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Shillelagh
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 Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:25 pm Post subject: Chapter One (Closed Ch 5 Poll) |
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Tempora Crepusculi - Chapter One
Isaac stood patiently in his crystal prison, waiting for time to resume flow. It had stopped at midnight, just as it always had for as long as Isaac could remember. Not that Isaac ever could remember- that was the problem of the Occurrence. Whenever the amethyst crystals appeared, Isaac could remember every single instance when it had occurred. But as soon as they disappeared, he would forget. Everyone would forget. He lived a completely normal life, totally oblivious to the nightly prison which he had to endure.
Isaac scanned the bar, turning slowly due to his restrictive prison. Most of the people here were locals or college students; everyone who lived in town adjusted to the Occurrence after a month or so. Anyone from out of town, though… Isaac could see several people from out of town who were frantically pounding against the walls of their crystal prisons. Probably screaming for help as well, but the crystals were sound proof. It seemed as though the Occurrence only happened here. Certainly, Isaac could never remember the crystals appearing in any other town he’d lived in. But then, that was the point. No one would remember.
There was one group of people who were unaffected by the Occurrence. Under the twilight sky, the supernatural population roamed the streets freely, paying no heed to the lesser humans encased in amethyst. It was difficult to tell which fantasy creatures did or did not exist. Fey creatures seemed to be the most common, but Isaac would observe demons as well, if the Occurrence happened while he was visiting the darker parts of town. There was at least one minotaur in town which Isaac happened to observe every few months; once, at a bonfire in the country, he had seen what appeared to be a manticore.
Isaac checked the clock by the door out of habit. Of course it still read 12:00. Everything stopped during the Occurrence, whether or not it was surrounded in crystal. Even objects overturned by the supernatural were reset once time reset. At least, that’s how he assumed it would happen. Surely mysterious moving objects would provide a major clue to discovering the Occurrence.
Sighing to himself, Isaac turned back to his friends. Will had been sitting at the time; he could do little more than rap his fingers against the table. Alex had been holding a beer, which he was trying unsuccessfully to drink in the cramped space. Tony, however… Tony was simply gone. For whatever reason, Tony never seemed to be trapped by the Occurrence. If this meant he was a supernatural being… well, Isaac had never seen anything else to suggest that Tony wasn’t human. In fact, Isaac had been completely unable to recognize the faces of any of the supernatural creatures he had seen. If they did have human lives, their two forms looked completely different.
The door swung open, slamming with a dull thud against the crystal of a person standing in the entrance. A red-skinned demon entered the bar, scanning the crowd with its yellow, glowing eyes. Isaac was once again thankful for the soundproof nature of the crystals; he could see the out-of-towners screaming at the sight of the evil creature. The demon was actually a pleasant sight to him, since it gave him something to focus on. Time seemed to move slowly during the Occurrence simply because there was nothing to use as a frame of reference. And besides, the amethyst crystal was just as effective as a shield as it was a prison.
“You had better hurry, Itori,” it said, chuckling to itself. “I would hate to think that one of the fey decided to abandon its friends. Of course, if you had kept out of my business in the first place, this wouldn’t be a problem, would it?” The demon walked up and down the aisles of people as it talked, though Isaac couldn’t figure out who he was addressing.
“Itori, in here!” yelled a figure from the doorway. A sort of upright canine- probably a lycanthrope- burst through the doorway.
“It’s a shame you insist on defying us, Jaikneb,” said the demon, focusing its piercing glare on the stranger to the room. “The rest of your pack seems so happy to serve us. We can grant you what the council would never consider giving you.”
“Then the rest of my pack is short-sighted,” he replied with a snarl. “I haven’t forgotten who put us into these circumstances in the first place.”
“Suit yourself,” it said, leaning up against the table where Will was frozen. “It’s no scale off my back what you decide to do, beast. I’m here for Itori. Although, if he can’t be bothered to show up soon, I might just start without him…”
“I’m here, Metos,” replied an elf, who appeared in the doorway behind Jaikneb. “What do you want?”
“What do I want?” repeated the demon, laughing. “Why, Itori, I merely wish to repay the favor you granted me. I thought it must have taken considerable courage to break into my lair and free my prisoners. I suppose you thought it was an incredible victory.” It traced the facets of Will’s crystal as it spoke; the contact clearly made Will uncomfortable, but the crystal was too restrictive to allow him to do anything about it.
“He must be joking,” replied Jaikneb, looking back at his companion. “Itori, surely not even you would… you did, didn’t you? Itori, what did you do? You told me you never left the Grove last night!””
“Why, one might even say you robbed me of my friends,” continued Metos, turning to stare at Alex. “That hurt me very deep, you know. And I thought to myself, ‘Why don’t I repay the favor?’ How else could I possibly hope to retaliate in a similar manner?”
