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Zeke
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 Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 4:13 pm Post subject: Neutrinos- Chapter two is up. (Polls closed) |
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I'd like to start a story, here. It's a little short, but I feel like I've reached a decision point pretty quickly and I kind of feel like anything I add is padding. Maybe I'm not asking the right questions. I'm certainly open to suggestions.
But here goes a first try:
Neutrinos
Prologue:
Deep inside the underground laboratory, Joel's string of failed experiments finally spurred Dr. Wiezer to confront his prized graduate student. "I am cognizant of the facts, of course … But I'm sorry, your experiment was not-so-much a success, as they say."
Dr. Wiezer's attempt at humor did not make Joel smile. The smile on the professor's lips did not last long, either. Dr. Wiezer slapped his hand against the reinforced glass of the door for emphasis. "The cold hard reality can hit a person hard, but we can--we ARE losing our funding for this project of yours."
The slap on the glass rang in Joel's ears. The professor's words were no longer registering. Joe felt his face flushing warmly as he bit his lip and blinked with sudden interest at the Institute's logo on the door. He may as well pack his things.
Joel held the doorknob for a second, thinking of what he might say. He thought about the data from his latest experiment. The increasing energy delta indicated something was going on. Still, he could not prove that this indicated the presence of dark matter. There could still be a fundamental error in his equations.
Joel sighed. Lost hours, lost weeks. Joel remembered seeing a grey hair this morning in his bathroom mirror. Damn it.
Dr. Weizer had stopped talking. He was polishing his glasses. Joel stared at the professor for a few seconds.
"Okay…uhm. See you later, then." Joel mumbled. If he would have looked back he might have seen a baffled expression on the professor's face, but he did not look back.
*********
The bootstrap program operates in a limited fashion at first. It pulls at the particles weakly. It influences them in minute but calculated ways. Its own mass accretes from the coded stream of neutrinos. In addition, the particles the program influences begin to influence other particles, until the particles themselves begin to assemble into microscopic structures. Like bacteria, the structures multiply into legion, yet barely discernable as a slight slimy texture on a doorknob …
**********
Chapter One: Waking up
Zpudnik wakes up slowly, his leathery eyelids opening heavily. His skin hurts everywhere as it scratches against rough fabric on which he lies. The joints of his body creak into motion. This primitive body is what he is expecting, but still not feeling quite right. The proportions are all wrong. The brow is too narrow and high, the legs too long and thin. The body seems to be wearing some several garments made of woven fibers, but of an inconsistent technology.
The sower casts the seed. Some land on rocky soil and other land on shallow soil only to sprout and die. It is the seed that lands on fertile ground that grows. Fertile ground.
As if the words are a signal, Zpudnik finds his body suddenly breaking into a sudden and violent coughing and sneezing. He feels his body heave as a viscous fluid pours from his nose and mouth and even from his ears and out his eye sockets. The silvery fluid pools on the coarsely woven fabric on which he lies. As he watches, the pooled fluid melts away to a thin stain the color of oxidized iron. The color of blood, he remembers.
He explores his body around him – head, ears, nose, arms, elbows, abdomen, sex, thighs, calves, feet, hands. As he rotates his feet down to the floor, he feels an odd dissonance with the muscle memories of his new body. The knees bend the wrong way—an inefficient evolutionary carryover that he must now deal with firsthand. His internal awareness is muted, but he can still feel that his new body is missing some internal organs. It takes him a moment to identify a certain heart arrhythmia as normal for a creature with only one heart. He had known these things, but even the kinesthetic simulations did not prepare him completely.
An odd sound is transmitted through the air from a location elsewhere in what he can only assume is an atmospheric isolation shelter. He recognizes the sound he is hearing as a female vocalization of an earlier hominid species.
"Joel..heyjoel…canweatleasttalkabout … it? Comeondownanletshavesomecoffee…"
Zpudnik's heart accelerates and he feels the muscles in his abdomen contract. He needs to remain inconspicuous and to interact smoothly with the native population, but when he parses the words carefully he recognizes them from a much later historic era than he had expected.
He will need to reevalute his mission. He is not equipped for something so specific from such an intelligent species. He really needs more accurate information. He misses the Presence. The frequency of the Presence is jammed with a cacophony of the modulated signals of this era. It will not help him now.
