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NeverNeverGirl
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 Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:44 pm Post subject: Wanderer - chap 4 - Revelations now up |
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Prologue
Haunted, pacing. An endless surging tide of emotion that batters upon her, draining the strength from her limbs. Never ceasing, unrelenting. Driving her forward, ever forward towards the culmination of every moment before this.
There is no surcease from the demented cries of ghosts long passed. No repenting, no forgiveness, no going back. One foot in front of the other. Ever onward.
Silent witness to her journey is the single crumbling tower that holds her acquiescent hostage. As she circles (ever onward - oh for sweet release!) she murmurs to herself and swats at invisible foes with a blade long rusted.
The heat in the tower is unbearable. For those that enter the room at the base of the tower, daring to mount the staircase, the heat becomes a wall pushing them back. Her pacing echoes down the spiralling stairs to the lower room, its only occupants a single chair and a pack long neglected, covered in the dust of time past.
The jugs of water and loaves of bread, put in the lower room as offering from the nearby villagers, are the only respite she has from the torment. Mere moments, taken as if in a dream, when she knows her surroundings once again are spent drinking the cool and pure water.
On and on. She marches towards an ever-shifting destination. Finally her steps slow down and at last she pauses, coming to herself she walks to the bottom of the tower.
The staircase of shifting stones an extra torment to muscles already heavily burdened. Up ending the jug she slakes her thirst. Catching her reflection in the water she notices her hair is longer now then it had been the last time she paused. Her eyes are weary and the corners of her mouth turn slightly down as if in perpetual frown.
Removing her bandanna she soaks it in the cool water and wipes the dust from her face. The bread crumbles easily in her hands and as she eats she realises that these are the hands of a stranger. No longer do these hands bear delicate pink fingers, these are the leather brown hands of a battle weary soldier. Callused, stained and no longer her own. Massaging her thighs, shifting in her seat, briefly she rests. As she is tying her hair out of her eyes, her legs begin to cramp and she takes to her feet once more, eyes glazing over her first steps falter. Only minutes have passed since last she moved forward on her path.
One foot then the other. Step. Step. Step.
Strengthening now she marches quicker in ever widening circles. Catching sight out of the corner of her eyes she shifts to a smooth jog. Her invisible foes taking flight before her and soon the floor is slippery, slick with blood. The tangy odour of magic done permeates the walls of the tower and the sheep in the green field below shift away from the tower.
*** *** *** ***
chap 1. Rumors
Hector had ridden hard all day. His thighs chaffed as he slid from the saddle and walked into the tavern. The sign hanging from the door said ‘Boar Inn’ and Hector hoped it wasn’t true. After weeks on the road the thought of people excited him.
Ahh, a few ales and a hearty meal. What wayfaring traveller could ask for more?
As he entered the Inn there was none of the pause that the arrival of a stranger normally brings upon his entrance. The hubbub of the patrons seemed to get louder if anything. A man dressed in the clothes of a farmer lent drunkenly against a wall was engaged in haranguing the barmaid, slurring his speech and laughing lustily. Three big brawny lads were engaged in a game involving dice and wagers and in general the in seemed full of revellers.
Taking his place at the bar he quickly downed his ale and ordered a trencher of stew.
“What brings you through here then, son?” Thumping down the stew, the crusty old barmen grinned toothily as he asked. “You with one of them Merchant Vans? Oh ho, no that’s not it Gilver, a strapping young man like this would be a soldier, eh?”
Hector paused in his eating and looked back over his shoulder. Unsuccessful in searching for the allusive Gilver he turned back to the barmen. Assuming the barkeep was talking to himself he replied as best he could.
"No one. I'm no one and I’m headed nowhere that matters. Just passing through." He quickly turned the subject to other topics. "So what's the news around these parts? Anything I should know about?"
Usually this got the locals chatting for hours and he could immerse himself in their stories and forget himself for a while. However he found that this was the comment that made the Boar Inn go quiet.
"Listen here son, I am not sure what you are trying to say but we's simple folk who have simple needs. We won't have any of Your kind around here, trying to interfere with what they don't know that’s for sure!" The barmen snarled.
Hector felt the weight of the patrons' stares on his back. This situation could quickly go sour with a wrong word or two. He hastily shrank down in his seat, making himself as unassuming and non-threatening as possible, he was glad he had left his long sword with his pack. He resisted the temptation to flick out his knives from their wrist sheaves and placed both of his hands flat on the table in front of him.
