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VenomousAngel
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 Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 11:07 am Post subject: |
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Your welcome Sagi darling, I enjoy reading everyones stories. Hope to read your continuation shortly!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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Stay put. You'll only make yourself suspicious trying to 'innocently' figure out if anyone's been hospitalized. Also, screw the newspaper, doesn't he have a radio...television...computer through which to get the radio. Also if I'm not mistaken, if this is a large enough school (and if it's got promising surgeons and researchers it likely is) what about campus radio? They'd be all over some bloody person staggering around campus...if she did.
So your best bet is to stay home, start scrubbing, and rub some dryer sheets on the carpet when your done. Peroxide has a smell to it that's just a big a telltale that it's been used. If you've got room spray, and are really going to start covering things up even further, you want the place spotless and smelling fresh.
Also I'd start checking closets...and the fridge/freezer. Unless she was A)removed afterward, B) not human, C) keeping a handy bucket of pig blood around at all times, or D) killing someone else and framing you for it...she's in the unchecked closet or dismembered and stored away.
Nice stuff. I'm enjoying this read.
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 4:51 am Post subject: I Think . . . . . |
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This is definately an interesting take on 'The morning after" thing I love so much. I like my moderns with enough realism to be believable, but not overwhelmingly so, and you pull it off real well. My heart was pounding in time with out hero's, which atests to how well you get us inside the character's head. Love it!
As for the DP. . . . . .I would not only scrub the house clean, but hunt down any clues that may have been left behind. I mean, if it really was her, there is no way she walked, or was carried/dragged out without some kind of transfer somewhere. After the apartment, move to the halls and basement. Do some detective work!
Keep up the amazing work sagitt-kun!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:25 am Post subject: |
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Hey Sagi!
This story continues to be engrossing, and is quickly becoming one of my favourites. It's well written, well edited, and the emotions of the characters, as well as their behaviour, is believeable. Really very well done indeed! 
For the dp...I'm going to say Seb should stay in and clean the apartment. Check all the rooms for any tell-tale signs of anything out of the ordinary having happened. It will also allow for Seb to discover any little clues as to what actually happened the night before lurking around his home.
Much enjoyed Sagi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 4:51 am Post subject: |
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I think he'd be more inclined to stay put now. He's shared his problem with Dan, he's got stuff to do to keep him occupied. Dan has said there's been nothing in the papers, so there's not much point going to check right now. He has the girl's name. I love how you keep repeating the name over and over.
Something tells me that Martha will report a negative sighting at the lecture today...
Still, there's nothing he can do right now but wait. And of course there's no body...
Good chapter. Much enjoyed!
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Kalanna, Pope, Tika and Crunchy. Thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting! I'm having a lot of fun with this story, so I'm happy that you guys are enjoying it too! 
I'll be putting up a poll soon, so anyone planning to comment, do it soon.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 9:31 am Post subject: |
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FINALLY getting to this, Sagi. great work! still loving it!!
STAY. clean, investigate around the apartment...whatever...just STAY.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Andi!
It looks like I won't have a problem with poll ties this chapter. Awesome. Speaking of which, the poll is coming up shortly.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Poll is up!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Oooh. The second option looks intriguing...
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Poll closed and next chapter in writing!
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2012 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 4: Memory is a funny thing.
The nicely formatted version: In HTML
****************
I was no stranger to blood. Especially someone else's. It wasn't too long ago, when I was covered in a loved one. Much like this morning. Except, this time I have no memory of how it happened.
Her eyes were fixed to the sky as I knelt over her. I called out her name and cradled her head in my trembling hands. There was nothing I could do, I knew from the moment I saw her eyes. But I tried anyway. I placed my palm upon her chest, and wrapped my other hand around it. I felt her ribs sink beneath my weight as I repeated the compressions for half a minute.
It must have been instantaneous. She must not have suffered at all.
Blood trickled down her brow, dampening her dark curls. Blue black bruises were quickly forming around her arms and thighs. A large, green shard was protruding from her side. I tried to breath life into her mouth, and continued compressing her chest.
