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PilgrimSoul
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 Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 7:01 am Post subject: Murder Most Foul: Chapter Three:"The Frame-Up" |
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Introduction: Patrick
It isn't true what they say, about it taking a certain strength to kill. All it takes is the ability to push the thought to the back of your mind, or convince yourself you've done the world a service. I should know, I've done it more than once. The first was little more than an accident, hardly worth mentioning; just an opportunity seized impulsively, over before I even knew what was happening. But I definitely knew what was happening with Jasper. I thought of nothing else but killing him for a month before the actual act, and when the time came it did take presence of mind to pull it off without arousing suspicion. perhaps that is a kind of strength, presence of mind, I hadn't thought of it that way before.
I hadn't really thought of the murder at all, until about three weeks after Jasper's funeral. The span had been gloriously peaceful. Business picked up at my little bed and breakfast, and the staff were downright angelic about the extra work. Even Laura, our temperamental housekeeper, gave me hardly any trouble. I'd spoken to her on the stairway a few days after the incident, seeing tears in her eyes.
“Why, Mrs. Horten, is everything alright?”
She'd started upon hear my voice.
“I've been better Miss Nancy, I only miss Mr. Jasper.”
“We all do Laura, he was a good manager. He shouldn't have had to die.”
Laura narrowed her eyes slightly at this, a bit of her old spark in them.
“No miss, he shouldn't' have dropped like that. A heart attack at his age. It...makes you think, don't it?”
“That it does. Life is so fragile. If it could happen to Jasper, it could happen to anyone, couldn't it Laura?”
“Yes miss.” Laura said quietly, tears threatening to spill over her eyes again. “I...I must tend to the washing.”
After that Laura went about her work as meekly as an employer could wish. It was as if I'd dispelled a curse by removing Jasper from the earth. For three, beautiful weeks, home was a haven. Perhaps this should have been enough, how many have even a moment of true peace in this life? But enough or not, it ended. That man. He ended it. I don't think I've ever hated anyone more thoroughly or instantly than the first time I saw Patrick Warren. The minute he stepped into the hotel lobby, I felt my skin crawl. His brown eyes had the spark of the hunter in them, his grin the smugness of one who believes himself a good man near scandal. I could tell by the vague, perfunctory way he looked at the paintings and furniture in the lobby he wasn't here for the sights. And even though he was dressed in a business suit, it was clear from the way he fidgeted with his tie and collar he wasn't used to wearing them. A wolf in sheep's clothing, to use a cliché. As he signed the register, made small talk, I could feel his eyes trying to slip past my smile to see what was underneath.
"Professional" I said to myself. "Likely well-trained, but with average aptitude."
I hated those types. they were too unpredictable. Geniuses and fools always relied on certain patterns, the middling carried a disconcerting mixture of common sense and imagination that made them slippery.
"Welcome to the Munroe Guest House,” I said aloud. “Tea will be served at noon. Shall I bring some to your room or would you prefer to join the other guests in the dinning room?"
“Oh, I'd much prefer to join the guests,” He answered promptly.
He chattered on about wanting to take in 'the local color', but I only half-listened. I knew what his plan of attack was now. He intended to ingratiate himself with the guests, the staff, me. He planed to present himself as a friendly, harmless man people would confide in. I could handle this. All it would take was presence of mind. I smiled at him, a friendly, welcoming smile.
“Enjoy your stay Mr. Warren.” I said, and handed him his key.
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"For still there are so many things that I have never seen.
In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
Last edited by PilgrimSoul on Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:53 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed May 05, 2010 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting start, there's definitely some potential here.
I liked the inner dialogue, and musings at the beginning. A good way to quickly get into this character's head. 
However watch out for typos and spelling mistakes. They are littered throughout the chapter.
The chapter is also rather short, less than 400 words. We tend to recommend aiming for about 1000 words for a chapter, so there's enough meat and detail to pull in a reader and give us something to think about.
For example, you've spent the chapter in the head of this killer, and then right at the last second you make the decision point on the basis of the victim?
You could have used just what you have now as a kind of enticing introduction, and then spent 600-700 words introducing this Detective, so we have some information to go on for making the decision for the decision point. As it is at the moment, we know nothing about the Detective's way of thinking, and therefore it makes the Decision point relatively pointless.
Alternatively, you stay with the killer, and spent some more words setting up the decision point to be more interesting. Look through the options more, and see what the advantages and disadvantages of each method of killing might be.
