 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:53 pm Post subject: God Made Scotch-CH2 |
 |
|
God Made Scotch
a immoral tale by Flaw
WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE
I'm a bad bad boy.
Chapter One
I called just to say 'hello'
Wherein Jonathan is interrupted from spanking something and receives bad news from his brother.
Cell phones seem to ring at the most innappropriate times. So when Jonathan’s new phone blurted out a symphony of tunes, he closed his eyes in frustration and stopped spanking his cute new secretary with peevish reluctance. He pulled his pants up and sauntered over to his phone. Chelsea resumed a standing position while brushing off her knees.
“Hello?”
“Johnny?”
Jonathan’s eyes closed. “Blake. Now is not a good time.”
“I know, I know, I know! But this is an emergency bro!”
“Really now?”
“Yes.”
Jonathan glanced at his waiting assistant and made a shooing motion with his hand. His wedding ring glinted brightly in a beam of sunlight. She scurried out, wondering if she had forgotten her panties or not.
“What is it?”
“Well…I don’t want you to freak out or anything…”
He could feel a headache coming on. Yes. Yes. There it was. Dammit, it was here.
“What. Is. It.”
“Well, there’s three things.”
The swivel chair sqeaked as Jonathan settled in behind his desk. His monitor blinked to get his attention. Twenty seven new emails. His mouse moved and the first one opened. It was from Lisa. His eyebrows shot up.
“The things you can do with cucumbers…”
Blake appropriately said, “The fuck?”
“What? Sorry. What is it Blake!? I’m at work.”
A sigh came from the other end. “Right, right. Well, there’s three things.”
Johnny Boy’s prized ball point pen began to bludgeon the desk. “Yes?” he hissed.
“We’re out of scotch.”
Silence hung in the air. The headache began to kick the front of Jonathan’s skull.
“Scotch. How the fuck do we run out of scotch Blake!? I had like six bottles! I bought them yesterday! We hadn’t even started on them yet!”
Blake coughed. “YOU, hadn’t even started on them yet.”
“You alcoholic mother fucker!”
“It takes a lot for me to get buzzed, alright!” Blake shouted defesively.
Jonathan’s outburst seemed to catch the attention of every cubicle arrayed outside his office. Charlie poked his head in, a nevous and flirtacious smile playing on his lips. “Everything alright, cutie?”
“Fuck off,” mouthed Jonathan.
Charlie nodded and religiously closed the door quietly. Poor sap.
“Second thing.”
“Oh God,” the older bother groaned.
“You know Sarah?”
“Who?”
“Your wife.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sure. What about her?”
Blake cleared his throat and thity five miles away in a rather large house he shuffled his feet nervously. “She found Mindy’s panties.”
“AH SHIT!”
“And her bra…”
"Lovely."
"And the handcuffs..."
Johnny Boy’s face buried itself in his comforting hands. “This can’t be happening.”
“Got your digital camera too…”
The prized pen cracked the front door window. Charlie perked up.
“And then the third problem…”
Jonathan was close to tears. “What? What else could you possibly throw at me bro?”
Blake chuckled and he could be heard tapping his fingers against something. “We sort of have a dead body in our living room.”
Jonathan’s new cell phone made another crack in the front door window.
-------------
Alright folks, so what's a man to do? Weird DP, but whats a new stry without a mutilated bang? ;0
Last edited by Fenris on Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:13 pm; edited 3 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Emperor
Citizen
Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Topics: 29
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Things that are good:
Spanking a secretary: Check
Scotch: Check
Humor and depravity: Check
A good Cliff Hanger/Story Game Point: Check
All in all a good start Flaw, looking forward to seeing what comes next.
As for what to do next, from the brief glimpse I got of the main character I would think he would want to figure out who is the dead person. That way he can decide if it's worth his time.
_________________
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. - Baltasar Gracian
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
| funny story... but embarrasing to read, sounds like"white horse" to me... Call the cops... good none the less
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:29 am Post subject: |
|
|
 Excellent start! Forget your other story, this one's far more up my street!
And...
| Quote: | “You know Sarah?”
“Who?”
“Your wife.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sure. |
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
vgmaster
Resident
Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Topics: 6
Posts: 68
Location: The City of Angels
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:11 am Post subject: Talent |
|
|
Talent, you have it. I love the start of this story. As for the DP. The body could be one of the apparently many women he's cheated with.
_________________
"Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense,
Refrigerator."
-TheLifeofaBinder
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
Find out more about the dead body. Ah, but he's just flung his mobile phone across the room, right? Okay so if it doesn't work any more, go home and find out about the dead body.
