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TruePurple
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 Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: Adventures of John Chapter 2. Now in polling |
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Please put any feedback about format, grammar, spelling, or anything other then discussion of DP & plot (largely future plot or how current plot relates to future) here please.
Expositional Prologue:(feel free to skip)
Maralyn Hinstil:
So your new to Shellor? Its just nice to see that old house filled. Any neighbors are appreciated, we don't see many people here on the outskirts of town here.
Neighbor that just moved in (named Brent):
So is this a nice town?
Maralyn:
Its decent, except for the occasional fight. Most of those fights usually happen around a place called the red coin. A bunch of mercenaries for hire. The occasional festival helps keep people neighborly and the place from getting too boring.
Brent:
Much around here for work?
Maralyn:
Those without farmland can sometimes find work with the fisheries, the red coin hires guards to "protect" traveling merchants. But it feels like a scam to me, I don't trust them. Theres also a number of miscellaneous shops and trades that hire out.
Brent:
I saw what you were doing with your husband and son earlier. Are you preparing in case the trees attack? The guards prevent those vile goblins from getting anywhere near the town as I am sure you know.
Maralyn:
It isn't always safe, even in town. Me and William want our boy John to never be helpless no matter what the circumstances.
Brent:
Isn't he a bit young to train for combat? He looks nine, or maybe ten years old.
Maralyn:
Well, we want to be natural for him. I was trained myself even earlier. We started training him a year ago. At first he resisted the training, but now hes pretty enthusiastic. William worries maybe a bit too enthusiastic. I told him he worries too much.
John:
Mom! I just finished protecting the entire village from a orc invasion! You should have seen me!
Maralyn:
That's nice sweety, but play times over, you have more chores to do you know.
John:
Yes mom.
About eight years later . . . .
* * *
1
. . . . In the quiet seaside town of Shellor, the shrill cry of a rooster pierces the dawn. A mute thud and creaking wooden floorboards follow a seventeen year old boy's awakening. Giving a long groan, he gets up then sleepily wanders down stairs to wash up to do a chore he had been doing since he was seven. Milking the cows gives stability to Johns life but sometimes the regularity bored him. Struggling to stay awake, he distracts himself by counting the milk squirts. As he shivers in the chill air, the hairs on his brown skin rise up.
. . . . When the most delectable smell reaches John, he leads mildo to pasture & grabs the two reasonably full buckets.
. . . . "Breakfast!" he exclaims in delight, as he hustles inside the cozy log home with its sparse decorations to put the milk in the pantry to cool.
. . . . "Now John," his mother reproaches as she flips pancakes in a old cast iron skillet, "Off with the shoes and wash up from milking ol mildo. You know better." "Right Mom" he exclaims.
. . . . After washing up he gives her a big hug and a thank you kiss then sits down and starts eating in a manner some of the pigs would blush to use.
. . . . Approaching footsteps reveal John's groggy father who had uncharacteristically overslept. Mom clicks her tongue at Dad in a disapproving fashion as he sits down to eat. His father too embarrassed to reply.
. . . . After having eaten enough to quell his rumbling stomach, Dad looks at John trying to find the right words to something, not that John notices as he continues to chow down.
. . . . Very nervous Dad launches into his speech "I had to take that wooden sword away you know.."
. . . . John looks up at him with exasperation in his eyes.
. . . . "We've been training you so you may protect yourself and your loved ones. Not to run off as some big hero in a far off land. Trust me son. It will just get you killed."
. . . . "How would you know Dad?" John dryly replies.
. . . . "It just will! Don't argue with me boy, I know of what I say!" Frustration & anger flash on father's face masking the fear for his son underneath.
. . . . Realizing that he is just making things worse, he softens his tone. "Besides you're needed here. I would love for you to be able to take over workings of the farm some day."
. . . . John wonders how his dad would have him sit on the sidelines doing nothing to stop evil he knows is out there. But says nothing and having finished eating starts to clear the table.