Hopefully you choose to continue this one, and we see it reaching out for it's potential.
Happy Writing
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you kindly for the response. I've editied my first post and tried to incorporate your info.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Swordfish
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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Well you've certainly snagged my attention. I love the line,
| Quote: | | ...his grin the smugness of one who believes himself a good man near scandal. |
Having been something I've never heard before, it tickled my ear a bit. It is good, ja and I hope to see more.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue May 18, 2010 9:47 am Post subject: |
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Well, I didn't get to read the original version before you edited it, but the spelling/grammatical errors that Smee hinted at are now very few. Another read through it, and no doubt you'll spot them. 
The narration drew me in, and at one point it even felt as if doing away with the housekeeper would not be beyond our main character.
| Quote: | | “That it does. Life is so fragile. If it could happen to Jasper, it could happen to anyone, couldn't it Laura?” |
- The whiff of a threat but Laura doesn't even know she's been threatened. I think that's good.
Well, I'm a little unclear as to what the Decision Point is, here. I guess, what strategy does Nancy take?
If that is the case, I would suggest to let the detective do his thing. But make sure the cleaning staff have given the place a good scrub down.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 12:36 am Post subject: |
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I was thinking of the first 'real' choice would be in the next installment, but that's not a bad idea...
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:59 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 1: the Guests
Tea is an excellent way of gleaning information about people. I've found that putting questions to them makes them either to suspicious or to eager, either way you get nothing of value. But simply watching them, noticing how they relax, speaks volumes. Take Mrs. Jonas, she's a divorced woman, and her husband instigated the separation. I learned this by watching the way she holds her tea cup like a protective hedge, displaying the untanned circle where her ring used to be, and how she glares covertly at the younger women. Also, she flirts silently with Mr. Solomon, reaching for the sugar at the same time he does, pretending to blush when their hands meet.
Mr. Solomon himself is perfectly unaware of her intentions. He's an English professor, or librarian possibly. He displays this by always picking a seat that faces the bookshelf, scanning the titles with a secret smile. He's charmingly unaware of his surroundings, and every conversation with him inevitably turns to one of his favorite books. I must admit I like the old man best, far more than little Miss Kirk.
Miss Kirk is undoubtedly a secretary at a large firm. You can tell by the way she sips her tea, expecting no one to notice her. One the few occasions she makes eye contact, it's with the blank, eager expression of one awaiting orders. I honestly believe that if I dropped a stack of files in front of her and said “See that these are organized before lunch.” she'd do it without a pause. I hate the servile type.
Speaking of hatred, Warren is also at tea this afternoon. He isn't a tall man, and his hair is a non-descript brown. His eyes are green, which is the only truly striking thing about him. The rest of him is rather thin and wispy, like those little boys who study too much in school. I planned to observe his behavior during this social event, but despite his friendly small talk with the guests, every time I looked at him I saw him staring back at me.
I flatter myself that I'm far to experienced to pretend not to notice such things. Under most circumstances, a guilty woman would ignore Warren's stares, pretend not to be capable of understanding his motives, thinking this made them look innocent. A truly innocent woman, with nothing on her mind, would be uncomfortable. So I let myself be uncomfortable. I fidgeted in my chair for ten minutes under his gaze, then excused myself.
After I left, I deliberated what to do. “I could stay and listen to the tea-time conversation, and attempt to learn what warren is after, if anything. But if I'm caught I'd look most suspicious, to him at least. Alternatively, I could take this moment to search his room, and learn things he most likely wont say in polite conversation.” Once again, my presence of mind made the most effective choice clear.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 2:14 am Post subject: |
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Sorry it's taken so long for me to get around to this. A short but very well packed piece. And a great decision point.
Couple of nits - should be too suspicious and too eager.
So, we're playing mind games with the detective, and Nancy seems to fancy herself as a bit of a detective herself. On reflection my original suggestion of making sure the cleaning staff have given the place a good scrub down might make things too obvious, at least for now. Dallying around would perhaps expose her, and she is the proprietress after all, she has a job to do. She doesn't have to stay in the room, unless Warren asks her to.
And anyway, there's nothing wrong with having bags taken up to rooms for guests who have just arrived, a perfect opportunity to snoop around.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the feedback. What are the rules for voting/deciding?
