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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:33 am Post subject: Door Handle - (Storygame suspended)

The Door Handle Storygame has been suspended while it is edited into a CYOA format. It can still be read in CYOA form on the Never Ending Story engine at www.infinite-story.com Last edited by Crunchyfrog on Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:20 am; edited 26 times in total

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The White Blacksmith
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:21 am Post subject:

Well, for someone who's been selling fruit and vegetables since childhood, I know my way around here like the back of my hand. As such, I know a small jitty which cuts into the side street she's just turned into. I might have to leave my barrow tucked away in there, but I should be able to catch up with her, or just watch the chase as it unfurls. I reckon the farmer and cohorts should be able to catch her and I want to see what happens when they do, but my barrow will slow me down too much without taking a shortcut. _________________ Tea Cures All.

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Tikanni Corazon
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:34 am Post subject:

Woohoo! A Crunchy story, that I don't have to wait for an empty house to read! I don't think that he should join in the chase. He's already said that he needs to protect his wears from the street urchins, and that hasn't changed, just because some girl got into trouble at the local pub. Besides, if it was me, I would be far more interested in the object that she gave me. I am intrigued to know what it ,might be, and why she gave it to him. From the way that she threw it at him, almost panicked, would suggest that it may have been what got her into trouble. And, if he wants to know anything about the girl herself, the best thing for him to do, would be to ask someone who had been in the pub at the time. Ask why she was in so much trouble, and if anybody knows who she is. If they do, he can find her later, if he needs to. Great start Crunchy! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887

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D-Lotus
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:42 pm Post subject:

I found a couple of anachronisms that foreshadow in a neat way the coming of this woman from the future:

Quote:

But the blanket over your barrow is not waterproof

You use it in a literal sense, but it seems that "waterproof" would be a modern description. If this was intentional it was a clever foreshadowing technique.

Quote:

Her hair, short like a man's, is already wet with the rain as she pounds along the middle of the road like an athlete

Hmm, how would our hero be familiar with athletes? Not too prevalent in his times (1700-1800?) I would think. Maybe he's also a time-traveler who has forgotten his identity, and these intuitive insights into modern culture are sequels of his past memories.

The title is still a mystery. A door handle could be a means of entry into another reality. You can also be as dead as a doorknob *gulp*.

DP: I like Whitey's suggestion. It's better than just standing around waiting for the rain to pass. He might even put that wheelbarrow to good use by hiding the girl in it if he gets the chance. Hopefully she is small enough to fit once the fruits are emptied out. Otherwise it is difficult to see how she will be able to escape the mob, considering how her vestiments attract so much attention.

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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:47 pm Post subject:

Intriguing, and I really like the second-person perspective. It put me right into the story. The boy won't be able to do much for the girl if she gets caught, we need to take care of our barrow. We'll probably hear more about the girl later, whether she's caught or not. We have our inside scoop already with the thing the girl threw us, whatever it is. I would opt to be practical, investigate the thing she threw, and listen for news of her later. I might also frequent the same place this occurence happened, in case the girl decides to try to find me again. On a minor note about the style, I don't think refering to the girl as a figure or "it" was very effective. I would favor describing her early on, or avoid pronouns until after the gender was determined. I suppose you meant to move into the action quickly, but it was jarring and confusing instead (for me). _________________ Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame Please visit my Library of completed works.

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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:53 pm Post subject:

Makes me think of that Neil Gaiman series from a while ago- with the Doors and all that. Hmm! So.. what is the object? Well, what if it's something as simple as a door handle? A small one- i assume. Maybe it fits a multitude of doors.. or maybe it fits whatever door (ie: possibility) the user can imagine? Only it can only open each door only once? Anyway.. okay. I agree that we can't ditch our barrow quite yet- no matter about the fruit getting spoilt. I might take this as an opportunity to take myself AND my barrow over to the pub, sell some fruit to the looky-loos now gathered there, and soak up some information while I'm at it. _________________ ......back and forth.....

