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Chinaren
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 Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:03 am Post subject: First Against the Wall. Section 12 - Friends and Enemies. |
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I was so taken with Powers That Be's Dear Dotty it has inspired me to start a new storygame, shamelessly based on the writings of 'Dotty' thus far.
There may be some chance to 'follow' Powers thread and story line, or not. We will see how things turn out.
In the meantime, please read and enjoy!
Last edited by Chinaren on Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:48 pm; edited 25 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:07 am Post subject: The First Against the Wall. (Working title) |
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The First Against the Wall.
Section 1. Code 548 dash a.
Gallows pulled out his Corrector and thumbed the setting to ‘pacify’. Across the doorway Grimm did the same and then nodded at Gallows.
The two officers were in one of the many thousands of housing blocks in the city of New Athens. The hallway, like pretty much any hallway in these blocks, was painted a neutral pale yellow designed to be soothing to the eye. It needed decorating badly. Paint peeled back from the walls, door designations were faded and the overhead lighting flickered and buzzed. Trash lined the floor, and Gallows booted foot trod on an empty can of “Soothe’ as he moved forward.
Grimm hit a button on his belt pad and the corridor lights immediately turned a dull red. A recorded voice boomed out of hidden speakers in the floor and inside the apartments.
“Good citizens! Please do not be alarmed! Some of our hard working Correctional officers are performing the Leader’s will in this area. Please moved to the designated Standing Zone in your apartment and await the all-clear. Remember: The Leader loves you.”
The recording paused for a moment and then started again. Gallows waited the prescribed minute before opening the door to apartment 56b-aaa2. Covered by Grimm he strode into the small apartment.
Standing in the yellow circle of the Standing Zone was a middle aged couple and their pretty teenage daughter, about 15. A half eaten meal was on the dining area table. The smell of artificial chicken and rice wafted over to the officers’ nose.
Gallows swung the Corrector around the apartment in standard fashion. The detection light glowed green though, and he relaxed a little. “Clear!” he shouted over his shoulder, and Grimm entered the room holstering his weapon.
Gallows turned his attention to the small family. The parents were clinging to each other and their daughter, worried expressions on their faces. ‘As well they might be’ though Gallows as he went through the standard speech:
“Citizens. Do not be alarmed. We are Leader authorized officers from the Correctional and Educational department. We are here with Leader’s blessing under CE code 548 dash a. You are required to co-operate and obey our directives which are sanctioned by the Leader.”
Grimm strode forward as the father spoke out in a worried tone. “What is the problem officers? We are a loyal family, devoted to the Leader and the State. We are scrupulous in our following of The Book…”
“We have information to the contrary Citizen.” Grimm stated interrupting the man. He approached the girl and drew out his pad, scanning the ID-tag on her arm with it. Information flashed up which confirmed the target. He turned to the father and repeated the process with him and the mother. Satisfied he addressed the father. Gallows held onto his Corrector, if there was going to be trouble it would be coming shortly.
“Austin d66 Rainer. You are hereby charged under CE code 548 dash a subsection 13, ‘Father’s duties’. To wit: Failure to ensure your offspring’s stipulated medications are taken, resulting in her unsanctioned and illegal fornication with a non-approved male, to wit: One Arnold f555 Steadson aged 16, address withheld. You are to accompany me to the CE department where correctional education measures will be taken. The girl’s chaperone has already been executed for failure to do her duty.”
The mother had burst into tears at this statement. The father had gone white and then turned to look at his daughter, who was red in the face and looking at the floor. “You… you…” he struggled for breath. “With Arnold? You know we banned you from seeing him! He lives on the 3rd floor for Leader’s sake! What did you think you were doing?”
Gallows stepped forward and pulled him away. D66 Rainer limply allowed him to guide him out of the Standing Zone and apply the force cuffs. Grimm turned to the mother.
“Mrs Rainer, your marriage to Austin is now nullified under CE code 548 dash a subsection 44. You will be sent a list of approved husband candidates within the week. Please choose wisely this time.”
“Wh.. What will happen to Nancy?” sobbed the mother, still holding onto her daughter.
“Having shown unusual and abnormal sexual tendencies she will be sent to one of the Leader’s sanctioned brothels for testing. Should she meet the requirements she will be assigned a duty, length would be determined after testing, to produce offspring to contribute to the Leader’s One Three Five program.”
“Oh my god!” the mother whispered.
Gallows stepped forward. “That sort of language will not help you Ms Rainer. Where is your other offspring?”
The newly divorced Ms Rainer shook her head. “We… we only have Nancy.”
Grimm made a face. “Typical! I am half minded to run you in for a check-over. A healthy woman with only one child? Yet I bet you are first in line for Leader sanctioned food stamps!”
He turned back to Gallows. “Do you want to take the father in? There is another call near here which should only need one of us.”
Gallows looked at the still sobbing mother and daughter, then back to the father. “Let me see…” he said.
>>>>
Bit of a lame decision point perhaps but hey, just an initial taster chapter. Suggestions comments and all that please!
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:19 am Post subject: |
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| Interesting start. I think they should stick together.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:34 am Post subject: |
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yet another story chinaren?
i think they should follow the Book - or if no advice is given about procedures such as this they should stick together, as it would appear they are assigned together
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:47 am Post subject: |
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Nice start.
They should be together, just in case.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:10 am Post subject: |
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Wow, that was excellently written. I love eerie sci-fi with horrible leaders.....*reads Philip K. Dick*
Anyway, I think that one of them should go and investigate. You never know what could be waiting.
I want more already!
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
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Chinaren
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 1:06 am Post subject: |
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Excellent new story Chinaren. It's still clearly your writing, but with a completely different mood to your other stories. Nice to read. 
I've voted for them to stick together - Go with Grimm back to the station with the prisoner.
Happy Writing. 