“I meant no harm, I merely wished to hear tales of the world for a while. I have long been alone on the road.”
The speed with which the volume rose once again was almost more intimidating than the oppressive silence from moments before. The innkeeper walked over from his place by the fire and settled beside Hector. Moments before he launched into his oratory on the district Hector caught a few whispered words from the background noise. Taking another ale he settled back to listen and filed those fleeting words away for later.
The next morning saw Hector riding east out of town with a bag of foodstuffs and a flagon of the Inn’s best wine. He also had firm instruction to come back again any time soon.
His mind soon turned to the voices he had heard at the Inn the night before. The words seemed strangely compelling to him and he was unsure as to why. They meant so little to him when he thought on them but he knew that he must investigate their origin more thouroughly.
A fluting female voice had quickly blurted to her companion that ‘The Woodsman calls for all who desire to see change come about.’ and a scuffling of movement followed during which Hector heard only the words ‘... to the glen of Del Firnin it is...’. He had only heard very vague references to the Woodsman in all his travels yet he had ridden through Del Firnin on many occasions and knew it to be a barren wasteland. His curiosity was well piqued and he was tempted to make his way there and solve this little mystery.
He dug his heels into his horses flank and urged her to head west, he would skirt the village and continue on, surely it would look suspicious him riding back through again. As they crested the rise he saw from the corner of his eye a high outcrop and sitting at its peak were the ruins of a castle of some sort.
Although it was some miles away he could feel the pull of it. Some type of story must once have been played out there, he thought to himself, should I delay my journey and abate my curiosity?
Last edited by NeverNeverGirl on Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:51 pm; edited 10 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:10 am Post subject: |
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Huzzah! Nice opening chapter there Nene! Full of mystery and intrigue oh yes.
A couple of typos here and there, but nothing major. Not sure about the change in tense halfway through, though I do prefer the past to the present in my readings.
Not much time to comment now, so I'll just say..
Abate! (His curiosity!)
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:36 am Post subject: |
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| Cool intro! Check out the castle. might be a while before he gets back in these parts. And maybe the pull that draws him towards it will be satiated by another adventurer and he will forget all about it should his travels return him to the village.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 12:16 am Post subject: |
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Del Firninn!
Good writing! I hope to see more... 
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AceoSpades
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| Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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| I love it... on to Del Fernin, by the time he gets there what's going on may be over with already if he doesn't keep moving.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:21 pm Post subject: Poll?? |
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so i guess the poll is straightforward then? To Del Firnnin or to the Tower..
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 2:02 am Post subject: |
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What happened to Nene? If you're still about, just edit your first post, to add the poll options...
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 2:10 am Post subject: |
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She may have fallen by the wayside. The last time she logged on was 26th of June.
Sometimes promising newbies come but don't stay.  I hope she returns.
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Player of Fates
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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She'd better, I was just getting interested.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | She may have fallen by the wayside. The last time she logged on was 26th of June.
Sometimes promising newbies come but don't stay. I hope she returns. |
Well, her last post was on the 27th of June for most of the world.
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Ave Dominus Nox
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A Tale of Four Swords
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Harper
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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Abate, abate!
...if you come back...
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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| lordofthenight wrote: | | chinaren wrote: | She may have fallen by the wayside. The last time she logged on was 26th of June.
Sometimes promising newbies come but don't stay. I hope she returns. |
Well, her last post was on the 27th of June for most of the world. |
well, these are the records for the admin dooda for her.
Username: Email: Posts: Level: Active: Joined Last Visit:
NeverNeverGirl hotmail.com 29 User Yes 06/18/2007 06/26/2007
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Harper
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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Are you supposed to post admin records?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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DA DA! HERE I AM! YAY!
sorry i had a terrible month of continous houseguests and have only just started to get back into my old routines.. oh FFS! there goes the doorbell - back shortly to add poll!
(thanks for all the positive vibes!) 
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Harper
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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Eek! Poll!
First vote, heck yes!
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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okay, so the poll went slightly nutso... just use the first options of each option? oops - you know what i mean..
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Yay! Welcome back...
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Lilith
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Lilith wrote: | Welcome back, NeNe! Glad you decided to stay .. and unwanted houseguests are easy. Just give them a kick in the ass and say, "AND STAY OUT!" *giggles* lol.
Kill him already and be done with it, I say! |
the house guest or poor hector?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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to del firnin it is.. the woodsmen awaits...