Where was he? When was he? Who was he? He needs answers. He struggles to formulate a clear reply to the female vocalization. He is not certain that he will be able to manipulate his vocal cords with the precision demanded of this era. He casts about for answers. A simple data transmission device lies on a table near the sleeping platform. It might have some answers.
He could always go the bold route and try to communicate with the female. She may not react well to the loss of the hapless sentient that Zpudnik had inadvertently displaced.
He searches his mind for answers, but if anything is still remains of the displaced personality, they are only the most minute fragments.
What will he do?
Last edited by Zeke on Thu May 13, 2010 1:02 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting start Zeke!  Sparked my curiousity! What is Zpudnik? I'm sure all will be revealed!
I think that mabye he should ignore the voice for the moment, and, quietly, try out his vocal cords, before trying to interact with any other human beings. Best thing to do, I think, if he wishes to remain inconspicuous. And if he finds that he can't use them, he's no worst off than he is now.
Great start! Can't wait for more! 
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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This is really good so far. I like the main character's name (apparently derived from the name of the first satellite?) And the topic matter is fascinating stuff.
I say he just displays his physical distress to her wordlessly... this would likely be the most acceptable way of buying some time before needing to attempt communication. (probably end him up in a hospital but that might be useful to him as well)
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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Zeke
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:53 am Post subject: |
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Hey, thanks for reading my story, Tikanni and Thunderbird!
Feel free to tear it apart, if you feel inclined. I love an insightful critique. I intended to provide some mystery, but I hope that the story isn't a complete blank. If I've been a little abstract, in the first chapter, the intent there was to illustrate the perspective of Zpudnik and the prologue was intended more to set the stage.
So far, both reasonable suggestions--have Zpudnik try out his voice before attempting communication and the other to just try to communicate wordlessly.
The first decision point could be quite complex, so I'm glad that I was able to bring across enough sense of urgency so that you can agree that responding to the woman was the primary decision.
Thank you for your responses!
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:32 am Post subject: |
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Interesting start to the tale. I like the mystery of it, the questions you haven't yet answered.
Looks like all routes are risky at the moment. What he needs more than anything right now is time. So I'd say play for it. Pretend a fainting fit, be difficult to rouse - maybe groggy and unresponsive. The worst that can happen is that an ambulance gets called. There may be reasons why he doesn't want his body examined too closely by paramedics, but he can deal with that at the time.
In the meantime, he gets at least a couple of minutes to get his act together and find the resources he needs to deal with the female, without giving himself away. 
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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Well, feedback-wise... is it Doctor Weiner or Doctor Weizer? Otherwise, I hope you plan to explain the details of the science project going on in the opening eventually... the second little portion, a blurb if you will, seems to be a hint at this but was so free-floating there that it was hard to tell which portion of the tale you were referring to or if it was just there as a whole third, disconnected concept.
I really have few things to crit here as it accomplished its goal as an opener and did it well... it definately has me interested in reading more! And few to no grammatical errors that I could see.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:20 pm Post subject: |
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Fascinating start there, Zeke.
I'm not sure he needs to worry about communicating his physical distress or playing up that he's ill. The bloodstains on the sheet will be enough to worry the female should she come into the room, and will cover up any inadvertent strangeness in his behaviour, at least for now.
I think he should play with the 'data transmitting device' - I am thinking that this is probably a radio.
If nothing else it should help him get to grips with manual dexterity and get him used to the body he now inhabits, and get him accustomed to the language patterns of this time and species.
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Thunderbird
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Zeke
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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Thunderbird,
Thanks for catching the name. I think Dr. Weiner was the first name I used. I changed it because I didn't like it. I've edited the entry to be consistently Dr. Weizer.
I don't think it's a spoiler to say that all three narratives are directly related and are three different points of view on the same situation. I had intended the second narrative to foreshadow that these three events are connected.
Crunchyfrog,
It makes sense that the "blood" stains could cause enough fuss.
Because I'm showing from Zpudnik's POV, I had to be vague about the "data transmitting device", but you're on the right track. Playing with the device is definitely an idea.
Shady Stoat,
That's a good insight: "There may be reasons why he doesn't want his body examined too closely by paramedics ...", but delaying makes sense.