“You wouldn’t dare,” said Itori.
“Try me,” said Metos. It held up its clawed hand to the others, stretching his fingers in jest before plunging them through the crystal straight into the back of Alex’s neck. Isaac watched in horror as his friend sank unconscious to the floor, his body propped up in a mockery of life due to the restriction of the amethyst prison. His grief was cut short by the sudden howl of Jaikneb.
“Jaikneb, wait!” said Itori, putting his hand on the wolf man’s shoulder. “Remember the Code! Alex will be fine, as long as he stays inside the crystal. Metos can’t hurt anyone unless you…”
“Unhand me!” yelled Jaikneb, pulling off Itori’s arm and charging straight for Metos. The howl had transformed him somehow; Jaikneb’s bristling fur could not account for his sudden change in mass. The frenzied, muscular wolf lunged at a demonic opponent which did not even flinch.
Itori could do nothing but watch. The demon’s trick had worked. Metos grabbed Jaikneb’s leading arm, and used his momentum to throw him bodily at Isaac. Jaikneb hit Isaac’s amethyst crystal with a sickening crunch. The wolf man fell to the ground whimpering in pain as the force of the impact caused the crystal to start cracking along the lines of impact.
“That demonstration should be more than enough to remind you of your place,” said Melos. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from Fraternity Row during the Crepusculum.” Melos vanished in a cloud of haze, leaving Itori behind to try and fix the situation. Isaac noticed with surprise that the elf focused on his broken crystal before examining his friend.
“Jaikneb, are you okay?” asked Itori, shaking his unconscious friend. “Jaikneb, c’mon, wake up! If we can’t mend this crack before the Crep ends, he’s-“
**********************
“I was thinking of heading out,” said Tony, turning to address his friends. “You don’t have to leave, but since I’m the one with the keys…”
“Man, you could’ve told me before I got another drink,” said Alex, pointing at the bottle in his hand.
“Alex- you’re okay!” blurted Isaac.
“Umm… yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Are you feeling okay?” Will asked.
“I… yeah, sorry,” replied Isaac, after a moment of awkward silence. His mind was racing. He remembered everything! There had been a demon, and some fey- and the battle! They’d killed Alex- the wolf man had been injured- and his crystal! He’d never seen anyone break one of the amethyst crystals during the Occurrence before. He didn’t even know it was possible. That must be why he still remembered everything. But Alex and Will… they obviously didn’t remember anything. And Tony hadn’t even been there! Where did he go during the Occurrence?
“Anyway,” said Tony, rolling his eyes. “I’m headed out. It’s already past midnight, and I should pretend to care that I’m working in the morning.”
“Well, you go do that,” said Alex. “I’m staying here. The bars won’t close for another two hours, and I can walk home from here. You guys could come too, y’know. There’s room on the couch. The floor too, I guess.”
“I’m not sleeping in a Frat House,” said Will, shaking his head. “I’ll leave with Tony. He's gonna drop me off downtown- it's on the way, and I can take a shortcut through the city park.”
“What about you, Isaac?”
Last edited by Shillelagh on Fri May 07, 2010 9:08 pm; edited 13 times in total
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 12:02 am Post subject: |
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Intriguing! A first chapter that sure throws us straight in there. Demonic Groundhog day.
I got a little confused with the sound proof crystals apparently letting Isaac hear all that was going on anyway - and there were a lot of names to take in too. But once they started settling in my head it was good.
For the decision point, I suggest we had with Tony too. Clearly Isaac is intrigued with where Tony goes, and if he truly is supernatural, having such a friend on his side could only be a good thing.
I look forward to Chapter 2.
Happy Writing 
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:23 am Post subject: |
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Fascinating... It is as if the humans have a dual consciousness - but the one on the outside is totally oblivious of the one on the inside, although during the Crepusculum the real-life consciousness is still remembered by the one experienced while imprisoned in the crystal.
Of the soundproofing confusion Smee mentioned earlier - perhaps this could be read as a metaphor - Sound, like conscious memory, cannot escape from inside the crystal but sound and memory of the surrounding world can filter from the outside in.
What I found to be interesting is that while it was Metos and Itori who were arguing, Metos sought to use Jaikneb as an example to Itori. I wonder why Metos picked Alex to 'kill' when he had previously been toying with Will's crystal. And why did Jaikneb react so violently to Alex's supposed 'murder'? Was it just his canine instinct overriding his knowledge that he'd be safe inside the crystal, or does he have some unknown connection with Alex?
There are some intriguing unanswered questions here, particularly of the nature of the crystal shields themselves. And I wonder what Itori was worried more about - that Isaac might die, or that Isaac might remember?
For the DP: Itori has obviously done something to upset the demon Metos, and it sounds as if wherever he did it was at or near Fraternity Row.