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dinranwen
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| Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I missed the polll *looks disappointed* Ah well...*sits down to wait for the next chapter*
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Harper
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| Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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Onward to Del Firninn?
Last edited by Harper on Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:12 pm Post subject: chap 2 |
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Chapter 2. A twisted fate
Pulling his horse into the shadows of a tree Hector dismounted. Reaching into his saddlebag he pulled out a small leather pouch. Carefully opening it he took out the Alister Gem that he had been given many years ago by his mentor, Stone.
Cradling the purple and green stone in his hands he stared at it, concentrating on its depths. It weighed cool and heavy in his hands, this gem the size of an apple, its translucent colours plumbing to endless depths. The two shades it was made up with swirled around each other in a riot of colour, pieces caught the light and turned its dark mysterious depths to life. Shining with an inner beauty that made Hectors throat catch every time he saw it, the Alister Gem was his most prized possession.
Crouching down low Hector summoned the stillness from within himself that was necessary to call forth the stones power.
“He who is shall ever be,
He who isn’t shall return once more,
I summon thee to my aid,
to guide this wanderer ever onwards..”
Gently he laid his lips to the stone. As his flesh touched the cool smooth surface it seemed to draw the heat from his lips into the stone itself. He could feel it reaching, searching pulling him down until it was all he could do to not lose himself in its depths.
Laying his cheek against it, almost reverentially, Hector could hear the whispers that heralded the answers he had sought in the gem. Ever before the gem had chosen the answer that abated his need and he waited peacefully for it to urge him onwards to the tower on the hill. Hectors eyes began to close and he felt his body started to sway rhythmically to the beat of a drum that seemed to rise from the depths of the Alister Gem.
A child’s haunting lullaby rang softly through his ears in a voice that had seen more sorrow than happiness. It made his heart break to hear it, he could feel his body physically ache with the need to comfort such raw emotion. Not yet making out the words Hector strained to catch the echoes but as if in a dream, over which he had no control, he found himself hearing other voices instead.
A mothers gentle hushing as she nursed a crying child, the yell of a farmer as he tilled his fields, the bustle of a market places, the ringing of a forge... he fought against these rising sounds trying desperately to find the child’s song again. Just as he thought he had started to pick upon the soft whispering that had made him react so, he was instead overwhelmed by a loud and boisterous voice that chilled him to his core capturing his heart in icy hands.
“A child such as this can only be used for one thing...” a mans voice rang out menacingly, “that gentle song would soothe the temper of Mallory himself. It’s the Woodsmen of Del Firnin for you little one!”
“NO!” Hectors own cry brought him back to his senses. He found himself curled up in a foetal position with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs it almost pained him to unwind himself. He had to force himself to sit and breathe gently his relaxed outer appearance a deception hiding the flood of turmoil and fear that flooded his thoughts.
He shook his head and tried to think clearly, quelling the desire to mount and ride with all haste to Del Fernin. Mallory, he struggled to place the name, why would that name chill my heart so? He thought. Why do I assume the child is in such danger, the fear of his memory clung to him like a blanket, nothing the man said should have caused such a reaction in me.
Trusting his feelings and the voice of the Alister Stone Hector knew he could not take any chances, regardless of what he found when he got there it was more than obvious this was the path he must choose. Quickly stowing the Gem and mounting back up onto his horse he cast a longing glance East towards the tower. As he turned his head back toward the west he thought that perhaps for a moment, out of the corner of his eye, that he had seen a spirit wraith ascend through the sky and the glint of steel could be seen in the tower window.
Chiding himself for having such an imagination Hector spurred Maestro onwards.
“Come my friend, let us see what we can find!”
**
Nearing his destination Hector pulled Maestro off the track that would lead to vale of Del Firnin and eased their way into the trees beside it thus avoiding meeting anyone that he perhaps didn’t want to. Venturing further into the woods Hector edged forward carefully. At the sound of branches cracking Hecotr Dismounted quickly urging Maestro onwards. The undergrowth pulling roughly at his clothing and scuffling noises echoing through the space, reminded him that there was more to fear from the woods then just being spotted by a human foe.
Quietly walking forwards Hector was just ruminating the fate of his favourite pants when he heard a sound he hadn’t expected to hear.
A tuneless whistling, tinny and flat came to his ears through the trunks of the trees, pushing his way through the branches he paused.
“Hi ho there stranger.” A voice came cheery and light.
who is in the clearing? What/who has Hector stumbled across? An old comrade? A foe? Or...
