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The Meaning Of Fear
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 Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject: Prologue (Poll is in here) |
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Doors to the Truth- Prologue
It was the Medieval Day in Volterra, Italy. Coming every year, the festival was a way for the fast moving people of the present to slow down, and simply enjoy the delights of the past. Even early in the morning, excitement buzzed in the air, and the semi-ancient brick walls of the buildings seemed alive as if in anticipation. Soon, vendors of stalls and activities arrived, stumbling as if sleepwalking and wearing dumb, happy expressions on their faces. Gear was brought out, costumes put into shops, foods prepared and the area where the bulk of the stalls were was cleaned thoroughly. It looked like it was going to be a good day.
Soon, families and tourists flooded into the square, and signaled the beginning of the festival. Public performances of anything related to old times were enjoyed by all, and props were rented to customers wanting to look the part, dressed in their shiny medieval clothing. Old recipes were once again used and the results served, for some as breakfast, and some lunch. Much fun was had by all…
“Stop running, damn it!”
Two figures sped through the crowd, pushing aside many and knocking over many more. Screams issued from the mass of bodies as they saw that the two were holding swords. The shouting man was carrying a long, slender sword, unadorned with any ornaments on the blade. The blade widened considerably just above the hilt, which was made from wood from an unknown tree species, and decorated with engravings that were not entirely visible under the man’s hand.
The young lady-- for she was a female-- was carrying a much shorter weapon, almost undeserving of being called a sword. A long knife would be a better description. It was a peculiar weapon, possessing one normal edge, and a serrated one, giving it an oddly asymmetrical look. It contrasted with the deadly grace of the sword with a malevolent appearance.
Moving almost too fast for the surrounding people to keep up, the female dodged and ducked around, attempting to break away from her pursuer. The swordsman chased her through the throng of men and women, just as determined to catch her as she was determined to get away.
Unfortunately for the female, she was cornered when she blindly sought to escape through the crowd, only to find she had been running towards a wall. She turned around, much to the surprise of the swordsman, and began to stab at him with her weapon, graceful as she was deadly.
Now, the swordsman was on the defensive as the young knife-wielder attacked with all of her might. He was unable to counter-attack against such a swift weapon and its user, and in such a crowded area he would undoubtedly cut through more than he wanted to. Forced to back away to save his own hide, he tried a new strategy:
“I only asked you a question, you know!” he shouted with annoyance, “and not even a hard one, just a yes or no question! Answer and we can both get out of this without alerting the authorities here.” He added the last sentence hoping she would see some sense and stop.
“I’m not answering you until you catch me!”
With that, she jumped over him, stepping a nearby man for a boost. The man, after gathering his wits, quickly tried to leave in pursuit…
“You, freeze!” out came a policeman, just as the man turned the corner, “Put down that… that… sword… and put your hands up in the air!”
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Inside his cell, Relius briefly wondered how in the world he’d got into this mess. Trapped with no way of escape, and having Frenary taken from him. He just hoped she’d be gentle with her handlers…
Rel sighed. The root of all his problems, it seems, were women. He ended up in a chase just from asking one a question, and now he has to worry about what another might do to his captors. It’s true the question he asked was quite an awkward one, but there was no reason to act like that…
Still, it was kind of nice, after a tiring week of action, to finally be able to stop and lie down. A lot had happened since the incident that not only let him go and see the world, but made his name famous back at home. Funny, though… If he closed his eyes… he could still see it all happening over again...
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
Last edited by The Meaning Of Fear on Sun Mar 01, 2009 8:11 pm; edited 20 times in total
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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Note that this is a prologue, and shall not have a poll just yet. 
Also note that while the prologue takes place on Earth the actual Main Setting will not be there. Most of the story will take place as a flashback of Relius, remembering events in the past. I know, it's not exactly the best way to start a story, but hell, I'm crap with introductions and prologues anyway.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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This is interesting. On one hand I enjoy your writing style and tone, and I also like your scope. However, on the other, this piece still needs some work.
My best suggestion is to oversee this with a critical eye. For example, you describe the pursuer as female (I believe the quote is "The young lady--the other was female--" or some variant). This is obviously inaccurate in the character later and syntactically. Otherwise, you could refine your jargon a bit by cutting out unnecessary "soons" and filling them with actual time increments, either denoted by others "As he passed the stall, a big bomb exploded" or the environment "The sun disappeared, and the stalls were."
Exposition-wise, we're thrown into this story and a lot comes at us. Fast. It was a little too much. Especially for a prologue. This is your chance for the base story that we ground ourselves on before we're flung out into the abyss. I want to know where we are not only by you telling me, but also by you SHOWING me--is it snowing? Is there sun? What do the buildings look like? What are people wearing? (I know it's Medieval Day, but this couldn't hurt)
The last bit at the end, in my own opinion, can be expanded on. Especially with this being the prologue. We already are introduced to a strange woman running from a strange swordsman over a question and a police officer who sees that he has a sword. That's... odd in itself. We don't need to keep piling it on. You see?
Basically, critical-eye-this and make sure you PACE yourself. Take your time. Go back in there and cement what we truly must know, and make sure you don't get ahead of yourself. It's just like painting a house: you have to wait for the first coat to dry before painting the second. Or, with the cement theme, if you skip putting the mortar in between bricks, it will eventually all fall down.
Hope this helps! This has potential. You just have to revise.
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dudewheretheheckami
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:45 am Post subject: |
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i like it, although your writing is a little obscure at times, more description is in order
remmember, the writers second most important job is to eschew obfuscation
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:26 am Post subject: |
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Well, I suppose I'd better read this. Obviously it's the worst story I've ever read, but other than that it wasn't too bad. Ape, I think we will get to know more of what's happened as the story progesses, but I too would have liked to see slightly more between the two scenes. What happened to the girl? Why wasn't she seen? How did the policeman know that it wasn't just a show for the Medieval Day?
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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I see where you're coming from, Hairy (and you too, I guess, Whitey... Hrrrmph) , and I'll try my best to explain.
This really isn't so much a prologue... The first chapter I'll be posting is much slower than this (I mean it. SLOW). This is a little something I put in that'll make (some) sense when I finish the story. I promise it'll be good  . Only thing I can say now, however, is that I'll pick up this part of the story right at the end... the epilogue! Until then, you can all just completely ignore this little prologue.
That said, it's going to be a long journey. New chapter's going up soon!
The lack of explantation on the other hand, is all my fault. I guess I might of rushed this a little. I'll come back to it after I've finished the first chapter.
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
Last edited by The Meaning Of Fear on Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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I really like this, Meanie. A good mix of humor and seriousness, and a good hook to draw you in.
Definitely going to keep up with this.
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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Bump?
I can leave the poll up for a while longer, so no hurry to vote, but otherwise, it looks like asking questions is in the lead! 
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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