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Chinaren
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 Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:55 am Post subject: Give Me! Final Part - Betrayal. |
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***Achtung!!!! Warning! Danger Will Robinson!! This SGame, as many of my regular readers may know by now, contains bad stuff, naughty words, disgraceful content, vulgar ideas and... Oh, I have to go and lay down... ***
Taking a leaf out of Thunderbird's tree, I've decided to do this as a multi-site Storygame.
Thus, I present a Speed SGame* by Chinaren...
This will be writted on TomeCity and IF, and the results merged, mixed, stewed and, well, whatever.
*TM
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Last edited by Chinaren on Tue Feb 23, 2010 4:48 am; edited 34 times in total
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:57 am Post subject: |
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Ron Biggers moaned and put his hand to his head. There seemed to be a tiny man inside his skull going mad with a hammer.
“Ow,” he said. “Bugger.”
The head wasn’t the only thing wrong though. He appeared to be sitting up on something hard and uncomfortable. The rest of his body had also noticed he’d gained consciousness, and was talking about taking some kind of legal action for abuse. In the meantime it ached.
“What the hell?” He opened his eyes, wincing at the light that streamed in, apparently agitating the man inside his head, which redoubled the pounding.
Groaning, Ron sat upright and rubbed at his eyes, blinking rapidly as he looked around.
“Where the hell am I?” he muttered.
Apparently he was in some kind of launderette. Large, sickly colored, yellow washing machines lined the wall in front of him. The one directly opposite seemed to be the only one in use. He could vaguely make out a set of pink clothes tumbling about within.
“What the fuck?” He winced as he stood up, making a face of anguish as his back protested by spasming violently.
Leaning on the hard plastic chair he’d been asleep in, he tried to recall how he’d got there. There was nothing. The last thing he remembered was having a beer in the Old Grouse bar with Trevor. After that it was just blank.
“What the hell was in that beer?” he muttered. He slumped back in the chair, and only then noticed he was wearing an unfamiliar suit made of some kind of revolting light blue material. Further investigation revealed he was also wearing a ludicrous pink silken shirt. His shoes were a horribly out of date patent leather design that exposed white nylon socks.
“I’m the king of tack,” he lamented.
The machine in front of him suddenly stopped, rolling to a halt with a dull thud. The sudden lack of noise from it allowed other noises to filter in. The hum of traffic, interspersed with the honk of the occasional car horn. Some kind of megaphone amplified voice shouted something that he couldn’t catch. He frowned. Sundersfield wasn’t that busy, what the hell was going on?
Peering over to his right he tried to catch a glimpse out of the front of the shop, past a fat Asian looking woman sitting several chairs down, busy prodding away at her phone. All he could make out was people walking past.
“What?” Ron realized the woman was speaking.
She pointed at the washing machine in front of him.
“Wan la,” she repeated.
Ron pulled a face. Bloody foreigners, they could at least learn the language if they were going to live here. He shook his head. “It’s not mine.”
“Ni de,” she jabbed a fat finger again. “Wan la, que yi dian.”
“Jesus.” Shaking his head, he stood slowly and creakily up and fumbled with the latch on the device. The instructions seemed to be in Japanese or something, but he figured it out in the end, just as several other woman, busy chatting amongst themselves, entered the shop.
He swung the door open, and a short bald man, wearing a very unattractive, although clean, tracksuit fell out onto the floor.
The women screamed.
>>>>>>
So, what the heck? What does Ron do now?
<<<<<<
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:37 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm intriguing - good to see you back storygaming, Chinaren 
You're trademarking 'Speed'? I'm pretty sure Key already has Storygame covered.
Could you add a quick warning to the top - there is a small amount of swearing involved in there.
Loved the outfit he's wearing - made me smirk. A little man fallen out the washing machine, now that can't be good. I suppose we should check if he's alive. If not, back away slowly, and get the hell out of there. We need to find out where we are... clearly somewhere more city like that before - judging by the woman speaking and the instructions on the machine - in Japan.
Good stuff,
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:43 am Post subject: |
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Woops, I forgot about the warning needed here.  Duly added.
Actually, I doubt Storygame is registered, there's quite a lot of stuff out there by that name. In any case, mmm, ~rushes off to the trademark office~
Japan... nearly right.
