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Midnight
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 Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:27 pm Post subject: She said she loved me. |
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She said she loved me
I have decided that this is a 'one' only. It is not a chapter story. I tried to start it as one, but it ended up as some sappy love story. =P
Her room was a mess; it looked as if there had been a battle going on. She was on the floor, unconscious, un-moving, cold and not breathing. Beside her, pills scattered on the floor and a note.
No more shall I suffer the games of life,
No more will my wish for unbirth be denied,
No more will my eyes shed another tear.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I read the letter. I had not seen this coming. She was always smiling, always laughing, always joking. I know now that she must have been holding everything inside of her. Every bit of pain, sadness and grief.
No, she must have felt nothing over these past few weeks. I could see it in her eyes when I glanced at them that day. They were cold, dark and seemed to just drift by, scanning their surroundings. They did not match the emotion she was showing, but then they did not match her at all. The attitude she was delivering was far too calm. I should have known that she was not herself these past weeks.
She walked, but yet when she did, she did not seem to be bound to this world. She drifted across the world around her. Taking no notice of her surroundings, she did not seem to care. She crossed roads without considering the cars, she did care. She got punished by the school teachers, she did not care. She sang Happy Birthday to her friend... she did not care.
I walked her home, she told me her feelings. I responded those feelings back. I found it shocking at the time; she was never that forward with anything. She was quiet, shy. Yet within her quietness and shyness, there was also an energetic and social girl. She joked about things that she would never want in her life, but yet, I secretly knew she was yearning for those things.
She was a great writer; she wanted to be a novelist. But she always hid that fact, she was never encouraged to do anything connected to writing. Because of this, she was lost.
She was nearing her graduation, and she had not known what to do after it ended. She had so many things to think about and so many choices to get settled. But she could never decide, she could never choose. For every choice she made was thrown back at her face. They wouldn't accept it.
She did not want to go to University, she had only wanted to study more about English, to refine and improve her writing. But she went into something else, which also, was thrown back at her.
They wanted so much from their daughter; they didn't see her silent suffering. She just continued to laugh and smile, knowing she could not fully provide the greatness they wanted from her. She was middle classed, and they wanted a high class. For her skills were only so limited.
I remember the last thing she said to me. She said she loved me, but I could see it in her eyes she didn't. But I ignored all the signs, and in the end I was just like everyone else. I ignored her true self completely.
She said I love you.
What I fool I was.
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I would not exist if it twas day, so therefore I do not wish for light.
I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
Last edited by Midnight on Fri Oct 23, 2009 7:00 pm; edited 8 times in total
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sungmeena
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| Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:12 am Post subject: |
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| interesting.. hmmm... luv ur format , and story i could picture it all especially the beginning. keep up the good work middy!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:10 am Post subject: |
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Pretty nice Midders. 
The only thing I'd point out, and it's a common thing, is watch the start of your paragraphs/sentences. A large amount start with 'She' or 'I' and so forth. Might want to vary that a bit.
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Midnight
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| Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:50 am Post subject: |
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| Chinaren wrote: | | A large amount start with 'She' or 'I' and so forth. Might want to vary that a bit. |
Yes, I noticed that too a few paragraphs in. But when I read over those paragraphs, I decided to purposely set it out like that for the rest of it. lol
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I would not exist if it twas day, so therefore I do not wish for light.
I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
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muirne
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| Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:45 am Post subject: |
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| beautifully written. i can almost see the story taking place, unfolding.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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Nice,
But if your going to expand the story past the speaker and the girl he refers to, names will be necessary.(and it would help if they were in the initial story) But if you don't plan to, its not necessary.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:23 am Post subject: |
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| That was very nice story, sad. but It tells alot. I could imagine everything. Sometimes people look like their lying about something, in truth their not. Sometimes the fact that "Just desserts gets dished out" or the fact that the just desserts seems to pile up on one person, seems to be tough. I think this was well set out, If you might, write more, see if you write about this, you'd develop the characters more... I believe people have their own stories to tell.
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:53 am Post subject: |
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that was beautiful, it almost made me cry. i think just this one segment tells a whole story.
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