 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Idea master
Magus Extraordinaire
Joined: 10 May 2004
Topics: 46
Posts: 1787
Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:21 am Post subject: Chapter 19 - The Ruins of La-Ethiel |
 |
|
What has happened before...
You, Thadius LaFontania, passed the test of the Wizard Temple and are now reduced to one base form, your vampiric self. After three nights of traveling, you made it to La-Ethiel's gates; those gates that, last time, you stood there with friends at your quest's start. Slowly, you push them open, expecting to be welcomed or turned out...
You see ashes firstly. Was there a fire? Then your eyes take in the loss of buildings. Everything that had to do with government and watching out for the people...they were burned. Judging by the remains, about a week ago. The palace still stands. New buildings have been put up. They look like just...huge contaiment devices. Fences have been placed, making it seem like a huge farm. It would be too, if there weren't human screams coming from there, and sick, twisted snorts of vampiric delight. It seems without you, the vampires regressed into a type of anarchy, with feeding farms.
You head toward your old palace and begin to walk about, memories recollecting themselves. That chair at the table, that was were you sat for dinner while you got the news of your father's death...you get a sudden idea and head towards the masoleum. There you open your father's casket. You peer inside and see...dirt. An earth golem did indeed take his place. Suddenly, you hear a noise, and as there is no other place to hide, you jump inside the casket and pull the lid.
"You sure you saw someone come down here?"
"Yeah, I don't know why."
"There's no one here, let's go."
"Hey look, there's Ratheir's coffin!"
"Yeah, remember that little guy that replaced him?"
"What was his name...Thadius or something like that?"
"Yeah, last I heard he died at sea."
"We all know the tale! His body got washed away, and that's how we got to where we are today."
"Boy, if he did show up, I'd-"
"You'd what?" you ask as you rise from the cofin. You recoginze former bodyguards as the two conversers. They look shocked, seeing the presumed dead rise up from a coffin.
"Thadius? Is that really you?"
"No, it's the invisible man! OF COURSE IT'S BLOODY ME!"
"My lord!" They drop to one knee.
"What happened? How did these...feeding farms get set up?"
They begin to tell what happened after you left. After your presumed death, everyone that had anything to do with the palace were confused. No heir, no next of kin that was alive...things fell from okay to downright awful overnight. The people needed a way to feed, and the feeding farms seemed natural.
"That is how, my lord. Now if you want to destroy them..."
But you realize this to not be productive. "No, all I need to know is if they will poze a hazard to me and my mission."
"No, they tend to stay to themselves."
"Good, let us wait in the basement of my old palace..."
_________________
...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil.
...No plans yet.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 11:09 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ha First post!!! Anyways....on to comments.
Your story has gone far idea master. Spelling errors here and there, but nothing major I think. But if you are thinking of maybe going further with this story after you finish, I would suggest to you to maybe work on the narrative part. I think your dialogue is great, but in some chapters I think you need to add more description.
Other than that, I think this has progressed very well. Great job. 8)
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
kenshin himura
Citizen
Joined: 10 Mar 2004
Topics: 1
Posts: 333
Location: in your dreams
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 8:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
 I am amazed that I didnot get the first poast!
but this story is an amazing feat of your little brain.
good luck
_________________
Ish yara al-ahdab hadbat-u
(a hunchback does not see his own hunch. -folk saying)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 11:58 am Post subject: |
|
|
| any girls up inn here
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Vampireidiot
Respected Citizen
Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Topics: 0
Posts: 932
Location: You don't want to know
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 12:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Anonymous wrote: | | any girls up inn here |
Wot the hell are you on about?
_________________
watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........ 
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
kenshin himura
Citizen
Joined: 10 Mar 2004
Topics: 1
Posts: 333
Location: in your dreams
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 9:28 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: |
any girls up inn here |
this site is not a chat room for people like you to try to find girls!
_________________
Ish yara al-ahdab hadbat-u
(a hunchback does not see his own hunch. -folk saying)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Vampireidiot
Respected Citizen
Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Topics: 0
Posts: 932
Location: You don't want to know
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 2:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| kenshin himura wrote: | | Quote: |
any girls up inn here |
this site is not a chat room for people like you to try to find girls! |
I agree!!!!!!
_________________
watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 7:28 am Post subject: |
|
|
I'm a gurl..... 
How can I help you?
_________________
 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Vampireidiot
Respected Citizen
Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Topics: 0
Posts: 932
Location: You don't want to know
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 9:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| D-Lotus wrote: | I'm a gurl.....
How can I help you? |
LOl D.
_________________
watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Ravenwing
Honorable IFian
Joined: 18 May 2004
Topics: 17
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 12:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
| D-Lotus wrote: | I'm a gurl.....
How can I help you? |
Ahah! D has revealed his true self. LOL
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