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:16 am Post subject: |
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Ouch! nobody answered this? I guess they're all on their summer holidays still... 
You've only got one suggestion, so use it in your poll, and perhaps add one or two alternative suggestions of your own. Create the poll by editing the first post in your thread. Once the poll is up, make sure you post to make sure everyone knows it's there.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Crunchyfrog, that poll maker is surprisingly easy to use! people haven't been around much it looks, so I guess I could leaves this for a couple of weeks. Unless there's a time limit?
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:46 am Post subject: |
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| No time limit - you can close the poll when you like.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Two: The Detective
I'd given warren the room at the end of the second floor hallway, this room isn't visible from the stairs, being tucked around a corner, and the stairs have always creaked loudly. This would give me plenty of time to hide all traces of my presence, and slip across the hall to the linen cupboard if I heard him coming. Mt first task was not, as an amature would suppose, to open his suitcase. I know from years of catering to guests that this is the most difficult thing to rearrange, and I didn't care to know what tailor Mr. Warren used anyway. The first thing I did was to study how my opponent had arranged his belongings.
There is a science to sizing up a guest, a handful of factors that will tell you not only what they except from a host, but what kind of people they are. The way people arrange their personal belongings is one of these factors. Warren had dropped his suitcase on the corner of the bed, and left it half-way unzipped from when he'd changed out of his traveling clothes. The clothes themselves he'd let fall by the closet door. His briefcase rested at the side of the little writing desk by the window, shut and locked. His wallet rested on the nightstand, next to his car keys. A peak in the bathroom showed me he'd already arranged his shaving tools on the right side of the sink, with his toothbrush and comb on the left.
Based on this, and the fact that he'd locked his briefcase, I could tell he was an organized man, one with set habits and routines, who valued privacy. But the careless way he'd left his clothing, his keys and wallet, where anyone could pick up, showed me he tended to let his guard down when alone. The sort of man who trusted the goodness of mankind. I sighed inwardly with relief when I realized this.
I was about to leave the room, having gathered enough information for the time being, when a though struck me. Carefully, keeping my eye on the closed door, I flipped warren's wallet open. His drivers license stared back at me, showing that the name he'd given was his real one, and more importantly, his birth date. Warren was younger than I expected, another point in my favor. Learning this, I walked over the the desk and tried his birth date at the combination. It popped open beautifully.
Searching his papers was a secondary goal, I mainly wanted confirmation of my theory of how his mind worked. But Now was the best opportunity to learn what other facts about this man I could. The first thing that caught my eye was a passport. I paged through it, noticing the numerous stamps. That was a point against me. Well-traveled people are usually more insightful than others, I'd have to watch myself. The most recent stamp was dated only two weeks ago. He'd apparently jumped the fastest boat from New York available, confirming the idea that he had a specific reason for being here. Next, I leafed through his documents, mostly careful kept receipts of travel expenses. Then I found what I was looking for. Even though I'd expected it the minute I saw him, it still made my heart skip a beat to read the neatly printed businesses card with bold black letters:
Stockton Detective Agency
1462 Cosley Street, New Jersey
I didn't bother to search for proof of the assignment. I knew it was Jasper's death he was investigating. The scoundrel was determined to plague me from beyond the grave. I confess that at this moment, I nearly succumbed to weakness. “Hasn't he tortured me enough?” I asked myself, and had the momentary impulse to simply march downstairs and give myself up. I wonder if people who contemplate suicide have ever felt the same as I did in that moment, but such musings are pointless. The moment passed, and I steeled myself for the battle ahead. Jasper hadn't gotten the best of me, neither would Warren. Quickly, I replaced the documents I'd found and re-locked the briefcase. I flipped Warren's wallet closed again, shut his door behind me, and resumed my place at the front desk. I busied myself with accounts and supply lists, till the guest exited the tea room. I heard Mrs Jonas laughing her plastic laugh when the doors opened.
“Oh, Mr. Solomon, that really was quite amusing.”
I didn't hear The poor man's reply. Miss kirk stomped up the stairs to her room, with her characteristic lack of grace or self-awareness. The modern emphasis on saving time has done nothing for young ladies sense of decorum. Mr. Warren himself approached my desk, which did catch me slightly off guard. I'd expected him to retreat to his room, perhaps call his employer. But instead he leaned casually on the desk, and lowered his voice secretively.
“Miss Munroe?” He said.