They told me she had died on impact. That she did not feel her bones break. That she did not feel the broken bottle drive through her kidney.
Someone tried to pull me away from her, telling me it was hopeless. That I was too late. But I refused to leave her side. I wrapped my arms around her and begged her to come back. But she wouldn't listen. She would only stare at the sky.
*How many times must I relive this?* I closed my eyes shook my head. *Breath*. When I opened them, I was back in my apartment.
I stared at the book in my hands. 'The Great Gatsby', by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I was sitting cross-legged by the bookshelf, with almost all of my books forming a tower on the ground next to me. *That's right,* I was going through my books one by one, checking for blood stains that may have snuck in. Looks like I woke up from one nightmare just to be into another. With a sigh, I continued on with my task as if I had never stopped.
It wasn't the first time I had the disorienting flashback. The novel must have triggered it. It was her favourite, the classics. We used to argue about it, because I had very much preferred contemporary literature, and she wasn't afraid to point out that I was 'wrong'.
Unthinkingly, I reached into my jeans pocket, and froze. *It's not there.*
*Calm down, it's probably still by your bedside,* I chastised myself for overreacting. After everything that had happened since I woke up, it was no surprise that I had forgotten it.
Despite telling myself that, I couldn't shake off the feeling of uneasiness. When I couldn't think about anything else anymore, I put the book on top of the others, and rushed into my bedroom. My heart skipped a beat. It wasn't on the dresser either.
My mind became blank. Then, it was filled with panic and confusion. Where could it be? For two years, it hasn't been anywhere else but inside my pocket when I'm out, and on top of my dresser when I'm home. I grabbed my phone and activated the fast dial. No one else had been in my apartment but Dan. I started pacing around the house. He must had known something. I couldn't lose it, now. I wasn't ready yet.
"Seb?"
"Dan, it's gone. I can't find it. I don't know where it is. I---"
"Hang on, Seb, what's gone?"
I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "The ring."
"Terri's ring? Dammit Seb, don't scare me like that. I thought..." he sighed. "Never mind. Have you checked your pockets?"
"Yes, of course---"
"Not the one you're wearing right now. The *other* one."
"Oh," I suddenly understood what he meant. Of course. I looked over at the bundle of soaking fabrics in my kitchen sink. Did I really leave my engagement ring in there? I ran over to it and started digging through my bloodied pants' pockets.
"Well?"
I threw the pants back into the sink and cursed softly. "It's not there either. Dan, what do I do?"
He breathed frustratedly over the phone. "Seb, we'll look for it later, together, okay? Right now, I need you to focus on cleaning up the place."
At first, I was going to tell him 'no'. "Okay, fine," I conceded instead. My best friend had enough of my problems to deal with already, I realised. "How is it going over there?"
"I'm working on purifying the genetic material from the blood plasma. I should be able to put it through the machine to check for protein markers after that. Oh, did you know that human red blood cells don't actually contain genetic material?"
High school biology was coming back to me. "That makes sense. They were designed to maximise their oxygen-carrying capacity, if I remember right. So, you're looking for proteins commonly found in human DNA?" *To find out if I killed a human being, like Kirsten?*
I could practically hear him smile. "Yeah, you got it. Of course you did, you've always been the smarter one."
"Don't sell yourself short, brain surgeon."
"Aww damn, that means a lot, coming from mister rocket scientist."
"Wha---astrophysics and rocket science are *not* the same thing!"
I could hear my best friend bursting into laughter over my reaction. That idiot riled me up on purpose, I found myself smiling in realisation. It was then I understood why I kept turning to Dan whenever I felt bad. He always knew how to make me feel better.
"Thanks, Dan. I don't know what I'd do without you," I allowed.
"You'll never have to find out, I promise."
I laughed a bit. "Okay, this is getting a little too mushy for me, now."
"Oh yeah, totally. Let's hang up before it gets out of hand."
"Out of hand? What's the worst that could happen?"
"You know what? You're right. Let's just get married now."
I guffawed at that. "Okay, okay, fine, dumbass. I'm hanging up now."