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Player of Fates
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| Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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An old foe. We need some action and a cool but bastard rival for our hero to fight against off and on in other chapters.
I vote for a tall lanky man bearing a rapier with an evil glint in his red eyes. Could be a girl too, a temptress who is in love with Hector and hates him beyond anything else also. So, uh...foe.
OR
Maybe some mysterious magi or wizard that wants to offer some words of wisdom and maybe a valuable tool or weapon. The crazy hat with stars and moons is a much needed thing.
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Chinaren
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | | Hot chick! Hot chick! |
Ren, you are soooo being a guy right now.. though i have to admit that was one line i was thinking but maybe not how you were ...
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Chinaren
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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well let me just say that i have noticed your lack of reputation does you fair justice 
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Head Eater
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: |
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Thissss sstorygame isss acceptable to me. Enssure it ssstays so...
Away to Fantasssy Foressst with you!
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Heads.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:47 am Post subject: |
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| Head Eater wrote: | Thissss sstorygame isss acceptable to me. Enssure it ssstays so...
Away to Fantasssy Foressst with you! |
YAY FOR ME!!! YAY FOR ME!!
My first 'real' story! YAYAYYYYYYY
everybody dance with me now.. 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 2:12 am Post subject: |
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Well done NeNe! The Head Eater is always right. Except for that one time down by the river of course, but aint no one never speaks of that no more...
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| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 10:07 am Post subject: Re: chap 2 |
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| NeverNeverGirl wrote: | | ...hiding the flood of turmoil and fear that flooded his thoughts. |
Mayhap there's a better way of phrasing that part?
Still, your SG's only getting more captivating.
DP: Perhaps someone who is (at least seemingly) benign. Action is great and all, but you can get that out of those wonderful li'l nasties that Hector has to worry about aside from a "human foe", and introducing someone whose end goal is veiled... Oh, you get the point.
Viva la StoryGame!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 10:51 am Post subject: |
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Perhaps the female spoken of in the prologue, seeing as he's spotted a tower.
Or, if that is too quick on the plot and not a good option, maybe it could be someone associated with her - somebody related to her, perhaps.
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Harper
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| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject: |
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O_O
Good one, Crunchy. I'd forgotten about that.
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Player of Fates
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| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, I do like Crunchy's idea...
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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okay - there were so many good options here for the poll that i couldnt decide which to use/not use... its in your hands ppl..
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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The polls done the old 'double' trick, so you may want to erase it and start again. However, it usually still counts the votes okay, so if you are okay with it looking messy, you can leave it...
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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Okay ppl please get voting as if you dont China gets his Hot Chick....
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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break my tie?? pulease....
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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made an executive decision as the poll tied between hot chick and chick from tower... as i have other plans for tower chick hot chick is the winner.. thanks ren
here she is ren.. your hot chick..
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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dedicated to China our fuzzy orange boss guy
Temptations
As Hector walked into the clearing he beheld before him a sight more tempting then many he had seen for a long time.
A stew cooked on a slowly burning fire to one side of a small caravan painted light blue. Its yellow canopy contrasting starkly against the muted greens and browns of the woodland it radiated warmth and happiness. A small horse grazed nearby and a kitten played whimsically with a leaf. Yet it was not this scene of homely enchantment that bought Hector to a grinding halt.
Standing no more than ten feet away, with her back to him, was the most beautiful specimen of woman Hector had ever had chance to see. Even in his deepest visions he hadn't come across such as she.
Her long chestnut red hair fell unbound down her naked back and fell in rippling waves to cup just below her naked buttocks. The smooth white skin was unblemished by any (visible) scar and her legs were lean and muscular. Hectors pulse sped up as the maiden bent to run a sponge over her calves, her hair cascading forward to reveal the smooth planes of her back. The most strangly enticing aspect of the girl was the gentle curve of her spine, Hector had the strangest urge to run his tongue up it and gently take the flesh of her neck between his teeth.
Running his hands through his hair Hector exhaled, Fair day has never seen such beauty, he thought to himself.
'EXCUSE ME!" The girl spun quickly around, eyes blazing. Her hands on her hips and legs akimbo, she seemed just as alluring as before.
Oops, must have said that out loud, Hector chided his clumsiness. Hector found his eyes drawn to the girls face despite her entire body being exposed to him in a very seductive manner.
