P.M.           Search      Members      Groups      Profile      Favorites      RSS      Register      Log in

Real Bananas!! The Finale! Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next   (currently a favorite of )    Storygames Home -> -> The Vault View previous topic :: View next topic   Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 7:11 am    Post subject: Real Bananas!! The Finale! "Hello all you likely lads, and gorgeous girls! This is Emerald Eyul here, announcing Chinaren's latest!" "What? He has come up with something new?" "Yes indeed BobMcBobsky! If you walk, hop, run, jump or slime over to the market place you will see a new shop where all will be revealed!" "Is it to do with the Arena of Death?" "Have you entered yet? Anyway, no, not that." "How about his Good vs Evil vs money storygame? Some new ideas for that?" "Nope, not that either!" "Well what is it then?" "All I can say is that it is new, it is coming soon and YOU could be a part of it!" "Well, you have sold me! I am off to the marketplace right now!" "That's the sprit! See you there!" >>>>>>>> _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:49 am; edited 38 times in total Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:23 am    Post subject: A light knocking on the door could be heard. A pause. Another knock, a little louder. Another pause, longer this time. Finally the handle slowly turned and a furry snout poked around the corner. "Hello? Anyone in?" Stoat peered into the shop. It was empty, though there was a blazing fire in the fireplace and a table with three mugs was placed in the middle of the room. Stoat scuttled inside, sniffing the air as she went. Seeing no one around she warmed herself by the fire and only then noticed the kettle on an ingenious cage affair next to the flames. Closer examination revealed the kettle to be full of tea. Shrugging to herself Stoat carried it over to the table and poured herself a cup. Only then did she notice the mug sported a 'Banana Challenge!' logo. She jumped as a loud knock came from the door. "Er, come in?" She said. The door swung open to reveal the tall, wild haired form of Smee. "Hello old Stoat" he said. "You in for this mad Banana lark as well then?" "Well, yes. I thought it would be fun to get a clone actually, see what it did and all that. Fancy a cup of tea?" Smee pulled up one of the chairs and slumped down onto it. "Why not?" They were both sipping the tea when the door rattled in its hinges as someone pounded upon the other side. "Come in!" they both shouted. The portal flew open to reveal Lord of the Night, in full Demon form taking a dramatic pose. He deflated when he saw Stoat and Smee sitting at the table drinking tea. "Oh, it's you two." he said, walking into the room and changing into human. "Is this it?" he asked. Smee nodded. "So far. Fancy a cuppa?" Lordy sat down with the other two and nodded. . . . . . . Behind a one way mirror Chinaren observed the three. "Is this it then?" he asked the curvatious form of Emerald Eyul, who was busy admiring her makeup in a small mirror. "So far boss. Don't worry though, I am sure more will turn up. Leave it a little while." Chinaren sat down and sipped a cup of tea of his own. "Well, they better hurry up is all I can say." he grumbled to himself, "Giving away free drinks. Tea doesn't grow on trees you know." Emerald merely smiled and turned back to the mirror... _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:39 am    Post subject: LOL! (although I'm still waiting to see what they've laced the tea with...) Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:22 am    Post subject: Indeed - it's barely begun and I'm already laughing. Quote: Giving away free drinks. Tea doesn't grow on trees you know." I dont know what the tea is laced with, but whatever it is makes it delicious as I usually hate tea. Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:54 am    Post subject: i think its probably....the blood of a freshly slaughtered virgin sounds like fun eh? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:53 am    Post subject: Oooh, I want tea! Smee -- You don't like tea? You can't be serious! I thought you were British! That'd be like me saying I don't like hockey. Oh wait, I'm not actually a fan.... Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:56 am    Post subject: I am British and still don't like tea. If you ply it with enough sugar (2 min, but preferably 3) then I can just about choke it down. Give me coffee though and I'll be seriously unimpressed. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:51 am    Post subject: 3 more for the pot... “…so there is no way that he would fit in there unless we cut another leg of him!” finished Smee, to the general laughter of Stoat and Lordy just as another knock came from the door. “Come in!” they all cried together. They looked towards the entrance and saw a tall, very thin man, step into the room, ducking under the doorframe as he entered. He wore a tall black brimless hat, a little like an upside down flowerpot and tight fighting dark trousers which him look somewhat like a severely disabled spider*. “Jnmrcs! Welcome!” said Smee. He turned back to the table to find another three mugs had mysteriously appeared on the surface. “Well well well!” “Find a chair and have a cuppa!” said Shady, leaning back on two legs and wobbling precariously. “Don’t mind if I do.” Said Jnmrcs and strode over to the wall where there were a couple more seats. He had just sat down on it, with his knees reaching up to his chin, when once again there was a banging at the door. Stoat looked up from pouring the tea and spilled half a cup onto the table. “Enter!” said Lordy grandly. In came a shadow, sliding around the wall. Following it came a short man with the logo of a wheel on his fine red tunic. “I still think you are up to something Dean,” he said to the shadow. “I can’t believe Chinaren would destroy anything that was making money.” The Shadow began to bulge, slowly expanding until it popped away from the wall and turned out to be a pleasant faced fellow with curly hair. He was smoking a long stemmed pipe, which immediately filled the room with blue smoke. “No smoking in here please Dean!” cried Stoat, still trying to mop up tea. Dean grinned. “Sorry Ms. Stoat” and proceeded to extinguish his pipe. Meanwhile Muaddib looked around. “Where is Chinaren then?” he said, a little confused. “Oh, I am sure he will turn up soon” said Smee, taking another draught of his tea. He looked into the cup. “You know, I don’t usually like tea, but this is very tasty. Pour us another would you Stoaty?” “Why not?” said Stoat, “It seems this kettle doesn’t get any emptier.” She poured several more cups for the newcomers and a refill for Smee. The others found chairs and sat down around the table. “So, you come to watch Chinaren destroy his factory as well then?” asked Muaddib to the others. “Ah! Now now Muaddib!” said Dean, trying to wink surreptitiously at the others without letting Muaddib see, “where are your manners? We don’t want to talk about all that now! Let’s just have a nice little chat first over this fine tea.” He took a long sip and smacked his lips. “MMM! It really is good stuff! Trust Chinaren to have the best.” He looked around. “So then, what does everyone think about the Story Game of the Month this time? I reckon it is a hard choice…” ……. Behind the mirror Chinaren rubbed his hands together evilly. “That’s more like it! Six of them now, and with Stoats sponsorship we should get another sucker I mean customer soon.” He leaned forward and poured another cup of tea for himself. Emerald finished putting another coat of lipstick on. “You should be careful with that stuff boss.” “No problems my dear, I have taken a swig of anti-dote. Of course, they haven’t.” he gestured to the six in the room, who now seemed to be getting quite merry. “Oh boss, you are evil.” Said Emerald, taking a seat next to him. “I do so like that in a, er, orange thing.” Chinaren’s smile turned into a leer. “Well my dear, it’s what I do.” He tried to peek down her blouse. “They won’t be hurt will they?” Emerald, a big hearted** girl gestured to the room. “Wha..?” Chinaren was momentarily distracted from her top. “Oh, no. Wouldn’t do to lose customers. They will not be harmed. At least physically. Now then, whilst we are waiting, did I discuss the company’s promotion procedure?” …… Dean shook his head. “Did you hear that?” he said. “Whaaaat?” said Smee. The room was beginning to spin. “Sounded like a slap around the face. Mmm, m’ cups empt’. Pass the jug will yer…” *Chinaren inc. reserves the right to imagine people’s description! **Or something. <<<<<<<<<<<< Okay, this will start being a storygame soon! Promise! Any more entrants? Still one space sponsored by the Stoat available! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:57 am    Post subject: can i enter again? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:59 am    Post subject: I knew it! I knew it! He gone done somethin' to the tea! *does the 'I told you so' dance* *falls over mid-dance due to the drugged tea* Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:59 am    Post subject: Quote: can i enter again? ??! Mmm. I suppose technically you could have two clones. But no, that would be silly! You can enter someone else* or course! Quote: I knew it! I knew it! He gone done somethin' to the tea! *does the 'I told you so' dance* *falls over mid-dance due to the drugged tea* LOL! *Which again, I can't condone with one hand, whilst taking your money with the other. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Last edited by Chinaren on Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:02 am; edited 2 times in total Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:02 am    Post subject: can i use the last free space to enter a clone of you? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:06 am    Post subject: It's not the last free space* folks! Others can enter, though I suppose we shouldn't have too many. I am considering taking part in this as well, not sure yet, but it could happen! *Just the last free one! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:11 am    Post subject: i was talking about the last space which has already been paid for - and putting you in it _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:13 am    Post subject: oh,, and i dont like tea or coffe either - you're not the only Brit Smee _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:14 am    Post subject: Actually no. I have plans for my entry! gah! Will people stop posting between me answering and hitting 'submit'!! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:20 am    Post subject: we're sorry _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:35 am    Post subject: Excellent Chinaren - This is set to be a lot of fun. *Throws away brandy and pours a glass of chinaren tea. Adds redbull and is alarmed by the thick green foam that appears.* Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:56 am    Post subject: Quote: “So, you come to watch Chinaren destroy his factory as well then?” asked Muaddib to the others. Hehehh... Chinaren what else can you destroy? I like coffee, but I hate tea. I especially love Iced Cappucinos from Tim Horton's with a little bit of chocolate milk in it. Edit: Oops forgot to quote it, I have a question. Would I be able to start my own little storygame with the people from IF, and be able for them to have special appearances in it? Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:05 pm    Post subject: Re: 3 more for the pot... chinaren wrote: They looked towards the entrance and saw a tall, very thin man, step into the room, ducking under the doorframe as he entered. He wore a tall black brimless hat, a little like an upside down flowerpot and tight fighting dark trousers which him look somewhat like a severely disabled spider*. *Chinaren inc. reserves the right to imagine people’s description! Interesting description... * run to a mirror and look at it, "Did he saw me?" * Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:57 pm    Post subject: Hehe. I usually go by the avatar Jnmrcs, but I was tired and had forgotten what your avatar looked like, so I just made up a description of you that popped into my head for some reason! Actually, I everyone in IF has two* forms. Their avatar form and a human one. In this story anyway. Okay everyone, I think I have enough to start. Had another 3 (or 4) entries overnight. I won't turn anyone else away who wishes to enter, but they need to do it soon! *Or more. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:52 pm    Post subject: I'm in, I'm in, I'm in... WOOT!!! I can't wait for my special guest appearance. *Strikes a handsomely good pose* *Audience Ooo's, and Aah's* *Flicks up jacket collar like The Fonze* *Everyone faints* Can something like that be in the story? Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:33 pm    Post subject: The Socialist Party is very excited to be able to witness the destruction of factories, a testament ot capitalistic opression of young men and women everywhere. Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:29 am    Post subject: Hey cool! I'm a were-shadow wizard hobbit! Kickass, man! Sorry for the spam, but that seriously rocked. Ha! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:45 am    Post subject: Episode 1 - Let the Games begin! Episode 1 - Let the Games begin! “Factris? Whaaa factris?” Muaddib laughed hilariously at nothing at all as he downed another cup of tea. Stoat had fallen backwards in her chair and now lay sprawled out on the floor snoring, legs stuck in the air. Smee was swaying in his seat, and trying to get more drink in his mouth, whilst the rest were debating how the quality of socks had degraded in recent years and how that purple colour should only be worn on Wednesdays* The door burst open and was immediately replaced by a rotund figure, a swirling blue cloak flapping around him in the wind like a tent that had blown free. “I heard there was a party going on!” said Key, pounding forward. “Why wasn’t I invited? Someone hand me a cup, no never mind that container will do, it looks like I have some catching up to do!” So saying he emptied a vase of some nice red flowers and poured himself a pint of tea. “Waaa weeeee welcome Key!” slurred Dean holding his cup up. “Try summ teee! Slovely!” He put his cup on the table with a slam and then slowly tilted over sideways.” “Damn! This is good stuff!” Key beamed as he emptied the vase wiping his mouth with his sleeve and filling the flower-pot up again. A clanking distracted him for a second. In through the door clumped a large metallic being, humanoid in shape only by default. Steam hissed from various joints and a small jet of oil squirted onto the floor as it surveyed the scene. “Yaay!” said Lordy waving his mug about and slopping tea over the recumbent figure of Stoat. “It’s Mr Ninjaborg! Come on in. Do you drink tea?” Cyborgninja looked around with an expression that would have been puzzlement, if he had expressions. “I am here for the Banana expedition <bleep>” He said. “Nononono! We warthchin Chinaren factry fall over.” Said Muaddib, and then slumped forward face down onto the table. Cyborgninja walked forward and picked up the Muaddib’s mug. Extending a probe from one of his fingers he stuck it in the tea. “Analysis detects various intoxicating substances. Consumption of beverage not recommended. <bleep sproing>” “Well then, I am glad I am late!” a figure dressed in pink robes with blue stars and moons upon them entered the room behind the cyborg. He had a new yellow hat with neon signs, proclaiming himself to be ‘Groovy cat Idea Master’ except the ‘s’ of the ‘Master’ wasn’t working. “I don’t think I will be having any of this tea!” he said triumphantly folding his arms. “Now what will Chinaren do eh?” There was a flash of orange smoke and Chinaren, in human form, appeared in the room. “Well, as you are the last entrant I will just get the Mysterious No-one to bop you on the head. It is cheaper and easier all round.” He nodded and Idea Master swiveled about just in time to see a large bat descending towards him… …………. Stoat awoke with a blinding headache and a loud buzzing in her ears. “Arg!” she said, with feeling and clutched at her head with both paws. “Arg! Arg arg! Urg.” She sat up with some difficulty and, very very carefully looked around. Despite what she felt like, her head remained on her shoulders, though she was not really sure if she wanted it to. She was laying down in a narrow room, bare of all furnishings except for one seat, upon which Chinaren was sitting reading some sort of magazine. Squinting she could just make out the title of ‘Evil Creatures in Bondage! Christmas Special.’ Sprawled around her in a not very tidy heap were a number of sleeping forms, though there was also a large robot which appeared to have been turned off and Idea Master, tightly bound and gagged sitting against the wall. He didn’t look very happy. Chinaren looked up and caught sight of Stoat trying not to be ill. “Stoaty! You’re awake! Welcome back! How do you feel?” Stoat made an Expression. “Oh. That bad eh? Well don’t worry, it will wear off quickly.” “ARG! Urg! Blah! What hit me? Who am I?” Dean clutched his head and rolled over. Several other forms stirred and made similar noises of distress. Dean sat up and promptly vomited all over Muaddib, which set Stoat off and in turn Jnmrcs and Smee. Chinaren lifted his feet up to avoid the flying chunder and made a face. “People people! Please! You are making a mess of your jumpsuits!” Stoat wiped her mouth and looked at herself. She was wearing a bright yellow jumpsuit with the Chinaren logo on the front and ‘Real Bananas!” written underneath. She seemed to also be carrying some sort of large rucksack on her back. “China!” she said, teeth showing in a snarl. “I am going to bite you so hard…” Chinaren stood up and held his hands infront of him. “Now now folks, no need to get all stroppy. I will admit, I didn’t expect the tea to have such nasty after-effects, believe me, I had it too. That’s the last time I buy anything from that Banana shop I can tell you.” He stood up and strode over and between the bodies and flicked a switch on Cyborgninja. “<Bleep> Booting. Windows 3.1 loading, please wait…” With that done he nodded to a corner of the room and said “RLZ, if you would please?” and a short teddy-bear like figure walked over and untied Idea Master. Once everyone was sitting up he stood infront of them and spoke. “Welcome contestants! I would like to introduce your guide for this show, the delectable figure of… Emerald Eyul!” He backed away extending a hand. From the other corner a shapely figure walked forward, wearing a similar jumpsuit to the others, except it was black. Around her several flying eyes orbited. “Welcome viewers to the first episode of REAL BANANAS! Our contestants are even now over the territories of Banana-land!” Stoat, Smee, Lordy, Jnmrcs, Muaddib, Dean, IM, Cyborgninja, and Key all looked around. “What’s all this about?” asked Key. “I didn’t sign up for this!” Emerald ignored him and continued speaking. “The first decision for our viewers will be where to drop the contestants? Let’s go over to Bob in the studio for a look at what options we have!” <cuts to Bob in the studio standing infront of a large map.> “Thank you Emerald, and may I say you are looking lovely today!” <Turns to the map and starts to point.> “Well viewers we have a hard choice here! Where should we drop our contestants? How about here, in the Yellow Desert? Baking hot yellow sands and five headed scorpions the size of small horses so I hear!” He pointed at another region. “Here we have Sugar inhabited jungles. Sounds sweet? You haven’t met these Sugars! How about the swamps of lesser Fuggle? A dour region I am led to believe, with rolling swamps and strange castles that no one is quite sure of. Of course, perhaps you may wish to choose the Great Plains of the roving hordes? Or maybe the rolling lush hills of the Insect peninsula takes your fancy? I personally recommend the Valley of the head hunting tribes of Muggableagooba!” <cuts back to Emerald> “Sounds wonderful Bob! So viewers it’s time to vote! Just dial the numbers on your screen to vote for the option you choose!” RLZ stepped forward. “…and CUT! That’s a wrap folks!” “Excellent excellent.” Said Chinaren. “WHAT THE IFFING HELL IS GOING ON CHINAREN????” shouted Key. “Oh hello Key. Sorry, but you wandered in at an unfortunate moment, and then Cybornija paid for your entry. Welcome to the Banana Challenge!” Smee stood up. “That’s it. I am leaving!” He lurched towards a door set in the wall. “Er, I wouldn’t do that if I were you…” said Chinaren. Too late. Smee had wrenched hard on the door, swinging it open… And leapt back. “What the!!!” he said. Outside was air. Peering down carefully he could see clouds below them. He looked at Chinaren. “Rules are in your pockets** guys!” said Chinaren cheerfully. Just have to wait a minute for the vote… “Guys? Guys? Now guyssssssssssss!!” *This was one of those conversations that make perfect sense only if you are drunk. **See the Marketplace shop for a copy of the show rules! >>>>>>>>> _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:59 am    Post subject: LOL! He even drugs the volunteers. The man has style! I'm not sure whether I should be voting on this, since I'm a participant, not a viewer... ...but I decided to put in a vote for Muggableagooba, just for the challenge of seeing if I could spell it properly! Not that I mind where we end up going. It all sounds lovely! Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:10 am    Post subject: i have to agree, mainly because if worst comes to worst we can always eat them _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:24 am    Post subject: I voted, for the same... (the Muggableagooba * thanks for the copy and paste LOL) Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:54 am    Post subject: I think Ive been tricked! To the Mugglewoaepa aesekfsemf erm Valley! REVENGE!!!!! Can someone please look after my hoes...ahem I mean the memebrs of the Socialist Party? Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:35 am    Post subject: Quote: RLZ stepped forward. “…and CUT! That’s a wrap folks!” Woot! I'm the director! You all belong to me, and my powerful game show making abilities. Although chinaren can overpower me with his story making abilities, beacuse I'm in his story... How many Fables to pay to get more lines in? Edit: Oh yeah, I pick sugary jungles because it sounds tasty. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:26 am    Post subject: Episode 2 &#8211; Muggableagooba Valley Episode 2 – Muggableagooba Valley. “…and the votes are in! The Valley of Muggableagooba it is!! Let’s go over to the studio and Bob who can tell us a little bit more about this verdant area!” “Thank you Emerald. Yes indeed. The Muggableagooba valley is situated in a tropical zone. A mountainous region covered in heavy jungle and not easily accessible from the ground, it has still only partially been explored. The reason for this isn’t just the heat, humidity, large amounts of poisonous and or meat eating predators, or even the frightening number of diseases one can so easily catch, no sir. It is mainly because of the many fierce tribes of pigmy, head shrinking cannibal Muggableagoobas. These yellow haired midgets can spit a poison dart from the top of an Ungabadoo tree with their eyes closed and still hit you in the jugular. A great place to start the show!” “Thank you Bob. Well, the competitors will get prepared and we shall be back after these messages…” “…and cut! That’s a wrap!” said RLZ. The Flying eyes circled Emerald once more and then came to rest in their portable travel hutch. The contestants sat around on the cabin floor in headache driven silence. Chinaren sat on his chair in a sulk. A door opened at the front of the cabin to reveal a shape in a long robe and with a dark space for a face. “Er, Chinaren? We are over the area now. Er, just one thing.” “Yes Sorrow? What is it?” “Did you by er, any chance get your fuel from the Banana shop?” “Maybe. It is made of bananas you know. Very environmental.” “And cheap no doubt?” “You know I would never stint on providing the best money can buy!” Chinaren said, his back up. “Ah well yes. The only problem is…” Sorrow grabbed onto the door frame as the cabin suddenly gave a lurch, “it has just run out. We are going down!” Chinaren and the others lurched to their feet. “Everyone out!” RLZ shouted. “What??! There is thousands of bits of nothing out there!” Said Key, falling backwards as the floor tilted and landing on IM, who shouted a muffled protest. “Don’t panic!” said Chinaren staggering his way to the door Smee had opened before. “You are all wearing the latest in Descent Braking technology. Just jump, count to five and pull the little red cord on your belts. Look, I will show you hooooowwwwwwww…” Chinaren’s shout tailed off as he leapt out of the door. There was a brief moment of silence as everyone looked at each other, followed by a mad dash for the door. Claws clawed, fangs bit and curses were exchanged as first Stoat, who was the most wigglyest, then Dean, who had turned into Shadow form jumped for it. They were closely followed by Smee, who had been propelled out by Key’s bulk, then Muaddib, RLZ, IM, Sorrow, Lordy, Jnmrcs and Cyborgninja. Emerald waited until they had jumped and then stepped out in a ladylike fashion followed by the flying eyes, perfectly at home in this environment. * The jungle was silent. Well, not really silent. Birds squawked and made other bird-like noises, monkey type creatures threw brown stuff* at each other and various other animals screeched, roared, barked or made sounds they thought appropriate. Other than this though, the jungle was silent. Except for the wind rustling through the leaves. Silent. A large creature crashed through the undergrowth. Insects hummed around various blooms, some of which ate them. But apart from all that, silent as a grave. Through this deathly still a noise could, just about, be heard. It sounded like… “Blooodyhellgetawayfrommeyoudirtyanimalhelphelphelp!Anyonethere?Arrgg!Itbitme!Gerorfff!” The traditional landing place for anyone who bales out of any kind of flying craft, whether it is a flying carpet, or a crashing Death-Cruiser is hanging from a tree. Muaddib had honored this tradition and was not enjoying it. Some large yellow furred monkey-like animal was trying to nibble at his foot. “Hello?” a voice came from below somewhere. “Is that you Muaddib?” Muaddib, peering past the monkey thing, which was trying to suck up his shoelace like spaghetti, saw the bright yellow ball that was Key, followed by the various other members of the group. “Help! Get me down! I am surrounded by dubious creatures!” responded Muaddib. “I would have though you would have been used to that in your district” muttered Dean. “RLZ will climb up and rescue you! Never fear!” said RLZ striking a heroic pose. “The cameras aren’t on.” Said Chinaren, trying to catch some kind of insect that was crawling up his leg. RLZ scowled. “In any case, RLZ will climb this tree and rescue the competitor!” He ran to the tree, which was a large squat affair with a trunk covered in vines. He started to climb, managed to scrabble about 10 feet up before losing his footing and tumbling back to the ground, landing on his head. “Ouch! RLZ hurts!” “Cyborg, give us a leg up will you?” Jnmrcs asked. With a bit of effort and a lot of grunting Jnmrcs managed to climb onto the man-machine, which hissed and let out more steam than usual. “Stoat, get up here!” said Jnmrcs. Stoat, after falling off once, managed to scramble up Cyborgninja and the lanky form of Jnmrcs and into the lower branches of the tree. Throwing a stick at the monkey thing to scare it off, she scrambled along until she reached where Muaddib was tangled up. “Key!” she shouted down. “Catch Muaddib when I let him go…now!” “What did you say Stoat?” said Key, looking up from where he had been leering over Emerald. There was a thump as Muaddib landed. “Oops. Sorry Muddy!” shouted Stoat scrambling back down. “I am not Muddy!” said Muaddib, standing up in the pile of something he had landed in. “Actually you are right, that is not mud,” said Lordy, “poo! What do those monkeys eat?!” “Bah!” said Muaddib glowering at everyone and trying to clean himself off with some leaves. “Right then!” Chinaren stepped up and made a sign at Emerald. “Now we are all safely down…” he paused a moment as IM said something under his breath, “…now we are all down, we should start the competition!” “But we crashed! How will we get survive? How will we get back?” said Smee. “The show must go on!” said Chinaren simply. He turned to Emerald. “Ready?” Emerald nodded, picked out her microphone orb and spoke into the flying eyes. “Viewers! Welcome back! We are all down and safe, well, as safe as can be in the deadly Muggableagooba jungles! The first task for our competitors is to retrieve a map! Easy? Of course not! The map is in the hut of a village chieftain in a nearby Muggableagooba village. Let’s go and look at it shall we?” “That’s a wrap!” said RLZ. “Right folks, this way then!” said Chinaren cheerfully. “You are crazy! Why should we do this?” shouted IM. “Hey, you signed up! You want to get out of here or not?” Chinaren said. “Bah.” IM scowled again, but followed as the group moved off, picking their way through the jungle. * “There it is viewers! The Muggableagooba village! As you can see, there is a bamboo fence surrounding about 20 mud huts. In the middle is a large hut, the hut of the chief who is also usually the shaman**. Walking around I can see about 20 or thirty little Muggableagoobas. Most seem to be women or children, though there are about 10 guards, 2 each at the two gates, which are open, and the rest patrolling around the wall, inside and out. There are probably some others inside, but likely not many. The main hut in the middle is where the map is.” Emerald turned back to the cameras. “Now one of our competitors will be tasked with picking two others and devising a plan to retrieve the map. So, who shall it be? Who shall lead a small team to perform this simple task? Press your voting horns now!” *You know **A tribal wizard >>>>>> Who shall lead this task folks? Vote! But Chinaren and Emerald are exempt! (Sorry) haha. Whoever wins gets to pick two others and they have to device a basic plan to retrieve the map. Remember, it is Chinaren’s devious brain you are up against here, so be prepared for the unexpected! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:51 am; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:34 am    Post subject: Crap. It would not accept that many names in the poll so I deleted one. Key is missing off this list, so if you wish to vote for him please reply in this thread or send me a PM! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:34 am    Post subject: Great stuff Chinaface! Could I ask a favour though? Can you put a clear list of everyone involved up at the top somewhere? It's hard to make a decision on who gets to do the mission when you have to trawl through all the names in the chapter Just trawling through now. I'll get back to you... Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:39 am    Post subject: Quote: RLZ scowled. “In any case, RLZ will climb this tree and rescue the competitor!” He ran to the tree, which was a large squat affair with a trunk covered in vines. He started to climb, managed to scrabble about 10 feet up before losing his footing and tumbling back to the ground, landing on his head. “Ouch! RLZ hurts!” RLZ likes! Rlz likes! Rlz thought story was funny! *Squats down, jumps up, and hits head on computer screen* Rlz thinks that, that only happens in stories. Not in real life... Everyone's probably going to vote for themselves anyway. RLZ did! Only cause RLZ wants to see RLZ do more heroic poses. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:42 am    Post subject: Oooh, this is a toughie! On the one hand, I'm the smallest and the wriggliest. I could possibly sneak up and get the map easier than most. Then again, Dean has shadow form, which might be even better Or there's cyborgninja who can just crash through the place and take what he wants. Eenie, meenie, myny mo... I pick the shadowy Dean. Let's see him get his little hobbity feet wet (metaphorically speaking) Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:47 am    Post subject: That's a good idea Stoat. Though here you can simply vote (except for Key of course) in the poll. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:49 am    Post subject: Oh! And remember, these little people are cannibals! It may not be totally safe! Ahem. *grins* _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 1:30 pm    Post subject: can i ask - do i have to stay in human form the whole time was it in sime sub clause of the contract in really smalle font that i missed or can i be a daemon and do that flying trick? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 3:28 pm    Post subject: Nice chapter. As I'm not wiser enoguh I won't vote for me.... But maybe rlz could make something... funny Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 5:09 pm    Post subject: I vote ME! After all, I am a mage, which is much better than a shaman. I could probably impress the locals with much magic and earn the map from the locals. Of course, sacrifices of others may or may not happen*... *Who do you think I am? Of COURSE it will!! _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 7:43 pm    Post subject: I voted for Stoat. After all who would hurt a sweet little vermin? *It laughssssss at usssssssssssss. Nassssssstttttttyyyyy little verminnnn* Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 7:52 pm    Post subject: lordofthenight wrote: can i ask - do i have to stay in human form the whole time was it in sime sub clause of the contract in really smalle font that i missed or can i be a daemon and do that flying trick? Nope, you can convert to Demon, bit if you do the flying trick they may do the posion darts trick. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:23 am    Post subject: Went with the shadowy Dean to lead these poor suckers...erm, the mapquest. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:46 am    Post subject: I voted for myself, as the more useful I make myself, the less likely I will be to get voted off. And of course, there's the incorporeal shadow thing. Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:51 am    Post subject: Yep - I think Dean's the one for this task. I'm just wondering what use I'm going to be though Do they need anyone to comment on their map? Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 6:56 am    Post subject: Quote: Nope, you can convert to Demon, bit if you do the flying trick they may do the posion darts trick ahh, but everyone knows daemons are immune to posion*. and if i get banished - well i'll simply come back again** I'm going to F5 smee, fauna and dean and vote for mr. invisible *the best daemons are immune to pain as well **albit in anywhere from a hundred to a thousand years _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 6:59 am    Post subject: you voted for me cren? how nice of you _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:47 am    Post subject: BUT!!! RLZ what about RLZ!!! GAH!!! Thanks jnmrcs for picking RLZ. RLZ thinks RLZ will do an amazing job. Vote RLZ!!! Vote for RLZ and he promises a... hmm... peanut butter! Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:24 am    Post subject: a peanut butter hmm? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 12:03 pm    Post subject: Yes!!! A hmm peanut butter! Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 10:16 am    Post subject: ARRRRGGGHHHH! I'm kicking myself for not getting involved in this one earlier! Is there any way I could still join? Great story anyway Chinaren! :biggrin: Anyway, I voted for Stoat cos' being wriggly and...... stoaty and....stuff (not to mention cute* would be really useful. *off to market place to pledge as many fables as he can to get in* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Last edited by Solomon Birch on Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:45 am; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:38 am    Post subject: Okay then. Dean has been voted to lead the party in. I will PM Dean and get him to come up with two people to go with him, and they can think of a plan. If Dean doesn't see this in time, I will make one up with Stoat and RLZ, who came in second. Unless you all just want to make a plan up and I will write it. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:58 am    Post subject: I'd suggest giving Dean first pick at the team and plan. If he's moving too slowly for you, though, throw it open to the rest of the rabble. I'm sure we'll get some interesting ideas on how best to rescue the map, and get rid of a few of those laybout contestants too Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 12:13 pm    Post subject: Voted for Muaddib simply for the sake of comic irony. Good going China dude most funny an stuff. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:45 pm    Post subject: I have thought of a way of adding the late entrants, so two more people will be seen soon, though possibly after the next chapter, so please be patient! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:40 am    Post subject: Yay!!! RLZ and Stoat in second! WOOT! Dean not come here, or RLZ gets mad! Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 6:51 am    Post subject: Thanks for the vote everybody...if it doesn't kill me. If I get eaten, I take my thank-yous back. I will bring Stoatie and Cyborg Ninja with me. Sorry, RLZ, but these two seemed like the safest choice. Statoie is small and wriggly, thus hard to catch, and CyborgNinja is, well, inedible. My plan is for Cyboprg Ninja to just run amuck, plowing houses over and stuff. Stoatie can draw attention away from the shaman's hut, by getting people to chase her. I'll run in as Shadow-Me and grab the key. Or Stoatie can grab the key, that would work too. Anyone else have ideas? Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 6:54 am    Post subject: Sounds good to me (or it will sound good until we're eaten, dismembered or otherwise mutilated. I know Chinaren's tricks!) Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:45 am    Post subject: chinaren wrote: I have thought of a way of adding the late entrants, so two more people will be seen soon, though possibly after the next chapter, so please be patient! YAY! :biggrin: That....er.... includes me right? _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 12:15 pm    Post subject: i want to eat someone... _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:19 pm    Post subject: Dean wrote: Thanks for the vote everybody...if it doesn't kill me. If I get eaten, I take my thank-yous back. I will bring Stoatie and Cyborg Ninja with me. Sorry, RLZ, but these two seemed like the safest choice. Statoie is small and wriggly, thus hard to catch, and CyborgNinja is, well, inedible. My plan is for Cyboprg Ninja to just run amuck, plowing houses over and stuff. Stoatie can draw attention away from the shaman's hut, by getting people to chase her. I'll run in as Shadow-Me and grab the key. Or Stoatie can grab the key, that would work too. Anyone else have ideas? Okay, I will start this one later then! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:54 am    Post subject: Episode 3 &#8211; Little Muggableagooba People. Episode 3 – Little Muggableagooba People. – Aren’t they cute... Urg. “Well Key wasn’t even in the poll! It’s not fair!” said Dean, waving his hands about. “Look, it’s obvious you were chosen for your unique ah, blending abilities” said Muaddib. “And whilst we are on the topic, don’t think I don’t know about you sneaking into the “Wobbling Bosom” for free either! The girls have asked for extra lights so they know which shadow is a real one and not some freeloading voyeur!” Dean sniffed. “I don’t know what you are talking about! I have never been to the Wobbler Button, or whatever it is called I’m sure.” “Look, that’s beside the point, they chose you so you have to go!” said Smee, “anyway, I don’t know what you are complaining about. You get to pick two others and make the plan.” Dean was quiet a moment as he contemplated this fact. “Mmm, you’re right Smee. Two others eh?” He looked around and his fellow contestants suddenly developed a case of hiding behind the nearest tree or bush, though Jnmrcs picked one which was home to a swarm of flying ants and spent the next 20 minutes slapping himself and growing purple spots. “Big metal man!” You are in! Dean slapped Cyborgninja, who bleeped. Dean looked around again and saw Stoat, who had been rummaging through her backpack and not paying attention to the conversation. “Hey Stoat!” smiled Dean. “Fancy a run?” Stoat pulled a cream cake from the bag and looked up startled. “What?” * Crubblagamoogalumps was putting the final touches to his latest head when the shouting started. As the Shaman and chief of the village he knew when screaming and shouting was organized, and this wasn’t the time for such. He grabbed his magic stick and waddled out of his hut. The noise came from the far end of the village. He thought for a moment. The Big orange Money Man* had warned him there would be something happening soon. He scratched his head and then smiled… * Cyborgninja was enjoying himself. Dean had told him to smash through the village and never mind about any people in the way. He crashed through a hut, another of the little people squishing beneath his metal feet. Steam hissed from his valves and oil squirted from his joints. A spear rattled off his back. He ignored it all and swiveled his arms around. “++Bleep++ Must Destroy!” his Idearium fuelled 386CPU detected a threat, a little Muggableagooba waving some sort of weapon, but a short burst from his flamethrower put paid to that. At the other end of the village Stoat weaved in and out of huts, keeping to shadows. Her job was made easier by the distraction of CyborgNinja. She held onto a half-eaten cream cake as she ran. “Mustdistractcan’tbecaughtOhgodIamgoingtodie!” she muttered, ducking behind a sack of some sort of fruit. Finally she saw the Shaman’s hut. Standing in a clearing nearby she stood still for a second to catch her breath, took a quick bite of cake and then jumped up and down waving her paws. “Here I am! Come and get me!” * “Yes viewers! The attack is underway!” Emerald Eyul stood on a low hill with the village framed in shot behind her, shouts could be heard in the background, and black smoke was curling up through the air. “Let’s cut to our flying eyes to see what is going on shall we?” “And there is the robot, Cyberg Nunji I think** he is called, rampaging through the village like a cheap horror movie! Oooh! There goes a little Muggableagooba! They certainly explode well don’t they? And I can see the weasel*** Look she is near the big hut in the middle, and there are five or six little Muggableagooba men after her including, it seems, the chief. He is the one in the feathers with the shrunken head necklace. He seems to be casting some sort of spell. Yes, yes it’s a shape-change spell. Oh dear! Stoat isn’t going to like that! Hehe! But she is still running! It looks like she is trying to reach the way out…” * A shadow in the Shamans hut bulged and then popped out onto the floor. In the center of the hut was a small chest. On it was a piece of paper with the word: ‘Map box’ written on it. Dean grabbed it and chuckled. “Glad I was voted after all, that way the others get the dangerous tasks!” He opened the box. There was a click, and only then did he see the other piece of paper that had been under the box. It said: “Careful, its booby trapped!” “Oh shi…” * “Beep++ Exterminate! Exterminate!” Cyborgninja turned a corner. Something dropped onto his optical pickups from above. “Error! Error! Visual imparement++ Reboot!” The cyborg slowed and stopped as emergency systems kicked in. Sitting on his shoulders holding the sack over the cyborgs head, a little Muggableagooba sniggered. *Guess who? **Being a bit of an airhead female Emerald, was not too hot on technical terms. ***Or animal names. >>>>>>>>> Okay, short chapter ‘cos I am a bit tired. Right then. Stoat is turned into something! But what is it? Suggestions please! Dean has activated a booby trap, but what has it done? Finally Cyborgninja is visually impaired. He needs help! Suggestions all round please! <<<<<<<<<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:07 am    Post subject: Chaos! Utter chaos! Love it Right. Suggestions. I think Stoat should turn into an ostrich. With whiskers. Good speed, much more tasty than a stoat, just in case she should be caught an eaten, therefore much more incentive for her to run away FAST!! Given that we're dealing with 'primitive natives' here, I think Dean's booby-trap should be something to do with blow-darts. It's traditional, after all. If he tries to move, a blow dart will shoot up from where it's been buried in the floor and hit him right in... the thigh Of course, he's a shadow, and they couldn't have anticipated that, so he might get away with it. You can always hope, can't you? As for Cyborgninja, I think it's time for rlz to come to the rescue. He can strike some heroic poses, distract some more of the natives and shout instructions to cyborgninja, who can follow them despite being blind. We'll get that darned map yet... Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:22 am    Post subject: Stoat should become a turtle. Slower than pond water, but she can still hide, sorta. And yeah...keep the whiskers. I like the poison dart idea Stoat suggested for the booby trap, and also bringing in rlz. Although it'd be excellent if CN had a self destruct where he could blow apart, sending pieces of himself at high velocity through the village, before automatically reassembling himself. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 12:06 pm    Post subject: Good chapter. I'm glad I'm sitting this one out, but something tells me I won't be thinking that when it's my turn. I think the Shaman wouldn't be casting anything useful to us, so maybe something like a chicken. I think the Shaman would have come up with something a little special for the trap. A powder that ignites in a blinding white flash of light. This has the side effect of being so bright that Dean can't become a shadow for an hour or so. As for cyberninja, I like the RLZ idea. Happy Writing. _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:23 pm    Post subject: The shaman should transform stoat on something that they can eat (as someone said before) but not as fast as a chicken. I preffer the turtle idea. For the trap, it should be something that capture the one who tried to take the map. Maybe something like a net or the dart idea with something that can paralize. For cyborg I like the rlz idea too. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:04 pm    Post subject: what about turning twisty into a bowl of soup? does it have to be something living? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:24 pm    Post subject: lordofthenight wrote: what about turning twisty into a bowl of soup? does it have to be something living? Well, given that I'm still running and trying to reach the way out, I think it'd have to be something a tad less soupy. However, if I was a giant nose, with two stubby legs beneath, I could still run - and run Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:31 pm    Post subject: but this way you could be caught and eaten it could even be milestone soup, just like you had or maybe running away would be a safer option _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:53 am    Post subject: lordofthenight wrote: milestone soup I hope you are joking... Good chapter Chinaman, and some great decision points... I think that turning Stoat into something silly would be good; the Mugleboobas (or whatever they're called ) should have some sick sense of humour and turn her into..... a tiny Stoat with tiny arms and legs or a frog with a huge face (ok, I'm a little drunk). I like the blow-dart idea for the booby-trap, and the Rlz idea for CyborgNinja. Can't wait for the next chapter! :biggrin: *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 5:51 am    Post subject: I like the self-destruct idea for CyborgNinja, as long as he can reassemble himself afterwards, like the robot on that movie, The Iron Giant. A turtle sounds cool for Stoat. Although...if CyborgNinja self-destructed, there could be a chance of him taking out the shaman before the spell was complete. So maybe...half-turtle? Whatever it is, definately keep the whiskers. Heheheh! The blow dart sounds like a reasonable booby trap for these natives to use on me. I'm scared though...can I change into shadow form before the dart hits me? Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:05 am    Post subject: LOL! Some good ideas here. I have thought of something for Dean, and I think the two choices for Cyborgninja are: Get RLZ down there, or Blow up (and re-assemble later) *Aha!!* Okay, never mind. I have an idea for that too! So, the vote this time will be for Stoat's shape change. So far, if I read this right, we have: Ostrich, turtle, chicken, giant nose on legs, tiny stoat, frog face stoat, half turtle and a bowl of soup, though I am not sure about that last one for reasons already stated. Anything else? As if that wasn't enough. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:24 am    Post subject: I vote whiskery half-turtle/half-stoat. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 10:14 am    Post subject: I vote for the tiny stoat... Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 3:23 pm    Post subject: Turtle definately a turtle ... I likes em I do. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 4:25 pm    Post subject: Okay then, the poll is up. This game seems to go for big polls! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 4:55 pm    Post subject: I still want to get into a mage-off with the village shaman! Can't I do that to give the contestants a clear way out? After all, if they don't get the map, we're all doomed. _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:01 pm    Post subject: I voted turtle ... I voted turtle Well you put it in twice so I thought I would too Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 9:21 pm    Post subject: Oh bloody heck The poll has gone bad again. The first one should have been ostrich! Why o why does this happen? Stooooaaaaaaaattt! Quick poll amend? _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 1:14 am    Post subject: As there were 5 votes and only 4 voters, I decided it was probably beyond repair. I've deleted the poll for you Chinaren. We'll have to start again, sorry Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 1:22 am    Post subject: Okay all. Sorry. The Poll is back up again, you will have to vote again I am afraid. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 7:53 am    Post subject: i went for the soup bowl on legs _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 3:54 pm    Post subject: I voted for the tiny stoat... nice. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 1:55 am    Post subject: I went for tiny Stoat too.... Hee hee, this should be funny _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 2:53 am    Post subject: hehe. One vote for everything except Tiny Stoat. So you say, so shall it be... *Starts writing* _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 4:35 am    Post subject: Episode 4 - Of cream cakes and Muggableagoob. Episode 4 - Of cream cakes and Muggableagoob. Stoat panted hard as the suddenly giant Muggableagooba tried to catch her using the simple technique of stamping everywhere. Luckily she was naturally wiggly, and the shrinking spell seemed to have the effect speeding her up, so she zipped in and out of the questing legs like a small furry pinball. Poggoboggo was an elite guard in the village militia, which entitled him to one extra banana a day and the choice of shrunken heads once the shaman had done with them. He took careful aim at the little white creature on the floor and stamped down hard. Movement ceased. He looked down. Nothing. The intruder was no where to be seen. Carefully he raised his foot and looked underneath. Still nothing. Poggoboggo scratched his head, dislodging a variety of small insects from their lifelong home. The others guards, still looking for the Stoat, suddenly saw Poggoboggo jump three feet in the air and scream, clutching at his sacred banana area*. The guard landed and then went very still, as if listening to a tiny voice only he could hear. Poggoboggo looked around. “Ah. Nothing. Look for animal. Do now!” The other guards paused a moment, then went about searching through the grass. Meanwhile Poggoboggo moved slowly and very gingerly away, towards the village gates. *Take a guess. >>> “++Bleep++ Danger Danger! Visual obscurity at critical levels. ++ Activate self destruct ++” Cyborgninja flailed its arms about wildly whilst the Muggableagooba crowded round to get a better look. >>> “I can’t see the Stoat anymore, perhaps they have squashed her!” said Lordy, peering down into the village. “There is the robot!” pointed Jnmrcs at the static figure. “He is just standing there in a middle of a crowd of little…” Cyborgninja exploded in a ball of flame, scattering bits of Muggableagooba over a wide area. “…pieces.” “Ah, that would be his self defense mechanism,” said Key who had found the cream cakes in Stoat’s bag and was helping himself. “Strange form of self defense, blowing oneself up” said Smee. “Oh, it’s okay. He can be put back together again. Just needs someone to collect the bits.” Key crammed a whole bun into his cakehole. “So it’s a rescue is it?” RLZ strode forward. From somewhere he had acquired a leather jacket, with ‘Born a man. Now a Hero’ painted on the back, though the last ‘o’ had faded which changed the message in an unfortunate way. “RLZ is your man!” He struck a Pose, which the flying eyes recorded, and then leapt off down the hill, quickly tripping over a root and rolling most of the way until he hit a tree with an ‘oof!’ Shaking his head he picked himself up and started running, stopped, turned around, and ran towards the village. A Muggableagooba stepped into his path. “Look!” said RLZ pointing behind the Muggableagooba and then punching the little man in the head as he turned to see, which only served to hurt his fist. RLZ resorted to kicking the guards’ sacred banana area and then leaping past the doubled up form into the village. Key wiped cream from his mouth and shook his head. “I wonder where he got that jacket from?” >>> A strange figure limped from the Shaman’s hut, taking advantage of the guards’ distraction to slip towards the exit. Walking was difficult for Dean as most of his left leg was in shadow form, as was all of right arm and the lower part of his torso. The rest was stuck in non-shadow, and he was feeling decidedly uncomfortable. “Bloody stupid game show” he muttered to himself as he slipped behind a Muggableagooba guard who had been dazed by Cyborgninjas’ explosion. “Stupid booby trapped box” he added as he tried to hold onto a wall, falling over as his hand passed through it. “Damn! I am going to kill that Chinaren!” Holding onto the hard won map with his solid hand he stood up and limped off. >>> Stoat staggered through the jungle, which was a dangerous task when one has to crane ones neck to see over the grass. She was wiping her mouth, spitting and muttering bad words under her breath. One unfortunate snake who thought she would make a nice meal was left vowing to stick to safer prey after a brief and brutal encounter. Once it figured out how to untie itself of course. Stoat was not in a good mood. Climbing into a Muggableagooba’s sacred banana area will do that for you. Especially as the Muggableagooba religion forbids showering except on a double lunar eclipse. >>> “Welcome back viewers! This is Emerald Eyul reporting from the Jungles of Muggableagooba! Our contestants have returned safe and sound, well a little bit sound, from the first challenge!” Emerald turned to Stoat, who was standing next to her open bag looking inside. “Little mouse, would you like to say something to our audience?” The tiny Stoat spit a curly hair out of her mouth. “I want to know who stole all the cream-cakes. Someone is going to be very sorry.” She looked at the last remaining one - a long sponge finger with a dab of cream squidged out of the end of it - and shuddered. “Never mind. Does anyone want the last one, too? I think I just lost my appetite.” She wandered off muttering under her breath. “Wouldn't say 'no' to a breath-mint, though...” “Er, thank you!” Said Emerald turning back to the flying eye. “And now for our next task!” “Two further contestants were late to enter, and unfortunately have fallen into hostile hands. Our brave team will now split into two groups and perform daring rescues! Probably.” Smee, Jnmrcs, Muaddib, IM, Cyborgninja (once he has been re-assembled) will go with Chinaren to rescue Sorrow, who has been captured by the Giant Slug-eaters of lower Muggableagooba valley, to the north of here. Meanwhile Tiny Stoat, Lordy, Dean, Key and RLZ will head off to rescue Crymzon who has been taken by something far more loathsome. What has captured our valiant companion I hear you ask? A good question…” >>>>>> So then. Suggestions needed! What has Crymzon been captured by? Let’s hear it people! Put your warped brains to use… And thank-you goes to Stoat for her quote! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Last edited by Chinaren on Thu Feb 16, 2006 8:12 pm; edited 2 times in total Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 4:59 am    Post subject: Oooh, good chapter! *sucks on a breath-mint* Now... what can have taken our dear Crymmy... How about the Mayor-eating Monkey Hordes of Muggableagooba Mud-pits? Crymmy should be safe... for now... but I'm not so sure about certain members of his rescue party Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 5:13 am    Post subject: No no no...It has to be a tribe of fanatics. There is always a need for fanatics. I really don't care what they are fanatical about (Heck, it could be green deer and purple cheese) They just need to be fanatical about something. ... And me rescuing Sorrow? What are you drinking, China, and why are you not sharing? _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Phang Elder Joined: 19 Sep 2004 Posts: 2160 Location: Phang's House of Mints Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 12:59 pm    Post subject: A huge, fearsome, twisted, foul...rather large blob. _________________ Stuff here Da Huuuuub Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 3:45 pm    Post subject: Very nice chapter... Just one thought, can I really divide into two? I'm in both groups. I'm not complaining, I like to participate... Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 3:50 pm    Post subject: Quote: Just one thought, can I really divide into two Oops! Sorry Jnmrcs, fixed! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 6:53 pm    Post subject: Quote: ‘Born a man. Now a Hero’ painted on the back, though the last ‘e’ had faded which changed the message in an unfortunate way. just wondering - did you mean last 'e' or last 'o' here? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 8:13 pm    Post subject: Quote: just wondering - did you mean last 'e' or last 'o' here? Damn! Fixed, thanks Lordy. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 9:09 pm    Post subject: makes more sense that way _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 11:16 am    Post subject: Very nice chapter there. Erm why is it always me that gets grabbed by the really big nasties? Its just not british ... ah well more fun this way. I don't know whats grabbed me but I've a funny feeling its going to be BIG. Nicely done China dude! Back to top Author Dean Guest Items Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 6:57 am    Post subject: Haha, great chapter, ChinRen. I'm starting to think you enjoy injuring me. Lol.... I think I know what captured Crymzon. And it's damned scarey too. It is definately...Margaret Thatcher in a tight dress. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 12:42 pm    Post subject: Dean wrote: I think I know what captured Crymzon. And it's damned scarey too. It is definately...Margaret Thatcher in a tight dress. I hope not! Funky chapter Chin, nice one! I reckon that it should be some sort of King Kond look-a-like, with Crymzon becoming the giant monkey's unwilling subject of affection! :biggrin: We need more Monkey love!! *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 2:39 pm    Post subject: King Kong, surely? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author D-Lotus Venerable IFian Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 2:55 pm    Post subject: How about nothing's captured crymzon...she's(he?) just being subjected by a deadly virus called...the diarreah virus! _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 3:08 pm    Post subject: ooh. A virus. I like the sound of that one. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 4:04 pm    Post subject: An interesting option... Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 1:40 pm    Post subject: A) I'm Male B) I do not want to be the subject of affection for a giant male anything and C) I'll be having nightmares for weeks now ... thankyou very much Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 4:52 pm    Post subject: Quote: A) I'm Male I told you your av' makes you look like a girl Crimmy! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author D-Lotus Venerable IFian Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:19 pm    Post subject: Its kinda hard to determine gender...the avatar can sometimes be misleading. _________________ Chapter 5: The Rendezvous Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:49 pm    Post subject: Well I'm still looking for a new one .... I'm not very good with pictures ... Anyone who finds me a bloody good (and fitting avatar) can av 200 fables Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:51 pm    Post subject: I am on the job! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 2:50 pm    Post subject: Thanks again for the brilliant spangly new Av ... fables are yours matey Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 5:57 pm    Post subject: I said a tribe of fanantics! Don't make me quote myself. Ooh! Have the tribe be fanatical about Crymzon! There's an idea! _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 7:41 pm    Post subject: Man I don't know whats scarier ... a fanatical tribe or a tribe fanatical about me ... I was thinking that a great big dangerous water monster has for some reason realised I'm one of its young and decided to keep me. Mental note: Stop taking horse tranquelisers I dunno, It's not a horrible idea ... Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 9:34 pm    Post subject: Okay, poll is up. Go for it! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:05 am    Post subject: Went for the monkey, cos' I want some monkey-on-man action! _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:03 am    Post subject: went for the virus, because daemons dont get sick wait - which group am i in again? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 7:12 pm    Post subject: Voted I have, hoping not to die horribly I am! Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 3:49 am    Post subject: Missed the suggestion phase, but here with a vote that some zealous motherly beast adopts sweet Crymmy as her own. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:16 am    Post subject: would you look at that post option - 1,2,3,4 _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 9:39 am    Post subject: *gasp* Incredible Lordy, how on earth did you spot that? _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:23 am    Post subject: it's all part of my awesome earth-shattering power - i have to be observant _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:57 pm    Post subject: Okay then. I think that is enough time. Lonely mother it is then dammit. I was so looking forward to the virus option. Unless... _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:00 am    Post subject: Feeling mild concern now but we'll see Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 6:06 am    Post subject: Episode 5 &#8211; Jungle perils. Episode 5 – Jungle perils. The steaming jade jungles of Muggableagooba are home to some of the most dangerous animals on US*, and include the Mainly Spotted Carnivorous emu, the highly feared Blue tortoise, whose mere angry glance can cause severe swelling** and death by bloat and, of course, the rare nine legged Wort spider, whose bite causes the most agonizingly painful death*** yet recorded by man. One of these dangerous spiders even now sat on the leafy floor of the jungle, secure in the knowledge that no intelligent creature would dare approach it… “I say! Look at that pretty insect!” came a voice. “That’s not an insect, that’s a spider, or an arackynud” replied another. “Don’t be silly!” said Key, bending down and picking it up, an act that was so unbelievably foolish that he wasn’t bitten purely because the Wort spider was in shock. This had never happened to it before. “Spiders have eight legs. This one has…” a minute of silence followed as Key did the complex math… “Nine! Nine legs!” He beamed triumphantly and waved the spider around. “Well it’s not an insect then either is it?” said Lordy. “Anyway, you should be careful with that thing, it may be dangerous.” “Nonsense! How could such a brightly colored thing like this be dangerous? Look at all those pretty red, yellow and black stripes, and its cute little teeth! Who’s a pretty insect thing then? Insecty winsecty,” Key lapsed into baby speak at the stunned arachnid. “Well, I think we should leave the wildlife alone. It might be endangered or something” said Stoat, who was riding upon Key’s shoulder, rather nervous at the sight of a spider her own size. “Put it down please, there’s a good mayor.” Key grumbled under his breath, but put it down on a leaf, behind which a ferocious carnivore had been lying in wait, readying to pounce. “I never get to keep anything,” moaned the mayor as the party moved on, oblivious to the death throes of a vicious giant tiger behind them, which had just been bitten by an enraged Wort spider. “How far is it anyway?” asked Dean, who was having trouble walking in half shadow mode. RLZ stopped and fished out the map he had been given. He was holding it upside down, though this was lucky in one way, because he was also misreading it. The combination of the two somehow managed to put them in the right direction. “RLZ says it is this way!” he said, after some head scratching. “Come on then, before Key finds any more new friends to play with” said Lordy, and the party moved off again through a particularly dense patch of trees. There was a sound of a rope swishing and suddenly the party was hoisted into the air like a flock of unusual birds taking flight. “What the devil?” cried Key above the more muffled and desperate shouts of the others, who happened to be uncomfortably arranged underneath him in the net that now entangled them all. “Trapped! Trapped I say!” He waved his arms about. A figure stepped out from behind one of the trees. It was some sort of Muggableagooba pigmy warrior, wearing a grass skirt, copious amounts of yellow war paint and with the latest in human-bone body piercing ornaments. A small necklace of shrunken heads finished off the ensemble. He waved a short stick and did a little jig as he saw the catch his trap had netted. “Oh! Bigoolugoogrublog be lucky today indeed!” he said. “Mucho heads to shrink today yes indeedy!” Key peered down, an act that didn’t endear him to his companions underneath him. “I say! You down there! We appear to have become entangled in this netting somehow. Be a good native and let us down would you?” This plea stopped Bigoolugoogrublog’s little dance and caused much mirth. “Hohohoho! Big talking ball very funny! Talking balloon head me keep for me! Look good on mantelpiece in hut oh yes!” The pigmy walked underneath the swinging group and started counting his catch. “Pssst! Hold on!” A small voice above Key made him look up. Tiny Stoat had climbed up through the netting and was busy chewing through the straining rope. “Aha!” Key said, and tapped the side of his nose, subtle as a brick. “Gotchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Stoat’s efforts had achieved their desired result, and the lot of them fell back to earth with a resounding crash. “My arm!” “Get off me you fat oaf!” “Who are you calling fat? I have lost weight I will have you know!” “Oohh my god! I think I have squashed my tibea!” “Get your knee out of my kidney!” With much complaining the five of them detangled themselves and crawled out of the net. “Bloody pigmies!” shouted Lordy looking around. “Where is he? Where is the little yellow haired midget? I am going to make him very sorry indeed.” “Too late. He is already sorry.” Said Dean and pointed. Under the remains of the net, mostly buried in the soft earth were the definitely flatter remains of the unfortunate Bigoolugoogrublog. Lordy winced as Emerald stepped out from behind a tree. “Great going guys! The ratings just shot up! Keep it up!” “You were there all the time and didn’t help us?” asked Dean. Emerald shrugged, causing her upper parts to jiggle distractingly. “Sorry, can’t interfere. More than my jobs worth.” “I say!” a small voice interrupted from above. “Would someone mind catching me please?” They looked up and Lordy just about managed to catch Stoat as she let go of the rope. “Nice catch Lordy” she said, sitting on his head. “Right, if we are all ready, let’s find Crymzon shall we?” Said Dean. They nodded and set off again up a steep incline, leaving the unfortunate Bigoolugoogrublog behind. >> “This is Emerald Eyul, reporting from deep in the jungles of Muggableagooba. I am here with team A who are currently tasked with rescuing one of their party. As you can see, they are huddled together behind that tree, presumably discussing their tactics. Let’s get closer and listen shall we? “…tell you one more time, I didn’t eat your bloody cakes!” “Well, if it wasn’t you, why do you have cream on your jumpsuit then?” “Stoat, now come on. You know how fast they go off, I was doing you a favor!” “So it was you! You admit it! Do you know what I had to do to get Chinaren to get those cakes for me? I am going to…” “Well, let’s leave them to their discussion and look over and see what had captured Crymson instead. Just over this hill and there he is! You can see him just outside that cave there. Oh, and look at that thing! What sort of creature is that? Let’s watch and see what our contestants do next…” > Lordy crept over the rise and looked down at the cave. Dean poked his head up next to him. “What can you see?” Lordy squinted. “There is Crymy. He seems to be laying on the floor against that rock. I can’t see anything that…oh!” Down below, a thing had just emerged from the cave entrance. It could best be described as a large amoeba, but at least two meters tall and a pulsing green color. As they watched the thing bent over Crymson. “How is my little girl feeling now? Are you better? Poor thing. It’s lucky I found you.” It extended a tentacle and patted Crymson on the head. Crymson groaned. “I told you! You are not my mother! And for the last time don’t call me a girl!” The Amoeba ignored him. “There there, don’t worry, Mummy will look after you until you feel better. Just lay there and rest for now. I will be just inside the cave. Just call if you want any more slug soup.” “Arg! You are the thing making me sick you overgrown virus! And how can I go anywhere, I am bloody well chained to the rock!” Crymson sneezed and groaned, slumping back on the floor and rattled a large thick chain, which was previously hidden in the leaves. “Oh my head!” Lordy and Dean looked at one another and slid back down out of sight. “Well?” asked Stoat, “what did you see? Is he there?” “Some sort of giant virus thinks he is his daughter.” Said Dean. “How are we going to rescue him then?” Said Key. “Hmph. Just pretend it is one of my cakes and eat it” said Stoat, who technically wasn’t talking to Key until he apologized for Cake-gate, as she had named the incident. “RLZ will rescue him!” said RLZ standing up. Dean pulled him back down. “It won’t be that easy this time. How will you get the chains off?” “What we need,” said Lordy, “is a plan…” *The planet US that is, home of the City of IF and all the rest. **Usually of the feet or ankles. The blue tortoise isn’t that tall. ***As researched by the Inquisition of AHA during the bloody reign of Hargle the Mad. >>>>>> So there you go chums. What now? <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Last edited by Chinaren on Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:58 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:18 am    Post subject: Why don't they all pretend they are related to Crymzon .. .that means the giant slug has a very big family. While its trying to feed them all they can figure out a way for him to escape. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:19 am    Post subject: Excellent! Hilarious! It's not going to be easy to kidnap little Crimmykins from Mummy. This calls for a giant hanky to distract the virus, and a way to liberate Crimmy from the chains. Hmmm, maybe just take Crimmy rock and all...lasso a passing elephantal spirit beast and have it lift and carry the rock. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:30 am    Post subject: _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 8:14 am    Post subject: ROFL!! Marvellous stuff Chinaman! One teensy weensy typo: Quote: “Get of me you fat oaf!” Well, I think that the group should decide to whether or not Crymmy is worth saving.... Nah, not really; I think that they should try and find something that could distract the Mater-Virus, possibly with someone volunuteering to pretend to be it's daughter til' they can rescue her.... I mean him... *ahem* Or with some other ingenious distraction method that I may come up with in the near future... But probably not. *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 8:57 am    Post subject: you managed to include the virus afterall i think we use someone as a diversion - RLZ seems eager- while someone else goes in and rescues Cryms preferably someone strong enough to get him out of the chains _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:13 am    Post subject: Good chapter again, Chinny, I think that the only way we're going to be able to deal with Crymmy's chains is by giving the mother-amoeba-virus something else to focus her attentions on. Presumably this poor creature has lost her real daughter, otherwise she wouldn't have to depend on Crymmy to fill her maternal needs. Find the daugher, return her and Crymmy will no longer be of any interest to momma-virus. It'll mean leaving him in her gentle clutches for a while longer, but I'm sure we can do this. After all, we've survived this far, haven't we? (some of us better than others, but what the hell) Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:55 am    Post subject: Have RLZ do a Tarzan yell...that should attract a few elephantal spirits. Is Smee with this group? He's got superb lasso skills...he gets the IF chat crickets all the time, so something as big as an ES should be no problem at all... _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Mother Goose Respected Citizen Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 511 Location: Connecticut Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:10 pm    Post subject: Can't keep up with the marvelous ideas in this story, but I'm enjoying it no end, just to let you know. Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:46 pm    Post subject: Yes ... all of the above JUST HELP ME!!! Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:04 pm    Post subject: Nice chapter, great one... There are some good ideas. Try to find her daughter seems to be the more wise but also you will need a second idea just in case you never find the daughter or even worse, you find her dead. Maybe we don't need to cut the chains. Took him with the rock it's more faster, only if someone could with that. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:06 pm    Post subject: well, if I can be a daemon i might be able to. Or what about cyborg - is he with us? And how about magic, just making it disappear? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:15 pm    Post subject: Technically I could just chew my foot off ... I can always get Stoaty to sow it back on for me later? Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:16 pm    Post subject: can you reach your foot though? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Crymzon Guest Items Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:18 pm    Post subject: I dunno I was thinking my own flesh might give this god awfull muck she's been feeding me some flavour? Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 5:12 pm    Post subject: i guess it's possible. blood is nice, but it's better when it's not yours _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:11 am    Post subject: OKay then, poll is up. Vote away lads n' lasses. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:05 am    Post subject: Went for going to find the Virus mummy's daughter. Then we can have a little side adventure in the Jungle! :biggrin: *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:19 am    Post subject: Distract the mother, and nab him and the rock some way. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:11 pm    Post subject: Ahh, just rip her foot off - it's not like she needs it anyways. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:34 am    Post subject: 'Her'... hee hee! _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 6:28 am    Post subject: Shush - he hasn't noticed yet. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 8:50 pm    Post subject: Okay then, they are going for a quick grab! Writing now... _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 10:06 pm    Post subject: Episode 6 - Escargo. Episode 6 – Escargo. Mummy virus was happy again. She had found her long lost daughter. Okay, little Virumbla was terribly sick and off-color, but lashings of Slug Soup and a good rest would soon see her back to a healthy green. She hummed to herself as she started to grind another slug into paste in her mixing bowl, but was interupted by a sound from outside. Her little Virumbla? Better go and see! She moved out and then stopped short. Surely not! It couldn’t be! There, not a little way away in all her green glory was her very own Virumbla! “Oh mummy mummy! Come quick!” her lovely daughter squeaked. In her joy Mummy didn’t stop to question why Virumbla was speaking in a stupid high pitched voice. The only thing she could think of was that her darling daughter was back. She would deal with the imposter later. For now she moved forward after her little girl who moved away. “Wait for mummy!” she cried, and followed as quickly as she could… > Lordy watched as RLZ ran off into the bush, followed by the giant virus. “Okay, that leaf disguise seems to be working! Let’s rescue Crymzon and get the heaven* out of here!” He pushed back a low branch and headed down the slope. The branch swung back and slapped Key in the face, causing him to trip and roll after Lordy. “Aaahhh!” cried Key as he snowballed down the hill. Lordy looked behind him and screamed a girlish scream as Key loomed large, gathering speed like an opening scene from Indiana Jones. Lordy panicked and ran forward towards Crymzon, who had just noticed him. “Oh at last! Come on! Get this damn chain off me before…Hey where are you going? Ohmygod!” Lordy had leapt past ,exposing Crymzon to the giant yellow avalanche that was the Mayor. There was a loud crash followed by a small landslide and then silence. Dean, with Tiny Stoat on his good shoulder stumbled down the hill and peered into the dust. “Hello? Are you okay?” The air began to clear and Key and Crymzon, half buried in rocks, could be seen groaning. “Uuuuuhh!” said Crymzon. “I think I prefered the virus!” Lordy stuck his head out of the cave. “Come on! We don’t have much time. Let’s get Crym out of here.” They dug frantically at the rocks, first rescuing Key, who had thrown up all over his front, but was otherwise unhurt. As they removed the final ones a crashing sound could be heard through the undergrowth. “Hurry!” said Stoat, “I think the virus is coming back!” They cleared the last of the rocks and Dean hauled the sniffling Crymzon to his feet, whilst Lordy and Key lifted the boulder the chain was attatched to and they all staggered up the hill. Not a moment too soon. The mummy virus was back, and she was not happy. “RLZ must have given her the slip.” Whispered Stoat as the others panted and puffed with the rock. “Stupid boy” gasped Lordy, the rock was heavy, “can’t follow a straightforward plan.” “What’s it doing now?” asked Key. Stoat peered through the bushes. “It is walking up and down, shouting to itself. Uh oh.” “Uh oh?” said Crymzon, his hair waving wildly. “What is uh oh? That doesn’t sound good.” “I think she has seen us. Oops, yes. Here she comes. RUN!” The group ran, staggering with the rock held between them, crashing through the brush like a malformed drunken giant spider. “There you are! I see you! Oh you will be sorry oh yes! Mummy is VERY angry.” The Giant virus plunged after them. “This way!” cried Dean. “No this way!” shouted Lordy. “Straight on!” yelled Stoat, and they all plunged on. “Careful!” “Ow! That was my foot!” “Here! Watch it.” Somehow managing to keep moving the group circled a patch of ground before Crymzon tripped up, causing Key to stumble and drop the rock, which landed a centimeter away from Cyrmzons’ head. The Mummy Virus saw them, screamed the scream of an enraged Head Cold**, and plunged towards them. There was a snap and a swooshing sound. Key smiled and slapped Lordy on the back, propelling him into a nearby tree. “Great job, great job!” “Someone tell the Cake stealing Mayor that it was my idea” said Tiny Stoat. “I can squash you like a bug you know!” Key growled. “Just try it Cako! I will bite your nose off!” “Where’s RLZ?” asked Dean. “Oh, I am sure he will turn up soon. Let’s get out of here.” They wandered off, arguing about cream cakes and complaing about how heavy the rock was. Behind them an enraged virus swung under the trees. If you looked closely you could see where the rope on the head-hunter’s net had been chewed through once, then tied back together again in a hasty repair job. Still, it was holding. For now. *Lordy is a demon. This is swearing to him. **A sound never before heard. >> “So viewers, as you can see, despite the heavy betting at Lordbrokes that Crymzon would be eaten, Team A have somehow managed to pull it off. They are even now heading for the start of their next challenge. Now, after a short comercial break, we will be back to check on Team B. Don’t touch that dial! >> “What does a Slug eater look like anway?” asked Muaddib. “Beat’s me” said Smee, who was carrying some long metal part that had been left over* when they had reassembled CyborgNinja. “What usually eats slugs anyway?” He paused a moment as a strange feeling came over him when he mentioned the word ‘slug’. “A bird? Hedgehog? Some sort of giant aubergene?” suggested IM. “An aubergene isn’t an animal, it’s an eggplant.” Muaddib said. “Don’t be silly, eggs don’t grow on trees” IM poked a stick at Muaddib. “Now now you two, play nicely” said Jnmrcs. “We must all work together to rescue Sorrow.” “Stupid Sorrow” mutted IM, “why do I have to go to the slug eaters. I wanted to rescue Crymzon.” He sulked as the party tramped on through the trees. Cyborgninja bleeped and steam hissed from his valves. He had a feeling some important part of his machinery was missing, but he couldn’t think what. Behind them, on a small sedan chair carried by 4 puffing Muggableagooba pigmies, Chinaren sipped an iced drink and smiled to himself. >> Welcome back! This is Emerald Eyul now with Team B. As you can see they are approaching a swampy area, alive with slugs. This is called, quite appropriately, Slug Swamp. Just behind those trees our daring adventurers are about to face their first trial. The Giant Slug-eaters of lower Muggableagooba valley! >> “Shhh! Over there!” said Jnmrcs. “I can’t hear anything!” said IM, sticking his head up from behind the bush. Smee pulled him back down. “No I heard it too. It sounded like Sorrow crying. Come on, let’s take a look.” They inched forward through the mud. “Look what this slime is doing to my robes! I just had them ironed the other day!” complained IM. “Well, you should have worn jumpsuits like the rest of us!” retorted Muaddib. “We are all comrades together here!” IMs retort was cut short by Jnmrcs’s gasp. “Look! There they are! The Slug Eaters!” “Oh dear oh dear” said Smee. “What are they?” *This always happens. >>>>>> Okay you lot, I am running low in Idearium today, so I need help. What are the Giant Slug-eaters of lower Muggableagooba valley? Answers below please! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 11:19 pm    Post subject: *giggles* I see tiny stoat has a healthy relationship going with the Mayor then. My favourite's got to be RLZ though. He's so CUTE! Now - what are the giant slug eaters? They're giants, I think. Great big giants who have regular eating competitions around here, to see how many slugs they can wolf down - the temporary leader of the tribe being the one who can eat most slugs without throwing up or becoming too obese to get back to their own lands Of course, that's not to say that they wouldn't enjoy a change of diet. Stoat soup, for example - or stuffed Mayor... or ready-trussed Crymzon Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 12:48 am    Post subject: *innane grin* Heh, good chapter Chinaren! :biggrin: As for giant-slug eaters, I think that it should be an outcast tribe of dangerously overweight Muggableagooba's that are addicted to eating GIANT slugs. All they can do is mope around while enslaved <insert person/race/thing here> go about catching, cooking and serving the giant slugs, which, let me tell you, is no easy task. *holds breath* © _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 3:40 am    Post subject: Nice chapter. They could be a tribe (or part of the Muga... thing). I don't think that they have to be giant neither fat. They should be dangerous because someone who can hunt and eat a giant slug should be very dangerous. But also disgusting (whatever it should be spelled...) people. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:29 am    Post subject: Yayy! A mayoral barf. Excellent. The giant slug-eaters are obviously very diminutive (smaller even than the tiny Stoat) and ridiculously cute and fluffy. Their wee little voices sound like the cooing of doves, and they stick together in large groups through static. They attach to their great, slimy prey as a huge fuzzy group, where they subsequently enter through every available sluggy orifice, and then devour the victim from the inside out. Of course, slugs are favored on the menu, but that doesn’t rule out the consumption of other beasts with handy orifices. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:58 am    Post subject: ................. I ................ um................. * * Sometimes you scare me Fauna. _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:59 am    Post subject: I aim to please. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Phang Elder Joined: 19 Sep 2004 Posts: 2160 Location: Phang's House of Mints Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 8:44 am    Post subject: It's a tribe of salt. Groups of salt grains gather under a single controlling conscious, and go out with the aim of dissolving as many slugs as possible for the conscious to digest. The conscious being a highly intelligent chocolate muffin, of course. _________________ Stuff here Da Huuuuub Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 1:57 pm    Post subject: Maybe they don't eat slugs at all, but actually are giant slugs who eat everything else. It was merely a mistranslation on Chinaren Inc. behalf _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 2:00 pm    Post subject: Not a bad idea... Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 3:19 pm    Post subject: Darn you Lordy! I was about to suggest giant man eating slugs! Ahem. But in lieu of that... How about we have giant slugs that abduct Smee as one of their own? For some bizzare reason or other. _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 3:22 pm    Post subject: Is Smee gonna end up pregnant again? _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 6:36 am    Post subject: Some good ideas here you lot! I like the giant slug idea, and mini-Muggablo...whatever one too. They are all good! I will wait a little while more and then put up a poll. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 3:41 am    Post subject: Alright. Poll is up. What will our intrepid team face? Who has Sorrow? Vote away, and let us see who we face. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 4:10 am    Post subject: Went for fatties! :biggrin: _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:38 am    Post subject: Was tempted by the salt tribe, but finally went with the fuzzies. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 5:51 pm    Post subject: Flauna's option seems to be the popular one! I will be writing this soon, along with half a dozen others it seems. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:15 am    Post subject: Right, I have started the next chapter, although it only consists of some notes* so far. What I need is some ideas on how to get past all these little critters of Faunas. Any ideas? They are no doubt strewn around the scenery in great sticky uclumps. *However, I do know it will involve some unpleasantness for Sorrow. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 4:33 pm    Post subject: I'll be thinking on this Hmmm...how to get past fluffy critters what wanna et ya... _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 7:12 pm    Post subject: Shady Stoat wrote: My favourite's got to be RLZ though. He's so CUTE! *Strikes a heroic pose* RLZ's caught up to the story! RLZ thinks RLZ is very cute too! Quote: Have RLZ do a Tarzan yell...that should attract a few elephantal spirits. RLZ forgets who said this, but RLZ lovesded the idea! (Too bad that chapter is over...) Chinaren wrote: Emerald shrugged, causing her upper parts to jiggle distractingly. Possibly the best part of the story... Nah, but it was really funny, I'm glad that while I was away you kept me included in the story Chinaren. I mean... RLZ means, RLZ is glad you kept RLZ in tEh story! *strikes a pose* Edit: Oh yes, how could RLZ forgets? *strikes a pose with his 'Once a man. Now a Her' leather jacket on* RLZ votes for tEh fluffy inside outer eater things! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 11:22 pm    Post subject: Welcome back RLZ, glad you haven't dissapeared! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 11:38 pm    Post subject: Episode 7 part 1 - Sorrowful. Episode 7 part 1 - Sorrowful. “What are what? I can’t see anything. Just a load of pink flower things” said IM. “Indeed. I can’t see why he is just sitting there and crying” said Muaddib. “He doesn’t seem to be tied up or restrained in any way.” “No, look. Those ‘flower things’ are moving. Very slowly maybe, but moving.” Smee pointed. They all squinted. “Mmm. So they are the slug eaters?” said Muaddib. He turned to Cyborgninja. “Hey, robot thing! Do you have anything about these creatures in your data banks?” “++Loading, please wait++” bleeped CN. They waited. “How long does it take?” said IM five minutes later. “I could have run back to IF and borrowed a book on them by now…” “++Search complete++” interrupted the robot. “++No information found++” They all groaned. “Great!” said IM. “Look, why don’t we just storm over there and carry bloody Sorrow out of there? My gown is soaking!” “Do you really think that he,” Smee jerked a thumb in the direction of Chinaren, who was sitting on a chair sipping White Russians on a small pavilion he had managed to erect somehow, “would arrange this if it were safe? I think not.” IM sagged back. “You have a point.” Jnmrcs searched around on the ground for a moment, finally locating a large stone. Judging the distance carefully he hefted it into the sky. The group watched it arc overhead and then landed with a splash next to a group of the flower things. Immediately all the flower things in the area converged on the stone, encompassing it in a mass of pink. They swarmed around it for a minute, then obviously decided it wasn’t something they were interested in and dropped away. Soon the scene was as serene as before. “Interesting” said Smee. “Still want to take a stroll over there?” he asked IM, who shook his head. “I wonder if they can hear us?” said Muaddib. He raised his voice and shouted. “Hey Sorrow! Are you…mmmfff” The rest of the sentence was muffled as Smee, Jnmrcs and IM leapt on him. “Are you mad? What are you doing?” hissed Jnmrcs. “Mmff. Mfff. …t go of me! I was just seeing if they could hear us!” “Hello? Is anyone there?” Sorrow’s voice sailed over the swamp. “I guess they can’t” said Muaddib, looking vindicated. “Lucky” said IM. They looked over at Sorrow. “What are you doing there Sorrow?” shouted IM. “I am sunbathing! What the ^&*($ does it look like I am bloody doing? I am surrounded by these freaking purple things. If I take one step off this rock I will be fertilizer. Have you seen what they do?” He pointed off to the right. The others looked. Partially hidden behind some reeds was a Giant Slug. They weren’t sure what a Giant Slug should really look like, apart from the obvious of course, but this one seemed to be ill. It oozed very slowly forward. Smee felt an unexplained sympathy for the creature. “Look!” said Jnmrcs. The slug staggered, if that word could be used on a slug, to one side. A split suddenly appeared on its back and it let out a mournful wail that echoed around the jungle. Another split, then another, and from within the unfortunate creature masses of minute pink flower things spilled forth. The slug let out one last cry and then crumpled like an empty bag. “Ug!” said Muaddib, making a face. “Not nice. Though possible useful commercial applications,” said IM, looking thoughtful. “This doesn’t get us anywhere” complained Smee, who was beginning to get cold, and suspected some sort of swamp creature had bitten him in a tender spot. “What can we do?” They scratched their heads and looked around. Behind them Chinaren sipped on a chilled drink and lay back reading a book. IM shook his head. “What we need, is a plan…” >>>>>> Okay, this chapter has been delayed because I seem to have run out of Idearium. So I thought I would do a ‘Part one’ and solicit ideas from you lot, ‘cos that is what you are good at. How can they get Sorrow out of his pickle? Ideas please, and I will write a, hopefully more interesting part two! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 11:56 pm    Post subject: Well, barring the use of magic - which is something they seem to have a lot of regardless. The IFian communist - McDibsky himself - could do down and teach them about socialism, teach them the ways of hte great Marx and Lenin, and lead them in a revolution. Enlight them poor proletariat about their evil tyrant masters, and throw off the yoke and chain of capitalsim. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:36 am    Post subject: Heh, it doesn't look too good for Sorrow. Good chapter Chinaman (though will I ever be making an appearence? ) Well, how small and fluffy are these things? Is there anyone with lot's and lot's of puff who could just blow them away? That'd be funneh... OR.... the Soily One could tunnel in from under and they could all fall away down a lovely hole! Just an idea, you know... *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:42 am    Post subject: Seems they aren't beyond a quick rush on Chinaren...nab him from his little perch and toss him out there to distract the pinkies. No? We're back to tarzan yells...dammit we're in the jungle and I wanna hear a tarzan yell... Have Smee find his inner sluggy and call the noble beasts to them. While the pinkies are chasing down the giant slugs Sorrow will be unguarded. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:45 am    Post subject: Quote: Seems they aren't beyond a quick rush on Chinaren...nab him from his little perch and toss him out there to distract the pinkies. No? I was waiting for someone to mention that. But really, do you think I am that stupid? Best not answer that. Nice slug distraction idea Fauna, you have a rare and slimy gift. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:09 am    Post subject: I can say two fast ideas that came tome. 1. Leave Sorrow (not as good as it sounds ) 2. USe chinaren as a distraction (this one could be great ) Or (the ideas slower) try to pass sorrow by air (with rope, tree, a piece of wood or magic. Whatever you have) Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 10:50 am    Post subject: We could nick Chinaren's chair and pavilion and build some sort of raft to get to Sorrow. I wouldn't trust it though. An alternative is to try and find the giant slug lair and capture them. THen we throw giant slugs at the flowers until they're bloated and unhungry. At that point, Sorrow could make a run for it before they got peckish again. Plenty of other suggestions that might work better though. Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:53 am    Post subject: jnmrcs wrote: 2. USe chinaren as a distraction (this one could be great ) I think this is the best idea. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:31 pm    Post subject: rlz wrote: jnmrcs wrote: 2. USe chinaren as a distraction (this one could be great ) I think this is the best idea. And the funiest... I hope :biggrin: Back to top Author Mother Goose Respected Citizen Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 511 Location: Connecticut Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:10 pm    Post subject: Rescue by air sounds possible, like Tarzan on a jungle vine. Maybe Tiny stoat could deliver the vine, as she wouldn't add too much weight to the return trip. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 3:52 am    Post subject: Or we could just leave Sorrow? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Sorrow_A Guest Items Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 3:57 am    Post subject: Nooo! Don't leeeeave me! I don't want to be aloooone! Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:04 am    Post subject: I actually like Mother Goose's suggestion. Apart from the rather obvious fact that it leaves tiny stoat at the whim of the evil author chinaren again Then again, what can possibly go wrong? *beams innocently* Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:32 am    Post subject: And the fact that Stoat is with the other group, unless of course I've misread it again. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:34 am    Post subject: Oh. Yeah. And that *grins at lordy* Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:56 am    Post subject: Yeah, we need to Starzan action! Vine-swinging ankle-biting action! Huzzah! :biggrin: _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author Mother Goose Respected Citizen Joined: 09 May 2004 Posts: 511 Location: Connecticut Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:16 am    Post subject: Had a feeling I was mixing up who was where! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 4:55 am    Post subject: Alrighty. Just put the poll up, which I thought I had done before for some reason. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:25 am    Post subject: Wne for the Giant Slugs, because Shady's not there and I'm sure Chinaren has thought of something to prevent his pavilian from being used. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:10 am    Post subject: Voted for chucking China in among the slugs. I'm sure he'll find a way to get out of it, and I think everyone will agree that he kinda deserves it. Alright, really deserves it. _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:49 pm    Post subject: Well, there may be a more dignified* way of attracting slugs. It's a 1-2-3 vote! *For me anyway. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:52 am    Post subject: hmmmm...missed this chapter - I'll be along in a moment with a vote Quote: Smee felt an unexplained sympathy for the creature. *Wanders off wearing his "Doomed to being a slug for all IFtime and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" * Happy Writing _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:08 am    Post subject: Episode 7 part 2 - Sorrowful. “Well, I say we make a raft and paddle over there” said Jnmrcs, “and I know just where to get one.” He turned about and splashed through the slimy mud towards Chinaren’s pavilion. Chinaren saw him, looked up from his book* and raised an orange eyebrow. “May I help you?” he said. “We want your pavilion” said Jnmrcs. “And we won’t be taking no for an answer.” “Oh, it’s not my pavilion” said Chinaren, “I am just renting it. It’s hers.” He gestured off to the right, to a large group of trees. Jnmrcs looked over to see a large reptilian head lift above them. “What do you want to do with my pavilion?” asked the dragon, a small trickle of flame escaping from her mouth, around 2 inch razor sharp fangs. “Er, er, ah…nothing. Nothing,” squeaked Jnrmcs. “Sorry Rai, didn’t see you there aha. Ahh, right yes. Have to go now. Enjoy.” He backed away with a fixed grin on his face, turned around, rolled his eyes and exhaled massively. Rai looked at him for a moment thoughtfully, before settling down again behind the trees. “Okay then. Raft is out” said Muaddib. “Anyone else have any bright idea?” “It’s about time we used some magic,” Smee rolled up the arms of his jumpsuit in a business like way. “What are we here? Bloody commoners? No offence Cyborgninja.” “++Bleep++” “Right then, IM, a hand please?” >> “Emerald Eyul here viewers, just reminding you that the first vote for who to horribly eliminate will be coming up after this round, so get ready to dial Chinaren’s hot hot hotline number and submit your vote when the time comes.” “Now then, back to the action of Team B, or is it Team A? Ah well, you know what I mean…” >> Smee and IM splashed out to a clear area, which was unfortunately also knee deep in water. A technical magic discussion followed. After the other three had pulled them apart, and Smee and IM had wrung out their clothes, Smee turned back to IM. “Okay okay. A summoning it is then, but a fireball has always been good enough for me.” IM turned to the others. “Better stand back, we are about to unleash magical forces beyond the ken of common folk.” “Come on, better get clear, don’t want to be caught in the blast when he casts a spell wrong again,” said Muaddib. “Took me months to get rid of the fish smell last time.” He turned and trudged back to higher ground. “The spell was faulty!” shouted IM to his back. “Hmff.” “Concentrate now,” said Smee, and started to incant before IM could object. “The dance! The dance of Summoning!” he gasped, between magical words. “Bah! I still don’t see why you always insist on this” muttered IM, but started to gyrate wildly, thrusting his pelvis forward in a fine imitation of Michael Jackson before he turned white. Smee gesticulated wildly, and a green haze began to form around the puddle. Muaddib, Jnmrcs and the cyborg backed away. “More power! More power!” Shouted Smee desperately. “I’m giving it all she’s got! Anymore an’ she’ll blow!” gasped IM, doing the Time-warp. “Damn it man! Call yourself a wizard!?! Put your back into it!!” Smee shouted from an ever growing circle of magical energy. “I canna take it!! It’s overloading!” yelled IM back, resorting to the Lambada, double time. “###############**” shouted Smee and thrust his hands skwards. There was a sudden silence. IM fell backwards into the mud, exhausted. “Did it work?” asked Muaddib, from behind a bush. “I can’t see anything” said Jnmrcs, from behind Muaddib. Smee looked around and then squinted off to one side. He walked hesitantly into some bushes in the opposite direction. Silence. A low, well, rumble wouldn’t be the word for it really. Slimble? Tough one. There was a shout, it sounded like a scream getting slowly louder, which it was. Smee burst back through the bushes and managed to yell something about ‘…coming!” before he tripped and landed face first in the muddy puddle. IM yelled and broke the world record for climbing a spiky tree. Through the brush came a stampede the likes of which has never been seen before, or since. Giant slugs. Green, brown, gray, all the colors of the swamp, which wasn’t many actually, but then slugs aren’t renowned for their bright sparkly hues. Sliming at speed they slid through the puddle and straight towards the Little Pink Things, which quivered and then moved towards the feast. Carnage ensued as the slugs milled around whilst the pink creatures swarmed all over them, causing them to buck and rear, and emit high pitched cries of pain. Muadibb and Jnrmcs watched in horrified fascination. Cyborgninja beeped. “Quick! Cyborg!” said Jnmrcs, “Get over there and grab Sorrow!” “++Bleep++ Command accepted+” it said, and trundled forward through the mass of slugs, now covered with the pink things. “You know,” said Muaddig conversationally to Jnmrcs, “we could have probably just asked him to go in the first place, the pink things wouldn’t be able to eat him.” “Mmm” said Jnmrcs thoughtfully, putting a finger to his lips and watching as Smee burst up out of the puddle, covered in mud and slime. “Good point. Still, probably best not to mention that to them.” He pointed to Smee and IM, who chose that moment to fall noisily out of the tree. >> “This is Emerald Eyul again viewers! The second team has, despite all predictions to the contrary, overcome the Giant Slug Eaters and are now heading towards camp 1. What they don’t know is that the time to vote is upon us! Who would you like to see eliminated from the contestants? Who do you feel should be disposed of in a horrible way? Please enter your suggestions…NOW” *Murder by Magic, a great read. **Magical words of Power, censored for safety reasons. Magic is not a toy kids, don’t try this at home. >>>>>> Another short chapter there folks, just to wind this round up. Now. The time to Choose has come. Competitors, you may make a “plea” in this thread, whether to stay on the show or voted off, it’s up to you. And don’t forget to point accusing fingers and suggest why OTHER competitors should be chosen to be… eliminated! BTW, Chinaren isn’t a competitor, so sorry, no voting for me! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:28 am    Post subject: Hilarious chapter. And of course all the slugs were needed...the pinkies would have swarmed CB and crawled right up to Sorrow without that distraction. Erm, from which team do we choose someone to mangle? Or does it matter? _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:32 am    Post subject: Quote: Erm, from which team do we choose someone to mangle? Or does it matter? Sorry: The competitors you can vote for are: Tiny Stoat, Lordy, Dean, Key, RLZ, Crymzon, Muddy, Smee, Cyborgninja, Jnmrcs, IM, Sorrow. If those people wish to plead, beg or whatever, please do so! (In character if possible). _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:38 am    Post subject: Well, I for one want to see what the competitors have got to say for themselves before I nominate anyone. It stands to reason, of course, that the hamster... I mean mouse... I mean tiny stoat has to stay. She's far too useful - nibbling rope traps, running up trouser legs and generally getting into almost as many crevices as the pink wavy flower-creatures (Eurgh! I really wish I hadn't said that!). Anyway, moving swiftly on, she's far too invaluable to be voted off. Save our Stoats Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:11 am    Post subject: KILL LORDY! Nah, I agree with Stoat. I want to hear people's pleas before they die horribly. :biggrin: _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:21 am    Post subject: Well now, you have to keep me and Smee. After all, we just provided a wonderful distraction by summoning a whole lot of slugs! Plus you may get to see a few more magical mishaps in the near future. I loved the whole 'That spell was faulty!' line. Brilliant work, China, keep it up. Oh, and... ###############! _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:56 pm    Post subject: (In character huh? I'm afraid my keyboard doesn't have the correct sysmbols, so I'll have to do it in English) *Walks up to the camera, and unfurls his wings* "It is without a doubt that I am - bar none - the greatest daemon on this show. My power is absolute, and with the challenges increasing in difficulty, the teams will no doubt need my awesome abilities to survive. In my opinion, it is none other than Sorrow who should be departed, for no reason other than it is always Sorrow who is forced to leave first - it's a well known fact. Plus, if people vote for me I'll be able to see - due to the handy invention of the poll - and I know where you all live. Nobody want's an angry daemon turning up on your front door." _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:36 pm    Post subject: Nice chapter I liked it ! Even when I made... I mean, it was funny Ok, I now that... mmm. Ok, I didn't know about the dragon she was in camouflage. But it was a good idea. So we need to vote for people who doesn't have any idea or even worst the ones who get us in more problems. So far I'm helping so much... well at least some of the readers laughed Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:44 am    Post subject: Well our poor mayor has something horrible happen to him in every tale just about...everything from feeling sluggish to horrible death. Why should this one be any different? But just look at that smug demon, trying to threaten the viewing audience at home. Now there would be a spectacular mangling to behold, indeed. And that wee little ermine- reminds me so much of a cute little mousey wousey. I'm sure the show could arrange for a suitable slaying. Just pretend she's a Christian and throw her in an arena full of kitty cats. I might like to see that too. :mrgreen: Ahhh, decisions, decisions. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:35 pm    Post subject: "Plus - Sorrow had to be rescued. I ask you - rescued? We don't need anyone who needs to be rescued on this team." _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Ingrothechundyer Guest Items Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:09 pm    Post subject: Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:20 pm    Post subject: I'm leaning towards getting rid of Key, now that I think about it. No reason. Except: He Stole my cream-cakes!!!! As I said, no particular reason at all Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:44 pm    Post subject: Very hard people here Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 4:38 am    Post subject: Right, the poll won't let me put up all the names up* in one go, so I will do them in teams. Please vote for the elimination of a team A member! *Though it only tells you when you hit submit, and not when you are adding the options. Grrr. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 4:48 am    Post subject: I want to see the demise of the demon. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 5:17 am    Post subject: I seem to have escaped the blacklist. Go Me! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 5:55 am    Post subject: Muaddib wrote: I seem to have escaped the blacklist. Go Me! You are in team B Muaddib, better not celebrate just yet! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:02 am    Post subject: Sorry Key, I did Eenie Meenie Mineiee....you were Moe. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 2:52 pm    Post subject: Curse you Soily - voting for me. And I even gave a nice speech - no one else bothered. (You too Fauna.) _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Ingrothechundyer Guest Items Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 3:55 pm    Post subject: A three way tie again Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 4:01 pm    Post subject: *bites fingernails* _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 5:21 pm    Post subject: People don't seem to like you as King Key. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 8:58 pm    Post subject: Like I said-it was completely random. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 5:57 am    Post subject: Expulsion 1. Expulsion 1. “Welcome back viewers! This is Emerald Eyul here, reporting from the jungles of Muggableagooba. With me is team A, who think they are on the way to base camp 1 for some R&R. However, we know that you have voted one of them off the show, which means a horrible death awaits! Let’s zoom in and join the competitors now shall we?” “What did she say?” asked Dean. “Something about base camp I think” said Lordy, “I wasn’t really listening. I doubt it affects us.” “How far is this camp anyway?” puffed Key. “Feeling hungry are we?” asked Tiny Stoat, who didn’t easily forget the loss of cakes. “Has anyone else noticed the trees?” asked Dean. “RLZ notices all!” said RLZ. “What trees?” “They do look larger than your normal variety I will grant you” said Dean, craning his head back. “And is that a nest up there?” They all looked up. Silence reigned for a minute as they tried to come to terms with the giant construction in the branches high above. “It is certainly…big” said Lordy thoughtfully, glancing around. “Come to think of it, everything is looking larger than average” said Key. “Hmmf. Welcome to my world” Stoat said from Dean’s shoulder. “It’s awfully quiet as well, anyone else notice that?” Dean said. They all looked around. “Probably just the eye of the storm, nothing to worry about” said Key. “Someone tell cream boy that there is no storm!” huffed Stoat. “Oh yes midget? So what is that rumble of thunder then?” Key folded his arms in triumph. “That’s awfully odd thunder” said Lordy. “Very…regular.” “RLZ says…That isn’t thunder!” “The ground is shaking” Dean pointed out. “I am getting a bad feeling about all this.” Lordy started backing away. A shadow loomed over the group and they all looked up. “Ulp” said Stoat. “No one move!” said Key. “Everybody knows they don’t attack if you stay still. Guys? Guys?” Key looked about to see an absence of comrades, who were a little way off and still gaining speed. “Oh dear…” >>>>>> Right, just a short there. The question is, and I always look forward to your devious suggestions here, is what is about to eat* Key??? Answers on a postcard, or better yet, as a reply… *Or otherwise do away, in as horrible fashion as possible. <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 6:10 am    Post subject: I don't suppose I could be horribly ironic here and suggest a giant winged cream-cake? Ooooh, I could? Thanks! Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 6:49 am    Post subject: Is a one eyed, one horned flying orange King Key eater too outlandish? I'm thinking perhaps a delivery truck from Laurens Patisseries Limited has somehow taken flight and dumps its load on top of Key's head. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:32 am    Post subject: An alien, like predator. "I want Key as a trophy". Or maybe something more cute... a giant and fluffy cat, who just wanted to play with him. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 10:19 am    Post subject: How about a giantic chamber pot? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 11:22 am    Post subject: DEATH BY TEDDY BEARS! I'm sure you could work it in. Somehow. *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 3:35 pm    Post subject: I knew I could rely on you lot to come up with something twisted! I have had an idea which means I can fit just about anything you can come up with into the story, from giant Cream cakes to gigantic Teddy bears, so if anyone else has any ideas, fire away. I will put up a poll this evening (China time +8 GMT I think). _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 4:56 am    Post subject: Okay then. Polls up, a day late but what can you do? _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:27 am    Post subject: The creamcake is tempting, but despite the available randomness quota I can't justify the jungle knowing about Key's recent creamcake larceny. So....I voted for the Chamber Pot _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:31 am    Post subject: Smee wrote: The creamcake is tempting, but despite the available randomness quota I can't justify the jungle knowing about Key's recent creamcake larceny. So....I voted for the Chamber Pot LOL! There's a kind of logic hidden in there somewhere! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Lordy Citizen Joined: 18 Apr 2006 Posts: 116 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:44 am    Post subject: Plus it'll teach him that it's not nice be have excreation tipped over you. Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:04 am    Post subject: Voted chamberpot. It sort of balances itself out doesn't it? The chamber pot becomes a hero in GvEvM and a villain in this story. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:35 am    Post subject: I admit I had to go for the chamberpot as well. Sorry King! _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 12:02 pm    Post subject: Yes, I had to go for the chamberpot as well, seeing how I suggested it, and it's my own personal mark of revenge. And winning. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 1:13 pm    Post subject: I simply had to go with the cream-cake option. Irony is the most enjoyed form of humor. Hum...maybe they should change the name of the jungle from Muggableagooba to the jungle of increasing irony... _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:08 am    Post subject: Key Expunged. (Episode 8.5) Key Expunged. The thing loomed large, if there were any normal sized trees it would have stood as tall as them. As it was, it just stood much taller than Key, who backed away, mind racing, well limping and wheezing anyway. “Now then,” he said, holding his hands out in what he hoped was a placating fashion. “I am sure you wouldn’t want me to… I mean I went just a little while ago, behind a tree. I admit I was thinking of you at the time, but that was then…” The enormous chamber pot stepped forward, crushing a fallen log as it did so. It’s golden sheen glinting in the sunlight. “Wha..what a pretty chamber pot you are” said Key, taking another stance. “Or a handsome one, should you…” he turned and ran for it. The Chamber pot let out a deafening roar* and lurched after him, crashing through the undergrowth and slopping dubious colored liquid over the rim. “What’s he doing now?” whispered Stoat. “I think he is dodging around a giant tree, it isn’t really easy to tell” whispered back Dean from the bush they were hidden in. “RLZ Says we should assist our leader!” said RLZ, making as if to stand up. Lordy dragged him back into the bushes and sat on him. “Now, why would we want to go and attract the attentions of a giant homicidal Chamber Pot? That would be simply foolish. Hush now, and let Key lead it away, as is no doubt his plan.” “RLZ mmfff mffff” said RLZ, waving his arms around from underneath Lordy. Stoat rubbed her hands together gleefully. “This is justice. No one eats my cakes and gets away with it! It would have been more ironic if it had been a giant Cream Cake, but I will settle for this.” “You have a nasty streak, you know that Stoat” said Dean. “I do not. Now be quiet, or I will bit your nose off. What is happening now?” “Well, I will tell you as long as you leave my nose alone.” Dean sighed and peered out again. “Amazing. Key is taking his jumpsuit off.” “Urg!” said Lordy. “Some things aren’t meant to be seen by sensitive eyes. Disemboweling screaming victims is one thing, seeing Key in his glory is quite another.” There was a scream as Key stepped on something sharp, then a large round and above all, naked, figure ran past them, breathing heavily. Dean looked pale, which considering he was half shadow was no mean feat. Crunching behind Key came the pot, growling a low growl. “How did this thing get here?” asked Stoat. “It seems a bit odd.” “Strange though,” answered Lordy, peering after the pot. “Key was mentioning he could use something like this earlier.” “It’s as if the jungle caught his thought and gave him his wish, in a large and twisted way of course.” Said Dean. There was a moment of silence, only broken by Key shouting some obscenity at the pot, as the others recounted anything they may have thought about recently. It may pay to be careful if thoughts were going to pop up in expanded form and a bad mood. Key, momentarily having evaded the pot, had draped his jumpsuit over a bush. “Mmm, our Mayor** is not as stupid as some would make out” Dean murmured. “He is trying to lure the pot over that cliff.” They all craned their necks to watch as Key, mercifully, hid behind a tree and cooed out. “Hey, Crap Pot, over here.” The Chamber Pot turned and crashed through the brush, running towards the jumpsuit. Too late it saw the trap. It stumbled and tripped in an effort to avoid the cliff. To no avail. The cliff gave way and Pot, bush and Jumpsuit disappeared over the edge. There was a moment of silence and then an enormous ‘clang’. Silence. The group squinted as Key slowly emerged and peered over the edge. He did a little naked dance of glee, which rated fairly high on Stoats ‘things I never wished to see’ list. Key turned as they approached the scene of his triumph. “Ha! Leave me alone would you! Well, see how Key deals with things!” He crossed his arms. “I am seeing far too much just now” said Stoat, pointedly looking upwards. “Hmmf. Maybe I can locate my jumpsuit” Key said. He turned around and bent over as he peered down the cliff face. Dean was sick. “Er,” said Lordy. “Key I would stand back if I were you.” “I am not scared of heights” Key said. “Well, it’s not that…” Lordy started. The cliff edge, already abused cracked under the extra strain of Key’s weight. There was a brief moment of silence, with Key’s ‘Oh oh” plainly heard by all, before the lip gave way in a low rumble of rock, taking Key with it. There was a pause as the others looked at each other. Eventually Lord sighed. “Okay, I will go and look.” He made his way carefully to the new edge and looked over. “Oooh, that’s nasty.” The rest went up and looked down. There, protruding from a large pile of rocks which were mixed with the effluence spilled from the Chamber Pot, was a fat leg. “It’s the way he would have wanted to go” said RLZ. “Buried in rocks and mixed with giant crap you mean?” asked Stoat. “Not my idea of a great exit.” “RLZ means he went after defeating a vile summoning, a hero” said RLZ. They wandered off. “Well, I plan to go out in an Orgy of Cream Cakes surrounded by hunky pencil..er, hunks” mused Stoat. “I plan on living forever” said Lordy. “I never subscribed to this whole death thing.” The voices faded as they wandered through the giant trees… “This is Emeral Eyul folks. There you have it. The first contestant has been eliminated. Now our attention turns to Team B. Who will be the one to go from that group? Prepare your control wands, the poll will be available after these messages…” *Okay, not so much of a roar as a ‘slosh’. But a deafening one. **The Gang here have been out of touch with IF, and hence don’t know of the recent elections. <<<<<< The King is dead, Long live the King! Right, the next poll will be up shortly. Don’t touch that control wand! >>>>>> _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:19 am    Post subject: *wipes grin off face quickly* That was really cruel, Chinaren. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. What's the poor King ever done to you? *feigns innocence in the voting stakes* Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:22 am    Post subject: Excellent exit of our King. *mourns* _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:29 am    Post subject: Right, time to vote for who will get the chop from team B. Press the 'Water' Rune on your control wand.... Now! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:34 am    Post subject: Any last-minute appeals from Team B? *waits to see the begging* Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:37 am    Post subject: Poor Key. Splattered and showerd (with effluence). Evil China *secretly pats orange monster on the back* A crying shame... Noticed one thing: Quote: I will bit your nose off This should be bite I think. *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:20 am    Post subject: That is how the King leave us. Being our hero... or something like that Nice chapter ! Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:42 am    Post subject: Good killing Chinny *looks at everyone staring at him with dangerous glints in the eyes.* Erm... Don't kill me... please _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 8:42 am    Post subject: Oh yeah put my name first on your hitlist. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 9:43 am    Post subject: DIE DIE DIE! MUWAHAHAHAH! *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:25 am    Post subject: I'm going to wait and see who pleads well. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:27 am    Post subject: I want to hear some begging for mercy, in Spanish. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 1:16 pm    Post subject: I simply must vote for the only option that makes any logical sense. I'll leave you all to figure out what it is... Muwahaha... _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:27 pm    Post subject: I'm guessing Sorrow - fair play to you. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 3:28 pm    Post subject: ethereal_fauna wrote: I want to hear some begging for mercy, in Spanish. ¿Estás hablando de mi? No creo que sea necesario.... Just in case Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:40 pm    Post subject: Damn! I just realised I missed a trick here. I should have opened a bidding thread for this! I need more Fables to counter Smee's cruel price rises. Must be getting old, ah well. I will just sit back and watch the cruelty. Sometimes that is its own reward. Smee wrote: *looks at everyone staring at him with dangerous glints in the eyes.* Erm... Don't kill me... please LOL! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:49 pm    Post subject: jnmrcs wrote: ¿Estás hablando de mi? No creo que sea necesario.... Just in case Hablo de usted. Creo que es necesario. Usted aboga por. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:16 pm    Post subject: _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:08 pm    Post subject: Im rooting for Smee! Go Smee! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 5:05 pm    Post subject: Hey you two! This isn't the Spanish thread here! Write it in English, or possibly Chinese, but something I can understand please! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 5:25 pm    Post subject: If I do it I will incriminate me... so Sorry Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 8:26 pm    Post subject: Well, it's between Muaddib, Smee and IM at the moment. Anyone care to break the tie? _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 1:34 am    Post subject: Ooh missed this poll - good timing it seems too. Shame on the two that already voted for me - I appealed and everything _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:29 pm    Post subject: Looks like IM is winning! I will be thinking about the next chapter soon, depending upon the next one of Greed, which I should also get started. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 8:07 am    Post subject: I think I voted for IM, but I can't remember now. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 1:50 pm    Post subject: But what you have to ask yourself is... Am I really winning, when all is said and done? And who says I won't just vaporize the challenge that eliminates me? *Bzzt-zow* Lightning works wonders. _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 4:27 pm    Post subject: Idea master wrote: But what you have to ask yourself is... Am I really winning, when all is said and done? And who says I won't just vaporize the challenge that eliminates me? *Bzzt-zow* Lightning works wonders. Well...Key fell off a cliff. I am sure I* can think of something! *By which I mean you, the readers. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 4:55 pm    Post subject: *Points at shiny title* Magus Extrodinare! That title is reserved for they that have mastered many spells that could get them out of almost any tight spot!