"Ooo, I've always wanted an outdoor ceremony in a vineyard. Wait, who's gonna be my best man---"
I quickly hung up and laughed to myself for a minute. Feeling a lot better now, I finished going through my books. Then, I went on to check the broom closet, the kitchen cupboards, the mirror cabinet in the bathroom and the coffee table drawers. I even moved my couch a couple of feet just to make sure there was nothing underneath it. A few hours later, I was satisfied with my efforts. There was absolutely nothing new to be found, to my relief. *Living room, check. Kitchen, check. Bathroom, check.* Now, only the bedroom left.
*Maybe*, I hoped, *I might even find my engagement ring in here*. I could see it in my mind. A modest diamond seated on a plain silver band. It was the most ordinary engagement ring one could imagine -- except for the inscription on the inside: 'Theresa, the lucky woman I am going to marry. Sebastian.' I smiled at that memory. She would have loved that. Our wedding was going to be full of laughter, full of jokes, both practical and verbal. She once told me that my humour was why she fell in love with me. Of course, I knew it was much more than that. She loved how ridiculously serious I was about my research. How nicely I fit into my rugged leather trench coat. How Dan and I would banter endlessly over nothing. How we could---
I held my breath as I stared suspiciously at the contents of the top drawer of my bedside dresser. *That wasn't there before.* I reached down and picked up the bundled cloth. There was something hard inside it. Suddenly feeling nervous, I forced myself to put it down on my bed and slowly began to unwrap it. I didn't understand why, but my heart was racing painfully. My fingers were shaking as I peeled off the last layer.
"Oh, fuck."
****************
I was sitting in darkness on Dan's couch, staring at the wall, when he came flying in. He stopped and blinked twice when he saw me.
"*Dammit, Seb,* why didn't you answer your phone?" he fumed and walked over to me. He studied my face. "Wait, how long have you been sitting here?"
I turned and looked at him. "It was human, wasn't it?" I said instead. I wondered if my best friend would be fine with me in jail. It would be hard on him, losing both his best friends.
He blinked again. "It doesn't matter---"
"But it's human, right?"
He exhaled exasperatedly. "Yes, but Martha called---"
"Thanks, Dan, for everything." I looked away again. He really needed to get out more, make other friends. I had tried telling him that before, but he kept using his busy schedule as an excuse. I shouldn't be his only close friend.
He only rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. *Kirsten is fine!*"
I looked at him again, this time in confusion.
"Martha had a chat *with* her in class today. This is good! This means nothing happened!" he laughed merrily as he strode into his kitchen.
No, that didn't make any sense. Nothing was adding up. I looked down at the bundle of cloth that I had laid on his coffee table.
Dan reappeared with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "Time to celebrate, now that this thing is over," he grinned. He poured a glass and forced it into my hands.
Not just that, what about the human blood that Dan himself had admitted finding?
"Oh, cheer up already," he tousled my hair. He poured himself a glass as he grabbed the remote and switched on his flat screen TV.
It took only a moment before I realised what I was watching. My eyes widened in horror.
Dan caught my expression. "What is it?" He followed my eyes, and froze. "Wait, isn't that---"
"...was found in an alley near the night club. Detective---*detective*," the news journalist moved to stop a red-head in her early thirties. "What can you tell us about the murder?"
She glared impatiently at the camera. "The victim's name was Kyle Panopoulos. We believe this happened last night, at around one AM. If anyone saw anything suspicious inside or near the club, no matter how small, please contact the department. That would be all."
My right hand started to throb again. The pain was coming back.
"Seb, that's him, isn't it?"
I nodded. My body started to shake. Why was this happening? Images of Kyle flashed in my head. The pain in my hand was becoming unbearable.
Dan looked thoughtfully at the picture of Kyle on the flat screen. "It still doesn't mean anything. It's just a coincidence."
I shook my head slowly. "No, it wasn't." We were right outside the club. Kirsten was screaming obscenities at us. Kyle had looked regretful and devastated. Reeling from the flashback, I lifted up my right hand and stared at my knuckles.
"What do you mean?"