My suggestion would be for Isaac to head there and see if he can pick up any clues. There'll be no danger of the Occurrence again until midnight tomorrow, so he could assume for now that he'd be safe.
Excellent debut chapter there, Shillelagh.
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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Would anyone else care to weigh in? I'd like to put this up for poll soon, so I'd appreciate any feedback. I'll be honored with even just a simple "Yes, I read this" so that I can know I'll have more than two voters. 
Good catch on "sound proof", Smee. I put in that detail to clarify that none of the humans could talk to each other during the Occurrence, without thinking about how my word choice affected the scene. I'll have to reword that snippet- I'll wait until after Chapter 2.
I'm also very interested in reading your speculations- right or wrong as they might be. You guys are definitly picking up on the curious details I put in on purpose. The story requires quite a bit of upfront exposition to get rolling, so I'm glad it didn't seem to be too unwieldly for you guys. It took me awhile to figure out how to get a chapter segment with enough action and dropped hints to keep the reader interested, while still having enough exposition to have it all make sense. (I'm also glad the numerous characters didn't slow you down in the end; that was my other worry.)
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 9:47 am Post subject: |
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Great start, Shillelagh. I really enjoyed this first chapter.
I agree with Crunchy on the dp. Head off to Fraternity row to look for clues. Sorry I've got nothing new.
Looking forward to chapter 2! 
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 8:17 pm Post subject: |
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Hey, don't worry about having "nothing new" to justify your post. I just enjoy knowing I have readers. I love feedback, even if it is just "Yep, I agree with everyone else"
Poll's up!
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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I voted for the frat row because as a college kid, I want to see how you describe them and see if it coincides with my knowledge.
Intriguing start, but a tough story to handle because of the intricacies. Make sure you don't wade into waters too deep.
| Quote: | | Time seemed to move slowly during the Occurrence simply because there was nothing to use as a frame of reference. |
Hmm, couldn't he take his own pulse to get some sense, however imprecise, of time?
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 11:39 pm Post subject: |
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Heh. Well, I'm also a college student, though I must admit that I'm more of an honor student than a party animal. I'm also used to writing frat characters in a comedic fashion- hopefully I'll be able to portray them seriously as well as believably. They'll pop up eventually, no matter which route we end up with.
| Quote: | | Hmm, couldn't he take his own pulse to get some sense, however imprecise, of time? |
I toyed with this concept quite a bit, actually. It really comes down to a battle of setting realism versus narrative convenience. I think that he could- he just doesn't. Do you know how many times your pulse beats per minute? Isaac sure doesn't. That's be a very inconvenient method of counting, anyway, and I'm not sure he cares enough. Most people would try counting aloud, though I'd imagine few could keep a tempo steady enough to be useful. And that assumes that keeping time would be useful in the first place.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Shillelagh wrote: | Heh. Well, I'm also a college student, though I must admit that I'm more of an honor student than a party animal. I'm also used to writing frat characters in a comedic fashion- hopefully I'll be able to portray them seriously as well as believably. They'll pop up eventually, no matter which route we end up with.
| Quote: | | Hmm, couldn't he take his own pulse to get some sense, however imprecise, of time? |
I toyed with this concept quite a bit, actually. It really comes down to a battle of setting realism versus narrative convenience. I think that he could- he just doesn't. Do you know how many times your pulse beats per minute? Isaac sure doesn't. That's be a very inconvenient method of counting, anyway, and I'm not sure he cares enough. Most people would try counting aloud, though I'd imagine few could keep a tempo steady enough to be useful. And that assumes that keeping time would be useful in the first place. |
Fair 'nuff. However, that raises the question-- if Isaac doesn't care so much about keeping Time, then why does he talk about it so extensively? Is he perhaps merely confusing the fact that the hands of the clock become frozen with an actual stop in the flow of time?
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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^_^ Well, you got me there. He talks about time extensively so that he can give expository information to the reader. He is confusing the frozen clock with an actual stop of time, but he is only doing so for the reader's benefit.
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Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 9:31 pm Post subject: |
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Great first chapter! The premise of human time stopping once in a while and fey time starting is what kept me intrigued, very original.
I chose to go with Tony. He seems to be different from the rest of the humans in that he disappears during the crep. So maybe a conversation with him might reveal something.
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 1:23 am Post subject: |
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I must say that that was quite the intriguing first chapter! I'm sorry I wasn't around sooner to be a part of the first discussion but it is something I definitely want to follow. I'm excited to see what comes of this story.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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| Who should Isaac allow to visit? |
| Allow the resue party into the room. |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
| Allow Itori into the room. |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
| Ask for Tony to come and visit. |
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40% |
[ 2 ] |
| No one- meet with the Council as requested. |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 5 |
| Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Scheherazade, Smee, Tikanni Corazon |
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