* ... Or at least take a certian orange-furred capitalist with them. *And paid 2500 fatbacks to Smee _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 5:23 am    Post subject: IM a Wizard! IM a Wizard! (Episode 9.0) There is a part of the Muggableagooba jungles that the locals* avoid. They call it, Argo Bagger Nogothar. Which, translated means, ‘the Place that Listens’. What this delightful name fails to mention is that the place not only listens, but listens to your thoughts, If that wasn’t exciting enough for you, these thoughts are often turned into reality, Although usually not in the way the thinker expects. Why, you may question, does it do this? I am glad you asked. A distinguished delegation from The University of Strange Magic in the city of IS studied the phenomenon for two months. The sole survivor returned home clutching a paper which was pried from his hands before they carted him off to a room with bouncy walls. The paper postulated that exceptionally high levels of magic in the area had given it a kind of ‘hive consciousness’, consisting of the plants mainly, but also some of the animals. The Mind had developed this rather strange method of killing foolish visitors to nourish the soil. The method was exceptionally successful for a long time, and the extra nutrients, along with the background magic caused the tress and other life to grow to amazing sizes. > “Here’s an interesting fact,” said Muaddib who was studying a printout that Cyborgninja had expelled from a slot behind his ear. “What’s that?” asked Smee, “come on Sorrow, keep up!” Sorrow, who was walking with a strange gait, grumbled to himself. “I still don’t think it was needed, I didn’t get anywhere near the Slug Eaters.” “We couldn’t risk it” said IM, smirking. “If just one of those little pink things got inside you…” He let the sentence trail off shaking his head. “But they wouldn’t have climbed up there!” wailed Sorrow, “I would have noticed, I assure you.” “Oh hush,” Jnmrcs said. “If IM said you needed an enema, who are we to argue? He is the wizard.” “Ahem” coughed Smee, dried mud flaking off his jumpsuit as he walked. “There is more than one mage here you know.” “Does anyone want to know what this says or not?” asked Muaddib. “++Bleep++” responded Cyborgninja. “You printed it out, you already know, but thanks for the support anyway brother robot.” “+Bleep bleep++” “Sorry. Brother Cyborg.” “Go on then,” sighed Smee stepping over a rather strange looking lizard. “What does it say?” “It says this region is called ‘Argo Bagger Nogothar’” said Muaddib with dignity. “Amazing” said IM dryly. “Which” Muaddib glared at him, “means The Place that mmmmff” “The place that what?” asked Jnmrcs. “Has anyone noticed how large the trees are here by the way?” “Yes yes, fascinating” said Muaddib. “Well, are you going to tell us the meaning or not?” Smee asked. “Ah, well not really. I sort of dropped the paper in the mud and smudged the last word.” “Here” said IM, squelching over to Muaddib. “Give that here, I will look at it.” “I haven’t finished with it yet! Wait your turn!” Muaddib held the paper away from IM. “Give it here!” “Will not!” “I will blast you! The Title isn’t Magus Extraordinaire for nothing you know!” “Just try it shorty! I will drown you in the nearest puddle.” “Hush you two!” said Smee, stopping. “Do you hear that?” The others stopped, IM and Muaddib still holding onto the paper. “Over there” said Jnmrcs, gesturing. They crept slowly over and peered around one of the enormous trees. A figure dressed in green was speaking into a Camera Orb. “..the results are finally in and the next person to be eliminated will be Idea Master! Thank-you for your votes everyone, and please keep watching!” Everyone looked at Idea Master, who found himself in an ever widening circle of no one else. “What? So that’s it eh? After all I have done for you, the first slight sign of trouble and you desert me!” He looked about nervously. “Well, bring it on then! I can handle it!” He raised his hands in spell casting position. “And who says I won't just vaporize the challenge that eliminates me? Tries to eliminate me,” he corrected. Bzzt-zow He gestured and a bolt of lightning slammed into a nearby tree. “Lightning works wonders. Remember who you are dealing with here! Magus Extraordinaire! That title is reserved for they that have mastered many spells that could get them out of almost any tight spot! Oh yes!” The others, now at a good distance from IM looked around. “Do you hear that?” said Smee, causing IM to jump around wildly. “What?” said Jnmrcs. “That!” said Smee. *The local pygmies that are considered civilized that is, which means to say those tribes that eat most of their food cooked, and allow their sacrifices to say goodbye before shrinking their heads. The less enlightened tribes and the various jungle wildlife all still flourish of course. >>>>>> Right, you did such a good job with Key, I thought I would let you decided the Fate for IM too! What’s it to be? What can withstand IM’s lightening bolts? Let’s hear it! *covers eyes* <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 6:00 am    Post subject: Hmm... so this place listens to your thoughts, yeah? Then it translates the thoughts into some sort of reality. At the moment, I think IM's thoughts are going to be full of fear, naturally enough. And what does any Magus Extraordinaire fear? Why, being found out, of course! I think his fears are going to manifest into hundreds of copies of The Junior Handbook of Spells for Dummies (that he secretly carries around with him, and brushes up on when no-one else is looking. ) Then, while he's on the defensive and trying to deny the existence of these books, they'll slowly herd him into the nearest patch of quicksand, where he'll go under while still trying to access the right page (entitled: "So You've Got Yourself Trapped in a Mud-Pit: What Happens Next?"). The only thing left will be bubbles, and the odd spark of a muddy lightning-bolt... Last edited by Shady Stoat on Tue May 16, 2006 6:37 am; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author ethereal_fauna Perpetually Distracted Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 2567 Location: USA Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 6:35 am    Post subject: Lovin' Stoat's suggestion. But the first thing that sprang to mind was IM's mother. The uber mage need only fear Momma whose stifling embrace into the bosoms of motherly love can suffocate. She'll come complete with washcloth to get behind his ear, and an album of baby pictures to spring upon the local flora and fauna. He'll die of embarrassment when she flips out the pic of his naked baby tushie and the huge trees start laughing. _________________ The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:57 am    Post subject: Both are good ideas. So good I have nothing right now. I hope I could find some ideas... Back to top Author Smee Revered IFian Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:13 am    Post subject: Hilarious setup Chinny, and awesome ideas from the Stoat and Fauns. The only idea that's coming to mind is some sort of pissed-off Thunder God, looking to see who has stolen some of his best bolts. Happy Writing _________________ The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd! Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 11:40 am    Post subject: Trust me, it's not mom I fear... It's mom in a baaad mood. She comes complete with rant mode and guilt trips to send even the most Extraordinare of Magi into his room weeping... Or, at least, the illusion of his room, which is actually a pit covered by leaves. For Smee's suggestion, I'd just suddenly switch places with me and him. And the books would be incinerated...Fire works well as well. _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 2:59 pm    Post subject: Magical books don't necessarily burn though. And Chinare, what is it with you and the strange walks? Have you got an unhealthy obsession with it now? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 4:31 pm    Post subject: lordofthenight wrote: Magical books don't necessarily burn though. And Chinare, what is it with you and the strange walks? Have you got an unhealthy obsession with it now? LOL! There have only been two. Maybe three. Mmm. You may have a point there... Great ideas people! A herd of books, IM Mother and The God of Lightning! Mwahahahaha! Anyway, I will leave it open a bit longer... _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 4:54 pm    Post subject: But which God of Lightning? I can think of four off the top of my head. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 5:24 pm    Post subject: The Bananalands god of lightning of course! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 5:30 pm    Post subject: Ah, but of course. You sure you don't want to use Donor? _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 6:17 am    Post subject: Just felt in the mood to add another chapter, and found I hadn't put a poll up! I really need to write these things down somewhere. Anyway, now it is up, so vote away... _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 6:19 pm    Post subject: I just had to be unique and go for the herd of beginners books, only to find that everyone else already had. Therefore I voted, and winning. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Argonaut Mercenary Artist Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 344 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:48 pm    Post subject: Very cool Chinaren. I'm just starting to discover all these stories with the citizens of IF as characters. I gotta post more so I can start insinuating myself into other peoples stories Anyway that herd of books ought to be pretty hilarious. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 9:21 pm    Post subject: Welcome to the story Argo! I am sure you will make an appearance in this one, or Tale of IF soon enough! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 5:49 pm    Post subject: Tome Be or Not Tome Be? (Episode 9.5) Tome Be or Not Tome Be? (Episode 9.5) “Yes, I can hear it too now” Jnmrcs. “A kind of raspberry wheezing sound.” Muaddib looked embarrassed. “Sorry, too many beans for dinner. Wooo.” He waved his hand about. “Arg! Muaddib! That is disgusting!” The others quickly found new trees to hide behind. “How you doing out there IM?” shouted Sorrow from behind a bush. “I am very happy not to be near you,” replied IM, who had moved into the middle of a small clearing that had one small tree in the middle of it. He was leaning against the tree with his arms crossed, patiently awaiting his doom. “I am pretty hungry,” Muaddib said to Smee. “Any chance of conjuring up some food?” “Ah. Yes, well I would you see, but I am better with fireballs really. Sorry.” “IM!” Muaddib shouted. “Can you conjure up some food whilst waiting to die?” “My own last meal you mean?” said IM sourly. “Come on IM! We are hungry, it will show you how much better you are than Smee.” Jnmrcs winked at Smee who frowned. “Oh, I suppose so,” IM grumbled. “Now, let’s see. Food spells. Mmm.” He waved a hand and a book labeled “Spell casting for Dummies” popped out of the air into his hands. The trees around them quivered, but no one noticed, intent on IM as they were. “Now then. What sort of food would you like?” IM turned a page and a slight breeze picked up. “Something spicy for me!” said Muaddib. “I think we have had enough of your emissions thank-you” said Smee. “Make it a big dish of mashed potato” he called to IM. “Mashed potato?” Muaddib looked shocked. “Mashed potato?” “Okay, mashed potato it is. Be with you in a minute.” IM traced some text on a page with his finger, mouthing words. Finally he closed the book with a slam. “Spuddus summonussss” he said, doing a little jig and waving his arms about. “Did you feel that?” asked Sorrow. “What? Hush! IM is ordering dinner,” Muaddib said. “I thought I felt something.” “++Bleep++” said Cyborgninja. “Be quiet you two, I am listening” said Smee. IM finished his spell. Nothing happened. “Typical, he messed it up!” said Smee, a grin of superiority on his face. “Something is coming” said Sorrow, looking round. “++Warning Danger Danger++” “Hey! Careful where you are waving those hands of yours!” Muaddib ducked. Smee had backed up against a large tree and was looking left and right. “IM, something is coming!” “What? What?” IM dropped the book and swiveled his head around, trying to look in all directions at once. A tremor ran through the trees and a cold wind blew. “Listen!” said Jnmrcs. “Not Muddy again surely?” Sorrow asked. “No, something else.” They listened. Sure enough, a low rustling sound could be heard. It seemed to be coming from all around them. “What is it?” shrieked IM, hands held high, ready for Lightning. The book at his feet trembled. “Book! Book! Book!” Sorrow squealed pointing wildly. On the other side of the clearing a book hopped into view. IM, tensed to a high pitch didn’t hesitate. A brief zapppp and the book was hit by a bolt of electricity, rendering it so much ash. “Ha! Take that!” he danced around wildly, giggling. “I don’t think it was alone” Smee said, trying to climb the tree and finding he couldn’t. Indeed, another book hopped into the clearing, followed by another and another. IM glared at them. More came into view and advanced slowly, walking on their covers and making rustling noises. The book at IM’s feet stirred, making him jump. He stamped on it. The other books stopped. “Oh oh. I don’t think you should have done that” said Jnmrcs, who was standing behind Muaddib. The books growled. “Come on then. What’ya got eh? I am ready for you!” IM made beckoning movements with his hands. The books attacked*, rushing forward in a group, more emerging behind them. IM giggled and threw a fireball, incinerating a broad swath through the leaders and crisping most of the others. “Take that!” he shouted. More books slid out of the undergrowth and joined the assault. IM cackled and hopped about, throwing fireballs of various colors about gleefully, destroying library loads of angry novels. Still they came and IM slowly began to back away. He no longer chuckled but concentrated on his casting. “Look out! To your right!” shouted Muaddib. IM swiveled around to meet a rush from a group of dictionaries trying to flank him. He send a pulse of energy at them, scattering words everywhere and rendering them inert. The dictionaries had done their job though, a swarm of children’s books leapt for IM’s feet, climbing up his leg. “Getoffme!” shouted IM, shaking his leg, sending copies of ‘The Adventures of Smiley Poop-Face’ flying in all directions. He cast an electrical charge as a bunch of heavier Encyclopedias thudded into him from the side, knocking him away. He rounded on them and send a ball of white energy through them, destroying a whole set in one go. A squad of Whodunnits launched themselves at him, tearing his robes before IM could repulse them. They were quickly replaced by some Fantasy novels, flying in from above and knocking IM to the ground, where he was swarmed on my several DIY books. IM rolled in the mud, dislodging them and managing to regain his feet. “That’s it! You have made me angry now!” He thrust a finger at the flying fantasy squadron and a large explosion knocked them from the sky. Then he thrust a fist down and shouted Magical words. A circle of blue fire swept out from him, expanding as it went, consuming the attacking books. Ash flew into the air and the smell of smoke filtered through the jungle. “See how you like that!” Said IM in satisfaction. The books retreated, First Aid guides helping the injured and damaged to limp away from IM’s circle of fire. “Ahahaha! I win!” IM smiled and looked over at his colleagues. “See? I don’t need your help! I can handle a few books on my own.” Muaddib swallowed. “I think…” “What, what do you think?” asked IM, leaning against a wall and polishing his fingernails. Muaddib didn’t say anything, but just pointed. “Huh?” IM looked around. The wall he was leaning on had giant words on it. They said ‘…and justice was served.’ IM looked up at the Mother book, towering angrily over him. “Oh shi…” There was a thud and a squishing noise as the tome slammed shut, relegating IM to the role of squashed red bookmarker. “Ouch” said Smee quietly as they watched the enormous novel stump off. There was a sound, and a giant bowl of mashed potatoes landed in a bush nearby. > “This is Emerald Eyul here at base camp One! Both teams are expected to arrive at any minute. From here we shall move onto our next location. But where shall it be? The Bananalands are rich and diverse, with a complex history. There is a nearby haunted castle for example. Or the Tombs of King Gollywobble the Mad, rumored to be riddled with deadly traps. Or perhaps you would like to pick a location? Go to the local library and look up the guide book on ‘Bananalands’. Suggestions should be submitted here! This is Emeral Eyul, from the Bananalands, with Real Bananas!” *There is a sentence I have never written before. >>>>>> Okay folks! Let your imaginations run wild! Suggest a setting for the next part of the Real Banana challenge! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:19 pm    Post subject: OOooh, I like the sound of the Tombs. Let's go there Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 3:24 am    Post subject: Very nice chapter. I prefer the haunted castle... Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 9:00 am    Post subject: Are both teams going to the same place, or do we get to choose for each one. And no, I expect you wouldn't have written about attacking books before. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 3:27 pm    Post subject: Both teams will go to the same place. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Solomon Birch Honored Citizen Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 11:07 am    Post subject: Traps sound nice and spiky and fally and choppy. Go there. With Lordy held out in front. *holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9 Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3 The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3 One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3 Green Eyes - Chapter 5 Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 2:38 pm    Post subject: Maybe some mountanious area - if there is one. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 3:47 pm    Post subject: Yes guys, there can me pretty much any scenario you can think* of. Don't limit yourself to the two I put up, those were just a couple to get you going. *Within the genre anyway. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Argonaut Mercenary Artist Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 344 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 10:41 pm    Post subject: chinaren wrote: Welcome to the story Argo! I am sure you will make an appearance in this one, or Tale of IF soon enough! In that case I like my tea with a ridiculous amount of honey Now for the location... hmm, how about an Aztec style temple where the Banana God is worshipped. Perhaps they have to steal the giant golden banana. But how do you steal a 50 foot banana? Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 3:07 am    Post subject: The castle of Dracula. (I just want a castle) Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 3:18 am    Post subject: Not the Banana God again - his worshipers really don't like us (EVIL stole a golden banana from them once). Though admittedly, only Sorrow was found holding it... I like that plan actually. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:55 am    Post subject: How about we go to the castle, Lordyn in front, when suddenly everyone turns into their altar egos? _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 6:26 am    Post subject: Quote: How come Argo is going to get into Tale of If before me? I've got 200 more posts thatn him! Well, for one it doesn't go on post count. Secondly, I never said you wouldn't be in did I? _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 6:21 pm    Post subject: Poll is up then. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:51 am    Post subject: 'ted for the castle. Are we going to turn into our alter egos? _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:02 am    Post subject: Had to vote for the tomb - I like tombs... _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 9:16 pm    Post subject: Episode 10.1 - Canyon. Episode 10.1 - Canyon. Muddy, Smee, Cyborgninja, Jnmrcs, Sorrow, Tiny Stoat, Lordy, Dean and RLZ (& Emerald) It had been a day since the teams had checked in, and a rest in a comfortable bed, as well as a large buffet had regenerated the contestants. Even now Smee and Jnmrcs were fighting over the last cookie on the severely depleted snacks table, whilst Cyborgninja completed a recharge of his batteries. Lordy and Dean were flopped out on Beanbags drinking some dubious looking red liquid from a strangely shaped bottle they had found. Muaddib was trying to sit cross-legged on a cushion and meditate. Tiny Stoat was sitting in a plate surrounded by the remains of a chocolate cake she had claimed for herself. RLZ had learned it was unwise to argue with her when it came to certain things, and was now blubbering quietly to himself in the corner nursing a badly bitten finger. “Everyone gather round please!” Emerald Eyul clapped her hands loudly trying to attract the attention of the players. Once she had a semblance of order she continued. “We are now ready for the next stage of our little competition. Unfortunately we have had a few little accidents on the way so far…” There was some muttering from Muaddib about ‘the Golden Path’ but she ignored it and carried on. “Our next mission is to infiltrate a building and acquire an artifact.” “What building would this be then?” asked Smee, munching on the cookie and ignoring Jnmrcs’ glare. “Oh, you will see it soon enough. First though, you will have to get there. Standing in your way is a mountainous stretch of terrain, with cliffs, canyons and general rocky stuff.” “Well, what if we don’t feel like leaving?” asked Lordy from his cushion. “I am quite comfortable here thank-you very much.” He took another swig from the bottle and let out a burp that was tinged with blue flame. “No problem, but you should know that we will be evacuating this building soon as it stands directly in the path of the Vampire Ants of Ungabunga. A savage flesh-eating swarm of giant insects who overwhelm and devour anything in their path. So hang around if you want to.” She shrugged. “Bah,” Lordy scowled. “You have 50 meters of rope at your disposal, as well as a saw, a hammer and 20 assorted nails. There is a signpost outside which will direct you towards the next objective. Good luck now!” Emerald winked at Muaddib and departed in a swirl of camera eyes. The group looked at each other. Smee sighed and stood up. “Come on then. Let’s get going. Someone load up the equipment onto the Cyborg.” “Who died and left you in charge?” asked Lordy. “Well, as next senior to Key, it is only logical…” “Logical smogical,” said Lordy. “Someone has to…” “Stop bickering you two, or fingers will be bitten.” Stoat stood up and brushed chocolate off her fur. “It doesn’t matter who takes charge, but we need to work together. Lordy, do as Smee says or I will bite your ear. RLZ, stop sniffling and help him.” Lordy muttered something under his breath but complied. “RLZ hurts,” said RLZ, but did as she said too. “Better gather the rest of the food too. No telling when we will get to eat next,” said Dean. “Good idea,” said Muaddib. The party set to, and soon the group was standing outside the exit looking at the mountainous region ahead. “Looks pretty rocky alright,” said Jnmrcs. “Can you hear anything?” said Sorrow. “++Bleep++ Insectoid life approaching. Recommend evasive action ++Bleep bleep bleep++” Cyborgninja piped up. They looked around as the rustling got closer. “I think they must be the ants Emerald mentioned” said Smee. “Come on! Let’s not panic now, if we…” He broke off as the he was pushed aside in the general rush to get away. “Hey!” Smee stood up and brushed himself off. “No need for…Oh crap!” He looked around as an ant, fully as tall as he was appeared from round the corner of the house. “Wait for me!!” > “Are they still coming?” panted Jnmrcs. “I think we have pulled away a little bit,” said Stoat, standing on Lordy’s head and looking back the way they had come. “That’s a good job too, because we have a small problem,” Sorrow stepped back from over a small rise. They all walked over the crest of the hill and looked around. Running from left to right infront of them, stretching as far as they could see in both directions, was a canyon. Lordy peered over the edge. “Deep,” he said. “A good 100 meters I would say, and about 70 meters across maybe.” “Can we climb down?” Asked Muaddib, cautiously looking into the depths. “You can if you want, doesn’t look easy though,” said Lordy. “I am alright, I can fly across.” He grinned smugly and folded his arms. They looked around. Several smallish trees lined the chasm, a few medium sized boulders were also nearby, but other than that there didn’t seem to be much else. “Guys! We need to do something! Those ants aren’t going away!” Dean’s voice wailed from the rear. Smee rolled up his sleeves. “Okay then. Here is what I suggest...” >>>>>> A short episode, but at least I have managed to get around to writing something! What plan does Smee have? Any ideas how to escape the ants? Let’s hear them! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 10:52 pm    Post subject: Well, the only thing I can think is to try and form a catapult with the nails, rope and trees. I'm not sure I'd like to try whizzing 70ft through the air at high speed (at least when it came to the landing part), but then again, Lordy likes me and I weigh barely anything as Tiny Stoat, so I probably won't have to go in the catapult after all *bats eyes at Lordy* Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 4:36 am    Post subject: How many wizards have we got left? I know there's Smee, are there any others? Because, either they could simply try zapping the ants. Of course - the rest of us could simply build the catapult while Smee stays behind as a distr.... er... a last line of defence while the rest of us escape. Either that, or we could build a bridge of people, like the monkey bridge from - I think - Krishnak. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Argonaut Mercenary Artist Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 344 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 9:39 am    Post subject: A catapult sounds great! Lordy can fly across, and catch people as they land on the other side Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 11:19 am    Post subject: This is LORDY we're talkinhg about! He's not gonna catch you unless you pay him all your fables or he gets at least one soul. Unless there's one more voting off we have no souls to spare. _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 11:41 am    Post subject: Well, I don't think anything happened to either IM's or Key's. Actually, I thought I had hit on a brilliant solution, but I realised there wasn't enough rope. I could have taken the rope, and flown it across to the other side. Then people could simply have crawled along it. Of course - if Smee can make it double in size, then it could still work. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Starwalker Guest Items Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:17 pm    Post subject: Goofed, missed the previous posters comments. I like the idea of the rope; but the rope is 50' and the chasm is 70' so the rope should be much longer, 30' not much if the trees are more that 15' back on eather side of the chasm. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 3:38 pm    Post subject: Quote: if Smee can make it double in size, then it could still work. Ah! Good idea! As much as I like the catapult idea (and I do, I do!) it would take a bit too long. Unless...Smee casts a speed up spell. Aha! Yes. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 3:17 am    Post subject: Nice idea. I liked the catapult idea with smee giving them some time to build it. Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 10:54 am    Post subject: Can we not just send chinaren clones into the chasm until it's filled up with all the bodies? Then we can step over the twitching bodies without haveing to expend much effort at all. _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 4:39 am    Post subject: Poll is up then. I thought I had already done it actually. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 5:01 am    Post subject: Somehow, I read the second option as 'Smee to try unzipping his pants' Sorry Smee! Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 5:04 am    Post subject: Voted for, well, the one which involves me. And winning. Woo! _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:05 pm    Post subject: Okay, this is next on my list. There was a tie in the poll, but I have figured a way out to combine them. Do you know you can only close the poll if you have voted? I had to vote for a third option. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 5:33 am    Post subject: chinaren wrote: Do you know you can only close the poll if you have voted? I had to vote for a third option. You did not need to vote on the poll to close it. But as you haven't vote you have to click the "view result" link. Then you will see th "close poll" button. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 5:42 am    Post subject: Duh! I probably didn't do that! Thanks J. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:42 am    Post subject: It's a tie! Though, Stoat, I'm very relieved that ''Smee to try unzipping his pants' didn't win. I suspect our dear Mayor might have had something to say about it. _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 8:16 pm    Post subject: Episode 10.2 - Flying high. Episode 10.2 - Flying high. “I am going to cast The Tempus Holdus spell!” Smee said, raising his hands and striking a dramatic stance. The others looked at him blankly. “I mean,” said Smee, annoyed, “I am going to meddle with the structure of the Universe itself! Dabble in Powers that mere mortals were never meant to know of! Delve into the Ultimate mystery!” Another hammy pose. Stoat looked at Lordy. Lordy shrugged. “ARG! You philistines!!” Smee stamped his foot. “I mean I am going to stop Time!!” He rolled his eyes and muttered to himself. “Why am I the only one here... Oh never mind. Just start dancing the “Timewarp,” double speed.” He started to gesture and then stopped. “Well? Dance!! Come on! Or do you wish to be ant food?” The rest of the group quickly started to to dance what someone, in a dim light and perhaps after drinking quite a lot of beer, could just about recognize as the 'Timewarp'. Smee started his spell, but Cyborgninja, who wasn't grooving with the rest of them, bleeped. “++Dangerous lifeforms advancing too quickly. Defense mode activated++” So saying several small doors opened in his side, to reveal strange wand-like protuberances. “++Weapons online. Engage enemy!!++” The robot trundled away, towards the advancing ants. One by one the wands fired their ordinance. A fireball charred a group of the nearest insects, whilst a beam of red light cut a swathe through others. A ball of silver frost froze, and then shattered still more. “++Eat hot molten death!++” Cyborgninja's voice drifted back to the group, who were starting to sweat as they gyrated madly in counterpoint to Smee's chanting. “Just a little...longer” said Smee, incanting for all he was worth. Cyborgninja met the enemy with a crash. Whirling blades had extended, and a buzzsaw sound could be heard as he sawed through legs and exoskeleton. Gore flew through the air. “Go Cyborg!” Panted Jnmrcs, as he did the pelvic thrust. “Ninja! Get back here!” shouted Smee between Words of Power. “You need to be close in!” “++Request denied!++” came the metallic voice back. “++Defense mode is engaged! Cannot withdraw in time++ Cyborg will fight on!++ Sacrifice the one for the good of the many* ++” “Sucker,” muttered Lordy. Smee wiped his brow as several of the giant insects climbed past CyborgNinja, now in the center of the biting swarm. The ants closed in, but as they did so they slowed, then stopped altogether. Silence descended on the scene. All around them Time stood still. Its forward momentum held in check by the power of Smee's spell. “It's alright, you can stop now,” puffed Smee. “It is done.” The others collapsed on the floor, all except Stoat, who continued to jiggle about. “Wooo! Timewarp!” She shouted. Jnmrcs tripped her up. *Sorry, Star Trek nerd here. > “There, that should do it.” Muaddib stood back and dusted his hands together as they admired their handiwork. “A nice piece of woodwork I must say,” said Jnmrcs. The catapult stood loud and proud. The wood taken from the nearby trees, which were now reduced to stumps. “But will it be powerful enough to get us across?” asked Dean, putting voice to their thoughts. “We need a guinea cow.” “I think you mean pig,” said Stoat. “No need to be rude,” said Dean. “So, who is it to be?” They all looked at RLZ, who was sitting on the ground and picking daisies. He looked up. “Eh?” > “RLZ is not sure about this! RLZ has a fear of flying!” “Don't think of it as flying, more a controlled fall,” said Smee, as they finished winding the catapult back. “Now, are you ready?” “No!” “Good, have a nice trip.” Smee hit the lever. “RLZZZZZZ DOOOEESSSNN'TTTTTTT Wwaaaaaannnn....” RLZ's voice was lost as the firing arm shot forward, throwing him high into the sky. The group followed his progress with interest. “I think he is going to make it!” said Muaddib. “Yes! Yes!” “Er...” “Falling a bit short isn't he?” There was a distant squashing sound. The watchers winced in unison, then watched as the battered body bounced off the cliff all the way down to the bottom, where it landed with a dull thud. “Ouch,” said Dean. “Mmm, that didn't quite work did it?” Sorrow peered over the edge. “Er, guys, I think Smee's spell is beginning to wear off.” Lordy pointed at the ants. There was definitely some distant movement. “I have another idea!” Stoat said. “Who has some rope left? We tie it to Lordy and he can carry us across. “ “I can't carry you that far!” Lordy complained. “Okay, in that case, you hover near the other side, with the rope dangling below. We catapult everyone over, and they catch the rope, then you quickly drop them on the other side.” “Mmm, risky. Quite a high chance of people missing the rope too.” Lordy rubbed his chin. “I like it.” “Let's hurry,” said Sorrow, one eye on the ants. “We don't have much time.” > Sproing!! Smee flew through the air with the greatest of ease, nimbly catching the rope hanging from Lordy at the last second. Lordy flew the last few meters and dumped him down on the other side, next to Tiny Stoat who had flown over on Lordy's shoulder. “Easy!” said Smee smugly. “Come on Dean!” There was another loud TWANG! and Dean was launched over the canyon. He sailed through the air and stretched out his hand to grasp the rope. “Ooops!” Dean forgot his hand was still stuck in shadow mode. It passed through the rope. “Oh dear,” said Stoat as she watched Dean plummet down into the gloom of the chasm,screaming all the while. “Next!” said Lordy. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Muaddib pushed Sorrow out of the way and climbed onto the catapult. Jnmrcs fired it, and Muaddib did a neat flip, catching the rope and landing safely on the other side, as Jnmrcs kicked Sorrow in the shin and then followed him. Lordy dodged, but Jnmrcs reached out and just managed to grasp the rope, much to Lordy's distress. Sorrow was frantically winding the catapult back as the ants began to move forward again. “Ha! I am going to make it!” he said. The rope snapped. “Fugg!!” Wailed Sorrow. “Lordy! Get over here quick!” “Well, I suppose so,” said Lordy, and began to gently flap his wings and drift back over to the other side. He hovered over Sorrow, who jumped frantically for the rope, which was just out of reach. “Lower! Fly lower!” screamed Sorrow as the ants closed in, now back to full speed. Lordy, reluctantly, dropped a little, and Sorrow grabbed the rope. “Got it! Go go go!!” There was an explosion from the mass of ants, as some critical part of Cyborgninja was stabbed by one of the more intelligent insects. An orange fireball erupted, throwing metal and ant parts far and wide. A small mushroom cloud blossomed in the air. “Cool!” said Jnmrcs, from the other side of the canyon. Lordy rose in the air, flapping like mad. Sorrow shouted in glee and then stopped. High overhead something sparkled. A piece of Cyborgninja, which had been thrown clear by the blast, tumbled through the air, sunlight glinting prettily off razor sharp edges. “Of shi...” Sorrow started as the debris started to drop. Lordy was struggling to pull away when he heard a squelching sound and the rope suddenly felt a lot lighter. He shot up into the air. “What happened?” Looking down he could just see the form of Sorrow, a large piece of shrapnel embedded through his chest, as he wriggled about. Clearly he was still alive when the ants reached him... > “Emerald Eyul here again! Against all odds the group have made it over the canyon, and are now beginning the perilous trek to the Temple of the Banana God! Four were lost, but Smee, Stoat, Lord of the Night, Jnmrcs and Muaddib still survive. We will see how they fair against the Yellow Cult. Don't touch that control wand! Keep watching the action as it unfolds, only on... Real Bananas!” > Dean stood up. He couldn't believe it. He was still alive! He had landed on something soft, which had cushioned his fall. That, and his shadow self meant he hadn't been killed. He looked down and grimaced. RLZ had saved him after all it seemed. “Ahem.” Dean looked around. Nothing. “Down here.” He looked down. “Oh oh.” Standing in front of him were about 30 small Muggableagooba warriors. They were liberally decorated with the latest in shrunken head jewelery. “Ah, I seem to be lost. Any chance of...” Dean turned suddenly and made a break for it. He actually made it quite a long way before they caught him. > “There it is then, the Temple of the Banana God,” whispered Smee from behind his bush. The survivors peered through the undergrowth. The building, which was spherical in shape was actually quite large. It was perched on a clear piece of ground, with three or four guards, clad in long hooded yellow robes, pacing around it. The main entrance loomed large infront of them, though the large doors were closed. Around the building were windows, but they were fairly small and high up. The roof was a large dome. “We have to get in there?” asked Muadibb. “How are we going to manage that?” >>>>>> So, several players down, those that haven't been on IF lately. How are the rest going to get into the Temple? They need to get in, steal the Holy Banana, and get out again. Any plans? <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Shady Stoat Elder Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 12:26 am    Post subject: Ah. I think this calls for the old 'distract the guards' routine. We dress Muaddib up in the closest approximation we can find to a sales-suit. Then he makes contact with the guards. Presuming they don't kill him immediately, he starts to make his pitch. "The Golden Path is the one true way to happiness. Abandon your material possession and your thoughts of conquest, comrades, for I am here to show you, in only forty-three easy steps, how you can move beyond the physical and into the spiritual. Let us start with step one..." By the time he's at step 5, all the guards will be asleep and we can walk straight past them, looking for how to open the main door. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:59 am    Post subject: I thought that was great. Especially my one liners. "Sucker." “Mmm, risky. Quite a high chance of people missing the rope too.” Lordy rubbed his chin. “I like it.” Ahem. Well, Stoat does have a rather good plan, but there's always the chance that someone's provided deaf and dumb guards - just to be annoying. So we're going to need a back-up plan at least. How about using someone as a distraction - jmnrcs should do the trick nicely I feel. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:11 am    Post subject: Nice chapter. Very nice. lord, I think that I preffer Stoat idea... (I want to be safe) My idea, let's send tiny stoat with lordy to check the dome and the building for some other entrance. Inm anyway maybe tiny stoat could enter there to give the team some help from inside. Back to top Author Argonaut Mercenary Artist Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 344 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:41 pm    Post subject: It seems the only covert way in would be to get tiny Soat into one of those windows. Unless we can magic a way through the wall, or put guards to sleep... still who knows what's inside. I think some soat reconnaissance is in order. Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 11:06 am    Post subject: I like Stoat's but couldn't you just send all the armies of mindless drones that join If in to gettem? _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author P.I.N.B Guest Items Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 6:56 pm    Post subject: I have just now caught up on the story(well not just now, started a while ago, ignored it because I forgot-just finished). Very nice! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:29 am    Post subject: Three options then folks. Vote... Now! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author solus.serpen Respected Citizen Joined: 21 Jul 2006 Posts: 608 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 6:21 am    Post subject: I've just caught up too - great sg China . Voted for the Muaddib option and looking forward to the next chapter . solus. _________________ Ogden the Octopus has hijacked my avatar image chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:11 am    Post subject: Right, I think this is the next on my list. I am a bit confused these days. Anyway, any more votes, get em in quick! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 4:37 am    Post subject: Episode 11 &#8211; Mighty Yellow. Episode 11 – Mighty Yellow. “We have to get in there?” asked Muaddib. “How are we going to manage that?” “Those windows,” pointed Smee. “Someone small and wriggly could...” “Don't even think it,” interrupted Tiny Stoat. “I did my stint in that village, thankyouverymuch.” “Fine, then what do you suggest?” said Smee, folding his arms. Not an easy task when crouched in the middle of a bush. Stoat chewed on her claws for a second. “I have it!” > “This is ridiculous!” wailed Muaddib. “Why do I have to distract the guards? Why can't Lordy do it? Or Jnmrcs?” “Don't be silly,” said Jnmrcs, “what do I know about the Golden Path? No no, it has to be you. You will be fine, don't worry about it.” “Are you done yet Lordy?” said Smee. Lordy looked up, a small sharp twig was in his mouth which trailed thin twine. “Mm hrryng s fst m cn.” he mumbled. On his lap were a number of large leaves, harvested from nearby trees. With Lord of the Night's skillful needlework they were taking the shape of a pair of pants. Admittedly a pair of pants that belonged to someone with a serious plant fetish, but still. “And what is it with this leaf suit anyway?” Moaned Muaddib. “I am going to be lucky they don't toss me for a salad!” “Oh hush, you can't go up in the Real Bananas outfit,” said Lordy. “Here, try this on.” He passed a natty green jacket over to Smee. “Just be careful how you handle it, it's from some sort of stinkweed plant.” Smee walked over to Muaddib with it held carefully in in his hand. “Arm out!” He ordered. With much fussing they got the jacket on Muaddib and stood back to admire the effect. “Looking good!” Lied Stoat. “Here, put this flower in the button hole. She passed over a yellow bloom, which was actually the most highly poisonous blossom in the whole of Banananland, should you eat it. “Here are the pants, put them on and let's see.” Lordy handed Muaddib the newly completed trousers. More struggling ensued, but in the end Muaddib stood in the middle of the jungle dressed in a brand new plant suit. “Excellent,” said Smee, rubbing his hands together. “Now, you know what to do. Off you go, good luck, we will be right behind you.” “I would prefer it if you were infront of me,” grumbled Muddy, but started off anyway, looking a little like a shrub had suddenly decided to up and take a stroll. The other four trailed him, following as Muaddib stepped forward into the clearing and up towards the temple. The nearest guard saw him and uttered something, brandishing a spear. Muaddib held his hands up infront of him. “Brothers!” the others could just about hear him say. “It is a joyus day! Gather around, please!” “It's working!” said Stoat. The Banana guards approached Muaddib, encircling him. "The Golden Path is the one true way to happiness,” preached Muaddib. “Abandon your material possessions and your thoughts of conquest comrades, for I am here to show you, in only forty-three easy steps, how you can move beyond the physical and into the spiritual. Let us start with step one..." > “Wake up!” Muaddib prodded the recumbent figures lying in the bushes. “Wuh, what happened?” asked Smee, rubbing his eyes and spitting out some kind of caterpillar who had tried to make a home in his mouth. “It didn't work, your plan,” said Muaddib. “They all fell asleep for some reason.” “Well, ah, that's okay too,” said Lordy stretching. “Come on,” said Jnmrcs, “let's get them before they wake up!” They rushed over to the snoring guards. “I only got as far as step 5,” said Muaddib, but trailed behind anyway. > “This is Emerald Eyul, reporting from outside the temple of the Yellow Cult! Our five remaining competitors have succeeded in acquiring Cult robes and even now are arguing on how to proceed further. Inside the temple is the Sacred Banana, an artifact of great religious significance to the cult. Somehow the five must steal this and make a clean getaway! What are the odds? Let's watch...” > The inside of the Temple was a pale yellow, made of cold stone bricks. Four robed figures stumbled down the passageway, though one had a peculiar lump on his shoulder. “Which way?” whispered Jnmrcs as they came to a crossroads. “Follow them,” replied Smee, pointing at several figures in similar robes heading up the corridor on the right. They moved off, keeping a reasonable distance behind the two, who walked onwards, seemingly unaware of their presence. Through a maze of similar looking passageways they walked, passing no others. Eventually, just as Lordy was about to say something, a dull bell chimed. The two figures increased their speed, hurrying past a flight of steps towards a set of double doors ahead of them. “Up here!” Hissed Muaddib, quickly climbing up the stairs. The rest followed, to find themselves in an alcove overlooking a grand circular hall. Stained glass windows were set high into the walls, depicting scenes of heroic Banandom. Pews took up most of the floor space around the edge, though a small font bubbled away to one side, and there were several statues interspersed around the chamber. All of these were arranged in a circle centering upon a statue of a giant banana, easily as tall as a man, and lovingly coated with gold foil. Peering over the low wall the team could see rows of robed monks, in concentric circles around the Banana. They were all on the floor, face down in worship position. Before them a figure in a grander robe than the others, complete with pointy hood, stood on a platform. As they watched he raised his hands. “PRAISE BE THE GREAT BANANANA!” He intoned. “PRAISE BE!” the gathered throng repeated, still face down. “ALL MIGHTY IS THE YELLOW ONE!” “ALL MIGHTY!” repeated the throng. “NOT ORANGE!” “NEVER ORANGE!” “NOR EVIL BROWN!” “EEEEVIL!” “YELLOW! ONLY YELLOW!” “MIIIIGHTY YELLLOW!!” “Good stuff this,” whispered Muaddib from the balcony. “Are you taking notes?” hissed Tiny Stoat, from Lordy's shoulder. “Hey, you can always learn,” said Muaddib defensively. “CURSED BE THE RED!” “CURSED RED!” “So, I am assuming that bloody great big banana statue is what we have to steal?” said Jnmrcs. “INFERIOR IS PINK!” “OH, SO INFERIOR!” “How are we going to do that?” asked Smee. “It must weigh a ton!” “I SPIT ON PURPLE!” “SPIT SPIT SPIT!” “Where there's a will, there's a way,” said Tiny Stoat cheerfully. The others looked at her. “NEVER MENTION THE FOUL AQUAMARINE!” “OH SO FOUL!” “Sorry,” she squeaked. “AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BLUE!” “NOT STARTED!” >>>>>> There you go folks. The hardest task to date no doubt! Not only do they have to do away with the Giant Banana, but they must evade hordes of Yellow Cult members. So, what's the plan? Let's hear it! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author solus.serpen Respected Citizen Joined: 21 Jul 2006 Posts: 608 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:36 am    Post subject: *****Well, I think they should try and find some way to dress up as banana's and go in there pretending they are banana gods...then say that they are taking their little brother (the banana all the people are worshipping) back to the banana god home! . Alternatively...they could just walk in there, pretend to worship, gradually crawl to the front, then grab the banana and do a runner. Good chapter China . Solus. *****PPP SUGGESTION _________________ Ogden the Octopus has hijacked my avatar image chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending! Last edited by solus.serpen on Mon Sep 04, 2006 4:07 am; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 12:26 pm    Post subject: I think we should utilise Red's talents again, whilst meanwhile hiding in a distant corner. When he anger's them with his colour choice, with any luck they'll chase after him, leaving the team free to get the banana and leg it. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author Argonaut Mercenary Artist Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 344 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:30 pm    Post subject: Ridiculous problems call for ridiculous solutions. I say they march straight in there and proclaim themselves to be the holy banana cleaners. It's high time the mighty banana had a cleaning, can't have the beautiful yellow getting old and dusty. Well don't just stand there brothers, get to work. The holy cleaners need your help to transport the great banana to the official holy banana cleaning facility. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:35 pm    Post subject: LOL! Excellent ideas guys! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:42 am    Post subject: Any more? I will put up a poll for this soon. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author The White Blacksmith Elder Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 5:56 am    Post subject: I think they should get Smee to cast an illusion that makes the bannana turn to right Blue or someting in their eyes. In the resulting pandemonium they can run off with it. _________________ Tea Cures All. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 5:55 pm    Post subject: Four excellent suggestions then folks. (Argo, Whitey, Lordy and SS, don't forget to submit your points to the PPP). And...vote away! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:44 pm    Post subject: Chinaren!!! I've caught up! Lol... a long while back I left off at chapter 2. Came back and caught up. This story is hilarious. Is there anyway I can come back on? If not that's ok, but if I do, maybe I come back all beaten up and angry? Like a berserk? Or maybe they all devise a plan to steal the banana relic, but when they find out it's stolen they give up and walk out of the temple, and I'm standing there with it? I donno, I just really like the story, and really liked my character, great job on it so far cren. Edit: Oh yes, and my vote. Quote: Send in Muddy to stir up trouble with his color choice, then nick the 'nana in the resulting mayhem. There ya go! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:20 pm    Post subject: Quote: maybe I come back all beaten up and angry? LOL! That would be pretty good actually Z. However, this Storygame is scheduled for termination soon, so there isn't really enough time, sorry about that. Anywone in the story who hasn't logged on in a while is automatically eliminated. Watch out for the next chapter coming soon... _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:35 am    Post subject: You're going to ditch this storygame? But it's so funny, and good! That's ok, if I don't come back. Just cause I'm not in anymore doesn't mean I'll stop reading. You're doing a great job with this, good luck! Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:37 am    Post subject: I am not going to ditch it, it will just end! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author rlz Guest Items Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:45 am    Post subject: Aww... come on... at least to chapter 15? I love this story. And it's easier and better for me to read cause I'm reading one story at a time to catch up, then once I'm all caught up I'll be able to read multiple stories. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:23 am    Post subject: OKay, new chapter is on the way. Polling is closed. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 6:38 am    Post subject: Episode 12 &#8211; The Professional. Episode 12 – The Professional. The Grand Banana nodded to himself as the last of the acolytes shuffled out of the hall. It had been a good sermon, one of his best. The Great Yellow would be pleased. He patted the Idol and brushed away a spot of dust. There was a creak, and the door to the chamber opened. A head popped around. “Hello! Anybody home?” “Who are you?” demanded the Grand Banana. “Oh good, you are here. Come on then lads.” The head entered the hall, followed in close order by the body. Three more followed the first, plus a small furry creature sat on the shoulder of one. The four larger beings were wearing yellow outfits, each one had a number on his lapel. “What is the meaning of this?” The Grand Banana drew himself up to full height, which wasn't much, but he was still standing on the platform, so it compensated somewhat. “Cleaners!” beamed the first person again, who was apparently number one. “Cleaners?” “Cleaners. Here to clean the you-know, whotsit,” the self alleged cleaner waved a hand at the Great Yellow. “Clean the Great Yellow?” “Of course. Doesn't clean itself now does it?” “But the Great Yellow is cleaned every second Monday already. Father Pickle does it.” “And old Pickle is a professional cleaner is he?” “Well, no. But...” “There you go then.” “I do?” “Of course.” The figure climbed up onto the platform next to the Grand Banana and tried to put a friendly arm around his shoulders. Unfortunately the Grand Banana was rather short, so it looked like the cleaner had him in some strange kind of headlock. “Look, you wouldn't want the Banana gods to get all miffed because their, watchacall it, effigy, their representation of physical manifestation in the material realm, was all dusty now, would you?” “I suppose not,” the Grand Banana put a finger to his lips. “But really, it is quite clean. Father Pickle goes over it very thoroughly.” “Does he spray it though?” Cleaner number three piped up. “Spray it?” “Yes, for Nana bugs,” the first one replied. “Pesky devils they are. Could be eating the thing from the inside. You would never know about it until it collapsed inna pile of dust. I've seen it so many times.” He shook his head sadly. “Well, I suppose. But what about payment? How much does this all cost?” “Don't worry about that, your predecessor sorted it all out when he called us.” Number one slapped the Grand Banana on the back, nearly knocking him off the podium. “Old Merkin? But he retired 13 years ago!” “Yes, sorry about the delay, our response times are improving though,” number one said as he turned to contemplate the Great Yellow. “Wait a minute! If you are cleaners, where are your tools?” “Oh, we don't clean it here,” said number two. “What do you take us for, amateurs?” The others laughed in agreement. “We have to take it to the depot,” number one said, giving the effigy a nudge with his boot. “Don't worry, shouldn't be gone more than a few days, and a small price to pay for not bringing the wrath of the gods down upon your heads, don't you think?” “I guess...” “There you go then. Now, you had better stand back.” “I should supervise.” “Nah, no need guvn'r” said number four. “Tell ya what, why don't you make us a luvely cuppa tea? Go down a treat that would.” “Yes, civilians only get in the way,” said number one, giving him a pat on the shoulder. The Grand Banana sighed. “Okay then, but I want a receipt, understand?” “No problem. Off you go then.” The Grand Banana plodded across the vestibule and, taking only one quick look behind him, slipped out of the door. > “Phew, thought he would never go,” said Smee, turning to the big banana statue. “Come on you lot, give us a hand with this, we want to be out of here before he comes back.” Lordy and Jnmrcs climbed onto the platform and started examining the base of the banana. “Come on Muaddib, this thing is going to be heavy,” said Smee as they strained to lift it. Muaddib crossed his arms. “No. Not going to.” “Oh come on! Don't tell me you are still sulking because you are number four!” Squeaked Stoat. “Why did I have to be number four? Why not Smee? Who got us in here in the first place? Eh?” “You...did.... a.... good.... job!” Lordy answered between heaves. As he said 'job' the banana lifted out of it's base and the three tottered about, spending a few moments wobbling left and right, trying to balance the thing before it finally steadied. “Look, if you aren't going to help, then at least go and check the way out is clear,” said Smee, as they maneuvered the statue into a horizontal position. “Oh, very well then.” Muaddib stalked across the room grumbling to himself. He opened the door a crack and peered through. “All clear?” Muaddib slammed the door shut and pushed against it. There was a loud crash and shouts of anger from the other side. “I take that as a no then,” said Lordy. “They must have found the guards.” “Over there!” said Stoat, pointing at another, smaller, door. “Hold them off!” cried Smee to Muaddib, who was just about managing to keep the door shut. “Hurry! I can't hold them long!” Muaddib shouted. The other three, puffing and panting, managed to open the other door, which led to a small room furnished with two chairs and a table. Another doorway lay open on the far wall, leading to a corridor that sloped down, into the earth. They had just shoved the banana into the room when there was a resounding crash, and the banana hordes broke down the door into the main chamber. “Wait for meeee!” screamed Muaddib, leaping away from the mob of yellow clad monks. “Hold them off!” shouted Lordy, grabbing one of the chairs. “You will be a hero, I will see you get a mention in the IFQuirer!” “Lordy!” Screamed Muaddib, “Don't you dare close that door! You dirty bas...” His sentence was cut off as Lord of the Night slammed the door closed, wedging the chair under the handle. “That should do it,” he said, over a brief but intense scream that came from the other side. “I suggest we get out of here,” said Stoat. They picked up the giant banana and fled down the passage. > “...tard! Uh?” Muaddib looked around. The banana temple was no longer anywhere to be seen. Instead he was on a long golden road. In the distance, on the horizon, a bright light beckoned. “Oh,” said Muaddib. “I see.” He started walking. > On a hillside a boulder, half buried in the dirt, moved. Only a little at first, but then more and more until it finally tipped over and rolled down the hill, crashing through the underbrush and killing several rare animals on the way. From the tunnel behind it Lordy emerged, like the rebirth of the anti-christ. “We are out,” he shouted over his shoulder. Tiny Stoat ran through his legs and took a deep breath. “Fresh air!” She said, and sat down on the ground. “Come on Lordy,” came Smee's voice. “Help us get this out of here!” Lordy turned around and went back into the tunnel. With a lot of grunting, Lordy, Smee and Jnmrcs finally extracted their prize from the underground tunnel. They dumped it onto the floor, with a loud thud. “Phew!” said Jnmrcs, sitting on the banana. “Finally.” “Well done!” Emerald Eyul emerged from behind a tree. “Who would have thought you would manage to actually steal the Great Yellow from under the noses of the Death Cult? Amazing!” “You again!” said Lordy. “And where is that orange fur ball?” “He is back in the city running for Mayor,” replied Emerald. “Bah.” “So, what next?” asked Jnmrcs. “You are nearly there!” Said Emerald, waving her microphone orb about excitedly. “All that remains is for the three of you to run across that piece of land, well mostly land, and reach the finish line!” “Three? There are four of us,” said Lordy. They looked around. “Wait! Where is Stoat?” “You should be a little more careful where you put your giant, and above all, very heavy banana,” said Emerald, pointing at a red stain oozing from under the statue. The others winced. “So we leave this thing here then?” asked Jnmrcs. “That's right. Chinaren Inc. transport division will get it transported later.” “And where do we have to go?” asked Smee. Emerald pointed at a beam of intense blue light that was shining up into the sky in the distance. “There. The first one to make it wins.” “I see. And what about the other two?” asked Lordy, slowly edging away from Jnmrcs and Smee. “There is only room on the luxury liner back to IF for one, and houries of course,” said Emerald. “So," said Smee. "Let's just wait a minute to catch our breath before we start eh? In the meantime I will just step into these trees and er, make a call to mother nature.” He disappeared into the undergrowth. “I too, will ah, just walk over here, stretch my muscles and all that.” Lordy sidled off. “Hey guys, we should work together in this.” Jnmrcs looked up. “Guys? Guys!! You dirty bas...” > “Emerald Eyul here, on the final leg of this exciting competition! Our contestants are down to three now, and it is a simple race over a shortish distance to the finish line. Of course, it isn't that easy! The stretch of ground here is actually some of the most dangerous terrain in the world, with all manner of hideous obstacles, creatures and traps waiting!” “And it is time to vote! Just press the red button on your control wand...NOW!” >>>>>> So then. Down to three. What I need from you readers now are two things: First. Vote for who wins!! Below are the finalists. Vote for who you think deserves to come in first! Contestants, you are allowed to vote, but not for yourself! Secondly: Ideas wanted for traps, terrain, creatures and any other obstacles that may be on that stretch of ground! Don't hold back now! Remember, this is REAL BANANAS! <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Idea master Magus Extraordinaire Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 1787 Location: Sneaking Idearium into your beverages. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 8:58 am    Post subject: Well, naturally, the terrain is the most dangerous if you only do certain things with it. For example, the nine-legged spider a few chapters back was the most venomus...only if it bit you. And the yellow flower that was part of Muddy's costume was quite poisonus as well...only if you ate it. So I say that we have thousands of trees in the way (Naturally, it is a jungle after all!) that have slow acting venom in their sap. When the contestants brush up against the trees, they will naturally rub the sap off on their legs, thus causing their legs to be the first to fall, as the venom paralyzes as it goes. Also, the jungle should have a similar, but not exactly like, hive mind, like 'the place that listens'. When it detects somebody is trying to make a mad dash through the terrain, it conjures up the worst possible thing to stand in their way. Which is, naturally, a cute and fluffy kitty that is the most dangerous thing alive, for it excretes a phermone that will put you to sleep...forever. And of course, after countless eons of brush fires and whatnot, the foliage has evolved to be flame-retardant, or possibly even flame-reflectant, bouncing any and all fire (and it's progenator!) to the nearest source of water, which actually conceals the gullet of a very dangerous monster. Out of all of this (And countless other traps that other people will think up, I'm sure!) Lordy would be seen as the winner...if not for the small horde of pigmys in the way with their poison dart blowguns. They're very accuret pigmys too, they have to live off of what they kill, you know. So just for the sheer humor of it, I'll go with Jnmrcs. _________________ ...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil. ...No plans yet. Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:10 pm    Post subject: I should hope that I win, merely by virtue of all my pure comedy moments. Not only that, but I carefully eliminated the competion - locking Red out, squashing Stoat - it was all part of a cunning plan to encourage voters. Plus, I can fly. So I should win by default. Otherwise you're all rasict. Honest. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:52 pm    Post subject: I will say something like moving sand, little scorpions and of course some deep canyon that you can't see with a simple look. I'm not sure about the winning one... Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8920 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:51 am    Post subject: Episode 13 - Real Bananas! Bananaland ecology notes. (Found in the remains of the Aha university biological expedition). This region has a diverse and usually deadly set of specie that I have found nowhere else on US. Take the Giant Sucker Snake for example. An enormous beast of orange and green stripes with a body diameter as large as a mans' head. This species sucks magical energy from any target. It has a set of antenna with which it can detect magical emanations from several kilometers away. It attacks by sneaking up on its prey, distracting the meal with it's tail, upon which has a shiny bead-like affair attached to it. With giant lips it sucks the mana from the target, leaving it drained and traumatized. However large beasts here are not restricted to land. One of the most awesome creatures I have ever seen is the gigantic Banana-Roc. A relative of the famed, smaller, cousin of legend, this creature is yellow and dangerous. Extremely territorial, it protects its young by eliminating any flying creature within a huge radius. Few creatures have a chance against this beast, which is larger than any dragon. Other beasts are not as large or fancy, but are still dangerous. Take the Purple Smelly Cat for example. This medium sized purple beast hunts in packs. Delivering an odor ahead of the attack, the cats take advantage of the victims incapacitation to rend and tear it apart with razor sharp teeth. The ferocious wolf-lizard on the other hand, spits a venom which paralyzes it's prey, enabling it to eat the unlucky meal at its leisure. Unfortunately the paralysis doesn't render the victim unconscious, and they have to endure a painful death being eaten alive. It is an excellent hunter, generally remaining undetectably still in the brush. It detects it's prey by body heat, and few can evade its senses. Whilst the Wolf-lizard uses heat to detect food, the Greater Nosed Man Eating cockroach sniffs out its prey. It's nose can detect the mildest of scents, after which it will swarm forward with its many brothers and sisters to devour the hapless victim alive as it screams and flails about uselessly. > Smee chuckled to himself as he crashed through the undergrowth. “Suckers,” he said to himself. “With some magical aid I will be there before those two know what is happening.” Images of houris flitted tantalizingly through his mind as he jogged through the bush, trying to get the lay of the land. A small purple cat thing suddenly leaped down from a tree into his path. Smee stopped cold as it snarled, showing large white fangs. “Good kitty, nice kitty,” said Smee. “Look what I have for you...” There was a roar as an orange fireball jumped from his hands and engulfed the beast. The cat twitched and spasmed as the fire took hold. A few moments later there was a loud bang, and it exploded, covering the area with purple fur and red innards. “Oooh, disgusting,” Smee said, unwinding intestine from his arm. He stopped and sniffed, gagging. “Oh my word! What a stink! It is worse than Lordy after a heavy night on Old Stoat Very Peculiar!” He covered his nose with his hand and ran forward, just as another snarling cat sprang at him. Smee threw another fireball without breaking stride, and another explosion soon followed. Two more cats attacked with similar results before he could get out of the area. He paused for a moment in a small clearing to catch his breath and clean his robes. “Damned animals, they should be in cages or something. This wouldn't happen in IF oh no.” He stood up and took a deep breath. “Now, a speedup spell should do it I think.” He raised his hands into spell casting position and then stopped. Something shiny sparkled in the underbrush. “Hello, what have we here then?” He stepped forward to investigate, looking closer. The shiny thing bobbed up and down. “Wait a minute! What am I thinking?” There was noise from behind, and he turned just in time to see an enormous pair of orange and green lips heading straight at him. He had just enough time to scream.... > Lordy chuckled to himself as he stretched his wings and leaped into the air. “Suckers,” he said to himself. “With my wings I will be there before those other two have even started.” He flapped vigorously, gaining height. Looking down he could just make out Jnmrcs entering the jungle. Ahead the blue light pierced the sky. “Ah, my ticket home,” he said, in a good mood. Something caught his attention. Some kind of bat like creature flying below him. “Why not?” he said to himself, “I am in no real rush.” Swooping down he dived upon the poor animal, snapping it up in one gulp as he powered upwards again. “MMMm! Tasty! Hello?” A shadow had fallen over him. Peering upwards into a clear blue sky Lordy was puzzled for a moment. The mystery was abruptly solved as a racious cry, loud enough to partly deafen him, came from his six.. Looking back Lordy cried out in consternation as a gargantuan form plunged towards him, a cave-like mouth open, ready to swallow him as he had just done to the bat-thing a moment ago. “Ship!*” he said, and powered away to the right, evading the huge craw by a fraction. He didn't evade the body though, and a wing the size of a village sent him tumbling through the air. He recovered, shaking his head to try and re-orientate himself, hovering for a moment to get his bearings. The hovering was a mistake. Before he could do anything about it, the gigantic yellow bird sucked him in, engulfing the demon and swallowing him whole. Lordy was catapulted down a cavernous throat and into a stomach that could have housed a small town. He landed with a splash in a small sea of disgusting colored stomach acid, though the shade of putrid green was the least of his concerns. There was a moment of silence and then the surface erupted as the demon rocketed upwards out of the caustic liquid. He managed to snag hold of the lining and held himself there with his claws. “Ohh, gross! I have been eaten!” He looked around. “Fine. If that is how you want to play it.” He opened his mouth and took a bite of stomach wall... *Or something like that. > “Bastards,” thought Jnmrcs. “Those two will be well away before I even get going.” He tripped over a protruding root and landed in a large hole, coating himself in slimy mud. “Arrg!” He said, thrashing about in an attempt to escape, which only served to cover himself more thoroughly. It took him several minutes to crawl clear, looking like some sort of strange mudman. With a deep sigh he stood up and promptly banged his head on a low branch. “Dammit!” Rubbing his head he staggering onwards, following a narrow trail. He never saw the half wolf, half lizard thing sat in the trees to the side. Fortunately, the mud he had rolled in masked his heat signature, and the monster similarly failed to see him. Plodding on, muttering to himself under his breath, Jnmrcs stumbled into a clearing. He immediately grabbed at his nose as the foul stench that permeated the area assaulted his nostrils. He ran forward but slipped on a piece of charred liver, which sent him catapulting head fist into the barbecued remains of a Purple Smelly Cat. Standing up, Jnmrcs stood still for a moment, and then threw up. Still retching, he staggered forward into the trees. Covered in mud, vomit and the remains of boiled cat, he walked past a small mound. Luckily for him the smell covered his own scent, or he would have been immediately dined upon by a swarm of flesh eating roaches. “Why is this happening to me?” he cried, climbing a small hill. He reached the top and looked up. There, over a stretch of rocky ground, the blue search light penetrated the sky. Trying not to smell himself, Jnmrcs stepped out towards it, half falling, half crawling he scrabbled onwards, towards the light... > The trees swayed gently in the mild breeze. Undisturbed except for a small sabre-toothed rabbit, hopping along and minding it's own business. There was a crash, and Smee burst through the leaves. He staggered forward and tripped over the rabbit, who, after a brief warning snarl, bobbed away. Smee sat on the grass and panted. He had barely managed to get away from the giant snake. It had taken all of his cunning and half of his magic just to do so. He looked up. There, over short patch of rocky ground was the finishing light! He was still in with a chance! Standing uncertainly, he wobbled onwards, and only then spotted another figure some distance away. Though the form was covered in mud, it had the definite shape of Jnmrcs. Smee clenched his fists. He wouldn't be beaten! Summoning his remaining power, he opened his mouth to begin an incantation that would neutralize his rival, and that was when Lordy landed on him. > Emerald Eyul here viewers, at the finish line for Real Bananas! Just over there we can see Smee and Lordy, who appear to be having a slight altercation. Perhaps Smee is upset because he nice jumpsuit now has stomach slime all over it.” “In the meantime here comes... Is that Jnmrcs under that mud, vomit and entrails? Yes! Yes it surely is! Jnmrcs wins the Real Bananas challenge! Congratulations Jnmrcs! Your er... arg, shower awaits! We will interview you once you have been de-contaminated. ~Turns to look at camera orbs again~ “Well, that's it for Real Bananas folks. We hope you enjoyed the show. Who knows? Maybe there will be a sequel one day, but for now, this is Emerald Eyul and this has been..." Real Bananas! >>> Smee and Lordy sat on a rock, gloomily watching the transport fly away. “See what you did now?” said Smee, picking dried Roc meat off his jumpsuit. “Me?? Why is it my fault? Though I do thank you for cushioning my fall. I lost it for a while there.” Smee looked up. “So then. Any idea on which way IF is?” Lordy licked a claw and held it up to the breeze. “That way,” he said. “Come on then. We have a way to go.” The two figures hauled themselves to their feet, and started walking into the sunset, bickering all the while. End. >>>>>> There you have it folks. Jnmrcs takes the prize. Sorry this wasn't as humorous as the previous eps, I am not in a very funny mood just now, but I wanted to get it finished. Jnmrcs' trophy will soon be in Chinaren's Hall of Heroes. In the meantime, don't touch that dial... <<<<<< _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Argonaut Mercenary Artist Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 344 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:22 pm    Post subject: It may not have been as silly but I liked it anyway. Especially the way Jnmrcs accidentally avoided all the dangers:) Back to top Author LordoftheNight Revered IFian Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5287 Location: Hell Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 3:41 pm    Post subject: I'm just happy I got a soft landing. Plus a good snack. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom. Ave Dominus Nox A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi Blood Bowl Scraping the Barrel A Tale of Four Swords Passion Back to top Author jnmrcs Builder Joined: 30 Apr 2005 Posts: 1274 Location: Puerto Rico, Soy Boricua pa' q tu lo sepas... Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 3:53 pm    Post subject: Very interesting method to do things. I like it. Back to top Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First         Storygames Home -> The Vault All times are GMT - 8 Hours Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next Page 1 of 9 Jump to: Select a forum Info Street - FAQs and Guides to the City----------------IF Technical Institute and FAQIFquirerWriter's Academy City Central----------------City AuditoriumOpen ForumThe City!The Market BizarreHall of DebateAdvertisement BoardAuditorium ArchivesOpen Forum Archives The Fantasy Forest - Fantasy Storygames----------------Storygames: FantasyMature Fantasy StorygamesThe Children of LeyondIs this Me?The Funny Bone: Jokes and Humorous PicsTempora CrepusculiSparkleStepsFantasy Tales of IF Skiffiville - Science Fiction and Experimental SGs----------------Storygames: Scifi and ExperimentalMature Sci-Fi StorygamesHeavy MetalSymphony's RequiemSector 17Heavy Metal v2 Manor of the Macabre - Horror, Mystery, and Suspense----------------Storygames: Horror, Mystery and SuspenseMature Horror StorygamesThe Hidden Crime Reality Road - General Fiction SGs----------------Storygames - General FictionMature General Fiction Linear Lane - Linear stories, Critiques and writing competitions.----------------Linear DistrictMature Linear TalesLinear LibraryCritique Corner.Writers' ArenaShort Story Avenue Multiverse - CYOA-style Interactive Stories----------------How to create your CYOA Interactive StoryMultiverse Stories Role Player's Den----------------Role Playing Announcements and General InformationMature Role PlayingRole Play Rules and RequestsOne-On-One Role PlaysGroup Role PlaysFan Fiction Role PlaysOut of Character Discussion Threads Word Game Way----------------Fun with words! Artistic Avenue - Poetry and Member Art----------------Poetry PalaceMature PoetryArt GalleryMature Art Gallery Stasis Hall - Completed or archived Storygames----------------The Wheel - The White QueenElection Oct 10The Archer's QuestThe Magician's TouchThe Wheel - The Fish That WalkedRunThe Wheel - The RamThe Wheel - The Machine's DaughterThe Wheel - The Twin PrinceIndelibleTrade WindowsThe 2009 IFYsThe WeatherwardenGrim ReapingEterna FamiliaMayoral Election April 2011The HuntGalleons of the StarsRhapsody in BlueDoors to the TruthWrathBarry the NormalConversations With a Dead FriendBittersweet ReverieElection October 09InterFable Stories - A Vampire's Quest - COMPLETEInterFable Stories - Bushido - COMPLETEInterFable Stories - When Stories Travel TogetherMayoral Election May 2012Election Oct 2011ArenaThe Time BeforeBattle to the End - Start Here!Battle to the End - The Master of Illusion and LightElection March 09Battle to the End - SpellsingerBattle to the End - Yahoo: Mind over MagicElection March 2013A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo LupiTruthseeker - COMPLETEPirates, Vampires, and Ninjas, Oh My!Virtual - COMPLETEFinite Cosmos - COMPLETESheerluck Holmes - COMPLETESojourner's Journey - COMPLETEAbduction!Beyond the Horn - COMPLETEShadows of the MindIFY Awards 2007Good vs Evil vs money!Heroes Never PanicNo Good Deed...Tired of Death - COMPLETEThe Greatest Fantasy Story EverPillboxDear Dotty.First against the WallScrapyard - On holdLords and LadiesFabled Island - COMPLETEConfession Box - COMPLETEUnderdark - COMPLETEA Glass Friendship - COMPLETEElection Oct 08ElvendorAvarice - COMPLETEVengeance - COMPLETEThe Dark - COMPLETEThe Endless WallTo Pass a TorchRise of ShadowsThe ArchivesThe IFY 2006 ArchiveElection Apr 08Election Oct 07Election Apr 07Election Oct 06Election Apr 06The Vault  You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum

	Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group. Forum design by mtechnik, customized by City of IF All site content © City of IF or the respective storygame authors.   Terms of use Home   Book   Storygames   FAQ   Greek myth   About   Policies

string(221) "INSERT INTO phpbb_slow_page_loads (session_id, slow_url, seconds_taken, date_time_page_called) VALUES ('2ae6f7953de1521f2403ce7238bd8d76', 'www.cityofif.com/forum/test/viewalltopic.php?start=0&t=1930', 1.41, '2026-11-13')"