"He was there, Dan. I saw him," I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. There was blood running down Kyle's nose. "I saw him, and I punched him."
My best friend was silent. He only looked at me, unmoving, as if expecting me to fall apart if he did.
"I don't remember what happened after that. But," I laughed pitifully. "Maybe I don't want to remember."
Dan still said nothing. His expression was neutral, completely void of any clue as to what he could be thinking. Instead, he turned his attention toward the bundle of cloth that I had left on his coffee table.
*And now, for the smoking gun.* I reached down and unwrapped it, revealing a switchblade stained in blood. I looked up at my best friend's face, imploring him to say something.
But he wouldn't. Instead, he only closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a long moment, he walked towards his front door. "We've got work to do," he declared softly, clearly waiting for me to follow.
"What?"
He turned and looked right into my eyes. "The man who killed your girlfriend two years ago was murdered last night. All the evidence seem to point to you."
I looked away and my muscles tensed up. Here it comes. I was about to lose my best friend.
"Well, guess what? I don't give a damn what the evidence says. It's wrong, and we're getting rid of it, right now."
****************
I woke up to a pounding on the door. Barely aware of the couch beneath me, I glanced at my surroundings. *I'm at Dan's*, I recalled. We had worked all night in removing every trace of blood from my flat. Still, even though it was clean now, I wouldn't sleep in that flat. I couldn't, not after what had happened. So, Dan had let me crash at his place.
I yawned as I clutched at the blankets around me. There was a note on the coffee table:
Seb,
Gone to the hospital. I thought about everything last night. I'm more sure than ever that you didn't kill anyone. Trust me on this. I'll explain when I see you tonight.
Dan.
p.s. go to work and act like everything's normal.
I jumped when I heard more pounding on the door. But, it wasn't on Dan's door they were pounding on. "Mister McDean?" a familiar female voice called out.
I immediately shot out of the couch and bumped into the coffee table. It was *my* door. Someone was looking for me at my flat.
"Forget it, I don't think he's home," said a male voice I didn't recognise. "Who's next on the list?"
"Wait, I heard something. I think his neighbour's home," said the female. Then it hit me. It was the red-head detective on the 7 o'clock news last night. The one investigating Kyle's murder. The very same one that's now only a few feet away.
**Knock, knock.**
"Anyone home?" And now, she was on the other side of the door.
Last edited by sagittaeri on Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:08 am; edited 1 time in total
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 5:53 am Post subject: |
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FACK THAT WAS AWESOMEE!!
| Quote: | | I could practically hear him smile |
That was beautiful. My initial reaction was to suggest that it be changed to "see", but suddenly the phrase started making sense to me. I still don't know how you can hear someone smile, but somehow, the phrase just makes sense.
As for the DP, I'm going to say keep quiet. Do NOT open the door, quietly walk in and find a nice place to hide. Hopefully, the detectives move on to other suspects and don't try to force themselves in.
Once again, this was one epic chapter man. I'm totally in love with the story now xD
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:54 am Post subject: |
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Hey Sagi!
In total agreement with Vishal, this was great! Your writing continues to have great flow, your grammar is brilliant, the characters are likable and their banter very real, and the storyline leaves one hopelessly gripped and wanting more! I loved it!
If I was to make any critisism at all, it would be that, considering that Seb's just discovered that he may have murdered someone, and Dan's just found out that his best friend could be a murderer, their chat on the phone was just a little too light-hearted. Not a lot, as it works fine anyway. It's just something that struck me personally as I was reading. Of course, trying to make each other feel better is a natural response to bad news, and joking between themselves is certainly plausible. But maybe there could have been a little more added to show that there are still a lot of negative emotions roiling around inside. Guilt for what may have possibly occured and a slight tension as well, as from Seb's point of view he doesn't know really how Dan is going to react if he discovers that the blood is human. Something like...
Since he'd made his discovery that morning, Seb had felt like there was a large knot in his stomach, uncomfortably weighing down his spirits and keeping him on edge. But Dan's jokey banter released some of the tension, and Seb couldn't help but allow the corners of his mouth to tilt upwards in a small smile.