{edit} Oh, and I haven't stopped writing tales! Just not so much on IF anymore. I thought it would be nice to visit the old place though. It's quaint.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 12:37 am Post subject: |
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K, so we have two get out of theres! Cool.
I forgot to mention, random ideas for this story can be given in this thread.
I'll not be putting a poll up for this one, being a Speed story.
I'm aiming for the next part today or tomorrow (China time), though I've been a bit derailed this weekend due to outside influences.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:57 am Post subject: |
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I'm sure Tome is getting as many links to IF, as we're getting to Tome. 
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:15 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | I'm sure Tome is getting as many links to IF, as we're getting to Tome. |
Probably about the same, though the suggestions thread is only on Tome for this one. (I only decided to post this on IF at the last moment).
Of course, you are always welcome to post Trade Windows up on Tome as a dual story too! 
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:03 am Post subject: |
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“Holy shit!” Ron leaped backwards as the freshly cleaned man lay tumbled onto the floor, where he lay, water slowly oozing out of his clothes.
Ignoring the screams of the women near the door for the moment, he knelt down and put two fingers on the neck of the stranger. Nothing. Of course, that could just mean he was doing it wrong, all he was going on here was several episodes of a TV show he’d watched recently, which hardly qualified him to work in the medical profession. Still, it was pretty likely being bounced around inside a launderette machine was going to have some fairly serious consequences.
He frowned. The man seemed familiar somehow.
His examination was cut short by a sharp jabbing to the shoulder, which turned out to be an umbrella wielded by one of the women that had recently entered. She poked him again and screamed away at him in some strange language, though from her expression it was easy to deduce that he was being blamed for the murder.
Murder! Ron jerked upright, avoiding another jab from the brolly.
“Hey listen!” he turned to face his accusers. There were three in the group, all middle aged ladies from their appearance. He couldn’t help noticing they were all Asian, and none of them were speaking, actually shouting, English.
“I don’t know this man!” He pointed at the body. “Me no know! You understand? Me not kill!” He made a stabbing gesture with his hand which, in hindsight, was probably not very calming.
The women shrieked again, the sound making Ron wince. Two of them pulled out phones and started dialing.
“Fuck this!” Ron quickly decided on a strategic withdrawal. Even though he was certain he was innocent, the whole thing would look better with some distance between him and it. Pushing the umbrella fiend out of his way he barged his way through the coven of evil and made his way towards the door.
And promptly tripped over the extended foot of the woman who’d spoken to him earlier. He twisted round to glare at her. She was still sitting in her seat, phone in hand, though now she had an evil grin on her face which widened, showing dark brown teeth as she hissed out several words in perfect English:
“Where is it?”
“Where’s what?” Ron gasped, scrabbling to his feet. The whole thing had taken no more than about five seconds, but already the three women were bearing down on him, umbrellas leveled like lances on medieval knights. He didn’t wait for an answer, but fled, smashing the door open and flying out into a busy street.
Several bodies bounced of him as he barged into the crowd of pedestrians. He ignored the angry shouts and pummeled his way through the people.
“Where the hell am I?” he gasped to himself, nearly getting run over by an old man on a three wheeled bike, who was pedaling along the sidewalk despite the mass of population already inhabiting it.
Panting hard, he slowed his pace a little. The shouts had died behind him, and the number of people worked in his favor, masking him from his pursuers, if there were any.
Slowly details began to impinge upon his consciousness. A large blue bus, packed to the gills with people, narrowly missed him, some kind of inbuilt megaphone chastising him as it did so. The buildings rising above were tall and modern, with signs in either Chinese or Japanese, he wasn’t sure which. Indeed, all the people passing by were Asian. And there were a lot of them.
“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore Toto,” Ron said to himself, pulling his horrible suit jacket about his body. Another point made itself apparent. It was cold.
Before he could work on this further, sirens made themselves heard over the noise of the crowd and traffic. He wasn’t sure if they were cop sirens, but the chance wasn’t something he wished to take.
“Time to make myself more scarce,” he said. Tucking his hands in his pockets, he marched into the crowd, head down whilst taking surreptitious glances form left to right, trying to adapt to his strange surroundings. Behind him he thought he heard shouts, but he couldn’t be sure.
Speeding up, he took a left turn, onto a smaller but still crowded street. The shops here were smaller too, but they were still just as alien. He moved on, dodging the people meandering about in front of him and crossed a street, where he was nearly run down by a large black Lexus, which had ignored the crossing sign.