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:56 am Post subject: |
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Voted to do other call on his own....
And created a tie...he he, sorry 
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
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Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:59 am Post subject: |
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| Voted to stick together.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:32 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | Excellent new story Chinaren. It's still clearly your writing, but with a completely different mood to your other stories. |
Aye, I thought I would do something a little diff, just for a change. I'll leave the poll up a while longer to give others the chance to vote, and to figure out what is going to happen next...
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:36 am Post subject: |
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Good stuff, Chin. I voted earlier, thought I'd replied, but obviously I didn't.
Your sig's going to start reading like the Yellow Pages soon!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:45 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Your sig's going to start reading like the Yellow Pages soon |
Thanks SS. I can't fit any more in there actually, I keep getting 'Your sig is too long' messages. I didn't want to start another story really, but this one was just pulling at me...
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:03 am Post subject: |
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I wish it didn't count BBCode in the lenght 
If you add more stories I think your going to be stuck just putting names and not links.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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| I voted...
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:39 am Post subject: Section 2. Field procedure. |
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Section 2. Field procedure.
{removed}
>>>>>
Okay, I didn’t mean for it to turn into a cop show, but I needed to do something after you lot voted for them to stay together! Gah! Talk about contrary! 
Anyway, suggestions and so forth for Gallows…?
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:54 am Post subject: |
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Hey Chinaren,
Great chapter.
| Quote: | | Okay, I didn’t mean for it to turn into a cop show, but I needed to do something after you lot voted for them to stay together! Gah! Talk about contrary! |
Nice to see you having to work for a change.
Maybe he could drive the car between Grimm and the bullets. The armour should give you enough time to get Grimm in the car and away - preferably very high.
Happy Writing.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 5:07 am Post subject: |
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Wait in the car is the best he could do for now...
Nice chapter.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:43 am Post subject: |
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| I suppose he should stay in the car but trying to drive between the fighters might work.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:48 am Post subject: |
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Woo, nice chapter Chin!
I think that because he can't see anything, getting out of the car at this point would be rather stupid, so he should wait and see if the situation changes. He shouldn't call for backup though (that would be really dumb)
Keep it coming!
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 6:16 am Post subject: Section 3. Department 7. |
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Section 3. Department 7.
{removed}
>>>>
Well, what course should Gallows follow? Should he come clean about the incident earlier and risk punishment, or should he keep quiet and hope it will not be uncovered? Perhaps he could work with Department 7?
What do you think?
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 6:33 am Post subject: |
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it depends how the system works
is there supposed to be complete loyalty to the leader, or are your superiors extensions of the leader and you should be loyal to them also.
in the first case he should tell them, in the second he should not
and it could always be a test
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Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:03 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm. Who to trust, what to do... 
For the moment, tell Department 7 what they want to hear. Tell them you'll work with them.
Then, once they're gone, you need to find out everything you can about Department 7. Whether it really works for the leader, whether there are any records you can look up, whether it even exists at all! It will probably be difficult, especially as you won't want to talk to your partners about it. If they exist, though, there should be something to SAY they exist!.
Then, once you know more, you can make a more informed decision. 
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:46 am Post subject: |
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An interesting chapter and decision point. An officer doing his job doesn't sound like the sort of thing that their interested in so it would probably be best to not mention the incident.
I agree with Stoat that we should find out what we can about Department 7 when they leave.
It might be worth asking what their looking for so that we can know what to watch for. It might prove enlightening.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:11 am Post subject: Re: Section 3. Department 7. |
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| chinaren wrote: |
And now the weather, which has been programmed by today’s lucky winner of the weather lottery; x909 Scannier from block…” |
He he, nice little tidbit!
Nice chapter, the plot thickens....
I think that staying quiet and playing along would be the safest course of action at the moment; he knows very little about what Grimm or Department 7 are up to, so until he can shed more light on the situation, he should just keep his nose to the pavement.
Keep it coming Chinaren, absolutely loving it! :biggrin:
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:35 am Post subject: |
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Loving it too - but then again it's the same with all your damn stories.
Play along and get out of there. Find out what you can about dept 7, and I'm going to risk it and say talk to your partner about it as well. If you're going to join a side, join his.
Happy Writing
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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We need some sort of 'double poll' option! Anyway, poll up, but if you have other suggestions keep it coming!
I thought I had already polled this one. Hey ho.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 4:15 am Post subject: |
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Your sure busy catching up on all these stories 
Voted
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Ingrothechundyer wrote: | Your sure busy catching up on all these stories
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Well, I write them at home, but I can only post in the office (for now).
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:16 am Post subject: |
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Voted my evil friend!! 
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:50 am Post subject: Section 4. Authorized Romance. |
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Section 4 - Authorized Romance.
{removed}
>>>>>>>
Just to clarify something here: Gallows is in the middle of his date, which in this society is part of a well defined structure. To break this date without very good reason would be a black mark against him. He could ask Jane to go along, try and make an excuse, perhaps rush off and say he will meet her at the restaurant. Of course, anything else you can think of!
Ideas?
Sorry for the rather unexciting chapter, I am not feeling too well at the moment.
<<<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:07 am Post subject: |
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well then - my turn to scold - get better quickly as you said - "Can't let a little bit of plauge keep you down"
and onto the story - i think he should stay where he is, he's already told his superiors about Grimm's activities, and helping him now would not only be an offence against him, but it could implicate him futher in whatever Grimm's up to
he obviously doesn't want to get mixed up in any criminal schemes, so I think he would remain where he is
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:24 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | well then - my turn to scold - get better quickly as you said - "Can't let a little bit of plauge keep you down" |
hehe. I knew that was going to come around and bite me in the ass one day! 
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:49 am Post subject: |
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I think he's got to work with this guy for at least a little while. Anything he does to help Grimm out could be justified right now as 'gaining further information' for the Dept 7 officials.