Thank you for your feedback, everybody!
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Zeke
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| Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 7:51 pm Post subject: |
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I posted a poll. I'm not sure if this needs a bump to be seen.
I can put other options up if you have a strong interest. Otherwise, I'm eager to get to writing the next chapter whatever you decide!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:17 am Post subject: |
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And another bump!
Hope to see more of this soon, Zeke.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I can't seem to be able to vote on this one, but nonetheless I will keep an eye on it. It's quite entertaining.
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Zeke
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| Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Two: You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack ...
Zpudnik ponders his options as he sits on the edge of the sleeping platform.
The sheet of fabric beneath him feels softer, now. It is a sign to him of how he is growing more accustomed to the muted sensorium of this new body. Zpudnik wears a basic plain tunic and some coarse indigo-stained fabric covers his legs. The leggings fasten cleverly in the front with a comb of brass tines that knit together when the clasp is slid up.
Zpudnik looks over his surroundings. His new eyes begin to differentiate several discrete electromechanical devices. A large rectangular panel to his left is probably a display, with an attached device that may be for input. The attached device consists of mostly a hundred or so small buttons. They are marked with printed symbols that resemble that of the smaller data transmission device.
Adjacent to the devices is a two-dimensional representation. On it is the image of a woman and a man. Impulsively, Zpudnik takes the picture into his hands and finds himself staring at it.
In the picture, the woman's auburn hair is severed close to her head. Her shining brown eyes seem to lack nictating membranes that Zupnik had expected. Her smile is broad and almost feral, revealing a row of very large teeth. Despite the apparently aggressive smile, the woman is embracing the man with one arm around his lower back and her hand at his waist. The man is also smiling and has his head turned slightly toward the woman. He also has his top hair cut short, but it is a darker brown and not red like the woman's at all. The couple in the picture looks somehow familiar to Zpudnik, as does the artificial structure in the background of the picture.
Zpudnik senses that perhaps the couple is mated. With this thought, he wobbles with sudden vertigo and drops a hand back to brace himself.
"Joel?"
Startled, Zpudnik fumbles the picture and watches it fall to the floor. The floor is a hard uniform surface, made from smooth planks of plant cellulose. The picture hits the surface hard. The brittle glass covering the picture shatters and a spider's web of fractures obscures the picture. As large pieces fall away from the frame there is a moment of clarity: a man and a woman, together. Then the picture falls over, face down among the shards.
Zpudnik looks up at the owner of the voice, a woman who is staring into Zpudnik's eyes. Her eyes are those same brown agates, but a film of fatigue obscures their clarity like the nictating membranes he had expected. Zpudnik feels a tightness in his throat as he recognizes her from the picture. He can feel his single heart pumping wildly and could hear a roaring in his ears.
"Are you okay … Joel?" Her voice sounds distant. Her eyes widen as they take in the blood on the sheets and her voice goes up an octave.
"Oh my God, Joel."
The woman grabs small data device from the table and quickly presses a few buttons.
"911? … Yes." She speaks abstractly and does not make eye contact with Zpudnik. He senses that she is not speaking to him. Perhaps the data device is some kind of audio transmitter.
"My name is Lydia Wood. I live at 219 Fairmont Ave. My--" She hesitates and glances briefly down at Zpudnik. "My … boyfriend … is very sick. I need an ambulance."
As she continues speaking, Zpudnik says nothing.
From her reaction, Zpudnik surmises that she thinks something is wrong with his body. Perhaps it is a good strategy to strengthen the impression of some kind of malfunction. It would explain his disorientation in a plausible manner. He wills his stomach to disgorge itself in a heaving gasp and this body's last meal spills out on the cellulose floor below the sleeping platform. The puddle fills the room with the smell of bile. It is not a comforting smell.
Lydia makes no further comment to him, but stops talking to the device.
She reaches out her hand for his as he lies back amongst the blood-stained fabric. When he simply drops his hand down at his side, her empty fingers close slowly in the air and she suddenly withdraws her fist. She bites down on her knuckles as she turns her head away for a moment.
Zpudnik closes his eyes and reaches up to rub his temples as if experiencing pain. He does not fake the dizziness with which he already seemed afflicted.