“Jesus, these people are mad,” he muttered, skipping forward to avoid being mowed down by an electric bike driven by an old man. A small child was sitting in a custom seat behind the driver. The kid gave him a strange look as the bike went by.
The sound of sirens filled his ears again, and he quickened his pace, finally finding a small side alley which didn’t seem to be so busy, he ducked down into it.
Working his way past several large metal containers that smelled of something disgusting, he crouched down behind a large wooden crate. The sirens grew louder, and then started to fade, only to be replaced by shouts and the sound of people running.
“Damn it!” Ron swore, crunching down as much as possible behind the box.
“He’s down there!” he heard a man shout, followed by something in another language.
Two seconds later another man’s voice shouted something. It sounded short and to the point, and it didn’t take much imagination to translate it to: ‘Freeze!’
Ron weighed up the options, and risked a quick peek out from his hiding place. What he saw didn’t make him any happier. A group of men in what were undoubtedly police uniforms were making their way down the alley. The lead two had handguns, which darted back and forth as they advanced.
“Give it up!” Behind the police a shorter form in totally different garb stood and shouted out in English. Ron frowned and risked another peek out, which was a mistake.
The lead police officer, a tall wiry man, jumped on him and efficiently kneed him in the stomach.
Ron went down as the rest of the squad piled on, none to gently. He was kicked and punched in the ribs, and his face was forced onto the ground, which was none to clean.
The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was a familiar looking short bald man in a pink track suit beaming down at him.
~
For the second time Ron woke up aching all over and sitting on something uncomfortable.
“For the love of god,” he moaned, and opened his eyes.
He was lying on the floor, the cold hard floor, of a small room which bore every resemblance to a prison of some kind. The lack of windows, the single wooden table in the center with two plain chairs at opposite sides, the plain concrete walls with no decoration, and the sturdy looking metal door with small grill inset all added to the general ambience.
Clutching at his ribs, which seemed to creak, he coughed roughly and sat, painfully, upright, dragging himself backwards so he finally sat with his back to the freezing wall.
Looking down he saw his horrible blue suit was now a horrible, dirty, torn blue suit. The pink shirt was surprisingly clean though.
“Just my luck,” Ron coughed, spat blood and felt at his teeth. Several wobbled. “Fucking pigs,” he moaned.
Only then did he noticed that around one ankle was a thin cord. He followed the snaking lead along its length, to find it terminated in a house brick shaped stone which, for reasons unknown, had been painted silver. The cord had been threaded through a hole that had been drilled through the middle.
His contemplation was interrupted by loud clanging sounds from the door, which duly creaked open. A figure stepped into the cell and looked at him.
>>>>>>
Short and to the point then. Still better something than nothing eh?
So, the obvious Suggestion Phase question is: Who’s the figure? (And what do they want???)
<<<<<<
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:14 am Post subject: |
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Chinaren, we meet again.
Well obviously, the figure is a skeleton, wearing an elaborately decorated top hat with a big RED bow!
Just kidding! Well, I think that the figure should be a completly new character. Somebody who is there to help him. After all, there is obviously some kind of conspiracy against him (either that or he is having a really weird, disturbing dream!), and he's not going to find much out stuck in a cell, is he? He'll need to escape.
A more boring idea to my first, but fits in much better with the story. Enjoying it so far! 
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Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Tikanorazon wrote: | | Chinaren, we meet again. |
Ah, indeed my old adversary. Once more our paths cross, so you have evaded my minions. Still, now you come up against the master. Mwahahahhaha! ~chokes on evil laugh and has a coughing fit~ Bah, you win this round, but I'll be back!! ~Shakes fist~
| Tikarazon wrote: |
Well, I think that the figure should be a completly new character. Somebody who is there to help him. After all, there is obviously some kind of conspiracy against him (either that or he is having a really weird, disturbing dream!), and he's not going to find much out stuck in a cell, is he? He'll need to escape. |
Nice one Tika! Have you been peeking at my notes? Any thoughts on the description of this possibly benfactor? Tall man, dark glasses etc?
| Tikanninniaciacorazonon wrote: |
A more boring idea to my first, but fits in much better with the story. Enjoying it so far! |
Thank-you! It's not boring oh no. And thank you for the suggestion!