. . . . Putting on a happier face dad changes the topic. "Hows your spelling coming along?"
. . . . "Fine Dad" John said hoping beyond hope that would be the end of the conversation.
. . . . But it wasn't. "How about your history. Have you learned about that Finor conspiracy yet?"
. . . . John gives his dad a funny look "That's Finon Dad, and no we don't learn that till next semester."
. . . . "Oh" says his dad, having run out of things to talk about.
* * *
2
. . . . John finishes washing the last breakfast dish as his mom walks in.
. . . . "If you two are about done with the melodramas you're late for school John. You know how your teacher feels about tardy students"
. . . . John glances at their well worn grandfather clock. Its going to be close but if he hurries...Carefully laying down the dish he was washing John dashes upstairs for his books then out the door crying out "Love you Mom and Dad" as he exits.
. . . . His mom calls out after him to not forget to pick up more bread from Bermon the local baker.
. . . . Arriving just as the giant school yard bell is crying out its first deep throated boom he scurries to his seat as his teacher hands out parchments. "You've had all fall to learn this stuff. This should be no problem for any of you."
. . . . John looks unhappily at the pop quiz parchment but as he gets to work, he realizes its all stuff he knew. Much of the day was like that. Most material had already been covered many times before. As the school day draws to a close he glances wistfully out the window. "Someday I'm going to make them all proud...." he says to himself. A moment of melancholy and love for his folks briefly passes over him.
. . . . With school finally over, John heads out of the old red brick building. At first he heads towards home, but then remembers the bread his mom wanted him to pick up. The many rows of houses, simple and similar yet different, hanging over his path as he heads downwards. The whole city curved down towards its port, like a half a bowl next to a lake. The din from these white plastered buildings with their brown wooden trim was loud.
. . . . 'The city is always so noisy' he thinks to himself, having forgotten how unwise it is to be lost in thought on such a busy road he nearly runs headlong into someone. As he comes out of the bakery with a basket of delicious smelling fresh from the oven bread, a most startling sight meets his eyes.
. . . . A man, dressed in some very expensive chainlink, is chasing and hollering at a small boy of no more than 10 years of age. He shortly over takes the kid pushing him down then stepping on him. "You'll pay, you filthy thief!" The venomous anger and disgust in his voice sends shivers down Johns spine. The man pulls out his obviously very expensive sword and points it at the small boy.
. . . . John, more out of reflex then thinking, quickly grabs a street sweeper. Charging full tilt at the villain he attempts to use the sweeper as a sword, trying one of his better moves, the round house side jab.
. . . . The warrior grasps the wooden handle and uses the sweeper to shove John to the ground. John scrambles to his feet, then tries to wrest the sword out of the warrior's hands.
. . . . Fighting him off, the warrior smacks John in in the right eye, causing nausea and blinding pain.
. . . . John stumbles down in a daze as the warrior looks at him with a mixture of anger and mirth at the ineffectual interference. "Stay out of this stranger. This boys a thief and he deserves what's coming to him."
. . . . The small boy looks up, still pinned to the ground by the mans right foot, with a pleading look in his eyes.
. . . . John feels real fear now. Along with terrible nausea from his eye wounds. Almost every fiber in his being telling him to run. A small but strong part of him compelled him to stay. No matter what, he was not going to let that boy die. "NO!" John shouts who despite the blinding pain struggles to his feet.
. . . . "Well you have no say in the matter boy." The warrior raises his sword up in the air.
* * *
3
. . . . A terrible moment of indecision flashed through John's mind. His fear waged a swift and silent battle with his compassion. He thought of his family and how they would miss him. But he would not, could not let that boy die.John flings himself over the boy holding the sweeper as an absurd shield to block the blow of the incoming blade.