Excellent and entertaining read!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:47 am Post subject: |
|
|
Awww thanks guys!
Well, there isn't realy much diversity in the options. But I'll give it a day or more so.
| Christalnightshade wrote: | | funny story... but embarrasing to read, sounds like"white horse" to me... Call the cops... good none the less |
Huh? White Horse?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:32 am Post subject: |
|
|
mmm... you should try reading Emma's books sometime, that has alot of ehem 'adultery' in it.  Also it's got war in it and mistery. So I'm comparing a good 500 page book to what you have written, plus the book is in on the top.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
God Made Scotch
a immoral tale by Flaw
WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE
I'm a bad bad boy.
Chapter Two
Uphill Violence
Wherein Jonathan is shot at and Blake keeps a dead body company.
“I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Just don’t uh touch anything.”
“Oh because me and necrophilia. You know, we just go so well together.”
“Fuck you, Blake. Fuck. You.”
“If I shaved my legs and grew my hair out you probably would.”
The line died and the phone limped itself back to its carrier. Blake sighed and dug his fingers into his brow, deftly massaging it uselessly. The family headache was coming on. He glanced forlornly at the empty bottle of Balvenie and silently prayed for more. He opened his eyes after the “Amen.”
“Goddammit.”
Blake carefully made his way out of the kitchen and into the brightly lit living room. The stained glass windows mounted above let loose the flood of sunlight that illuminated every square inch of the living space. It made the leather couches sparkle, the fireplace shine, and the blood soaked carpet a little more cheery.
He eyed the prone form suspiciously. It lay sprawled out across the table, sinking into its hollow frame where the hand blown glass used to be. The ax buried in the poor sap’s back seemed to still glint with wonderful maliciousness. Blake frowned. That was his favorite ax.
The peculiar young man seated himself on the couch, directly behind and to the side of the bleeding body.
“So…my bad.”
---
Jonathan tore through the intersection, nearly knocking a biker off his Harley and into the way of a U-haul truck. The sleek black Chrysler made a sharp left onto Sheradom Alley, on its way to the gray dirt road that led a winding way to his house.
The flustered business man silently cursed himself. He just had to live on a god damn fucking hill.
---
“I really didn’t mean to. I mean, you did come bursting in unannounced.”
The body made no answer.
The young man shifted in his couch uncomfortably. “I mean come on. You can’t just come storming in, blazing about guns, Jesus, and dragons.”
Still no answer, except for the slightest sound of releasing gas. The body sagged a little bit.
“That is a weird combina-AH COME ON!”
---
The dead orange leaves leaped into the air in a spiraling frenzy as Jonathan raced over them.
The danced and flirted into the chilly sky, flipping and spinning in awkward motions. They finally drifted down again, resting on the hood and windshield of the hidden V3 Hummer that had slept in the crook of the trees.
The large machine slowly pulled out of its natural parking space and quietly sped up to follow a distraught older brother.
---
Blake was in the Martha Stuart kitchen now and was still gagging from the smell. Jesus, that had stunk. He had always heard about bodies stinking after a while but that had been just disgusting. Totally unneeded.
Blake leaned against the counter and let his shoulders sag. This day wasn’t going well.
He glanced at the clock. Jonathan should be here in about ten minutes. He let his eyes drift clothes, nose still wrinkled from the smell. But his body stiffened as he heard the quiet sound of footsteps sinking into the newly painted carpet.
---
Jonathan almost sent his 300 over the edge of a particularly sharp turn.
He glanced to the left and out the window, eyebrows raised at the sudden drop to sharp edged rocks and twisted trees. He mumbled a short prayer.
The vehicle righted itself a screeching sound of wheels protesting and he was on his way. He could see his house up a little ways, the goal of the slowly steepening road. Instinct made him glance in his rear view mirror and that move might have just saved his life.
His eyes registered the sudden flashes of light coming from the figure leaning out of the passenger window. His mind shot to all the action movies he saw and his ears registered the sharp popping sound.
Jonathan’s hands yanked the wheel to the left and his front and rear passenger windows shattered into thousands of pieces.
---
The toaster served as a mirror and it did its new job well, alerting the confused Blake to duck if he wanted his head.
The ax buried itself into the furnished oak wood cabinet. Blake silently wept. His favorite cabinet. Damn his luck!
His natural survival instincts kicked in, quietly filling him in on the laws of survival. ‘Stop, drop, and roll’, it whispered. ‘Wait. No, that wasn’t right.’