The chestnut hair was complimented by a pair of emerald green eyes that sparkled with outrage, a pert nose and full lips (screwed up into a snarl) set the stage for a breathtaking performance by her eyebrows which had shot up higher than belief. Arching one eyebrow she stalked towards him.
It was only when she was within striking distance that Hector noticed the swirling pattern of tattoos that curled from the soft line of her collarbone over her left breast and down to circle her navel. The harsh black lines that traced her skin only served to further exacerbate her feminity and she grew only more beautiful in his eyes.
'Who do you think you are walking into my camp like you are some kind of Landowner?' She almost spat the words at him, the venom in her voice so palpable that Hector flinched.
'I told your people that they were not to come here unless summoned and I CERTAINLY did not do that!'
Hector suddenly became concious of a fragrance wafting into his nose, sweet and musky it slid right through his core and left him with a strong desire to touch her. He caught himself before he raised his hand too high, and placed it on his horses neck instead.
Shaking his head slightly, he tried in vain to search for the words to atone for his wrong doing, but he found it so hard to consider it wrong. Let alone apologise for looking. He stammered out a few insensible words and ducked his head.
Once again he found himself captivated by the girl. Her feet were smooth, unblemished and perfect. Her ankles slim and her toes delicate. His real undoing came with the cording bound around her ankle, it was purple and contrasted perfectly against her pale smooth flesh. He found his eyes wandering upwards following the snaking coils of the strand until it reached just below her right knees.
Such divinity was surely made for a mans pleasure, Hector mused to himself. He began to fantasise about running a fingertip along the cord when the maiden stepped away quickly.
'Oh no you don't, big boy!' The girl suddenly became aware of her nakedness and Hectors perception of her vulnerability faded quickly. 'No touching. Touching causes pain, yours, and i am sure you don't want that!'
Shaking her head she turned and walked towards the caravan. Hector watched as the door swung wide and he could her the sounds of her rummaging around. She emerged soon after dressed in a dress as green as her eyes. The cut of it was almost more than he could take, his physical reaction was more violent than when he had seen her naked. The dress was knee length and had no sleeves yet the scooped neck dipped just far enough to allow a view of the gentle valley between her breast. The sides of the skirt were open almost to a point of indecency and he could tell that no under clothes were being worn beneath.
Pretending to rummage through his pack Hector buried his head in his horses flank and tried to pull himslef together.
'Water?' Her voice gently mocked him and her hand on his shoulder sent a shudder through his skin, as he took the proferred flask and swallowed hurriedly.
'Thirsty, huh?' she laughed. 'So stanger, who are you?'
'He.. Hec.. Hector. My name is Hector.' he stuttuered over his words and drew a deep breath. 'You?'
'Me.' She replied as if the word was enough. She sauntered back to the fire and stirred the stew. 'I am..."
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Last edited by NeverNeverGirl on Wed Aug 29, 2007 11:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:12 am Post subject: |
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DP - who is she? or maybe not....
Maybe its just a question of what follows next?
A bit of crumpet?
A cup of tea
A crew of winged dogs falls from the trees and attacks?
meh. YOU decide. It is a storygame!
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:06 am Post subject: |
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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ah, you ruined all the good oppurtunites with the threat of pain! of course, pain has its' place, so, maybe you haven't ruled out much, but, anyways, the girl must have some sort of mystical or other worldly powers, or perhaps she is a sage or seer? Have them sit together over food and drink, and find out more about her. nice descriptions, and I look forward to where it goes next.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 8:30 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, you're really good at hot chicks Nene!! What a wonderful description.
~Sighs longingly for a moment~
Anyway, DP. She has to be some sort of witchy character, it just screams it.
Maybe she's on a quest for her tribe. I'm out of ideas just at the moment for this, but I'll think on it some more...
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:44 am Post subject: |
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Psh. Witches.
I say she's a wood nymph, driven insane by the murder of her tree (which she survived through the use of some nefarious necromancy that causes her to - painfully - suck the life out of anyone she touches).
See? Things can be much more interesting than simple witchcraft.
Other than that, great job NeNe! This is quite... descriptive, but more importantly very engaging. Keep it up.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:40 am Post subject: |
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She is an apparition. Not there at all, just a means for someone enigmatic to communicate a message. She could appear again and again in this way... So when she says 'I am...' it could be someone else speaking through her.... if you get what I mean.
Wonderfully written. What more can I say?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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poll up - vote or he dies.....
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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the conversation options wins... stay tuned
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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not today ren, i am in the mood to write... sorry... 