. . . . "So be it." says the exasperated warrior. "You shall die with him." he says with a icy tone as he arcs his blade down upon the two. As the sword comes down it jars John's arms as it easily slices through the wooden handle of the sweeper.
. . . . John closes his left eye in acceptance of the inevitable. Saying a quick silent prayer that his family might be well taken care of when he is gone, John braces himself.
. . . . A loud resounding metal upon metal sound two inches from his face causes him to cautiously open his left eye again in curiosity. There in front of his face were two gleaming swords criss crossing. As he follows the shine of the second blade to its holder he sees a wondrous sight indeed.
. . . . The paladin he sees is wearing a richly decorated suite with insignias and crests on it. Most of which he couldn't make out as the sun was shining down so brightly and glancing off all that metal that it nearly gave the stranger the appearance of being one step short of the sun itself.
. . . . The paladin growls at the warrior. "Back off villain!" Giving a grunt as he struggles with his sword arm against the warrior's two arms he shoves the warrior back. "What cause of violence do you have against these two that you would murder them in cold blood?"
. . . . The disgruntled warrior growls back "The little one is a bloody pickpocket and that youngster interfered, just like you did!"
. . . . The paladin glances at the man's obvious wealth and narrows his eyes "You can get your stuff back but thieves must be brought to justice. No murdering, even of pickpockets, will be allowed on my watch!" Adding curtly "Anyway its clear you can afford a small loss"
. . . . "What right have you, a mere pleb, to decide what wealth I may lose?! I shall have my revenge, no one may pickpocket from the Gerston Goldmin the fourth!" at that Gerston renews his lunge at the two and a sword fight ensues.
* * *
4
. . . . John struggles to get up and to see with his left eye what is happening.
. . . . The small boy still underneath him squirms out and runs off. As out of it as John is he can still see clearly this ignoble warrior is no match for our hero. With a magnificent grace and ease the righteous paladin counters every move of the murderous Gerston's as though the paladin knew the next move of his opponent before he himself knew.
. . . . As they fight Gerston exclaims "Why must everyone interfere with my business?"
. . . . "The murder of children is my business scum." the paladin replies.
. . . . "But that piece of garbage is a wretched thief!" the wretched warrior bemoans.
. . . . As the paladin over comes Gerston, he disarms him with a twist of his wrist. Then pushes him down and slams his plate gloves into the warrior's plate helmet which rings like a bell. Then pushes the mostly unconscious man to two city guards, who like most of the town, had collected there to see what the commotion was all about.
. . . . "Take him to jail for attempted murder." the paladin instructs the guards. The guards, with a slight bow of respect for the renown paladin, drag off the man. The victorious paladin then faces the crowd and gives a warning. "No murders will be tolerated on my watch!"
. . . . The paladin then turns to face John, who was barely able to stand up from all the excitement and exhaustion. He pats him on the shoulder. "That was a brave thing you did there son. We could use more with your kind of courage in our fight against the terrible things that threaten to hurt innocents like that boy."
. . . . John could only look with a wide eyed at the great paladin "Really?"
. . . . "You bet." the paladin assures him. Taking off his plate glove, he examines Johns right eye. "Are you alright?" the paladin inquires with compassion in his voice.
. . . . "I'll live" John insists. The paladin nods understandingly and throws him some coins. "You should see a healer about that eye." he suggests. "Now if you will excuse me I have business to attend to" the paladin explains as he leaves.
* * *
5
. . . . The excitement of the events combines with the nauseating pain of his increasingly swelling right eye to the point that John can take it no longer. He quickly runs to the nearest bush and pukes his guts out. As he comes back quite exhausted to get his basket of bread he saw the little boy from before.
. . . . The scamp is stealing his bread! John almost gave chase but thought better of it and calls after him..