Lydia, Zpdnik thinks. It reminds him of something. He automatically queries The Presence before he once again is sorely reminded that it is not there. The familiarity of the name "Lydia" remains, vaguely gnawing at his mind.
Lydia of the Wood, description speak me. Zpudnik subvocalizes experimentally. He keeps his eyes closed and tries to focus his mind.
It is now clear to Zpudnik that this was Joel's body. Lydia is probably Joel's mate. Zpudnik can not see himself, but he can surmise that his is the body from the picture. Will Lydia know? Can she, should she know that he is not the man in the picture, though he may occupy the same body?
This body. It must be homo sapien sapien. He can not remember if there were other humanoid species alive at this time, but guesses that these were the dominant species in any case. He is almost certain that Homo sapiens neanderthalensis had become extinct by this era.
He can feel softness in the hands and the subtle and smooth textures of the materials in his garments. This era is clearly post-agricultural, if only by a few thousand years or so. The technology of this era can help him to complete his mission, but might also hinder his need for secrecy.
Zpudnik's finds his thoughts now turning to the irrevocable loss of the sentient mind. It was the mind of one his ancestors, however distant and Zpudnik feels the cold down to his bones.
Zpudnik is accustomed to thinking abstractly. Nevertheless, it is fitting that Zpudnik will feel grief for the loss of this man. The woman Lydia will certainly not react well to the loss of her mate and the need for secrecy is stronger than ever in this sentient era. Could Zpudnik pass as "Joel"? Should he even attempt it? The Gedfan had anticipated a bolder strategy--one that would require very little subterfuge among the unsophisticated protohumans of the intended era.
In his own time, the theoretical "discussions" among the minds had never reached a satisfactory consensus. Ironically, Zpudnik will never know whether this temporal incursion will or perhaps already caused a branching of history. A branching of history into an alternate universe will simply negate any effect of a temporal incursion on the original timeline. The temporal incursion simply would not have happened.
Zpudnik ultimately has to trust in the faith of the Gedfan in their decision to initiate this mission, however costly. For them, it was a calculated risk. Even in the case of an immediate branching the mission would serve the humanity of the alternate timeline. Zpudnik's sacrifice was worth the contribution to the mission, but is Zpudnik himself worthy? How can he judge the loss of this contemporary to be in the best interest of the Living Presence?
***
By the time the people that Lydia summoned with her device arrived, Zpudnik has fallen into a light doze. The two men and woman that enter the room are dressed in similar monochrome white clothing and move with a practiced efficiency of motion. Zpudnik sits up quickly, but he only listens carefully to their words and says nothing.
For a moment, one of the men points a bright portable light directly into first one of Zpudnik's eyes, then the other. He starts asking Zpudnik a series of pointed questions about who he is and where he thinks he is. Zpudnik trembles, but when he doesn't answer the questions, the man does not pursue it further.
Instead the man starts asking Lydia about him as the others carefully, but systematically move Zpudnik to a smaller portable platform. Once on the platform, they roll and carry the platform out of the room and down some stairs. Zpudnik keeps his eyes partly open and tries to absorb what he can.
He has apparently been on the second level of some artificial structure, presumably a domicile for Lydia and her mate. He glimpses more small artifacts—more pictures, more platforms of various sizes and materials, eating implements, more electromechanical devices—hundreds of items whose purpose would undoubtably become obvious with time, but aren't immediately clear to Zpudnik.
****
Lydia followed the ambulance to the hospital in the Civic. Her hands clenched the steering wheel as she tried to remember the directions. She probably should have ridden with Joel in the ambulance. She just needed a few more minutes to think. When Joel came home from the lab last night he did seem a little quiet. Perhaps that should have been a clue.
Nobody could blame her for what happened to Joel. Maybe he had some kind of stroke. Shit. Shit. Damn.
Lydia picked up her cell from the seat beside her. She thumbed through her contacts with the other hand on the wheel. Joel's sister was in the address book.
"Jeanette?", Lydia asked. Jeanette sighed "Yeah? What?"
"Something has happened." Lydia began.
"It's Joel." Lydia said.
Jeanette agreed to call the others, so Joel's mother and brother also came and met Lydia in the hospital waiting room. Lydia stood up to greet them all as they came in. Lydia didn't really know Joel's mom or his brother, so it was Jeanette that she approached first.
