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The Dark
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 Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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Warning! This tale contains extreme scenes and adult language, and will not be suitable for the square, young of brain, sad or mentally feeble.
[color=black]
Chapter 6. Shocked.
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Last edited by The Dark on Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Gloom turned right, and then left, down into some quieter streets as it began to rain. Most of the Ninety levels were still open enough to get actual rain, rather than just the drainage of the floors above them. He turned on his wipers and slowed down, examining the passing buildings. |
I still don't understand what these levels look like. Are they stacked one upon the other? If so, how can he drive horizontally from one level to the next? Through some sort of ramp, maybe? The story has failed to create a vivid image in my mind as to how these levels function. Did I miss something?
Also, Gavin doesn't seem to lend much importance to the gold button- but if it is real gold, wouldn't he be excited by his discovery? Isn't it valuable? Maybe you meant gold-colored, or painted in gold?
It always amazes me how you manage to create more plot-lines, or connect prior plot-lines to each other as a result of the decision points. Well done, this is a rare skill. The style is consistent as well.
The decision point is hard. First of all, Gavin probably wants to get out of the restaurant and return to his hiding place. The second thing to consider is: now that the media is accusing him of murder, won't Ice remove him from the investigation?
Even if she does, Gavin has to find the murderer. It's his own hide that's in danger now. Although the mystery of the Crush is enthralling, it doesn't seem to lead directly to the murderer. Therefore, I would suggest investigating in the bottom level where Prime's daughter was attacked.
If that provides no new clues, then Farthing will have to be interrogated (again? hasn't Gloom done that already?).
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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The Dark
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| Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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The levels:
Imagine a giant multi-storey car park, and you have the basis of what it looks like. The upper levels though don't cover the whole area, and light filters down from above.
The button may be real gold, but how many real gold buttons do you encounter? It is gold coloured. 
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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hmm, time to shit and git, i think.
Excellent chapter again Dark. Lacking in sex and violence, but, they can't all be perfect.
is there a dp here? Obviously, it is time to run and hide, but where? A female acquaintance on the lower levels that spends too much time doped or screwing to watch tv? best i can come up with at this time.
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Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 3:29 am Post subject: |
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Hey Dark, good chappy there. 
Two minds work better than one. He needs to think fast. Order the AI chick to find a suitable shelter while he runs to his car. With the shields up they don't see him, and if he is fast enough nobody will notice him.
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Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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algu95
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| Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: |
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Nice new chapter, Dark One! O, sadly I do not have any suggestions for thy DP!
However...
| The Dark wrote: | The levels:
Imagine a giant multi-storey car park, and you have the basis of what it looks like. The upper levels though don't cover the whole area, and light filters down from above.
The button may be real gold, but how many real gold buttons do you encounter? It is gold coloured. |
... Not once did you say something along the lines of 'The Dark *something*'... Blang, you're getting civilized! Even a smiley! xP
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Yes, no, what, hello?
Falcon Lord, a linear story by algu!
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DELETED
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| Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:51 am Post subject: |
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 1:56 am Post subject: |
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This would be a nice time to find out that the chip gives him some sort of extra defences...
Also, I'd just like to say that this story is freaking awesome, although a bit on the gory side.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Crossfire
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| Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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It's an enigmatic, top-of-the-line AI device from one of the top companies in the sector. It could do anything- that is, anything the author wants it to do. What about an optical distortion field? Nothing obtrusive, just something that makes his features a little difficult to make out.
He can wear a good-old-fashioned trench coat (well, a modern-day equivalent, anyway) to prevent people from recognizing him from afar, where details don't really register anyway. It'll look a little suspicious, but only a little if he does it right and if anyone gets close, all they'll see is someone that looks like Detective Gloom. Easy, credible and doesn't require much effort.
Edit...
Reading over this, I've realised it's a little confusing. I was simply suggesting that the AI disguise Gloom in some way that doesn't stress the bounds of reason.
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Thrash, dash and crash alike.
Silent eyes decide the wise and unwise - for one that lies. Let it arise.
Last edited by Crossfire on Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:50 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Grab the waitress, threaten her with certain death if she doesn't find him somewhere to hide fast. She thinks he's a killer, she's not going to make a fuss. Take her with him. The AI will find them - we don't know what Gentle is checking out or when he'll be back, but he's an ally, and he needs him now.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: |
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Welcome to your new forum, The Dark!
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The Dark
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:46 am Post subject: |
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The Dark has been away slaughtering innocents over the holidays, but is back now, to find a new lair ready.
A vibrant, pulsing, throbbing vote will be erected soon.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:57 am Post subject: |
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The poll is flying. There were many good suggestions which didn't get added to the vote, but will be considered for use non-the less.
The AI cannot change his features, unless there is a holo-projector nearby which can be hacked into, and is sufficiently capable of projecting an image over him.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:49 am Post subject: |
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The Dark will begin writing the next chapter soon. The poll will not remain open much longer, if you wish to submit your opinion do so quickly.
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Mattheus
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| Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: |
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| Good read so far, really enjoying it
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:21 am Post subject: |
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voted for the winning option. Still following this enjoyable story!
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Just browsing, thank-you.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 1:49 am Post subject: |
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Very well. The voting is at an end, and a new chapter shall spew forth soon, filled with the filth you have come to expect, you depraved souls.
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| What soup do you recommend? |
| Run. Plain and simple. Get the AI to find a safe place nearby. |
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27% |
[ 3 ] |
| Grab the waitress, use the AI to cause a distraction and get out. |
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63% |
[ 7 ] |
| Grab the waitress, tell her to take him somewhere private. |
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9% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 11 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, Crossfire, Crunchyfrog, CunningFox, Cyberworm, D-Lotus, Mastermind, Mattheus, Mephistopheles, The Dark |
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