. . . . "Ingrate!" Walking over to the single last piece of bread and after brushing off the liberal amount of dirt that had collects on it shoves it in his pocket. He then begins walking home. Half the time half running from the excitement of everything that had happened. Half the time barely able to move at all and collapsing numerous times in exhaustion. As he approaches his farm house he decides to leave out details of his attempted heroism to his folks. While for all the world he wanted to brag about what he had tried to do he knew his father and mother would only disapprove of the reckless endangerment of his life.
. . . . John spends all the next day sleeping off his injuries. The healer had assured his folks he would make a full recovery though. The next day they learned Gerston had paid his way out of trouble, that paladin having already moved on. There was also talk of Gerston looking to get revenge.
. . . . That night his father catches him looking out at the night with his left eye. Touching him on the shoulder he gives a heavy sigh.
. . . . "I suppose nothing I can do. . especially now, could ever dissuade you from becoming a foolhardy hero." His voice sounding sad and defeated.
. . . . Without taking his eyes off the horizon, John responds "No Dad. You don't understand. . " he starts to explain but his dad hushes him.
. . . . "Listen son there is something you must know. Me and your mom use to be silver serpent paladins. One day I was in a great & terrible battle that cost me my best friend as well as others I had known a long time. We were losing. Not wishing to die or lose the love of my life I convinced her to flee with me."
. . . . John's dark brown eyes seemingly entranced as he listens.
. . . . "Later I heard word that they had actually survived and won, barely. And that our names were being called on for justice for our flight from battle. So we hide away investing what money we had into this farm."
. . . . John sat wordlessly shocked at this confession.
* * *
6
. . . . Mother comes in from behind and wraps her arms around them both. Giving John a bit of a startle and a jump, such was his concentration listening to father tell his tale. "It was worth it and I regret it not one bit" She lovingly giving them both a mighty squeeze, leaving the two a bit breathless. "Best decision I ever made" she exclaims.
. . . . "It was with love that I protected you from such peril. I never wanted to see some I cared about die in battle again." Dad explains.
. . . . "But listen son" his father says gently "I do love you" Tears start to swell up in fathers eyes. "And I am proud of you, don't you . . ever . . think otherwi . se" Fathers voice starts to break up at this point."And if you want to join those ranks and be the great hero I know you can be then do so, you would be going with my blessings" His father beams at him with tears streaking down his face.
. . . . Mother gives them both another gigantic squeeze and a peck on their cheeks. "Well I'm glad we have that nonsense over with. Lets go downstairs and enjoy some apples and milk." John was somewhat crying himself.
. . . . "I'd love that mom" He croaks out then follows her downstairs to the kitchen.
. . . . John spent a week more recovering, doing the daily chores and putting his affairs in order. It's with a sad but hopeful heart that he waves good-bye to his folks as he sets out on the road to find out what adventures that might await him and good deeds he might render in the service of others.
. . . . Some day. he hopes and prays. I'll come back to home. Don't worry Mom and Dad. I wont forget you!
* * *
. . . . Mom, though separated by distance from her son, whispers to herself in a strange knowing way... I know son.....I know..
(Father hearing her whisper to herself :"what's that honey?" mother: "Oh nothing. Get back to work you lazy bones" She chides him.)
This last bit is more a attempt at humor than actually part of the story
Last edited by TruePurple on Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:18 pm; edited 82 times in total
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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. . . For those who read the original linear story I have made the following changes:
1. Provided a few physical descriptors mixed in.
. . . He is a black haired brown skinned 17 year old with dark brown eyes of average height.(descriptor is rather arbitrary, but I wanted him to have one)
2. I made it that Gerston is free and searching for him. The paladin who assisted him earlier has since left town. So that he needs to get out of town soon. Unless he stayed holed up at the farm forever and that simply isn't a option for John.
3. I removed references to him learning magic & having books(they aren't terribly well off, maybe they have some books, but not many) Also John has only learned fighting from his parents, not school. And not that much. (not specified in the story but I'm telling you here)
4. His father and mother ran away from battle instead of honorably being wounded in battle. No medal either. I figure that might make things between his folks and him more interesting as well as anyone from the guild finding out who his folks are.