"Jeanette." Lydia blurted. "Joel is getting an MRI. They don't know what's happened. They don't know why he was coughing blood. But they're doing the MRI ... sorry, I said that already ..."
Jeanette looked Lydia up and down.
"What happened to him, then?" Jeanette raised a brow. "I mean, did he just collapse? Tell me from the start." To Joel's mother, Jeanette had to add, "Mom, this is Lydia. She's the ... girl ... Joel's been with."
Jeanette stopped talking and Lydia continued. She told them everything she knew.
"So, this morning, I come up and he's sitting there staring with this look on his face ... I don't know ... like he's confused and doesn't know where he is. He looks at me with this blank look and I could see that he just wasn't all there." Lydia continued.
"Oh, and there's blood." Lydia said. "There was a lot of blood, mostly dried--on the mattress--and no ... it's not what you are thinking!" Lydia snapped at Jeanette. "He had dried blood on his chin, too, which he didn't even wipe off. He just sat there with this look on his face. Oh, if you'd seen him."
Lydia's hand shook as she pulled out her cell phone and she gestured with it weakly. "So after I called 911 and the ambulance came, I called Jeanette and she called you guys."
Jeanette coughed. "You know. He needs to talk to me when he gets done with ... this. He called me last night. So I'm not surprised that he's not talking." She looked Lydia in the eye. "He probably just had a nosebleed."
"No. Seriously. There is something wrong." Lydia interjected and then stopped. "What did he tell you last night?"
"I guess he didn't tell you." Jeanette smirked for a second and then her expression melted back into her customary scowl. "He lost his internship, then."
"But ... I mean, he spit up blood this morning. I saw that. He threw up." Lydia finished. "You don't think...?"
"He isn't talking to you." Jeanette finished. Lydia sighed, but didn't comment.
Lydia looked over a Jeanette. "I don't know what you have against me, but he would tell me. He's sick. The doctor is thinking possibly a stroke."
The family who was all staring at Lydia now. "They are doing an MRI to see if there is something going on," Lydia continued, nodding slowly, "but they say that he reacts well to stimulation in his legs and his body is working okay."
A doctor in a lab coat stepped into the waiting room and cleared his throat. He waited a moment to catch everyone's attention.
"So..." The doctor began. "First off, we didn't find any evidence of a stroke. So that is the good news." He took a breath. "However, we saw what appears to be some kind of foreign object near the juncture of his parietal and temporal lobes. Like shrapnel ..."
"No." Joel's mom stated flatly. "He's never been in the military. He talked about going ROTC at one point."
"We don't know if it is related to his symptoms." said the doctor.
"Symptoms?" asked Jeanette.
"The obvious disorientation, the aphasia--" said the doctor.
"--the what?" interrupted Joel's mom.
"Aphasia. Loss of words." continued the doctor. "Anyways, we aren't sure."
"Is he unconscious? What can we do?" Jeanette questioned. "Can you take it out?"
"Well." The doctor paused. "That's one option."
"... and the other option?" asked Lydia.
"We could leave it there.", the doctor explained, "It doesn't seem to be causing any swelling of the brain tissues and it seems pretty entrenched. His cranial pressure is fine. The spinal tap doesn't show any meningitus."
The doctor ran his hand over the top of his head. "It's strange. The object almost looks like it just grew there, it is so well-integrated. Usually shrapnel has some scar tissue around it, some damage to the tissue. This is so well-healed it must have been there for years."
"We're thinking that we should just wait this one out and see how he feels in a few days." The doctor concluded.
"Ok." There were a few nods and Jeanette and her mom exchanged a look. "Can we see him?"
****
Later, Lydia went to clean up Joel's room at the house.
As she went to change the sheets, she saw the framed picture and shattered glass lying on the floor. Behind the picture of Joel and her was the corner of another photo sticking out. It had been hidden behind the first picture. Lydia felt herself holding her breath as she carefully pulled the corner of the second picture out.
Joel had kept that picture--it was a picture of a younger and more reckless Lydia with longer hair, soaking wet. She had a mug of beer held high triumphantly in one hand. Lydia eyes strayed lower and she flushed red. She folded the picture in half and stuffed it in her pocket.