He can't afford to implicate himself too much though. I suggest straddling the fence and trying to be in both places at once. Make an excuse to Jane, try and bail Grimm out of whatever trouble he's in, then make it back to the restaurant, hopefully in time to cause her as little distress as possible.
(Got a cloning machine? I get the feeling he's going to need one!)
Great chapter Chins, you're really getting him into deep doo-doo
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:17 am Post subject: |
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I'm loving it Chinaren! What an interesting, and scary, world you have created!
*shiver*
Anyway, I think that he needs to do something to help Grimm, either because he is starting to feel that something is up and anything he can report to Department 7 would be useful, or because he genuinely beleives Grimm is sincere, so I think going to help him would be the bast course of action, for whatever route he takes.
Bringing Jane is probably not a good idea (unless she turns out to be some amazing soldier discharged and then entered civilain life to escape the 'horrors of war' ), so he should make up an excuse; that he left the gas on (or the equivalent in this dystopian future) or something, then hurry back to salvage his date with her.
Keep it up! Can't wait for the next chapter! :biggrin:
*Holds breath*
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:02 am Post subject: |
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Hey,
Don't apologise for the unexciting chapter. I enjoy reading about the detail of this story, it's a rich idea and this was interesting.
I liked the mentions of the 'big brother' type additions to life - the approved restaurants, enterting his location before leaving home, the whole dating scenario.
Plus the decision point more than makes up for any percieved lack of excitement.
Regardless of whether Jane makes a complaint I suspect Dept 7 are going to find out that you ditched the date, so if we do decide to go after Grimm then we need to have a story. Unless of course Grimm isn't doing anything against the leader and therefore we can just tell the truth.
However, as you've explained, a date isn't something that is left easily though - so do we do it? Grimm has made it pretty clear that he wants us to pull out all stops to help him, and earlier he hadn't wanted us to endanger ourselves more than necessary by staying in the car. He wouldn't be asking unless he was desperate.
Explain to Jane that you need to go and do something urgent for work. It may be quick, so suggest she has one more drink in the bar and then head over to the restuarant where he'll hope to meet her. If it is going to take longer then he can phone/contact her to let her know.
Happy Writing.
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Chinaren
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:46 am Post subject: |
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I've voted for make an excuse and meet at the restaurant later.
However - I want to tell the truth, not make up an excuse. It's not like there is a need to lie here - something important HAS occured at work, and he HAS to attend to it. Why make up some feeble excuse when the truth will do?
Happy Writing.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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If we agree with Smee; that we want him to tell her the truth (as much of it as we know), should we vote for 'make up an excuse and tell her to meet at the restaurant'?
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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Lol, voted for that anyway.... 
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, make an excuse took it. I will get to work on it as soon as I can think of something to write!!
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Warmaster Daizo
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Based on what I've read so far, I think his best option is to just tell Jane that his boss required his assistance(which would be reasonable enough to not leave a black mark on his record), try and meet her at the restaurant, and then report the event to Department 7.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 2:44 am Post subject: 5. Plot. |
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Section 5. Plot.
{removed}
>>>>>>>>>>
What should Gallows do? He can let the man go, pretend to stop him even, or he could try and take him down for real? If what D7 has said is true, the assassin will just see him as another officer.
Ideas, suggestions and all that good stuff…
<<<<<<<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 3:05 am Post subject: |
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Tougher and tougher decision points here, China! I'm liking it!
I think sooner or later we're going to have to pick a side. Personally, I'm going to go for sooner. So, here it is
Would Department 7, knowing that there's a plot against their glorious leader, appoint a complete rookie as their agent in this matter?
Wouldn't there be anyone more experience they could put their trust in?
I just can't make it fly. They've picked him because he's young and idealistic and gullible and he's got a chance of doing anything they want him to do. I think he should act in the way that a good Police Officer would act, then explain his reasoning (or take his punishment/alteration) later.
Shoot the assassin. Bring him down - but alive, so he can be questioned.
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 3:43 am Post subject: |
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Excellent chapter. I beginning to struggle over which I prefer, this one or Sector 507 - you certainly get some intriguing plots when you are being serious*.
Well, I like Stoat's idea, but only on the basis that the assassin isn't Grimm (we haven't been told yet). It seems to me the assassin wouln't pause like he has unless he recognises Gallows. After killing a sub-leader why not add a lowly police officer to the list! He must have paused for a reason.
However, if it's just surprise at the police being there so quickly then I think Gallows needs to follow Stoat's plan. The last thing he wants is to be explaining to his bosses that he didn't arrest the assasin because some stranger told him not to.
Department 7 (if they are real) will have to learn to explain themselves better, and through more official channels in such a regulation controlled city.
Happy Writing
*rare I know
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 5:10 am Post subject: |
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Yay, very cool chapter Chinaren! :biggrin:
I reckon that if it is Grimm, then he shouldn't shoot, even to stop. He seems to have taken to Grimm, despite his apparent illegal doings so would be hesitant to shoot; and not shooting will keep him in the good books of Department 7 (wheter he wants to or not ).
If it isn't Grimm, I F5 Smee and Shady; shooting, but preferably not to kill. Department 7 be damned, his ingrained devotion to the leader will over-rule the orders from Department 7, no matter how intimidating they are  .
Me want more!
*holds breath*
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 5:32 am Post subject: |
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Very nice chapter China
I agree with Shady. He should take down and arrest the assin and explain his reasoning later if needed. He has absolultly no proof that the stranger wasn't part of the plot trying to make sure it went over smoothly.