That's probably not ideal, but it's a quick example of what I mean. It keeps the dread of both Seb's potential actions of the night before and what could happen because of them close to the surface, but still allows for that element of relief for the character. Anyway, it's certainly not essential, but I thought I'd mention it.
And onwards to DP-land... I can't make my mind up as to whether he should answer or not. He's going to have to talk to them sooner or later, but currently he's been taken by complete surprise and is likely a little sleep-addled too, so not in the best of positions to keep a calm, cool head. But on the other hand, when the police do finally catch up with him, if they ask him where he was when they attempted to contact him before, it's going to potentially set off a whole new chain of lies. Just so that we have another option, I'm going to say that he calls out that he's in the shower and he'll just be a moment (of course, he'll have to go wet his hair to make it plausible, and tell them that Dan let him use his shower because Seb's is broken or something (little white lie  )). It'll give him a few minutes to pull himself together, and possibly come up with a plan of action.
Again, much enjoyed, Sagi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Vishal and Tika for reading and commenting!
The feedback about the sudden light-hearted-ness is good -- reading back, I'm noticing it too. Thanks for bringing this up...I'll have to think of a way to fix it up.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| LOVE it, Sagi!! i'm with Tika...do something to give a minute but then talk to them. from Dan's note, it seems like he's found something that would clear us of this one, so act as though we have nothing to hide...but do it after we have a minute to calm down. lol!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:52 am Post subject: |
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Lol I'm withdrawing my suggestion and going with Tika. xP
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:01 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Andi! I'm so happy you managed to read this!
Haha Vishal, too late, you already suggested it, so I'll have to poll it up.
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 7:53 am Post subject: |
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Sure, as you please
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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Step one, get rid of the note. Eat it, flush it, whatever...get rid of it. Second open the door and say he isn't home. If asked why you're in you're in his apartment and not your own, claim the two of you were up late last night and that you're now late for work.
Schedule a time to talk to them, act perfectly cooperative. The more resistant and belligerent you are, the more suspicious they'll become.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks Lil and Kalanna for reading! I'll be polling this up soon.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 1:22 am Post subject: |
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| This SG is now polling!!
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:39 am Post subject: |
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| Poll closed! Next chapter now in writing...
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:23 am Post subject: |
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Holy fricklefrack! This is great! Well done, Sagi. I have to agree with everyone and say that your writing is phenomenal.
I've loved every chapter you've written, but I have to say that the flashback in the beginning of 4 has been my favorite part of the story so far. It was beautifully detailed and emotional, and gave us a little bit of background on the character.
I'm bummed I missed the poll this round. I'll be sure to catch it next time. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Again, well done!
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:36 am Post subject: |
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Hi Seraphi! Thanks for reading this SG and for the very kind comments - it made me quite happy!
New chapter is coming soon... 
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry for the huge delay for an update! Holiday periods are surprisingly difficult. Anyway, this chapter is short-ish. So many decisions to make, didn't wanna deprive the players from their choice.
Chapter 5: Poker face.
The nicely formatted version: In HTML
****************
A million thoughts flooded my mind all at once as the room spun in every imaginable direction. The ability to breathe rhythmically had become a lost art as I stood frozen inches from the couch, unable to produce a coherent thought.
Then the detectives knocked on the door again.
It was just enough to break me out of my stupor.
"Just---just a minute!" I quickly called out and stumbled my way to the bathroom.
I ran the tap and splashed my face in icy cold water. *Fuck, fuck, fuck! They're here to arrest me!* I stared at my reflection in the mirror. *No. No, they're not. Think about it.* Somehow, my pathetic panicked splashing had drenched my short blond hair so much, it was as if I had just climbed out of a swimming pool. *Or a shower...*
I grabbed Dan's towel and started to dry my hair the best I could. *When he finds out that I've used his towel, he's going to freak.* I tossed it back on the towel rack and turned towards the front door.
*Calmed down enough, yet?* I chastised myself. *You can't always rely on someone else to help out.* I could almost see the detectives behind the door, probably checking their watches and tapping their feet. I needed a plan of action. I glanced into Dan's bedroom. There was a fire escape by the window.