The next day when Lydia visited, Joel remained mute. Lydia assumed that his sister and mother were also visiting pretty often, but she didn't see them. On Tuesday afternoon, however, she caught his sister and mother mid-conversation in the hallway near Joel's room at the hospital.
"You may as well go in." Jeanette said. She was pulling her coat on as she spoke. "At least he wants to see you." She put the emphasis on "you." She frowned and shook her head.
"What do you mean by that?" Lydia asked.
"He asks for Lydia Wood. May I see Lydia Wood, please? He asks ... Eh. Never mind." Jeanette scuffed the toe of her shoe against the baseboard of the wall. Then she flipped the tail of her scarf over her shoulder. "Let's go home, Mom.", she directed.
Lydia glanced at Jeanette, but then straightened up as she walked to Joel's room. Whatever.
"Joel." She smiled broadly. "You asked for me! Are you feeling better?" Lydia sat on the edge of the bed, still smiling. She locked her eyes on Joel.
Joel sat up straighter against the backboard. "Lydia Wood". He smiled tentatively. Lydia guessed he was a little weak, yet. "I believe that I would like to go home, now."
****
Notes:
Okay. So I've simultaneously have a zillion decision points here and have none in particular at the same time. Still, I feel like if I push forward then I'm just writing a straight linear story and I wanted to get away from that. Also, at some point I wanted to actually post something. This has already been through a few revisions.
So here are the major questions facing Joel/Zpudnik as I see them:
Mission: How covert is "the mission" going to be?
Lydia: How does he want to continue/initiate? his relationship with Lydia?
Family: What kind of contact does he want with them?
Joel's job?: Does he want to/need to continue any kind of pursuit as far as lab access? (hint: probably.)
I'd love to hear what anyone/everyone has to say.
Last edited by Zeke on Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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Joined: 25 Oct 2009
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Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).
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| Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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I wondered when we'd get to see chapter two of this...
I think the mission should remain a secret for now. He needs to get used to this new body, and life in this new body.
I think it would be wise to stay with Lydia for now. She seems to care very much for Joel, so she may forgive him for any strange behaviour.
The family should be avoided for now, as should work/the lab, for the same reason that the mission should remain secret. He is not used to Joels life, so he needs to settle into it better first, before going out and living it. Though, no doubt, he will need to go to the lab at some point in the future.
How are the DPs going to work? Are you going to have multiple polls?
This is a good chapter, Zeke, and I look forward to chapter three!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Zeke
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| Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you, Tikanni ...
I hadn't decided how to do the decision points--but multiple polls sound like a good idea. There are a lot of directions to go and probably quite a few things I've implied that I'm not aware of yet.
Actually, I decided to delete the last poll to avoid confusion.
Results of the last poll:
Question: What should Zpudnik do first?
Try out his voice carefully before attempting to talk to the woman. 25% [ 1 ]
Communicate wordlessly with the woman. 0% [ 0 ]
Fake a medical emergency. 50% [ 2 ]
Play with the "data transmitting device". 25% [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, Shady Stoat, Thunderbird, Tikanni Corazon
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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Very, very interesting. I like this story, I really do. If you keep it up, I could easily see this becoming my favorite storygame.
For the moment, I think Zputnik's mission should remain as covert as possible. Well, I don't know what his mission is yet, but from the look of it, a lot of history depends on it-- so it should be top secret. Don't reveal anything to anyone until developing a concrete plan.
In Lydia perhaps Zputnik has found an ally. For the time being, she can help Zputnik familiarize himself with his surrounding. The family must not be neglected either, but they seem hostile to Lydia. This may eventually force Zputnik to choose between the two groups. Lydia, however, is probably more flexible in adjusting to Zputnik's purposes. The lab is also probably a good bet. Anything Zputnik can do in terms of exploration is potentially useful.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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Good to see you back with this SG, Zeke. These are amazing ideas you have, here. Inside a body - the wrong body in the wrong era - the body of someone who's in a relationship with someone who's family disapproves of... hints of a previous argument beforehand - a lab...
How can he get back to the lab, though if he's lost his internship? Perhaps it will not be clear yet until he has full access to Joel's memory.
Difficult to know what Zpudnik wants right now as we're with Lydia at the moment, and a few days have passed...