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Warmaster Daizo
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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Adrenaline rush, and basic instinct:
-Pistol whip on the head
-Disarm and bind
-Attend to the Sub-Leader
However, it is apparent that the sight of the assassin's face triggered some sort of emotional response in Gallows, or vice versa. The preferable choice, assuming we have Gallows' best interests at heart, is for Gallows to simply turn to the Sub-Leader and allow the assassin to escape, fulfilling both his orders from Department 7 and his consciencious need to protect the Sub-Leader.
It would, of course, be interesting if the assassin is Grimm, but that is too predictable given the information we have.
Perhaps the assassin is a relative, like a brother to Gallows. The situation would put Gallows into a state of mild shock, giving the assassin time to escape.
I remember reading something about clones; what if the assassin is a clone of the Sub-Leader, and Department 7 is at heart preparing for some sort of coup?
Intrigue? What if the assassin is a clone of Gallows?
More intrigue? What if the assassin is Jane?
Last edited by Warmaster Daizo on Tue Feb 07, 2006 8:16 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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Hello Warmaster! Welcome to the story, and thanks for the comments.
Indeed, thank-you all for your comments, I love this site!
Smee
| Quote: | | you certainly get some intriguing plots when you are being serious |
It's strange, when it comes to Fantasty Narg* is about as serious as I can get, I don't know why. Yet for Sci-fi I struggle to write humour. Strange. I will try and think of a 'serious' fantasy...
*Which btw, I am looking for a second to nominate for SGotM!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:25 am Post subject: |
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It's not Grimm.
I wasn't thinking about him recognising the person, but you lot have got me thinking. So now he might!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:09 am Post subject: |
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Polls up then.
I put *attempt* to shoot/arrest in the poll, on the assumption the perp wouldn't go quietly.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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Went for the 1st one. :biggrin:
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 7:07 am Post subject: Section 6. Arrest. |
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Section 6. Arrest.
{removed}
>>>>>>
Deeper and deeper. So, bearing in mind Grimm says he only has a couple of minutes, what should Gallows do?
I am not going to suggest anything here, let’s hear what you all have to say!
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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I meant to reply to this one as I read it, then got distracted.
Whichever way he turns, Gallows gets deeper immersed in the plot. Very intriguing.
If we've only got 2 minutes, ask him what he knows about Department 7. I don't think he'll do what Grimm wants unless he knows a GREAT deal more about what's going on around him than he does presently. Grimm must be desperate to ask him for so much when he's prepared to give so little. Either that, or he assumes Gallows is too stupid to resist him.
Either way, 2 minutes is unlikely to be enough. He needs to refuse this one unless something truly startling comes out of his questioning.
Another good chapter Chiny
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:11 am Post subject: |
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Wahey! Nice chapter. Was wating for this one!
I think that things are getting out of hand for Gallows. He has messed up the date with Jane, he has messed up his relationship with department 7 (or it looks like he has). So with that in mind, I reckon that Gallows is going to start thinking he hasn't got much to lose, so helping Grimm will hopefully shed some light on what on earth is going on. He should agree, but as Shady said, 2 minutes if not very long, so he needs some more info. So he should demand to know what the hell is going on and threaten to go to the authorities if Grimm doesn't tell him. A threat like that, especially under the tense circumstances, should hopefully get Grimm talking.
Can't wait for the next installment! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:17 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter.
Grimm is definately asking too much here. With no information he expects us to kill a subleader! Everyone will know it's us, the only one left along with him. How can he expect us to risk so much because he asks? If he wants us to risk so much then he can afford to risk more by staying longer and explaining himself better.
Information on Department 7 is vital - are they on the same side, or against? However we also need the evidence he has against this subleader and information why it's necesary to kill him and not just arrest him.
Otherwise it's a No from me - too much of a risk.
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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The time has most definitely come for Gallows to start asking many questions.
Why would Gowel want to kill the Leader? ...how could he do so in secret?
What is Department 7(...Grimm may know what the deal with them is)?
Who discovered Gowel's intent? ...how did he/she discover it?
How reliable is the discoverer?
How many othe C&E officers are involved?
What do they know about the assassination of Rowel? ...about the cover-up?
Who are the individuals in the video? -this may lead to Gallows' conversion.
Most importantly, Gallows needs to know how his former partner fits into everything that has happened, who exactly is after him, and why.
In order to convince Gallows, Grimm needs to give proof; otherwise Gallows will just turn him in.
Trying to arrest the subleader is not an option: a man in that position is simply too powerful. Along these lines, depending on how the Leader and Sub-Leaders are determined, Gowel might have enough support among other Sub-Leaders, or even more treasured, among the military, to lead a coup. Like Hitler, Gowel may be able to demonstrate that the Leader was secretly working against the common good, or working towards some sort of atrocity, thereby justifying his actions.
The new chapter also suggests that Department 7 may be a task force responding directl to Sub-Leader Gowel, much like the 501st Legion responds directly to Darth Vader.
Grimm implies that the plot by Gowel was discovered by a group of officers rather than a single officer who managed to gather help, the important question here is how such a thing was possible.
The video... the video.... Perhaps it is a meeting between Gowel and a rebel leader? My speculation ends there.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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Excellent comments Warmaster!
You have a twisted and devious mind. I like it! 
I think the poll is going to be a question that Gallows will ask Grimm, as that seems to be the general concensus on the next step.
The Warmaster has some good ones, I will wait a while more though before I put up a poll.
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Warmaster Daizo
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | | You have a twisted and devious mind. |
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:55 am Post subject: |
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Right, poll is up, though I suspect I know what the result will be.
Vote away amigos.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 5:06 am Post subject: |
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| Oops. I appear to have voted with my taxation-hat on. Sorry 'bout that Chinaren (and everyone else who thinks that the treasury shouldn't be getting involved in storygames about dictatorships ). Just count it as Shady's vote
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 5:15 am Post subject: |
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Voted for demanding more information, as it seems the most sensible approach to such a demanding request.