“Yes Mr. Warren, can I help you with anything, maybe have your bags taken up?”
“Thank you, but no, I've already taken care of that. I was hoping I could speak to you, in private.”
“Oh?” I asked, letting my surprise show. “Is something the matter?”
Mr. warren started to respond, but stopped to let Mr. Solomon and his giggling admirer pass. I motioned him to follow me, and took him to my private office.
“What is this about Mr. Warren?” I asked him as I closed the door. Warren figited again with his coller, and let his smile fade into an anxious expression.
“Miss Munroe, I have a confession to make. I didn't pick your establishment. On a whim, like I let on earlier.”
I said nothing, letting him find his own words.
“The reason was Jasper Travis. I understand he passed away recently.”
“Yes, very recently.”
“That is why I'm here Ma'am. I suspect that your former Manager was murdered.”
I didn't have to feign shock at this statement. Could Warren really be such a fool? Or was this a clever ploy to learn my own feeling about the situation? In any case, I had only a second to choose how to respond.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:23 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm.
Spelling errors abound. Except instead of expect, young ladies instead of the young lady's... Here's a hint. Write your chapters in a separate program first, like notepad, and triple check every paragraph.
That said, the story is good but a little quick. Like a hornet, which I would expect this Nancy is. As for her next action, she would act as if to genuinely consider whether this was the truth, whilst simultaneously running through possible accidents that could happen in Warren room.
Also let other people look at this and suggest stuff.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:56 am Post subject: |
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It;s sad how much I depend on spell check  I'll go over this again when i have a chance.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 9:52 am Post subject: |
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It's true there's a few typos, but the sentences and paragraphs are well organized. I didn't find the typos to be too distracting, but it would make the story look better to fix them.
I'm enjoying the plot and having the perspective of the killer. I also like how you described the characters so succinctly. I would really like to know more about the details of the murder. What I've gathered so far is that Jasper was the manager of the establishment (does this place have a name?), and he allegedly died of a heart attack. We know that he didn't die naturally, and there must have been something suspicious about the way he died or else there wouldn't be an investigation. Did we poison him? Perhaps we found a way to exploit his weak heart, by getting him overly excited, frightened, or straining himself too much?
Knowing the details of how Jasper was killed will help us determine how to get away with his murder. Poisoning seems the most likely, which suggests the poison or some sign of it was found on the body. If so, the detective already suspects the workers who would have access to his drinks and food. It means we're already a suspect.
Based on the assumption that the workers are all suspects, I would reply to any of his questions with suggestions that nobody liked Jasper. I would also balk at the detective's theory that ANYONE would want to murder Jasper. I would reply like this:
"Murder? That's ridiculous! Surely Jasper wasn't the most well liked person in the world, but I don't see why anyone would want to kill him!"
Furthermore I would talk about any transgression he made against another employee. I think we should build up as many motives for murder as we can while maintaining that we still do not think he was murdered. Ideally the detective will be so mixed up that he won't have any idea who did it and give up due to lack of evidence. Otherwise we'll have to frame someone.
One more thing, try to get the detective to divulge what makes him think Jasper was murdered.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 2:14 pm Post subject: |
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Great ideas! I was assuming a poisoning scenario, but scaring him to death would be very Alfred Hitchcock (someone please tell me they've seen that episode of the tv show.)
Anyway, I'll wait for a couple more suggestions then run the next vote.
One question: Do you all think this perspective could work for a full length novel in the future? Or even a series? I thinking of trying some stories with the same detective, but all told from the culprit's perspective, and I'd like to know if that sound doable or interesting.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| PilgrimSoul wrote: |
One question: Do you all think this perspective could work for a full length novel in the future? Or even a series? I thinking of trying some stories with the same detective, but all told from the culprit's perspective, and I'd like to know if that sound doable or interesting. |
Certainly very possible. It's interesting to think of the detective being both the hero and the villain of the story (in the sense that he's a good guy that's going to win and yet he's trying to catch the protagonist). It's very unique, so if you can get it to work, you'll draw attention.
So are you planning on going pro?
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| Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 2:04 am Post subject: |
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Hopefully, but I need to build experience before I attempt that.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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| Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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For the sake of the voting I'll throw out another approach
While feigning shock why not pursue the I don't want a made up scandal to effect my business approach?