. . . John wants to get some training first. To that end his folks had given him 350 silver. Money they had been saving up for him for awhile. Enough to live on really basic food for maybe 2 years with some basic cloths purchase as well.
. . . But he has no sword or shield. He can purchase each from the local blacksmith for about 125 silver each. Considering the workmanship this is no bargain. (local blacksmith is lazy and not too skilled but does have some) But would be at least some protection. They would be reasonably functionable. Otherwise he has a crude wooden sword which is as much a joke as a weapon.
. . . John has heard of a training camp inland (he lives in a shore town) that the silver serpent paladin guild use to train that could train him. This training will not be free and hes heard its some distance & that the way is dangerous (could it be worth buying arms so he could attempt fending off any danger?) He is also not exactly sure what direction it lies.
. . . John does not know how much it will cost to train when he gets there either. If he buys the weapons he might not even be able to afford the training, hell if he doesn't buy them he might not be able to afford the training (but its much more likely he will be able to afford it) Either way hes pretty sure the camp would supply its own armorment if he does get there.
. . . John has also heard that the silver serpent paladin guild headquarters lies off on large island. Maybe if he could get there and enroll they would provide him with free training and what not. John isn't sure what they require for enrolling (theres been changes since his parents time there) or even if they are recruiting at all. To get there he could pay passage on a ship. But that is not cheap. 100 silver. He could try to see if he can get the fare reduced by working as a deck swab. Or he could try and stow away, that ship is known to make regular stops by that island.
. . . I have adventures & characters to meet planned out a bit of the way for both main paths. And ideas on what might happen if he decides to purchase the armorment or not, stow away or not as well. These options won't lead to the characters demise. But eventually there may be options so dangerous that if picked the protagonist could die. Things like whether you bought the arms may just decide whether a option is deadly, or rewarding, or it may not. Choose carefully 
. . . I will put up the poll now, but if you wish to suggest another path/option or even a specific story plot outside of that which I have already thought up. Please feel free to share.
. . . There will be 5 options. With two main options. The main options get counted together.
Last edited by TruePurple on Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:47 pm; edited 2 times in total
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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. . . Something I have forgotten to include.(I did sorta in one of the poll options) The roads inland being rumored to be dangerous are also filled with trade between cities. So there is alot of work as a body guard. Even inexperience body guards may be able to find some work (and travel in the direction he desires as well). Assuming he is armed (odds are noone is going to hire him when his only weapon is a wooden sword). It is also rumored to pay pretty well
. . . Oh and the immediate road outside of the city to the next is considered safer then most.
Lets say those arms you can buy are closer to average quality (but a little on the low side of average)
And I also forgot to mention there is rumored to be a few silver serpent outposts further inland which may or may not take membership.
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Black Hawk
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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Very nice Purple now I'm not much of a technical person (as evidenced in my story's horrible grammar) but I like the story and the bold dialogue helps make it more visible I voted for him to stow away as he'll need every penny to pay for his tuition/entrance fee
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Michael Crichton one of the greatest writers of his time 1942-2008 rest in peace
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Voted for inland, tough the guild one is winning.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 1:13 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 2
* * *
7
. . . . Before John leaves, his mom packs some tent material, long lasting foods and other supplies, including some of her delicious tasting spiced apple jam with its tongue awakening bite. Stuffed into a backpack it made for quite the load. Having heard the trip was long indeed, he had bought some low grade long lasting sea biscuits and such to boost his supplies. John feels nervously excited about the future opening up for him. Down to the sea he goes, the pack bouncing and straining his back. He was going to need to get use to this.