*holds breath*
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:31 am Post subject: |
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Well, it seems that we have a clear winner here. I will start writing the next chapter as soon as poss, but my notes are on my PC, and that is currently inert.
Also, I hate typing on this PC. It is set up to change into Chinese when I press the SHIFT key on its own. I mean, who thought of that one? Couldn't have picked a key that is used a bit more eh? How about the SPACE key, or maybe the letter 'e'? Another great idea from China. 
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 9:23 am Post subject: |
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ROFL!! Sounds like a quality product there Chinaren. Shame none of us read Chinese (properly)...
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 9:28 pm Post subject: Section 7. Low levels. |
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Section 7. Low levels.
{removed}
>>>>>>
A long overdue chapter y’all, with a bit of action. So, what should he do now?
Suggestions pleeeese.
<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:59 am; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:05 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter. At least all he got was demotion - and a fair bit more information to go with it
Right. Who to follow?
Well, if you catch up with department 7, what are you going to do about it? They are 'apparently' on the side of the government, you can't confront them, you can't demand answers. You can't really do anything but attempt to arrest them for shooting at him, at which point they'll say that Gallows is still alive and one of their agents is down, and probably take him in for murder of a soldier of our Glorious Leader.
Go for the other side. You might get some answers that way
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 2:17 am Post subject: |
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Well worth the wait Chinaman, good chapter.
And, as Stoat was saying, going after Dept. 7 is probably not the best of ideas, as they are likely just going to arrest you or worse, and as we do not seem to know who the other attackers were, then going after them could reveal some more information. And, armed with a trusty colt he can start acting all Clint-y, so that should be fun! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:58 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Chinaren.
I've voted with everyone else - D7 are just going to make life difficult and from the video you know they're already involved. We need information from the otherside.
Happy Writing
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Added my vote to the majority
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 7:09 am Post subject: |
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Voted.
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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Okay then. I will get on the next chapter in the coming few days. Thanks for voting all.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 12:22 am Post subject: |
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Good chapter again - no surprises there
OK, he needs to play it cool - or, rather, bemused. He's a hick officer who's just been invited to a party that's way above his social standing. All of that is probably just to put him off balance in one way or another.
So - tell the sub-leader how grateful you are for being allowed to this party. Say what an honour it is. Act a little nervous, wondering what you've done to be afforded such an honour.
Try not to ask how you can repay such an honour though. He might just answer and dig you an even deeper hole than you're in at the moment!
If he knows something, it's probably already too late to save yourself. The best chance is innocence mingled with a fair chunk of stupidity
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 1:25 am Post subject: |
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Good chapter Chinny,
I think the stoat has obviously been invited to several such parties before - good thoughts there. Play dumb is definately the way forward until we learn more.
We needs to gather what info we can before our 'education' tomorrow with the rebels. Then finally we might get some answers that will allow us to piece together what's going on.
However, I think things are getting too risky to rely on home being safe. During the education (if we get that far after tonight) we need to ask for some protection from D7 otherwise we're likely to be silenced before we can be a lot of use.
Gripping story Chinaren, keep it coming.
Happy Writing
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:25 am Post subject: |
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| Stoat's right again. Playing dumb seems like an excellent idea for now. And don't ask how you can repay the privlage
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, don't let on about anything. Though I doubt he'd really need to act nervous.
Gallows needs to cultivate all the support he can get right now, caught up in a world of intrigue he really doesn't understand who is who, or even which side he's fighting for. His best bet is to play all the sides against each other, finding out as much as he can from each but without commiting to any of them.
If he lets the Sub-Leader know that he's been contacted by D7, or has possibly committed acts against the Leader without knowing it, he can only really land himself in deeper trouble than playing it cool. Unless of course the Sub-Leader is merely testing him, trying to determine how honest he is to a superior, in which case he's probably a bit f*cked.*
*I mean very.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:38 am Post subject: |
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I'm loving this one China, probably my favourite of your current stories! Gripping plot.
I noticed a couple of things:
| Quote: | | except the Leaders’ of course |
This doesn't sound like a very realistic thing to add. I think it would sound more realistic, and frantic, if it was just 'except the leader'.
| Quote: | | I thought the Rebels were a couple of amateurs |
I think you meant 'bunch' here; as couple implies that there are only about two rebels. Which may be the case....
I agree with acting innocent and ignorant. Stoat hit the nail on the head with that suggestion. I don't think that there would be much else he could say without fear of revealing something the SL may or may not already know. Best to play it cool, for the moment. And get back to Jane, to stop her from over eating! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
P.S. Do you want me to delete the poll for you?
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 4:32 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the comments Soily, them's the type I like.
For the first one, mmm. I think I will leave it. I put in the 'of course' to emphasize the 'slip' he made. Meh. It could go either way.
For the 'couple', he said that to try and stress how little the State (officially) thinks of the rebels.
and please, delete the poll!
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:00 am Post subject: |
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Poll deleted!
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 2:59 am Post subject: |
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Right, poll is up. I added another option as well, two looked kind of lonely.
Get thee voting sinners!
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 10:21 am Post subject: |
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Voted voted voted! *I actually voted as well today! So empowering!* :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 1:41 am Post subject: Section 9. Meetings. |
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Section 9. Meetings.
{removed}
>>>>>>
So, caught in a dodgy kissing shop run by rebels! What’s an officer to do?
<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:36 am Post subject: |
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Good plot development there. Another great chapter - no suprises there
Caught in an illegal kissing booth is probably bad news. I have a couple of thoughts though.
Would it be possible for Gallows to find that mechanism that turned him around last time? If so, he might be able to take refuge from the police officers until they've had their raid, and slip out quietly afterwards.
Or, if he draws his weapon and tries to look official, he might actually be able to slip by one of them as they do their sweep, and make it to the exit before running to safety.
That's all I've got for now
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:54 am Post subject: |
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Oh dear - that's most unfortunate.