Press for a legitimate reason for the suspicion and stress that the detective is not to disturb the paying customers. If there are still customers who were here then that may be under suspicion stress that you do not want the detective talking to them.
After the meeting if there isn't a completely clear reason for the detective to suspect murder (and maybe if there is insist that if it is so good the police should be here instead?) stress to the staff that they are not to discuss the relation between Jasper and the guest(s).
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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That's a good one, the pragmatic approach. I'll put the option up in the next couple of days, just in case there's another interesting opinion lurking out there.
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In every leaf, in every spring, there is a different green." -Tolkien
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 9:58 am Post subject: |
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I'm sorry I missed the suggestion phase but that's a fine set of options there, and very difficult to choose between. Each one of them could be interpreted both ways by the detective, and the risk is different whichever one we choose.
In the end I went for Shock - 'That's impossible!' - because I believe it will lead the detective to justify the reasons why there is suspicion of murder, without asking him outright.
(BTW - I don't know how long this poll's been up, but it's a good idea to announce when you do - I was the first one to vote!)
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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Wow the poll is up!
I voted for Practical for basically the same reason Crunchy went for Shock.
Thanks for the heads up Crunchy...
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks guys, sorry I've slipped up and sending the word out, classes just started for me and I've been running around like a chicken without a head...gah, I appologize for that visual. Anyway, I'll leave it up until Saturday, then try and have another chapter up on Monday.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 7:53 am Post subject: |
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I really like how the poll options are worded. It does more than suggest a single action, but also a state of mind which will help guide the story later. It makes it more instrumental, which I definitely approve of. The single word gives us something easy to reference too. I think I might use this technique for one of my future SG's. Thanks for showing it to us!
I decided to go with Practical instead of Shock. I think a properly executed show of shock would help pull suspicion off of us, but I'm more concerned by what proof or clue he has which leads him to think it was murder. Besides, if he has any real skill, he won't be fooled by a little sign of shock or surprise.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, I'm pushing the next chapter back a day, due to a surprise brother-visit.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:07 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Three: The Frame-Up
I replaced my shock instantly with irritation.
“Sir,” I said, stepping back from the familiarity of Warren’s name, “I have never turned away a guest in my life, but I will not have trouble makers scaring off my patrons with wild stories.”
“Miss Munroe,” He began, but I interrupted him.
“I admit that Jasper’s death was sudden, but you’d better have damned good reason for disturbing my place of business.”
I’ve noticed that even mild swearing from a respectable person creates a much better effect than stronger expletives uttered frequently. The effect on Warren was perfect. His face reddened in embarrassment, and he thought carefully before speaking.
“I can sympathize with your situation,” he said, “really, I do. I’m not one of those people who choose their line of work for the sake of sensation. I do have strong evidence that your late house manager was killed, instead of dying of natural causes.”
“Such as?” I demanded, crossing my arms.
Warren smiled sadly. “A pin-prick.” He said.
This took me completely off guard. Something very strange was going on, and now I wanted to get to the bottom of it just as much as Warren did. Warren noticed my confusion, and went on to explain.
“Jasper died of a heart attack, as you know.”
“Yes, he’d had a weak heart for years.”
“Yes, that provides a simple explanation, but there are ways of artificially causing a heart attack, and one of them is with an empty syringe.”
I knew this very well, but played stupid.
“An empty syringe?” I asked, trying to appear incredulous. Warren nodded and went on.
“Yes, I’ve seen it used before. The assailant uses an empty syringe to pump a large air bubble into their victim’s blood flow. The bubble reaches the heart and causes instant heart failure. It can be done very quickly, and since it causes normal symptoms of heart failure, it’s almost impossible to track, unless you find the point of entry.”
I only half-listened to Warren’s explanation, already knowing what he was going to say. I hadn’t killed Warren in this cowardly manner. I’d faced him and watched as he begged for his life before his face turned purple. Someone had tamped with Jasper’s body after I killed him. Warren startled me by adding a question to the end of his explanation.
“I’m surprised you didn’t know about this sort of thing Miss Munroe, I understand your father was a doctor?”
I jumped when he said this, and then realized that he was trying to surprise information out of me. I had to give him credit for his experience; he was attempting to put me on the defensive, to give him an explanation by way of defending my innocence. I resolved to give no more information than I presumed he already had.
“My step-father was a doctor Mr. Warren, and we were scarcely on speaking terms.”