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:49 pm Post subject: chapter 4. Revelations |
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Chapter 4 – Revelations
Looking back over her shoulder, the girl stole a glance at Hector. Her eyes flashed challengingly and he felt his knees go weak.
How could he be having such a violent reaction to someone he didn’t know?
‘I am ...’ she said with an air of authority, ‘about to have a bite to eat. Won’t you join me?’
Hector took a seat by the fire and let the flame draw his eyes for a moment. He looked up to find her proffering a bowl of stew and he took it, eating gratefully. It was really the most delicious thing he had ever tasted, he had finished the whole bowl before he remembered his companion.
‘I am sorry I intruded like that, I was looking for a place to stop and came upon you, suddenly, without knowing...’ He felt the words tumble from him, again he marvelled at himself, behaving like a young boy in her presence.
‘I fear that I reacted rather badly,’ she smiled at him ruefully, ‘please forgive me for being so harsh. It is not often that I am taken unawares, especially by one such as you.’
She gazed levelly into his eyes. He felt the weight of her stare as if she looked deep into his soul and judged what she found lying in wait.
‘I am going to ask you a question Hector, I would like it very much if you answered truthfully.’ She turned her whole personage so that it faced him, placing her hands in her lap she continued.
‘Who are you that you can walk into my space without my knowledge? What angel kissed your brow?’
Hector sat in silence for a long while, contemplating his answer. It would be foolhardy to give away too much to someone he didn’t know, but the longer he mused the more the answer seemed to edge its way out of his mouth.
‘There is a place, very far from here, where the mightiest warriors fear to tread, for fear of upsetting that which resides there. It is my homeland and I am but a scholar, sent by my Lord to take a message to his Love.’ He looked down at his bowl and stirred the remnants of the meal with his fork.
‘Yes, but how does that protect you? What gives you the right to walk unheeded?’ The light of interest gleamed in her eyes.
Reaching into his shirt, Hector gingerly withdrew a small carving. Shaped like an arc, it was blue in colour with green lines crossing back and forth across its surface.
The maiden’s eyes gleamed more brightly. Her hand reached forward to touch the talisman, and Hector carefully slipped it back into his shirt. She caught herself and looked at him with suspicion.
‘Was that an Arc de Héritage? Are you really from the Holy lands?’ She rose from her seat and advanced towards Hector. Throwing herself in front of him, she postulated and lay her head on his feet, not once touching him.
‘Please, don’t, not here.’ Hector bid her to rise, and she knelt so that he could see her face. Tears ran down her cheeks in thick lines, her skin flushed with excitement.
‘Ah, Father, you are a long way from home. The Heavens have blessed me many times over to send you to me. With your help I can do so much....’ She stared at him in rapture, looking at him as at a divine being.
Clearing his throat Hector intervened in her spiel.
‘Please, Maiden, don’t cry and beseech to me. I am far from home, jaded as the Emperor and long gone from the grace of God.’ He paused and before he could reveal much more she was upon him.
‘Please! You must help me! Hear my story and know my fate, then tell me if your God has not sent you thus.’ Her voice wavered in the only sign of uncertainty he had heard thus far. ‘Please Good Father...’
‘Call me Hector,’ he sighed.
She sat back on her heels and spread her skirt with her hands so that her comely thighs where hidden from sight.
‘My name is Lavinia Maudit. I am the first of my people and the last of my people.’ Her words were thick with emotion and tears began to flow down her face again.
‘I come from the Nymphe des bois. They are, nay, were my people. So long have I waited to tell the tale, that the words now, do not come so easily...
There has been an uprising amongst my people. For many millennia we have lived side by side with the people of the Sirène, as one people we each cared for our respective homes and helped the world to continue on in harmony with itself.
We on the land, they in the water. Each balancing, perfectly, with the other.'
Hector found himself startled by her speech, could it be true? He vocalised the thoughts that ran quickly through his mind.
'The Tree Nymphs and the Mermen? Surely such races do not exist? The mere nature of there being...'
Lavinia sliced through his words as would a blade through water.
'Oh we exist, despite the beliefs of the small folk who would rather assume that they are the sole reason for anything, than know that they are the reason for nothing. Reason dictates that we, the caretakers, exist.
If the waves crash into the shore and there is no one there to hold it together, it will simply wash away. If the plants and animals get no water, they wither and die. So it is, that water has no purpose without the life that feeds from it, without the shade from the tree it will evaporate in the sun. Our peoples, We are a perfect circle. Harmony and Flow are our Cause and our Way.