*No, you're missing something. Come on, you're a physicist. All you do is 'think' for a living. Do your freakin' job!*
I tore my eyes away from Plan B. Then, I remembered something the detectives had said: *"who's next on the list?"* It was clear to me at that point they weren't here to arrest me. Even so, they clearly could tie me to the murder somehow, or they wouldn't be here at all. *The list. There's a damned list.* I shut my eyes and tried to remember the kind of person I was before, back when Terri was still laughing at my jokes. Back when I was less pathetic. When I still had some semblance of courage. I took a deep breath.
It wasn't too long ago when we were all sitting around the floor in my old dorm room. We were happy. Content. And very drunk. It was at the end of our sophomore year at college, just after a huge party. Dan and I had invited over the funnest person we knew --- someone who was quickly becoming a close friend of ours. She made a simple game of poker fun, even though she was a little too good at it.
I, on the other hand, was rubbish at the card game. I remembered throwing my hands up in frustration, demanding to know how they had figured out I was bluffing---again---with uncanny accuracy. I was convinced I had a tell, one that I was determined to crush by the next round of poker. Only, calling it a 'tell' had been an understatement. *"Seb, honey, your whole face morphs like a constipated catepillar when you tell a lie,"* she had cheekily claimed, to my horror. I remembered wondering if that was why I could never get anything past my parents. "*Oh, no, no, don't be like that! I really like that quality about you,*" she had added quickly, before leaning in to kiss my cheek. *"Promise me you'll never let anything change this part of you. Ever."*
I slowly opened my eyes. I finally understood what I was supposed to do. *You just stepped out of the shower,* I tried to make myself believe. *Now, you're walking to the front door to greet the detect---no, the strangers. You didn't know they were detectives. You have no idea who they are.*
On the way to the front door, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Late for work, gotta go. Late for work, gotta go. Late for work, gotta go. I repeated that in my head a few more times as I opened the front door, revealing an attractive woman with brown eyes and shoulder-length red hair fashioned in a pony tail, and a middle-aged balding man with deep blue eyes.
"Hi," I greeted. "Can I help you?"
The detectives wasted no time in pulling out their badges. "Yes, I'm Detective Thompson, and this is Detective Brown," introduced the attractive red-head. "We just have a few questions about your neighbour. Do you know the man living in that unit?" she gestured to her left.
I looked in the direction the detective gestured at. "Unit 201? Uh, yes, I live there, actually."
"You live there?" questioned the middle aged man, Detective Brown. "You're McDean?"
"That's me. I'm sorry, but what's this about? I'm actually kinda really late for work," I showed them my bag apologetically. *Promise me you'll never let anything change this part of you. Ever.* But I wasn't lying. Not directly, anyway.
The detectives looked at each other before the red-head spoke again. "We just need you to answer a few questions about two nights ago."
I had walked out of Dan's apartment and started to lock the door behind me, feeling glad that my back was on the detectives so they couldn't see my face. "Can I come over to the station later, or something? I'll be happy to answer anything."
"Mr McDean, this won't take long---" started the female detective sternly.
"Can you be at the station at 5:30PM?" interrupted the middle aged man.
I turned around and faced the pair. "I might have to leave work slightly early to make it on time, but yeah, I can."
The red-head's face scrunched up in annoyance, hopefully directed at her partner. She reached into her pocket and handed me a card. "Look for me when you get to the station. Don't be late."
"Yes ma'am," I replied as I made my way to the stairwell without delay.
As soon as I walked out of view, I could hear a tense discussion between the detectives. The red-head sounded pretty frustrated, presumably at her partner for interrupting her. The balding detective sounded like he couldn’t care less, almost completely apathetic.
It was only after the stairwell door closed behind me I realised I was holding my breath. My chest was thumping painfully and I felt a sweat run down my forehead. Dammit. I hoped the detectives didn't notice any of those damned tells. Was this what I was like when I was playing poker?