I saw that Warren wanted to probe further into my family life. He wanted to ask me about that lecherous oaf my mother had married in a fit of madness. He wanted to ask about the car accident that killed him, and nearly killed me, but politeness constrained him for now. He most likely would try to cultivate some sort of camaraderie between us before asking further. I could easily manipulate this tactic. For the time being, I changed the subject back to my most recent murder.
“How can you be sure that a simple prick on an elbow means that he was murdered? It could have any number of reasons.”
“I’m acting on the advice of a medical professional.”
He hesitated over ‘medical professional’; it wasn’t a doctor then than had called him in. In a flash I saw what must have happened. That somber, plain little nurse that Jasper had been ga-ga about. Her name escaped me, but she was a quiet one, always looking at you out of the corner of her eyes. I wasn’t sure if she was the type to tamper with a body, but she was definitely the type to ignore a doctor’s pronouncement in favor of her own suspicions. I would need to examine her more carefully.
“Of course I’ll defer to the expertise of a doctor,” I said. Warren smiled slightly, believing he’d hidden his source of information. “But I still don’t like the idea of you scaring my guests off with tales of murder and mayhem.”
Warren laughed ruefully. “You business might actually increase if I did, but I promise you I’ll be discrete. I simply wanted to inform you of my purpose, since this is your establishment, and you seem to be a woman of good sense.”
I thought less of Warren for that. Flattery, even if it’s true, is a transparent way of attempting to put a person at ease. He already suspected me then, that little nurse must have said some things to him; I did know that she disliked me.
“I will hold you to that Mr. Warren,” I said. “One complaint forma guest and you are out of this house.”
“Of course Miss Munroe, I will bear that in mind.”
Warren turned to leave, but a thought struck me, and I called him back. “Mr. Warren?”
“Yes?”
“Why did you pick this line of work?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You said earlier it wasn’t for the excitement, what was that drove you to this profession, out of all others you could have taken?”
Warren looked suddenly 10 years older. “Same thing that drives most of my clients,” He said, “A ghost.”
He offered no other explanation, and left. I pondered the interview for some time after that, and tried to arrange the facts as I knew them. Fact one: A detective is investigating Jaspers death. Fact two: This detective suspects me. Fact three: Someone tampered with Jasper’s body, creating false evidence of true events. Fact four: Jasper is dead; he can tell no one what happened.
I repeated that last fact to myself several times. Even if it was conclusively proven that Jasper was killed, there was nothing directly linking me to his death…that I knew of. I racked my mind, trying to think of anything in the garage that could put me there the same time Jasper died. I also realized that if I went back, I could very well create more suspicions of my guilt, provided I was caught. Another choice presented itself to me. I could ignore Warren’s presence; let him conduct his investigation, trusting that I had covered my tracks. Or I could ‘go back to the scene’ as I hear so many criminals did. Am I a criminal? It’s so strange to place oneself in such a category, but I know that from a technical standpoint it is true, despite the injustice of such a title. But such philosophical musings are pointless. The bottom line is that I had to make a choice, and make it quickly.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:13 am Post subject: |
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I would jsut like to appologize to everyone that it took me so long to put this chapter up. i inteded to have it done over a week ago, but I had two unexpected familyvisits and a power outage to contend with.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2010 11:46 am Post subject: |
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Trust me, being late on posting a chapter is a very common occurence and I'm very guilty of doing the same. You still posted pretty soon, so you don't have to worry about me! Plus the writing is very good, and easy to read. I'm glad we got more information too.
Air embolism, eh? And it's untraceable? The pin prick shouldn't be too condemning, though if we have any syringes, we'll want to get rid of them nonetheless. By the way, there's this line:
| Quote: | | “How can you be sure that a simple prick on an elbow means that he was murdered? It could have any number of reasons.” |
Did the detective tell us where the pin prick was? I suppose there was some unspoken explanation, but it seems the details were pretty much all there in the discussion, so I don't know. Since we didn't do anything with the syringe, I'm worried about being framed.
The nurse needs a careful eye kept on her, but I think our priority is to search our room thoroughly to make sure she hasn't tried to frame us by planting a fake murder weapon. Aside from that, just do some careful and discrete cleanup to try to remove any clues that might be lingering. We maintain the house, so cleaning is our job, so it shouldn't be suspicious.