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:21 am Post subject:

Thanks all for your support and comments! And thanks to D and Lebs for your observations there. Totally in agreement with you both - I'll be sorting those bloopers out later this evening. Well, it looks as though we're gravitating towards 3 possible DP options - one focusing on the chase, one focusing on investigating at the pub, and one focusing on the object the girl has thrown him. I'll leave it open for a couple more days to see if there are any more suggestions, and then we'll go to a poll.

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Smee
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Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:07 am Post subject:

Excellent start! I'm favouring the checking out what was thrown option I think. I'm most curious about it. Looking forward to the next chapter. Happy Writing _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!

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Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 11:57 am Post subject:

Nah - you'll have plenty of time afterwards to have a look at what was thrown. And who's to say you'll even be able to work out what it is? You need to talk to the girl, or at least follow her, if you want to be guaranteed you know what it does. The men in the pub might know a little, but they're likely to be there every day, and the girl isn't sticking around. _________________ Tea Cures All.

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:04 am Post subject:

The poll is up!

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 12:14 am Post subject:

1 more day to vote.

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:28 am Post subject:

Thanks for your votes! And here are the results: What to do next? Quick! After the girl! 50% [ 3 ] Play it cool, and check out the object. 33% [ 2 ] When in doubt, go to the pub. 16% [ 1 ] Total Votes : 6 Who Voted: D-Lotus, Midnight, scissorkitty, Smee, The White Blacksmith, Tikanni Corazon Removed for editing Last edited by Crunchyfrog on Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:21 am; edited 1 time in total

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Tikanni Corazon
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:35 am Post subject:

Go back to the pub/inn with the farmer, I say. That way you will be able to find out more about what actually happened. The farmer is so vague about it, that you get the feeling that what he says may not actually be what happened. Depending on whether they hang the girl straight away, or lock her away somewhere, if it is the latter, you may be able to find out where she is being kept, and possibly help her to escape. Great second chapter Crunchy! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887

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Lebrenth
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 1:47 pm Post subject:

If the girl let herself get caught, there's no point trying to help her now. Experiment with the thing, presuming it is something very special, perhaps magical. If it's possible, go ask advice from someone who knows about mystical things. _________________ Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame Please visit my Library of completed works.

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D-Lotus
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 2:48 pm Post subject:

Quote:

You turn down the first of a network of alleyways, dodging the rats that behave as if theirs is the right of way.

There's nothing wrong with this description, but it seems a little bizarre. Perhaps I don't know too much about rats, but I would think they would try to hide if they noticed some large creature running by.

I don't understand why this girl stopped running all of a sudden. It doesn't seem to make much sense at the moment.

Our hero should accept the farmer's proposition, if only to be in the scene of the "crime" and pick up some clues. By the way, this society seems to be rather harsh and even cruel-- stealing doesn't usually involve a death sentence.

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:41 pm Post subject:

Lebrenth wrote:

If it's possible, go ask advice from someone who knows about mystical things.

This is what I've grown to love about Storygamining - especially when writing out of your comfort zone - I'd never have thought of that. Very Happy

D-Lotus wrote:

By the way, this society seems to be rather harsh and even cruel-- stealing doesn't usually involve a death sentence.

The society and legal system in this story is based loosely on London in the 18th century. The penalty for theft of anything considered to be worth 40 shillings or over (especially if violence was used) was death. In reality, not as many folk were put to death for the crime though - some sentences were changed to transportation if they could prove they were literate, or else the jury might find them guilty of lesser crimes or value the goods at 39 s to avoid the death penalty instead. That's if the prisoners actually got to trial and didn't die from the appauling conditions in jail first.

According to measuringworth.com 40 shillings in the 1750's had a purchasing power of approximately £300 or $450 in today's money. So yes, it was harsh. Surprised

Thanks all for the suggestions so far - I'll leave this one open for more options until Friday when we'll go to poll. Smile

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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 2:21 pm Post subject:

Thanks for the historical background. I had no idea the penal code was so terrible.

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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:20 am Post subject:

Ok, so far we have: - Go to the pub with the farmer - Experiment with the object / go and ask someone who knows about mystical things. Polling on Friday, so any other suggestions, get 'em in quick!