*You need to find out where that ‘list’ comes from!*
A sudden thought occurred to me as I was leaving the building. Yes. The detectives were going on a ‘list’. I needed to find out how I earned a spot in that damned list.
*Maybe they found out you were there that night, somehow.* Did someone tell the police I was there? There were hundreds of people at the club that night, but there was no reason for any of them to remember me. *Except for Kirsten and Martha*. My heart jumped a little when I realised Kirsten had witnessed me attacking Kyle. *Fuck!* Again, I tried to remember the events of that night. Did I tell them my last name? I shook my head. It didn't make sense for me to reveal my last name to people I had only just met. I had no reason to hide it, but I also had no reason to reveal it. *Think.* So, even though it made sense for Kirsten to go to the cops after watching the news, how did the cops know how to find me, if all they had was my first name and physical description? Maybe there was another explanation. The cops must have placed me on the scene some other way. *Maybe there was a video camera at the club?*
*Or, maybe they knew you had a relationship with Terri*. I closed my eyes at that thought. Was that possible? Once again, scenes of the night two years ago played through my head. I vaguely remembered giving an account of the accident to the policewoman who later arrived at the scene. But, I was never called on as a witness in the court case. They had other witnesses who were more coherent than I was. Did I ever tell them about Terri and me? I opened my eyes. No, I did not. If they found out about our relationship, they must have found out some other way.
Thinking about all this had made me realise how easy it would be for the detectives to make me their prime suspect. I was certain I wasn’t their suspect, yet, or they wouldn’t have let me go so easily. But, had they found out about my relationship with Kyle’s victim, or about how I attacked him the night he was murdered…*or if they find the switchblade you left in Dan’s apartment*…
I was now at the train station, waiting for my train to arrive. *On my way to work*, I realised. I hadn’t even paid any attention to what I was doing. Should I really continue on to work, when there are so many questions whizzing around in my head? Almost subconsciously, I pulled out my phone and tried to reach Dan. Except he wasn’t picking up. He was probably in another one of those damned surgical shifts, I decided. I won’t hear from him until tonight. I sighed. *I’m on my own today.*
Maybe I should go to work after all. It was what Dan had wanted me to do. I thought more about my options.
Or, I could look for Kirsten at her college, find out what she intends to do with her knowledge of my altercation with Kyle. Dan had mentioned the subject Martha and Kirsten were doing together, which should be enough for me to track her down.
Or, I could try the nightclub, see if I can jog my memory, or check if there were any cameras. They would be closed during the day, but the manager might still be there. I had been there during the day to recover a bag which I had left behind by accident, once. *Plus, you can check out the crime scene while you’re in the area.*
Only, either option would expose me to even more suspicion. Would it be worth the risk?
Last edited by sagittaeri on Tue Dec 25, 2012 4:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 10:33 am Post subject: |
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Awesome new chapter, Sagi! This is currently one of my favourite SGs on IF and I always look forward to new editions to the story. And this one didn't disappoint. And, though it looks like a rather short chapter, it really doesn't read as though it is at all. It's very full and well-written, and there's no feeling of it lacking anything, as can be the case with shorter chapters sometimes.
Considering that Seb has no idea how the Detectives know so much about him, I figure that he can't know exactly to what extent their knowledge reaches. And as the red-head seemed pretty keen to question him regardless of making him late for work, it does seem a little suspicious that her partner would completely disregard her...unless he had a reason behind it. If they have his name and address, they could also know where he works too. The detective could be testing him. If they check to see if he's at work and he isn't, it's going to fuel any suspicions that they have about Seb further.
So I think Seb should just try and put recent events to the back of his mind, and try to go about his usual workday in a normal manner, attempting to not behave in any way that might be considered strange by his colleagues. Maybe when he has some time to himself, he can go over things in his head, to try and come up with a story to tell the police, because he is going to have to go see them. He could possibly call Dan at some point too, to see if they can meet up to have a talk.
Just found this one little thing...
| Quote: | Me, on the other hand, was rubbish at the card game.
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The 'me' doesn't sound quite right when reading through here. I think it would sound better as 'I'.