. . . . As he arrives at the port he spots the ship he had heard about, the Steel Line. It got most of the ship business, with very little competition. There use to be more ships it was said, but few had any idea why so many stopped coming. It was clearly weather beaten, probably having seen better days. Despite this it was a grand sight. A huge vessel with a wooden mermaid masthead. Giant treelike masts supporting dingy, not so white sails; the strategically placed bronze trim was now a tarnished brownish black. The sight so impressed John that he paused midstride to take her in. Clearly despite harsh treatment, this mighty ship had kept together and in good form admirably.
. . . . In front was a large pile of barrels, wooden boxes and other cargo that a lone sailor was hauling in. As the sailor brings in the next load, John runs in and hides behind the impressive amount of cargo still to be loaded on. Peering out between two barrels as the sailor continues her work. John is fixated by what he sees.
. . . . Her brown work clothes, almost as dingy as the ship but in alot rougher shape, isn't much to look at. But the medium sized beauty with short brown hair, firm cleavage, well toned large muscles & flawless skin (except for the occasional scar telling of unknown battles) under those clothes, sure is a sight. John watches her transfixed, almost forgetting his goal of sneaking aboard. At some point John could have sworn she looked right at him, but chalked that up to imagination. Snapping out of it, John waits till she goes in with the next load.. Running up the plank and into the ship.
. . . . But where to go next? John looks around desperately. He can hear her down below. She would be back soon. Then John sets upon a plan. Hiding behind a corner as she comes up, pulling himself tight as there wasn't much space to hide away, he waits till she was out to grab the next cargo. Then runs down to the bowels of the ship, dashing behind a pile of cargo. He waits down there quietly, nervously. Stealing quick peeps between spaces he watches and waits for her to finish. Once again he could have sworn he saw her look right at him, wishful thinking.. no, paranoia? John takes some quiet deep breaths to steady his nerves.
* * *
8
. . . . After waiting for what felt like almost a day some loud noises and the increasing rocking of the ship told John they were underway. So did his stomach which protested vigorously at the unfamiliar motion. Many a heart pounding trip to relieve his poor stomach over the rails lest the pollution foul his hiding place thus revealing it. The occasional trips to deal with the other end were even worse. It was only understandable that John ate & drank as little as he could for a very long time, leaving poor John in a sad state as weeks stretched on.
. . . . One day a sailor comes down into the cargo hold. This was not unusual. Many a time someone had come down there, presumably to fetch food supplies stored there. Because of this, John usually had to remain alert and quiet rather then risk playing games, lest he be heard by someone coming down. Thus John was bored as well as sickish.
. . . . But this time it was different. The sailor wouldn't leave. What ever the sailor is looking for he clearly can't find it. A loud crash as a moved stack of barrels falls over makes John jump terribly. A curse followed as the sailor continues working his way back through the cargo. John risks a peek. Can't see. . . , he says to himself. . . no wait . . . Finally the sailor turns around into his view. It was the same woman from before when he first snuck aboard. She was clearly having trouble finding what ever it was she was searching for. The longer it took to find what ever it was, the more vigorously she searches, and the more reckless she is with the cargo. So that slowly, but at a increasing rate she manages to work her way through. She is getting close. He had quietly dodged out of her search area several times but there didn't seem to be any more room for that.
. . . . John curls up into a ball pulling himself tightly behind a large wooden box. His heart pounded so hard he felt it would pop out of his chest.
. . . . "Hello, filthy rat"
. . . . The words so close, it can't be. He tentatively glances up, into the sword pointed down at him, past which was her relieved looking face.
. . . . "I knew you had to be down here somewhere stowaway. You sure made me look hard though" The sailor says with a grin. She wipes the beading sweat on her brow away with her sleeve.
. . . . John looked at her speechless with horror at being caught.
. . . . "Now heres the deal skalleywag. We have two choices here. I could take you to our captain. The captain doesn't much like stowaways. You're likely to be fed to the sharks." She pauses, letting her words sink in.
. . . . John shrinks back in terror.