He dived and felt the wind rush pass his feet. The marble tile exploded into white shards of beauty behind him.
“Shit shit shit shit!”
“Stop running coward and fight like a warrior!”
Blake ran into the living room, sliding into home plate at the broken table and body but minus his favorite ax. His searching hands found a sharp shard of glass and promptly threw it into the face of his attacker.
The tall man dodged the slicing weapon and hefted the ax high. He ran out Blake, faced masked by swathed linen and sharp green eyes that held nothing.
Blake copied years of watching World War II movies and rolled away again. The blood soaked blade sliced off the body’s cold limp hand.
“Charlie! I’m so sorry!” The ax wielding Wildman whipped around, his linen mask flapping dramatically behind him.
“I demand that you fight like a warrior.”
“It’s the twenty first century bitch!”
----
Alright peeps, a little lackluster but I needed to throw it up before a long week of not posting any stories.
So, we have to do things!
One, What's Jonathan to do? Game plan here!
Two, what's Blake to do? Battle plan boys/girls!
Think away
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Phantomfan
Citizen
Joined: 01 May 2008
Topics: 7
Posts: 309
Location: Deep within the music of the night
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 7:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
This is fabulous, buddy! Freakin hilarious- very well written.
Let's see... No idea on what Jonathan should do as of now, but I think Blake should maneuver the fight back into the kitchen. There are always plenty of weapons there, not to mention rotten food that splatches quite nicely.
So glad to read a new good story that's this talented!
The Phantom shall be sticking with this one for while yet...
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
BStheGreat
Citizen
Joined: 01 Jan 2005
Topics: 6
Posts: 262
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 10:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I like this so far. It's not bad at all, but as I was reading it one particular sentence stuck out to me:
| Quote: | | Blake sighed and dug his fingers into his brow, deftly massaging it uselessly. |
There is nothing really wrong with it, but for some reason the word 'uselessly' doesn't seem right to me in this sentence. It just seems awkward to me. If it was me, I would say substitute it with something like 'to no avail' or something similar. Just a thought.
Other than that, I like it. The chapter aren't very long, which is a good thing for me, and so far I have been able to stay interested.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 9:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Jonathan - Get down and ram the car into the direction of where the bullets came from.
Blake - Use the stinking body as a weapon. The attacker obviously knew him when he was alive. 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Two words:
Get a kitchen knife!
Okay, that's not two words, but arithmetic was never my strong area.
Either that or run for the hills. Or down the hill in this case.
Very nice read Flaw. Mmm, I liked your old name better. 
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Head Eater
Resident
Joined: 20 May 2007
Topics: 1
Posts: 62
Location: Hovering above your sssssskull
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
Heeeheheeheee. Hurrrhurrr hurrr! Mwahahaaa!
*ahem*
Ssssssss! Congratulationssssssss o Flawlessssss one. Your Sssssstorygame bringssssss forth great chucklessssssss.
It isssssss worthy of the General Fiction and Exssssssssperimental forum.
Ensssssure it remainssssss sssso or I will return for your head.
Ssssssssssss!
_________________
Heads.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:08 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Lol well my Fenris account was deleted so if the King changed my name back to Fenris that's cool.
Man, it scared the crap outta me when I couldn't find it on the New SG forum.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
Flaw has just recently undergone a head transplant.
Now he looks like Fenris - all we need to do now is see if it worked...
Talk to us, Fenny!
*crosses fingers*
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:08 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!
What happened to my head. OMG I have my fur back! I was starting to hate the shadow form!
I'm trying to figure out how t form a poll out of these.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yay! Fenny is back! You should have seen this other Schmuck Fenny, pretending he was you. We soon saw him off though.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| This sounds like a fun story!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Fenris
Resident
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Topics: 4
Posts: 60
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Gaaah I'm out of ideas, the morphine must have gotten to my head. This one's still going, just got to remember the hell where I was going with this.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Amichan
Treasurer
Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Topics: 18
Posts: 480
Location: RL:Roseboro, NC./ IF: Retuning from a long journey in the land of OFF
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:40 am Post subject: |
|
|
| so far a really great story so far. the two point perspective to the story is a bit hard to follow but i'm getting as i go. as for your characters well one is obviously is getting attacked him GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!!!!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
BetrayedYetLoved
Tourist
Joined: 04 Oct 2009
Topics: 2
Posts: 21
Location: bucyrus ohio 44820
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
| i honestly found it very interesting and there is nothing wrong with being a little kinky now and then lol... anyway just wanted to say great work
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