Aside from that - Perfect, and very much enjoyed!
Looking forward to chapter six already! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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Another brilliant chapter, sagittaeri! Yes, it was shorter than the others you have written, but it felt complete nonetheless.
I'm curious about this list...and what/who put our guy on it.
If Kirsten had snitched to the police and told them his name/appearance I think they would have been aware of who he was as soon as they saw him, but instead they asked if he lived there and when he told them he was the guy they were looking for they seemed shocked. So, no, I don't think Kirsten went to the police or else he would have been recognized almost immediately. She might not even remember last night completely, so no need to cast suspiscion on himself by going to see her.
Maybe, during his interview with the police about Terri, he let something slip that he wasn't aware of and it was put on record? But then you would think the police would have a description of him already if they pulled his name from that scenario. Hm...
To me it seems the best option would be to go to work, act as normal as possible, and work through what he doesn't remember from last night, like Tikanni said. If there is a way he could go past the club to take a quick peek into the alley where he attacked Kyle (or at least scope the area to see if there is a crime scene that the police are picking over) before heading to work, that could be good for getting a better handle on the situation. Plus seeing the place might jog his foggy memory a bit.
Can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the great work!
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Tika and Seraphi!!
Oh Tika, also, thanks for noticing the embarrassing stuff-up --- I do things like that sometimes, because I keep changing the sentence structure midway. Initially I was going to do a "Me? I'm rubbish..." but then decided I felt better with what I have now instead.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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Checking out the crime scene is really...really bad. Most murderers will return to the crime scene and if you're on the suspect list that's sure to get you kicked up another few notches.
Your best bet is to head to work, even though you've called in. Your distraction will be taken for whatever illness was bad enough to make you call in in the first place and they might just send you home, giving you legitimate free time. That way if the detectives check it's rather obvious you weren't feeling well, called in, thought better of it, and got sent home anyway for being generally ill.
Pick up a paper, see what it says about the crime, watch some tv, and then go to the station. That way you can also use the excuse that you're ill for any off behavior you might be exhibiting during the interview.
Right now that list is beyond you, unless you have a police contact, and extra interest in it might get you singled out.
Great chapter Sagi.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Rai for the awesome comments!
Man, I'm so fired up by this SG, and I so can't wait to continue on to the next chapter. It might not look like it, but I'm exercising a lot of restraint right now by not posting up a poll yet. It's holiday time, too, so I might have to give it a bit more time.
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plausible_follicile
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:59 am Post subject: |
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Hey Sagi!
I'm really enjoying reading this story. The writing style is really cool and the story line in itself is very intriguing. I'm gonna say Seb goes to work. It would be really foolish to go back to the crime scene and make ourselves a bigger suspect now.
Amazing writing, once again
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Seraphi
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:13 am Post subject: |
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Well now I just feel silly for suggesting the "go back to the scene" thing, haha.
But, I have said it nonetheless, and I will stick with it. Plus just because he's on the list doesn't mean he's totally a suspect...right? *double thinks it, then goes to hide my shame in a corner*
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:51 am Post subject: |
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| loving it, still, Sagi!! i'm going to f5 almost everyone else & say lets just head on to work. we're already on the way anyways.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:39 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this SG!
I was trying to put a poll up, but I keep running into some weird technical issue where I get redirected to a different site (http://templates.doteasy.com) that says "webpage not available". Anyone else have this problem, or just me?
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Poll is up!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:56 am Post subject: |
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Voted and glad you managed to get the poll up, Sagi!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Poll is now closed and chapter is in writing!
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| Maybe I should...no! Don't get distracted. Head to work, now. Then... |
| I need to find out what Dan wants to tell me before I go to the station. He might have something for me. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| It's worth the risk. I have to check out the crime scene at some point, if it means I can remember what happened, or how I got into the list. |
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33% |
[ 1 ] |
| Don't raise any suspicions. I have to be consistent in everything I do. I called in sick last night, now I have to make it feel real. |
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66% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 3 |
| Who Voted: Andolyn, Seraphi, Tikanni Corazon |
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