. . . . "Ooor" She drawls "You could help me. See the captain hasn't paid us right for awhile now. The way I see it, I'm owed a payment. This ship will do just fine." She pauses for a moment looking lost in thought. "But I need a distraction to complete this mutiny of mine. If you will be that distraction. I will pay you well. You like your life, right? I thought so. Then I will let you keep yours. A fine payment indeed. Tell you what, I am in a good mood, I will throw in allowing you to stay on board as a passenger for free too!"
. . . . "So what be your answer pond scum, answer me quick enough else I will decide for you!"
Last edited by TruePurple on Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:26 am; edited 28 times in total
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 1:45 am Post subject: |
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Nicely done, Purps. Perhaps slightly rushed, but there's still plenty of time for information to be released in a relaxed manner. Otherwise, It's flowing nicely, and this newest predicament may serve to advance the plot in interesting ways.
Any other suggestions I'll go through with you in chat.
In depth Critiques aren't my thing, better to leave it for professionals like Hairy or Crunchy.
As for the DP, he hasn't got much of a choice. There's always the possiblity the sailor is lying about her captain's temper, but John simply does not have the luxury of choosing. An inexperienced person like him, despite his being somewhat morally zealous, will be scared into submission. Coupled with his likely guilt of having sneaked on board, he's might as well be a puppet in her hands.
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Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:40 am Post subject: |
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I suppose that he could reply in negation, stating that his life in its' current state isn't all that grand, so she may as well kill him, but three chapter stories aren't much fun to write. Pretty much the only thing you left us with is to discover what manner of distraction is to be utilized to encourage a mutinous crew and assure take over of the ship.
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Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:18 am Post subject: |
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. . . Well I think there are at least a few options here, like telling the captain when brought in front of em. She didn't say she would kill him there if turned down. But then, he does know of her mutiny plans.
. . . Or agreeing then running for a life boat when you get a chance.. Or what ever. You guys would have had more choices had you paid for a ticket but that doesn't mean you're choiceless.
. . . You could play along for awhile hoping to do something else.
. . . Ok a little help. If asked what her plan is for distracting the captain. It will be ironically to bring him before the captain as a stowaway. Then she would take over the ship theoretically before John could be harmed. Assuming she does win the ship. But this plan will make escaping if you want to hard. Maybe he can convince her of another plan if you want.
. . . Assisting the mutiny, working against it, or trying to make a break for a lifeboat. (different ways you can do them too) All three are dangerous. And you guys wanted to save a bit of money by stowing away. 
. . . Remember, what you pick here will certainly effect your options and potentially your fate with what happens after this (and so on)
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| Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | His hear pounded so hard he felt it would pop out of his chest. |
It should be heart
I think he should listen to the lady, maybe when the captain notices him and then he does the distraction, the captain be amazed, but eventually catch the child and stop the mutiny. Then the boy should talk to the captain.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the catch of the spelling error, I would appreciate such comments in the critique thread (or PM), but no biggie.
So be the distraction exactly like the mutineer wants, don't warn the captain. And if the captain wins, say you had no choice? Did I get it right? What should John do when the mutiny starts?(alot of people will be distracted by it)
But the outcome. Thats a secret.  See you choose the course of action, but I choose the outcome. I mean I will listen to a certain degree about plot devices. Especially latter on when I get past material already figured out. But I figure part of the fun is not knowing.  Real danger (protagonist can die) as well as real potential profit/greatness just around the bend.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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| Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
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| He should protect the captain, maybe he'll get into the good side of the captain if he has a good side. If he is forced to jump boat then do it in a dingy. If the captain sais he wants to sink with the ship, then knock him out cold and then take him with you, then he'd be angry with you becuase his darling sunk without him. Eventaully you'd probably hlp each other but have a distance between each other.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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It would be helpful if you told me exactly how you want the option to be worded that you want.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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| Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Follow the lady, do the mutiny and jump boat if you must
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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Okay. As I see it he dies if he doesnt somehow placate her right?