I think the first thing Lydia will want to do is question him about what happened in the lab the night he came home, and why he didn't tell her anything. This seems to be the source of the disagreement when they all met up at the hospital the first time, and also it will help her - and the doctors - try and establish what actually happened to him immediately prior to being taken to hospital the following morning.
I am also curious as to whether or not his medical records have been accessed since - whether or not there is any evidence of how the foreign object got into his brain.
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Zeke
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| Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the feedback!
No doubt Lydia has a bunch of questions for "Joel" and I could see her becoming an ally of Zpudnik.
Some of the points like the medical mystery of the "shrapnel" are more points of exposition than decision points. Still I imagine that whether or not Joel seems fine, the people who know him and care about him will be wanting to pursue it not just out of curiousity but because they might think that the shrapnel is a threat to him.
As for Zpudnik, I imagine that the point of keeping his mission covert is probably a good idea, but is definitely a decision point and should be polled. Maybe that can be my first poll.
As you don't yet know Zpudnik's mission explicity, its hard to gauge how people would react to it (help, hurt). Zpudnik may need to be careful about the historical repercussions. (He also may have been equipped with tools intended for a less civilized era .)
Of some of the options I'm looking at for the poll are:
Zpudnik tries to pass as "Joel" and keeps his mission completely covert.
Zpudnik bares all to Lydia and tells her everything, but tries to swear her to secrecy.
Zpudnik tells Lydai that he is Zpudnik, but doesn't tell her his mission.
Zpudnik is completely open about who he is and his mission to everyone.
Zpudnik doesn't try to pass as Joel, but doesn't offer any explanation.
*******
So, out of my own curiousity ... how do you manage decision points for different points of view? In "Trade Windows", Mart and Targh are roughly aligned in their goals. They're friends and work together. But how would you manage it if they were working against each other?
In my case, it isn't so much that my characters are working against each other as they are simply different points of view. To begin with, these characters range:
from Lydia and Joel's family; from Zpudnik to possibly even the the memories of Joel manifested as a sort of subconscious (or even conscious?!) force.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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When you're asking players to participate in multiple polls, you're asking them to roleplay different characters simultaneously. Although more difficult, it's fun. As the author, you will need to be prepared for some surprising results, though.
In Trade Windows, although Mart and Targh's goals are aligned, neither knows what the other is doing, so there is still room for interesting twists.
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Zeke
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| Posted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 11:09 am Post subject: |
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I posted a poll. Let me know if you'd like other options.
I'm starting with Zupnik, but may poll for Lydia's response as well.
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Zeke
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| Posted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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So, here is the results of the last poll:
What should Zpudnik tell?
Nothing. Let people think what they will. 25% [ 1 ]
Tell Lydia everything, but swear her to secrecy. 0% [ 0 ]
Tell Lydia who he really is, but not his mission. 0% [ 0 ]
Be completely open about everything. 0% [ 0 ]
Pretend to be Joel and keep mission secret. 75% [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Scheherazade, Tikanni Corazon
Thanks for voting! Looks like we're leaning towards complete secrecy, but with Zpudnik maintaining the role of Joel.
(As a side note-- I'm not intending Zpudnik to be a Gary Stu stand in for myself, despite call him Zeke in the last poll. Please shoot me if it looks like I'm doing so. )
So, moving on, I've posted another poll for Lydia. Let me know what you think if it pleases you.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 4:44 am Post subject: |
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| It'll be interesting to see how the results of these two options combine. And voted!
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Zeke
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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Results of the last poll:
How should Lydia deal with Joel?
Interrogate him. He's up to something. I can smell it. 25% [ 1 ]
Let it lie. We'll ... work it out. 75% [ 3 ]
Interesting. Who knew Joel could be mysterious? 0% [ 0 ]
Great. Now I have to take care of him. Maybe I can unload him somehow... 0% [ 0 ]
Why, a girl like me is just lucky to have a guy like him. I ought to tell myself to STFU and be happy. Yeah. 0% [ 0 ]
Poor, sweet, damaged Joel. He needs someone like me. 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Scheherazade, Tikanni Corazon
So looks like Lydia is going to let it work out naturally and not make any obvious changes and Zpudnik is going to pretend to be Joel and keep his mission secret for now.
I'm excited to write another chapter!
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