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Head Eater
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| Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject: |
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Thissss ssstorygame is deemed worthy of the Foresssst of Fantasssy.
Congratulationsss!
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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yay! congrats!
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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Yayness!
Thankee HE!
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ceej
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| Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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as one of the first stories i have read on this site, i love it!! plus i think it has helped me a bit on what i should be doing! so thank you!!
firstly, creeper and/or nightstalker would be really interesting if they were rebelious, i would add another factor to the dark lords men!
also, walking would be very favourable as it gives Hunted time to learn his powers, test his strength: as well as allowing him to meet new comrades and enemies.
it would also allow the development of time in the story and give more ideas to what side hunted takes, thats if he takes a side!!
hope this helps
=]]
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tayfinch
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| Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:31 am Post subject: |
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I can't help it. I want Creeper to take them by land. What an intriguing name.
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"Fairy tales are important not because they teach us that dragons are real, but because they teach us that dragons can be beaten." - Chesterton
All my storygames are concurrently run on WritingOutpost.com
 The SPEEDGAME is BACK ON!! I need some readers to come and vote to get it going again! Looking forward to storygaming with you!
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tayfinch
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:26 am Post subject: |
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Unfortunately I did' t have enough time to adequately comment in my last City session. This storygame was pretty incredible. (I’m being surprised by how good so many of these story games are! I was sincerely captivated by the story once it got going, and thought that you had moments of genius) (There were a lot of really amazing stories last time I was on the site, a year or so ago, but every story I’ve read so far has been great)
1. ‘Reddoc Tober’ was a fabulous idea. Loved it.
2. I have two quotes I want to mention:
First is a quote that I thought to be extraordinary. The description of the staff, her hair, the hand was exceptional:
“Her hair, barely visible under the hood of her black cloak, was a black like a raven’s wing at midnight. One pale hand, decorated with jeweled bracelets, delicately held a staff. / It was a thing of nightmares. The head of the staff was a claw, black and shriveled, and it held what looked to be a diamond. But in the diamond… / In the diamond, was a writhing black thing, the essence of nightmare, like liquid falling from a spout, only… only alive. And moving, inside the diamond.”
The second shows a little bit of over-the-top-ness that is minimal in the story, but which I noticed:
Part 1 –Really good-- “Other than that, the only light was the glowing purple eyes of the girl in front of me. / Her face was young, about twenty, but her eyes, her purple eyes, which glowed in the dark light, showed a much greater age…”
Part2 –Overthetopabit—“Those eyes had seen many things, things that would make a grown man weep.”
Part3—Return to really good—”Those eyes were like purple wells; you could sink into them and never return.”
It may just be my reading style, but those sort of semi-abstract comments distract and feel like they’re a departure from the character-narrated text.
Lastly, I wanted to say that I proudly voted for Creeper. If nothing else, I think that it would present interesting story possibilities that would let me get to know this girl and the other characters (through travel dialogue) and the history of the world better.
Purely selfish vote. Ha.
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"Fairy tales are important not because they teach us that dragons are real, but because they teach us that dragons can be beaten." - Chesterton
All my storygames are concurrently run on WritingOutpost.com
The SPEEDGAME is BACK ON!! I need some readers to come and vote to get it going again! Looking forward to storygaming with you!
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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And so I think i shall be putting the poll up.
Btw, a little background that i will be putting into the story.
(I was originally going to work this in later, but now this seems like necessary information to make this choice)
Creeper and NightStalker are people, for lack of a better term.
Both of them have as-of-yet undiscovered (by you) abilities to make the traveling faster than riding.
Both are servants of the Dark Lord, although they have different statuses.
Creeper is higher up in the ranks, one of the ShadowSworn, and NightStalker is lower, one of the NightStalkers (which makes him equal rank to DuskTreader, and yes, technically a lower rank than our hero (and before you ask, i would like to say that perhaps making all the names Darkness-themed would have been a better idea if i had other words besides dusk, night, and dark))
And of course, even if you do get escorted by one of those two, in all likelihood you wouldn't go all the way to Ixia.
Since (I probably didn't make this clear) Ixia is the capital of the Amaranth's realm, and thus getting too close would mean that the Amaranth would notice.
So they will be riding part of the way no matter what happens (unless they decide to go sailing, which seems unlikely looking at reader suggestions).
So whichever way they DO choose to go will have something happen to them during the trip if something would have happened anyways.
I apologize for not having this information in the story already, and will work toward a greater cohesiveness and foresight in later chapters.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:25 am Post subject: |
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Hey... I know it's the author's option, but could I vote for the banana?
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| Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:33 am Post subject: |
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I'd just like to say as a fellow horse rider, that you get tired riding a horse because you never really sit on them. You have a certain trot and gallop rithm. Like you get up at 1 and sit down at 2, you have to get up when the horse's left hoof lifts and you have to climb on the left side of the horse. It's better for the horses back. When walking you sit down. 
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BlackAmaranth
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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Sooo, we haven't really met Creeper or NightStalker yet, yes? Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention 
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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not yet.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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OK, closing the poll after five days.
We will be getting travel from NightStalker.
Will start writing soon.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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Why does the writer's option always include a banana?
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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because whenever i try and think of something random, bananas almost always factor in somehow.
possibly something to do with quantum energy or morphic resonance.
Also possibly because, as my sister has always believed, i was a monkey in a previous life.
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