It has come to be, among our people – whom we call La Famille Terre, that an outsider is influencing our council. The Elders, that are meant to guide us, have become corrupted. They strive for power and influence, each vying with the other to have the largest territory, the most land – this in itself is enough to cause untold Chaos amongst us. Our people believe that one cannot ‘own’ the land. It is simply a part of us and we of it. She is our mother, He is our father, and We spring from her and return to him.
Simple, yes?’
She made the last a question, and Hector thought before he responded.
‘La Famille Terre? The Earth Family... ' musing hecotr murmured softly under his breath then raised his head, catching Lavinias' eyes.
'Yes, it makes as much sense – if not more, than any other thing I have heard, or believed.’
Lavinia looked at him keenly, taking in for the first time the dark shadow on his cheeks, the lines on his brow and the deep bottomless blue of his eyes. Brushing back his long dark hair with one hand, he motioned for her to continue.
‘Father, Hector, a foul spirit has taken me from my home. I was chosen by our Magi to perform a quest, one that sees me bound in inexplicable ways to the fate of my people.
The Nymphe des bois, we are the people of the trees. Every day we stand around you, still, beautiful and majestic, it is only at night that we are truly free. Our souls emerge from our trees and we dance and rejoice in the light of the moon. Spirits, from Our Mother, blessed us long ago, blessed us so that we may take human form for ten days out of every 60, so that we may take lovers and renew our peoples.
The Sirène, they too, take more human aspect and seek out lovers. Thus we expand our numbers and so we continue to thrive and grow.’
Lavinia paused to take a draught from her water flask, Hector stole the opportunity to pose his questions.
‘So this is your time of transformation? When you may move as human? So, why are you here in the middle of the woods? Shouldn’t you be amongst the towns, trying to find someone to sire your children?’
Sighing, she looked at him, studying his face carefully.
‘It is here that the tale turns horror story, Hector.
I mentioned that the Magi had bade me perform a quest. Our Magi, she is human while the rest of us sleep, protecting our people and making the decisions that the Council no longer care to make.
I was selected as fittest and strongest both mentally and physically to perform this duty. In a ritual, arcane and terrifying, my soul was ripped from my tree...’ An expression of sorrow, haunting and chilling both, crossed her face and filled her eyes. As she continued to talk she was visibly shaking and flinched at her own words.
‘I was torn asunder from my place of repose during the light of day. With no foreknowledge or choice I was thrown, with great pain, into human form. As I fell to the ground so did my Elm fall. Rotting and stagnating, she toppled to the ground. As would your body if your soul was torn asunder.
Never again may I return to her. We are two separate entities now and she is gone, made by my people into the Caravan you see behind you. I may wander as I will during the day but every night I must return to her or we will both vanish completely.
It is a cruel fate, to know I can never unite with her fully, she is the other half of my being, yet I am able to return to her every night still. The loving and gentle embrace of the Mother has been denied me. So shall be my destiny until the end of my days.
I am the first of the Wanderers, the treeless Nymphs and I pray, that i am the last. ‘
Hector turned and looked again at the little caravan. It was unremarkable in every way other than the colours that delineated it from the copse.
Was it truly her real body? Did he have the way of this right? She must fulfil her quest and even then go unrewarded and be cursed to wander forever, without a home? What God would demand such as this?
Looking back at Lavinia he marvelled again at her beauty. He reached a hand forward to touch her face and she threw herself away from him with incredible speed.
‘No! You must never touch me Hector! Please! Promise me that you shall not do it! To do so would mean nothing more than your death!’
‘What do you mean?’ He pulled his hand back into his lap.
‘It is my burden, to save my people and reunite them, to bring them together in Love and continue on. It is my curse too, that to know my touch is to know death. So must I wander, without knowing touch or kiss, for eternity.’
Poking at the remnants of the fire with a large stick, Hector asked the one question that remained, not able to meet her eye.
‘So, Lavinia, what is your quest?’
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Last edited by NeverNeverGirl on Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:56 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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she is cupid.
she is to study humes everywhere and then make matches based on compatibility.
nice chappy nene. oh, and change the 'I' within the [] to a lower case, and then the italics will work.
_________________
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:14 am Post subject: |
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I have just caught up with this one too! Very good chapter.
When doing italics, put [/i] at the end, that should close it properly..