My suggestion is that he sides with her with the later intention of negotiating for his passage.
I would suggest a struggle or some such but that cant end well for the starving boy that isnt suppoused to be on board.
Or maybe he charges past her, up the stairs and jumps overboard, somehow managing to grab something floaty and avoid the gunfire?
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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Make a distraction, consisting of stabbing the mutinous sailor.
then when brought to the captain, explain the situation, then kill him too.
Then figure out how to sail a ship by yourself (after having dispatched the rest of the crew, of course)
jk.
I think that he should go along with it, personally. But I'm not a aspiring paladin.
he would probably see it as his duty to do the right thing, especially with the guilt of his parents hanging above his head.
He might even get a letter of recommendation out of this.
Although the most likely situation is that he'll be dead.
Or maimed.
Simply because mutinies usually require either the agreement of a majority of the crew, or the solid knowledge that they won't object and kill the mutineers.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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Ok folks there are at least two parts to this. First part is what he says to her. While she didn't say she would kill him if he refused her offer, it seems very possible. So he would likely want to tell her what she wants to hear. That doesn't mean he needs to do what he said he was going to do. He might offer a different plan that would work better with his intended action if he plans to do something different then what he says, assuming she agrees.
Which brings us to the second part, what he does afterwards. Which could be a range of actions with different parts. Suggests in regards to this would be nice.
As far as the nonmutinying crew, there may not be many of them. But then again she may just plan to kill them or just force them into submission.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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ceej
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| Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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I quite like this. It has a good pace and then this big choice. Obviously take the help out offer but try get a bit more out of it. Save her life, she's forever in det. That sort of thing!
=]]
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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Poll options 1 & 2 3 & 4 and 5 & 6 will be added together first, then I will pick the option between them which has the most votes. For example.
1. Three votes
2. Two votes
3. Four votes
4. 0 votes
Since the combined total of 1 & 2 is greater then the combined total of 3 & 4. Options 1 & 2 win the poll. Since option 1 has more votes then option 2, option 1 wins the poll.
If you want John to suggest a alternative plan other then him suggesting being the spearhead of the attack on the captain (which she may or may not accept) Please list what you want instead here.
I am in the process of adding more detail to my story. Please tell me what you think in the feedback thread. Does it enrich the story or just slow down the story with unnecessary info, or something of both? Do people like the prologue I added?
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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Jack_D.Mented
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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I think he'll go for it.
She kind of has him in between a rock and a hard place.
And... he's a young man and he's VERY attracted to her as previously stated.
It wouldn't be the first time a lad did something dumb to get a girl's attention. 
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Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Jack_D.Mented wrote: | | It wouldn't be the first time a lad did something dumb to get a girl's attention. |
Indeed. 
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Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 12:31 am Post subject: |
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*Bump*I vanished for awhile but not necessarily forever. I don't want to see my story thread deleted anyway, and to properly update it might take more time then I have right now within regards to your date. Please move the thread.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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| He agrees to help.. |
| 1. He is putty in her hands, might as well just play along, be the distraction like she wants. |
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42% |
[ 3 ] |
| 2. The captain must die! Request to be a fighter and kill the captain yourself. Then do so to prove your loyalty to the new captain, if the mutineers win that is. |
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28% |
[ 2 ] |
| 3. Request to be a fighter and to be the first to attack the captain. But instead use that to warn the captain. |
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14% |
[ 1 ] |
| 4. Play along with you as the distraction for now, but keep a eye out for a way to warn the captain or anyone else. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| 5. Play along as planned but if the option presents itself, run to the nearest life raft to make your escape from this madness. |
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14% |
[ 1 ] |
| 6. Use the suggestion of you being a attacking fighter to try to make a opportunity to run to that life raft. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 7 |
| Who Voted: DeadManWalking, Jack_D.Mented, Novelest_Ninjagirl, Reasoner, Syranore, The Meaning Of Fear |
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