Gallows really is being unlucky recently.
He is a correctional officer though, he knows the drill - is it possible he could pretend he'd been working undercover to see just how bad this place was, and begin helping with the other officers? Maybe grab the nearest person and begin 'processing' them?
Either that or Stoat's idea of finding the spinning chair lever.
Good chapter
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:20 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Gallows really is being unlucky recently. |
Bit one has to ask, "is it a co-incidence?"
And he isn't in uniform.
Still, all valid and good ideas!
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:50 am Post subject: |
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Oooo, I love it! Great idea that, illegal kissing. Not that I have anything wrong with kissing, but it's just so evil! The making it illegal, not the act itself! Argh!
I like Smee's idea about pretending to be undercover, though I'm unsure whether it would work. If they are conducting a raid, and are part of the same department, then surely they would know if someone else was working at the shop? That said, it might work long enough so that he can get away before they cotton on. Things are getting out of hand, and he seems to be starting to beleive the things that the rebels are telling him, so he should just try and get away.
Maybe he could discharge his weapon above the heads of the officers and make a break for it, hoping that theres a back exit from which he could escape. IF they think they are under fire, I'm sure he could buy himself enough time to get away.
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:56 am Post subject: |
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The main problems with our ideas, including the undercover and the firing of the gun are that in this strictly controlled world then it's going to find its way back to Gallows, either by the controller of the team reporting back about Gallows being 'undercover' or analysis of the bullet matching Gallow's sidearm etc.
It seems bluffing is going to be all but impossible in this environment.
Making that chair turn around again somehow seems his only hope. Perhaps he could mention D7 and what he knows to the rebels behind the seat, ask them for help in hiding. That line where he can continue innocently has been crossed and he needs to vanish.
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:02 am Post subject: |
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He could tell the truth, of at least a version of it. Claim ignorence that it was an illegal kissing bar, only that someone asked to meet him there.
Then claim they never showed.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:13 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Perhaps he could mention D7 and what he knows to the rebels behind the seat, ask them for help in hiding. That line where he can continue innocently has been crossed and he needs to vanish. |
Oooh. I like that idea! Trade in the Rebels for his own skin. Would he do such a thing I wonder!?
This could be a fairly major D point for this story.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | | Quote: | | Perhaps he could mention D7 and what he knows to the rebels behind the seat, ask them for help in hiding. That line where he can continue innocently has been crossed and he needs to vanish. |
Oooh. I like that idea! Trade in the Rebels for his own skin. Would he do such a thing I wonder!?
This could be a fairly major D point for this story.
|
I think it was the other way around. Trade in D7 to the rebels for his own skin.
That said would I be correct in my reading that he currently has last night;s and this morning's meds in his pocket and smells of perfume in this illegle kissing bar?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, poll is up, and there are lots of good suggestions! When I wrote this I didn't realise exactly how key this DP is.
This could turn the course of the story here, or not, depending upon which choice wins.
Choose wisely my friends, Ben's fate, the fate of the Rebels, the City or even the World may depend upon your choice! Unless it doesn't.
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:18 am Post subject: |
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Okay I am closing the poll now. Or even deleting it now Jnmrcs has given us the power. (insert insane laughter here).
I will sharpen ye olde quill and get scribing the next chapter. Hopefully up tonight, unless I get a blockage.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 6:19 am Post subject: Section 10. Persuasion. |
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Section 10. Persuasion.
{removed}
>>>>>>
So, sorry for the rather lame DP, I had to end it here or it would have likely gone on another three pages!
What to do next? One of the choices above? Something else? Is there something he should ask the Sub-Leader? Should he reveal D7 to the Commissioner, or maybe mention them to the Sub-Leader?
All thoughts and suggestions welcome.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 6:38 am Post subject: |
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Good-O! Nice chapter China.
Noticed:
I think this should be the.
And its not a lame D-point. I think that he should listen to what Grimm said about co-operating with Department 7, so he should talk to the Sub-Leader, especially as he was called there specifically for that. If he doesn't turn up to it, or turns up late, then it would be bad news for him and Jane.
He could then try and find Commissioner Owens when he has finished talking with the Sub-Leader.
I'll come back and give a more detailed plan later, as now it is time to get back to work...
*holds breath*
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Soily.
No other comments? Has...has everyone left me?  I'll try and write better, promise.
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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Personally, I think he should go see the sub-leader. Maybe, if he gets the opportunity, do some digging afterwards about Dept 7 - but I don't think he'll get anywhere on that line of inquiry.
I'm thinking he should try to dig himself in deeper with the rebels now though. Dept. 7 is telling him to do some pretty arrest-worthy stuff - so if he's going to have to do that whatever happens, he might as well join the resistance and fight for a better way of life. Offer them co-operation in exchange for them keeping Dept 7 from destroying his life.
Good chapter Chinaren. The only thing that spoiled it for me was the lifting of Key's letter from Dear Dotty. I actually enjoyed the chapter less because you did it, because usually, the episodes of Wall are so original, and that made it seem a bit like a cheap rip-off *apologetic face* Plus, there's all that annoying 'intellectual property' ruling in the FAQs that I'm not comfortable with authors breaking.
As I said, though, the plot is great. Keep it coming - and sorry for the delay in replying. I've had to do a lot of quiz reading this weekend, it's been a bit mind-numbing
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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No, we're still here Chinaren*. Personally I thought that using (read stealing) Key's letter was a good idea. It seems to tie the stories together more, and even though I know they are no longer along the same path, you did base it on Dear Dotty, and I think seeing them acutally set in the same world would be really quite impressive.
But for the decision point I suspect he might well check out the Hall of Records while he has the chance, merely to gage his curiousity if nothing else.