I will have to come back with a suggestion for Lavinia's quest.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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okay - ideas please people?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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maybe i should write another chapter ? It may be more open to responses?
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:46 am Post subject: |
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That may help, or reminding people that it is here? it's been a long while since you posted anything here nene. but another chappy would be cool too!
_________________
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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Smee
Revered IFian
Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:54 am Post subject: |
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Hey NeNe (as I'm assured you like to be called).
I see it has been over 6 weeks since the last chapter, but hopefully it's only a respite before continuing.
Having just read all the chapters from the beginning, I like and dislike this story at the same time. Whilst I try to frame my thoughts as to why, let me just cover a handful of little technicalities...
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| Quote: | | and in general the in seemed full of revellers |
This is from the prologue, and I believe there should be an 'Inn' in there.
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| Quote: | | At the sound of branches cracking Hecotr Dismounted quickly urging Maestro onwards. |
Chapter 2 I think... Hector's name has been mangled a little, and 'Dismounted' doesn't need a capital. A bit of a strange sentence though. Not certain what's intended here. Was it the mount making the noise from breaking branches, so he dismounted to make him quieter? Or did he here the noise coming from some other sourse?
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| Quote: | As Hector walked into the clearing he beheld before him a sight more tempting then many he had seen for a long time.
A stew cooked on a slowly burning fire to one side of a small caravan painted light blue. ]Its yellow canopy contrasting starkly against the muted greens and browns of the woodland it radiated warmth and happiness. A small horse grazed nearby and a kitten played whimsically with a leaf. Yet it was not this scene of homely enchantment that bought Hector to a grinding halt. |
This chapter (and subsequent ones) seemed to have leapt into past tense, I noticed Chinaren's comment earlier. Yet this blue sentence has some present tense mingled in as well.
A pain to spot, as I know only too well. I still spend considerable time correcting my own tense errors.
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| Quote: | | tell that no under clothes were being worn beneath. |
Of course I wasn't reading this section with extra special care! Lies I say! Ahem... anyway. I think this line reads a little easier without the 'being'. It serves no purpose in the sentence.
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| Quote: | | buried his head in his horses flank and tried to pull himslef together. |
A quick little typo on 'himself'.
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| Quote: | | 'Water?' Her voice gently mocked him and her hand on his shoulder sent a shudder through his skin, as he took the proferred flask and swallowed hurriedly. |
I know he 'shudders', but a shudder is a long way from death. Should she really be touching him here? If she can, therefore I assume she can supress the curse in some way, and her later statements are lies. Vital for our hero to know.
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I'm still not much closer to finding a way of explaining how I can like and dislike this story at the same time. I like the fantasy, and your skill with descriptions, but I'm also a little lost. The protagonist has appeared in some random Inn, heard some nonsense words, and left, only to ride back again, hold some gem to his face, and then race off with some urgency.
It is all a little too odd. What was he doing before he went to the Inn and heard those words? Who is he? There is just too much mystery at the moment I think, and not enough understanding to make the mystery exciting rather than frustrating.
I'm also not so keen on the decision points that have us deciding what happens plot-wise rather than us deciding some action of a character. But that's just a personal style, not a critique. e.g. Rather than deciding what quest she's on, I'd prefer to be deciding whether we help her or not, after you've told us what quest.
The author has to work a little bit 
But the decision point is, what the decision point is... how profound *bows*. There was likely some trickery involved, but she must have known something when the rite was begun to rip her spirit from her tree. There must have been some general agreement that such a travasty was required; not something done lightly.
So therefore it must be a quest of large importance. The survival of the species, or atleast the entire area she's from. Some threat must have been made to it, that required her to leave for longer than the typical 10 days allowed, in order to find help. Some evil thing threatening her people's forest with fire perhaps, or some mystic seeing the destruction of the forest from a meteor. Perhaps the theft of some talisman that keeps the forest healthy.
Keep it up, and
Happy Writing
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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NeverNeverGirl
Honored Citizen
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come
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| Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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WOW Smee - i am thoroughly chuffed by your response. Not least because it means someone took the time to read it...
Perhaps the points you make about the flow fothe story are the reason it has yet to gain much of a response from IF. I shall consider these sage words and make the necessary adjustments that you pointed out.
You have given me much to mull over....
_________________
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Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998
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| Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| Ah the quest - something that requires more than a day's travel - since she is bound to the caravan otherwise. She needs to bring back someone or something, that will help to find out whoever it is that is influencing the council of tree nymphs.
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