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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:21 pm Post subject:

Good chapter. With the girl captured, and the object needing a wash, I say back to the barrow, and head on home. If we can get back home with our goods and the item we're up for the day. But lose the barrow and we'll have some tough questions to face. Once home we can check out the item at our leisure. Happy Writing _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!

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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:28 pm Post subject:

Hmm. I would go to the pub, but I'd question the Landlady there for more information and try to see the spot where the lassie "appeared". _________________ ......back and forth.....

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Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 7:09 am Post subject:

The poll is up! Vote wisely

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Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:01 am Post subject:

I'm hoping to start writing this weekend - only 2 votes so far.

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Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:32 pm Post subject:

I voted for the pub because, well, it's the pub. A nice premise CF, I'm all for time travel stories, but I have to say first person* always puts me off. *Or is it second? I always get confused. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page.

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Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:35 pm Post subject:

Welcome to Door Handle, C'ren! Yeah, second person is not something I'm used to reading either (and more difficult to write than it looks ) but its a challenge and I hope the style and the story will improve over the coming chapters so that the POV is not so jarring. Couple more days left to vote!

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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 4:39 am Post subject:

Poll is closed! Thanks all for voting. And the results: Go to the pub 60% [ 3 ] Show the object to an expert in things mystical 0% [ 0 ] Take the object home and experiment with it 40% [ 2 ] Total Votes : 5 Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, Shillelagh, Smee, Tikanni Corazon Chapter removed for editing Last edited by Crunchyfrog on Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:21 am; edited 1 time in total

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Tikanni Corazon
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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:53 am Post subject:

Great third chapter Crunchy! Ned seems perfectly capable of taking care of the landlady, and there are plenty of others to help him. I say we should shy away, like we were afraid, and, somehow, slip away unnoticed, and find the girl and help her. She has obviously been wrongly accused of her crime, and whether she had resigned herself to her punishment or not, she does not deserve to die. Plus, she is the only one who actually knows what this object is, and what it does. So that would be helpful. _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887

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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 12:26 pm Post subject:

Well, something is definitely up with that object... and I want to know what. But at the same time, I can't just walk away now. Too many people are looking at me. I'll pretend to help Ned, but really I'm just using the rubble as a way to look at the object in privacy.

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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 8:39 pm Post subject:

Too bad it's not a fire that is afflicting the establishment, that way we could run for a bucket of water and at the same time take a look at the object. But as it is, there's too many people watching, and one of them might accuse us of stealing the object. On the other hand, we may assume that the landlady's door is locked or jammed... otherwise she could just walk out by herself. Thus, we can go look for a beam or any ram-like object to push the door with and in the process figure out what this buzzing is in his pants. btw, aren't there any people inside the pub that could help?

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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:51 pm Post subject:

Hmmm now see what you guys have done... our barrow all destroyed, the pub gone, a flogging to be had! I say back to our barrow, salvage what we can, hope the object in our pocket shakes down the milliner's shop, and then go home - perhaps burying the object in a safe field or something near home but not too close so it doesn't accidentally shake down our house too. We can dig it up and investigate it after a good night's rest. Happy Writing _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:36 am Post subject:

Thanks for the suggestions so far! Keep 'em coming - planning to poll on Friday.

D-Lotus wrote:

btw, aren't there any people inside the pub that could help?

A crowd of people came out of the pub and helped to chase and apprehend the girl. Whether all of them came out or not, we don't know. Therefore it is possible there may be others inside, but the only person we can hear calling out is the landlady.

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Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:14 am Post subject:

Poll's up! Have fun voting!

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Chinaren
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Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 5:21 am Post subject:

Missed the discussion, but voted for find the girl. Screw this guy, "you've" nothing to prove to him, tell him where to go. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page.

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Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 8:31 am Post subject:

Quote:

Screw this guy, "you've" nothing to prove to him, tell him where to go.

The second person perspective has always been very natural to me. It helps me get into the role better, and I prefer role playing to helping others with their stories. I also enjoy writing it that way too. That's how I've always told the story in my roleplaying games.