The tampering on the body is very worrying... it's enough to worry about hiding one murder without an uncontrolled fake one showing up alongside it. By the way, I'm still curious how we actually did kill Jasper.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, I do intend to return to our statement about the elbow later, mostly because I'm sick of the slipped out information tactic, and in this case the culprit really was hazzarding a guess, but your right that it could still be a problem for her.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:14 pm Post subject: |
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Looks like I was too slow :/
I like Lebby's idea of checking to see if we are being framed and then staying out of trouble. I don't think returning to the scene is a good idea since the detective seems to be trying to provoke us into doing something like that.
One very minor side note...
| PilgrimSoul wrote: | | “One complaint forma guest and you are out of this house.” |
Might should be "from a guest"?
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, crap. I need to take a day and just focus on editing what I've already written, that's one of the areas I need to work on the most with my writing, so I appreciate you drawing my attention to it.
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 4:44 am Post subject: |
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| I think we're all going to agree to clean up the house while simultaneously cleaning up our tracks. Also, I think we should leave the nurse a little message.... a cross on her pillow, a tack in her scrubs, something she would notice to say we're watching her, but not so blatant as to attract the attentions of those who don't know her.
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 6:19 am Post subject: |
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Okay, so going after the nurse first instead of going to the scene of the cime, that would work.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 1:03 am Post subject: |
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I think we ought to ask the detective to keep us posted on developments, since it is our establishment. That way, we could find out how much he knows.
I like the idea of cleaning our room and stuff, but don't we have a servant or someone?? we could raise suspicions if we suddenly do the cleaning work without any real reason, except that we are scared. We don't even have to let him in our room. Or we just do a casual check.
Letting the nurse know is a good idea, but we must be sure never to write anything in front of the detective or show him any piece of paper on which we have written. Hand-writing matches are considered great evidence and it would be particularly frustrating. I think we could print our message out, and then put it on her pillow or something. I don't think she would notice a cross....
Nice writing!!!! 
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 5:59 am Post subject: |
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A good chapter, and I'm glad I caught it before going to the poll.
One sentence that stuck out and slightly spoiled it for me: | Quote: | | Warren smiled slightly, believing he’d hidden his source of information. |
- Just for this short moment we've head-hopped from Miss Munroe to Warren. It's almost confirmed in a way that Warren did speak to the nurse - or that you want us to believe that he spoke to the nurse.
Other than that, this is developing nicely and I'm intrigued - especially about Warren's line of work. It makes me wonder then - who are his clients generally? Who hired him to investigate Jasper's murder?
For the DP... Well, worrying the nurse would be an interesting direction, as would going back to the scene of the crime, so I'll offer another alternative, which is... to do nothing until the cause of death is confirmed. While Warren still thinks it's an empty syringe, he'll be following clues to a dead end, which may suit our murderer for now.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:08 am Post subject: |
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Hmm... but what if Warren was lying??? what if he knows the actuall cause of death???
I know that they are very big IFs but, hey!, we're in the CITY OF IF!!! 
Crunchyfrog's idea is quite good actually, but I don't like the idea of staying put. We ought to do something to show him that we're worried, and save ourselves under that pretext. I don't know what others think, but i think we have enough suggestions for a poll...!
I'll be waiting!!!!
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PilgrimSoul
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 10:50 am Post subject: |
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Hmm, both insightful comments. As for the sentence Crunchyfrog pointed out, I meant to imply that Miss Munroe was realizing what was going on in Warren's head, I didn't realize that it looks like a POV change.
I'll put the poll up tomorrow afternoon, you guys have all given great suggestions and I hate to miss any lingering ones
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for bringing this back to my attention. I'd always meant to try to get onboard here and now... I have!
Not bad! Like Lebby, I do long for more technical details given the nature of this matter. What exactly do we have to hide?
Perhaps she would be best to run with the investigation at this point, join him in figuring out who the culprit would be IF this needle theory were correct. As for cleaning or covering up evidence, wouldn't she have done this all quite thoroughly already? No, I think instead she should feel confident in what preparations she's already made for this day and work with the detective on a passive level to probe him further and to nudge him in the right (aka wrong) direction.
Perhaps she should even start making flirtatious gestures with him to throw off his intellect where she's concerned.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:56 pm Post subject: |
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The voting is now open. I tried to incorporate all the ideas voiced here, please let me know if i missed something. The voting will be open for a week, then I'll get the 4th chapter up, and I promise that I'll include full details then of the murder
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