*I'm still here at least, what more coud you ask for?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | The only thing that spoiled it for me was the lifting of Key's letter from Dear Dotty. I actually enjoyed the chapter less because you did it, because usually, the episodes of Wall are so original, and that made it seem a bit like a cheap rip-off *apologetic face* Plus, there's all that annoying 'intellectual property' ruling in the FAQs that I'm not comfortable with authors breaking. |
I was a bit unsure about it myself. It broke away a little from the story in some senses. I din't think about the IP rule though. I have adjusted it now, hopefully enough so that no one will ever know. 
Now then, I suppose the options are fairly straight forward this time, so I have stuck up a poll. It has limited suggestions, as he may only have time to visit two of the three, and he really should visit the Sub Leader as one of them.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 3:43 am Post subject: |
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Voted for the first one China. Looking forward to the next chappie. :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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| Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:59 am Post subject: |
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| Either that, or he'll have to create a few clones of his main character
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| Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 5:18 am Post subject: |
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Wow - such a decisive bunch we are.
I voted to get rid of the cube first and then go see the sub-leader - if, for whatever reason, the sub-leader gets annoyed with us, we could find ourselves escorted from the building without the chance to do anything else. Or worse, searched before entering and the cube discovered.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 5:45 am Post subject: |
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LOL!! A four way tie. Smee makes a good point about the cube. I din't think of that.
Anyway, I have my trust four sided coin ready to flip in-case of sustained tie.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:35 pm Post subject: Section 11. Lies and Damn Lies. |
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Section 11. Lies and Damn Lies.
{removed}
>>>>>>
Intrigue! Plots! Lies! What’s a Correctional officer to do?
Some more information then, but who is telling the truth? Is anyone?
More immediately, what is Gallows to say now? Is it time to throw his lot in with one side or the other?
Let’s hear your devious and twisty thinking!
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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Another tricky yet excellent chapter Chinaren
I'm very disinclined to throw in my lot with the head of security. Working for security makes you an expandable pawn, no matter how loyal you are. Department 7 and its head have shown no concern over your welfare or that of Jane. That one's to be avoided at all costs.
I guess it means, for now, throwing in your lot with the sub-leader.
We can't rebuff the guy who's asking for information now, so we have to make something up. Something that sounds plausible and that they'll believe. We run the risk that they have bugging devices and can verify what we say, but if they had that sort of technology available, I don't think they'd have a strong enough motivation to screw with us in this way.
So, assuming that our evidence is the only source, we should...
Tell this contact that the sub-leader has suspicions about the head of our police station, and has asked us to make regular reports on him and his activities. Tell them he seemed fairly paranoid about the whole thing, and that you don't want to do it but you don't see any choice as an otherwise loyal citizen. Act naive and dumb, look to them to advice and continue feeding them horse-puckey.
That's all I got for now
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:12 am Post subject: |
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Intrigue by the bucketload! Great chapter China, I'd missed this story. :biggrin:
A few suggestions:
| Quote: | | Gallows fell in beside him, every cell in his body screamed caution. |
I think this works better as 'screaming', though it's up to you.
| Quote: | | I was the one who arranged this appointment with the Leader |
Wasn't it with the sub-leader? Or am I getting all confuzzled?
| Quote: | | The agency is called Department 7, you will not have heard of them as their existence is a highly kept secret. |
I think this sentance seems a bit clunky. It would be better to seperate them, I think: 'The agency is called Department 7. You would not have heard of them; their existence is a highly kept secret' Something like that.
| Quote: | | he couldn’t even trust those in the Rebel camp, well, even less than he did anyway. |
Again, this seems like a clunky way of putting it. Seperating 'Rebel camp' from 'Well, even less than he did anyway' just sounds better, to me.
Now, what to do.... I think that the Sub-Leader seems to have far too much information to be truly worried about some sort of plot. I think he himself is planning something, and wants people he thinks he can trust on his side. That, or he's very paranoid, and that is never good.
Department 7 are scary and ruthless, and I think Gallows would do well to avoid them, but it seems that he has little choice. He should agree to working with them, giving them just enough information to placate them but not so that he is truly working for them. This means that the rebels are all thats left. To me, they seem to make the most sense, and are the most sincere, though it is obviously a dangerous path to take. He should be wary, but try and integrate himself into them. If he does, and they turn out to be lying scum, then he can report it all to the Sub-Leader, for 'the Good of the State'
As for the agent next to him, I think Gallows needs to releive some stress, so blowing his brains out would be fun, but quite detrimental to Gallow's wellbeing. So that's out of the question... damn.
I guess he should just tell him something about the Sub-Leader wants officers within The Correctional Department to be extra vigilant, as there seems to be problems emerging that need 'correcting', so he was talking to one officer who he thinks, because of his recent 'fame', would have influence over the other officers, and could urge them to be all-the-more vigilant. Something like that; Shady's idea was better.
*holds breath*
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
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Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:53 am Post subject: |
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Good points Soily, thanks. I will amend.
And good comments as well from both of ye. Is it getting tricky yet?
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:54 am Post subject: |
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Personally I was convinced by D7, and would be more than happy to see him side with them, dispite their hidden adgendas. Not only do they seem more convincing, but they mentioned his own ascension, something I feel they'd be more able to provide than the Sub-Leader.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:55 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Personally I was convinced by D7, and would be more than happy to see him side with them |
Hehe. I was quite happy with how that conversation turned out when I wrote it. I almost convinced myself!
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:13 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I almost convinced myself |
Only almost - are you saying we shouldn't be convinced
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| Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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another good one ren. I think he should start to ddecide who to join here. The obvious ones are the rebels but lets not discard d7 and the subleader. I think the subleader is the way to go really. Hopefully he could help you against d7.
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Shogun
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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Power. Sub-leader.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 3:55 pm Post subject: |
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Poll is up people! Let's see if we can get a record 4 votes this time eh?