Although I agree "we" have nothing to prove, I also feel that whether we're relatively feeble or not, a life is in danger. I voted to help Ned. We do need to do something with this thing though.

From the character's perspective, we might consider selling it before it causes more trouble. Of course, it would be good to know what the thing is first.

Shillelagh wrote:

Well, something is definitely up with that object... and I want to know what. But at the same time, I can't just walk away now. Too many people are looking at me. I'll pretend to help Ned, but really I'm just using the rubble as a way to look at the object in privacy.

I like the way you put that, Shillelagh. That's role playing. Not what should "he" do, or what "we" do, but what "I" do. What kind of roleplaying and writing experience have you had before?
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 9:11 am Post subject:

The poll is closed! Thankyou everyone for your comments and your voting. A new chapter is underway.

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Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:27 am Post subject:

And here are the poll results: What is the best way forward? Slip away and go look for the girl 28% [ 2 ] Pretend to help rescue the landlady but investigate the strange object instead 42% [ 3 ] Help Ned rescue the landlady 28% [ 2 ] Take the object home and bury it - examine it tomorrow 0% [ 0 ] Total Votes : 7 Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, Lebrenth, scissorkitty, Shillelagh, Smee, Tikanni Corazon So we're off to do a little half-hearted rescuing. Chapter removed for editing Last edited by Crunchyfrog on Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:22 am; edited 1 time in total

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Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:18 pm Post subject:

Quote:

But a thing of such size – how could it have been brought into the building in the first place? No window or door could have taken its bulk.

I suspect from this that the beam-like cylinder must have come from elsewhere: perhaps from the same place the strange girl came from? Did she travel in this cylinder? Did it crash into the building or was it parked on the roof, which eventually caved in under the wheight?

These questions are as of yet unanswerable. I must search for this girl before she is killed so that she can give us answers. She is most likely being kept in jail; I should visit her and pose as being a family member or a witness who wishes to identify her. In the meantime, perhaps we can take this "door handle" and see what its properties are.

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Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:21 am Post subject:

Great chapter Crunchy! Due to the fact that, we have lost our barrow, will have no money, and will likely be punished when we get home, I suggest just risking all, and going through the door. Maybe whatever is on the other side will help us to figure things out. Looking foward to chapter five! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887

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Crunchyfrog
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Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 9:42 am Post subject:

I'll leave this up for suggestions until Friday for any other ideas.

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Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:45 pm Post subject:

Good chapter... I'm liking Tikky's reasoning - lost everything, might as well go for broke. It might be worth calling out a quick question to the landlady. "Where did this thing come from?" ... see if she can shed any light on it. She likely is as confused as us, but if she says it 'just appeared', or 'crashed through the roof', it helps confirm some possible ideas. Searching for the girl seems like a good idea, but I doubt we can fool anyone that we're family, we seem to be fairly known to people of the town. I don't know enough about procedures in such gaols, if there is a good chance of getting a decent few minutes alone with her to answer some questions then I might go for that instead, as this giant metal thing isn't going anywhere. Happy Writing _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!

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Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:52 am Post subject:

This giant metal thing might not be going anywhere... but if city officials show up, we might not be able to get anywhere near it. They could barricade it off, they could try and destroy it... who knows? I, too, am with Tiki- we don't have anything left, so there's nothing to lose. I wouldn't mind getting more information... but I think if we wait too long, we're going to lose this opportunity. That, and the meta-gamer in me can't help but to notice the name of the story... _________________ Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!

What is your reaction to what you have seen/learned so far?

Take me back to 1762. I want no part of this.

16%

[ 1 ]

I know that pub, and I saw it destroyed. I must look at it more closely.

16%

[ 1 ]

That's him! That's the man I saw myself talking to in 1294. Who is he?

50%

[ 3 ]

When I arrived here you spoke as if I had returned from an Elven Stronghold after breaking a seal. If this is my destiny, you must prepare me with your magic now, because I have none.

16%

[ 1 ]

Total Votes : 6

Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, Lebrenth, Shillelagh, Thunderbird, Tikanni Corazon

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