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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 6:44 pm Post subject: Avarice chapter 15 - The Truth. |
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deleted _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
Last edited by Chinaren on Sat May 31, 2008 5:02 pm; edited 2 times in total
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Topics: 103 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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Is there any option? If he says no, he's stuck.
Anyway, thanks for the history of the future of earth. I knew we shouldn't have colonized; those damn colonies have a tendency to revolt. _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:02 pm Post subject: |
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Indeed, but what does he tell them exactly? He's not sure what they will do.
And yes, colonies always do! _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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Then state that he will not aid them until he has been cured of the Taint. _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Cyberworm Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Aug 2007 Topics: 5 Posts: 652 Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown. Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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There must be no stalling, because his situation is on edge. I agree with D. The therapy should give him time, and it would also help him in their quest (<---- use it as an argument) _________________ Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:04 am Post subject: |
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I didn't think of this arument, good one. However, the therapy would take quite a lot of time, which it could be argued they don't have.
Any response to that? _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Mephistopheles Respected Citizen
Joined: 24 May 2007 Topics: 16 Posts: 612 Location: Not where I want to be. Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:20 am Post subject: |
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yes, thanks for the future history lesson china. but, on to the dp, before i make a comment about taint.
I would have to say that i agree with everyone else. tell them that you will guide them to the portal that you went through, maybe even lead them to the captain, but they have to help him rid himself of his taint so that he can be useful to them. one thing though, why was there no mention of the use of fireballs against those that they are supposedly trying to rescue?
good chappy china. hope the next one has some action in it though. _________________ Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 1:44 am Post subject: |
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Quote: | why was there no mention of the use of fireballs against those that they are supposedly trying to rescue? |
You mean when Smur shot at them?
The history thing went on longer than I thought for this chapter, I'd actually planned to move on a bit, but hey, the story seems to write itself sometimes... _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
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Mephistopheles Respected Citizen
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:05 am Post subject: |
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oh yeah, i guess that there was a little self defense involved, but still...oh well. maybe they can teach him to throw fire also. _________________ Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Topics: 103 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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Chinaren wrote: | I didn't think of this arument, good one. However, the therapy would take quite a lot of time, which it could be argued they don't have.
Any response to that? |
We'll see about that. What if I bid for the therapy to be very quick and effective? _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think that would really work D. I want to keep things 'realistic' within the SGame. Smur is too badly 'damaged' to fix up within the timeframes looked at here.
A miraculous transformation wouldn't work very well, plus it would, IMO, ruin the character. I could make it so he feels a bit better or something reasonably quickly though. _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Topics: 103 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:54 pm Post subject: |
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I really don't see how anything in the entire storygame is realistic at all; Shades and tears in the universe don't exist in my side of town, but suit yourself. Only remember that part of the challenge of the challenge thread is to press the writer to use his imagination (at least, I think that has been the result so far). I'm sure if you applied yourself, you could make a speedy recovery 'realistic'. But I will state no further, the final decision is yours. _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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They aren't? We get Shades here all the time.
You know what I mean, realistic within the story. A sudden magical recovery would be rather 'convenient' and somewhat unlikely.
I'll see what I can do anyway. _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
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The Meaning Of Fear Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006 Topics: 13 Posts: 980 Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting. Items Legends
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 12:11 am Post subject: |
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I don't think Smur would like to have tubes stuck into him... He's already deformed enough, and even though it would fix aforementioned deformation, I'd say tubes is still out of the question.
No more suggestions for now... not feeling up to it... coming back to school after 5 weeks is taking its toll. _________________ Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Topics: 168 Posts: 3998
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 5:27 am Post subject: |
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I still go back to the Necromancer's ability with those cubes, and Smur's ability also because he has been touched by a shade. That's more perhaps than the Black Devils capabilities are. Their cubes are different anyway. Their fireballs were a different colour to the Necromancers. He didn't need gloves, did he? So why should Smur?
The Shades have nothing to do with the Taint - so whatever physical changes the shades have made to him - and given him this latent power - won't be cured by the medicine and the tubes.
And anyway, so what if it will take months or years for him to be completely cured of the Taint? Smur could use whatever minimal medicine he gets - even a little cure to great effect. He could return to his tribe. Even with the slightest improvement in his physical health will be a huge WOW factor for them. And he's got to experiment with this latent power of his.
He knows that the necromancer is somewhere in his world, near to where his tribe is. So I would get the tubes installed, in order to at least get the regenerative process started. Lead a search party to the tribe, where HE - backed up by the Devils, takes control over the tribe by whatever means and sorts out a search party.
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:33 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: | Honestly… why do they care so much about the captain? At this point, he’s basically just another casualty right? |
That would be true, except, rather foolishly, the captain has 'the key', without which, they can't take off.
And good point about Smur's daughter. I hadn't forgotten about her, rest assured. _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 9:08 am Post subject: |
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Fly, be invisible, dream hop, breathe water, be perfect in everything you do, have a shadowy past, a mysterious lover....
[You make the character... You make the powers... You decide what You say and when You say it.
The power is Yours!
Superhuman - enjoy the ride!
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:22 am Post subject: |
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This one's next on my list. I'll likely start writing tomorrow, so last chance to get some votes in. _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
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Crowkiller Tourist
Joined: 09 Oct 2007 Topics: 0 Posts: 17
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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Brilliant chapter!! I think that his number one motivation now would be to get out alive and find his daughter. so if he takes control of his old tribe it gives him many more resources to find her. Great stuff again
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