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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 My pleasure! I do my best to please!
As for the description, mabye a tall person (man or woman), who wears a long coat with the collar pulled up around their face, dark glasses and a hat, and doesn't say much. Completely disguised, so that they can go undetected throughout the story, and unveil themselves later. That way they could be good guys, who actually want to help him, or bad guys, who want to use him for their own means. Depends on the direction of the story and also how much mystery you want to impart into it, I guess.
Till we meet again, Chinaren!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:08 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | he barged his way through the coven of evil |
*giggles* A fun chapter, C'ren.
I'm not a fan of choosing what happens next unless it involves golden chamber pots. I'll leave that to others.
But good reading.
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:50 am Post subject: |
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No probs Smee, glad you giggled.
| TikaCo wrote: |
As for the description, mabye a tall person (man or woman), who wears a long coat with the collar pulled up around their face, dark glasses and a hat, and doesn't say much. Completely disguised, so that they can go undetected throughout the story, and unveil themselves later. That way they could be good guys, who actually want to help him, or bad guys, who want to use him for their own means.
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Nice idea there Tikaco!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 8:51 am Post subject: |
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Well, he's been given two items by the benevolent guy, one is a card for someone to go to, once he's got out of there, and another as yet unknown object.
Bit of a coincidence that the army dudes slammed his head into a table asking 'Where is it?'
So I am going for the bleedin' obvious, and that is the benevolent guy gave him the very item that the army dude wants - thus securing his release. Oh well, it's a gamble, isn't it?  As to what the actual item is, well that's for someone else to decide. Unless it is Smee's golden chamber pot.
As an aside, what happens if you receive suggestions that oppose each other, especially if they're being collected from two sites, since you're not doing polls? How will the decision be made?
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:16 am Post subject: |
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Back again, Chinaren,
Okay, my idea is based on him being in Japan, though you haven't actually confirmed where he is.
The japanese are known for their compact technology. So the mystery man/woman could have given him a very small case containing different things that he might need, such as a tool to cut through the cord around his ankle and mabye some miniature smoke bombs, to aid his escape. Thats all I've got at the moment.
Till we meet again. 
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:36 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm. I think the business card directs him to someone who has "it" or knows more about "it". I think the item he was given was, perhaps, a pill that will make him appear temporarily dead, thereby causing the mafia-esque folks to dump him somewhere, and allowing his escape?
whadyathink?
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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I actually found this last chapter very funny ( sorry i guess swearing and beat downs are funny to me... ahem!) I think the item that he was handed is a receiver for an item that has a tracking device on it and the only way to get out is to co operate with the guys that just beat the hell out of him weather he wants or not ( that's if he wants to survive)
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Crunchyfrog wrote: |
As an aside, what happens if you receive suggestions that oppose each other, especially if they're being collected from two sites, since you're not doing polls? How will the decision be made? |
If I get enough suggestions that I like, but can't be 'mixed' in, I'll do a poll on both sites. However, as it's a speed story, there's usually not really enough time to poll so I just stick in as many ideas as I can, or choose one I like the best!
Some ideas may appear further down the line.
So, good ideas here guys, from Tome and IF together we have:
So I am going for the bleedin' obvious, and that is the benevolent guy gave him the very item that the army dude wants - thus securing his release
I think the item that he was handed is a receiver for an item that has a tracking device on it and the only way to get out is to co operate with the guys that just beat the hell out of him weather he wants or not ( that's if he wants to survive)
So the mystery man/woman could have given him a very small case containing different things that he might need, such as a tool to cut through the cord around his ankle and mabye some miniature smoke bombs, to aid his escape.
I think the item he was given was, perhaps, a pill that will make him appear temporarily dead, thereby causing the mafia-esque folks to dump him somewhere, and allowing his escape
A small box, containing a smaller weapon of some sort. Something really futuristic or hi-tech, but he can't use it dues to lack of batteries
A voice recorder.
He thinks up someway to bribe the guard at his door but it turns out he has to come with him as a result. The guard isn't the brightest crayon in the box either.
...I may have to put up a poll for this one after all!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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You forget Ren old pal that you have IF and Tome to deal with and us on IF even though we are few and are not on very often aren't too shabby when it comes to coming up with ideas
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 5:41 am Post subject: |
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With the 'temporarily dead idea', what if they didn't dump him somewhere. They might bury him. Then he's dead for real (though you might break the record for the speediest speed game if that was the case!). 