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| Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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I think he should keep to the truth, getting away with the bare minimum to keep everyone happy until he can figure out who is telling the truth and who is lying.
For all we know, no one is telling the truth.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:23 am Post subject: |
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Gotta be the rebels. D7 are just too scary, so best to placate them and avoid getting too involved with them; the Sub-Leader seems like a nutter, with few allies, so it wouldn't be safe to get involved with him in the long run, so the rebels, at least for the moment, seem like the best bet. :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
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Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 4:22 am Post subject: |
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Wooo! 5 votes, not including me! It's a record!
I am closing the voting now, Placate D7, get closer to the SubLeader won, which was a slight suprise, so I will get working on that.
Not feeling too wonderful just now, so probably finish this tomorrow.
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| Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 6:01 am Post subject: Section 12. Friends and Enemies. |
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Section 12. Friends and Enemies
{removed}
>>>>>>
Finally! Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I have re-written it about 5 times now, and I still am not too happy with it.
A cruel twist for our hero! What should he do? Should he speak? Should he tell them a story? The truth? Or hold out and hope?
Let us hear your comments! The very future itself hangs in the balance!!
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:06 am; edited 6 times in total
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| Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 10:29 am Post subject: |
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*eyes cross* Okay, this is all getting a bit complicated. So now we have Dept. 7, Dept. 8, Grimm, the Rebels, Leader, Sub-Leader and Deputy Sub-Leader. All of them want something from him and none of them are prepared to share much info with him.
Given the complexity of everything else, I'd say that this is a test. Keep quiet and prove your loyalty to whichever side is testing you. Then you can get on with your dozen or so conflicting missions after that
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:04 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 12 is back up again (above) folks. I made some smaller changes than I was going to. I simply can't get the chapter to a state I am happy with but I am rather pressed for time, so it will have to do.
Comments please. Pretty please!
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:28 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | A totally anonymous type of person Gallows though. |
Should be thought. And as for how to get out of this - he could always try to bluff his way out.
Say he believed he had discovered a rebel base/hideout, and was attempting to infiltrate the group in order to learn their alligence and their secrets. He could even go so far as to betray the rebels here, and tell them about their plans to assassinate the Leader.
Pretty much - tell the truth, but with a spin on it so it seems that you were doing it all for the Leader's best interests.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:31 am Post subject: |
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hmmm..
| Quote: | So far he hadn't said anything, waiting for the help he was sure would come.
He didn't wait for Gallows to correct his mistake, |
Why would Gallows expect him to wait for a correction if he hasn't said anything?
~
For all we know it could be the rebels who have captured us - afterall, they have just told us all their plans and will probably be feeling nervous. Telling all your plans to someone with our job is going to make anyone nervous.
Plead ignorance and terror - say we've been told to spy on everyone by various sub-leaders but so far we've seen nothing and don't know what we're looking for. Demand to know on what authority you're being held - maybe you'll get some idea who they are. Also, mention the sub-leader's name, alot. If he wants us to spy for him then he's going to have to offer some protection.
Happy Writing 
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | ]Why would Gallows expect him to wait for a correction if he hasn't said anything? |
Mmm, maybe that came out wrong.
| Quote: | | do you know how much information I could find on Department 6?” He didn't wait for Gallows to correct his mistake, but went on. |
I meant the mistake about him saying deparment 6, not 7. Looking at it now it doesn't really make much sense. Time for an edit perhaps. Again.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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In my original* version Charles was from Department 8, which was the Leader's Secret Service. However, I wasn't really happy with that one when I posted it, and thinking about it overnight I decided to change it, along with some other things. In the end I didn't very change much, but Department 8 is one thing I did do.
*The original posted one anyway, which was about the 5th version I wrote.
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:12 am Post subject: |
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Twistyness! This is getting rather mental...
I think that he should look Piggy in the eye, open his mouth as if to speak and then gob a big fat green blob into his beady little eye. He'll get beat up, but he won't betray anyone and he needs to stall for time so the sub-leader, or rebels, or department 7 can do something about his predicament.
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 2:45 am Post subject: |
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Polls up then. Let the voting commence.
Second option should read 'Plead' not 'Please'. 
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:42 am Post subject: |
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We're a decisive bunch as per usual
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Chinaren
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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Im stumped. Voted for keep quiet.
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Just browsing, thank-you.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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Keep quiet won, so I will get working on this one.
In the meatime, don't forget to vote for this SGame in SGotM!!
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:02 am Post subject: |
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Looking forward to reading the new chapter China! Things are getting more and more dodgy, and I think things are going to kick off real soon.
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 6:09 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry for the delay in getting the next chapter written everyone. This is a crucial juncture in this story, and I am having probelms getting the story as I want it. Or even figuring out what I want.
Anyway, once it is moved to its shiny new forum I will have an added pressure to 'get it up'. Hur hur.
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Geek_girl72
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| Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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I'm on pins and needles waiting for the new chapter!
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"My candle burns at both its ends, it will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends, it gives a lovely light!"
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Whodunnit?On hold till further notice
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Lost n' Spacey On hold till Further Notice
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Geek_girl72 wrote: | | I'm on pins and needles waiting for the new chapter! |
Hey GG! Sorry for the delay, I will get this done eventually! I have actually written most of it twice, but it didn't come out to my satisfaction. Also I am waiting until Smee sets up the new forum before I post as well.
I find this SGame very hard to write sometimes for some reason. Other things have been distracting me a bit lately too.
So, once again, many apologies for the long delay.
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome to your new forum - apologies for the delay
Happy Writing.
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| Here's my response Pigface... |
| 'm saying nothing. Stoic silence. |
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50% |
[ 3 ] |
| Please ignorance and terror, name drop lots though. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Tell the truth, with bias on loyalty! |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Lob one in Piggy's eye and take the beating like a man. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
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