Though, I suppose if your desperate enough you might risk it anyway.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:59 am Post subject: |
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I think that he should go to the town/city. There is bound to be an internet cafe there, at the very least a payphone. Then he might be able to contact this Mcphoney character.
Also, I don't have the slightest clue as to how much a fifty renminbi note is worth, but mabye, if it is worth enough, he might be able to buy himself some essentials, such as food, drink, possibly some decent clothes, and a hotel room (or something like it) so that he can bathe. But then, like I said, I don't know what it is worth. It could be worth bugger all.
By the way, great chapter, Chinaren! 
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Lilith
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:33 am Post subject: |
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Looks good Ren just make sure to post a warning for the language please
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:08 am Post subject: |
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Todays installment will probably not make it, as I'm a bit unwell. Hopefully tomorrow.
@Kang: There's a great big red warning at the top. 
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Lilith
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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Still not back?
Hope your not too ill C-ren. Get well soon.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks guys. I'm still not 100%, but the next chapter is 67% done, so hopefully will get it up* today.
*Not like that you dirty pervert. Although...
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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not a 100% but the chappy is 67% done does that mean your only 83% all there
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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oooh Very nice Ren you've taken a SG and made it in to a sub RP which takes some talent as for questions i would want to know what the heck happened and why Ron is there and what he supposed to do to reclaim what he has lost
As for what McPhony looks like he could be half american half chinese possibly in his mid 40's body showing some considerable wear but not so much that his skin is falling off of him and has a sense of intellect but acts half dumb at times
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:16 am Post subject: |
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Welcome back C-Ren!
Great chapter. Well, of course Ron will have to ask the obvious, why is he there, how did he get there, what is the 'it' that everyone keeps demanding from him, e.c.t.
And if I was Ron, my priority would be to try and get back home, but if that happened here, there would be no story. Unless he tried to get home and was prevented from doing so, and would probably then find out everything then anyway.
I was thinking about the long term story the other night. Why do these people think that he has something. I thought that mabye he could have amnesia of some kind, and that throughout the story, he starts to remember things. The last memory he has of being in the pub/bar with his friend could have happened years ago (you can tell I'm dying to write my own story on here, right).
As for Mcphoney, I think he should be an aging chinese man, not particularly tall or well built, with thinning hair. Chinese people tend to stay pretty fit, well into old age, so he could still be useful if required to fight. But being an older, not particularly strong looking man would be better cover for himself. I mean, lets face it, Mc-'PHONEY'. It's gotta be fake, right?  But I could be wrong.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:02 am Post subject: |
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Oh, I forgot to say on my last post.
*down on her knees begging*
Please, please, please, please, please don't have anything happen to the dog in the story. Violence against any humans I can stand, but not animals, especially dogs. 
*composes herself*
Later alligator!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| Tikanni Corazon wrote: | Oh, I forgot to say on my last post.
*down on her knees begging*
Please, please, please, please, please don't have anything happen to the dog in the story. Violence against any humans I can stand, but not animals, especially dogs.
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Oh. Oh dear. That poor poor dog. Mwa. Mwaha. MWahahahahahahaha!
So far, for old Phoney we have, from Tome and IF:
Mr. Phoney is a fair-featured man. A little too fair-featured, in fact. Borderline androgynous, even. He's wearing a well-kept suit, despite the dust around him, and a top hat is set slightly off-center on his head, a cane in his hand that he continues to switch from one hand to the other, but without seeming to move it.
I'd say McPhoney looks like an old englishman, with a pipe hanging out of his mouth where two teeth are missing... just enough room for the pipe to rest. He has a foxy gleam in his eye and wild tufts of white hair jutting out from under a safari hat. Lets not forget the brown shorts that openly display his knobby knees.
As for Mcphoney, I think he should be an aging chinese man, not particularly tall or well built, with thinning hair. Chinese people tend to stay pretty fit, well into old age, so he could still be useful if required to fight. But being an older, not particularly strong looking man would be better cover for himself. I mean, lets face it, Mc-'PHONEY'. It's gotta be fake, right?
...I think I could probably merge all of these in some twisted fashion!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:53 am Post subject: |
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You are so evil!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Amichan
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| Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:13 am Post subject: |
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don't put it past him he would make it work some how
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